# Episode 025 with Jordenelle Tsugawa - Episode: 0025 - Date: 2020-02-18 - Duration: 2:21:09 (8469s) - Guest: [Jordenelle Tsugawa](/guests/jordenelle-tsugawa/) - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRKmGl5XGVA - RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/76e14b5a - Audio: https://2.gum.fm/op3.dev/e/pdcn.co/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.transistor.fm/76e14b5a/02080033.mp3 ## About Life is not happening to you, it is happening FOR you. Here's a quick list of things that Jordenelle Tsugawa is based on my show notes: A natural healer, soon-to-be herbalist, a mystical knowledgebase of divine love, a grateful positive friend to all, openhearted, open-minded tiny-home living forest-dwellin' absolutely awesome spiritual being to talk to. We talk all things Energy, Herbalism, Chakras, Grounding, Connection, Meditation, Visualization, Self Love and Growth. We cover growing up in small towns. growing as wiser adults, alcohol addictions, family traumas and a couple of personal stories about empathic moments. Jay opens it up with the chakras and she feeds my open mind with relatable ways of understanding or thinking about these difficult to explain concepts. We expand on the mental connection between the physical body and mind and we talk about being open and uncomfortable to learn about one another. Jay and I talk about self-love as adults and changing into our truest selves and how one must touch on trauma and generational experiences to do so. We talk about the gap that the internet and technology have provided younger generations. Jay tells us about Forest Bathing to cleanse baggage, anxiety, and depression and we share our ways of healing with nature. She recently moved into a TINY home and totally loves it! She shares how she actualizes her goals with planners, mantras, affirmations, and hard work to believe in herself. YOU ARE ENOUGH - we both agree! We break down words like "trigger" and "intuition" and agree that gossip is lame. We share a few experiences in our lives that have given us synchronicity - an empathic story together from a few years back, and we touch slightly on shrooms and microdosing. Soul is love fear is ego. "ok ego, i hear you. but where's my soul?" (epic soundbyte!) She tells me about her Full Moon Circle and she talks about quitting alcohol, balancing cravings and inspecting vices. We shed some light on living in such a beautiful place, with the beautiful people and the community around us, most certainly including the party connections and the glass table conversations. I love Jay's way of seeing this world. She is such an incredibly comforting light. She has a lot to teach. I see those of her personality, worldview, vibrant energy and intelligence as a very important role in all cultures and society. Her type keeps us connected to what's real and right here. The reminder of Spirit in a Science World. Someone who doesn't let us forget that our problems are sometimes not solved from terminology and concepts on top of reality out here, but may just only be healed from within. If your life ever leads you to bump into an open-hearted interaction with the healer type, the psychic type, the mystic, the empath... the person connected to their inner guidance and intuition... you might wanna be on the lookout for some ripples in your own life soon after ;) The light in me, sees the light in you! ## Chapters (none published in episode notes) ## Quotes (none published as a Quotes list block — inventory has_quotes=yes from inline "YOU ARE ENOUGH" and "ok ego, i hear you. but where's my soul?" kept verbatim in About) ## Guest links (none published in episode notes) ## Archive picks # Archive picks (not from published notes) Extracted from the faster-whisper ASR transcript (small/int8; prior tiny/int8) and published About already on this episode. Labeled separately from Jacob’s published About / Chapters / Quotes / Hashtags. ## Memorable quotes - [00:01:56] Jordenelle: “Start with chakras. You want to just let's say that I'm a total dummy and I don't know anything about chakras. I know a little bit, but I” - [00:31:07] Jordenelle: “well for this reason. Forest Bathing is real. Yeah. It's a force bathing. Yeah, I want to become like a Forest Bathing practitioner. That's like an epic term.” - [00:49:28] Jordenelle: “my partner every day you are enough I love you for you and we don't I just got chills saying that to myself like we don't tell ourselves” - [00:44:00] Jordenelle: “and pick with their intuition and you could help them with that. Like that sounds like a great goal. Yeah. And I mean I do want like a” - [00:07:52] Jordenelle: “Food is such like a trigger for so many people. Like there's a bull M&M's like, who isn't going to try to eat one or who has that” - [00:37:11] Jordenelle: “vision of me owning an herbal shop. Now what that's what I want to do and what can I do to get there. So when you see these” - [02:12:30] Jordenelle: “have good, I'm big on grounding for me. It's like, so when I get off a plane, I get home and I'm like, I go in the back.” - [00:04:30] Jordenelle: “you treat this as a meditation or do you just like, so you set aside a couple of minutes and you just get your thoughts” - [02:14:27] Jordenelle: “think, I think a lot of visualization tunes us into, you know, almost like a tricking of your brain, like a lot, for me, a lot of feeling” - [01:17:00] Jordenelle: “I'm hosting my first Full Moon Circle you are what tell me tell me about this so Holly my friend Holly she's like a astrologer she's amazing we've” - [01:22:01] Jordenelle: “control me because alcohol does like when I once I start I want more and I want it the next day and the next even if I'm hungover” - [01:26:40] Jacob: “weekend this year I drink sometimes it's like what am I borrowing happiness from am I borrowing happiness like weekend by weekend from next year in my life” ## Chapter-style timestamps - [00:00:00](#t-00-00-00) — Opening bumper — Junkyard Love - [00:03:50](#t-00-03-50) — Chakras / energy body - [00:08:06](#t-00-08-06) — Whole30 / food energy - [00:18:59](#t-00-18-59) — Self-love / becoming truest self - [00:29:45](#t-00-29-45) — Trauma / generational experiences - [00:31:07](#t-00-31-07) — Forest bathing / nature healing - [00:34:24](#t-00-34-24) — Soul is love / fear is ego - [00:43:20](#t-00-43-20) — Herbalism / natural healing - [00:44:00](#t-00-44-00) — Trigger / intuition / gossip - [00:45:25](#t-00-45-25) — Meditation / visualization - [00:49:28](#t-00-49-28) — YOU ARE ENOUGH - [01:16:18](#t-01-16-18) — Community / glass table / close - [01:17:00](#t-01-17-00) — Full Moon Circle / alcohol - [02:21:06](#t-02-21-06) — Outro — drink water / get present ## Keywords Jordenelle Tsugawa, Episode 025 with Jordenelle Tsugawa, Junkyard Love Podcast episode 0025, JYLP 0025, chakras, herbalism, energy, grounding, meditation, visualization, self-love, forest bathing, tiny home, intuition, synchronicity, Full Moon Circle, Jacob Rhines, Jay ## Hashtags #JordenelleTsugawa #JYLP0025 #JunkyardLove #Chakras #Herbalism #SelfLove #ForestBathing #TinyHome #Meditation #JYLP ## Short guest bio (from episode speech + published About/links) Jordenelle Tsugawa (Jay) appears on Junkyard Love episode 0025 as a natural healer and soon-to-be herbalist — Jacob's notes call her a mystical knowledge-base of divine love, openhearted tiny-home forest-dweller. The conversation covers energy, herbalism, chakras, grounding, meditation, visualization, self-love and growth; small-town upbringing; alcohol and family trauma; forest bathing; tiny-home living; planners/mantras/affirmations; "YOU ARE ENOUGH"; trigger vs intuition; synchronicity; Full Moon Circle; and the soundbite "ok ego, i hear you. but where's my soul?" Inventory has_quotes=yes / has_timestamps=no / has_hashtags=no / has_guest_links=no. No guest contact/email in published notes for 0025. Also appeared later on 0050 and 0096 (same guest slug). ## Transcript [00:00:00] Jacob: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast. Hello and welcome aliens and alienates and humans and primates and zombies and whatever else you may be listening to this. This is the Junkyard Love Podcast. I'm Jake Rhines and today we've got a wonderful conversation with my wonderful friend Jay. It's super awesome. Can't wait to get to it. Before real quick, I'm going to give you a recommendation. I like to give a little recommendation for the podcast to get going. This week's is going to be Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe by Simon Sinek. It's on YouTube. It's a TED talk. It's 12 minutes long. It's fantastic. Check it out. Enjoy the rest of your day. Also, real quick, before the conversation gets going, breathe out slowly and just be present. Remember where you're at. Slow down, let go of your shoulders, relax. Everything's all right. All right. Enjoy the comment. I feel like famous. You are famous today. I know it feels so official to just have headphones on and you're like, this microphone is for Me. I got to talk into it. No, I like it. It's nice. Hello, Jay. Welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast. Hi. [00:01:45] Jordenelle: Thank you. I feel so honored to actually be here. [00:01:45] Jacob: Yeah. I feel honored that you would come on and just talk about yourself and share some Cool stuff. Just because it's right here and we were talking about it briefly, let's just [00:01:56] Jordenelle: Start with chakras. You want to just let's say that I'm a total dummy and I don't know anything about chakras. I know a little bit, but I just want to say that I kind of don't too. [00:02:05] Jacob: But you know like a little bit? Yeah. I understand the concept, but because you know with a lot of the stuff that I learned about when I do yoga, yoga for me for example, wasn't like a series of going through trainings and like going to a lot of classes where people taught, it was just kind of like clicking around through YouTube and like I would stretch and like, okay, my fingers can touch the floor and it feels good to lift my hand up and these sort of [00:02:28] Jordenelle: Things. I love the explanations like when people talk about chakras. I love that I'm so open to it now. [00:02:35] Jacob: Yeah. [00:02:36] Jordenelle: Well, it's you. [00:02:37] Jacob: Right. Yeah. It starts making sense. It's so funny. I feel like before I would be very like deflective like I'm like, get that away from I don't know what that is. Like get that away. I don't know what you're talking about. Like I don't want to hear it, you know. And when you just listen, it's like, oh, it makes sense. Yeah. [00:02:52] Jordenelle: Well, it's interesting. Like I feel like when you're not ready to hear about it, it's because you're not ready to heal. So when you start learning about chakras, you're ready to start healing them. [00:03:00] Jacob: Right. So I'm not an expert by any means, but I actually like got them tattooed on my back [00:03:05] Jordenelle: When I was 18 and I just feel like chakras like, oh my gosh, it makes sense. So basically there's a bunch, but there's like the seven main ones and their wheels. [00:03:16] Jacob: So think of them as like spinning wheels. So if you can imagine that one is blocked and you try to pour water in the top like wheels of water and one is blocked, right? How is it going to get the water going to get down? [00:03:31] Jordenelle: It's going to be blocked. So think about that with energy. So think people who have like I start like my throat chakra is like closing up talking now, but think about like people who can give love, but they can't receive love. [00:03:45] Jacob: I'm one of those people. So I'll have back pain in between my shoulder blades. [00:03:50] Jordenelle: Like someone's pushing their palm between my blades. So the chakra is in the back is for receiving, which is blocked so much of my life where I'm pushing out through my front heart. I can give love, I can give love, but then I'm not receiving any. So it's like love's going out, but love can't come in. So it's literally physically causing symptoms in my body. Right. That tightness. And that's because my back chakra is open because I can't receive, but when I'm like I is so easy to open your shockers and that's why I love them because I can just say I'm open to receiving love and I can just envision like green and it opens. [00:04:29] Jacob: So do you? [00:04:30] Jordenelle: Okay. So your back chakra, for example, is that the color that affiliates? Yeah. So I can go over them from the beginning. No, you're fine. We can dance around. It's no big deal. So for this example, when you're saying it's blocked, like I feel this pain in my back, like can you sit down and do you, do you treat this as a meditation or do you just like, so you set aside a couple of minutes and you just get your thoughts [00:04:47] Jacob: Like, okay, what is that, that feeling? Yeah. So do you just focus on the spot itself? I do kind of both. So it's like, I know I didn't like exercise my back. So it's like, why does my back hurt? [00:04:58] Jordenelle: And I just actually learned in the chakra class that a lot of healers close off their receiving because they're not good enough or they don't think they should receive, which is something I struggle with my whole life is receiving is so hard for me. [00:05:11] Jacob: It's like, what? You want to do something nice for me? I don't deserve that because of that inner child, right? Like, I don't deserve this because our parents made us feel like that or other [00:05:20] Jordenelle: People. So I just, what I would do is I would like sit and I'll actually have like certain stones for it. But and I just envision like green and like opening it up. And I actually think of like a wheel and like opening it up and you can like even like move your hand like counterclockwise in front of your heart to clear the gunk. And then you can move your other hand clockwise to put good energy in. And it's so easy like anyone can do it. Like you don't have to be a healer. [00:05:47] Jacob: Yeah, it's funny. We think of like, why would you do that? And but if you if you just try it, I mean, definitely, I definitely agree. If you just try these things, I love following all these just on YouTube, like visualizations. They'll have things of that same manner. [00:06:00] Jordenelle: I listened to one the other day that it made your all of your chakras. You imagine them as different flowers. Yeah. Oh man. And just it felt wonderful. It's just sometimes for me, like I'll be like, how do you even [00:06:10] Jacob: Realize I was blocked in this area? Or I wasn't didn't realize I had some tightness in this area. And then you do one of those and it seems to help out. [00:06:17] Jordenelle: Yeah. So as I was like, kind of prepping for today, because I feel like chakras are something that anyone and everyone should know about. [00:06:24] Jacob: So basically, there's like seven main ones. [00:06:26] Jordenelle: So there's like the root, which is red. It's like kind of in the lower like area. And then it goes up to like the sacral, which is like your sexuality. It's an orange color. And then you go up to your solar, which is like your stomach, your womb. If you're female, like, you know, and it's like your power center. And then you go up to your heart. It's more green. It can also be pink. You go up to your throat. It's blue. Go up to your third eye and then your crown, right? So I just thought it was interesting because this is me. So if you have a like solar plexus imbalance, which is like yellow, You're addicted to food, caffeine, starches, [00:07:02] Jacob: Detailed and compulsive cleaning. [00:07:04] Jordenelle: So you can see what chakras are blocked in like common addictions. [00:07:09] Jacob: Right. And it's like, whoa, like I would love potatoes and coffee [00:07:14] Jordenelle: And like compulsive and cleaning. Yeah, it speaks to you. And like my solar plexus is in balance and I know that. [00:07:19] Jacob: And so what do you do? So you're like, OK, I know, I recognize these things. Like those are totally me not speaking to me. What's your what's your step there? Like you're like, OK, do I need I can't just obviously I'm addicted to these. You know, I want these starchy foods. I want this caffeine. Like what do you do to help balance those things? So I actually like today I'm having coffee, but I actually quit drinking coffee because I'm like, I'm not going to let a substance rule me. I when you start, I feel when you have discipline over what you eat, you have discipline over your whole life. Mm hmm. I feel that personally. [00:07:52] Jordenelle: Food is such like a trigger for so many people. Like there's a bull M&M's like, who isn't going to try to eat one or who has that discipline to just sit there and go, no, my body doesn't want that. [00:08:01] Jacob: Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, I have a Shailene and I are on run. [00:08:06] Jordenelle: I think excuse me. I think we're on day 20 or so of Whole 30 again. I love that. Yeah, we have this is my third time doing it. And I think that every time I do it, I feel a little tougher. [00:08:15] Jacob: I feel a little stronger. I feel a little like, I mean, of course, I feel fantastic just by, you know, not eating inherently. I, I having the podcast, I've had people come over and we'll go, like have a beer after we're go, you know, have some, some food afterwards. So I was getting carried away with that, but just resetting and like knowing like me, because I can tell, like, OK, you know, my stomach's not feeling great, you know, and you could follow it. You know why, you know, so it's good to explore and like, all right, I'm going to take a break for me and you with caffeine. Like you're like, it's not helping me sometimes, you know, and it's nice and it's comforting and I work at a coffee shop. Like I love coffee and I think it like brightens people's day. But when it's I need coffee, that's when it's a problem to me. [00:08:58] Jordenelle: I need to eat potatoes tonight. Like that's where it's like my energies imbalanced because I don't need [00:09:05] Jacob: Anything but love, right? But like, so I'm seeing that and I'm recognizing it and then it also stems to like, so that's like your power center. So it's like, I am good enough, I am enough. I've been working on that lately, too, where I don't like I've been like trying to apply to the hospital. Like I'm I have my bachelor's degree in nursing, but I work at a coffee shop, you know, and it's like this internal like I'm not good enough [00:09:28] Jordenelle: To work in the hospital. I'm not smart enough. I don't know enough. And that's that chakra. OK, so it's like to really just like work on it. But like, it's really easy to just do all of them. [00:09:39] Jacob: I have a pendulum and like moving. [00:09:41] Jordenelle: But you can just open it with meditation or with fasting. I love to fast water and just cleanse and let your body reset [00:09:49] Jacob: Or go out in nature and just reconnect. [00:09:52] Jordenelle: Yeah, but you can heal them really fast. And a lot of people will have chronic blockages and all physical ailments come from chakra imbalances. It starts in the or field chakra imbalance, emotional imbalance, physical imbalance. OK, so OK, so a lot of nurses get sick. A lot of doctors get sick. A lot of healthy people can get sick. Why I'm so healthy because they're working with sick people and that energy is coming into their auric field and they don't know how to cleanse it because they're not right. [00:10:22] Jacob: And they're getting sick. I think that I think that a lot of our the world we live in is so disconnected from the body, you know? I mean, where it's something. So even me, I've always been athletic, I've always worked out. But I always had, you know, like my arm looks tight in this shirt. But like, if it gets too tight around my belly, like, oh, I'm super self conscious about it, these sort of things. But like, and now, you know, I do yoga and I don't really care about how I look, it's about how I feel. [00:10:49] Jordenelle: And it's this like this shift. I feel like when you're so obsessed about how you look, you're almost like, [00:10:54] Jacob: You know, say, say, you know, you have a belly right now. You're like, oh, I've been eating too much or whatever. [00:11:01] Jordenelle: The discontent, the non connected feelings that you send that area of your body. Well, the thing is to the more when I'm focused on, oh, how overweight I am, I'm going to stay overweight because that's what I'm telling my body. I am. Right. If I look at my body and I say, thank you for food. [00:11:22] Jacob: I'm glad I'm full, right? Because some people are starving. So instead of looking at your body as like discussed and oh, I'm overweight. How about you say, I have the best body. I have a six pack or I can run. I'm healthy. I can breathe like so many people can't walk. [00:11:38] Jordenelle: So many people can't even feed themselves. So many people don't have food. So shift that mindset into being like, wow, thank you. Maybe I have a belly, but at least I'm not starving. And to kind of just shift your mind that people would love to have that. Yeah. Right. Like shift your mindset and be like, maybe this isn't where I want to be at. But envision yourself like, oh, I really want to like I'm overweight. Like I swear, like every time I'm in that mindset, I stay overweight. Even if I'm working out, eating good. I'm like, I'm not losing weight because you're saying that. [00:12:08] Jacob: Right. You are your commander. Right. Like your body follows and like your subconscious doesn't know like the difference. Yeah. You got to train your subconscious. I always say that. Like, you know, your subconscious is running things 95% of the time. And like when you can find that 5%, well, yeah. But when you can find that, we're like, OK, I'm noticing that I'm running on autopilot. Then I can insert these other thoughts in there. And, you know, and so instead of if you're feeling these feelings of shame listener or, you know, like, oh, I'm overweight or I'm this and you can't seem to like connect with what does this have to do with other people? Just I think just stop and think of the benefit of the way that you're thinking or the disbenefit rather of the way that you're thinking. [00:12:48] Jordenelle: Like does this lead you to healing? [00:12:51] Jacob: Does this lead you to feeling better? A lot of times we feel something and we think we have to just feel it forever. Like that's me. I have this overweight, sad feeling in my belly. And that's me forever. That's just who I am. And then anybody who tries to come at it, you just stab them with your sword and they, you know, you protect yourself from it. We all have those things. Yeah. Well, Jay, I definitely want to talk about well, actually, let's back up your name, even we were talking about your name. I know, but I have said it a couple of times. Let's get your full name that you have like to be called now that you've grown older. My full name is actually Jordan now. I feel we're kind of talking about this earlier, but I feel like I like grew into my name. You know, I didn't start really start using it until I went to college and I was rushing for my sorority and it was printed right there. I'm like, I can't hide it now. It's there. And then a lot of times people like don't want to call me. I go, is there anything? It's too long or it's still and it's like, yeah, call me Jay. [00:13:50] Jacob: I don't know, just started happening when I was little. [00:13:53] Jordenelle: And then or Jordy or Jordan or. Simplified for other people. Whatever names like I'm like, call me whatever. [00:13:59] Jacob: Because some people are like, you know, when people get Starbucks drinks and they spell their name wrong, they're so offended. That's so weird. Isn't it? I'm like, why does it bother you so much? [00:14:09] Jordenelle: It's like a trigger that says, wait, people love this picture [00:14:12] Jacob: About it all the time. I'm like, first of all, like they're stressed. Like, is it really a big deal that they spell your name wrong? I think that's what they're thinking about. And that's what you're supposed to. I mean, yeah, we have this weird thing with our name. Like, if someone called me the wrong name, I don't correct. Like, I'm like, but I'm very passive. Like, I'll let someone call me the wrong name for a long time. Like, I really am so passive. I'm like, I just hate conflict so much that I'm like, sorry. But other people are like, no, my name, like they're really [00:14:39] Jordenelle: Like into their power, though. And I used to get mad at those people, but I was mad because there's a trigger, because I wasn't like that. [00:14:45] Jacob: Oh, because you weren't standing up for yourself? Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, you know, when you are upset, I always talk about this, like on my personal Instagram, like if someone is doing something and it bothers you, there's a reason for that. And that shit's going to keep happening until it doesn't [00:15:00] Jordenelle: Bother you anymore, because eventually that same stuff's going to happen and you're not even noticing it because it doesn't bother you. Once you work on your triggers, they just, there's less. You notice that you don't really care what other people are doing. No, and people don't care what you're doing. [00:15:15] Jacob: Yeah, we always talk about that. A good example, like say you, you take the garbage out to the curb, right? And you're like, you're in your pajama pants and sandals and you're like, oh man, my neighbors are going to think that I'm a total scrub. It's like, your neighbors don't even know you exist right now. They don't care where they're like, that guy is putting his garbage out to the curb. If they even think that, they probably will literally just see it and not even let the full thought come into their mind. They're so not caring about what you're doing, you know? I feel that, like, you know, I'm like the crazy, I'm like going out full moons, like collecting [00:15:45] Jordenelle: Rainwater and cleansing my rocks. [00:15:47] Jacob: I'm like, people, my partner's like, no one cares what you're doing. They might be looking at you because they're curious, but they're not like, no one cares what you're doing. Yeah, they're like, let go. Yeah, I love that. That's great. I mean, that's, you know, I'm happy to have you on this podcast because, you know, that's my whole thing here is that everybody has something to teach you, knowledge is power, like in just being open to like, hey, like what, like, what do you think about this whole thing we got going on? You know, like, because, you know, a lot of us have read the same, the same books in school and we've been raised in the same areas. And so there's a lot of stuff that we know similar, right? And we do find things that are different about each other and we kind of poke at them because we're, we're uncomfortable, but I don't like that. I, I like finding things. Make me uncomfortable. Right. Yeah, I just like finding things about people like, oh, I don't know, I just being so open [00:16:41] Jordenelle: To new experiences in new ways of thinking [00:16:44] Jacob: About life because when you're open to it, it seems like it's like, oh, my life is now improving in this way or if something isn't working out for you, maybe there's a belief around that you have that could be like changed, you know, you don't, I think [00:16:58] Jordenelle: Just, just allowing people to, to open up [00:17:03] Jacob: And be themselves. Be authentic. Yeah. And because, because I, like I said, I, you know, I have a lot of last couple of years, the spirituality thing is new for me. [00:17:11] Jordenelle: And so like I said, I was telling you, like, I find myself going to your Instagram. Oh my gosh, that makes me want to cry. No, it's great because these are things that like, I'm like, I don't know, I don't know about that, but it seems like it kind of makes sense to me. And it feels right. And I experienced this thing. Yeah, it definitely resonates with me. And then so having these things where you can kind of get answers or feel like there's someone else who's connecting with you. [00:17:34] Jacob: That's what it's all about. I think just realizing that everybody has a different way of seeing things, but there's so many similarities and there's so many ways that like, you don't have to stay the same. You could be like, hey, like, like, like Jordan else said this thing, then like, it was just profound to me. I've never even thought about it before, but now like, I'm going to try that shit tomorrow, you know, why not? [00:17:52] Jordenelle: What the world is for, I think. And I think it's very healing to learn and just try new things. And I think like for me, [00:17:59] Jacob: I've always just kind of, I mean, I've always really been comfortable. Like I've never been the girl that wear makeup, not against wearing makeup at all, but I've always just been me. Like I can wake up and go like because I am who I am. You know what I mean? And I feel like so many of us are like [00:18:16] Jordenelle: Just scared to show up for ourselves, [00:18:19] Jacob: Scared to look in the mirror. You know, like how like, why can't you? Like who's making you feel less than it's yourself and like, why can't you just like be authentic for you? And I'm telling you when you're authentic for you, your life just the right door is open. Because what I was doing is I'm such a people pleaser, I don't eat meat. So like, I remember this coffee shop, this guy's a hunter and he's like, want to see what I killed? And I'm like being passive. I'm like, yeah, but no, I don't. Okay. But you know what I mean? So like that's for me where it's like, when you engage in conversations [00:18:53] Jordenelle: That you don't like, you are creating false energy cords with these people [00:18:59] Jacob: And false attachments. And I just heard the other day, it's better to be respected than loved, which is huge for me. I like that because like I am so like, yes, like, yes, like, like I just like want everyone to be comfortable and happy, but it's like, you need to say no, no is so powerful. And that's like my biggest lesson is like, no, I don't want to do that. And I don't need to explain myself. But yeah, when it comes to self love, you know, that's such a bus feed word at this point, you know, sometimes you'll be a little confusing. What does that mean? You know, there's a million different, you know, what does it mean to you is what it is. But a lot of a lot of saying no is self love, seriously. And like, you know, when you start just like a history, I've been on my spiritual journey for about 11 years. I started really meditating and diving into it about five years ago. [00:19:52] Jacob: But I want I wanted to come on here and say that you don't just wake up in one day and you don't just wake up and you're happy. Like it's been a lot of shadow self and a lot of dark days. It's not all incense and crystals and like love yourself. [00:20:09] Jordenelle: Like it's really not all like that. Like, yeah, I'm like that on my Instagram because that's how I want my followers to be encouraged. But I also want them to know that like in who's listening, that it doesn't happen overnight and it's work because you have to dig [00:20:24] Jacob: Deep and like see your childhood [00:20:28] Jordenelle: Self and like outside influences and like heal. But when you start healing your memories, it actually rewires the future because you can change your like a bad experience. [00:20:39] Jacob: Look at it in a different way. Yeah. And it rewires your DNA. It absolutely does. You can look at it instead of experiencing it as the sufferer that you were. You can look at it from the witness perspective of a 20 something year old person who is like, OK, this thing happened to me. What about it? Like, let's look at it. What really happened and what's different now? How can I perceive it differently than my childhood self did? [00:21:02] Jordenelle: Yeah, and like how I know people have healed is because like I'm like dig into your trauma as a child if they can't even talk or they start crying like their throat shock or they have not done the work. Right. Like when I first started opening up about like my childhood, because I had like to me, I had a traumatic [00:21:20] Jacob: Childhood, but now I don't see it like that. But if I were to tell you my story, you'd be like, how are you? How are you this way when you didn't have anything? So I think it's really important to just realize that also like, don't I talk about this? Don't compare trauma like I see people doing that where it's like, well, this happened to me. So I should be more messed up or like this didn't happen to you. You had a great life. Well, you don't know how they perceived it. Like just because they had two parents and they had money doesn't mean that they had a great life as an individual. And that's so important to know because we often compare like, oh, I didn't have a parent or my parents died or like there's so much like comparing of our lives to like justify how we act, but just own up to like it. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't make sense to compare because it's like I've used this example before like you could be terrified of snakes today because when you were six, not you got bit by a snake, but a man who was wearing a snake shirt yelled at you. [00:22:18] Jacob: I mean, like that's you know, that's a short extension of the word childhood trauma. But I feel like we do hear words and sentences like childhood trauma very often in its when you start learning more about it. There's so much to it. Like the aces, right? Have you heard of the aces, right? Like the 10 questions? Oh, no, hit me with them. Do you remember? I don't know them all off hand, but it's like a parents in a jail. You've been like sexually assaulted. One of your more parents was a substance abuser. [00:22:47] Jordenelle: There's like all the things that like things that like trauma and it actually I'm 10 out of 10, by the way, which is like the highest score you can get. And I'm predicted to not go to school and predicted like and it's crazy because it's showing that trauma can change your DNA in this lifetime. They're literally seeing at a molecular level that these trauma is changing your DNA and also trauma is passed down. And we are the generation to heal that ancestral trauma and stop it. I absolutely believe that, too. No more of it. We are not our grandparents. [00:23:23] Jacob: Yeah, we are not our parents even. There's a you know, in a jumping to like culture society, sometimes I feel like right now you know, a lot of a lot of our job, like my job, for example, like I'm a good moderator, I would say I'm good at having two different types of people and we can have a conversation that all you know, all three of us. I enjoy that. A lot of times I feel like I just I just see this and feel this huge disconnect between like our age and older generations. And it's like yeah, very much so. But I think a lot of what it is we're like so think about hearing as a parent think about hearing words like childhood trauma. They instantly take that on themselves like oh, I was a terrible parent or whatever. [00:24:09] Jacob: I have a little trouble with my own mother because we're so like because I'm in the I'm cuckoo. I'm in the cocoon a little bit now. I'm through my hero's journey. I'm not in the middle of my hero's journey. I'm still I said, you know, my throat still closes up when I talk, but I'm still trying to deal with a lot of these things out. Nothing's wrong with that either. No, no, yeah. But I yeah, thank you for saying that. I think that talking about it and getting it like I am in the middle of it. I'm not claiming to not be on the other side of things, but I'm not ignoring it. That's for sure. But I think a lot of the [00:24:38] Jordenelle: Disconnect is so much of like. A lot of it's almost like older people take it as offensive. Like we're saying, oh, you were terrible parents and you didn't. It's like, no, that's not what's happening. Like when we when we say words like childhood trauma or like [00:24:54] Jacob: This thing happened to you when you are a younger thing and now you have to have this adult relationship with your parents and your kid still has childhood trauma. Absolutely. But you know what I've learned is parents do the best with what they have. And I bet you their parents weren't any better. Right. At least from my family, I see my I live with my grandma, my mom, I live on the second parcel and I see it like the trauma and my grandma is just so alive like she would die without it. [00:25:20] Jordenelle: If you like healed her trauma, she would die. She would send because that's her. She needs it to live. Like she always talks about how poor she was and all this. And like it is her. She cannot move forward in depression is living in the past anxiety living in the future. She doesn't have anxiety. She has she has some anxiety, but it's so like trauma. Like these people back in my day, like they need it, but us, it's like I don't it's a part of me and I appreciate it because it's brought me here, but I want to like move forward. Yeah. And like I know some of my whole identity. Yeah. But I have those older generation. It is a lot of them and like to tell them to heal like who are like no. [00:26:01] Jacob: Right. Like, you know, they didn't go to counseling. They didn't have the tools that we do now. They didn't have the internet like they weren't meditating like they weren't thinking about it in a healthy way. Right. Like we are really pushed to do that. I feel like our generation is pushed to do that. I mean, especially like, you know, people like I imagine I spent a crazy amount of time on YouTube and learning about these things. I don't do you spend a good amount of time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's but what it is, you know, I'm not watching, you know, Parks and Rec for the fifth time on YouTube. I'm which I would love to but I, you know, I'm like learning these things like our Paris just simply or older people simply didn't have access to these things. [00:26:38] Jordenelle: I mean, so if I wanted to go, OK, what is, what is meditation? What is Buddhism? What is any of these things? If I wanted to know this information 30 years ago, I would have to travel to India, talk to the right person, travel, travel. Yeah, I could find the shaman. It's six months in India and then eight months here serving here. Yeah. All these things. But nowadays all of those people 30 years ago who were doing that like people who I listened to every day, they come back now and they have conversations about what they learned and so people like you and I get to listen to that information. [00:27:07] Jacob: So instead of so not that I'm saying like where I have the knowledge of a monk travel to the top of the mountains. But there is there, you know, we have some things that are helpful for people to learn. And yeah, when you our knowledge, the internet has made it to where we know so much. The sentence we know more than our parents doesn't. That just doesn't make sense. That's not what I'm trying to say. Right. But you're more aware. Yeah, our knowledge base and the details of like, you know, further towards truth and further towards not ignoring our feelings, our inner spirit, not ignoring that stuff. We're figuring that out and we're able we're getting slower slowly. We're starting to put things into words more and more. I mean, I feel like a lot of people listening, you're probably told at a young age to shut up or don't say that, be quiet and public. You know, don't talk about that and that blocks your throw and that blocks your creativity and like little kids are just open imagination like, you know, they're so excited. Like to me, telling a kid to shut up, I know it's like, I'm not a parent, so I can't do it. But it like [00:28:16] Jacob: And every time you're telling him to shut up, it's like and then they just get in this box where they don't talk or they don't talk about anything meaningful and they don't look and they don't talk from within. They talk from without, if that makes sense. No, it does. So I actually when I was like nine, my life started getting just like super hectic and it was essentially this what I felt was anything you have to say is adding to the problematic situation that is your life. So it was very like it was very suppressed, what I really would want to say. And then so it's kind of, you know, you get older and you don't realize that you have suppressed these sort of things and a lot of like our personality traits are like trying to fit in with different situations when we're just when the real less. It's a way to survive trauma as a child. Yeah. And like the way I was like thinking today, I was like, how did I survive my trauma being overly kind and nice? Because no one questions the kind person. No one thinks that their mom is using meth in the bathroom. [00:29:17] Jacob: Right. No one thinks that this kind little girl has a fucked up life at home. Right. You know what I mean? I had some teachers be like, well, you go OK, but like no one questions the kids who are acting out defense tactic. Right. But just being so kind to kill them with kindness. And I always talk about them. So no one's asking me about Jay. No one's asking about Jordenelle. It's always them talking to me. So I don't have that opportunity or I don't allow people to ask me how I'm doing because I was doing horrible. [00:29:45] Jacob: Right. Right. So I was always opening to listening to my friends. And I was never really talking about me until recently. But like I was always about them or other people. And that was just a defense mechanism because I wasn't doing good. Do you know what I mean? I had a lot of trauma. I was angry inside. Like if you saw me at my house, way different from like how you saw me at school. Yeah. Because if you talk about it, that means you got to face it is the thing. Yeah. So it's or embarrassed or like you don't want to like, you know, it's her. You don't want to talk about your her what hurt you. And do you ever feel sometimes I feel like we share amongst our individual friend groups growing up like, oh, you know, inevitably we're the person who people text like, hey, I've got this thing going on. And I love it. Like it's what I live for. I love helping people. And you know, responding with like, they trust my opinion. Like I can be straight up with my friends and they want to hear it, you know, do you ever we were talking about before this about like taking [00:30:45] Jacob: A lot of that, taking it on, but not exactly like draining it. Right. And so you want to go on a little bit. What are some ways that you drain these things? Like not that like your friends give you problems and you got to just like get them away. But there is a lot of like we accidentally hold on to things that aren't ours. And there's a lot of me personally. [00:31:07] Jordenelle: You talk about nature. I'm huge into nature as well for this reason. Forest Bathing is real. Yeah. It's a force bathing. Yeah, I want to become like a Forest Bathing practitioner. That's like an epic term. OK, OK, Jay, tell me about it. So it's crazy because like I'm Japanese, right? So Forest Bathing is like a Japanese technique. And what they're doing with these depressed patients is they're just going out with them in the forest and they're literally doing brain scans. And they're carrying depression and anxiety with the forest. Fantastic. So the reason we love and that's a big part of my Instagram too is like get outside. [00:31:40] Jacob: Like you guys are sad. Go outside and connect because we're disconnected because you know what we do? We wake up in a box. We get put our food in a box. We get in a box and we drive to a box. We leave the box, get in the box, go back to the box. If anybody threatens our box, we attack it. We attack their box and you stay in this box and you're cyclical human beings and you're in the box and you're in the box and you're in the box and it's like, oh yeah, hiking like, oh, it's a fad. No, it's not. It's more to me than hiking. [00:32:06] Jordenelle: Right. It's get outside because nature is just waiting to heal you. Yeah. It is just waiting. Like I'm getting chills talking about it because that's why I'm here is to like nature is like, it's perfect. [00:32:18] Jacob: Right. You don't even have to do anything and it's just growing. You didn't plant that tree. Who planted that tree? No one knows. Isn't it just fascinating? See, I love doing that. So because I'm a, you know, sometimes it's great to turn off my thinking brain, but sometimes I like going into nature and just letting it rip as in like, oh my God, like how old could that tree possibly, oh my God, how did this lake get here? Just letting yourself be this like wondrous explore of the situation in front of you. You are the tree. [00:32:43] Jordenelle: That's like my meditation is you are that it is in you. So what I do is I'll go outside, barefoot, I collect things and I just sit and I usually do this alone and I sit and [00:32:57] Jacob: All around you is in you. You are everything. And when you can be like that and sit because it's the God particle, right? So if you look at everything at a molecular level, it's the same little Buddha guy. The God, it's called the God particle. So that's where I'm like, God is everywhere. It's not God up in the clouds with his beard and the but no thing against Bible or anything. [00:33:19] Jordenelle: But to me, God is everywhere. I see God everywhere I look because someone like nature is like how I connect. [00:33:28] Jacob: Like I'm like telling Dane, I'm like my religion is nature. Like if we went out and like worshiped like the trees and stuff, the world, but just and just be more like this. So everything around you in your house is made from nature. Like, do you not see that? [00:33:42] Jordenelle: Like your wood table is a tree. [00:33:45] Jacob: Like everything around you is created from nature. The elements. Yeah. And I think we just get can like lose connection. And I think a lot of depression is the lack that lack of feeling connected. But if you just go outside and like, you don't have to do anything. You know, you don't have to get somewhere like a lot of people want to hike to the top. And I love that too. But I go to the same spot a lot. And I just sit and I look at for something new. I'm not even looking. I'm just seeing something new. [00:34:10] Jordenelle: Yes, yes. Because the universe is showing me new things because I'm taking the time from my soul. And when you spend time with your soul, you learn more and more and more and more. But the more I learn, the more I realize that I am nature. [00:34:24] Jacob: Like I am you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you think? Probably deep but sorry. No, that's wonderfully deep. I love it. Keep going deeper. It's great. Sometimes I feel that my so me, for example, you know, I categorize myself with ADHD a lot. And I do that, though. [00:34:40] Jordenelle: I'm always very weary of like, I don't like categorizing myself because like I don't want to feel like I'm a victim of it or like I'm penciling myself in and my ego struggle. Yeah, right. Ego likes labels. It definitely does. But I find that something that I didn't realize that I wasn't ever being able to turn off before I started going into outside by myself more again the last couple of years, I like this task, this task mind where it's like you need to do something at all times. You're always assigning yourself a task and completing it. And if you're not in the middle of it, you actually have this panic. You're like, I don't have a task [00:35:15] Jordenelle: Right now. I'm going to grab my phone. I'm going to do something. I'm going to take a picture. I'm going to whatever. But like when you're outside, if you give yourself a few hours and you realize like, I don't have to have it, the task doesn't have to be the end. It could be this in between like me. I really would I have what I have success with is while I'm outside, getting myself away from my current thoughts and my current spot in life is I think about my life. Zoom out, zoom way out. [00:35:38] Jacob: Like when I'm on my deathbed versus when I was born, what do I want to be? Like if I'm looking at my life as a timeline, like the little pings are right now. Like what do I want to like? OK, I went hiking. Like I experienced hiking for this many hours, like, you know, see it as something before I die. [00:35:55] Jordenelle: I want to have experienced this. [00:35:57] Jacob: You know, I want to feel the outdoors. So like when you say timeline, so time isn't linear for those of you listening. The past and the future are happening right now. [00:36:10] Jordenelle: I think of time as a record player. [00:36:12] Jacob: So it's [00:36:14] Jordenelle: Crazy. So like when talking back about changing your perception on your childhood memories, you change your future. And they're saying so many times you can meditate and you heal [00:36:25] Jacob: And you start to forget memories that you held onto. And I feel like memories are almost keys. But like I'll forget things so easily because I don't need to remember it anymore. It's not who I am. Does that make sense? But when you're talking about this timeline and these pings, so your future is happening right now. Like everything. I totally OK. So it's not a linear. It's totally all right now. Like the world creating beginning like dinosaur. Like it's all here happening right now. And that is so important to realize that you can change right now. Like your thought one thought can change your whole future. One interaction. I met my partner and I knew right away and I went for it. What if I wasn't there that night? You know, so it's like but everything led you up to right here right now in this moment. [00:37:11] Jordenelle: But it's all happening right now. If that makes sense. Think of time like and I know it's super crazy. But it's like it does. That's profound though. That's how I see it. I don't I like was meditating one day and I was like because we get so stuck with right. At least I'm always in the future. That's something I need to work on. But like I'm like but like when you're envisioning yourself and when you're feeling psychic I almost feel like I'm tapping in to the future and I'm getting like a glimpse of it. It's not like I'm even like visioning or manifesting. It's almost like I'm like dipping into the future. You saw a little bit of like someone showed you a little bit like it's like a flat like yeah. So it's like now the universe grants me with a vision of me owning an herbal shop. Now what that's what I want to do and what can I do to get there. So when you see these memories or visions of your future go for it because it's showing you it for a reason like my mom always says I had a dream [00:38:05] Jordenelle: I was like on a podium and I'm like you wouldn't have a dream if you couldn't do it or you wouldn't have that dream in the first place. [00:38:13] Jacob: If that makes sense right. Yeah like you want to do this. I want to do that. It's all are intuitive. [00:38:19] Jordenelle: It's our soul guidance. You can't win the lottery if you don't buy a lottery. Take it right hundred percent but like this disconnects so when I get sad it's because I'm not aligned with my soul's higher purpose. And a lot of people I don't know what I want to do. But in my big what spirit tells me is do it brings you joy. For me being in my garden planting plants. Yeah joy. That's it. You're doing it. You don't have to like do all these crazy things. Of course you can but like joy can't like joys it. [00:38:48] Jacob: That's all you need. Right. It's so simple. We over complicate it. You go to these foreign countries that have nothing in our eyes. They're happy. I know we have more that we add more. So we add more problems. Yeah. You need to you need to simplify. Well me living in my tiny house [00:39:05] Jordenelle: I have not been like more happy. [00:39:08] Jacob: I don't have walls. I don't have power. I don't have water. I don't have a toilet. OK. Let's talk about your tiny house because it's so sick to me. I saw a couple of things. You had a couple of videos and then we were talking about you're telling me like a little bit of the size. Yeah. I was like wondering I don't know. I don't think that I'm the type of person who can do it at this point. I don't think I don't know. But it's not for everyone. Yeah. But it's so cool that it's that it's for you and I want to hear about it. So tell me about another person in there. Oh yeah too. OK. So from conceptualization when you first had the thought or saw like a tiny house start there. This is so I don't know like how long but I've always loved like yurts and little hobbit houses and like you know it just [00:39:49] Jordenelle: Feels cozy to me like it's crazy how you have the smallest. So I'm a tourist so I love home and I love making people feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel like when you're in a big space it's almost harder to do that. But you're wrangling all the way in. So my house is 24 by 20 and I envision like having tea parties and like get together and people are just so comfortable with themselves because like when you're in a small space like you have to just be. This is it. This is the room. Like you can't like walk away of the conversation party and like I'm always in the kitchen talking to random people because I can't be in like the main area. But when you're like forced to be in one room together you really just have to show up. Absolutely. And like with my tiny house like I don't even use all of it and it's tiny. So it's like crazy how like even I have a small space I'm still not using all of the space. [00:40:35] Jacob: Right. So it's 24 by 20. [00:40:38] Jordenelle: Randomly like it's crazy how it all just like aligned my lease was up and my apartment and my mom just bought a house and it had a second parcel and she wanted to build a house there and I'm like I don't want to spend like 1500 on rent. Like that's just I don't really want to afford it. Like I just it's not me. Like I just I don't know. I don't like the idea of like renting to never own kind of felt like I was like throwing my money away. Well you have different future plans than a lot of people like you need to buy a house right now. It's like what I don't want to own a house. Never me. So my house was $6,000 total and my mom bought it for me and I'm paying rent. But it is just like again I don't have walls or water or but I live on my mom has her main house so I go up there to use like the kitchen. We will have that. We're just like working on getting electricity. But it's so comfortable. It's so cozy and like it's me my boyfriend and our two cats and like the cats love it and our beds up top. [00:41:34] Jordenelle: I love sleeping up top. Oh yeah. And like it's like a loft like a yeah like you can't like stand up there. But like you could like sit up in bed and read. I can't my partner can't. But like it's just and then there's a loft on the other side for like we're going to do like a little meditation like room because it's like completely black. So would you like pillow or do you like pillows and like posters and like black it out because like I like to meditate in the black. Perfect. And like that's like there's not a lot of places you can just get like blackness. Yeah. But like dark all the time. So like I'll wake up and I'll eventually go over there and I'll just be like dark and I can meditate. And then I envision myself having like an herbal business like ran out of it and like I have a garden already and just people can come and like I want like a you pick flower place and I just want to like bring a little like I don't know just energy to the town and like neighborhood and just have people come connect [00:42:25] Jacob: Right. You know with like nature in like a different way. [00:42:27] Jordenelle: I think that's great. And I think that it'll definitely shine through like people. I could totally envision that people meeting you and like just come to my tiny house like it would be such a great full on experience. You know we forget a lot of times when we're when we're eating dinner you know where we're like oh this is so good but like we forget about the process of going to the store. We forgot the process of cutting it and washing it and all these things and when you can add like they get to see like your cheerful face and you tell them a little bit about what they're what they're taking home or yeah not just eating wise but that's great. Yeah I think adding to the experience of them coming up to your house will see like I want to do like you pick herbal place so you're really connected to your medicine. It's not like oh I'm buying [00:43:07] Jordenelle: Like St. John's work for my depression. It's like no you're picking it and you're dry and I'll dry it for you and you can go home with it or making teas for yourself. And so what I envision is like we're very intuitive and we're very like you see something in your body like oh [00:43:20] Jordenelle: I want that I don't even know what that herb is but I'm attracted to it. Well you probably need it but we don't ever get to see our medicine like that so I feel like we can't heal ourselves because we aren't ever given the opportunity to look at our medicine in the face. So that's why I want to do like a you pick herbal place and you pick garden so where it's like just walk in the garden with you and meditate and just talk and pick out three herbs that you're drawn to. I'm not going to tell you what they are you know you just I will if you ask but like you just see what you're drawn to and then you pick it and you need that because who picked that right. I like that. So it's like there's not a lot of I haven't found a place that's like there's one place in Portland that's kind of like that but I just wanted to [00:43:59] Jacob: Like a more on a small scale [00:44:00] Jordenelle: Right but it's connect people to the whole world to make this big corporation or anything. A lot of times people think that growth is the only I'm a growth mindset person but sometimes like giant growth isn't always what we're going for like your goal here is to make it to where people can come here and pick with their intuition and you could help them with that. Like that sounds like a great goal. Yeah. And I mean I do want like a wellness center. That's something that I've envisioned for 10 years. I've drawn it up. I've seen it but that is like a 20 year plan 30 year plan. That's not something but it's my main driving force to everything I do is to create this wellness center for people to really come and heal like heal the soul. OK. So yeah heal the soul. That's what you mean to say wellness center. What are you because you're let's expand a little bit more about you who you are. I feel like because I that's like who you are. You're a healer. Yeah. Yeah. Like what are right. [00:44:55] Jacob: I mean it seems like it right. What do you what do you feel as like you're like if it's like OK I have a duty a calling like here's what here's how I help people like what wellness center. Yeah. It's like something I see it I feel it I act as if it's already here. You know because I see it so vividly. It's just it is what it is like commune like living together something that I crave. I'm Native American like I crave [00:45:25] Jordenelle: Missing like living side by side with people and like sharing and bartering and like growing our own like what I envision like I won't have a I don't know if I want kids but I when I do see my child it's at this wellness center like living like this lifestyle because that's the kind of life I want to create for the future is like you don't have to live here but like a place to come and just be you don't have to know who you are your ego or whatever like let's grow vegetables together like and pick your food and let's prepare it together and eat like family style and like really be connected to the earth and like let's meditate together and like just live in harmony with the earth. Have you know. I love that I kind of think about like a meditation retreat center I like here I think so I work with musicians and artists and stuff and so for example I had a videographer homie over two nights ago and we were talking about like he was just saying [00:46:25] Jacob: Like I get so caught up with these things we're just talking about like I have so many friends I hang out with all of them and like a love hanging out with them but I have this trip and it seems like there's no time to like you just always have a plan and you're doing and we were talking about and I have plans with some other musicians of doing like a writing retreat here where it's just like three days where it's just like you know leave your phone upstairs if you can or you know maybe don't have to but and just connect to like the structure of not like working but like just like we're going to write if it comes out but yeah like sit in the backyard in a hammock and write like not we need to start a timer and like get this done in an hour like [00:47:01] Jordenelle: You know they explore what just give me like anxiety I know right yeah not writing from the soul it's like ego like oh yes like I'm forcing myself yeah do you write a lot do you yeah okay I know that you write your captions on Instagram are great you [00:47:16] Jacob: Right there do you write pen and paper too yeah and it's crazy because I don't read what I write ever I do that to you I do that too and like I probably won't listen this podcast you know not like myself I listen to your podcast but like this like how dare you what who's the guy in the office the main guy Steve Krill he never watches his TV shows the only time he's seen them or as if his kids are watching him but I feel that I don't know why I don't it's almost like it's not me but it is me but it's like you know it and I'll over analyze it or like oh I said that or why did they say that or I like pick at it you know like a control freak I get that you know okay so because that's come up a lot like doing this podcast because I'm friends with most of the people or besides a few of them so far I've been prior friends with them and so that's an open contact and they're like oh I hate my voice or like please don't send this or make my voice out but it's a but people [00:48:12] Jordenelle: Like love my voice that's the thing it's like I hate it I think I sound like a little kid and it's like too high pitch and everyone's like my part is like I love your voice it's sweet he's like I can hear you from a while away like but we're all that's here but we're all in our own head cavities thinking that it sounds so strange but it's a lot of the times Alan Watts he says this he says this thing that always sticks with me we somehow an event is [00:48:36] Jacob: Ruined if we don't get a good picture of it you know and sometimes it's like we do feel the need to you know I find this I'll take a snapchat and then I'll rewatch it before I post it those sort of things if I do that we always think like okay can I rewind time and make that better or whatever and it's you never can as much as we think we want to [00:48:52] Jordenelle: I feel that but it's you just are who you are in this moment and you're always improving I guess you don't really care to like I mean I do like sometimes when I'm writing it's sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the thoughts that I have right and I just get consumed and then sometimes I get like well I'm not here yet right so sometimes when I read all my goals or things that I want to do I read like my goals all the time and like I'm an advocate like law of affirmation and planners and mantras and like I am enough I am enough I am enough I am I will write the same thing hundred like crazy like [00:49:28] Jordenelle: Well it's like no like because like you need you need to tell yourself you need to be reminded like I'll write on my mirrors like I usually don't like to look in the mirror but it's like no I need to show up for myself and look at myself and realize that I am enough and everyone that's listening is enough and I don't think that we tell each other that enough I tell my partner every day you are enough I love you for you and we don't I just got chills saying that to myself like we don't tell ourselves like our part like the real things you know oh [00:49:57] Jacob: Yeah I love you oh I love you love we say it like a word you have to say but like look your partner in the eyes and like mean it and tell them because you don't know what they're going through right I mean we've talked about that like you're with somebody and you don't even know what they're feeling how often do you think that happens we just hide it because we're ashamed of our feelings and it's like no like talk about it I'm advocate for talking about my feelings I probably talk about them too much but I have so many that I'm like let's talk about I need to dissect it yeah you don't understand it I mean yeah you're trying to understand what's coming out and you're trying to allow other people to understand it to yeah a lot of times we keep things inside and you know with writing I don't even know what I think sometimes until I'm writing and I'm like oh that's what I think yeah that makes sense I don't know same you know [00:50:39] Jacob: I feel that put your words give your give yourself a place to put the word so they start to come together like the past three days I've actually had like a little bit of a block which I never usually get like you know the writer's block or whatever I'm like what's happening and I think it's just happening because sometimes like I get so much I'm like hyper spinning that I think sometimes I just need to like chill and not always be with like spirit and divine and like sometimes I just need to be human and just be present because I'm chronically hearing like things not like bad things but like act on this here's this great idea you need to do this here's this follow this into funnel or like oh my gosh like really look at the but sometimes I just need to be like shut off [00:51:23] Jordenelle: So I can just like reset and recharge right because we're batteries if you think about it if you're draining it and you're putting it out there and you're putting out there and something I also started thinking about was how many people are like seeing me and how much energy and what kind of energy is going on to people like when they're seeing my stuff and my because I'm triggering people I can feel that I can feel I'm triggering people and that energy even though we're not physically with them it's attached do you know what I mean and I'm here to trigger people because I'm waking people up expand on the word triggering because I think that political stuff has ruined the words like triggering I'm not political but yeah I know but it's I feel like when I hear that I hear that I hear that in the news okay so sometimes for example I'm pretty happy that makes someone [00:52:06] Jacob: Upset because they're not happy okay or I'm honest and that makes someone unhappy because they're maybe not being honest with themselves I'm being authentic I'm not wearing makeup that triggers some girls because they aren't doing that and they're mad at themselves you know what I mean so who does she think she or the like you know I've had people like upset at me for being nice I've had so many women [00:52:32] Jacob: Not like me because of how genuinely nice I am it's because they don't feel free to do that because they have to have this guard up I don't have a guard up I'm very open yeah definitely I think that so many people are so unaware of their own guards their own masks their own armor that they're like pushing up against themselves yeah well I realize I'm like I don't think people you know like sometimes people are doing something that bothers you I'm like but they're not trying to bother you like you are just being bothered by it but that's probably not their intention like someone cut you off that's gonna keep happening until it doesn't bother you people coming off I'm like who even taught us that term like maybe they're busy maybe their dad just died maybe they're going to appointment like you do not know what people are going through I've got people off on accident oh yeah okay you know what I mean driving is a great way [00:53:23] Jordenelle: To test your triggers right oh driving is a great way if you think that you're like totally in control of your emotions but you still get road rage that's something where I'm like oh I'm cool com collected guy like whatever I can keep my shit to myself then I would notice I would get road rage or somebody would be going 68 in the fast lane on the freeway and I'm like I'm gonna ride their ass because so they know that I'm telling them because I'm God right yeah gosh we do these fullest things so I this is the cool story that popped them ahead as you were talking about this I'm talking about like following intuition [00:53:49] Jacob: Right so you know think about let's say words like manifest words like [00:53:58] Jordenelle: I'll just tell the story so essentially I was I was out loud I knew that I was working on my road rage and I was actually so I was driving back home and I was in Lexington coming back I was gonna take the background here to Castle Rock and [00:54:13] Jacob: I was behind this old person who was going dangerously it's just 25 and a 45 and I rode there but like just what I've been thinking about it and then I started to get annoyed and I was like you know what I'm not in a rush right now I don't I don't need I'm not dying to get home what am I doing at home I'm gonna listen to the same podcast I'm listening to right now like so I right so I hung a left I was like let's just let's go the long way even if I'm behind him I'm gonna be a couple minutes behind him that's fine I won't even catch up [00:54:39] Jordenelle: So I went the long way right and I'm going through and I didn't realize that I was driving past someone essentially it was a distant family member on Shaly's side of the family was standing in her front yard [00:54:49] Jordenelle: I was like I forgot you lived here oh okay universe she's standing in her front yard looking at her front yard after she just mowed the lawn and she's just going through a recent divorce she was literally just like I hope I'm doing this right I talked to her for a few minutes he stopped he stopped and we had this conversation and I was driving away and she texted me this long thing like hey like thanks for like I needed that little conversation sort of thing and it was just this so that's why I was trying to I was trying to connect the words like manifest words like intuition like follow the good in your heart in your soul like when you like so me I was trying to take care of myself not because I'm I was trying to change my perspective of I don't want to be road rage guy I don't want to be angry what this guy driving slow should not affect me that's my problem and I should figure it out so me following and wanting to heal that led to me healing someone helping someone a little bit in yeah it's so important [00:55:40] Jordenelle: Right so and I think that a huge thing that well life starts opening these doors the universe did that for you absolutely that guy was put there for you what if he wasn't even there like it's I was saying this is in my head like but that happened for you a lot of people why is this happening to me to me versus change that to for me love that why is this happening for me I've been in like a car accident and I was the best day of my life I literally almost died [00:56:07] Jacob: Yeah it was the best day of my life I had an out of body experience it was the most spiritual day of my life I felt so blessed I should have flipped but I didn't it was like but you know what I mean like you need to change your perspective on your life you can change those words you know if you grew up in a negative home it's harder but you can change it especially if you're with negative people your partner is negative or like your friends are negative and unfortunately sometimes if they're not willing to change like you I use this term you got to rise up for yourself like it yeah it's really hard it is but you have to do it for you yeah because no one's going to do it for you but you it's so important to like take that stand and be like you know like you don't have to stay with the same friends if they're not if they're not matching up with they're always going to be your friends yeah but when you're when I'm seeing my friends do things [00:56:57] Jordenelle: That I don't want to do or only talk about other people you know the small town gossip blah and then and then and then and then and then and then and then that just doesn't light me up and I'm all about lighting my soul up like light me up spiritually soulfully I don't need to have these this kind of conversation is my daily with my partner like I need this I hate the small talk it's like cringe to me how are you how are you good like bye and then they both parties know that like we don't really want to be saying this we're saying I don't care I think we have to and the truth is sometimes I don't care how you're doing because sometimes I just am not that mindset where I don't care and it's not it's not a bad thing to not care all the people you don't know them why do you care you can't be walking if you walk around the town [00:57:38] Jacob: And you see 1700 people you can't take the stress of I need to know how every single 1700 of these people are you know 100% it's not my job yeah because what happens to me is if I engage people read it wrong people think I'm hitting on them or people like all right you know and it's like just because I'm asking if you like your job it doesn't mean that I'm like hitting on you but people like take nice and like my boyfriend always says like people take your nicest for granted and it's but I'm not going to stop being me but I've had these conversations at my coffee shop where people break down in tears because they're telling me things they've never talked about so sometimes you do have that ability no matter where you're working when you if you get that urge in the grocery store to hey go talk to someone go do it definitely yeah I love that do you know what I mean do you ever get that and you see someone and you're like I want to go talk to them no that's weird every time I go and talk to them that person is so thankful [00:58:33] Jordenelle: Well in being open to [00:58:36] Jacob: Who they are fully like giving them a little bit of room to you know love to be heard yeah definitely and I think that a time going back to we were talking about like a lot of older people feel a little disconnected I think in ways a lot of you know just listening to someone who needs someone to talk to right now [00:58:52] Jordenelle: I always think about think about nowadays you're cooking some something like you and your partner are cooking something back in the day you would text your mom or call your mom or ask your mom like hey what's the ingredient for this and grandma taught her and whatever but nowadays you mom doesn't exist in that you just look to Google has the answer for that recipe or how long you cook it and I just think of all these technology has changed a lot of different areas of our life not just like cooking and getting recipes where we've cut out a lot of our communication older people and just other people so I feel like we're connected through the internet but we are very disconnected and sometimes we're reminded in situations like this where you're like follow your intuition talk to that person if you think you need to and I feel like some people like do not know how to communicate I actually think a lot of the population cannot have a genuine conversation [00:59:41] Jordenelle: Because they aren't authentic with themselves so how can they be authentic with me and I see that a lot I can tell so much by someone by what they talk about to me in the first few seconds so there's this technique where you ask someone how they're doing and they talk and you wait one two three before you respond and then they'll talk again and you wait one two before you respond because people hate silence [01:00:04] Jacob: Right oh right so it's like if you don't talk they'll fill the void and it's always interesting to see what people have to say because you can learn so much from someone by just listening yes I usually like to be the I used to grow up like talk like talk because I made HD whatever but like my recent years I like to listen because I'm learning more when I'm listening you know what I mean and also I'm like coming into these crazy conversations with these crazy random people but it's like wow my life manifested some amazing conversations with crazy people and we each have something to teach which is like this podcast yeah that's what it is doesn't matter who it is like someone at the gas station like don't be like oh they have nothing to teach me everyone has something to teach you because you've all had different life experiences and I also believe we're all messengers nothing's random [01:00:52] Jordenelle: Sometimes you hear like a random statement and you take it for granted but everything you are hearing in your life you are meant to hear even if it's on the radio even if it's on I don't listen to commercials or ads because it's like subliminal messaging but if you hear something on the radio like and it resonates with you and it triggers this emotion or something like the universe is a frequency and you're tuning in so like everything you're hearing and you're supposed to hear yeah but I feel like so many people because I always wonder like okay what's the difference like let's say now versus before for me just using me as an example again like if there was these messages these like man follow this like here's what you need to go through right now like a lot of times it's hard to see it like that usually I don't see it like that till later [01:01:39] Jacob: Right yeah but do you think just by being like honestly it seems like just by being open and like so if someone approaches you're in a bad mood someone approaches you instead of being like I'm in a bad mood I don't like let's get this conversation over with because I don't talk to this person because I'm feeling this well they can feel that yeah but if you but what about if you instead stay open to this person well think about the story you told me about earlier right oh on Halloween yeah we can talk about that yeah it's up to if you're personal stuff certainly [01:02:09] Jordenelle: So I'll retell it so something that I felt the need to tell Jay when she got here two years ago and I think I've mentioned this night on the podcast somewhere at some point oh wow maybe episode 14 I don't think that I mentioned you in it but I essentially two nights before a big Halloween show [01:02:29] Jordenelle: We were renting out this place and I was throwing a big event and I did the decor and I DJed all night and the graphics and I like I like trying to take care of all of it like the event side of things I like doing the whole big thing but two days before this my hard drive crashed which means that I had to scramble to get all my music and try to find it and I'm like waiting on different loading screens and I don't know where half my songs are and some of them got delayed it's all this it was two days of not a lot of sleep if any and a lot of stress and then I had to leave for an away show the next morning essentially I was very stressed was going through it and Jay came up and because we've been like friends in different ways like we're always happy to see each other always been friends in different ways but not super close [01:03:14] Jacob: Well she came up and while you're DJing while I was DJing while I was yeah like while I was up there which is not me I usually don't do that I mean I like to be up on the stage but not like that right no but it so what I the reason why I felt compelled to tell you was because like it was kind of weird but it was thoroughly finished what was I doing [01:03:39] Jordenelle: So you came up and you not like right away like you just came to start rubbing my back but you came up and you were saying nice things to me you're like you're doing great like you were essentially you were encouraging me but I was inside what was happening was I was very stressed I was having a five six hour long panic attack and to wind things down probably negative and maybe your mind [01:03:58] Jacob: I was very negative I was very my suicidal thoughts were just like that night was very a suicidal contemplation night so heavy [01:04:09] Jordenelle: Yeah and so but what I had told you when you when you got here that story is I remember you coming up and trying to help me and I was so focused on my own thing I didn't realize what was going on it was like this like I know who you are but you're bugging me sort of thing and I remember I snapped at you I was like you need to get off stage like please leave me alone and I remember the reason why I remember it is because that moment your reaction to it made me realize what I said made me realize what I was doing like I don't want to snap at people like I'm being aggressive I'm being mean I don't what am I doing so because you were instantly like you were like okay I get it I understand I'm probably I'm so like you walked away like sad and it just stuck with me because I was like that's how like I was feeling this thing and me saying one sentence wasn't up to just shove it right into today it's like how I reacted is how you are reflection of how you're feeling inside because I'm an empath [01:04:59] Jordenelle: So I'm trying to give you all this love because empath to empath and I and I could feel I was very drunk that night but I could feel even in your music that something was different I could tell your stress I could feel I mean you always play good music but it was something it wasn't you that was way off and yeah like it wasn't like as heartfelt and like everything kind of wasn't working but you're it was an inner reflection of you it wasn't working because you weren't working inside [01:05:26] Jacob: Right how I interpreted it absolutely and like me rubbing your back yeah it's not like out of context for like but it's like it was and I was like blacked out at that point [01:05:34] Jordenelle: So it's crazy that I'm doing this like as a healer I'm more like open to like touching you because I was like drunk but it was like I could sense it so much and you really needed that obviously because it stuck with you and that's why I want to say that what you do for people you might think it's minor but it plays an impact the butterfly effect showing compassion when they're not showing compassion towards themselves is everything seriously yeah like you don't know what you're doing like the that moment where you like you made me snap out of my stuff [01:06:09] Jacob: I mean I made me snap out of my stuff by me being to you unfortunately you have to be the person my kindness triggered you yeah it triggered you because you were not that way and you want to be that way and that's who you are in the heart and it snapped and this person came out of you that wasn't really you but it was you at that time and you by me seeing sad you were able to see like an internal reflection of you on someone else because we're mirrors right exactly yes and you're like whoa I don't want to be like that or wow why was I like that's not me and the world comes rushing in and you're like what you know you look at you stop these crazy thoughts that have been catapulting you for hours and days or whatever and you almost become present with what's going on well like when I was coming here like [01:06:53] Jacob: Me being like a lightworker is just basically someone whose mission is to come raise the frequency of the planet I've known that for a while I like walked into a room in this one of my psychic teachers like oh you're a lightworker like she like can see it so people can see it in your aura [01:07:09] Jordenelle: That's like you know when you walk into a room people always look at you like because people can feel your energy I've always felt like I'm very comfortable to be around I feel like I'm very people can be open with me I've never had people open up too easily to me sometimes but that's why I'm here on the planet and once you step into that role you just like nothing it surprises me anymore like nothing like picking up a piece of trash [01:07:35] Jordenelle: You know instead of being angry at that trash be thankful the trash is there to pick up because you pick it up and you might inspire someone else to do the same exactly I talk about Travis Pastrana motocross guy back in the day I remember when I was young he did the first backflip and it was like what? oh my god me and my buddies were just freaking out but then like weeks later like just weeks nobody had ever done this weeks later multiple people are doing backflips catalyst it's in you it's just you can't see it sometimes you have to see it in someone else but I talk you know about being empath and being everyone is psychic that's listening everyone has powers you just don't realize that they're powers because it's you but you ever like know something intuitively that's psychic like don't think of psychic as a little chris of the ball and I gotta go pay to see the future right like everyone has [01:08:20] Jacob: These gifts and everyone has a reason that they're here on the planet nothing is random like I always talk about this is the greatest biggest shift that the galaxy has ever seen and you are here on it like it's here for a reason if you're listening to this you're listening to this for a reason right do you know what I mean and like it's nothing is random I always talk about that like it's not random if your life sucks change your perception do you know what I mean I mean I know it's hard and it's like because I've been low like I've been there before where I like didn't get out of bed and it's dark and I'm depressed and I don't know what I want to do with my life and la not good enough but like take that time to just rest and it's okay to be like that and that's the thing if you are depressed right now it's okay because it can get better right same with anxiety like it's okay like it's gonna be okay and that's the thing because people have been through worse and they're okay like you can do it doesn't matter where you're at like it's gonna be okay [01:09:23] Jacob: Yeah if you if you follow the thought instead of just doing your best to avoid the thought and distract yourself from the thought I know it's you don't always want to get into the ring with a thought and think that you can just strangle it when you're feeling anxiety you can be very depressed of course but when you feel that you can like all right why am I feeling like that like let's see if I can work this out and I'm in a more emotionally balanced state yeah a lot of times if you follow the thought of fear it's just it leads all the way back to like a simple fear like I'm a fear I'm afraid of so say like you having anxiety and your heart's just going like you're like am I gonna die am I gonna die and if you just follow these thoughts back you know and from a sane position it's like I'm not I'm not gonna die I'm gonna be fine yeah it was oh we were talking about [01:10:05] Jordenelle: Something with an edible too yeah I took some shrooms and I took an edible and my heart was like like I could feel it like in my toes and I was like oh my god my anxiety like I'm gonna die a little bit but I knew that's not how I'm gonna go out I'm not gonna die on my bed in my tiny house at 24 from shrooms and an edible like once I just accepted it I stopped feeling my heart I just felt oneness and connection and I just was and I can't when you like tap into the frequency of the universe and you just are it's just like it's almost like you're breathing for the first time like like that's how it felt like just like you just feel like it just is like it's so hard to put into words like it's just it's like ego dissolved you dissolve I'm not male I'm not female I'm not a nurse like I'm not this I'm not that I don't live in Kelso like none of that matters [01:11:05] Jacob: Right it just [01:11:09] Jordenelle: Do you see the I see like so many like psilocybin in MDMA and like the research they're doing of course around like healing depression and it rewires your brain oh yeah it's structurally numbers listener if you haven't heard much about this the numbers are through the roof like people like PTSD like if there's so many great yeah micro dosing loved micro dose there's a lot of states and stuff that are very quickly making things Colorado Oregon's getting on it like decriminalizing and I'm excited for the future what a I love to talk about this too the government makes it so illegal because it doesn't want its people to wake the fuck up and see how corrupt the world is because when you take shrooms you see it for how it is there's no veil and you also begin to love yourself and the government doesn't want you to love yourself because guess what [01:11:58] Jordenelle: We are powerful yeah they can't buy us when we're like powerful beings and we realize we are the creators of our life they can't control you anymore yep when you're brainwashed and you're a sheep which is fine if you're there but you have the power to wake up and this is like what the podcast is it's the wave right now everyone's waking up faster numbers and everyone 2020 hit people are waking up so fast I'm like what the fuck is this energy inside of me right why am I just quitting my job like I don't want to do this like blah and people are like waking up like I mean that's what I have I have multiple people on the podcast entrepreneurs business owners who are more recently like I do realize that I wasn't happy and so I had to do what made me happy and here's what I'm doing and it's great literally that's and your universe supports you it supports you because you have unique gifts that you came here to do and if you're not tapping into that you're gonna feel dead [01:12:54] Jacob: For me and almost anyone if you don't feel like you belong here or you don't feel like you have a purpose you're not gonna feel alive you're gonna feel in that rack and that's super hard because it's hard to figure out what you want to do but you start with what makes you happy exactly oh that's what I was totally just gonna say so like music my thing with music I you know through let's say okay let's start for me trauma in trying to just get away from the world around me I was a walk man disc man guy like just give me music I'm putting headphones on so I can escape what's going around I had a lot of time by myself a lot of time like walking places by myself [01:13:32] Jordenelle: So following that so as I get older [01:13:35] Jacob: I got I never picked up [01:13:37] Jordenelle: I mean I picked up a guitar like kind of dingled around on it just myself but I was never in choir never in music classes orchestra any of these things but I just kept as life goes on following it I'm like oh okay I get older and I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do but the way I was able to quit my mill job was finally I was like [01:13:55] Jacob: Okay I gotta like take this leap and do school I was like I don't know what I want to do still I don't I don't know the answers but I do love music yeah and it feels right so I started going after it and then it teaches me all this audio stuff and now I'm an audio engineer now I have this podcast and just so essentially one thing after another just following this my love and allowing myself to say like you know what you do love music and that's so okay and there can be something there like maybe you haven't discovered it yet but you can search for it and I think just we also like when you make that step of quitting it's scary no doubt like it's like the stability right but the universe grants you like the seven fold like one thing that you leave one bad thing behind not bad but like something you it's making you miserable [01:14:42] Jacob: Doesn't match up with you and you when you cut that off your DNA like rewires right and it aligns and then you start doing with what you align with and then it's going to go bam, bam, bam, bam and you're going to meet people who support you and like yes, yes, yes, yes well the, the, the, the yeah it's so crazy well going down this chair just keeps sliding down but it's crazy like at first I feel like I didn't give it to myself like I would do the school and then I just felt like such a fool and I [01:15:09] Jordenelle: I feel like but that's ego right I know that there was this like falling period I'm not going to make enough no one's going to listen I'm not good enough no one cares what am I doing like what I need to like this isn't going to support me exactly yeah who put those thoughts in your head exactly that's not soul that's how you know soul is love fear is ego [01:15:31] Jordenelle: So if you're getting negative thoughts you can go okay and you don't have to dismiss your ego but you can say okay ego I hear you but where is my soul and then soul starts pouring in love most definitely and you can do love after I do affirmations every day I am enough say that and let yourself know I am an herbalist like I own a wellness center and you're demanding it we did for New Year's a couple of our friends and Shay and I we went down to we did vision boards yeah and I love you know and honestly I'm not kidding I have it as we're walking downstairs we leave our bedroom upstairs and it's on the wall I plan on moving it every few weeks because I don't want to get complacent about it but I honestly stop in the mornings and often at night before I'm going to bed and I look at it and I'm like I know these things are this is what I'm doing [01:16:18] Jordenelle: Yeah I don't know the timeline yet but like these are doesn't matter this is what's happening this is who I am this is what's and I think we talk my other friends and I we were talking more recently a lot about like a like a so church for example church a Sunday like a service we were talking about the importance of maybe trying to have like an every other every other week or twice a month or something having like a Sunday get together with our friends and reconnecting with these things like so kind of how we have our meditations that we every morning like I am I'm a good person I'm a this I'm an herbalist I'm a you know you reaffirm if you had like a weekly or bi-weekly thing even with your friends where you out wowed like community is everything this year [01:17:00] Jordenelle: So I like mentioning on this podcast because if any listeners have like oh I can do that with my friends like please do it yeah whatever pops into your brain right here if anything like if you're like I have a couple of friends who probably get together like twice a month let's just set six months aside and put it in the calendar right now you know and I um it's funny to say like because I'm hosting my first Full Moon Circle you are what tell me tell me about this so Holly my friend Holly she's like a astrologer she's amazing we've like wanted to do events forever and she just moved into this apartment and it has like a space so we rented the space and we're just hosting like a full moon event and we're going to be talking about like the moon and how it affects you and because like a lot of people don't know that the moon affects you like right yeah we see tides and we're like that's not connected like full moon new moon there's only a little bit of water in our body but we're 70 percent water the moon in the sky controls the tides like that affects your inner tide [01:17:53] Jordenelle: Okay right so the full moon is in Leo and it's all about the sacred solar chakra which is power I am enough and so we're just gonna it's like just a place for people to open up and just to connect on to allow time to just connect so I feel like so many people don't just allow time to like connect in a sober place because I quit drinking which I told you so much of my get-togethers [01:18:20] Jacob: So let's go grab a beer which is fine cool fun but I want to like tell me your dreams and visions and let's talk about it and how can you get there yeah and sometimes a bar it just doesn't open up that part of a conversation you know sometimes it doesn't I mean it's Portland bars you know I like to go to Portland bar it's so crafty and creative but I'm seeing like my friends just want to hang out like I feel like we just have to like we need to like create like I think I need to create a show and entertain all the time and like but it's like my friends just want to hang out like get coffee and hang out like it doesn't have to be like let's go with fucked up and rage and because like that's such a big part of my identity and like a lot of people that know me like I was always raging like since I was little like I've always been like party fun dancing like but you know when you just your friend just want to sit with you and be with you and just talk you know a lot of times like hanging out before you go to the bar [01:19:13] Jacob: At your house getting ready together yeah that's like the best part [01:19:16] Jordenelle: Yeah it's like we need more of that yeah that's super cool that what's it called the moon thing one more time what's it's just full moon it's just a full moon gathering it's just like a place to come and learn and Holly's like again really into astrology so she's going to talk about how this the astrology of this full moon and how it affects you personally and in general and then we're just going to kind of talk about how the full moon affects you in general and then we'll do like a little ritual and each everyone's going to get like a crystal which is related to the full moon and how to use crystals if you don't know anything about them you get to take it home and then I'll be doing like affirmations that you can take home and just a place for like people to come and connect [01:19:55] Jordenelle: Right you know what I mean it's so cool and it's you know like the way that I see like talking about my timeline like oh take a look at that it's cool to see like you know in five years whatever the equivalent of this little event you're doing like what could that be like maybe it's going to be this it's going to be 100 people maybe there's you know that's not how they said but like it's I know this is like ego or not but I have dreams where I'm talking in front of a lot of people with their hands up like not like it's like religious but it's like I feel like I meant I feel like I have this voice and this wisdom this internal book and like what's the point of keeping it in [01:20:33] Jacob: Right I feel like it's a disservice to the universe to not share like my knowledge I'm beginning to feel that way more and more I'm like I have to like I'm supposed to supposed to write this thing like yeah and maybe we don't get it but what I'm realizing is people are coming up to me and saying remember when you said this to me well I did it I'm like I don't remember saying that at all oh my gosh totally but I'm yes because you are planting the seeds [01:20:56] Jordenelle: Right you know you're people might not understand you when you're saying or you might not vibe with this podcast but you're hearing it your subconscious is hearing it and your subconscious vibes with it your ego might not vibe with it but something is hearing it and it's your subconscious doesn't forget [01:21:12] Jacob: Right that's what I notice a lot of my mother living with me a lot of this stuff I hit a lot of instant like I'll say something or she'll be for example this like she'll be walking in the kitchen as I'm listening to something while I'm cooking and she'll it'll like hit her she'll say something and she'll say something like uncomfortable or like a joke about it or like make fun of it or whatever and I like I let it go because in a couple days she'll come back yeah like she'll almost like I don't even I won't even be listening the same thing but she'll find a way to maybe like bring it up yeah bring it up and I'm like oh okay so you did kind of think about it like but at first you got to realize you're so right at first there is part of us we're like why I don't what the sign you know but if you just stay open to it and a lot of times it's working in the back of your mind for you well if you would have told me like four years ago that I wouldn't be drinking [01:22:01] Jordenelle: Right yeah right like that's such a big part of me but I just kind of like with not drinking like I just realized that it's not going to get me personally to where I want to go and I'm not one of those people that can just have one and I know that about myself so why even go there my partner's recovered my mom my dad like I'm breaking the trauma like my mom has nine years clean next month and it's like I want to be like that wonderful like I want to be like that like I don't I don't want a substance to control me because alcohol does like when I once I start I want more and I want it the next day and the next even if I'm hungover like I'm like oh when can I feel better to drink again and it's like this parasite inside my brain and it's like craving alcohol and it's like what really wants it though what don't I want to feel and same with smoking I'm like I've been a stoner for like 10 years but lately I quit smoking because I'm [01:22:53] Jacob: I was numbing it out marijuana [01:22:56] Jordenelle: I mean it's good for my anxiety yeah it's legal yeah it helps me sleep but it was excuse me it was numbing me out it was like it was like [01:23:03] Jacob: Yeah it's it does num me out definitely it does I mean I still smoke quite a bit too I'm trying to figure out like what this phase of my life is but why do we why what am I missing and then I just started to really and that's why I kind of quit coffee because I'm like I've never been cleaned from any substance I've always had a stimulant or we I'll I love to drink coffee and then smoke a bowl right I mean I do too but that's the thing is we don't really stop and say like oh like what am I without these things that like it like and that's where I'm at yeah and it's hard so how do you feel like you've been you've been not drinking and you decided you're like we're talking about earlier like I don't want to it's crazy because as soon as I said I didn't want to and I like put it on Instagram [01:23:46] Jordenelle: I wanted to right it's like the devil's advocate right it's like but I realized that I don't like I don't want to like what am I getting out of it what how much money have I spent how many nights don't I remember how many things have I done that I wouldn't have done sober I mean how many times have I like I'm like how am I alive sometimes like the situations I get myself into and I just realize I'm like I'm not leading by example I don't want someone to that's not who I want people to be like I don't encourage people to be like that I want people to be encouraged by positivity and self-love and stepping out of your comfort zone and just being you and when I was drinking or smoking it wasn't it was me but it wasn't like the person that I wanted to be [01:24:33] Jacob: Right and you knew that and you feel that next day you wake up and you feel I was getting sick after one beer I was hungover right I used to drink like a fifth and show like beer and wine and that mixed everything and like but I was getting sick after one beer [01:24:46] Jordenelle: Yeah it's like it's constant signals of like okay like this isn't benefiting you anymore soul and my temple was no more no more and like I smell bad you know you stink and like your hair and your skin your pores just leak different smells when you're drinking and I just didn't want to be that anymore I'm not saying I won't ever drink again because I mean like I can't control the future but it is my intention to not drink love it that's great [01:25:13] Jacob: Yeah I'm glad I I think a lot of people are age it's such a societal norm to drink like me I've been drinking since I was I think 14 same um yeah four locals like in the back of the car oh gosh with all the caffeine too yeah little did you know listener a four loco used to kill you yeah they still do I think but it is weird though you know we don't it's not like oh everybody who drinks is bad no that's exactly what I was gonna say it's sometimes you like we get thrown into our life like this light like we're doing this thing that everybody's been telling us to do we're following it's not like we're like being crappy people we're working during the week we're doing whatever we need to do and it's like you go enjoy yourself on the weekend [01:25:56] Jordenelle: But sometimes you gotta be like okay when I'm on my deathbed when I'm like okay I lived my life to the fullest because everybody wants that everybody wants to say like I've done the things I want to do in life I've had the best days ever drinking it's not that I disagree with it like it's fun but a lot of times we don't I feel like we lack the like do I want to do this right now like we yeah we lack being able to stop ourselves and be like I am kind of planning just for the next weekend aren't I or whatever it may be I think well that's another thing too is like we look so much forward to the weekends to get fucked up to not remember why are we looking forward to not remembering because we don't want to feel and we want to check the fuck out why are we looking forward to not remembering our lives because we're not happy [01:26:40] Jacob: I always say I like saying like when you're when it's late at night and you've already been drinking and you're like deciding to drink more or for me like when it would be cocaine when I'd be like oh I'm gonna do cocaine tonight I would always tell myself well you're gonna do that but you're making the choice to borrow some happiness from tomorrow really after like a lot of it a lot of the times a lot of our weekend drinking when it comes to like oh it's been literally every weekend this year I drink sometimes it's like what am I borrowing happiness from am I borrowing happiness like weekend by weekend from next year in my life you know not to mention of course you know for me personally I cannot drink without having a burrito afterwards [01:27:17] Jacob: I feel like I was just gonna say like I eat bad oh man it just it just comes with and then the next day I eat bad and like yeah because you're hung over and you justify why you should eat bad you're hung over and yeah I think taking a look at these things is super important and you know against it but it's just really like is that what you want or is it just so habitual to work the Monday through Friday and then go out Friday Saturday because you don't like your week right [01:27:43] Jacob: Right you know what I mean instead why don't you look like I can't wait to come home meditate and to just sit with myself and like read you know what I mean find different thing and I think a lot of it too is um people don't know what to do when they have free time they can't just be with themselves with their partner and just say I have so many friends that they're partners and they can't like be sober together and they're like dating they have to get drunk you know yeah a lot of relationships start from the bar and start from getting drunk together and that's how we've always been and that's how it is I don't want to be around them sober because I don't like them or I don't like myself wow yeah that's tough that's like a lot of partners they just drink and that's what they do well with mine my partner doesn't drink so I was drinking by myself I'm like this is dumb yeah but if you're like wait do I like this but if he was still drinking I can't say I would be done do you know what I mean he was almost like that catalyst where it's like why am I drinking by myself [01:28:36] Jacob: Yeah it's like him doing that kind of made you take a look at like do I want to do this yeah do I want to not do this yeah because he's over it like he spent all of his life you know using substances to numb it out and here I am still like drinking by myself at restaurants and he's not and like I just realized too like I was drinking so much because I wasn't in control [01:28:58] Jordenelle: And I could blame the alcohol for my actions [01:29:02] Jacob: Right I was really mean when I'm drunk right yeah like losing the control [01:29:07] Jordenelle: I think a lot of people you talk to a lot of people when it comes to alcohol and you get down to it a lot of times they'll say the sentence why I'm just a control person I feel like I hear that often I'm a control person because I say the same thing too right but uh I think a lot of alcohol sometimes [01:29:21] Jacob: For me it seemed like it would shut my mind down like I would use when I was working in a warehouse or I would come home and I'm like I'm just so like I can't sleep and I'm so like whatever and so it's depressing yeah and so you drink and yeah but it's uh it's a touchy subject because I know a lot of listeners still drink and nothing is wrong with that I'm just on a different path than a lot of people and I'm aware of that no doubt but the people that I look up to they don't drink that's also nothing like Buddha Gandhi Mother Teresa like the people that are my muses they don't they didn't drink and it's like I'm trying to walk in these not saying that I'm Buddha or Gandhi and Mother Teresa because I'm not by any means those are people that I look up to if that's a reference anybody just drew from what you just said they're insane like I'm not saying I am these people but these are the people that I look up to these are the people that I see when I'm meditating [01:30:09] Jordenelle: So it's like I want to embody that energy and these people weren't they aren't doing those kind of things and I want to be more like the people I look up to [01:30:20] Jacob: Right and they weren't drinking and I think that so many people again it's a touchy subject because like you think that you're being attacked you feel like you're like well I have my reason for blah and we all do and that's so okay like I am so everybody has their vices I've had mine I have mine [01:30:39] Jacob: I think like you know we all have to experience them in different things but I think the biggest thing is just having that moment like I was saying when I was driving in the car and I'm like oh I'm gonna take a left here and I'm gonna like I don't want to feel this anger this road rage so like when it comes time to like sometimes just breaking your habits of like you're planning on going to the bar on Friday or Saturday and like just this weekend don't go and maybe say like what do I actually want to do like what and if you think about it's like you know what I mean I love snowboarding I'm gonna go snowboarding or I love oh there's a conference for this computer program that I like in Portland I'm gonna go try that out like just follow your interests and follow what you're drawn to like so what I spend a lot of my free time is going to nurseries or going to pet stores or going to new parks or going to new places outside or going into like boutiques like because I like to see people's craft [01:31:31] Jacob: You know what I mean I like Portland is like my place like I love going into new stores and I love going into plant I love plants so but it also inspires me so doing these things is inspiring me and reminding me what I love it's like when I walk into a plant store I'm like I just went to pollen [01:31:49] Jordenelle: Yesterday flower store I'm like oh my gosh I love it isn't it so it's totally cute they deck out like the outside the paint of the outside the interior is always like based off of different all days it's just perfect yeah it's great but when you like something you follow that and it inspires you so do things that inspire you [01:32:09] Jacob: Like if you want to open a bar then yeah and keep going to bars like if that's like your dream you love beer and you want a brewery go for it but like if you want to do some and that's something I also want to encourage people you can do whatever you want to do it doesn't matter oh I've been working this job for 10 years a little bit it doesn't matter whatever you want to do you can stop and start and do it really it sucks in the beginning because you're like maybe not getting as much like I'm leaving paycheck to paycheck but I know that financial abundance is coming like it will happen if you're not terrified you're not having a miserable time no because you know what I was working as a nurse and I hated my life [01:32:43] Jordenelle: I was not happy I wasn't who I was not saying that like I just need to better protect myself like I'm applying to the hospital but it's like I know it's short term but I feel like what was happening is like I when I go into this job I'm like I was gonna be there for six months I was there for 10 so it's like I'm just like and I started to hate like the people I was helping and I was like resenting it and like if you start to feel like that I was like I need to quit because this isn't good for the people and so many nurses are burnt out and they can't recognize that and take that break for themselves yeah and they need to I mean nurses are definitely that's something like [01:33:18] Jacob: I feel like to be honest with Shaley [01:33:21] Jordenelle: I feel like more and more I'm always like trying to push her to like make sure you're taking care of yourself but we don't right and yeah you know but it's something that she's more and more and more aware of it and making sure she doesn't just like hold everybody's stuff all day and she puts it down when she gets home and it's important but I think a lot of us need to or a lot of us could benefit from seeing that like you know what I maybe I don't want to do that this time and I want to follow this other intuition [01:33:47] Jacob: Yeah and I just like to say like what did you want to do in your kid because yes really what did you want to do with your kid like you know I want to do this well you can do that like my boyfriend like oh my gosh you know like the squirrel suits that's literally what he wants to do [01:34:03] Jordenelle: So I'm like oh my I don't know how that's a career but let's go for it like let's start jumping out of playing like he literally like since he's little like he just wants to like jump out of shit like adrenaline right like that's what gets him alive like this mundane like he needs adrenaline yeah that's awesome part of being a drug addict and using heroin and everything you need that heart pounding so it's like he wants to do that I'm like I don't know how that's a career but let's go for it yeah follow it yeah and like you just start by jumping out planes and you just keep going like maybe you can instruct people how to jump out of planes I don't know but who am I to tell you that your dream is dumb that's another thing people like you can't do that [01:34:37] Jordenelle: Right why not sometimes I think that when it comes like dreams like we see a lot of we mix up a lot of like talent with dreams a lot of like oh well this person I saw a video of this person when they were six and they were singing so they've been born with that talent it's like you don't have to have like something that you were born with crazy talent it's just what did you love what did you enjoy what were you drawn to a hundred percent it's like it's not like how do I make this full-time career right this second it's like no it takes time yeah point yourself at it and start walking and just start doing it and like another thing I talk about Oprah always says soulful Sundays the most important thing you can give yourself is time and I know you have time to meditate two minutes a day [01:35:15] Jacob: I always tell people you don't have time how much are you on your phone what's your screen time yeah every time you check how you know what I mean like you have the time you're just not choosing to use the time for what you want because a lot of it is again lack of self love not feeling I don't deserve this time I don't deserve to do what I want to do because I'm not good enough or my parents you know that's how my and it's like this cycle and it's like it's really time to break free and to step into your power yes truly just yeah I feel like I don't know I feel like I just it feels right that's what I'm doing it feels and it feels right I feel like you are doing that you're like embodying it and you're going for it and you said you had 3,000 people listening already and you just started yeah no I just started well and it's this like you know [01:36:01] Jacob: I was serious about it of course but the podcast it wasn't like I'm gonna do a podcast and that's my destiny this sort of thing but it definitely feels very like whatever comes after this or whatever this leads to or even if I do a thousand episodes like it does feel very right feels very correct when I'm like editing the audio for that like doing it yeah I'm reminded I'm like oh okay like and honestly it helps me feel my own self-love like a lot of people you know sometimes it's so profound I'm like it even tears me up sometimes when I'm when I'm recording podcasts so they're telling me something very emotional if they're like they open up to me not only to me but on my podcast and on like they trust me to take what they have to say and I'm gonna hold it and present it in whatever way you know [01:36:45] Jordenelle: So it's things just start feeling right and I think believing that is possible it's definitely a self-love technique it's a knowing that you'll heal over time and waiting and being patient that I always like to talk about like Oprah was fired from her job fired from her job like Oprah right and she said it was the best thing that ever happened to her because she was not supposed to be there a lot of people we look up to their lives just didn't happen they had to work for it and they failed and they failed and they failed but they learned and they got back up and they did it better right a lot of people we like here and they're famous and all this it didn't just happen overnight [01:37:24] Jacob: I mean some people yeah their family is probably famous like the Kardashians but I mean like a lot of other people like they had to work for it and they all if you look at anyone they do affirmations they meditate they visualize all these people we look up to do this shit it's the secret the movie the secret the book the secret like it's not a secret like we have the power well because you can you can change your because if you dive into a lot of those you know the movie the secret like even on YouTube they have so many like motivational ones and they're so cool because when you start listening to them and you let it play and you just stay open to it starts making so much sense it really does it starts for me because I used to I would see those things and not know anything about them so I'd be like I don't know what the fuck a lot of attraction is I'm going to sit in order like not real yeah but not that I would like disbelieve it or you know like totally just [01:38:14] Jordenelle: Absolutely do my best to not believe it but I would just ignore it because I'm like that ain't me but when you just start learning about these things and listening to them and opening ears to them a little bit it's like huh it does help your beliefs but I wanted to read something because I kept going to this page and I know I don't know how long I don't know how time works I don't know how much more time you want no we're totally good as long as you want to keep going so it's called acceptance and I went to this page yesterday this book is called The Little Book of Inner Peace and it's if you let go a little you have a little piece if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace if you let go completely you will have complete peace that is so me I have I'm let go [01:38:55] Jordenelle: Let go like let go like I struggle with that a lot and it's something I'm working on all the time that's like my mantra like let go like I write it and like I draw it and I art because it's like I don't know holding on to an emotion or holding on to the idea of how I wanted something to go because I'm a planner and if it doesn't go my way like why is it crushing me oh my gosh yeah I find that even when I'll DJ like a small bar and I'm like oh this isn't going very well it's like dude this is just a small bar and these people like they're just having they're totally fine this isn't a detrimental but you put it on yourself and you're like I need to hold on to this shame or whatever comes at you yeah like I've said like my boyfriend's from Hawaii [01:39:33] Jordenelle: So I'm like a time Nazi like I have an internal clock that's so on point like I'm like it's 245 like any time of the day and he's like well I don't know maybe it's like one or noon and I'm like let's go like and he's always late but really it's always on time if you change your perception because we always are on time I'm like oh we're late we're late we're late and then it always happens so where we show up right on time as we needed to maybe it's not 12 o'clock 12 o'clock like people like but it's like on time for the energy on time for the traffic on time for whatever and the more and more I'm letting go of my constant need to control time and get in the car at 1055 because we need to leave right now because I map quested it and it takes 23 minutes to get there with traffic it's like whoa like let go [01:40:18] Jordenelle: Like it's okay to plan but it's also like it's a control thing and it's like that fear of the unknown and like just going with the flow sometimes is really hard for me yeah because I think that a lot of times we misinterpret what's really going on because like if you are rushing and you're irritated with yourself irritated with your partner you're late to this thing now like of course next time like try not to even let that be an option if that's really that important to you but a lot of this like you show up okay you're on time you're right on time but you're stressed out and you're not yourself no exactly and you're talking to a passenger yeah and it like it oh it like feels me up and to me I took it so personal like this so what's happening with me is we were sharing a car for a long time when we first got here and it was so hard to just let go of that and like I was so [01:41:10] Jacob: I have abandonment issues so what would happen after school is my mom would just sometimes not show up so it's like that sitting there on the sidewalk as a little kid waiting for someone who's never gonna come so what was happening is after work he wasn't there because I got off different times because I'm a nurse right so you never know when you're done charting or when you're done with the last medicine or last treatment someone dies hot you know you never know what time you're done so it's not like I'll be here at five o'clock every day it's kind of like I'm texting calling you this is when I'm off and you know he's not from here so if he's in Vancouver because he's exploring or like doing something and then I'm like I'm done he has to drive to come get me like a logical person who could say okay it's gonna take 25 minutes but that fear of no one showing up for me it was triggering me oh it came right back up and I was like screaming at him like how can you be late like [01:42:02] Jordenelle: But the thing is like it's the car would break down or he'd like he had to help some inside of the road there was all these things in the universe that kept making him late and he can see it he's like until you heal [01:42:16] Jacob: For me being late, it's gonna keep happening. And it was, once I just like accepted it, he was always on time and it never stopped. But once, but it was triggering this inner child moment [01:42:27] Jordenelle: Where I was like my mom abandoning me. And it was like deep heal, like a deep trauma [01:42:34] Jacob: That I didn't even realize I had of like someone showing up for me, you know? And then like something else I struggle with my relationship is every time we would fight I would just tell him to leave. Cause if in my mind, the way I grew up, if you loved me left, cause my mom would just go and leave. And to me, that's how I was showed love, you leave. So to me it's like, why are you here? You obviously don't love me cause you're here. So we try to push people away cause it's like if you have abandonment issues, it's like leave. If you love me leave, why are you here? And you're frustrated. Cause it's what love means to me. You need to make it to where it makes sense in my head. That's what I learned. But it's like now that you're here, you don't love me cause you're here. And it's like this messed up twisted abandonment issues that I had to rewire in my brain. And he was like, what, he's, I'm not leaving. Like what are you talking about? But I'm like being like a little child and throwing tantrums. And it's like, who is this? I thought I was meta, I was like Zen and peaceful. [01:43:32] Jacob: And then I'm like screaming and crying. Like I'm five, six, seven years old. [01:43:35] Jordenelle: Like it's just like uncontrollable. [01:43:37] Jacob: And he was like, whoa, it's so heavy. [01:43:41] Jordenelle: But it was like so healing because a normal relationship would be like, what the fuck? This girl is crazy and leaving, but he could see it as you have trauma to heal. [01:43:49] Jacob: And that's what we're doing for each other. [01:43:51] Jordenelle: And there's a button that I just accidentally pushed. Let's investigate. What is this? It's so cool that you're able to look at it, not only together and be like, where can we heal this? But just the fact that you're able to say now, like I don't want to act like that's not me. Like cause a lot of times we feel so much shame [01:44:06] Jacob: Behind our like outbursts are like, that we don't really want to deal with the fact that like, man, I was acting out of line. [01:44:13] Jordenelle: And I think maybe this is why. A lot of times we want to like, well, of course I was acting out of line. I had a bad day and I had this and blah, blah, and you're never on time and all these things. [01:44:22] Jacob: And we think that is like an answer. Like that's justification there. But it's, there's much more we can look at. I mean, you've been in a relationship for how long? Nine years. Yeah. So much communication. Oh my gosh, yeah. And it's always improving. Yeah. It's always changing. It's never ending. And I think another thing is we don't like to, oh, talk about my boyfriend and I fight. We fight. It's normal. It doesn't mean we're not in love, but it's not like fighting where it's like, we're being mean to each other and putting each other down. [01:44:49] Jordenelle: It's not that kind of like dirty fighting. [01:44:52] Jacob: Yeah. When people are like, they're like, here, I know something that you personally feel very uncomfortable about yourself. I'm gonna throw it at you. Like, I know you. I've seen those kind of fights. You know, I have friends that fight like that. I'm like, yeah, that's not right. That's not, that's, you know, that is there. It's toxic. It's very toxic. And I think just noticing like, okay, so if you're one of these people and that's happened to you and your anger gets the best of you and whatever, [01:45:14] Jordenelle: Like if now, right, this conversation is like, oh crap, maybe I do this. Triggering something? Yeah, and it does trigger something. That's something that's being pushed up on again. And you can, now when this happens again, you're gonna have this little sliver, I bet. That's gonna be like, hmm, maybe I don't have to react like that. I'm queen of talking about relationships. [01:45:30] Jacob: I think I love being in a relationship. It helps me grow. It's a mirror. I can learn more about, I love being in a relationship. [01:45:37] Jordenelle: It shows me where I need to grow. When you're by yourself, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but when you're living in a small quarter with someone, [01:45:44] Jacob: You're like, ooh. Because really like the person you're with should make you better. Or what's the point? To me, the whole point of our relationship is to love and help each other grow and grow individually, but together at the same time, kind of like a money tree, like this. You know, and have the same visions and encourage each other. And like, if your partner isn't doing that for you, like, I know this sounds like shitty, but it's like, what's the point? To me, in my relationship, if they're not making you grow or pushing you or supporting you and all they're doing is thinking your ideas are dumb and they're putting you down all the time, is that really like what you want? Cause I know so many women that are in shitty relationships [01:46:22] Jordenelle: With people who put them down. I hear some of the things that these men say to my friends and I'm like, oh. [01:46:28] Jacob: Yeah. Someone you love the most is putting you down the most. Like, oh God. Do you think that a lot of people like so- When you take the love you think you deserve, right? Oh yeah, that's a rough one too. That's definitely, I mean- But these men, I just don't even know if they know they're doing it or I don't know. I think a lot of it is, you know, not that it's okay. That doesn't matter if they make it okay, but I think a lot of our, when we make fun of people and the things that we say in the, you know- Well, men being feminine too and expressing their feelings is like taboo. I mean, yeah, my whole life has definitely been, I've been beat up by Rednecks growing up. I've always been, so like in Kelso for as far as, [01:47:10] Jordenelle: As far as what I was aware, [01:47:11] Jacob: I was probably too focused on myself, right? But like in high school, I was like, oh, I'm the first guy to wear the tight pants. I'm the first guy to try a red eyeliner and see who says anything about me. I'm the first guy to dye my hair pink. He sort of, like, I probably wasn't really, but- Even your mind. Right, but- But to feminine. Yeah, but you see how other people react. [01:47:30] Jordenelle: Or trigger. And they hate it and a lot of guys like, [01:47:35] Jacob: I say Rednecks, beat up by Rednecks. That's just a term that around here, a lot of people, you know, drive a Toyota, work in a lumber mill, you know, these sort of personality types. But a lot of times I would notice, it's not so much that they're trying to make fun of me [01:47:53] Jordenelle: As much as it's like an unawareness that they are making fun of me. They don't realize what they're saying. And it's also like they're scared that you can embrace your, like a feminine energy. Oh yeah. And when you see, when you are an alpha male and then an alpha male who's feminine walks into that room, [01:48:08] Jacob: You feel very shivery. Yeah, it's weird and it's crazy because like, same with females, like when females, like, I remember when like girls would wear like short skirts and that triggered me. Like who are, you know, when I was like in high school, like who are you to like dress like that? But really she's just like, she's comfortable in her body and she should be able to wear what she wants. And it doesn't- That doesn't affect you. Yeah, why doesn't it? But it triggers you because you're not open like that to do it yourself. For me, like, or, you know, people who are getting ready all the time or, you know, I'm like, oh, like, that's, you know, I don't get it, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. [01:48:41] Jordenelle: Like I don't care. It's just not me. But people who are like more feminine and like to do their eyelashes and their hair and their makeup, nothing's wrong with that. But like, I was like, I just never have been like that. But it doesn't matter. Yeah, you don't have an opinion on it. No. Even if you do it every day- Doesn't make me better or less. Yeah, you don't have to see other people as wearing makeup or not wearing makeup. No, I don't even see that anymore. It's just them being them. Yeah, I think we're like the more you, the more you like meditate and the more you, for me, it was definitely staying away from social media. You start to like realize that like the things that you held on to, like your judgments about other people, they float away to where like, you don't even remember that you had them at some point. Like you're just talking to someone and then I don't know, you wouldn't even notice something like if they're wearing a ton of makeup, you wouldn't notice that if you did before. No, and I just think like this area is super, [01:49:31] Jordenelle: I don't know, but like it's, I don't feel like a lot of people are truly stepping into their authenticity and being themselves because we mask it with a lot of things. Cause I feel like a lot of us do the same things every day. [01:49:42] Jacob: We go to the, there's like two bars or, you know, there's not a lot of do in this town or you know, we do this, [01:49:47] Jordenelle: We have the same friend group forever. And I feel like it's really uncomfortable for people to step out of that comfort zone and go explore and be by themselves and like meet new people or move. I mean, I moved to Hawaii and I'm back. [01:50:02] Jacob: Like something is here, you know, but I feel like I'm here to like help people in the area for some, I'm here for a reason. Like we all are, like we're here in this weird ass town for a reason, right? [01:50:13] Jordenelle: Yeah, it's funny cause like I, you know, you grow up and you have your opinions at different places. So like Redneck for example, that word would affiliate the town that I live in now, Castle Rock, I would affiliate as a younger kid, this town with Rednecks. Oh, there's Rednecks living up there. And then you grow up and you learn like, oh, that's just a couple of people that I saw that affiliated a whole town with it. [01:50:30] Jacob: Yeah, for sure. I think, you know, I, you know, traveling around for work and stuff throughout the years I was always, I wanted to get away from here. Like I was like, I wanna move out somewhere with the sunshine and now it's like, I just understand things differently and I'm like, I love it here. And there's, it's so interesting, like right in between Seattle and Portland. And the desert and the ocean and the mountains and the mountain, the forest. Right, and I, just the places that you can go, [01:50:57] Jordenelle: It's a spectacular place. [01:50:59] Jacob: We are literally in the most perfect place. Like we can literally go to Portland. We can go to like anywhere we want. It's cheap to fly out of Portland. Like it's the best airport in the country. [01:51:08] Jordenelle: Like we just have so much around us. And I think we just sometimes get stuck in our town. [01:51:15] Jacob: I'll notice, I'm like, when's the last time I left woodland? [01:51:18] Jordenelle: It's been a week. Like sometimes you get stuck and I need to go to Portland and reset and like feel that creative energy. We have so many different things that we can reset with here is the best thing. Like you can, if you want to go to waterfall, cool, an hour away, if you want to get the ocean, cool, an hour and 20 minutes away. If you want to go to the mountain, cool. 45 minutes, all these things. I think instead of doing the exact same things every weekend and keep doing these the same weekend and the same whatever, living over, try to, try to see what's around you. [01:51:42] Jacob: I mean, a lot of our listeners are probably people that I know for the most part. [01:51:45] Jordenelle: And I just want to say that like, I love everyone that I've met. Everyone that I partied with would do so much have helped me so many times. I see the creative and I see the light and like I think of Adrienne right away. Like I love Adrienne, I love you if you're listening. And like I think of, and always smiling, like I just think of so many people and like Bailey Keegan, like I just, there's so many people in this town that I just like love and they're just so full of light and just it's amazing how we all are here. And I feel like we're all here everywhere. Like there's a bunch of these towns that are like this. It's just that lack of connection. Like we don't get to see each other in like a sober way. That's why I want to create like a space where we can just like hang out and like talk. [01:52:24] Jordenelle: Well, I think that we have like this cool potential for this thing. Cause we know, like the names that you just said, like we know a lot of times we know so many different names from the parting, from the, whatever, like me for a good reason. But like it's a we party together for a reason. [01:52:37] Jacob: Yeah, we're all connected. And now it's like we have this thing where we can stay in touch. We don't have to like, we can be friends throughout life. Like we've got 40, 50 more years. Like I'm probably going to see you again, you know? And I can say, how are you? And you could say I'm good. And we, you can say I used to live this life and that's how we met. But now I live this different life and we're still friends and you can compare your life to each other. [01:53:22] Jordenelle: Inspires me daily. And like I've always loved him, always vibed with him. Like I'm so happy and stoked for what he's doing because he's such a catalyst in his story for our town. Like you can do it. And I see his stories all over the country. Like when he was saying like Hawaiian Arizona, I'm like, I see it. Like it's not even like, like he's planting the seeds and all our brains to be creative. I love what he's doing. Dude, you walk into a store and he plants a seed for sure. All of his guys do. And it's just like that, but it's in our town for a reason. Like we're just surrounded by these creative beings and not everyone stepped into it. [01:53:57] Jacob: Not everyone knows, but it's like nothing's random. [01:54:00] Jordenelle: Like we all have this intercosmic soul family web where we are friends with all of each other and web, web, web. We know this person, know this person. It's like we're all supposed to create this new world. It's so, it's, now I'm the one getting chills. It's so exciting. I just keep getting, it excites me to think like my mind, I think a lot of it is it's a rushing in of like thinking and giving myself a future because I had so many like, I'm going to end things sort of thoughts for so many years that like, I think of like, okay, here's my connections that I know all these people like think about the people you just named off. They're so awesome. And it's like, oh yeah, in like going forward in life, like we're going to have interactions and we're going to be able to build these things together and it's very exciting. [01:54:42] Jacob: Because they're good people. We are so blessed. Like, you know, yeah, there was like some minor drama, but like at the core, like those people would be there for you. No doubt. If you called them, like they would come. At least, I hope, at least I believe in my heart, but I just feel like those genuine like party connections like, yeah, we're all fucked up, but there's a reason we kept partying together [01:55:00] Jordenelle: All the time. Any house, this house, this house, who's here, you're here. I was at that party, you're at that party like swings, house, tires, like we were all at these same parties and it was like a reason we were all and all of us probably had trauma. Well, that's why we're drinking at 13, 14 years old. [01:55:14] Jacob: The amount of people that I mean, the serious probably crying conversations that I've had just at parties, like sometimes you just get a little drunk and you're talking with someone who just understands what you're saying. You get into it. I mean, did you grow up, excuse me, when you were like in high school, did you party in high school? I did. Yeah. Cause I like, it's super interesting. I'm 28. Okay, I'm 24, so it was like. Oh yeah. But yeah, still probably similar things like around here, like you, I don't know if it's different like California if they party at the beach or something, but we definitely go to like house parties. And it's a, you know, a lot of the, [01:55:48] Jordenelle: Like the amount of serious, wonderful, very smart conversations I've had at an outdoor glass table. [01:55:56] Jacob: Yeah. Like that outdoor glass table. Like in, it's cool. Like these are kind of like that. Yeah. I should get a glass table in here. That's just a full of mold. But you know, it's like those girls that always have like the bathroom, you know, the bathroom line story, the girls that meet people in the bathroom when they come best friends. It's so true though. Like I just feel like that's where I'm at now, but in a sober way, in a way that I just wanna like, I want you to just freaking go for your dreams. [01:56:20] Jordenelle: Like I just like, go for it. Like anyone that's listening, like just go for it. Because like you can do anything you want. And I just like, well, I see people, I'll question people. I'll be at a gas station, like what do you wanna do for a living? And they'll tell me and I'm like, why aren't you, go for it. And people don't get questioned enough. Question people in your life, what are you doing? Do you wanna do this? Why don't you change? Yes. I might bother them. I might trigger them. I'm like, do something. Yes. Why not? Tell people to do something. And be encouraging. Encourage people. Yeah, you wanna be rude about it, but like, I'm like, wake up. Like I just want everyone to like see how beautiful they really are. And like just see like how wonderful the world is. And like, sometimes like it's gonna be hard to do when you're not feeling good or depressed, but like, just like, if you can do that for someone else and it can come back and like just be compassionate always. That's like my main thing is like be compassionate. Like I had to write down my five values the other day and I was like, compassion is like my number one. [01:57:16] Jordenelle: Injustice, equality, love and empathy. [01:57:19] Jacob: So it's like, what are your five values and are you embodying those every single day? I think a lot of people don't even ask what their values are. I mean, I didn't for a very long time. Yeah. You didn't tell more until, you know, again like two years ago. Yeah. And now it's like my life is better like knowing that I, you know, maybe I'm still circling some of them, I think. But I think like solidifying them and allowing myself to have them is good values. [01:57:41] Jordenelle: I think it's just hard to be human but there's people around you that are going through the same thing. No doubt. And probably your neighbor, literally. [01:57:50] Jacob: Right. You think they're judging you for wearing pajama pants outside? They're just going through their own shit too. Yeah. And like I think to take things like lighter and to just be more kind and gentle with yourself and to not be so hard on yourself. Cause I'm so hard on myself. I write a to-do list every day and I put 50 things on it and I do four and I'm like, oh man, my days suck. But really it's like, it didn't. Right. I just have these high expectations and then when I don't meet them, I like am down and I'm like, but I did something. I wasn't just sitting all day and it's like, but I felt like I wasn't doing anything and I were like reflect and I'm like, what did I do? You know, but I wasn't just doing nothing. So it's like. You, yeah, you're working towards it. You see yourself as higher like, I know that I am capable one day or you know, something like, I'm going to do these things. I'm going to get all 12 things done but I did do four today and that's so great. Yeah. You know, like give it, the reflect is a great word. [01:58:37] Jordenelle: I think a lot of people, a lot of times we have so much momentum, so much forward movement in our lives that we don't give ourselves time to reflect. Like, I'm not, maybe I'm not living my dream right this day but like I did good today and that's, that's cool. Like give yourself that. Because I struggle with that like, oh, like, you know, for example, and think the crazy thing is like, I've been enrolled in herbal school for like almost a year [01:58:58] Jacob: But I can't, I have not done it. Why am I holding myself back? It's almost like I'm scared to step into my light. So like I don't feel deserving to be living my dream job. [01:59:10] Jordenelle: So that's where the deserving comes in. [01:59:12] Jacob: So it's like, yeah, I took that step and I'm paying for it every single month but why am I not taking the time to do it for myself? And it all stems from the lack of I don't deserve to do this or I'm not going to make enough money or what do I know or I'm not good enough. And it's crazy because it's like this constant battle [01:59:30] Jordenelle: Where herbal school is on my schedule is every single day but it's like, I'm not doing it. And that's like, I'm just need to do it. And I was like, we went to the hot springs the other day and I'm like, I want to go to naturopathic school and my way friend's like, you're not even doing the school you have now. He's like, why are you trying to add things to your play, add things to your play, add things to your play and then you're not even doing the things that are on your play. It becomes too much. You have too many options. But I like being like that. It's so weird. It's novelty, I think. Sometimes I feel like I'm so fascinated by fucking everything that I just want to be a professional in all the areas of it that I can somehow. Yeah, like my biggest thing, my biggest goals are to do a blog and have a YouTube channel. I don't know what it is exactly but I just know that I need to speak. [02:00:11] Jacob: I know with my Instagram, it's social media [02:00:15] Jordenelle: And when I quit doing it, because you struggle too with your mind and social media but to me, I get off and I'm like, oh, I feel good but then it's like, I need to speak because my videos, people are like, thank you. I needed to hear this. I'm feeling the same way. I can't tell you how many times I do videos and people are like, I have someone from Bulgaria that I've met, New Zealand, Australia, like all over the South Africa, women from all over the world finding me and they're like, I feel you 100%, thank you. [02:00:42] Jacob: Yeah, and how do they find you? Like, whatever happened in their life to stumble upon you is so sick. Seriously, these women, I'm like, and they're going through the same thing. They're feeling, I feel you all the way from here, like Bulgaria, Bulgaria, I'm like, what? And she's like, I feel like we're sisters and it's so crazy because I'm talking to these women and I have so much in common with them and they're across the world. But it's a collective shift and people are tuning into it and that's how I feel like my Instagram is like tuning into like my show. Yeah, I think you're, of course, if you feel yourself drawn into it, like take a step back but I think your Instagram is great. You should definitely keep going. I also, and we can talk about this afterwards too. [02:01:20] Jordenelle: So that's my plan. I have a YouTube channel and I have the podcast uploaded. I eventually want to have video episodes so that'll add to it but I also have a few, like sometimes I'll have pretty clear thoughts while I'm out hiking or something and I'm like, I'm gonna try to talk to the camera for 10 minutes. So I have a couple of those up there but my plan, I actually would like to start making like a weekly blog or a monthly blog something, writing myself. So we should maybe try to fuel each other on that. [02:01:45] Jacob: Maybe text each other every few weeks and be like, hey, how are you doing on that? We should- Well, it's crazy because it's like a collective shift. I'll get these crazy ideas and thoughts that just download into my brain and I'll talk to my partner and he's like, same. So it's crazy. I'm vegetarian and yesterday I ate meat. [02:02:00] Jordenelle: It's just so weird. But I was ashamed. [02:02:02] Jacob: I was like, cause I haven't eaten meat. How long has it been? Like I've been vegetarian for like three years. I've like, but yesterday I just like, I don't know why but like this piece of sausage, like it looks so good. I'm like, what the hell? Like I love animals. So I'm like, and then I talked to my boyfriend. I'm like, I have a confession. And I was like, he's like, what? I'm like, I had a piece of sausage. He's like, that's so weird. I had a chicken sandwich yesterday. He's vegetarian too. And I'm like- I'm like, it's- I wonder about that. Like, what is that? You know, like- I don't know. He's like, I didn't feel good. I only had blah, blah, blah. I'm like, he's like the only thing there was and like whatever and like, there was more food. But it's so weird. And it's just, I think when we label ourselves we get, feel ashamed. Like, I'm a vegetarian and I eat an animal. Like I'm a bad person. It's like, no, we make mistakes. But it's like, I obviously like, I'm like must be low on iron or something or maybe I'm not getting all what I need. [02:02:53] Jacob: Or maybe it's just a reminder of why I don't eat me because it doesn't make me feel good. Or, you know, sometimes we need those slip-ups to be reminded of why we're doing it in the first place. Right. Yeah, okay. So I wanna just to be conscious of your time. I want to, because you're talking about eating healthy. I feel like you have- I'm pretty plant-based. Yeah, I feel like you have some great advice. So I just, let's just take the last 15 minutes [02:03:15] Jordenelle: Or so here. And let's just talk about you being an herbalist and talk about- Not yet, but yeah. I just wanna, I feel like you have knowledge in the outdoors. And I'm so, I'm very intrigued by obviously anything diet-wise or like how things go into the body as far as nature. But I'm just very much, I haven't fully ex- [02:03:35] Jacob: You want me to tell you why I'm vegetarian? Cause I would love to. Yeah, let's do that, yes. So it all started when I was at summer camp. I'm like, I'm just gonna tell everyone I'm vegetarian even though I wasn't, but I'm prideful, right? So it was crazy cause 20 of the camp counts were vegetarian. So it was just like a vibe. And I was like, I'm just gonna say I'm vegetarian. And once I say that, I'm prideful, I'm not gonna eat meat. So that's how I was able to fully stick to it. If I was living on my own, I don't know how it would have transformed into me not eating meat. But since I was placed in a camp situation where I wasn't able to choose my food, but everyone else was looking at what I was eating cause I said I was vegetarian. So that's how I was able to fully embody like not eating meat and move to Hawaii and eat fish. So I haven't been full, okay, it's pescatarian, but I don't really eat fish anymore. But the reason I really, really chose to stop is because I look at a pig or a chicken or a cow [02:04:30] Jacob: With the same love that I do when I look at my partner [02:04:32] Jordenelle: Because it's, they're, they're alive. And they have, to me, I feel their energy and their soul and their heart beating. [02:04:41] Jacob: And like, I don't know, like, I don't feel like I'm any better than animals or bugs. I've never killed a bug. Like, this is just me. I'm very empathetic. And I just, I have dreams of like factory farms. And like, I just, you know, growing up around cows, like I, you know, I just couldn't imagine like killing and like, I see them on the, on the trucks and I cry. And I'm like, personally, I couldn't kill an animal. So I feel like I don't deserve to eat it for me. What was happening is I would be eating a hamburger and I was sad. I would start to cry. And I asked one of my spiritual teachers what's going on and she's like, well, you're taking on the fear of that animal. So think about how scared these animals are when they're dying, right? And then think about the people killing the animals. They don't like what they're doing for the most part. [02:05:26] Jordenelle: They're happy unhappy with their job. They're usually immigrants and they're low energy people killing the animal. And think about how long the animal's been dead. So you're eating like dead flesh and it just freaked me out and all the bugs in it. And then the, and then the colors in that. [02:05:38] Jacob: And then how long has it been dead? And you can watch any videos that'll just definitely, yeah. And nothing again. And that's another thing. People that's like vegan or die. I don't want, I don't believe in pushing it on people. It's super like, I believe in the blood type thing too, which is a different thing. But I just felt in my heart that I could do it without animals. And I just felt like I loved animals so much. And when I look at my cats, like other countries eat cats and I'm like, how could they eat a cat? How could they eat a dog? And it's like we eat everything. Right. It's just different. It's, it's so weird. I think that we're so disconnected from the way food is processed. Well, like I always talk about like we eat nuggets. You know, you're eating a chicken. You know, we change the names of the food. We're eating pepperoni, reading salami. What animal? I don't even know what animal I'm eating. I don't, I'm eating like meatloaf. Like what is like, you know, we're not really taught. We're not associated. So we as children, we don't associate the meat [02:06:30] Jordenelle: With the animal we're eating. We'll change it into something else because I guarantee you, like I told them, like if we have kids and they want to eat meat, they have to kill it themselves. And if they can't kill it, they don't get to eat it. Maybe that's crazy. But I'm like, because if you gave me that option as a kid. You just raised some savage who's out there just hunting. That's like whole day. Like we're going to grow a sociopath. He's like five just damn. I brought home this deer mom. He dragged it. We talked about that too, but I just feel like I can't kill it, so I don't deserve to eat it. And I so empathetic in my powers just grow daily that I was literally feeling the fear of these animals in my body. And I was scared and my anxiety was bad. And I have friends who are vegetarian and they go back to eating meat and their anxiety gets bad. And I also think about energy, right? [02:07:16] Jacob: So if you think that you're eating something that literally was alive and it's been dead, so you're eating something that's dead and you want to feel alive, explain that to me. Yeah. And so something else that's really interesting is so steak sits in your stomach for three days. So imagine like a 98 degree hot, went Washington day and you throw a steak on the sidewalk. How would it look and smell and feel? [02:07:39] Jordenelle: That's what's happening inside your stomach. And then it take, you'd think our intestines are really long, like football field long. And then this piece of meat is like dragging along in your intestine and it's like cutting off and it's breaking off and it stays in there. And we don't digest it very well. Animals who eat meat, their intestines are way shorter than ours. Like way shorter, like six, 10 feet shorter [02:08:02] Jacob: Than ours the way they absorb things. So they have to eat meat and they eat it raw too. They don't cook, you don't see cheetahs like cooking their meat on like a stove. [02:08:09] Jordenelle: Like we don't eat it raw. I'm just really into the raw thing where I feel better when I eat vegetables and fruit. I feel more alive, like the vibration. Like I can, I like simple ingredients. So I like to think like who farmed my food, the energy of my farmer. Like was it a happy farmer? Totally. Or is it someone at McDonald's who hates their life and they're putting hate into your food and then you're putting the energy into your body. I totally feel that, cause I think the same way. [02:08:38] Jacob: Yeah, I think that there's more of, you know, when you, so say you go to like a farmer's market down the road from your house or something, like you have this interaction with this person. You can see who grew your food, it's so crazy. And they tell you about it and they're like, oh yeah, my, you know, my family's owned a honey farm for my whole life and then there's some honey and whatever. And it's kind of what you're leaning towards creating. One of me, my family's are farmers, you know, Segao nurseries, Segao farms. Like that's how we started. But it's also just like being connected to your food. [02:09:04] Jordenelle: I am very passionate about that. [02:09:06] Jacob: Like, where's your food come? Oh, I get so crazy. Like when my QEs are from New Zealand, like how long ago was that picked? And then the process of getting here and just like I, one day I wanna like, that's why I love to why so much. Cause I'm eating like off the trees and it just feels so right. But when we're eating food that's been picked or dead for a while and you, it's hard to feel good with your food. You know, we're so disconnected from our food and the process. Yeah, I think another time people don't realize how draining their food is cause they don't really aren't in tune with their body. But like this morning, my boyfriend brought home cause he sometimes not very good. [02:09:44] Jordenelle: He brought home like, I love potatoes. He brought home a hash brown and I ate it and I instantly felt sick and I had to go meditate and like do a tarot and like, I went and bought a juice to like make up for it. Cause I like felt like greasy and like low energy [02:09:55] Jacob: And like, I don't eat McDonald's. Like I don't like McDonald's. Like why did I do that, you know? Yeah. I think exploring what your body feels like. So when you first started, when you're like, okay, like this is obviously affecting me eating this meat. When you started switching to just, just whatever you went to. What was that? Like, do you remember those first couple of months? Was there like mental cognition increase? It's hard because like I like quick fast food. Like I liked fast food. Like I used to freaking go to Taco Bell McDonald's in one drive through setting. Like, I love Taco Bell. Yeah, same. I like ate Taco Bell the other day. I just like get no cheese or meat. Not that it's the best, but I just feel like, I mean, it's a vibe. Like another thing I want to care, like stress is consumers control, like since there's almond milk, the dairy consumption has gone down so much. Like dairy farms are getting shut down all over the country because we don't need it as much because consumers control it. So it's like, another thing I'm really passionate about is we're cutting down acres of the Amazon to graze more cow. [02:10:52] Jacob: So that's another thing. It's the environment. And then I also think how many gallons of fresh water are we wasting on these livestock? The fresh water crisis don't even get me started on. Well, we also soil only has so many year, like you can't, if you just keep digging up the same farm every year. Well, that's why they have to keep grazing and cutting down more and more forest, old forest, forest that has been there longer than we can think to graze more animals for a temporary satisfaction doesn't vibe with me. And for what I, like when I wrote out my mission goal and like my life statement, my purpose and why I'm here is to save the planet. So to me, saving the planet starts with what I put into my body and consumer. And, you know, once I started going vegan, I was like, oh my God, there's feathers in my blanket. How'd they get here? And my mom goes, they pluck them from ducks alive. And I just think about like the, like we don't think [02:11:41] Jordenelle: About it. And we disconnect ourselves from those things. Yeah. And like, I just like, oh my gosh. Like I wanted, and like there's leather and like everything and like I just, well, what was happening though is I was getting so crazy. Like every, we were on a road trip and I was like in Vegas and I was like crying because of just like, you can see the consumption and like the resources. And I'm just like, people just don't see it and it's not their fault. But like, I like tear up thinking about it. It's just like, we are draining the earth so hard [02:12:07] Jacob: And all she does is like love us. Right. I think that the important thing though [02:12:12] Jordenelle: Is you see it and other people's don't. And that's not so much of like, they're all bad. [02:12:17] Jacob: It's like, okay, I see it. So like, I gotta, I guess teach them, you know? [02:12:21] Jordenelle: And that's what seems to be here doing. [02:12:22] Jacob: I mean, like if you think of like indigenous people they worship the ground. They stomped on the ground. They worship the sun. They pray to the water like. [02:12:30] Jordenelle: Do you, do you have speaking of, I just wanna touch on that because like you probably have good, I'm big on grounding for me. It's like, so when I get off a plane, I get home and I'm like, I go in the back. Of course I love to have a joint of company with it but take off my shoes and I'll stomp around. All, all, if I feel like doing yoga and just rolling around in my grasp. [02:12:47] Jacob: You know the science behind that? Yeah, I do a little bit, but I'd love for you to. [02:12:51] Jordenelle: So the way that works is you, there's free ions in the earth energy on the ground [02:12:56] Jacob: And it's like there's abundant amounts. So when you are on balance, there's something, the free ions, you have shockers on the bottom of your feet and sometimes they can get clogged or not ground. When you start to walk on the grass, they start to open up and then these free ions literally enter through the bottom of your feet and ground you and connect you. Yes. You'll notice you're grounded. People who can't stand on both feet are like kind of on one foot, other foot, like me. You're not, both feet are on the ground, it means you're ungrounded. You can see that all the time or if you're leaning one way or leaning the other or your feet don't touch the ground or you're ungrounded. And being ungrounded is something I'm working on every day [02:13:32] Jordenelle: Because I'm really ungrounded. Right, okay, so what's your technique for grounding? [02:13:36] Jacob: Mine is definitely just walking around like. [02:13:38] Jordenelle: Well, like same thing, like definitely walking outside, definitely like grounding meditation. So like an easy way to ground is like think of a root coming from like the bottom of your like sit bone and like put it deep into the earth and it just everything like releases and releases and releases and then take up earth energy [02:13:55] Jacob: And bring it up, you know, out through your head, connect with the sky and then bring it back and create like this chronic like in and out [02:14:02] Jordenelle: And flux of energy. [02:14:04] Jacob: Yeah, yeah, it's like one continuous thing. Even though you can't see it, like you can envision it and it's happening, you know? [02:14:10] Jordenelle: People like, oh, I don't see auras. I have a lot of friends who see auras and that's their gift, I have different gifts. You know, I wanna see aura, I wanna see energy just cause you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. [02:14:19] Jacob: You know, I think of dogs hear sounds, we don't hear it doesn't mean the sound isn't there. We just can't hear it cause we're not in that frequency. [02:14:27] Jordenelle: Same with energy, it's the same thing. And I think, I think a lot of visualization tunes us into, you know, almost like a tricking of your brain, like a lot, for me, a lot of feeling these things and like connecting with them is following guided meditations. And like in so, so guided meditations, for example, they'll tell me, I just recently listened to one that just said the same thing you did. Imagine a root coming from, you know, your root chakra, your butt rather, you push it through the ground and through these things, like through the meditation, I follow it, I give into it, I, they say, [02:14:59] Jacob: Envision your roots going through the ground and feeling the dirt and you feel that. And you say, what would it be like in my head? What would it be like right now if I did have roots coming out of my body and just grabbing into the earth? Yeah. Well, I know, and that's the thing is if you believe it and you allow yourself to feel it, [02:15:15] Jordenelle: It's profoundly healing, you know, a lot of these, [02:15:18] Jacob: I don't know, I always just think of like that person who sits down and they hear that, like imagine a root going through the ground and the person's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I always like bringing that up because I used to be one of those people, I feel like. Yeah. Another thing, sorry, I know we're really getting close, but like those of you who say you can't meditate are the ones who need to meditate the most. I'm so, I love, yeah, I repeat that again. Those who say they can't meditate are the ones who need to meditate the most. What advice do you have for those people? [02:15:45] Jordenelle: I think that when you start, you're gonna hear a lot of thoughts and it's okay, you don't have to be an expert. Like when I first started, I literally was like, nope, turn off, I can't sit still with my thoughts, but I can be on my phone for hours mindlessly. I started with Headspace, it's a great free app. There's a 10 minute guided one and just, I also recommend doing the same meditation every day. So, because you start to get ready for the words and the music sounds the same and like, it's like a two minute, there's two minute ones on YouTube. And what you learn is you start to listen to it and your brain is a muscle and you're training it so you hear that music and you're like, I know what to do, time to relax. And you grow and you grow and you grow and you grow and eventually you can do it longer and you do it longer and you do it longer and it just happens, it doesn't happen overnight. You can, I'm gonna do an hour meditation today. No, if you don't meditate, please don't do that [02:16:36] Jordenelle: Because you're just gonna get frustrated and fail. Yeah, you're gonna see it as this giant staircase and I'm gonna wanna take another step tomorrow. I have a Facebook right back created called Love and Light and I'm just like, literally, here's a two minute meditation. Beauty. You can do it when you get home from driving from work. [02:16:52] Jacob: That's enough to reset you. I mean, you could feel, two minutes of closing your eyes and connecting with something that feels real and feels soft and comfortable. And if you don't like people talking at you, I listen to whale sounds a lot. Hell yeah, whale sounds, I'm all down for whale sounds. [02:17:05] Jordenelle: Or like the Amazon rainforest or anything natural, doesn't always have to be guided. If you just need to be sit, you can listen to nature sounds or something, whatever floats your boat. Or if it's instrumental, I also love Mozart and piano [02:17:18] Jacob: And that kind of stuff too. So it's whatever you can do to quiet it. We totally listened to a lot of the same stuff because a week ago, I was listening to whale sounds for a while. Yeah, we were like, what the hell am I listening to whales? It's an option on Spotify. How can you not click on it? I was like, I saw it, I was like, what? [02:17:32] Jordenelle: Well, I dream of whales a lot. So I just felt like, yeah, I felt super. [02:17:35] Jacob: I don't think that I do. Yeah, I dream about being underwater a lot and like breathing underwater. Like I'm like living in the ocean a lot. Really? So I actually have a, it's weird. [02:17:45] Jordenelle: I don't know if it's fear. So I have a little bit of fear of water. [02:17:50] Jacob: Yeah, me too. I think I had a moment. [02:17:51] Jordenelle: I think I had like a traumatizing experience. [02:17:53] Jacob: Like tubing when I was younger. Right. Hey, maybe that's what it was. But I do, I feel also a drawing, a connection to water. I feel like- Well, I'm past love water. Really? Yeah. Okay, because when I go, so Cold Water Lake, for example, is one of my favorite places is, and you know what I read yesterday? Actually, I had no idea it wasn't there [02:18:11] Jordenelle: Before 1980 when the volcano. [02:18:13] Jacob: Yeah, it's a new lake. Yeah, I had no idea. But I feel very, you go there and there's a scare, but there's also this like connection to the water. It's like a little scary and dark, but- But your fears are like, I have the fear of like, I'm in the lagoon and something's gonna pull me down. [02:18:27] Jordenelle: And like, that's irrational. [02:18:29] Jacob: But I feel like it, I'm like, oh, like what's down there? You know, you're like swimming faster and it's like, what is that? It's irrational and you just like, Yeah. I've got fear go. I'm like, what is that? [02:18:51] Jordenelle: Honey! It feels like we're in water. [02:18:59] Jacob: What's this? It says something you bring to town at the same time. fear like has been holding me back from like reaching my full potential. And I think for me like it's truly scary to like step into the light because a lot of people aren't there or doing it and whom I am 24 year old like from the small town but we are like magnificent beings and like we all have this in us. It's just everyone's at different stages of it. [02:19:24] Jordenelle: Absolutely. I mean, I think you're magnificent and I feel like being able to like the fact that I had no you and I can have you on my podcast and this is like what's creating itself and it's just a wonderful thing. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it and like just creating this space to have like conversations and I feel like your intentions are so pure and it really like shines through. And I think that's why you are, the listeners are growing because they can like feel it. You don't have like this interior motive to make all this money, which is nothing wrong with that but I can feel like your intentions like shine through [02:19:37] Jacob: And the listeners can like feel that. It's like for them, you know, but it's for you with the same time and it's like to help people at the same time. It is. And it honestly feels it's very fulfilling and it just feels right. Like I don't know much more than that. It just feels super right and it feels good. I enjoy doing it and I know whatever is going to come from it is going to be what I need to do. You know? It's just so obvious. So let's just round about shout out your Instagram. Let's make sure everybody knows where to find you. You're a wonderful person to follow on Instagram and that's for sure. And then in the future, you can also work on YouTube channel. [02:20:30] Jordenelle: Yes. More stuff. We can even have more podcast episodes. That would be great. Yeah, I would love to. It's celestial gypsy witch. But I guess we can probably post it on your page underneath or something. Definitely. But yeah, I feel just super honored to be here but I just really want, if you're still listening to this, like to realize like you are here for a reason and I think you aren't probably told that enough. I really feel like that. People aren't told that enough that you are here for a reason and you are needed and you are loved. You are needed, you are loved and you are here for a reason listener. Absolutely, I agree with you. It was such a great conversation. Yeah, thank you so much. [02:21:06] Jacob: Thank you. Have a good rest of your day listeners. Drink some water, take care of yourself.