Episode 006 with Ryan 'Tos' Santos

[00:00:00] Ryan: I'm gonna give it a little guess what

[00:00:04] Jacob: Ryan Santos we're live oh we are live all right Junkyard Love Podcast my brother yeah the Junkyard Love Podcast that's crazy I thought that I was gonna have some crazy cool like just artistic name like extension of Junkyard Love cuz I thought of that a while ago but I don't know joke I love podcast has been kind of sticking no yeah I love it I mean it's it just makes me think of you know it's a lot of things that you want to talk about that are you know just random stuff you know just a junkyard of stuff yeah a junkyard you know another man's junk is someone

[00:00:43] Ryan: Else's treasure yeah this one's a yard

[00:00:46] Jacob: Of treasure Lee love welcome to the yard

[00:00:51] Ryan: Of tress really love like I feel like

[00:00:53] Jacob: This is like if you were introducing some sort of like well I think I should say that the thickening of my pot goes like welcome to the yard of treasure lilo ladies and gentlemen where we have but then that would be like of you know

[00:01:06] Ryan: Those old radio shows back in the day

[00:01:08] Jacob: Where it's like the late-night radio hey baby what do you want to talk about yeah what's your what was that one welcome

[00:01:20] Ryan: It's just somehow junk out love is sexting it ya know love is now a sexual podcast by the way the only talk about sex yeah and I you got the wrong person for

[00:01:32] Jacob: That not even know he's a virgin yes no actually so Ryan Santos my friend yeah welcome everybody Ryan Santos this Has been a good friend of mine for quite some time we worked together at a tuxedo rental place back when I was in high school he's a few years ahead of me but I was in high school work to admit a taxi no rental place in the mall mister formal tuxedos you can then he had some adventures and I just wanted I had to have around in the podcast just because he's been one of the more positive influential friends of my life just like always to regardless the crazy **** we've been through he's just been like I mean don't you have to keep smiling tattooed on your wrist yeah I do and I just want to say thank you in person thank you for that Jake I mean I really appreciate it I really

[00:01:45] Ryan: Appreciate you asking me to be on

[00:02:24] Jacob: This show you know and yeah it's been an

[00:02:29] Ryan: Honor to be your really good friend I mean always I've never not that about you make sure you're doing all right and man our little adventures when we first

[00:02:39] Jacob: Became friends have been insane and yeah you know obviously I'm here for a reason and it's been awesome thanks man yeah I'm glad to have you I'm glad I think you know it's dorky and simple as it sounds I'm glad for the world to meet you I don't really know where this podcast is gonna go like I don't you

[00:02:59] Ryan: Know like I want as many people to listen to it as they think is valuable at don't worry buddy listen to it just because they know who I am or know my DJ world whatever I just want people to listen to it with value so I like all the guests that I have on here is just like who is someone who like it's valuable every time talk to him and you're just deep definitely fit that category so oh for sure that's how I feel about you man every time we get together we just like just talk for hours yeah but now that we're on here I'm just like oh my gosh what are we even talk about right this is right to talk about now because we talked about it we talked about some crazy things I know I think I think that I mean this

[00:03:38] Jacob: Will be among the first the first 20 episodes I have quite a few stacking up now just be among the first 20 but I think after a while after it becomes very good thing people understand like okay like you know Jake and his friends and in the people around him are just like they talk about crazy stuff sometimes like they're not crazy they're just they just love until someone crazy stuff you know so dude if we if this somehow this whole conversation have we talked about aliens like we untie aliens get into them I **** love that stuff

[00:04:10] Ryan: If you watch the on they have on Netflix like the Bob Lazar like area 51 oh I started like the first 10 minutes of it but it was one of those I put it on and I fell asleep the same day oh man it looks really good yeah I don't know a ton about it I would say I have friends who have watched it and then he was on like the general Ogun podcast and stuff so I know I don't know a ton about it but essentially I think it's he worked in area 51 for a little bit and then he like was a whistleblower like something like a over there 51 here's what I saw but who hasn't though and all those like I used to work at area 51 I'm like how did you become out and do this interview then you could more data you're doing they don't come after you and your family nope okay just no oh yeah you're good so yeah so something about this headphone like I don't know if this little headphone thing that I got from Amazon is like it doesn't support very much so if I do too much movement it's like no I'm scared power mode okay like protective over my chest Amazon man

[00:05:12] Jacob: That's another one you notice that their

[00:05:15] Ryan: Reviews on Amazon are just like you can't try something we used to go to trust but now we know it's all fake it's written for other **** well yeah that's what happens when you get really popular I mean not really popular

[00:05:27] Jacob: But like the amount of people using or

[00:05:31] Ryan: Buying from your like store or whatever

[00:05:34] Jacob: It gets stupid after that it's like oh we got you we hooked you in guess why right now we can sell whatever the **** we want you know we're gonna tell you what you want no yeah that's what I don't like either it's like you may all also like

[00:05:51] Ryan: These items right it's like yeah like you could have like them but you're fine without knowing they exist how about that yeah like you but have you okay so you've more than reason I mean you weren't super in the social mean I don't feel like but you've had social media if like as long as I have like we've both we've had our shirtless pictures together on social media oh we've shared this oh yeah I mean every year that I for some reason I the reason

[00:06:16] Jacob: Why I kept sharing is because it came up like Oh memories you know like it's such a great time in our life that was such a funny day to like we have this photo everybody just listening we have this photo that when we worked in mr. formal like we were both working out and we like just fresh bro Me's and we would stand in like in the place where like you go to get married for your wedding and we were just like peace symbols up in the shirt or in the mirror Sheila's both of us have a typical like 2001-2009 or

[00:06:46] Ryan: Something to that I was wearing Hollister pants with holes in them for sure like they were fresh off the press fresh holes freshly made in the factory yeah and you had a way you were still in high school right yeah and

[00:06:58] Jacob: Yeah that big ass tattoo oh yeah no yeah I was like 17 when I got my first so my exact right side that was my first how did that okay hold on now that I really think about it how did that even go down

[00:07:11] Ryan: Like yeah okay but my life is just different I my tattoo artist this was like so long ago but my tattoo artist was like literally a lady who had changed my diapers like my family grew up like a tattoo family okay and so they would really have to hat to parties as I was growing up and so when I was younger I remember getting all 10 of my nails tattooed at some point and that was something like cool badass thing wait you got yeah nails you can get your nails tattooed yeah it's hot it's warm uh-huh yeah but it's it doesn't cause pain like it's more just kind of sketchy yeah but I don't know exactly how they do it I remember how the person did it but I think she's a regular around needles but I got that one other kid so I thought that was super cool and then I was like no I don't want a to is like it's too permanent I don't want it yeah and then I got to this point where I was at this very like rubella I mean one of the very

[00:08:08] Ryan: Rebellious stages of my young life and I was like how do you want to you and so yeah when it was a family friend but she's a very like she's a good tattoo artist that's all knowledge it but yeah my whole right side and you can imagine being like a 16 year old dude with ABS like who has a tattoo on his right side oh yeah it's like such a turd I was such a turd it turned into do you girls want to see me with my shirt off because you're going to as I'm driving by yeah anywhere I'm going I'm just if you're willing to take your shirt off for a photo and tuxedo place after hours with your bro I think you're willing to take your shirt off anywhere that's the thing yeah like the things you do like oh there's a customer like there's to be during hours imagine if you walk into any place you're going into a bakery and I come to get some donuts and you're like excuse me hello and you clients the background and the employees are just taking shirts oh my gosh

[00:09:10] Jacob: Oh my how many stupid things have we done that please that's the thing we've done a lot of stupid place okay what do you think is the what's the cool story you can think of from working at mr. Foreman when we were in high school

[00:09:22] Ryan: So I okay the wait so baseline this is mr. formal in the mall at the Kelso mall tourism all fairly dead at times but like it was probably the one tuxedo rental place if you go to prom or you're having a wedding yeah where you go in town from art generally oh yeah for sure they had that place where we worked at and then they have like the rents and events mmm that mean you could get tuxedos too but I never heard anyone go

[00:09:46] Jacob: In there unless you know where was like negative stuff about them I don't know if that was like just because I had to do with her job well we were I mean come on dude we're the best yeah we and then they only had like limited **** to my hair do you want to look like you just got done doing an orchestra yeah the

[00:10:07] Ryan: Coat-tails that's funny we're like they're like yeah well we're gonna special events and were like yeah if you want to look like a **** idiot who just talk people out of it we don't even know anything about that's what the tattoo is on a stump that's what it is if you're listening right now that's you can quote me on that it says that but anyways yeah

[00:10:29] Jacob: The craziest thing that has ever

[00:10:32] Ryan: Happened at mr. formal I think it was

[00:10:38] Jacob: When I smoked weed in the bathroom we did that no I did that too we would but that was after hours I did during the day during hours I feel like I probably participated in that you know it like it's not something I'm like you know it's a laughable moment now you know and I feel like it seems so insane you know saying that we like we would smoke weed or something like yeah we're working like I think just in our world the world that we grew up in like we I really generally wouldn't say that we're bad people bad kids bad like you know we had it together like I was I was and you

[00:11:15] Ryan: Were both like higher up and in

[00:11:18] Jacob: Commissions in the company like we did well we showed up to our job on time I think for sure it's so funny thinking back about like the little **** stuff we did you know yeah but we were able to kind of keep it afloat like I'm not saying I'm no advocate for smoking weed and the bathrooms are trying to work but it is so funny that the importance

[00:11:34] Ryan: Of I feel like we've been such good

[00:11:37] Jacob: Friends for so long but I think it's because we really went out of our way back in the day like even much formal times like hang out and like build a connection like oh yeah we were friends like we didn't have to be friends we were from different worlds but like we hung out outside of work we have enough that smoking weed in the bathroom is the best way to form a connection with the co-workers but yeah hell if that's what you got yeah I mean like there's

[00:12:02] Ryan: Not much to do and longview Kelso or

[00:12:05] Jacob: Just even in Cal's County area and the time you know there is now I mean things that are available but back then we just had to make our own fun and I think that's exactly what we did and you know like you said we didn't have to be friends but you know definitely it's like it's hard to be good for us with your coworkers because the things that you can bring into like imagine if we didn't hit it off or something work it was like then we would have to go to work yeah oh my god dude you

[00:12:36] Ryan: **** so I don't worry you all right

[00:12:40] Jacob: You know i mean i think i think that we all did I mean even with our bosses like we you know it's work but we all did based off of our personalities based off of like who we were and like just like

[00:12:52] Ryan: You we didn't all go into it saying

[00:12:55] Jacob: We're all the same we're all very different oh yeah our boss is like we would joke around with our bosses you know oh yeah we would be very

[00:13:02] Ryan: Different people like listen different music different hairstyles different clothes whatever yeah but we I feel like just our personalities we go into work and say how do I make this fun yeah like no you can't always smoke weed with your with your manager oh yeah chef what thank you yeah I think it is important for everyone to like really realize your role like I could dude it doesn't matter just cause you're not a manager at a store like if you're an employee if you're new employee old employee you kind of got a job man like remember like yeah you're spending your time there but everybody you're around is spending their time to like yeah you could make you your job fun you can go a little bit extra you can pay 12 bucks on Wednesday and bring some doughnuts whatever I'm like I think that we did a good job I'm mr. formal of finding our fun and dude we were we were good I felt

[00:13:50] Jacob: Like yeah it really sucks is London right doesn't matter who was walking up or like you need a tux yeah we're gonna give it to you federal fetch it we were not competitive if you think about it a lot of like on TV shows or other places they're like this they're competitive with each other oh yeah be definitely a Salesman yeah we weren't we weren't super competitive with each other against each other like we were like loop and each other and they're like oh how much commissioner gee oh hell yeah oh yeah this month yeah exactly it wasn't super against each other it was like how can we all do super good yeah and I think I start killed it oh yeah it's like you said but when we're

[00:14:23] Ryan: Whenever we're making a sale it's not like that other like if I was making a sale it's not like you were like sitting in the back just sitting there or whatever you would actually come out and help me like yeah definitely if it's a party or something you would come out and help me nice money like oh hey what

[00:14:39] Jacob: Would you like you know and even though that I got the Commission it's like you were still there yeah it's the same way yeah and you know what's funny is it's back then you know affect the world now

[00:14:51] Ryan: Were always like oh we'll make sure I get my credit or like even down to **** like oh hey I handed you my phone to take a photo and you make sure like a photo credit goes to whatever yeah everybody wants credit for everything and like I feel like back then we did a very good job of just I know that you're here to help me when I need it so I'm here to help you like even if here to help you means I'm working every day like more it seems like whatever like I just know that you're gonna be there for me like there's no credit there's no like it's Mike we're like well hey I'm which the mission do I get ya know ya know we about that like yeah exactly I don't think we ever you owe me this or whatever that never happened like I really don't think we ever even had I mean maybe there was some stuff with other people that like we weren't aware of or something I don't know but I don't know I feel like we did a very good job because we had our other we had other co-workers who we got along with really well to you yeah hey Kip yeah

[00:15:42] Jacob: That sucks for him right now yeah I don't want it I don't know if I want to dive into that I mean we can but let's just say that he is in other places at other times and he did something really stupid yeah never thought that would you know why when someone showed me that I was like yeah yes and I were what we were like no yes not a real thing but not until I saw it on TV right that's **** weird man I weren't do did great he's my guy yeah one of the like crazy intelligent people that you and me he just he just knew what he wanted he knew how to get it diabla but

[00:16:21] Ryan: Now it all makes sense really good you're good at something until you get calm until you're too good at it yeah you're a professional at it and you got to keep doing what you got to do to be a professional but I didn't think you'd take it to the fashion bandit that was **** hilarious oh man I still like mine blog about that like what is it like well me too that'd be Hillier dang like I didn't I don't even realize I was addressing up like if you like if

[00:16:50] Jacob: You were robbing some stores oh my oh

[00:16:56] Ryan: It's okay if you were if you were

[00:16:59] Jacob: Robbing stuff and like the only thing you can come up with by the way is dressing up you just look at hellofresh like it's like what do you look like how

[00:17:12] Ryan: Does he look so good officer he was

[00:17:14] Jacob: Dressing he was dressed to the nines

[00:17:17] Ryan: But he was wearing women's clothing but

[00:17:22] Jacob: It looked **** good though like yeah what was he wearing honestly he was wearing a red dress with the red high heels it's so good though I just want to write that down make sure they add him his eyes were so kind his eyes are so kind but what he was asking for was very **** demanding and dangerous he seemed to

[00:17:43] Ryan: Really want my money I don't care but those shoes did we're not supposed to come out until next year but he somehow he had can we know that somehow he had

[00:17:55] Jacob: The next season shoes however he got those if I officer if you can let me know I really want to get those they're not even out yet oh my gosh okay so I do want to like just because we're talk about the mr. formal thing I want to share this story oh I want I want to let you tell it but the story of when we first smoked weed together we had worked maybe even one shift together is me you and a lot of oh yeah in we get on it

[00:18:21] Ryan: Zack Johnson right yeah and this is super strange I gotta figure out what's gonna power thing but yeah so this is this is a story so the reason why I want to share the story so this cemetery that this situation took place this is I go this is Mike one of my favorite meditation city lookout spots I go here like once a week at least like late at night like recently mmm yeah the Mount bring named graveyard up there yeah top yeah I go there probably once a week like the meditate up top there mmm but it's cool going there like because sometimes I'll remember that random memory of that night and I'll just do it I'll just like it so giggle Bowl like I'll just laugh so hard yeah so share that memory so this was we had to work together what four or five times if at one of the homes man yeah probably it's like we've been working for like two week I've been working maybe two weeks at this job at mr. formal but finally we became friends good enough friends because we had that mutual friend that got me the job Zach right and so we all

[00:19:24] Jacob: Smoked right after in the car and then we went up to what was it Mountain brainian oh yeah so we went up top oh my god this is so funny it's such a

[00:19:38] Ryan: Simple it's produces smoke weed up there Oh everybody weed up there before yeah but your reaction was priceless so we get up top and mind you this spot you when you get up top of this hill this like graveyard is like one huge hill so when you get up top you could see a long view you can see Kelso you can even see all the way over to the

[00:20:05] Jacob: Rainier bridge oh it's amazing so we went up there I haven't been up there in years it's been years I love to get you stoned and pick you up there already got

[00:20:18] Ryan: Freaking almost arrested up there for that yeah not anymore but so we go there we smoked checking

[00:20:25] Jacob: Out this awesome view and we're starting

[00:20:28] Ryan: To leave and then there's roads in

[00:20:31] Jacob: Between the graveyards mind you so it's like drive all over yeah it's like gravel so it's pathways right you know it's it is gravel pathway so you can drive on like it's Rayleigh for norm but on your left and your right like just a few feet is like literally tombstones like you're driving in-between tombstones which is like that they made it that way yeah it's pretty intense like it's not like you park your over here and then you walk into the guy ride it's like you're the this is a square block radius sort of situation if the tombstones being the buildings yeah so driving down one of the pathways and all of a sudden we just means act just here and the in the back of the car guys what the **** are you doing what are you guys doing that you guys are driving over the graveyard like where you guys are driving over the tombs and we just start busting up like dude calm down we're just negative pathway and mind you he you were at the time 16 and I think 16 17 and we were 20 21 and so we're kind of almost we were just laughing around like dude this kid is freaking

[00:21:33] Ryan: Out dude I was like okay so to me to me I genuinely thought so I was

[00:21:43] Jacob: Like I probably like talked to that but

[00:21:44] Ryan: I had only been smoking since I was like four a year yeah like and so I probably talked it out but I was like probably super high I was in the backseat of like these two dudes who I think are the coolest **** dudes ever yeah like we smoked you out to do the lot on price to town a weed I was probably just trying to hang equally with him like that's probably like not saying only a single hit but as we're driving like I'm looking forward I'm sitting in the backseat like looking through their console in the mind you this is a very it wasn't a big car it was like he could see the other like this course it's like an eclipse or something like it was his like read some it was a red

[00:22:21] Ryan: Car or that like you can barely see out of the sides in the back anyways like it's a pretty close so you don't see in the front yeah really and I remember you're just like because even sitting in the front it's like hard to see for some reason over the hood kind of thing yeah you can only kind of see what directly what the headlights are piercing on the other thing goes kind of later at night yeah it was kind of late it was so kind of like light out but just enough for ya yeah okay because I generally thought so I look forward I was thinking of some sort of crazy I thought and then I look forward and I'm a hundred percent convinced we are form head falling we are mobbing over people scribes like me I'm in the backseat holding on because I'm so high I was like I thought that we were just Zack was like **** these grades yeah **** these people under here **** their corpses like yeah are disrespecting like

[00:23:09] Jacob: I yeah for some reason that was it was such a surefire thing to me I remember it so vividly like because I was like these guys are so cool and I turned around and I look out the front windshield and to me we're driving through graves yeah and so I'm like this is not right I will not have a part of this what the **** you guys I remember that it was so funny because you guys like I freaked out and then you guys like didn't say anything and then you like you let me like chill and then you said something like dude we're fine we're on the pathway it was this sobering moment of me looking forward and it's like freaked out were like I was like what do I will not be a part I was not raised like I don't know you got this is not OK to me like but it was awkward our work relationship would have been if you think that was like you're like well this is what we do would you ever grace yeah if we never said anything it's

[00:23:56] Jacob: Like if you **** say anything about us driving over those graveyards yeah like most people have weird secrets but you're like we have a spot for you over there on Thursday nights after work Oh was a great memory yes so that was I mean that really broke into like we were hanging out like all the time oh right after that yeah after that Fiasco of

[00:24:22] Ryan: Being high and not knowing what the hell we were doing is yeah even like though that we were I was 20 or 21 I can't remember I think I was 20 because I can't go to bars yet but even then I still look at myself as a kid right not

[00:24:36] Jacob: Knowing and just you know going to work smoking weed all day and not caring

[00:24:41] Ryan: About it I mean we really did you

[00:24:44] Jacob: Know I don't want to be naive about like Corning yourself into a good corner but like we really weren't like we were bad people yeah we weren't like it's you know people in our world we just live very different lives like we had it together like you and I like our store particularly like in that moment we were like very good like we had high-end sales we showed up on time each other out we enjoy each other's company like our manager was happy like we did good at our jobs we were kind of like turds you know no I definitely I was in high school I had good grades like I like all these things that we talked about doing like we had it together it's just a different life than other people it is but I think yeah I think there's a lot of other kids along other little knucklehead it's a lot of little **** right now or here in this or somehow me might be hearing this one day that like I'm the same boat oh it's just a

[00:25:34] Ryan: Never-ending cycle of news kids going

[00:25:36] Jacob: Through the same things that we are I mean it's probably you know their situations are totally different but at the same time the immoralist story is

[00:25:44] Ryan: That hey we've done what you've done you

[00:25:48] Jacob: Know yeah and we know it you're not the first ones yeah which is sad because everyone's done everything you know like we were talking about earlier like everyone's written that song before a variation of that song and you know when it comes to doing stupid **** people have done it before and you know you're not alone you know just be safe people be safe yeah man I really think like you know it sounds dorky we live in a world where you know that's huge thing I've had to I've had to concur with this podcast like already is talking about

[00:26:21] Ryan: Drugs talking about druggie is talking about she thought it was stupid like as much as that makes everybody very uncomfortable as much as that's like that's not what you do online that's there forever it's like it really happened and if I'm gonna lie about it or you're gonna lie about it or whoever's going to not be honest about what actually happened their life that's one less thing that a young kid who has experienced the same **** or my experience the same **** now has nothing to look up to like mm-hmm like kids need to know that like the stuff that they're doing like it's not okay like you're a turd but like it's also it is okay yeah like not

[00:26:56] Jacob: Not giving people permission to go out and do drugs but letting kids know that hey you're gonna see that thing and you're gonna say it's stupid like yeah do what you need to do be it be as smart as you are right now experience what you need to experience but like it's gonna be okay if you just you know yeah and what's hard about that like you know is trying to tell them hey if you're gonna do it be safe you know how we were just talking about that we were smoking and driving and right of course so we're gonna no place you're not supposed to smoke that's all bad and I will not lie about that you know that's all bad but at the same time those are the memories I would never take that like those are the things that oh my gosh that was so funny at the time dangerous whatever you want to call that not good but oh my gosh yeah I love talking about that every time we easily see yeah okay graveyard dude yeah

[00:27:50] Ryan: We always remember that **** it's so fun to me because it was just like it's such a wonderful first time to like hang out and me and like it's the first time we ever hung out outside of work and it just like made like a brotherly bond I think a lot of that is I understand the

[00:28:05] Jacob: Laws and I understand safety behind like

[00:28:09] Ryan: Drugs and alcohol and weed and whatever

[00:28:12] Jacob: And I think it does it's very important yeah I also think that a lot of us are a

[00:28:20] Ryan: Little more self-reliant than the laws

[00:28:24] Jacob: Make us seem like oh like whether

[00:28:28] Ryan: Whether the laws are school or society whatever wanted me to be completely unaware of drugs until I'm 21 well I smoked weed when I was 15 yeah

[00:28:38] Jacob: So whether you want me to do that or not like I'm around it like whether you want me to pretend it's not there it's there when I was 12 you know like yeah these things we can't just pretend that they're not around us yeah I don't cover it up yeah I think we should learn about it and I don't think that like a young kid should be using drugs like I kind of wish that I had started like drinking and stuff at a later age but and also I

[00:29:00] Ryan: But I think that talking about it and and letting kids experience it and then even as they're young instead of just waiting till they're 26 or in whatever like to talk about it later on yeah we could talk about it right now introspective from our age and they can say like oh yeah like I'm only 19 and I've been drinking for two years but like yeah I don't know it's not I don't want to do it this way or yes it's not all this cracked up to be or whatever I don't know it just explained it talking about things that people actually go through yeah oh yeah I mean I think that people are starting to get it now in this generation anyways by all those

[00:29:37] Jacob: Freaking teen movies that are out you

[00:29:40] Ryan: Know how it's so weird because now

[00:29:43] Jacob: It's one of those things it's normal now you know that kids are oh this is what I see on TV it's always been that way but it's I feel like it's I don't know if it's because we're getting older kind of thing it's like we see it more often you know maybe it's just because now we don't have those blinders or whatever or you know no one's telling us like what we can and cannot do being this age now but for kids it's out there I mean you got your YouTube you got the movies that like mm-hm you can just stream off Netflix and people kids are watching all this you could notice a normals yeah it's like you know like you know that the that whatever drug whatever drug you can think of that's in your brain when you learned it when you were 17 yeah now kids who are nine years old know about it because YouTube they know about it because social media they know about like so this is the thing is kids know about it we can pretend that they don't yeah or we can talk about our experiences with it yeah hey here's what I because a lot of these like I hate

[00:30:47] Jacob: Using the sentence but like a lot of these drugs are helpful but a lot of these drugs a lot of these experiences like so that experience like it's not like the weed gave us that experience our friendship our camaraderie our the situation our laughter are you know like that those things break down our ego and make us think dorky things sure but like if drugs can give people those situations like that's the situation I value with my brothers like that's a valuable situation that I had in my life and at the time it was something that was very found upon at the time you know cuz we wasn't legal back then yeah we were that old case

[00:31:27] Ryan: Where that old but yeah we're gonna have to start saying that we're gonna have to start saying like oh yeah this is a story what a weed was not legal yeah it was illegal here my cool story man that's super not interesting ya know yeah this happened at a time when it was frowned upon but we were sharing a bond that like and so you're brave enough and

[00:31:45] Jacob: Willing to take the risk of doing something illegal with me mm-hmm you know it's one of the how do you say it's cool you have a friend if

[00:31:56] Ryan: You're billing your friend out right you have a bro that's sitting next to you in jail right it's almost like a that bond

[00:32:04] Jacob: But no people we don't like to be in jail none that I've been there don't want to do it again yeah I've actually never been to jail that's one thing what situation yeah not going what I've been there once I'm very level-headed I feel like it's like police come around I'm just like oh look I gotta talk to you I'm gonna talk to them I'm gonna handle a situation like I've always been that **** yeah like I've never been like doing anything wrong but it's funny you know you have these little dorky situations like so it's so that actually that same graveyard the mob breeding graveyard yeah when I was in high school before this mm-hmm before we had our venture where I thought were 4x4 hanging over the graves the grave the tombstones I we got caught smoking like a potato and we were young oh my god this is like in like I don't

[00:32:49] Ryan: Remember exactly the details but I remember what jurisdiction it was anything but the police officers that came up they came up and they were like they were behind us and out of the cars by the time we even knew they're behind us like we're at the top ended up they're like made us super scared they like scared the **** out of us like I guess whatever and then they took the pipe in the weed yeah it's like that show when he's chucked at his heart rate is that what it is maybe I don't know

[00:33:12] Jacob: That's what do into you know that is what they did yeah they're like

[00:33:16] Ryan: So what should they like writing down our names like we're gonna call your parents and all this **** like so all the kids in the car just like please don't whatever and then at the end what he did I don't remember exactly but he literally I think he took like the weed in the pipe in his hand and he just cocked back and he chucked as hard as he could into the woods what he'd the littered okay but I'm saying like he or

[00:33:39] Jacob: Did he not throw the paraphernalia into

[00:33:42] Ryan: The shrubbery oh my gosh yeah it's weird

[00:33:50] Jacob: Though I it's funny like I don't condone that now like that's you know but these are the sort of things like this is like that's like what your uncle would do like if your uncle came in and he's like seize all of you think the kids smoking weed he'd be like hey I'm not gonna tell your parents I'm throwing this **** in the woods get your **** together don't do this you know whatever like yeah I like the cop can do that I just remember that like it was a very like cool moment and I'm sure that like now I mean he was literally if like I don't know who it was I remember George is nothing but like he probably lose his job over that **** nowadays oh yeah you definitely can't do that now because now everyone has phones recording yeah the whole situation yeah they're like I can get Twitter famous and I record this cop yeah I'm not getting me in trouble it's like okay well how about he just like he doesn't want to get you in trouble god damn it he just wants it a better life for you say hey I'm gonna set you on the

[00:34:39] Ryan: Path of righteousness his path of

[00:34:41] Jacob: Righteousness or whatever hey kid I already know where this leads down to he's seen that many times obviously if I can get some young maybe I have made a difference in this kid's life really exactly I mean I yeah I obviously don't remember his name you know I was a younger punk kid but like dude that at that moment was crazy especially like me not having I didn't have at that age I had zero adults in my life that I trusted zero and so like cop whoever it is whoever they're coming up I'm just like how do i how do I just wonder my ass out of this like that's learning my situation like with any interaction it was like how do I get out

[00:35:21] Jacob: Of this or how do I do what I need to do to control this situation like that was like my little **** that's what I would do as a little **** yeah but I didn't have trust in adults and so little stuff like that I'm gonna cop through the through the weed into the into the bushes and like said like get the hell outta here you know like that stuff that's so frowned upon I guess generally now probably but yeah that's definitely something gave me trust as a kid you know yeah what which he did but what you don't know is you were so high that he switched the bag and here's something else they took the freaking pipe and they're like hey hazel yeah he took that weed he smoked it that night and by the way officer if you're listening to this and you remember this story he still smokes weed yeah you didn't see me

[00:36:07] Ryan: You didn't say sorry but yes melted joint before Ryan came over yeah hey I'm also Ryan so I do want to I

[00:36:15] Jacob: Don't want to I'm just like talk about drugs and I own this podcast because you know a lot more than that I invited you on here because your personality but I do want to you I mentioned earlier and I've been studying a lot about like the

[00:36:30] Ryan: Like PTSD depression like with like

[00:36:33] Jacob: Psychedelics and DMA Mali ecstasy MDMA Mali next see those are all when I say those three things let's say they're interchangeable they're the same thing so a lot of people are using a lot of MDMA and psilocybin whatever like just

[00:36:48] Ryan: Drugs - we're changing the way we think of a lot of our drugs and we're out PTSD and so I would like to talk about we've mentioned briefly earlier so back in the day on the same subject of drugs we would have what we would call Mali parties yes so this is something that this is going to be if you've never heard of this is it's a bit silly but bear with us I think that if we describe these I know it sounds dork and I know it sounds very hippie but thinking of the amazing crazy insane feelings that I felt at these like at your home when we were growing up this is years and years ago way long joke oh yeah they get all eight five nine eight five nine yeah like you just like if people with PTSD people with depression people who are lonely if you're listening to this and you've never tried any sort of like we're not gonna talk about psychedelic said we're just talking about MDMA for this one they're doing a lot of research to hunt of research on PTSD like people are I think

[00:37:48] Jacob: The statistic that I read was sixty

[00:37:52] Ryan: Percent of the people who tried MDMA who had PTSD had positive results on there with one like sitting so sixty percent it's like hey yeah PTSD it's not high rating yeah so yeah anyway so I want to talk about we would have Molly parties and like I think you should have been certain that house should have been certified if like for PTSD people is my dad and then he should have been a counselors office oh it's you would you'd become a different person the okay so let's go ahead and set the stage so on the surface level Molly is a

[00:38:26] Jacob: Drug just like ecstasy yeah so it makes you feel nice a lot of people nowadays if you're familiar with it and like party songs or whatever it's something that people take along with cocaine whatever like it's just a party like you're drinking you take some Molly it makes you feel good it's a sex thing whatever yeah but so when we had first I just kind of dabbled isn't yeah cuz Molly was just coming out or like it came out like maybe a year before or something yeah so my understanding of Molly was that it was it's supposed

[00:38:56] Ryan: To be pure MDMA

[00:38:58] Jacob: Yes so ecstasy is MDMA based but it also

[00:39:01] Ryan: Has some ketamine some whatever the **** you want but you don't even see is a press tab MDMA base to Molly based yeah but it also has some other **** that's the reason yes that's the thing that you don't know like that's why they what they call MD and taken Molly is

[00:39:16] Jacob: Rolling you don't get that with ecstasy cuz you're just hot I mean I guess you can roll whatever you feel really but you're just always **** high it's like you never come down and so the

[00:39:28] Ryan: Sling on rolling is that is that because it's up and down like you like feel like oh yeah well it all depends on how you

[00:39:36] Jacob: You know you take it but yeah usually it's when you take MDMA or Molly you just have this feeling in your stomach and it starts and then you get really lightheaded mm-hmm and I'm not gonna get into like the scientific terms you just feel **** good you feel **** yeah and then you come down in the middle of your roll and you're like what the heck and you feel kinda normal still kind of high you know eyes buggin looks like you're feeling a water bottle at Lightspeed yeah and you're talking about starting a podcast you're pressing all of your ideas that you'll never complete it's like cocaine but ten times better yeah people probably haven't done cocaine yeah all right trying to get this okay you're wearing yeah so basically it's that so and then also when you when you hit your low you come right back up and then you're high again and you start feeling good it's like a feeling that I tried to explain because how I feel is you know but at the time I was listening to a lot of music every type of music kind of thing but I told people it feels like

[00:40:50] Ryan: Listening to every single song your

[00:40:54] Jacob: Favorite song that has made you like you know your hair stand you know those goosebumps when you listen to music you know there's it's like every single song

[00:41:04] Ryan: That you ever heard your life played all at once at the same time and you it's like a culmination of those songs yeah it's the it's the feeling of those songs as oh yeah all in one like yeah I think if you if you could I mean you can't even imagine what that feels like because you're just like oh that would sound terrible all those all my favorite song is it what's this house terrible but like think about that feeling yeah feeling of all those yeah and actually the probably the best description that I ever heard in my life of the that feeling it was from Cody mm-hmm you can bleep that out if you want to but he's like say first names okay so Cody he's I

[00:41:39] Jacob: Hit one time we're just you know we're just smoking really high and he's like you know what it feels like I'm like what feels like you can't just like hear Butler that on the conversation like he's like no taking Molly it's like okay he's like it feels like we're Adam and Eve like wait what are you talking about he's like it's that feeling of them discovering things for the first time because they were the first humans right supposedly the first humans on earth so it's like almost like a discovery like oh this is what grass feels like order wow man yeah like you know what I mean like oh like eating an apple for the first time it's like your first times of everything you do you think it's you know because I've been I've been super into a lot of meditation yoga lately so obviously like the present moment like presents like yeah here now it's very like it's something that's been a revelatory experience for me as it turns out do you think Molly almost emphasizes

[00:42:36] Ryan: Your senses so well you can smell more

[00:42:39] Jacob: You can see more intently you can taste of some sorts you can kind of taste whatever you could hear more and usually

[00:42:46] Ryan: Like it emphasizes all of your senses so much to where it's almost an ultra present moment oh yeah that's it yeah

[00:42:54] Jacob: That's it you know that's actually yeah exactly how I don't think about any of your **** you don't think in forward in the future you don't care what's going on you care about living in right moment Yeah right dude if you put you put a **** on Molly ins from nice green grass you wouldn't care if he was allergic to grass and he's like frickin warhead and so swollen he's like dude I don't know about you but this **** grass man well so you know

[00:43:20] Ryan: It's funny like okay so the jokes up

[00:43:24] Jacob: On Molly like everybody like hears about like oh actually like everything feels good you know we've seen get him to the Greek where you stroke in the wall with Jeffrey like all this stuff but so yeah

[00:43:33] Ryan: Thing about MDMA because I think I want these conversations to be somewhat kind of at least a little bit valuable like I understand that we had a different the world was different when we took it we were doing it for party reasons but like looking back it was very yeah we our

[00:43:48] Jacob: Lives but now like people are gonna be taking these like literally in a counseling setting like people are going to be pets and in some smart yeah like that they're going to be in Averett like it's gonna be more casual it's psychedelic research I'm sure probably places like this honestly you come here and you got a dude like me who has tattoos okay like this you got remember it's like if they do they're doing this on a scientific level like sometimes it's like you're you know you well in my head I always go way to movie as kind of thing we're like they're in a white room hey you're gonna be the next I know two hours taking this Molly in a lab coat that's like that's pretty uncomfortable yeah do it like what you're about to describe you know and yeah you know in a comfortable setting yeah I think that's I think it's super important like because we're going over the next 10 years a lot of the research I've been doing this is showing that over the next 10 years as a random

[00:44:41] Ryan: Estimate the in the changes with

[00:44:45] Jacob: Like the research the we're doing a lot

[00:44:48] Ryan: Of the research but it's going to be to the point where like I said outside earlier fifty-three old ladies who have never touched drug in their life have a drink out called a drink violence wanna yeah they're going to be like okay I just went through a divorce I'm like I don't know what to do with my life and a doctor is going to be to the point or at some point whatever this is gonna look like someone they're gonna have a prescription or something for MDMA or so

[00:45:09] Jacob: Siren or whatever it is like the people are gonna need to know like what am I getting into because this is so different like we casually use like

[00:45:19] Ryan: Fun drugs recreationally yeah Marty when

[00:45:23] Jacob: You throw that all that stuff in there and that just gets be turned off yeah so like how do we how do we talk about like so how do we correlate our experience because so when we talk about these fun experiences it's impossible for us to not it's like oh yeah that's not funny like you know like we're laughing it off but how do we make how do we talk about these experiences and make them not like still scary and off-putting to people who could really benefit because thinking about now like we didn't think about it back then but think about now like if you were they give you know people with depression yeah like now that we have these clinical like ideas and like different dosages and what like settings that was gonna be eventually something like you would be like yeah like you should totally try MDMA right yeah you would could you would like if your sister was depressed you'd be like hey like you try it so how do we correlate Ryan I guess I'm asking you like how do we correlate the conversation we're having from like the fun party here's the experiences we had how do we make that sound comfortable for 53 year old ladies

[00:46:23] Jacob: Who just got a divorce are like trying to convince themselves to try this to help themselves deal with the morning of their divorce or the I mean like how do we take like how do they find value from these conversations of us Oh

[00:46:36] Ryan: About taking like the Molly like as a

[00:46:39] Jacob: Prescription drug I will because they do to the next 10 years it's going to be a normal thing yeah might be some sort so hopefully like they have it down to our like you know like the people that are actually administering you know Molly itself you know like obviously when we talk about like you said we were talking about partying so yeah we were taking like a lot you know you're just like

[00:47:02] Ryan: Whatever when that's the quitting is now live hit yeah we worry I'm happy that we were the guinea pigs like not that we are like riding that **** down but there's plenty of **** like us yeah we're just taking whatever and we know what's good what bad amounts are so like that probably helped I hope so if they get it downs like if doctors

[00:47:22] Jacob: Can get it down to where like you if you can just take like a little bit amount just enough to like feel something in like you know it's like I don't know I guess it would be like taking like a depression pool but I don't know what it's like to take a pill like that I do what is it like I know okay so it's I'm super happy to describe it sexually so like I so the first time I had taken it so I had taken I had smoked weed I had drank I had done ecstasy like I was a but let's say casual punk kid at like a good kid I guess but like I've done recreational drugs I've done alcohol whatever when I took so I got prescribed I went into the doctor's office and I literally you go in within five minutes you're you have a prescription here and like you just tell them that I'm sad and they gave me whatever so I

[00:48:17] Ryan: Had SSRIs inhibitors mm-hmm which what I mean you could look it up but it's it's depression medication essentially it's so hard to describe how

[00:48:31] Jacob: It makes you feel because it's not like the drugs that we've ever taken it's not it makes you feel closest to nothing that you can think of so basically it turns off like your emotion inhibitors or something or kind of is well so and i don't want i'm afraid that any listener this might scare the way for it and I think that there's tons of people and I know a lot I know more people than not people I know probably ninety percent of people that I know that I've tried depression medication have had good success with it so if you're listening and you think maybe you should try it give it a goddamn try don't listen to me but for me it was terrible I had a terrible time to pressure medication it was the most disconnected feeling I felt I had this weird the way that I can

[00:49:14] Ryan: Describe it I couldn't feel sad I couldn't feel empty but I knew that I should I knew that I should I'm like oh this is where emptiness would go and it felt as if that was taken from me and

[00:49:28] Jacob: And that's how I felt like I was like that's how like my mental state was on this medication and so that's where like so they say like suicidal thoughts get very prevalent like that's how I was like okay this is this is where that sparks want it's like not even helping yeah this may take away all your feelings so hope you can deal with it so it's not that intense though because when I first I mean there was times where I really did feel good like you feel like it makes it to where your highs aren't so high and your lows aren't so low which for a while that is nice because sometimes you get to a point where you're like dude I've been either incredibly happy or incredibly depressed for the last like these two feelings like where can I find a happy medium you're **** hardcore on the gas hardcore it breaks yeah exactly it's like you can't live life like that's like to me right now you just described it like I don't like that I wouldn't I would hate that cuz no like you know me it's like you know I've never been on any medication or whatever

[00:50:23] Ryan: But I've been through depression and you

[00:50:26] Jacob: Know had those crazy weird suicidal thoughts I don't want to call it weird I'm sorry but you know because a lot of people feel these feelings but no they're weirdest **** it's super weird it's the second yeah I hate getting to that point so I like I said I don't know I never went to a doctor or whatever but I knew that I wasn't feeling any plate I don't take the same way my solo right now like yeah you know cuz I felt really how do you know who you know we have a sense of who we are like you're like wait like I appreciate I'm a happy ass dude like I'm not these aren't my feelings like what's that you know yeah exactly so it's like me like I hate what hate to say this way but it's like man I can't believe I made it this far in life for like feeling the things I felt and like and the thoughts that would just go through my him I do that's not even worth it anymore so like for me to hear that feeling of like you know like you said like some people you know taking these depression pills yeah it has worked but what happens to the

[00:51:24] Jacob: People that doesn't work you know or they just on another pill that makes them even worse and I sound like you're just like your body's not even normal anymore you know it's full you're just pumped full of drugs and trying to make you feel a feeling and well in its right ones suit it's so scary because you get to the like so like I had I had this moment I think I'm actually meant to this one here before but I had this moment where I had a reddit comment

[00:51:51] Ryan: Actually like pull me out of this like

[00:51:52] Jacob: So I was feeling kind of good like so I had up my dose I had tried a couple different essays I think they were all everything that I tried or the doctor gave me and they're all SSRI inhibitors

[00:52:01] Ryan: If that changes I'll come back to the podcast and chocolate I think they're all it is alright knitters so I got like a higher dose cuz he said he kept saying like no I think this is the one just keep like it would be like go to him a couple weeks later because what they do is they give you here's this dose coming back to me in three weeks what a week or two happen whatever it was and I'm like I don't feel good this not good I feel

[00:52:22] Jacob: Crazy like please know in like he

[00:52:25] Ryan: Doesn't really like what does he can do what can he possibly do like he's not therapist he's living my old family doctor from when I was a kid like I really I feel bad for the guy like hid the positions that doctors are put in now for this stuff ik he's no psychiatrist he doesn't know what I really need yeah it doesn't have enough time to talk to me like he's yeah he's a

[00:52:41] Jacob: Guy to remedy whatever's going on as of right now yeah what are you feeling oh well head stuff that's not my I know I mean in email very comfortable but he only has five minutes yeah you know but anyway so anyway so I read this comment

[00:52:55] Ryan: On reddit I was feeling good my doses were kind of like I was it had been probably only weeks to where I was like I almost had forgotten that I was taking the medications outside of I had some gnarly side effects like sleep was an issue and then I had I was constantly sweating always sweating like my legs were just constantly sweating which is crazy that terrible **** thing yeah but

[00:53:16] Jacob: Uh I read this comment on reddit that

[00:53:20] Ryan: Said I was on depression medication something about it would have been nice but then I realized that none of it was real and it wasn't actually me feeling good it was the drugs that were making me feel normal it was something like that like some sense that was very blunt like yeah it's not me doing it the drugs that are making and it clicked something in me and it was like my depression was like I control your life now like it was like this terrible clicking thing yeah so for me like in that so those are moments where I think that like the suicidal thoughts that they like warned you about on TV and stuff I think those are the moments where it's like you should kill yourself for now yeah like it like it's so I felt that I grasped that and I was

[00:53:59] Jacob: Like oh no and then this is stupid and any listeners don't do this do not do this but I cold turkey it's like oh like I just stopped yeah I heard you're not supposed to do that yeah it wasn't even I was I honestly I don't remember honestly I don't remember like laying on the ground like having withdrawal Senate on mine people are like oh it's horse hair withdrawals it's worse than like blah like I know that I kept

[00:54:24] Ryan: Casually I kept drinking I had probably

[00:54:27] Jacob: Done cocaine within the last couple weeks after like quitting it like at least once but like not that I like did cocaine every day or something yeah like just casually I kept partying and I think that I was just in such a state of self hate and oppression that like it just was adding on like my withdrawals or whatever you would call it yeah you're just like rolling up your head with it everything should I was it was it was just more like yeah but things suck right now that's cool yeah I feel shitty I always feel shitty cool yeah so that's that was this beer like you know hang out with a bunch of people make me feel a lot better like replacing maybe avoid the crowd to have maybe if I can just avoid if I lay down too long I sore thing about so let's not sleep as much as I can all these things I did distract myself but yeah so that's the way that it feels to pressure medication for me anyway and everybody feels different so you got to take it slow if you need to try it if your doctor thinks you to try it somebody a family thinks you can try it try it but yeah

[00:55:18] Jacob: For me it made me very honestly a little bit comparable to do a weed high okay a

[00:55:26] Ryan: You're not fully you're kind of just a little bit of a numb like you kind of just a little bit of stagg like you're just a little bit mmm okay it's like

[00:55:38] Jacob: It's um like more like some noise that

[00:55:41] Ryan: You can't even like pitch to this like

[00:55:44] Jacob: You know once I hear this noise you're like it's not miserable it's not happy yeah it's not because when you think of our brains when we think of like oh you didn't feel anything or no it's not super-happy we think of that sounds scary that feels comfortable it's not that it's like you feel miserable all the time but it's this weird in-between feeling and some people just it just doesn't right it didn't work for me I remember I had a I was at the first

[00:56:09] Ryan: Week and I had a hair appointment and I'm friends with my that lady who cuts my hair she's awesome yeah and she was talking to me and then at some point I kept up with the after a while but then like the medications really started to kick in I started getting like I didn't really want to talk and she's like pointed it out I mean she like said something she's like what's wrong like you're acting weird and like I obviously don't want talking like whoa I wanted a really high dose of freshmen occasion cuz I'm trying not to blow my **** brains out when I go home yeah like obviously if I tell you and I remember like realizing that I had to explain it to other people like why I was acting weird I like maybe like why I kind of look like I was on drugs or whatever it was I goes on a high dose of whatever but like that moment realizing that I had to explain it was like oh yeah like how do you talk to it like someone like you barely know and say yeah oh by the way I'm acting like this

[00:56:56] Jacob: Because of well why would she probably been super cool she really would anybody a lot of people would be like maybe a little caught off guard at first but give them a few seconds to get some bearings and honestly I've noticed that people are like yeah okay oh yeah so my uncle took two freshman you know you type two types

[00:57:14] Ryan: Of people or three types one more like oh I feel the same way one is they had they know someone of it the third one is let me tell you of how you should feel

[00:57:24] Jacob: And like oh that's just a feeling that you just got tell yourself in the morning every like I'm happy right now it's like something about like my dad used to tell me it's like I don't get why people would kill themselves or whatever all this **** and he's like you know you just wake up you look in the mirror until your self you're happy I'm like I don't think it

[00:57:42] Ryan: Works like that well that's one of the

[00:57:45] Jacob: Answers I hated the most you know and it's something I never wanted to talk to my dad about like still to this day I haven't really told him but like he knows that like I am very an emotional man mm-hmm he knows that I can be like pretty like suit like you know super happy or I could be just like I wouldn't say a word he's like do it was wrong like I don't lo-lo's her like yeah you know I never had like a that happy medium you know not until now you know it's one of those things you just got a were like what sucks is like I never have taken any pills I never went to a doctor about it you know or talked it's like I'm just happy I'm one of those people I had my I had my friends you know I had really good friends like you know and you know now I have my wife and like people who cared about me enough to say that like holy **** like you know what I need to get myself out

[00:58:38] Ryan: Because if I don't either I'm gonna be

[00:58:41] Jacob: Left behind and gone you know or I can't be with the people I love the most right you know and that like hurt me so much I'm like dude I you know what I almost gave in to like what my dad's like I just got look in the mirror and to say hey I'm happy blah you know just like you know it's a I took in a little bit of every what everyone said you know like those three people that I hated the most like maybe if I take that all in at the same time maybe I can figure this out you know which I still till this day I a field of like the low lows I still feel the high highs you know but at the same time it's

[00:59:19] Ryan: Like now I got people that care about me right what like I there's no way I like now have my wife and a kid on the

[00:59:27] Jacob: Way you know it's like holy **** I don't want to be that guy yeah I want to stick around for the oh man I can't wait to see like my future kid you know and be with my wife for the rest of my life in you know even with my friends and family like what was holy crabs like if I do this right now it's like because I see my friend and like kill himself but you know but he passed away at such a young age and I saw the impact he had I'm like you know I'm not saying like I'm like him because I guy was incredible but you know it's like what

[01:00:00] Ryan: What are the repercussions of me doing

[01:00:03] Jacob: That so you know letting the depression win and the effects that it has on people yeah got it you got a you know it's funny like I realized that just by standing up and fighting and just by the living your life like you just by

[01:00:19] Ryan: Getting married in love and Katie in

[01:00:22] Jacob: And loving your life and taking what your dad told you when you were younger and thinking about it now like just by living your life you are encouraging others to do the same okay I've ever thought of that new aren't you yeah you get you give people permission to fight by fighting you know like I guess that's another thing that I want to have with this podcast is just be like hey like you know **** we're all going through some **** but like we're pushing through and if you need to take some energy if you need to take some power from us pushing through like here take it yeah take it you know yeah so yeah that's come in yeah we got it we got to keep pushing we got to keep like no we don't **** always know the answers but they seem like they kind of lay themselves out later in life if you just keep like yeah just go in yeah definitely like for the kids you know like because we were so young going through this crap you know it's like now everyone's going through like anxiety and stuff like that but they're going at it in the wrong way like you know what

[01:01:21] Jacob: We kind of did we filled those voids or whatever with something wrong like I know that like you know some drugs not saying that like you know later on maybe like you said we were talked about earlier like MBA could help you know you know like it service those it's rounded to go like right I would say in ten years it's going to be literally like a pharmacy thing oh I would hope so I mean it's the most amazing feeling that you ever feel you know like but like we were saying earlier they don't hopefully you know it's like here's three hits you might feel a little down in the morning but those memories that you have to yeah as long as you just remember the memories you'll be good yeah just hold onto those

[01:02:02] Ryan: Memories like so they just give you a Rumspringa situation they're like you're gonna go to a rave here's a couple of festival tickets you're gonna you're gonna cleanse your ego yeah stop being **** sad take this **** and you may go to have a good night bro yeah just and then after that just hold on to those memories and it'll make you happy for the rest of your life okay so what is it okay wait let's get let's get more detailed with MDMA okay what's what is it about MDMA so my one of my very like so I had an experience on MDMA and

[01:02:41] Jacob: That literally changed me as a person in that sounds scary to any listeners if you've never taken any sort of drugs I know that sounds so **** weird and scary and uncomfortable and you don't want that at all but this is a very good thing I actually had a moment the sounds hippie but it had good benefits in my life I had my best friend at the time Ian Fulton's it just could gotta be around and then I was dating meditating girl back in high school mm-hmm all right I love you should

[01:03:07] Ryan: Probably what that anyway so anyway okay so back in the day I was with one of my good friends in a girl that I was dating back in high school we had taken MDMA we were literally outside on the grass I'm not kidding this is something we didn't know much about and he I don't even know how much we took I don't even know what it was something we knew nothing about but we were on the grass and I literally had moments where we were all sitting there we weren't talking where I was kind of looking around joining another company yeah I was in the grass and I had this thought to myself not even like a high like she do you dare to do it yeah it was a I enjoy this grass right now like

[01:03:43] Jacob: This grass laying here with my elbow on the grass with my two very close friends this is a wonderful beautiful this is

[01:03:51] Ryan: What life is about this is great I have this time when I was like I should generally appreciate grass more and I remember I had this time where even at that moment I'm new it was laughable like dorky thing but I was like this is like actually a real this is something I can take with me to sober life to regular the we're at rest my world is I should appreciate these two people I should appreciate my friends more I should appreciate things like grass more and honestly I think you know is ever lasting effects but for like the months afterwards I was on like a euphoric like I'm appreciating things more because Molly because MDMA kind of shuts down here like default mode Network it shuts down your ego like moves around in

[01:04:30] Jacob: Your brain it's done it's you're good to just see what's in front of you so for me around somebody first times it really helped me in the moment realized that what I have in front of me is great the grass my friends whatever that sounds dorky but yeah everlasting effects of being able to be present and being able to look at the things around me and be like you know I am grateful that I have a garage like you don't think goodness I'm in collage that's nice yeah I'm a basketball hoop thing like I didn't have a basketball hoop my whole life growing up like I have a basket that's so cool the it helps you appreciate a little like the tiniest things yeah do you have any experience I would have to say probably the best experience that I knew

[01:05:13] Ryan: That I realized in like holy crap this

[01:05:16] Jacob: This drug this Molly was awesome was when we were all up there I wish you were there to actually for this one where when we're actually doing this but we were sitting in a circle up in remember but we called thugz mansion up

[01:05:30] Ryan: There in the freaking attic well yeah it's supposed to be an attic but we totally cool dude it was like bleh it was like blankets and stuff yeah blankets and my and you worked in the movie theater and so there was cool ass movie all we had I had every movie poster you can think about they were this sick and they were the ones that like everybody wants right like they're like you go to movie theaters you're like oh do that say oh I had sick of sick what was awesome like when you got in that room you would have to like even for me people I am only five and a half and yes I will always cherish that half but anyways I would like I would have to be ducking a little bit just a

[01:06:07] Jacob: Little bit just to get in this room and you know everyone else was like bent over to try to get but as soon as you laid down like we had like all those pillows and

[01:06:17] Ryan: Blankets gonna wash all the time because we had people over like we were worried sick hippy so like yeah no gross you know it was clean oh we clean that nice clean environment oh it was it was a bunch of bros but like every take care of it dude okay take two take the care

[01:06:32] Jacob: To read instead of it no but essentially this was like a crawl at an attic that you can duck in but almost walk in yeah but it was covered in blankets the stuff but not like dirty like it was like I can't have you walk around the corner and you just like oh my god this is so yeah it was rad and they had the door to open and look like a freakin old western

[01:06:52] Ryan: Door that you like Paulo what the bar remember that it had like a little hook but it looked like a freakin yeah like a door from like the from the West or something like a western movie you're like just kick it open you're like I'm here I'm here but anyways so we were going we were laying in a circle kind of

[01:07:11] Jacob: Everyone's just sitting up there just you know for summer we just hit like we

[01:07:17] Ryan: Weren't like our high we like you know we're like where he goes yeah we were past the peak and then for some

[01:07:26] Jacob: Reason I just yelled like not yelled but I was like hey guys we should all say

[01:07:31] Ryan: Something nice to each other and so that we like we took turns and I'm like hey

[01:07:38] Jacob: You know let's say you know when crystal was a little boy doesn't like hey everyone we're gonna take turns and we're gonna say something really nice to crystal like how she affected your life or why she's so important to you and we

[01:07:54] Ryan: Did that with everybody and I swear when we came out of that room break something that oh it turned like everyone's mood

[01:08:03] Jacob: Like we went from like you know just kind of like hanging out partying on a thing to like we went downstairs and you know like how when you're on it you know you're always like oh so hives and stuff but we're at a when we start rolling

[01:08:17] Ryan: Again we weren't like crazy anymore you

[01:08:19] Jacob: Know we were just sitting there like so just chill like you know and then we just kept talking like me you are right now but we were just feeling good it's there's no negative response everything you know smartass remarks it was just people hanging out and loving each other yeah so what is the I think the negative annotations with MDMA with ecstasy like with the media is always like it's very like sexual it's always

[01:08:43] Ryan: So well used like I don't even know if I've ever had sex on a man yeah actually I really don't think I have but it's honestly I'm sure it makes whatever you're doing better like I'm sure sex on him he means walking oh I never have either yeah but I don't want to ruin it so all right I'm sorry I have no that's why I've heard a ton of people say that it's like hey don't do it on him do you make you do it off it's not but I mean I don't know we got sex is like pizza I like sex it's just cool yeah sex is great it's like I think

[01:09:11] Jacob: That the sexual like it's not like you take xsa you take an MDMA take Molly you just start like rubbing the dude next to you rub like the girl that's really yeah it's not really like that I mean it's an amplification of your environment and it also shuts off your I think it shuts off your default mode Network so your ego is out of the way so think of in that situation to where like imagine you're at like whoever you are listening to this year with you're with Ryan Santos in a room you feel kind of good you fill this new drug like I like I'm happy and he says hey we should look around we should you know say something we like about each other we should look chill in the eyes right in the face and say you know what do you like about me like what something awesome about me like that you and your friend groups you would not say you wouldn't just be having some blood lights with your boys and say like hey yeah hey Stevie yeah you got beautiful eyes and honestly the way you treat your sister is very respectable thank you

[01:10:04] Jacob: Yeah i you know that doesn't happen all it is like you talk **** about each other I'm talking about okay in you I know you mean well you know you mean well but so the thing about the mmm it's oh so these moments if you're listening in it you know **** if for whatever reason if this is later in life or whatever if somehow MDMA is legal or you have a way of safely getting it like I don't condone illegal use of anything of course but a like create the environment with you and your friends like honestly like try not do to its some rave and like people they talk to you but you know you explained it earlier about like oh you takin like ghosts and you're filling up on somebody it's like no because you're in that environment like one leg we never I guess we had those shows just starting to like be more popular like the EDM what was there but it wasn't there yet and so it's not like we went out to like all these shows and like oh whatever we threw these parties just with their really good friends and if you wanted to come join an experiment with Molly

[01:11:07] Ryan: Itself like hey come on over we'll show you the time yes so what is so what is

[01:11:12] Jacob: Is there a world where you know again assuming these things will be legal in the next few years whatever where you

[01:11:20] Ryan: Can get your friends together regardless of who you are as a person regardless of what you're trying to experience get together with a bunch of friends and take MDMA like so we would literally have back in the day into your house we'd have Molly parties yeah I think we did that calmly party oh yeah that's all **** the name we're just Molly party yeah Molly parties man it's so dude I

[01:11:38] Jacob: Mean so what we would do honestly again these are cool stories and I certainly want to share them because they're cool but I really am emphasizing like you know coins it seems to any listener and I am emphasizing because I think that these things like I had a traumatic

[01:11:55] Ryan: Childhood experience like I had I had I had rough times to childhood and these are things that I think saved me and

[01:12:01] Jacob: Like helped me mm-hmm loved my life more than I could have ever even thought up you know like it like we had such good times but so anybody who's able to like him in the future imagine like if people are you know people have wine parties now 50-year old ladies like oh come on over well we'll have some appetizers and we'll watch if I can I don't know Golden

[01:12:19] Ryan: Girls yeah whatever like but do you like you can have a thing like hang out with your friends and you can take MDMA yeah

[01:12:25] Jacob: I do it safely and you could all like you know or even just with you and your husband or you and what are the prisoner you and a counselor if this is the way that things are going like I don't know these Molly party's men we would get everybody together and just have the funnest not only a funnest time but like the most loving time like yeah if you walked into if we were having a moment party imagine 10 people on MDMA and we're just having great conversation honestly that's probably the base of it if you walked in you would just see five different very intricate wonderful conversations oh but you feel that love when you are through the door like exactly people open up man it's like that door of being shy or you know like something that you've lived for your whole life of like not being able to talk you know and I really like

[01:13:12] Ryan: That's like totally not me I've always

[01:13:14] Jacob: Been like you know two feet in the mouth man you can still to this day you can't shut me up but there's like people I've known that actually lived with us that you've never really talked and they get down to like the down-and-dirty of what they've been through and you know it's not like we sat there and cried to each other or something all right we were just like you know if you did honestly it would be like a Coulomb that would just hit that like let's do something cool like it would be that cool oh yeah oh yeah fantastic you know it's like hey you know what you got it out you talked about like something you never wanted to talk about but like that person would like even new people that would come over then didn't live with us you know when we had these Mali parties would the next day like either you knew or like other people were just like that was the best night of my life I never knew you could do this kind of stuff without

[01:14:03] Ryan: Having like the whole sexual innuendos

[01:14:07] Jacob: Of like you know or just like oh yeah like a rager kind of thing we were just like relax I just I never understood the whole hey like I you know I've done it you know good like this was afterwards but like go to a rave or something at my party man I don't know yeah that's missing out something so yeah well so that we were talking about that before here too I've been a DJ for a long time and so like I see being a DJ for a long time when I say that a lot of times it's kind of like remember where I'm at I'm the sober person behind the decks yeah on the Saturday nights on the Friday nights when I still feel that he's done play this no I mean no but like so I see the last 10 years of my life has been I'm in the corner as a surveillance camera I'm my job is to look around like I'm playing the song and playing this five do people like it so my job every three minutes is to look around and inspect the room so for the last Friday and

[01:15:06] Jacob: Saturday of the last ten years I've been every 3 minutes inspecting every room that I've been in yeah you know as a DJ like so crazy so it's hard for people to think about like that way you know and I'm in that makes people uncomfortable actually like if you really can't put it that way I guess but this guy has evidence he's recorded a ha yeah **** that we did taking photos if you're listening to this I have a photo of you probably maked no I mean I just Christie we have fun - yeah photo of you Christie I actually have your phone so if you can have had it for six months who's Christie your boyfriend cheating on you yeah Steve yeah I saw him at

[01:15:50] Ryan: The club I always do know that bastard

[01:15:55] Jacob: That cheating bastard

[01:15:58] Ryan: No but I see so I have seen

[01:16:02] Jacob: The before I started DJing before I ever

[01:16:06] Ryan: Even touched the **** before I ever started eating before anything I had taken MDMA had taken money had gone to festivals yeah but I had also before that I had gone to your house and experienced the love on another level that I had never felt before yeah especially I was like a kid can we talk about when you were there and you're pulling people into my room oh my god we need to talk about that let me

[01:16:31] Jacob: Tell you how much love he was feeling that night guys you'll tell you in a second this is great all right you only tell it tell it ok so listen listeners if you have

[01:16:40] Ryan: Heard the song affect most people probably heard home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros home let me go this is great thank you one song right so the album of that song is on he's the **** best out like it's so good oh so it was amazing so this song came out and I was at this time my life this was I had gone from

[01:17:02] Jacob: And probably honestly listening to a lot of like Linkin Park and like more hip-hop kind of like angry of Lestat Killswitch Engage was very into like Metal Mulisha and this was kind of my first I've liked everything the whole life all this music was the first time I disappeared it's like this like super hippie stuff for me like this is a chill folk music like very nice yeah so at Ryan's party that day I went to the store I bought the album like I bought this physical CD like it came with a poster I think hell yeah I think he had it pre-planned or something like I already know it's gonna happen this is probably like a very plan thinking to me honestly III feel like dingy wait did you buy it that day or did you buy it like a couple days before and then you listened to it

[01:17:42] Ryan: I don't know I can't remember but I just Tobi did it honestly yeah I know it felt like it was that day I don't know either way I had recently bought this bought this album Edward Chapman next zeros I

[01:17:52] Jacob: Forget the name of the but at home now remember I don't know the name but I would say the album so what I would do how many people you think read that party like 20 max no actually you know what maybe new 30 no we never had that

[01:18:11] Ryan: Many people over with yeah wasn't yeah it was only like usually comes in the teens but that night we did actually a lot of people I don't know so it's so either way we were so what we do we're all rolling we're all having a good time every is in their own world and I went in Ryan's room and I locked myself in there and I put on his TV I put on the

[01:18:30] Jacob: Album and I would play the album and what I would do is I would go into the party and I would walk up to people and I mean I was I would I thought it was the best thing oh it was the best thing ever that I whispered if you're gonna be doing this you know whisper in someone's ear whether you're on Molly or not and then drag them into the room and it's totally dark and they're like is that the little 32 inch TV I had to do it was a portal it was a portal you know it's cool I've always created these portals for people in my life that I've I'm glad that I'd do it for a living now but I

[01:19:14] Ryan: This album was so it honestly it meant

[01:19:17] Jacob: So much to me like it was such a great album at the time anyway but like honestly on Molly you feel like you really understand on when you take these drugs when you really have well your analytical brain shuts down take the time to like yeah listen or - yeah or like so think about songs that you think is beautiful think about why you think it is beautiful you don't really know but when you're on MDMA you have

[01:19:38] Ryan: Assessed over your like I don't know why it's beautiful but that is so okay and I'm gonna let myself I'm not gonna let myself say like I need to know why it's beautiful before I feel any more beautifulness you say I'm gonna feel whatever I want to feel with for no reason so it's like you've let yourself feel it beautifulness I mean that's weird but anyway so I would play through this album I would show like a couple specific songs and the person whoever they were whatever state they were in the first place they would literally just melt their face would melt in this room oh it was a person I'd like I gotta show you this yeah I well I was watching people coming out of that room like what are they doing I'm like every 15 minutes thirty minutes my party here and it's but by the way it's male and female coming out of this room what is happening and then all of a sudden you finally asked me am i okay I got to find out what the hell is happening in there you take me in and I can't even remember

[01:20:27] Ryan: What song that you're showing me I'm pretty sure home was one of them and then you showed me a couple other songs and I just remember just sitting

[01:20:35] Jacob: Back and then just closing my eyes and just in like I can I can never listen to

[01:20:42] Ryan: Any of those songs normally yeah kind of like it was like that and then there's another song when you weren't there when someone blasted I think it was Darren one night he's like do yellows in the song I'm like okay and it was freaking Michael Jackson man in the mirror and all song is like you haven't heard this way it's like we've all heard it dude what the heck but when you're on Molly it's like holy **** it was different but did that time when it was the way that you just pulled everyone like you're having like an individual like connection with everyone at this party and showing all these songs of that album man I like I said I can't listen

[01:21:27] Jacob: To that album again ever itching it that just the way the melody was and I you know what I wouldn't have never listened to them if it wasn't for that night right and I do that's so cool to me that makes me so excited like yeah like because I just remember like I loved it and you know you know what it was too is I was at that age I was very like I've always been a popular guy but I was very low and honestly like I was very like I've always been popular like honestly like that's a weird thing to say out loud that's a weird thing to even like stay it's a as a matter of fact it's like when you know you know I yeah but I like there's also like even my best **** friends that have known me forever they will agree with you I'm not like them like a I'm just different like so when I'm able to like say like wow like there's something that like do other people feel this much beauty when they listen to music because

[01:22:18] Ryan: I don't think I'm allowed to talk about it because I can made fun of and so when I'm able to like obviously the drugs like of course like yeah like makes you just **** fill things another level but like I love that album so much and the fact that there was a first time in my life at a young age I was priced 16 or so that I can bring people and be

[01:22:34] Jacob: Like hey like this gives me like a fit like is this okay to feel like do you feel this and like you guys are like you have that thank you for sharing that and I'm like wow like you value my friendship you know so it's something that like you guys like you bringing me into your guys's friendship group man was just like yeah it's so great and then able to be myself in moments like that oh yeah exactly and that's what I loved about it dude it's like we were it it was the house and by the way this

[01:23:00] Ryan: House we almost had for like almost two years I think her it's like a year and a half but I don't think it was longer than that I didn't it we did a lot of stuff in the house haha it was like it

[01:23:10] Jacob: Was every weekend it's not saying that we have Molly parties every weekend people but no but we had we had friends there yeah it was a drink and stuff like that you know like weed smoke but it like there was all it was kind of just like this is where you went yeah it's like I'm hung in the thing was a little fun fact that there was never a fight there really there was no fistfights there's no arguments I could see that so plainly to like yeah no way there'd be a fight there yeah I mean there's like after I think we're when we're moving out and stuff like that they're like a couple like arguments about like random stupid **** you just you know it's water in a bridge right yeah it's like when you get too close to someone after that you can like me to have that feeling fo I can say this to you because I'm comfortable enough but then Elite so fight it's like being a relationship you know but out of like I was surprised

[01:23:58] Ryan: Like wow

[01:24:01] Jacob: Usually when you have a house like this is always a fight there's always some **** that was not invited you know gets mad at somebody and you're

[01:24:10] Ryan: Like dude why did you bring Jimmy

[01:24:13] Jacob: Everyone knows Jimmy kiss a dick and so

[01:24:18] Ryan: Ya don't that never happened and so cuz

[01:24:21] Jacob: We've each other yeah it was round cuz we had like it doesn't matter who you were we had Hicks over there we had like people that just like you know everybody yeah everybody was welcome there oh it sorry that I said Hicks alright but we live in a town oh yeah that's another funny thing we got to explain so like like Sarge our terminology talking to because I actually had so Hicks I actually have said the term redneck and I had a lady on the plane last year at a lady like give me this whole spiel about it's very offensive to st. rednecks do you know that how redness is like if I say in Castle Rock there's rednecks that's offensive Oh someone be offensive is it that because like they went down like what that word actually meant I think yes well it means a back well if I remember right it's like back in the day it's the

[01:25:13] Jacob: Rednecks were the people that actually worked out in the fields outside they were screwed over by the banks yeah the lesser people they were considered like hey I make more money or just be **** you just work out in the fields here's ready if you have redneck from me Ephram yeah from the Sun and everything so well so it's funny I'm sure that is the definition but I mean the way that we've grown up Mike you crew up and toodle like it like class of 50 buddy yeah I had people at my senior year flying that flag Confederate flag and those and those guys had no idea what that flag actually really meant and I hated them for it I was like that's the thing the idea about history it's actually painful cuz it's like you kind of want to just let them like okay will you just be an idiot but also like you need to know mm-hmm I don't know no yeah it's

[01:26:01] Ryan: It's stupid I mean definitely I kind of

[01:26:04] Jacob: Got like growing up you know being Filipino you know dark-skinned Filipino and you know growing up in total class of 50 out in the freaking sticks and you just have these sorry to say Hicks but if that's the case is a I hope not but someone will find it offensive right if you find it offensive please leave that in the comment below and if I give enough comments I started getting money I think so comment yeah it's so funny because someone actually told me about being offended by things he's like you know what how this how of usually if you're not offended then I'm offended so

[01:26:40] Ryan: It's like if yeah like you're not you yeah if you're not I'm offended if you're offended then I'm not offended it's like people are like I was telling you earlier something like person told me it was like hey can you not see Jesus

[01:26:55] Jacob: Christ in front of me right and I was like wait what he's in you know I'm known him for a while now and I was like he's like yeah I don't like you saying my Lord saviors name in vain and then I you know I'm a super nice guy I was gonna you know and I just said okay whatever you know I'll stop saying it but I almost I almost had the thing to say well you can't make any more Asian jokes

[01:27:19] Ryan: To be yeah exactly like Asian like you say you get to choose what I say with my language can offend your beliefs but supposed to be cool with ya I'm supposed to be cool with you saying it's like I'm

[01:27:30] Jacob: Not offended but like dude you know i-i-i almost want to give him the exact example you know it's like hey man the thing is like if I say that I'm actually be offended because you are saying something about Who I am right and then I bet you mean further yeah and then it's like you know Jesus Christ is like well that's my believe I'm like oh so you're throwing your religion at me now he's and then in he I know he try to explain he's like I'm not probably religion and stuff like that I just like it I like that the relationship that I have with Jesus Christ God and stuff and I said well can you look I wanted to say can you look up religion for me because I'm pretty sure it means believing in a higher power well okay it's I mean I

[01:28:17] Ryan: Think oh now we're going to deep waters now I mean that people are about to get a super offended here we go mother oh ho I mean because

[01:28:26] Jacob: I've become quite a spiritual man last year yeah I wouldn't say I'm and I just I mean I don't give a fine **** about Ray labels I'm definitely just but I

[01:28:36] Ryan: Think choosing what someone else says

[01:28:42] Jacob: With their mouth is insane that's not something you can ever choose so when you said whatever the situation was you probably just it was a casual I don't Jesus Christ like oh you know someone walks around the corner too fast a cat jumps and they get all sketchy like cats do yeah any coke Jesus **** guys yeah like you didn't mean to say like this

[01:29:01] Ryan: Situation is unimportant in terrible to me and I'm equated that to your belief in Jesus Christ yeah you did not say

[01:29:10] Jacob: That you said here's a sound that's coming out of my mouth because I was just startled really quick or whatever the situation was they don't get to say like hey what you said actually means this I understand that same situation would like to say like the N word yeah like we can say that same situation for the N word and it doesn't make sense like yeah it just casually say the N word because you were startled by a cat come around the corner but like there's got to be some sort of give this guy that you're talking about that was like can you please not say the Lord's name in vain he knows god damn well god damn well I

[01:29:39] Ryan: Said that you did not mean yeah hey

[01:29:42] Jacob: I'm trying to insult your religion if he personally does not want to take the Lord's name in vain that's his choice other than that he can't control he do what he can also do while he's standing next to you while he's standing next to you can pick up a cat and you could punch it right in the **** face he can't do it's not his he's not controlling what you're doing yeah exactly you can do whatever you want and I think that we do have this fine line of like here's what I think you mean do

[01:30:09] Ryan: You mean this like because we can't just say like well I meant this and it was fine but he knows I'm sure om well

[01:30:17] Jacob: It's yeah I mean something bad it's like either I can get an argument with this guy you know it's like how do I get an argument about my you know with a friend saying there's this **** that it even doesn't even freaking matter I'm like dude why are you pushing this on like he wasn't pushing it's just like the fact that he just like went out and said that like enough to say I'm like holy **** like you're the one who always talks about how people are always offended by so many things and you go off to my face and say

[01:30:45] Ryan: You were offended by this I'm like holy

[01:30:48] Jacob: **** people who put Jesus Christ

[01:30:51] Ryan: Jesus **** is this **** I was

[01:30:56] Jacob: Like holy crap you know I was like it's not even worth it because he's one of those guys it's like you know when you meet those people that you just know that they have to be right kind of thing they have to always be the like the one-upper I like I'm he is he's not like saying I'm better than you but he always just like oh I know you like that restaurant that's stupid like go to this he's the one who knows everything yeah he's that guy he's got some experience yeah and I'm just like dude stop I'm not looking for advice buddy like cool like that's oh that's your opinion I think people and don't understand that their opinions are not right yeah like

[01:31:33] Jacob: Like your opinion is that's what you think is you just you yeah man and with what the funny thing is actually about that is like he hates when he's like oh would you want this or this I'm like I don't care he's like what do you mean you don't care and I'm sorry I'm about to get now I'm gonna be sexist my dude why yeah like why he being a girl right now way better girl like what you're acting worse than my ex-girlfriend like why you only care so much about what's something that doesn't even **** matter and it's thing it's so trivial all right the things that he cares about so much that everything he's everything huh almost has to be perfect and I'm like stop you want to know why you haven't adjusted and really stressed out

[01:32:22] Jacob: And all this stuff you know what being stressed and stuff and weird about stupid stuff and that do that **** with your body I know it does it really you sit here and you clench you tighten your stomach you type your muscles you stress yourself out you do we hurt our body when we try to just clench like yeah it's like controlling affect like that's the one emotion being stressed out like I how I used to be I used to be

[01:32:45] Ryan: So stressed like him like but I was younger this guy like freakin 47 or something like dude

[01:32:51] Jacob: If you don't calm down

[01:32:54] Ryan: Really quick and light just let just start living life and stop caring about what other people do yeah it's like well

[01:33:02] Jacob: I think that you know it's funny I used to like over think about like whatever you can't control you know you can't control the outcome of other people what other people do like I can't no matter how this conversation goes I can't control what you say Ryan like I can't control how the end of this goes like I can't go and if you're a tennis player you can go in and say either I'm going to win this match or you can say I'm going to literally push to the 100%

[01:33:30] Ryan: Best of my ability and those are like

[01:33:33] Jacob: Either you say I played my best and I won or you say I put my eggs in the basket of I wanted to win or lose like you can't control the winning or losing you can control going into it and giving it your best so the same thing you can do with any conversation is you can go into it controlling only your end of the deal in regardless of how much you want to convince the other person or tell them these magical words you think will make them do what you want them to do or say you never can yeah that guy can't he can't just make you not say Jesus Christ yeah because when you say Jesus Christ it doesn't mean the same exact thing that it means to him yeah he needs to understand that exactly unless you're Tom Brady and just the plate the balls dude yeah then you can win every single time yeah that's what I would do to you I should have deflated the ball right so I think that maybe the ball should be a little smart because I just bought a new basketball yesterday and I bought 28.5 you know apparently that's a girl's eyes but like if it feels real nice it's a

[01:34:29] Jacob: Good size it's a good size I mean it's easy keep going sorry I didn't mean to again didn't mean

[01:34:34] Ryan: To offend the female sex about that ball

[01:34:40] Jacob: Being a lot easier a little bit yeah but what's that is uh I say that but on

[01:34:52] Ryan: A professional level those women would kick the **** out of me like there's no way if I'd try to play basketball against them again oh very short ban but at the same time being a man that would dunk the whole thing about being a man or being a woman

[01:35:09] Jacob: Whatever source wise it's like dude do that's the thing is i-i've never really until all this like sexism stuff comes along hmm I generally I'm not kidding I don't think I've really thought of like women versus men in different like women are better at men than this or men are better at women this make sure there's things that are obvious that men are just like men are just naturally stronger like her stuff like that mm-hmm but I'm just always like who is the best like the best tennis player it doesn't **** matter if it's a girl or guy like who's the best like who like versus each other who is the winner who is you

[01:35:47] Ryan: Know I think this that the sexism thing like all this it's a word like separation thing is something that like another one dive into because it's very hard conversation oh it is right now someone's really if you whoever's listening this transfer you piss what I just said but I'm sorry no I mean it's a it's a it's a hard come no I mean you don't need to I don't I don't because you didn't mean any harm just like when you were saying Jesus Christ yeah it's something that I agree that should be up for conversation like if it's like if girls are actually out here like feeling offended by everything we say like **** dude let's talk differently like let's forget wait we can't talk to everything but know that guys are out here like we're a couple of good dudes mm-hmm there's nothing that we would say that would purposely hurt anybody like we're not trying to hurt anyone at all yeah but so to me I think that like when I think of sports or athletic ability or like who's

[01:36:37] Ryan: Getting the promotion at work like who in the Verizon company is getting the promotion like it's the person who's the best for the job yeah I don't care if they have any dick her vagina I don't care if they're freaking blind or Mew is like dude if that guy can get it done or

[01:36:51] Jacob: That person can do a better job with you that person deserved the job I don't care who you are you know it's like that

[01:36:57] Ryan: I think yeah I think the a lot of the bakery like that's the thing like where a lot of feminists and girls are probably talking about us I have no idea but it seems like they're probably okay cool we get that like obviously of course but there is a thing that we have to actually think about and I'm sure that there's people that are solving what we do about this same thing with racism men a white man our starting line of where we were at in the beginning of time our businesses wherever we're at like financially sports-wise wherever we saw our starting line is up here and women in like so like a white male our starting line is up here a black male is starting lines down here mm-hmm and we all go to the same thing women are somewhere back here like white males literally do have there is such thing as privilege like yes that white privilege like we've just had like so the years we had a couple hundred years during slavery where white males were like our whole and my ancestors probably not my actual ancestors but we're doing well while people who I have friends who are

[01:37:59] Ryan: Black or my same age their ancestors were literally probably slaves so at the same time where I'm a white man my ancestors are getting better business they're getting smarter they're whatever they're teaching the kids this they have this starting line where as black people are back here women I think I'm kind of back here with black people so that is something as society if that makes any sense at all yeah that we do probably have to I don't know figure out

[01:38:22] Jacob: Something but again which they've been trying to figure out but for some reason someone's controlling this whole thing to where it's still the same you know it's like yeah they've gotten

[01:38:32] Ryan: Pretty far with all the marches and all

[01:38:35] Jacob: The you know generate segregation and everything else but it's still it's how is it still here you know how is how

[01:38:43] Ryan: Have we bring it back Jesus Christ Jesus Christ yeah how are we still in the same state that were we were in sixty years

[01:38:53] Jacob: Ago you know we're like we're reverting back to it I feel like we were out of it and we're like cool yeah like we don't only have segregation and they're like and we're gonna reverse racism yeah exactly so I don't know how that's all working out I have not done enough research or enough I don't have enough knowledge to even talk about this stuff but you see it enough and so from media or you know well I don't know now since I don't have social media anymore but like at least in the news it's like how are we still talking about this why is this wait what is it is still a problem yeah it's almost like it's not a problem but they're like hey we need to distract you or we need to like get you guys talking about some stupid **** so they're just throwing it at us man no yeah oh yeah now that makes me want to get into like freakin conspiracy theories like in the news and then think about all the shootings that have been happening again it's like man if you need to check out that podcast called you just call it conspiracy yeah

[01:39:50] Jacob: Okay Ryan was tell me about spot casts what was they get time over - it's called conspiracy theories and it talks about they have like they obviously the normal JFK bah blah all that those type of like conspiracy theories about aliens and stuff but mostly most of the

[01:40:04] Ryan: Stuff is like actually like real things I have on the news like dipper like the **** what was what was and the

[01:40:12] Jacob: Shooting at the elementary that huge one that happened like a few years ago no Sandy Hook yeah Sandy Hook they were talking about the conspiracy theory about how it was your **** you sure you don't listen to it was pretty insane so all that stuff like cuz I mean I like I love me a good conspiracy theorist I like it like che that I loved I mean to say it's awesome it's you know the funny thing is a lot of it is like it's

[01:40:39] Ryan: Not trying to prove whether there is one hundred percent across-the-board truth or one hundred sent across the board wrong it's kind of like hey like you can choose to believe in these things if you want like you can say like a that's real like it's like it like what you're gonna do with it like what you can do with it like what you can say like hey man this like Bush to 9/11 and what are you gonna

[01:40:59] Jacob: Do about it though oh that's like everyone knows I always get that you know probably the most **** up situation I know but I'm not the face didn't even

[01:41:10] Ryan: Know but like I don't know I think

[01:41:14] Jacob: It that's just fun to bleed because you can really toy with like man like you know what I can't believe what I want like I'm gonna keep my sanity like I you know I'm gonna like I know there's nothing I could do about knowing information but like maybe there is something I can do in my corner and you know like this **** like me it's like cool I determined like with all these conspiracy theories like yeah it's fun it's entertainment but I've also determined that the government and our political system and our society is

[01:41:41] Ryan: **** liars like oh it's dangerously liars and so if I can have little dorky platforms like this where I get some smart people together to teach people some cool stuff we can start ignoring the news and start whatever and we start learnings from guessing each other's each other's intelligence rather so it feels good to me I guess um Ryan I definitely as much as I want to dive down into conspiracy theories I definitely want to talk about before we end here okay honestly just like so I had sent you that video I like I wanted

[01:42:17] Jacob: You on my podcast obviously I was one like the first few people like I'm gonna have a ton of people on there but I just wanted you honestly was your demeanor like you or the way that you see life

[01:42:26] Ryan: You've always been a friend of mine

[01:42:28] Jacob: That's like been so positive about everything in your life you've also been like I know you want a level toward to know that you're not always positive like you've had your ups and downs and you've certainly gotten through them yeah I don't I just I just think that

[01:42:43] Ryan: You are one of the most inspiring like positive happy always smiling people like at your wedding I've never seen so many teeth in my life like you and your wife are just in your own little world of absolute positivity like

[01:42:57] Jacob: You guys wedding eyes are just literally just I don't know if you're just having it like teeth comparing contents all the time or if your should we discuss that conscious she has better teeth and I but you guys just like I look over the whole time you guys are just smiling and laughing at all times about I don't know if it's something in your own little world but it's just wonderful so I think I don't know is there like what's what's your perspective on life Ryan like what are you well um I would have to say you know I definitely have gone through a lot of things in my life things that I would never wish upon other people but at the same time I have had a great life you know it's one of those like you know we can talk about depression and what I've been through and things that have really have taken me down till of all I never ever want to be ever again you know but you're you know that's just part of life and you know I've just had a great group

[01:43:52] Ryan: Of friends and had at a spectacular I have a spectacular family that spectacular family that have always

[01:44:00] Jacob: Looked out for me you know and you know having those experiences for you know me you know it's trial and error and then that's just life you know and it's it's whether or not you want to take those lessons in life and like you know this is you know the old saying I hate it so much but I had a friend that uses like an older friend that I used to say this to me when I was back in high school it's like why do we fall down why do we fall down you know it's like so you can pick yourself back and I hate it you know it has worked every single time you know it's whether or not you want to get up and I do that you know every morning I get up you know go to

[01:44:44] Ryan: Work make money and go see the people make you have the thing is you have to make right now I suck at it but I'm

[01:44:52] Jacob: Gonna get back into it again is like right now is hanging out with you know you have to make the time mm-hmm make the time out for your friends of the people that you really enjoy your

[01:45:02] Ryan: Company or the company that you enjoy the most and that's what I feel is like

[01:45:07] Jacob: Always having people with you know like because you don't like not seeing like some people don't have anyone but like for me it's like it could be like your dog or whatever just holds like hold onto something hold onto something find something you love and love oh yeah and love like find something you love doing find someone you love loving and let that take you

[01:45:27] Ryan: Away kind of thing and that's how I've

[01:45:30] Jacob: Been living my life last like probably

[01:45:34] Ryan: Like 10 years maybe like I you really

[01:45:37] Jacob: Find yourself I say five years last five years that's what I've been doing cuz you know you always going through your 20s trying to figure out who you are so like I don't care who you a hard but like wait it's one of those it's like you're 25 you think you got things figured I'm right you're like oh I believe you this bowl of love but now I'm 32 when I'm 30 I thought like hey I know what's going on these kids well but now I'm 32 and I'm still learning every single day on the right way to love my wife the

[01:46:08] Ryan: Right way to love my family it's it

[01:46:11] Jacob: Never I will tell everyone it never ends yeah and I was learning to learn as long as you can get up every day willing to live life Willy sometimes you gotta do things so you don't want to do but you do it you know that's what I've learned definitely being with Katy like that she does a lot of things I don't like but you know what just go and do it and you know what and she's shown me a lot you know like I would have to I hate saying this because she was she was definitely my saving grace I haven't I had no idea what I was gonna be doing mmm until I met her it wasn't because like oh she saved me now she's telling me what to do I'm like how to live life it wasn't that it was she I found someone just like me you know well in it

[01:46:53] Ryan: You helped you pivot it could help you find yourself like it once you're able to be yourself around someone while they're being themselves you're like now we've created

[01:47:03] Jacob: Something exactly it says I think it's like I said you know I watched you guys at your wedding just in your own world we appreciate you guys being there in freaking playing songs yeah man I'm happy too I was happy to be part we actually just taught me this today we were talking about orion's coming over and we talked about your band was so good a wedding is so you know what I was I

[01:47:29] Ryan: Know don't know well depending on how

[01:47:32] Jacob: You want to find a DJ but yeah I mean it's really worse but no it you know what I would have to say this if you're gonna have a wedding this is a site now if you can find a good band let me tell

[01:47:48] Ryan: You it's almost inevitable it's

[01:47:51] Jacob: Inevitable that jamming oh man we were good yeah and so they've said a bunch of cover songs they're kind of like more of like a funky vibe like there's a even a

[01:48:00] Ryan: Few songs that I actually didn't really know but it was just everybody was going to the vibe like I feel like once you take away with a DJ I've noticed people really to control things and they think they can were used to it we're used to being in our cart annoying Spotify controlling whatever yeah so at a wedding people I can't want to hear the song I'm gonna go tell him to play that song when it's a band you can say I'm here at this wedding I want to hear this song but I don't get hear that song cool moving on I'm just gonna dance like you just I guess enjoy what's there rather than

[01:48:28] Jacob: Trying to tribute to it exactly with a

[01:48:31] Ryan: DJ nowadays people know a little bit about DJing now and so people think that they should be the contributing like I know what people want to hear right now yeah exactly it's like everyone's a DJ now and I don't like that I stopped but no that ban was awesome and make sure if you do get a band hey get a good one

[01:48:49] Jacob: Like we did yeah okay good you know oh yeah I mean we just had we

[01:48:54] Ryan: Were lucky Katie's family has money though we got a band right yeah no they they were good they were enjoyable too they were and I'm also like as far as that wedding DJ this is just like a

[01:49:06] Jacob: Random thought I guess you know you know with this but I do have a DJ a couple

[01:49:11] Ryan: DJ's scheduled on the podcast right now so we will do talk about some TJ **** I

[01:49:15] Jacob: Can talk about like why does it suck to be a DJ at a wedding or whatever it'd be fun right oh my god is already going into it they shouldn't even get in a podcast about that you guys should just make a YouTube video well I mean out that it'll be funny well so this whole

[01:49:30] Ryan: Podcast will be on YouTube anyway so I will be so I'll be posting this on YouTube as like different episodes obviously it'll probably take clips so after I have a few DJ's on here maybe I can make one big one and make a montage

[01:49:43] Jacob: Or some **** yeah but anyway just to

[01:49:46] Ryan: Route back to I think that your demeanor like thanks for sharing all that I think you're right definitely something that you've always done I have noticed like the amount of people that I have met through you might have cool s people that I've met through you like even your wedding like even like so like Brady like I just met Brady at your wedding yeah before like just meeting cool people through you attract good people and I think that you're like the Ryan Santos you're right

[01:50:12] Jacob: Ryan Santos secret to life it's just

[01:50:15] Ryan: Like I think dude I think what you do that you may not realize is you rip out the

[01:50:22] Jacob: Good in people wherever they're at like

[01:50:24] Ryan: You because you are so inherently good you are so inherently and by that I just mean like no like no sorry I let

[01:50:35] Jacob: Me explain but by that I mean you're just so naturally nice you're so easy to talk to so naturally your most positive self you're so naturally like talk like people want to talk to you I think that you bring that up and other people like so I've known a ton of people because of you and I'm better for it and I think that you like you just said a lot of your positivity comes from surrounding yourself with people you love but do you also think that it's because you made

[01:51:06] Ryan: Without knowing it you bring out that love that inspiration in every person just by being so positively yourself because when somebody sees somebody like

[01:51:16] Jacob: Like you're giving them permission to be the most positive self so as you're doing that like do you ever consider that yeah I yeah sometimes I do you know it's one of those how do I say I think I took the well my dad said to me a long time ago I think I took the same

[01:51:40] Ryan: It's too seriously sometimes but treat

[01:51:43] Jacob: People the way you should you want to be treated you know and I kind of I took that really into heart because you know like a lot of people get it sometimes they don't understand what they're saying to someone definitely negative or you because it could to them they could be saying like oh I did this because out of love and it's like well

[01:52:04] Ryan: That's I don't think that you should have gone that way or said that negative thing about them you say I'm doing this to like help them out and like no that's I don't think that's the way you should talk to somebody like doing

[01:52:16] Jacob: Whatever you're doing but so the way I just go about like talking to people like people want to be listened to and that's the hardest thing to do when you're in a conversation is listening to people and you know according to Katie I still have that problem of listening but she

[01:52:33] Ryan: Doesn't know anything though okay if you

[01:52:37] Jacob: Listen you don't know but I hope she does like Katie I love you but anyways yeah you know of a good fight later but yeah so like what with people you don't even know or people that I've known forever I will sit there and listen you know and that's half the battle is

[01:52:55] Ryan: Getting to know someone without you

[01:53:00] Jacob: Saying something to them because you know like right now it's you know I love listening to you and I don't want to say like sometimes I'll pause or something because I'm so interested of what you're saying because obviously if you're this is coming out of your head this is coming at your from your head to your mouth and that's out loud obviously this is important to you mm-hmm I because I if I want to talk to you I want to talk to you something important about me or I have something important to say and I think that's where I came like where I start understanding people why people like you know like me in stuff or that I'm positive always happy because you know I never yeah you know

[01:53:38] Ryan: When I'm I'll say some stuff sometimes just a joke around and sometimes it's kind of a dickish thing but it's all in play but people know that the oh you mean oh yeah you would never mean home yeah exactly so if I say something something to you I want it to be like not so much constructive or telling you how to live your life it's it would be

[01:54:00] Jacob: Like hey you know I'm just kind of suggest suggesting something like I want

[01:54:05] Ryan: The best for you yeah and I think maybe this would help get the best yeah and so like you either I give them the option to either you can listen to me or you can do whatever you do I don't care I just want you to be happy I don't care if I even barely know you I just want like I don't want the worst for anybody right I think I don't like seeing people sad or seeing people like get so frustrated with life because like I've been there you've been there kind of thing it's like what how can we're not helping each other out like how is this always like a case of I'm better than

[01:54:37] Jacob: You or we're competing like is constant competing and I you know it's awesome to seeing sports and stuff but like after that games over I mean you're not the game anymore yeah you know you're not playing the game your game isn't represent yeah you are you aren't that player anymore like the games done you're not that player anymore you are still human so like whatever competition just went on yeah and I

[01:55:01] Ryan: Think that's just how I just go about getting to know people or white people think I'm smiling all the time it's just guys I'm here to have a good time I only well for me I only get this one life to live why do I don't want to be or why do I want to be an **** well I don't have time for that

[01:55:20] Jacob: Right you know I just want to be happy I want people around me to be happy and if I can show if I can if like someone

[01:55:29] Ryan: Like you notice that I'm happy that's

[01:55:32] Jacob: Awesome that makes me feel like wow like a people someone noticed you know I'm living the life I want to live is being it's like Oh Ryan so nice I'm like I don't care it's like about that stupid

[01:55:44] Ryan: Saying the nice guys finish last I'll finish last all day every day I don't care I just want to know about finishing it's not about finishing last time I'm finishing first it's like it's not even like we're not racing friends yes it's like just about yeah I kept just a nice guy you can you can race oh

[01:56:00] Jacob: Yeah I'm just yeah just tired all the stress I just you know I don't want to live not trying to be hippie-ish I guess

[01:56:08] Ryan: Of living a free stress life and just

[01:56:11] Jacob: Like not caring that's not what I'm saying I'm just saying that you know there's a lot of things to be happy about on this in this life find it let

[01:56:21] Ryan: It take you home that's how I've been

[01:56:23] Jacob: Living like that so yeah you got it

[01:56:27] Ryan: You gotta emphasize like there's always

[01:56:30] Jacob: The shitty **** to like there's always you know when you're living life positively like there's always the option for like you know there's always a person next to you that's a don't you see that this is terrible to you like don't you see if I can want you mad about this like what this is going on at the same time that you're happy this is going on why don't you see that but that's just the truth of life like the same time that you are Ryan Santos you're in the exact same situation as somebody else who is so frustrated what's the difference what what is the difference the situation has not changed it's the exact same situation the Duden entity was frustrated and your happiness frustrated

[01:57:06] Ryan: The amount it's not about just like pretending you're not frustrated but it's about being able to say like okay like I don't want to be frustrated that's not that isn't what's best for me yeah and then from there then you could be like okay so how can I do it differently and then when you go about your day just not concentrating on

[01:57:27] Jacob: What frustrates you are not concentrating on the thing that's obviously like oh this is obvious aren't you mad about this yeah just if you just concentrate on what's positive I mean it's yeah you know you talk better yeah if you're gonna **** up it's it's inevitable you're gonna **** up you're gonna say things that you regret it's whether or not you want to go back and say hey you know either I'm gonna make myself better this is like what I see and I know what it takes to be better you know or like you say some **** to someone that you didn't mean dude that's okay own up do donut talked about it yeah hey sorry you know that hey man I kind of got mixed up in my words I'm really sorry I didn't mean that like due to honestly a lot of times if you just talk to somebody man-to-man tell him like dude I had a friend like that not to derail is too much but I had a friend who I had done something that she didn't agree with that like wasn't it didn't matter to her values it was it was something essentially with him I didn't want to get into it was

[01:58:30] Jacob: Essentially something that she didn't agree with but we are we're very good friends she's a wonderful person she considers me to be a wonderful person so she literally came over to my house today and said hey I won't talk to you about this like this his father Ben something you did and so we talked about it and like man it just feels so much better just like you like being able to talk to it like it was so like I think turnt like thank you so much for like taking control of the situation yeah so any listeners if you're in a situation where it's like you're like cool I want to be happy like that sounds great I'd love to be like Ryan Santos cool Sam sounds great cool so I just start being happy cool yeah well man like what you do is honestly these little things these little things like that like you like hey like this thing I don't agree with its setup being catty about it and texting someone and saying like hey **** Ryan did this thing and it pisses me off it don't you think that pisses you off too we should agree on this you literally you talk to him about

[01:59:22] Jacob: It you take the things that bother you think things that piss you off and you solve them dude you don't act on them yeah I mean it could take like two or three days who gives a **** as long as you find something you know yeah like resolve something you know and not let it just sit there cuz after that it's like you let it fester in your in your mind you just get more pissed about it and then you know kind of the thing with the whole Jesus Christ think maybe I should you know that's one of you know I'm kind of backtracking here but it's like maybe I should talk to him about that you know that's like I'm pissed about this it's like it's actually like it made me like kind of upset because he got upset about it I'm like dude well you're pissed because it's a misrepresentation of who you know exactly fair so maybe I should it's one of the see it's like I'm not I'm not perfect I'm not happy all the time yeah you know it's you know I get frustrated Katie gets frustrated with me all the time oh she doesn't know what's good yeah I know dude she's listen how we

[02:00:23] Ryan: Married it if she doesn't know that it's good you're like I don't want to crack a joke I know but also you choose poorly you are stuck I always do I always like to remind Shelly like I'll do some weird **** like this yeah thank you that's exactly what I do to thinking this is what you chose like I'll just do some embarrassing **** yeah

[02:00:51] Jacob: And I'm whispering in your ear about this love you can i all right Ryan well

[02:01:00] Ryan: We're getting up here fairly long for time I feel like we should at least take a break um if this is the end of podcast

[02:01:07] Jacob: I'll record this Ryan Santos I love you very much thank you for coming on to John cries I love you a lot and I really appreciate you for asking me to come on to this wonderful podcast you know I thought we were gonna run out of stuff to like talk about because we talked earlier I said oh god we talked about it that's what you think but then it just goes yeah a lot of times I'm like aha valuable to listeners but it's like oh no it's like it's people like listen it's like good people talking oh yes talking well hopefully they don't get annoyed of my voice if they're like oh two minutes in

[02:01:38] Ryan: I can't stand this mother for her right now when is the last time that you thought that when you listen to podcasts unless it was Jim Gaffigan for some reason the his **** voice I don't not a fan he's a casino comedian yeah when I hears boy something like I can't listen to this but otherwise everybody else I'm cool yeah I get that I like him but

[02:01:58] Jacob: Like yeah I totally his voice is like kind of whiny yeah kind of thing yeah I know it's on what a lot of they have you have you ever thus anybody's voice it like so you're saying like oh my voice sucks I'm self-conscious about or whatever yeah do you have you ever actually listening you buddy like give this **** of my podcast oh yeah

[02:02:18] Ryan: I mean there's a few as soon as like you just feel their voice I'm like no really you never had that I always thought I would have it but I'm always like I think about it for the first 30 seconds and I forget about it ya know there's a there's a few that I don't like I just

[02:02:32] Jacob: Like just keep listening whatever you know yeah I just kind of you know what this person has something of value to say to me I just kind of have to endure but yeah I talk about that's why I

[02:02:45] Ryan: Said that because I've heard as I was recording something and I was talking in the background and I heard my voice I'm like there's no **** way I sound like

[02:02:56] Jacob: That I'm much cooler than I dude it's weird because it's so weird

[02:03:02] Ryan: Because we think of like we hear it like we think of all these things about ourselves we have our voice and we're like oh what measly I'm this I'm that like oh I didn't rise it sound like that but nobody thinks any of those things they don't think about the opposite of those things either just say that's a voice yeah I think that's it like that's

[02:03:19] Jacob: A voice moving on yeah exactly oh it's funny outward yeah because I don't I guess I just know I've been singing a lot like I've been doing more singing I've been taking like vocal lessons on myself and I'm like no I'm shaking I noticed that I'm shaking the like self-hatred of my voice that's a weird thing that we have like just talking we're like yeah I sound weird yeah I don't yeah that's the one thing I saw haven't gotten over is that listening your own voice or listening to someone else's voice that I don't really like but I do it anyways I don't there's something about it when I find that voice I don't like and I'm like what is happening why do you talk that way it's got to be a frequency that like we're literally like it I don't like that frequency of your eyes okay Ryan let's uh let's wrap it up okay Ryan Santos I love you very much immediately pump right here