Episode 028 with Yanis 'Kanideis' Pisarchuk

[00:00:06] Intro: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love my friends today's recommendation before the podcast gets going is in the form of a book the author today is Emily Fletcher her name's Emily Fletcher and the name of her book is Stress Less Accomplish More meditation for extraordinary performance I read this one I think it's a pretty good it's pretty cut-and-dry it's a little wordy on the title but it's a pretty condensed version of meditation it'll get you to at least feel something

[00:01:06] Yanis: So if you've never really felt anything in meditation you sit down you're like well that's that was fun cool enjoyable did 110 minutes now what you don't feel nothing I think that this is a good one to get you to go oh okay I feel I see

[00:01:17] Jacob: What's possible so feel free to check her out of course on YouTube as well she has some guided meditations on there as well check out that book Stress Less Accomplish More Emily Fletcher let's get going with the podcast we got Yanis it's a great combo take care of yourself subscribe follow share with your friends like all that stuff certainly helps let's go hey man I just want to start this off I'm gonna point out this thing right here Shane Lee bought me this other the Beautiful Minds inspire others I really like the phrase Beautiful Minds it's like floats around a lot and Jon Bellion and obviously Beautiful Mind I have it tattooed on the back of my neck was that a song or an album it's just kind of like their thing like they're like he like says it a couple times like Oh ad-lib it in his songs I think that it's from a movie called Beautiful Minds about John - duh so I think that he is Schizophrenic okay and he was a Professor MIT Harvard one of these I haven't watch them for a while but essentially super-smart but he was

[00:02:28] Yanis: Schizophrenic and the movies called

[00:02:31] Jacob: Beautiful Minds is basically about like how he's still like valuable you know he

[00:02:35] Yanis: Has like his issues he has his craziness he has its differences but he's still valuable and um it's a great movie she definitely minds but so I want to start out with that because I feel like our conversations are always wonderful and you definitely have a Beautiful Mind my friend I appreciate that and I was very excited to actually come here because it's not often that you sit back and you're like I'm gonna go somewhere and I'm gonna have a very in-depth conversation right now about lord knows what and the thing is like I don't care where the conversation goes I know wherever it goes I'm gonna leave enlightened I'm gonna leave in a completely different standpoint and I feel like that's the that's like the epitome of a Beautiful Mind is understanding that every situation you get into is an opportunity to be enlightened in a very new manner and that's why a man was such a beautiful mind has a reminder right there we were two men Beautiful Minds ready to learn some new things man we can say **** on here right cheers to that **** yeah we can cool **** yeah all right okay

[00:03:38] Jacob: Okay so but we are going to dive into

[00:03:41] Yanis: The exploration we're gonna we're gonna go into wherever it takes us for sure but I do want to get a little bit about you my friends you want to uh you want

[00:03:50] Jacob: To tell the listeners how you got your Beautiful Mind like maybe a little bit of your creator side a little bit of what you do and how you got inspired to

[00:03:59] Yanis: Start doing what you do we're having a good time oh yeah so I'm kinetise the name itself we'll talk about later where it came from it's kind of important but I make music my main goal in life is to create a platform where not only I have the opportunity to say everything I want I have an opportunity to change people's minds with what I say so

[00:04:25] Jacob: Like this I the way I think has always been from a very young age I look back and I don't feel like I ever had a huge mine shift in my life I feel like for some reason I was

[00:04:37] Yanis: Born in a way that I could consistently understand a lot more than I should understand at that point and the getting into the music was almost like this is something that I need to do because it's my only option it's like it's the only way that I can live the life that I want to live and that's a position of having a platform so I can say everything that the world is scared to say like a language that you felt that you could understand exactly it was it was just something that I consistently knew that there's something people can't don't notice that has always been at the back of my mind always aimed and that's why I got any music and I started writing really emotional music um my first two

[00:05:23] Jacob: Albums were sad boy season all around in

[00:05:27] Yanis: At this point I've gotten into a point in my life where I'm a lot more comfortable with the understanding that I've always had of this way of thinking and that it's worked out for me for a reason so it lost my train of thought more uh more or less yeah so I just got to a point where I understood that music is the way that

[00:05:55] Jacob: I can get everything that I want achieve

[00:05:59] Yanis: Everything that I want and just I guess breed the excellence that I've always wanted to see out of myself the I've been making music for let's say

[00:06:09] Jacob: At this point my first ever album came out in 2014 that was a very sad EP that I put out mainly because it was my first EP that's why I was sad it wasn't like cry sad it was like cringe sad you know I mean it's still online you can find it's called serendipity

[00:06:31] Yanis: The perfect mistake so that came out

[00:06:36] Jacob: Then in 2000 19:16 i put out another album that one was called past chasers which that one I'm very proud of I put a lot of money into which a lot of people don't realize that if you can't do it yourself you got to put down a lot of money to get it done right so I spend a lot of money on

[00:06:58] Yanis: That album pass chasers came out and I mean it's done pretty good we're working on putting on a movie for it and listening to all those songs you really get to understand who I am and what kind of the thing that I think about consistently and I always have very emotional music it's always really fun and getting to just like the past stuff that I wrote just because like I could see where I was at that point and I can feel that emotional over again mm-hmm there's so powerful to be able to do that and right now we're working on a little bit of a new drop style I'm putting out singles as opposed to albums just because you know Russ's idea we're put out a song week every single week until you make it obviously I'm not gonna do that but hey I don't know I as a Russ fan I dude I was I'm just gonna

[00:07:49] Jacob: Say I caught him back on Soundcloud days

[00:07:51] Yanis: I got into impossible bro like every Friday it's like I knew there was gonna be a new arrest record every Tuesday or whatever the **** it was I was listening when he was coming oh I loved his **** I caught him it wasn't right at the very beginning I wasn't like one of the og fans but like he had started doing that though and I caught on to the wave and I loved every song that he put out and it got to be this thing where it's like I'm listening to his old **** during the week but like he stays fresh when there's a new song every week to listen to so it was good dude I love that's a good idea that's a that's a good in it's good to stay to stay afloat and stay true to yourself you know it's like okay I got a goal that makes sense in this physical world it makes sense out here it makes sense money-wise makes sense fanbase wise but

[00:08:34] Jacob: It also keeps me true keeps me not lazy it keeps me working on my **** you know so even if it's not a beat a week or a song a week like just keeping that consistency of working on it and putting **** out yeah and that's kind of the thing that rusts figured out before a lot of other people did out at the beginning it really matters more about quantity than it does about quality is important because you don't want to look back at your catalog later and be like this is all the wackest thing I've ever done in my life you more or less you want to create good music but you need to put out a lot because someone's gonna listen to one good song that you put out what do they do from there where are they gonna go from there they won't check the other **** out exactly so that's why I need to create a catalogue of a lot more music so I'm gonna be moving from the album to album stand

[00:09:23] Jacob: Point to a single - single stand point so that's gonna be a lot of fun that's the journey that I'm on right now we're doing a lot of shows lately since we got the whole team together I'm on halflife

[00:09:34] Yanis: Entertainment with Ryan Reed max V pain which max B pain was on here I believe two weeks ago or something like that

[00:09:40] Jacob: Absolutely his it'll be okay soon and

[00:09:43] Yanis: Then I believe that Ryan's gonna try to

[00:09:46] Jacob: Finish the schedule no he's already booked I forget exactly what day but I think he said the 19th 16 yes so the whole team's gonna roll through here so it's gonna be really awesome for everyone to hear how different we are yeah but dude I that's why I love having you guys on here because you guys you guys think big picture so you're not just trying to like capture yourself into one little lane or like let's try to ride this little wave of this thing like you guys always have been doing this you guys consistently been doing this you guys consistently put your heart and soul into it like I've been to practices I beat for you guys a couple times I been to the shows you when you guys think when you're thinking about a song you're also thinking about the music video and what you guys can be doing live and what's the crowd do it while you're doing that life and what's the what's the listener thinking about us he's here in this part of the song you want it your storytellers is what you are absolutely and I just enjoy

[00:10:44] Yanis: Your storytelling and I think that storytelling is important I think storytelling is a form of leadership that is or it really is in with

[00:10:55] Jacob: Our thing it's like at this point I'm also working on a it's more or less I kind of want to call it a full-length movie kind of want to desperately call it a full-length movie because the last put out past chasers I'm making a whole story behind it we're gonna put out a full production of me and we got an

[00:11:14] Yanis: Amazing actress who decided to pull off on moving to LA just so we can get this movie shot and it's gonna be music videos Connect interconnected storyline more or less so and that's kind of thing

[00:11:28] Jacob: Like you said we while we're making the song we're thinking about what the video is gonna be and it's just because we know that we live in such a world that you need the auditory you need the visual you need the feeling you everything and so that's why if you

[00:11:43] Yanis: Don't dip into literally every avenue

[00:11:45] Jacob: You are not giving yourself the full the full opportunity to be everything that you can be because if you're missing out on YouTube monetization if you're

[00:11:55] Yanis: Missing out on Facebook Instagram monetization right now the biggest thing ever is tick tock and it's breakin my heart because I really don't want to get on there but I know I have to because you need to you need to be everywhere and so these are these are kind of things that we're thinking about because it comes down to longevity I know I'm not ready to be in Hollywood

[00:12:14] Jacob: Right now or like in the big picture right now I know I'm very happy that it's taken me this long to get where I am because when I get what I where I

[00:12:23] Yanis: Want to get I'm gonna be ready for it because a lot of people are too excited and that work everyone's too excited to just get there but the problem is when you get there are you gonna be ready for it yeah bro we're just I'm went down the driveway where shoot some hoops we're just like bro like if somebody hands you a million dollars like you're just gonna blow it like you don't know what to do with the million dollars right now you ain't ready with ready for it exactly you gotta be you gotta you gotta build up the man that's ready to handle the

[00:12:47] Jacob: Situations you think you're so ready for that's it when you when you make a million as opposed to are giving a million you thought you know a better what you have a better chance of keeping

[00:13:00] Yanis: And fulfill or creating more out of that million now if you come up on a million because of the lottery you're probably gonna blow it on a bunch of dumb **** right that's the point it's like if you get it too easily you're gonna squander your opportunities and we see a lot of artists in like big times like what they made it as younger kids we would see they would be put in the spotlight when they made mistakes and that's not something that I want ever I like I'm the type of person that I don't want anybody knowing you need any me doing anything stupid because I don't do anything stupid I avoid it at all cost because I know that everything that I do is gonna affect me it's gonna affect somebody else it's gonna affect people's

[00:13:44] Jacob: Understanding of my vision and my brain right so it's really yeah so it whoa it

[00:13:57] Yanis: Comes down to building yourself up to

[00:14:05] Jacob: It comes down to building yourself up to

[00:14:07] Yanis: Be the person that is ready for the

[00:14:10] Jacob: Things that you know you deserve anything you've got to be willing to

[00:14:15] Yanis: Make sacrifices and in some times you know a lot of a lot of young people have to deal with **** in the light of day I'm good you on that like I mean like there's a lot of like III no doubt like seventeen year old kids like a little pump and **** like I no doubt judge them and it's like man like I would hate if the **** that I was doing I was being such a **** boy at that age like and older man like that would hate if all my **** was just blasted to the world it'd be so much harder to deal with like I think not only I would probably attack back you know in like some sort of weird Donald Trump like **** egotistical thing sorry yeah but like I don't know bro it's it seems

[00:14:57] Yanis: A little weird to like have your shift last night I think I totally get what you mean like you wanna you want to just be like still working like you are very understanding of the work that it takes to put in all you boys in half of it and you guys are always working you know always like you got your head down like it you're not trying to be loud at times when you're not trying to be loud you're trying to learn through your mistakes in private and trying to deal with things and not have to make it more difficult to deal with it's a weird world that we live in have to deal with **** like in public you know I feel like what a lot of people do fail at in this industry in a lot of industries is

[00:15:28] Jacob: Trying to create a trying to create their to gain a fast fanbase before they even

[00:15:37] Yanis: Know their own brand hmm and that's one thing that like the team has been pushing on me lately is rough I guess curating more to show everybody what my brand is and that's the thing we we all we're all pushing so hard to get the same exact thing and that's why we are all able to push back and sit back and be like hey this is something that you're falling short on this is some things that people don't even know about so let's go ahead and fix this before it

[00:16:05] Jacob: Becomes something that's gonna be a problem and so if you're like you said

[00:16:10] Yanis: Pump on all the younger generation that's going in and then they're making all these mistakes all it's all blasted all over the place and you yourself

[00:16:19] Jacob: You're like I could judge them but I know that I've done some really stupid stuff and if I would have been in their position at that time I probably would have gotten caught too and so it was it's really been great to learn how to do what I want to do and how to keep my nose clean right because when you get out there if and when I am presented with the opportunity to do something big it's gonna be I'm not gonna make a fool out of myself right yeah you would be ready for it responsible like we went on tonight with Cassidy recently I'm kind of shy now cloud sorry yeah we don't know hey hit me up and tell me about the story there with Cassidy uh it's KGW I remember I'm on my Facebook mo socials a lot of times I don't do too much growing so meet me as a new listener gotcha so uh the last show that we did during the Christmas season we did a benefit show which I'm pretty sure max

[00:17:16] Yanis: Talked about it was it was benefit show

[00:17:18] Jacob: Where we basically every all the

[00:17:21] Yanis: Proceeds went directly to Target and

[00:17:24] Jacob: Burlington Coat Factory and we went and

[00:17:27] Yanis: We just bawled out on like 2,000 dollars worth of toys and we took it to this we took it to a spot this foster care help spot and so that was one of the things that we were able to do with like with the power of our music and before the show I feel like it may be a good reason why we made so much money off of this show is because we had a connection with a really awesome person from culture which is a Mediterranean restaurant out in Portland and she got us connected with

[00:17:57] Jacob: KGW tonight with Cassidy and so we were

[00:18:00] Yanis: Able to go onto the actual show into

[00:18:04] Jacob: Their studio right where they sit by the nor the newscasters sit and everything max Ryan all of them got pictures taken I was just like at that point I was going through my hair transition phase because I've been trying to grow my hair out I was going through my hair

[00:18:21] Yanis: Transition to fail you see I'm trying to go full Samson and ro I'm a sample you saying man is bringing up later in your life for sure because I feel it's beautiful you really find out how much you don't like people when you start growing your hair no it looks terrible but we're starting just shut up gosh but yeah so tonight with Cassidy we were on there and they kind of just talked about the opportunity that we have to do the show for the kids the foster kids that we were able to do boxes of love that's what it was that was a company that we gave the toys to and she kind of

[00:19:02] Jacob: Shattered the team out we were even able to get rage for the Cure I don't know if maybe that was one of them that you was that the one that you DJed for you do I never remember the names max and I had this same debacle I was like yeah I did that one you think you know I don't know okay and I've done a couple yeah so the rage for the cure max was able to make a really cool video out of it and they played it on live television on like the

[00:19:26] Yanis: Woods 8 o'clock 7 o'clock news so in your ideas as a musician not either exactly it was a so these are things that we because the second that we decided like this might sound a little like selfish I don't want it to come off that way in any way shape or form but the second that we decided to stop taking money for ourselves from these shows is a second that the opportunities grew and we started making a lot more money and able to put it back into the community so the less money we took for ourselves the more of a name we made for ourselves the more people started to get to know some more people showed up to our shows and it turned into a powerful weapon that like we're not doing this for ourselves we're doing we're using the power we have to do good for the community right and that just blasted us into a whole

[00:20:11] Jacob: Nother respect well I think that it puts you guys in somewhere where you fit in nicely like it shows is the authenticity like the crowd can sense when the people who are on stage are really into like what they're talking about like it's a real connection it's something really cool in its in its full circle man it's you come into alignment with those things and like you said the

[00:20:35] Yanis: Opportunities start just popping up more

[00:20:36] Jacob: I don't know seems like that **** happens bro I mean that's something I've been noticeable about that kind of stuff and with this podcast like the opportunities of just you know certain things I just they're just popping it up even just following something like I'm trying to give back and trying to use my spare time to feel like to help people have a mental health podcast you realize the power of the networking that you get on just podcasting alone like the amount of people that you get to meet and the idea is that like people talk about on

[00:21:07] Yanis: This podcast is like man like you've got a lifetime of knowledge just off of this podcast no I feel like I'm like **** you

[00:21:15] Jacob: Go ahead extol something like it's like a little gateway I'm like it's like I shouldn't tell anybody about it or something but like you just get to like you talk to awesome people and just suck on the tit of knowledge for free from some enlightenment I know here we

[00:21:31] Yanis: Are know it's really awesome like yeah so the team is doing great things and I myself have always just like I've written from the perspective I've lived in right so it's like if I'm in a position where I'm like super like I spent a lot of time being a hopeless romantic and stuff like that because a lot of people don't realize I'm being a lot of people who are hopeless romantics are just people who are I guess lonely in a way and they're like oh I could treat someone so wonderful like the idea is that okay so that's like the idea of romantic that's really like we can we can avoid it as much as we want me and my friend would talk about it way back in the day my buddy Bogdan when we were like 14 years old we're like dude I kind of feel like I'm super emotional about women and that's weird and at that point neither was really dating at all because we were both in like strict Christian families and so it would even from that point we were like just like we have like this deeper

[00:22:29] Jacob: Emotion this deeper I guess what not love but like we feel these things deeper for some reason did you feel like you had to like you couldn't like say it out loud like act it out like it felt wrong it feels absolutely wrong

[00:22:46] Yanis: When everyone's like you're a guy you're supposed to feel this way you're supposed to feel this way from that point on we're like look we find so much connection with the emotion that we feel and we like we could sit and talk about the fact that we like a girl and we're not talking about any man or all we want to be like we want to smash we want to do this we were we were like I could see the future in this like and that's kind of just like the emotion that we were able to talk between each other and so that was really cool to have a man friend that we could talk and that made her write crazy it's crazy

[00:23:19] Jacob: It's crazy that it's crazy if you think about it's crazy there we just keep crazy in and up I mean the fact that we're not a let you know it's normal to like have to be like whispering to your friend like you can we talk about emotions you know and it's so normalized to just be like no we're men we don't we don't talk about those things and you have to grow up being a little confused about it like what do I do with these things nobody taught me how to do it why is it taboo you know it's and it's kind of funny you know it's

[00:23:48] Yanis: Realizing how easily it can be not

[00:23:52] Jacob: Taboo you know we could just have these conversations we just talked about them so you were talking about how your lyrics were always influenced like by this by like my being romantic your

[00:24:03] Yanis: Emotion yeah and uh it's like the

[00:24:07] Jacob: One thing that I've noticed recently is I had a almost like a switch like my life got happier but the emotion is still there and the music but it's a very different emotion it's a it's a very less hopeless romantic less oh I can be your everything it's more of a yo if you get me you're lucky

[00:24:28] Yanis: **** your lights confident we're gonna have a happy life if you get me that's kind of like it's more of that ideology it's like the emotion has changed I've become less of a hopeless romantic and I don't want to offend anyone who like swears by the hopeless romantic life which I used to I was like such a hopeless romantic it's crazy like that's why I started talking about bog because we both were super hopeless romantics and but it's like we still I got no judgement towards people who are hopeless romantics but it you kind of have to get out of that hopeless thing you don't wanna be hopeless and anything like oh man no this is the main judgment you cocooned out of this thing man it seems like it's something that's giving you a little more confidence like something that's like you've discovered like now that you've really dealt with it for a long time and felt like what it is like to be like that you were able to say I don't just sit with this like yeah

[00:25:16] Jacob: I have this it is a thing that was born with yeah I don't have to sit with this you know what was that there was an analogy we were talking about earlier you know like a lot of our issues sometimes it seems like whatever they are you know even physical pain sometimes like me aches depression and

[00:25:33] Yanis: Not knowing something or not being not being good at something we take them as they're like handed to us like a bowling ball all right like life or somebody or genetics or your bad circumstance gives you this bowling ball and then the rest of our life would figure out how to live with carrying this bowling ball and that's just we got to carry this in sometimes we get more bowling ball we gotta carry those two but what I should be doing is we go oh **** how do I get rid of this bowling ball how can I change my life to where I'm not carrying this bowling ball you know and so it seems like you cocooned and you said like this isn't a bowling ball that's helpless romantic thing like no it's made me in depth and made me intuitive with my emotions and made me made me understand things that I can now communicate with this language this music language to other people and it's created it's starting to create a beautiful path for you it seems like that's for sure I'm excited for started

[00:26:29] Jacob: For the future your music too for sure

[00:26:30] Yanis: Yeah I had to jump into R&B because

[00:26:33] Jacob: Like man before I even ever started

[00:26:36] Yanis: Dating I fell in love seven times yeah yeah like I was that kid all right wait what's your what's your are means bow like who did who got you into R&B take me back oh this is gonna this is wild we had a conversation about my dad earlier there's not much that I really attest to him about me today but my love for R&B through and through my dad yeah now my dad was a photographer and one time to make up for something that he did he took a bunch of pictures of my mom and then he basically put it to the song hold up let me sing it a little bit okay trained me like rose give me room to grow shown your light of love on me and gave me a so I can breathe you open

[00:27:27] Jacob: Doors are closed in a world where everything goes you gave me strength so I stand tall

[00:27:37] Yanis: With things bed of Earth just like a

[00:27:41] Jacob: Rose remember that song no I like it

[00:27:44] Yanis: Uh yeah hey one like a rose it might dad put that song on to the pictures of my mom and I remember being kid in watching the slideshow that my dad made for my mom and I started crying oh wow and I like I had to I had to runway I was like why am i crying right now and then I had to stand close enough just so I could hear the song and that song and then the other one unbreak my

[00:28:05] Jacob: Heart say love me again that was the

[00:28:10] Yanis: Next song like I'm like dad you're hitting it with the real stuff she fell in love obviously it was it works whatever he was doing working the road but that's kind of what built me into the whole like love on being you remember this moment it's a slide show

[00:28:25] Jacob: Like it happened yesterday and this was

[00:28:30] Yanis: 2003 maybe earlier in how old are you

[00:28:35] Jacob: Now for this new 25 years old 25

[00:28:38] Yanis: So back then probably what I don't want to do math right now years old yeah 6 7

[00:28:47] Jacob: 8 years somewhere in a million yeah we smoked a little bit of weed don't get mad at us but we did yes so that's math isn't added in conversation it's a different structure my brain exactly best know where the funds that but yeah so that's kind of what got me and to iron being it's actually the first song that I was at that I was ever able to put on Instagram of me singing was that song like a rose yeah and like that was the first time I kind of got a reaction from people like I've posted stuff on like Facebook and I posted like snapchat stories not a lot of people responded a lot I mean some people some like lifelong fans literally lifelong fans have been responding for a long time but at that point it was people were like yo this kid actually does something right like my family hit me up and they're like you have a really good voice it's like no duh what do you what do you think that mean well bros long here's a thing that i read this

[00:29:42] Jacob: Reddit comment and something that like you guys have never **** listen to at all that you guys have never had this thought in any of you especially you're not afraid to like let this emotion out but this uh this reddit comment was it was like advice for rappers on reddit or something and like the first thing was like 95% of y'all sound like your parents are sleeping in the room next to you so you can't quite be as loud as you wanna get in like bro in like it was kind of a mean thing you know clown and like if you really think about there's a lot of people who in it's not you know this ain't even a clown and thing to be honest it's a real it's really hard to get up on a stage or get up to where people are watching you and let your guard down that much to where you can be like here's an emotion through wailing of my voice like it's actually pretty like it's a very difficult thing for a lot of people to do and to be able to like really let that guard completely down and just say what you have to say

[00:30:39] Yanis: Communicate your emotion say the lyrics whether they're yours or you've written them or that or you're just relaying I understand this musicians emotions that he was saying for this song and I can relay them I'm a middle man for this for this cover here and I mean it's a way that man's that man's like voice can carry to a

[00:31:02] Jacob: Whole new crowd of people it's **** wonderful so but it's it's something that I admire a lot of you guys but especially human you could just you know afraid to let it rip in any show that I've ever done with you guys it's you're ready you're ready to open up you know absolutely that **** that lion's roar on the stage man it's is important now let me ask you a question if I could if I could question when you get on stage do you

[00:31:27] Yanis: Get nervous do you get any sort of anxiety or like how is that you've probably spent a lot more time on state well tech maybe yeah I mean I have like different versions of stages because a lot of with my audio directing a nod to an audio engineer stuff it's less like all DJ for like walkins like imagine

[00:31:50] Jacob: When the doors open at the Oscars or

[00:31:53] Yanis: Ceremony and the people like the doors are open and like all the people are finding their seats there's music playing then that I do a lot of situations like that like not the Oscars at lower level like so I do like ctsos so it's essentially I'm kind of like if people I can do a couple things to get attention in these and it's like 14,000 people so if I do too much I get a lot of attention they like notice that I'm in the sound booth whatever so that's a weird kind of thing it's a little bit different than being on a stage where everybody's looking at me and then I also have different areas where I'm in the back doing the same doing a lot of that so I'm not with that at all or where I'm at like a wedding where I'm not really supposed to be the focus of attention so there's a lot of what I'm getting at is there's different anxiety levels for each of these **** things focus I'm kind of at a point now

[00:32:39] Jacob: Where I'm doing with a lot of

[00:32:43] Yanis: Anxiety of like projecting myself like

[00:32:46] Jacob: To where it's like so what you guys are doing like where you're like performing your art yeah I wrote this I

[00:32:52] Yanis: Got you I'm having trouble with that right now I'm having a lot of anxiety around that but I'm also having a lot of Like I don't know that I enjoy being onstage that much like I don't know that I get the high as much when I first started DJing there wasn't nervousness it was I wanted to like show these people what it like what this thing is that I've been working on I was like I think is super technical and cool and so I just felt like I was in my zone but I was also when I first art DJing the first like five years I was very popular and I stayed in a popular group I got you and

[00:33:27] Yanis: So it's very well that's the thing is you're like you stay pretty confident when everybody likes you but then you start going to places where you're like you know and I bombed plenty of times like I have such tons of times like where I didn't read the room right and I was just like too into my own header into my own cool guy nests where I'm just like playing **** dubstep in 9:30 at the bar something stupid you know Black Betty turns on in the wrong situation that lambda am i can a but yeah so okay so essentially yeah I've gone I go through many different layers of anxiety and where I'm at now I do a lot of like my alone time I'm very content being **** a real introvert now I've always I feel like I've always been like an introvert that's like stuck trying to be an extrovert so I was like give me down oh yeah and

[00:34:20] Jacob: It's as I was unable to wear that armor and that's kind of like was a lot of like my like you know sort of break down where I'm just like I wanted to end my life you know so but **** routing it

[00:34:30] Yanis: Back to the anxiety now I have it's it's not so bad when it comes to just like doing my job or it's like I'm hired to be a DJ that can they go play at this bar this club or whatever it is or any of my like audio engineer jobs and you have my audio director jobs those are totally fine like where I make money but like if it's like me performing my own like I'm Kronos I'm the headliner like I'm booked for this that sort of thing I don't have much confidence in because after that kinda like I don't really know what I want to present I had like some study I had some stutter the other night I plan on doing open mic night first I had them doing poetry and open mic night okay and I **** I was

[00:35:12] Yanis: Super confident leading up to it and I knew there was anxiety back my head but I'm like I feel tough though like I'm ready to face that anxiety no problem I got it this time around yeah but **** couple hours before I man I crumbled then totally crumbled and I ended up not even going look like I would I got to a point where I was like you know what just accept it like this thing is just bugging you don't bring your poetry book let's just go and hang out your friends because it cut my home for that to run of the thing and end up yeah so anxiety and the **** winning I didn't even like leaving house then I know this house was a total mess and this was just a few weeks ago sometimes it's really important to let it happen though man sometimes you need to understand that your body is not sometimes you just can't right well you need a mate sometimes you just need to get yourself that mental health care

[00:35:56] Jacob: Yeah I mean well in and I felt I

[00:35:58] Yanis: Strangely felt like a lot softer the next day I felt a lot like I know that's

[00:36:05] Jacob: Less constricted I don't know I think I

[00:36:08] Yanis: I think I'd been carrying a lot more anxiety than I thought I had been that week about it and it was this stupid little silly thing where it's like you get up for ten minutes like I could have gone up and read one poem and like given a toast totally fine but like that was like controlling my thoughts that whole week as it turned out so but it's it made me realize like how sometimes I obsessively think about things like that right and I need to justify why excessively thinking about it and so I'm like oh it's important this and if I if I do this right and I work on this it'll be this in my life and so I turned into this accidental big thing when it comes down to it when the event comes upon us anxiety can just grab it and I go oh your whole life planned that you were planning with this night it's **** shake you so yeah I don't know I guess I'm a little over the place with the anxiety but for the most part I would say outside of like that like

[00:37:04] Jacob: Presenting your own personal thing

[00:37:06] Yanis: I've got anxiety like really I feel that

[00:37:08] Jacob: I gotcha you know reason I ask you is

[00:37:12] Yanis: Because it like I was almost bread for

[00:37:15] Jacob: Bread for that life

[00:37:18] Yanis: Manal ah and it was like my mom was part of the worship team she was a leader of the worship team so I spent my whole life watching her on top singing my dad was a truck driver so he was always driving around America he was always so yes meet new people sending us postcards pictures so I kind of was born with music a big part of my life and seeing

[00:37:43] Jacob: Travel everywhere and some of that kind of bread me Ford I feel like the music industry and the thing is like also I was I went to like my family was

[00:37:53] Yanis: Super strict religious so we when you're in church you're part of the place you're part of the poem readings are part of all of it right so from a young age you're forced to be on stage doing all this stuff you're forced to be a know so you have no stage fright like did you ever at all man I'm telling you really at all it's so because of all those times that I was supposed to do that is funny because I remember the first time I ever performed I'm not gonna call the homie out because he probably listens to this podcast we were in first or second grade I'm gonna call him now is for since the second grade Jacob Trotter we were in the same grade same class Rose Valley Elementary School whoo bro but he's like hey dude why don't we join the talent show and we just did this Christmas show that we did this like little toy trains song I don't remember it anymore but he was like what'd you do that song and I'm like cool yeah let's do it and then the day we have to do it he's

[00:38:50] Yanis: Like nah dude I don't want to do it no hitting me I'm like you're gonna make me do this alone suicide no it was my poor first grade heart man I still like I pray that someone hears this hits you up and like hey I have a video from that day if you want it because I really want to see what I look like on that stage it was must have been amazing so I'm like this little kid I go on stage by myself my hands are in my pockets I'm looking down the mic the whole time I sing the whole thing dude I'm I did the whole thing like I'd stats out on stage did the whole thing looked up and walked off the stage and that was it that was the first time that was the only time I ever had stage fright or anxiety on the stage and then past that

[00:39:34] Jacob: I just like ruined you know that seems like it if this were like a movie it

[00:39:39] Yanis: Seems like that would be like the most devastating moment ever my brother's wanted it to devastate me they wanted it to ruin me because they remember you probably should have picked your nose a little bit come on but no it's just that kind of I was just proud of myself for the fact that I didn't give up I was like I was like it wasn't even my plan I didn't want to do this in the first place but then I told this kid I'll do it and then I was like well if you're gonna quit someone has to do it so I did it right and so that's kind of like I built up and me this kind of confidence on stage like I'm very so I got a lot of social anxiety if I don't smoke weed in big situations so but the second I get on stage it doesn't matter if I'm high drunk sober as whole hell I'm chilling I'm happy I'm already conquered that **** dude I uh my senior year I'm

[00:40:30] Yanis: Definitely not gonna call this girl out because her boyfriend won't be happy about that one but I call this girl I hit her up I'm like yo I wrote a song about you should come to senior night choirs doing a senior night and I get to do some mm-hmm choir was doing senior night so everyone can do their own songs they can do whatever they want to do everyone did cover so I'm like I'm gonna do my own track that I just wrote so she

[00:40:53] Jacob: Comes out I started off the whole show by taking the mic off the actual stand and smashing my tooth smashing my tooth oh no everyone saw obviously I'm chilling I'm like okay that was cool whatever I still do it I still do that everywhere there was no blood I did not break my luckily I did not get screwed up but no so like I just

[00:41:14] Yanis: Even after embarrassing myself like that I just kind of killed it on stage came down she's like haha actually it was fun I enjoyed that a lot we don't talk about that anymore but yeah so I've never had that anxiety I kind of used this stage to like build my confidence consistently like I have the hardest time in my life until the show comes up and I'm like cool and the crazy thing is I've been changing my act on stage I've been doing crazier **** I've been basically I've

[00:41:42] Jacob: Hit the point in my career where I'm like people know what your songs sound like people know that you can sing people will hear your song and then be like he's a really good singer so care less about what the hell you sound like not a show and have fun do you know cuz the second your energy starts blasting throughout the whole stage everybody's in and I think this stage like is my mo

[00:42:04] Yanis: Comfortable spot but when I'm performing

[00:42:08] Jacob: The stages everywhere where do I want to be yeah we just go crazy and like this

[00:42:16] Yanis: Only has started happening the last couple shows and my buddies have been talking to me that like dude your Energy's like through the roof it's completely changed and I keep telling him it's because I got the Sampson here now yeah I'm feeling cocky oh yeah dude so I got my times where I just feel I just feel just chunky-monkey confident man I just feel great but I have some times where it sucks because I'm so aware that like even as a DJ man like I'm I've never been I mean I guess there's been a few hip-hop shows where I've been like amp and the crowd up like running around with the mic that sort of thing but outside of those few times for the most part I'm kind of like I'm mixing more than anything but I'm jamming enough to where the crowd is like feeling it like I'm dancing around like cuz I'm just working you know I understand just as much that dance down here where no this is just what I do but due to anxiety did definitely start to get me to where like **** man I wasn't

[00:43:07] Yanis: Even like having a good time up there and I went up there and I started to hate the songs and then yeah man it's it sucks but I have most of that I feel like under control but it does suck when it does like creep up on me it's anxiety is such a **** because so I actually grew up a fairly confident dude it was like a lot of it was like kind of mask armor I kind of had to be based off of that bring him but I was a theater kid too like I was in plays I was in the talent show I danced to disco inferno by 50 cent I think it'd be 50 cent is it lloyd banks or banks it was like it literally said with my hand banging up who dressed like oh yeah disco inferno it's if I can hit but anyway that was like seventh graders yeah and then like dude I never had to deal with any of that **** and I was like super good at selling I was like oh when I was 16 I

[00:44:07] Yanis: **** had multiple jobs was good at people all that **** and then she had to started babbling up like I don't know if it was maybe like compounded anxiety from like childhood and then just like not I didn't enjoy my

[00:44:20] Jacob: Job at warehouser but started getting more and more anxious man wasn't able to really perform now it's re not even like bobbing my head much when I'm on stage and then it starts making me like you can't really **** perform when you're not even having a rhythm yeah like and so I'm just like not really having a smooth flow with a lot of what I've been playing you know I like that you brought up the whole dance thing because I when I was 1516 I was part of

[00:44:45] Yanis: My church's dance team yeah and like

[00:44:48] Jacob: It's wild because our church did a dance but like the songs that they used was all weekend Park music hell yeah so it was it was kind of like a story about a lady being saved more or less but we had actual dancers who have been breakdancing for years and stuff like that and there was a point where they asked all the youth are like do you want to be a part of anything in the church and

[00:45:11] Yanis: There was the option of being in the dance team and so I joined the dance team and we like we created such a cool dance that like we traveled around elect six or seven churches and this like Seattle California doing all those like doing the dance and stuff like that so that was really cool okay so when you remember the dancer and I ain't gonna do it no I do not man I wish I could I wish I was what is it like was it was it like a hip-hop based dance or do you remember it was it yeah it was him it started off she was in a beautiful white dress and she was basically doing not ballroom dancing not ballerina but like nice little mix I'm just a beautiful dances and then it was Lincoln

[00:45:51] Jacob: Park playing like during this you know this part there was a beautiful song playing some sweet and then all of a sudden the lights in the church turned red okay demons walked out right and that's gonna be us we're just wearing like black hoodies with black face like

[00:46:05] Yanis: Black mark for like football marks on her face right like we're gonna go play a game of football or some dumb **** that for this boys and then the idea

[00:46:19] Jacob: Was that like the demons tainted her

[00:46:21] Yanis: White clothing and so I throw gloves obviously we're not rubbing someone up on stage and church like yeah so it was just it was that kind of idea and then Jesus comes and saves her and stuff like that but we I was a demon and so it was just like this really cool dance I didn't have any gloves on that marked or I didn't touch her at all because that was not my job I wasn't the Glover but it was kind of like it was pretty hip-hop it was pretty hip-hop from the demon perspective and so that was really fun to get into and that's why my senior year I took hip-hop aerobics and that was a mistake because I took it in Celso high school you took hip-hop aerobics that's crazy I mean as Cooley you guys told that story in that way yeah I think that's super cool I think that like any organization should always search for and like strive for some sort

[00:47:08] Jacob: Of creative new way whether it may seem on the fringes or strange at first creative new ways to like explore and teach people new things like look at like now like your life here that's like a genuine moment that you remember only a part of you know oh yes probably same thing the people in the audience know definitely life-changing and yes so the and that's another thing is like even things that I wasn't professional that I did on stage things that like I didn't

[00:47:33] Yanis: Ever consider doing I did on stage and I was not worried about it I've I don't want to be an actor I've never wanted to be an actor I'm super sketched out about doing this movie because I'm the like on the actor and so I like I've been watching a lot of Heath Ledger lately I don't know why but he's my inspiration for acting boy but I get in try to method act doesn't he do method acting or he did do method acting oh you so but I see that's the thing I don't know that much about acting I just know that I need to act my own story out hey don't be afraid of looking into different ways

[00:48:07] Jacob: Yeah and it's gonna be like I said about

[00:48:11] Yanis: My music it's gonna be a very emotional movie it's gonna be it's the main goal is to make people cry I want to make people cry me and Ryan sat there and we're like and we're like is this too **** up our people are gonna get really pissed off because they're crying through the whole entire thing or are we

[00:48:29] Jacob: Like are we safe here like because

[00:48:32] Yanis: There's a lot of emotion in my music there's a lot of motion in my life and I'm not saying like I get crazy emotional like I cry a lot I

[00:48:43] Jacob: Get crazy I scream a lot it's just like I've always understood emotion I've always been accepting of the emotion that I feel in a way that it doesn't become detrimental that it doesn't come out and act that I would be regretting later on uh and so you know you yeah

[00:48:58] Yanis: It's channeled and it's not it's not cut off I feel like a thing that people do with their emotion is they completely cut off their emotion because they don't want to feel it and then it starts building up and then when you finally let that emotion in it's so deprecating you can't get out you hit deep levels of depression and I feel like a lot of the reason why I've always been pretty confident in my place on this earth and wanting to stay on this earth is because I've always been so accepting of the emotion when it comes just so I can understand why am I feeling like this what's what does it mean for me right and then when you can learn how to do that you get to a position where you're not scared to feel

[00:49:38] Jacob: These feelings you know you can get mad and you know that you can control it ma'am I'm gonna lie to you I'm not gonna lie to you I'm gonna lie you know the most embarrassing thing I've ever done was put a hole in a wall like that's

[00:49:56] Yanis: Such a kyle thing yeah okay all right wait let's stop right here though that's because let's say that we've got people who have punched walls and then they make me punch another wall let's explain to them because sometimes I think a lot of it they don't notice they don't they don't notice that like that's wrong they think like of course I don't want a punch of all right but there is some circumstances where clearly I it's okay to get this mad like

[00:50:26] Jacob: They don't see it as like a wrongdoing yeah we you know emotions and being you know control your emotions like it sounds like you took your hopeless romanticism and you turn it into like harnessed romanticism and harnessed

[00:50:40] Yanis: Ability to understand emotions because

[00:50:43] Jacob: Of it you know I think how can we how

[00:50:46] Yanis: Can we hang up there for people who maybe still are punching walls what do

[00:50:51] Jacob: You think so the thing man like it when that's it

[00:50:57] Yanis: When you let **** Fester when you let **** build up for so long you're gonna punch walls man you're gonna get so stressed out with everything that's tearing you down you're gonna start punching walls so have you punched a wall it's like because you got some **** festering man that time it was like I it was more of oh man I can't talk about

[00:51:18] Jacob: This okay I got an open book I cried my eyes out because like I was having a stressful day the day before I woke up stressed I couldn't find my keys I was gonna be late to work and I was worried about getting fired so I started crying then I felt like I felt like I was so out of control of my emotion that

[00:51:39] Yanis: I just turned around and punched a wall Right which is like it's the only time it's ever happened it's the only time it's ever going to happen but like it was it was kind of one of those things that everything built up and I wasn't dealing with it I went to sleep I went to sleep in a bad mood I went to sleep had nightmares because I was in a bad mood thinking about this situation all day thinking about it all night and so you wake up you punch a wall it's like I feel like the best thing that you could do for yourself is sit down in that moment and understand why am i mad mmm why is this making me so angry is it Justified or is it just because there's

[00:52:17] Yanis: Something else tearing me up inside right now that I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna push it on to another emotion right I'm heartbroken I don't want people to know that I'm hurt so I'm gonna act out of aggression so people don't think I'm hurt they just think I'm mad right and that's kind of I feel like the second that you learn to accept those emotions and to let them do their part they're there for a reason it's one of the best gifts that we were given to understand who we are yeah it's telling you about the symptoms it's telling you who I am why this makes Me tick this makes me do this makes me do that but we're so afraid of it why is this making me mad well a lot of the times I think that we get stuck with that like that you know holding this bowling ball like okay I'm just someone who punches walls it's just how do you expect me to change what are you talking about that's just what I do like they don't feel like they're in control like it's something that we think we can't change Mike so I feel like we're

[00:53:10] Yanis: Both pretty like in touch with our emotions kind of guys okay I was saying that I did though I had an experience where I punched a dashboard I had with an ex-girlfriend years and years ago and I was like 17 or 18 I punched the dashboard yeah and I was I remember when a half an ounce of what the **** that's not me like it was like I'm not an external like I was I was more of the like internalize all of my exactly whatever you know and I remember doing it but it's like you get to these things and it's like you do and you hit the dash and put the heck I didn't know that was going on but what that is that's some **** coming from your subconscious kind of you know that's some **** that you're not in control it's like it's hitting that button just find that button it's pushing only that

[00:53:47] Yanis: Button and that's an area where when you act out emotionally a punch a wall you do those that's like you're saying it's showing you it's pointing out like that it's where you need to heal there's what you need to work on stuff and your life does get better when you met when you don't accept that you don't have to be hitting walls all the time you don't have to be punching or acting out in anger or let up allowing your emotions to grapple you and grab you and make you make decisions that you don't want to really make you realize you can handle those it's empowering you know there's its ways and you can you can quote this next thing that I'm gonna say quote you can definitely quote it your subconscious is built off of regret regression repression everything that you repress like everything that you hold back it goes somewhere it doesn't just go away it goes into your subconscious and all that repression it more or less starts building like I said the festering up inside you and then your subconscious starts meeting I guess

[00:54:45] Jacob: Screaming out for help right throwing

[00:54:48] Yanis: Things out and you're like why would I act in this way and that's so the subconscious is pretty much built off of repression everything that you've ever repressed and so the best way to get yourself to a point where you're no longer letting your emotion take you out of your own mind is understanding that every time that you push something back is just gonna build up the ceiling gets hard higher and higher and higher until it snaps yeah you got you got to take these things sometimes you can take them and like all right let it come out on two out of your arm onto your fingers

[00:55:18] Jacob: And into a pen onto a piece of paper you know like write this thing that said of suppressing and pushing it down and like feeling the saying like well how do I feel this thing's write it down take your phone out write a note like why am

[00:55:28] Yanis: I feeling sayin just have a conversation with yourself you know me and this wall that's how I started i sat there crisscross applesauce I was like the **** is going on man I started the scientific method I took those things that I was suppressing like these like sadnesses adda fell for my childhood that I just wasn't dealing with didn't want to talk about but they were affecting my future yeah you know they were coming up and I just kept pushing him down and then I kept you know finding you know ways to numb them when waste and run from them and at some point you gotta be like all right let's pull this thing out of me one by one write it down or jot it down somewhere talk to yourself have a conversation figure it out yeah a lot of people it's like everyone in every aspect you talk to people about relationships in general talking about friendships families girlfriends boyfriends and you ask what's the most important thing it's communication you get into business with somebody a partner what's the best thing in the world for that business communication now if in every aspect of life communication is the best possible thing but we completely neglect to

[00:56:27] Yanis: Communicate with ourselves we completely neglect to tell ourselves exactly what we're feeling in letting ourselves understand it's okay that I'm feeling like this it's okay that I'm sad as all hell it's okay that I'm pissed off that this happened yeah I need what it happened yeah that's fine yeah that doesn't make me a piece of **** just because I'm not happy all the time in the second that you start understanding that you're building yourself a stronger foundation for I guess less aggression in the future you

[00:56:56] Jacob: Can say yeah that's true and just being able to hand the handle the abstract emotions mmm yeah man it's very important for us to realize that we can handle the hard emotions like we have such a our culture our society is so seeking of comfort all the time you know

[00:57:14] Yanis: We're always like that's the ultimate goal is like being comfortable and so the second that something that comes up the second that an uncomfortable feeling happens we pick up our phone or we say something or we you know break the silence or we have to run away from it or do something to escape the things that are coming up but no being

[00:57:36] Jacob: Able to cope with those things and being able to take a look at them in understanding that you can and you're worthy of taking a look at them and your life's worth you have getting better wherever you're at you know I think

[00:57:45] Yanis: Absolutely and yeah it's communicate with yourself man tell yourself man I am okay I'm

[00:57:54] Jacob: Depressed yeah I hate everything that's going on right now that's fine that's fine so let's sit down in this bed and play some what are what's the new popular

[00:58:05] Yanis: Game these days mattress 65

[00:58:11] Jacob: We're sponsored by best feed would be nice but no so you sit there play your video games for a day that's fine tailor time because if you neglect to give yourself the opportunity to understand why you're feeling these things you're like I said earlier you're giving up on the best gift that you possibly have to truly know who you are as a person our emotions aren't there to help us understand what our limits are what ours we're all whole being is we learned we through joy and happiness we learn what love is right through anger we learn limits we learn what we do and do not want to accept in our life near our edges with depression we with sadness you really delve into how far you can make it as a human and still make it back up like how far down you can get and still bring yourself back up so it shows you the power in yourself so every emotion that you have is built to build you up and if you're

[00:59:11] Yanis: Always repressing it you're I feel like you're mentally stunting yourself emotionally mentally all of it what if

[00:59:18] Jacob: What if depression is just a signal from

[00:59:23] Yanis: Your future self saying hey man you need

[00:59:28] Jacob: A reason to be stronger than you are right now so I gotta give you some pain I gotta sign you some pain I'm so sorry I'm sorry but this is me your future self I got to give you this pain like you got to go through it because I'm gonna need you to be strong I'm need us to be strong later you know because I wasn't I won't be able to handle it

[00:59:47] Yanis: Yeah if you know if you can't handle that I'll never be able to handle this part in my life yeah like I need you I need you past self like what if you what if you thought about like when you're sad when you're going through these tough times what if it's like you know let yourself feel these feelings you know let yourself feel the real human emotions but when it's time to move forward say alright you know what maybe this is a gift from my future self saying we gotta prep for some **** so it's time to make life a little better exactly now and I mean I can honestly say that I was very privileged in having

[01:00:15] Jacob: A mother who was very she had a

[01:00:20] Yanis: Vast array of emotion she wasn't bipolar

[01:00:23] Jacob: Or anything she was just a foreign mom

[01:00:27] Yanis: Living in America raising three boys by herself so you saw the whole spectrum and so I saw with my mom I saw that a lot of times that it was it was very deprecating for her when she got mad a lot when she got stressed a lot she would need to take pills and I'm not talking about I don't know what it's called ningún cut or something like that it's like heart medication because something her heart she had heart issues in the past and a lot of it was because she was so scared to let her emotion out or she had no one to share it with that it would start to fester up in she would go through four emotions in the span of a three hour period did she not have very many friends she had an amazing

[01:01:10] Jacob: Friend it's just when you're going through that and you're going through that in a community of your ex's

[01:01:18] Yanis: Family cuz my dad's family lives in Kelso Longview and there's like you've probably met 17 passar check to find out a lot of us out here it's scary and just your mom yeah so my mom was pretty

[01:01:35] Jacob: Much she raised the boys still in the

[01:01:39] Yanis: Community of her exes family just because she couldn't we were raised around our cousins and stuff like that so she couldn't take us away from there right and so it was hard for her to reach out to anybody because of course from the beginning there was that bias yeah she probably wanted to make sure she's appearing to be tough and she's got it under control which I'm sure she did but of course once I come home what

[01:01:59] Jacob: Right we'll all unfold in we're time I earlier like you know just like a woman's role in culture especially in Lake situation like that she's got to be strong got to be the strongest one ever like she can't show a falter you know she's got to be strong for her boys exactly there's a lot of weight that gets put on to it motherly figure in our culture there's a lot of judgment that's the worst part there's so much judgment trying to do their **** best right some kid throwing a tantrum in a Walmart it's not because she's a terrible parent it's because maybe at this point she's had enough the child's had enough hasn't slept in fourth it was slept well in four days because he's had a cold or something like yeah even that's the thing you never know but there's so much judgement put on mothers and how the boys are raised and so yeah it really put a lot of strain on her and so in the home I would see the strain that it caused I would see the emotion that she felt and

[01:02:48] Jacob: So I had I had a lot of time to sit back and be able to decipher the emotion she was feeling and decipher why she was feeling the way she was feeling and that built a lot built up a lot of empathy in my life and another conversation we were having earlier was a the talks of that

[01:03:05] Yanis: We didn't understand when we were younger the potential that we had to help somebody the potential that when someone's in a bad state of mind they came to us and they asked us for help and even though you may have even if you haven't may have never been in that situation or maybe you did go through that situation and so you had something to say to them later on they tell you they're like you changed my life

[01:03:25] Jacob: Right you may have saved me you may have completely changed my thinking you may have done all that but we didn't realize that we had that power so we didn't harness that power for such a long time until we grew up and then we sat back and we were able to say you know what I'm super proud of the empathy that you have for the people around you and the fact that you don't do it for

[01:03:47] Yanis: Anybody you don't do it for yourself you just do it because that is the lifestyle that you want to breathe and if it ever happens that I have a child that is the only thing that I want him to truly take from me absolutely that as a human being on this planet empathy is something that is so rare so why not be that person why not be that person and we were having that conversation where just like if we sat back and we're like wow we have so power to just change people's lives right there was a lot more we could have done which we're still here so a lot of time to do well no I mean yeah in grabbing that and like just

[01:04:26] Jacob: Saying like okay like people you know if people inevitably come to you like if you're that you're the empath Fran you're that you're the counselor friend that there are pew takfir and you're it's like a psychology friends no you're the you're the person who like with me it's like it seems like I'm like the friend that people are like of course when it comes to like depression and suicide they'll come to me in those senses but it's also there's parts of me

[01:04:49] Yanis: That like I'm able to like they'll know

[01:04:53] Jacob: They'll allow me to say like what they need to hear they don't want to really maybe face but what I'll tell me maybe the truth like it and I'm not mean about it of course because I just I understand the human condition you know but yeah dude empathy is so important in this world sometimes they just need someone to flip that switch they can't do it themselves and so they come to you because in there's some people in this world which if you're like this I'm not judging you in any way shape or form there are those kind of people that are kind of like here's the answer fix it do it some people just can't do it like that right some people need that extra push some people need that extra help some people need someone to say you know what that's a good idea and you don't need my approval but I think that you

[01:05:37] Yanis: Would do great in that and in that portion they can sit back and there can be like well he's confident in me why can't I be confident in myself just that little spark sometimes he sees the he gets excitement in his eye when he sees what I have the potential to do so why would I let the fear that I feel

[01:05:54] Jacob: Holding me back from doing something amazing very powerful yeah you know I think everybody has that power to just believe in each other you know to me like just give that confidence seed of like you can do this that little

[01:06:09] Yanis: Push they need yeah and that's like they

[01:06:12] Jacob: I told you earlier that I sent him that question to my favorite YouTube artist Timothy DeLaGhetto on his new podcast and he answered my question and

[01:06:22] Yanis: It's like you sit back and they just took the time to help somebody out mm-hmm took the time to all not only help me out but three different people with three opposing views and they all had amazing views to give and I just sat back and I'm like they didn't have to spend 20 minutes talking about it right like what they didn't have to do that at all but they did because they understood that there was somebody out there who had an issue in their life and they want and just wanted they already knew the answer I already knew the answer but I guess I just kind of needed that reassurance that I'm not doing something stupid right well I mean it's kind of like you say that you already kind of knew the answer but like sometimes we kind of know **** we don't not a word it we don't really know like what it means that we know so like when you sent in this question and they're like all right

[01:07:09] Yanis: We are question is it's from someone so today and here's what it is and they read it and then they start talking about it's kind of like taking a thought that's only in your mind that's only hitting around the very narrow head

[01:07:22] Jacob: Cavity we have here you know like as much as we think we know so much we don't know **** so big fact that bro so

[01:07:29] Yanis: It takes it electronically puts it in this microphone you know and or your question you typed it whenever it was and then they're able to like bounce your **** thought your thing that just seems like it makes sense in your head they can throw it around themselves and they can spit it right back to you and now you have like different opinions and so that's the thing about questions when you're willing to like it's like hey here's my situation when we open here's what's going on in my head what do you guys think about it I think I think it's an important thing to note you're good at being on the receiving side of things - yeah you know a lot of this a lot of this self-improvement a lot of the stuff I'm just like seeing your emotions and seeing like whe your problems and being able to step out from the outside perspective is being able to accept

[01:08:10] Jacob: You know not just feedback but accept

[01:08:14] Yanis: Not exactly what you expected I suppose - oh one phrase that I love this might kind of tie in to what you were saying a little bit it might be a little off kilter but is that a word off-kilter is now baby nice what if it all turns out better than you expected just think every time what if it all ends up better

[01:08:44] Jacob: Than you ever expected and every time I get to a point where I'm like worried about something about doing something I'm just like so what if what if it turned out better than you think it's going to and when you get to that point

[01:09:00] Yanis: You're like holy **** it turned out a

[01:09:02] Jacob: Million times better than over it that

[01:09:05] Yanis: Would actually be a great exercise so riding wise what if you have a panic attack and you're like what if it made to meet the open mic night I'm like what if I **** up and what if I make a fool of myself and what if I pee my pants or whatever I was English like instead of you write down piece of paper like what if it all works out exactly how I want it to what if it all goes great like and you start actually answering yourself that could be a great thing for anxiety

[01:09:31] Jacob: Yeah and I just love that statement what

[01:09:34] Yanis: If it turns out better than ever expect it better than ever expect because that's the thing man we get into the stuff and we're doing the stuff that we're so like we get a lot of anxiety about because we put our heart into our art and so you're you're almost like you're connecting your emotion to that piece so if it comes back in a way that's not pleasurable it hurts it destroys you but yeah it's like the one if you just sit back and you're like look I did a good job I did a good job in my view a lot of people in this world will have my view a lot of people will not and so it's just like put it out there do it

[01:10:14] Jacob: And then see what happens and then every time if you ask yourself every time before what if it ends what if it goal comes out better than expected you're starting on a position where you want to do more so it does end up better right it's almost a reinforced elf look it could be a lot better so you're already starting this day off with the expectation that you're gonna do a little more just so it can be that much better right so not only is it a good way to get out of your head on it's also a good way to call the action push

[01:10:52] Yanis: Yourself forward right take that anxiety and use it to build up whatever you were doing in the first place and that's what's happened with the last six shows that we've done as a team like we've expected nothing but like okay but it all comes out so much

[01:11:06] Jacob: Better than I ever expected and the

[01:11:09] Yanis: Thing is we did a show recently in a Lincoln City there was not a lot of people there but it was my favorite performance to this day I had so much fun I liked it city dude I just it was it was a tiny bar the only people that were there were locals and the artists that were performing and I just let myself unwind and go crazy or **** and it was the most beautiful thing I've like that's the most beautiful feeling I've ever had where I was like I let everything go I was like let the emotion that is in the song I'm singing I'm putting it out to you so you can feel and see exactly what I'm going through I didn't cry on stage sadly that would been really cool probably a good monetization scheme but we'll think about that later but no it's then monetizing my tears beautiful it works every day yeah you know what would happen though is your to appear that you would be that guy this is what you decry and then you'd be like him and it's not true I can't actually cry I'm losing

[01:12:01] Jacob: Money I can't wait tears cry right now cry about all the money you're gonna lose ya know full circle oh my goodness ya know so it's um and it's a good life

[01:12:14] Yanis: It's a beautiful life yeah it's you're in like I said understanding that the emotion that you're feeling is gonna actually benefit especially if you're in the arts if you're doing something in acting if you're doing something a lot of the things that we go through do create who we are as people but they can

[01:12:33] Jacob: Also be really good a really good amuse

[01:12:36] Yanis: Really good news for anything that you want to create B paintings be acting be a writing man I want to I want to start hanging out with a lot more like screenwriters and directors just cuz I don't want to get into it but I want to hang out with more of them I just want to get to know what like what goes in their mind that they can sit there for four hours and write out a whole movie in four hours and then create it I just

[01:12:58] Jacob: I just want to sit down and talk to them you know yeah it's like it's you if you're in the arts it's a really good way to just like take from experience and

[01:13:08] Yanis: If you've already sat there and let that emotion and understood that emotion you're able to paint that picture a lot better because that's what I mean that's what art that's what the arts are right is communicating emotion in a different just how music is a different language than speaking there's whatever it may be

[01:13:26] Jacob: You know art all of the Arts is just a generalized different way to express human feelings yeah oh sure yeah you

[01:13:35] Yanis: Know that's really all it is it's a **** beautiful way that we're able to have like directors expressing in this woman artist with a paintbrush and dudes with **** blowing glass and this guy makes kites and this guy makes it like we can express the depths of like human beauty oh and those videos on

[01:13:55] Jacob: Facebook those uh couples dancing like those super emotional couple dances where like they're performing in front of their whole like dance crew or whatever right right you know those like those are my favorite you know a lot of people love watching like cat videos people love watching dog you know some people like watching like family returning home from the military which is all beautiful but

[01:14:14] Yanis: I love watching those people dancing to

[01:14:17] Jacob: The most emotional music just like so grow me to I'm a chained to a dancer Shay leads the dancers oh really yes she's when we first got together she was she was very heavy into dance and dude I

[01:14:29] Yanis: Love that Shay have you seen it's I think his name is oh it's been Platt grow as we go is the

[01:14:36] Jacob: Name of the song listener if you're hearing this Ben Pratt I think it's Platt right I don't know **** grow as we go but it's a wonderful it's a piece like that where it's a music video piece but it's to a guy and a girl dancing and they do and it's you know like it just accompanies with the lyrics so well like you understand what it's being said you know it's no it's no conversation like you know they don't say here's what this song is about bah you know and they don't have to write that on the screen it's just the guy singing the song and in the dancers dancing the dance and you just listen and you watch and you're like I know what's happening

[01:15:16] Yanis: There and it's just like yeah it's like that's actually something that I really want to do for michaux dyou one of the songs that I got coming out her throwing the more emotional one I want to do a video like that so if anybody is

[01:15:31] Jacob: A dance choreographer and has I need two

[01:15:35] Yanis: Male dancers and one lady dancer and if you want to be part of a music video you should hit me up because we're gonna create the most emotional beautiful like

[01:15:46] Jacob: It's basically gonna be a music video so

[01:15:48] Yanis: Like you're gonna say it's like movie style you're gonna see what's happening in real life and then it's gonna switch over to the dance world and they're pretty much gonna be like interpreting what's happening through dance I hope nothing more than to start some conversations that start with hey I heard you say this thing on Jake's podcast I'm such as such like I want to make that happen so creators definitely reach out can you give you're at real quick just we don't forget this so you can get me on Instagram snapchat of Facebook at K a and I de is and that's

[01:16:22] Jacob: Gonna be on pretty much all platforms

[01:16:25] Yanis: Yanis 'Kanideis' on Facebook so if you hit me up and you're willing to get to work

[01:16:31] Jacob: Right now just for another video I've

[01:16:34] Yanis: Been hitting up my buddies and I'm like hey I need some skaters for this video just because I want to like show off the people that I have in my life the people that like I knew in high school the people that like I was always jealous of for some reason I want to bring them into my music and videos so I got four skaters and we're gonna be doing this really cool shoot at four to five

[01:16:55] Jacob: Different skate parks so like that's the thing man I'm just trying to find another skater it's been a while you skate though well that's that was so my

[01:17:04] Yanis: Identity in high school was a skater

[01:17:06] Jacob: Yeah dude I do need a skater because I need someone who can act and fall in love in the movie no I mean no I didn't fall in love but you know no I do that

[01:17:18] Yanis: Around here we don't do that I'm down though that action that actually sounds super fun though oh it's gonna talk about that later on that's gonna be perfect but ya know man right now is just that's the goal I want to I got emotional music but I want to portray that emotion in really cool ways I really do and tell me in the song that the skaters are for it's such a teenaged song like it probably gone tick-tock very well but like so I want to kind of give that vibe of like young

[01:17:48] Jacob: Love of not only loving people but loving what you do skating shredding and stuff like that just going in it right almost the look of like we broke into a skate park in the middle of the night to do this crazy **** love it so you know that's kind of all dude you guys think full circle you think full circle you think big picture you think long-term you think like patients your patient man breaks my heart because you want it all to come out right away but you know it's just building you're sitting there you're totally like piece by piece by piece the crazy thing is for that song the only thing I have ready is the song itself in the artwork for the track and

[01:18:27] Yanis: Then now that means that I have to create a lyric music video I got to create a full-length music video we got to go on promo I got to get a bunch about like six videos and tik-tok so one might start popping off on there so I can fire throwing my music on it see that's what I did on promotores hit me up - yeah head tick-tock

[01:18:44] Jacob: Dude that's the thing is it's crazy like being a you know like I try to sway away from social media myself but like you do get it does come full circle like constantly doing this thing is what fills your life with I'm always getting better at what I'm doing like me I was talking earlier about how I make my you know making my thumbnails and making my just the album arts for stuff like

[01:19:05] Yanis: Taking time to make those and not always trying to like because when you don't have the money for these things you got to outsource it right so a lot of these people in this podcasts are like we're talking about or start people start now and they're telling you like no I just had watched hours and hours and hours and hours of YouTube and when we learned how to do these things like that seemed like my brother did that with video editing and like I keep saying like there's a bunch of deities on my team it's a where we're living on Mount Olympus like that's about it bro yeah It's like because I'm where we were a group of three people for a long time was just me Max and Ryan max is my brother Ryan is his best friend max didn't want me joining the team so I went around his back and talked to his buddy Ryan and he was like hell yeah and now Max is very happy that happened but now we're just we're bringing in people finally after like eight years of doing this six years 2012 To 2020 eight years we finally brought

[01:20:03] Jacob: On three more people and that was that

[01:20:05] Yanis: Was just something that we finally found

[01:20:08] Jacob: People who were riding the same wave

[01:20:11] Yanis: People who like at this point the crazy thing is like I have all this planned man I also have to plan around like everybody else's schedule because we're as a record label how we're doing is we want to keep us in your ear the whole

[01:20:23] Jacob: Year right so buddy's dropping a song next thing you know he's dropping an album I'm dropping two tracks the next guys dropping a music video half-life is in your face it's good so that's kind of

[01:20:36] Yanis: What we're on but like I said earlier just you kind of get like you kind of get that's where I get anxiety like I just want this to come out ready I want people to see this I won't be ready like it was really what I'm feeling really like this fit photo that I keep showing you bro I'm so excited about it like it's it was the stupidest little thing ever but we sat there we laughed our asses off for a deal man it's is the deal it's a dope photo it's perfect for tea I like it I like how it like notches

[01:21:03] Jacob: It down I always love like when it's like a you know even a more serious part of a song or even like a more where you like we're the album art you see it you're like oh that's different than I expected but now I okay I think I do get this **** a little bit more you know you're always trying to like as an artist every piece that you come out with like whether that's like with the promoting of it with the actual piece with the performance of it with the lyrics video with the everything associated with it you're trying to paint a little bit of a picture of what you kind of meant and that's a little bit of I couldn't think you are yeah piece of you know so you're always trying to like communicate as fully as you can but it's **** the interesting thing dude an artist is like the most confusing person to understand in every way but also there are saying the most about themselves so the person who's saying like here's the here's the deepest parts of my soul and I'm disguising them with

[01:21:56] Yanis: This sort of language and people like

[01:21:58] Jacob: Yeah I love it's so beautiful don't understand you at all yeah we know you know like Jesus Christ Oh such a weird world but yeah I do not date an artist do not do it do you not date an artist you cannot do it

[01:22:10] Yanis: I mean Shaylee stuck with an artist she's an artist herself so it works out she's an artist she's she chose her art

[01:22:19] Jacob: Through dances what you said which is beautiful I need dancers I need everything right now at this point we're just like we're having fun with what weird hill laughing yeah no that's dude I've been doing that to like a lot of with because I'm getting a lot of people who are up off the ground getting buff again and we're gonna have like some YouTube creator de **** like that stuff you know and then we've talking to we'll get some musician days up here just makes it to make some shitty **** make some good happens oh yeah we were talking about that last year remember we were like two years ago you right when you were building your studio we were talking on Instagram and you're like yeah dude you should come over sometime when I get my studio fixed up and then we could just go crazy just join us and so it's like when I showed up for that last podcast I walked in here I'm like yes this is the place that you just come to release like just enjoy your damn

[01:23:08] Yanis: Self it feels good it's a good environment you walk in here and you feel like this is exactly where I need to be right now every time I feel that way it's beautiful in there man thanks man I appreciate that it's uh I had my friend Jay over and she's in she's like wow it's pretty intense to be inside your mind and I was like oh yeah that is true that I just exploded my brain onto the wall but I you know I take care of my mind now I love my mind a little bit very much I love this room and I love Mike I love being able to

[01:23:36] Yanis: Offer a comfortable place where people can come in here and like leave their skin at the door and hang up their mask and like just be their true real self and whatever I can do to make them feel that way it's something that like is inherent and harun me like I've always been like a host yeah you know I've always worked live events and such but it's cool to step into it and like have it's not like I'm like trying that hard I'm just like making it be authentically me down here like this is what I love this is what's very comfortable for me and what I would like to have if I came over you know someone else environment like thinking that way so Justin I said it comes across yeah man in like we're talking about that TV earlier you just like that makes me so happy I have no idea why like just googly eyes on a TV crying and the TV says I'm broken but I can be I

[01:24:24] Yanis: Can still be used for art like that makes me happy and so I'm not gonna lie to you yeah dude I think it was so I think the moment it happened when I wrote it so I told you I drew this I painted the face on it afterwards that was an afterthought uh-huh that's probably a year after the TV itself I want to say that I had some like dorky catastrophe where I where I had dropped it and I was bummed about it and some what I was trying to be like dude let's be positive and so I put it in front of the chimney like tastefully liked where it covered up the perfect the front end there yeah and then but I'm

[01:24:54] Jacob: Broken mike is still the user and I set it there and I was like that's on purpose you know so instead of it being like this broken thing I turned into really I love that because man how long ago was it that broke it's been probably two years they're probably a pretty expensive TV when you got it yeah I feel like to be honest Shaylee

[01:25:15] Yanis: Probably purchased that TV yeah like

[01:25:18] Jacob: Yeah and a lot of times probably expensive as hell when we first got it cuz those for a while those with like 600 noise people just get directly in a negative and I love that you said that because you just took that and you're like hey let's stay positive let's do something fun with it and that's why I like yes I'm sitting here and I'm like dude I would almost kind of turn on the TV if it was possible just so you could see it's broken but that's written right on it and you're just like it's almost

[01:25:39] Yanis: Like it's reused for a happiness yeah right it is dude you got to repurpose **** I mean it's the beauties in the eye of the beholder you got to see things differently a lot of times your first initial reaction is the sadness you know you dropped it you TV falls off the wall you're like what the **** this sucks because insulae what goes through your head is like I gotta buy a new and it cost this much and how much I pay for this you know but you got a that situation is going to happen what happens next is gonna happen regardless if you keep that I'm pissed off enough so if you can just throw in some sort of fun for your life right and right in the middle of that you stop yourself right into tracks and eventually if you keep doing it your life just your initial reaction is not even really like you know I feel like more and more you know things happen and sometimes they're just instantly silly to me that's just life reminded me about being one more careful where I wants my TV yeah and I mean with just

[01:26:33] Yanis: Kind of like we've been talking about this whole time that's the emotional enlightenment you've sat back and you're like why am i mad right now what am I gonna do about it and you're like I'm gonna put some googly eyes on it and then draw a Sun row you ever put googly eyes on **** though it's exciting yo what are you gonna do to people in your life it's don't tell them you have googly eyes but you start putting it on stuff like discreetly like do like two things in your home at a time and then like nobody will say anything Mike because they'll like snicker at it but not interact with it and then you got to put more things and then eventually if you want to put stuff on Mike in the fridge they'll definitely notice but there's things in this house that have googly eyes there's things that Megan Elam owns that still has googly eyes probably I think that I put googly eyes on my sister's car at one point they just make people laugh the googly eyes heard there are like bro whoopee

[01:27:24] Yanis: Cushions what the **** happened to that really like when was the last time you saw one of those he ever do pranks when you were growing up like were you prank her at all yeah but it was like me and my brothers so it was like a little screwed up like **** don't you just be an **** yeah you're just like it's not even funny it's just screwed up you're like why the hell would you do that **** yeah whatever we threw a cat off a bridge and so

[01:27:44] Jacob: You know it was with such a pranksters like we were those kids that like dude we're so stupid we thought it would be funny to throw rocks at cars while they were driving by no I've done that for students so much great you know I used to do airsoft guns like oh my god we used to shoot crackheads and then a laser pointers I swear to you there'd be where I had lived where there was so many Krakens on bikes we would try to

[01:28:08] Yanis: Get the crackheads we just refer to these people as crackheads crazy so you're Dickens what if we were to shine a laser light in their eye this is my upbringing Jesus it's so crazy like this **** that you did wouldn't you wear a little **** dude it's crazy to see it come full circle to cuz we like it was a while ago actually this happened probably a year and a half ago I was driving down the road and I was driving through Portland mean you know in Portland under a lot of bridges it's legal to set up tents and **** there's kids cut in class bare macing a bum oh my gosh it was unreal and it was a cloud dude it wasn't like pepper spray it was bear mace it was like a big-ass can't a in there no I think they were just having fun that's so crazy dude like these kids like they're gonna they have no idea that they're gonna have to grow up if I remember this yeah bro it's gonna be either way it's goose you do what you gotta do oh yeah there it is no yeah

[01:29:03] Jacob: Well swipe it off afterwards all right bro hey I have a question that so I've been trying what I've been trying to do is like when I have a random thought oh my god let me a cool podcast question just to ask like any guest at any time you know like sometimes when you're like ah what else do I want to talk about so this question was when's the last time that you changed your mind about something and if you can think of

[01:29:25] Yanis: Anything I'll give you a minute on that if you can think of anything that you changed your mind on like or you changed your perspective okay used to think this way and now I think this way like I changed open relationships now I'm a serial monogamist it's not something that I'll ever like I don't think I'll ever want to get into an open relationship but my

[01:29:46] Jacob: View of an open relationship has broadened and I think is the most beautiful thing in the world really do you think to the power of being able having such good communication with somebody in putting such a putting into perspective that they're not doing this to hurt me they're doing this for them mm-hmm it's amazing especially because you think about it we have one life on this earth and we as people who get in relationships pretty much put our significant others into boxes yeah and voluntary and sometimes you get in a relationship with someone who's amazing but they're polyamorous in you're monogamous hmm now for you have a decision to make either cut them off completely find someone new or talk about an open relationship see if something that's something that you're comfortable with and man I've gotten like I've been listening to podcast Shambu T she's a sex that uh sex specialist okay I know her I think I may

[01:30:44] Yanis: Be seen a TED talk or something yeah

[01:30:45] Jacob: Absolutely yes she's a smart lady she's like she was kind of talking about open relationships and it's over the past couple months it's just it's a whole new world to me it's like I said I'm not a serial monogamist I like the idea of hey one person in the world who's for me I'm for them that's beautiful that's what I want to do yeah but to like anybody who wants to get in an open relationship I'm like if you are strong enough to do so I have so much respect for you look for you so you changed your mind on that exact home you know I feel like I changed my mind on that too just listening to Aubree Marcus he talks about that a lot he's him in his ex-girlfriend or current

[01:31:23] Yanis: Girlfriend I don't know they keep I can't remember but they had they had an open relationship to it some of his perspectives on it I was like wow I didn't really think that I would change my mind on that but it's interesting to listen to people and change your mind about it also that sparks this **** thing he just did I was listen to his podcast this morning Aubree Marcus you know that is I don't he co-owns I'm on it with I think Joe Rogan owns like half a door third of it but like Alpha grain from on it they make like all kinds of like workout supplements workout your kettlebell tangible stuff but up yeah

[01:31:55] Jacob: I'll be mark has just got Noah the

[01:31:58] Yanis: Darkness retreat bro yeah Oh what that sounds scary darkness retreat so he's a dude he's savage he's done he's

[01:32:07] Jacob: Done like travel all around the world and done like ayahuasca ceremonies and DMT ceremony you know like all these **** different like ceremonies and like okay he explores him and he comes back he has a podcast him talks about he's great he's pretty into like just exploring the human mind I feel like you know post military is it done guy

[01:32:28] Yanis: No I don't think he's possibility I mean he may be it could be it could be off on that obvious either way I know he kind of has that put in that military vibe but I kind of savage but anyway he

[01:32:41] Jacob: Did a darkness retreat and he was just he was talking about like what you do is you go it's like six or seven days and you go and you have like a mind fold and

[01:32:52] Yanis: You're just in darkness for like you have a room so he said like the first day just getting familiar with the room yeah he's just like feeling it out whatever there's a window you can open the window but you have to have you like mind fold like it's full like head blindfold make sure no light gets in you have to have that on

[01:33:09] Jacob: Like anytime so it's like you don't ever

[01:33:12] Yanis: Want to see any light for these seven days like I think he had a way that people even took him on walks we think went on like small like walks and hikes and stuff like oldie I don't know exactly I didn't finish the whole podcast but huh either way a **** darkness retreat and he said it was like one of the most profound things oh dude I would love to do that alright

[01:33:29] Jacob: Imagine visual **** like if you loosen it absolutely exactly your mind is given is your mind is forced to create imagery for you right wait you know what's funny is it's not forced to create imagery it's not forced to hallucinate it's almost like it gets rid of it's like a like a sculpture you get rid of the clay that's not the sculpture it starts to remove the pieces like it starts to show you the everything that you truly are oh yeah I think I think a lot of the

[01:34:01] Yanis: Things that we have is as people the abilities that we have could be holding us back from learning a lot of things and that's why I like meditation and the idea of astral projection and things like that it's like it's so it's so

[01:34:16] Jacob: Profound and it's so like I believe it

[01:34:18] Yanis: 100% because we are capable of so much with our great minds that we just don't let ourselves delve into we don't we don't train ourselves in those things and so honestly I'm not gonna lie to you I think there is a very high possibility that psychics oh for sure oh I like what

[01:34:37] Jacob: What do you think like what when you say psychics like what pops in your mind like what do you think is like probably happening like what like what's a level of psychics I'm talking

[01:34:46] Yanis: About legitimate this is gonna happen in your life oh I don't know when I don't know how but this is gonna happen in your life **** I truly believe you ever been just thank you I have not I want I think now one thing is I want to go to a psychic really bad and I also really want to go to a therapist really bad not because I feel like I have any emotional or mental issues that I needed um I just want to get to know myself more you know and I don't think there's a better way to do that than to go through a therapist who is trained to make you open up parts of your mind I think you can do that by yourself yeah dude if you have a comfortable environment and this is a place that's been years and years of research of like how do we make this person the most comfortable that we can to allow them to

[01:35:27] Yanis: Express you know what's going on with them truly I mean it's the quicker you can get comfortable in that environment and with that person **** yeah awesome that's the sooner you can start to deal and deal with things in your life that maybe you wanted to deal with yeah and those are other things in my life that were a major change in my life that beliefs starting to believe in things like that and it's like I mean if you want to think about it on a scientific perspective what we're all made of atoms and maybe there's some sort of deeper connection between all of us in the universe and so that I mean I'm that's the thing like it's just to live in a mind state where you're like no that's impossible that's never gonna happen no I don't think that's possible at all why is that impossible man why think about it like why not an open

[01:36:14] Yanis: Relationship why not uh well I think people directly put it on to their life without thinking about other people's life so they don't even allow themself to explore into things very far like we said people take things that isn't really related to them and they take it to heart and it's the they're forced to show their own emotion over something that's not even connected to them in any way and that's one thing that I kind of thought about open relationships is uh one thing about an open relationship is you realize that uh they're not doing

[01:36:43] Yanis: This action to hurt me they're doing this because they need it for some reason as a human because like I've told all my friends I've told pretty much everyone I talked to there are people who are monogamous there are people who are polyamorous polygamists I don't know the difference sadly I should probably learn but there's a big difference and I think the best thing in the world that we can do is sit back and understand that there's more than just one way to fall in love because at that point we're hurting a lot less people because we're not choosing the wrong people we're opening up the communication lines and so that's why I've been opened up into like the whole idea of like the open relationship and the fact that I do this because it's something that I need to do and it shouldn't hurt you it shouldn't be it shouldn't cause you any sort of her motion because this is something in my life but then again sex is very seen as

[01:37:36] Jacob: A very sacred thing and so of course

[01:37:38] Yanis: It's definitely kind of taboo in

[01:37:41] Jacob: That manner but like it also comes down to just because you're in an open relationship doesn't mean you're **** right it doesn't mean you're going out and smashing anybody else the idea of an open relationship is you're your own human being I want you to do whatever you want to do if it hurts me sadly I might have to take my leave if not fine we'll get over it just be open to me communicate that to me tell me that right help me understand why you need what you need maybe we can build a stronger relationship based off the fact that I am NOT holding back what you need right some people need sex because the

[01:38:14] Yanis: Structure of how we live life is like given to us like here's how you live life and this is right this is wrong yeah as you get older you learn like oh okay like I don't have to take the structure that everybody gave me I can learn what works for me learn for works for other people and you could explore that it's interesting alright we are getting up here in time and I do have to pee but I do if there's anything you want to add definitely add it but let's start with if aliens came right now you're in the backyard you're smoking today my backyard I'm down here I'm taking a piss you're just like waiting

[01:38:46] Jacob: For me **** alien saucer comes down backyard he says you know that's what was good bro like what's like what

[01:38:53] Yanis: Are humans all about like what are you gonna say in what are you gonna say to him he's like bro like give me a reason a **** reason no pressure Though bro look I would I would first of all try to reason with him and help him understand that there are some people on this world who are empaths like us and it's mind-blowing that someone could have so much love for someone that has no connection to them but really since we both know that's not going to work the last twelve just do the thing just I mean I don't want to talk about politics but like if they came down here right now that would be very bad for America yeah we're Before our cocoon stage I think whatever we're in the havok stage of just eating a bunch of hot pockets before we go into our cocoon stage and to build our are smelly shitty hot pockets into

[01:39:53] Jacob: Wings somehow we're eating the hot

[01:39:56] Yanis: Pockets I think that's for the stage that's the stage yeah I think that'll explain to the aliens very well what's going on yeah they're like damn hot pockets that was like 12 million years ago right **** time to blow this **** off all right bro hey will you do me the

[01:40:10] Jacob: Favor and you don't have to do this I'm sorry I just put you two on the spot we say like good night from the chick I love podcasts where you seeing us out from the Junkyard Love Podcast me you got like a jingle something you could think of just a short little something let me think of something simple or something

[01:40:30] Yanis: Something whatever you want but it's

[01:40:38] Jacob: Junkyard coming at you fast yeah it's junky I love hold on let me try this is good okay is Junkyard Love coming at you fast is junk hot **** that up again I'll try again is Junkyard Love coming at your fastest Junkyard Love don't let the moment pass with Junkyard Love Jake Ryan's in the building baby we gonna take this pony on now tonight oh it's out oh yeah that's junk on this podcast have a good night peace out