# Episode 046 with Rapper JACE Saltzman - Killing The Ego and Stumbling Onto The Right Path

- Episode: 0046
- Date: 2020-06-21
- Duration: 2:07:28 (7648s)
- Guest: [JACE Saltzman](/guests/jace-saltzman/)
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FzLoWxATtU
- RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/851ab4b6
- Audio: https://2.gum.fm/op3.dev/e/pdcn.co/e/pscrb.fm/rss/p/pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.transistor.fm/851ab4b6/e08f5883.mp3

## About

This is a high-frequency conversation. Jace and I explore each others life experiences to find the correlations and teaching moments for the audience and for our retrospective selves. We talk new perceptions, change, growth, hip hop, fear, emotional awareness, addiction, rehabilitation, the ego, the possibility of opportunity, and much more.

Jace Saltzman's voice is new to the rap game, though you'll find his perspective to be refreshing and empowering and his vulnerability and courage to be intriguing and valient. Jace has a nice lens on his past and many years of hard work and resilience.

We talk about some of his upbringing, past lessons, and previous pains - as well as some of my own.

We explore his influences and passions behind the new drive towards music creation, we talk about masculine pain, emotions, and crying. We share some tools for others to hopefully better themselves and we unpack personal terms like ego, addiction, expectations, and intentionality.

I've gotta say, Jace drops some podcast bars on this one... lots of quotable moments as I was listening back. He's got the freestyle game, knowledge, and hunger.

I look forward to seeing and hearing where rapper JACE takes his voice and influence. You know me, easily inspired... but damn 'JACE' BRINGS that energy.

## Chapters

(none published in episode notes)

## Quotes

- "If I got a problem, I'm about a solution"
- "I love that stick your chest out typea shit"
- "I'm so obsessed now with the possibility of opportunity."
- "I'm already goin that way, wanna ride?"

## Guest links

(none published in episode notes)


## Archive picks

# Archive picks (not from published notes)

Extracted from the YouTube auto-caption transcript and published About already on this episode. Labeled separately from Jacob’s published About / Chapters / Quotes / Hashtags.

## Memorable quotes

- [00:17:12] JACE: “have a problem i'm about a solution that's how i am”
- [00:26:47] JACE: “love that i love that stick your chest out type of **** you know and i feel like that not only in music has made me what you”
- [01:54:05] JACE: “Possibility of opportunity right you”
- [01:53:33] JACE: “person working goes i'm already going that way you want to ride and like i don't want the ride though but i was like i would try to”
- [00:02:06] JACE: “know you have like a podcast voice i have a podcast voice i think you do oh **** yeah i think you kind of have that”
- [00:33:10] JACE: “so long because of fear of failure so it caused me to cover up those bad emotions because i knew what i was supposed to be”
- [00:58:47] JACE: “to like i'm such an emotional guy bro such an emotional guy would you hide crying though like i would in public you know what i'd even do”
- [01:05:55] JACE: “because now i've been clean and sober again completely with no alcohol no weed for like two months but where i'm going with this is after i smoked”
- [01:34:56] JACE: “after i showed you the BIG MAD because the BIG MAD it's like we out”
- [00:43:23] JACE: “instrumental and let me just freestyle over for fun that's learning that's great you don't have to walk out and be like i represented myself 100 it's like”
- [01:33:33] JACE: “you know ma why is stepfather acting violent like these are all real parts of my life but guess what i put it on the what's poppin beat”
- [00:41:59] Jacob: “making music and it's ego for two minutes and 40 seconds on a track right and then there's other times where it's vulnerability and me talking about what”

## Chapter-style timestamps

- [00:00:06](#t-00-00-06) — Opening bumper — better conversations
- [00:01:29](#t-00-01-29) — Episode start — we got JACE / podcast voice
- [00:14:24](#t-00-14-24) — Don't alienate your human emotions
- [00:17:12](#t-00-17-12) — If I got a problem, I'm about a solution
- [00:22:40](#t-00-22-40) — Perspective / newly hopping into hip hop
- [00:26:47](#t-00-26-47) — Stick your chest out — hip-hop as sparring
- [00:33:10](#t-00-33-10) — Fear of failure / denying the call to music
- [00:41:59](#t-00-41-59) — Ego / purpose / can't fit yourself in one song
- [00:58:47](#t-00-58-47) — Masculine pain / crying / vulnerability
- [01:01:14](#t-01-01-14) — Rehab / addiction stories
- [01:05:55](#t-01-05-55) — Relapse night / clean and sober again
- [01:34:56](#t-01-34-56) — BIG MAD track / real life bars
- [01:54:05](#t-01-54-05) — Possibility of opportunity / take the ride
- [02:05:37](#t-02-05-37) — Outro — Mixcloud / take care / peace out

## Keywords

JACE Saltzman, Rapper JACE Saltzman, Killing The Ego and Stumbling Onto The Right Path, Junkyard Love Podcast episode 0046, JYLP 0046, ego, hip hop, freestyle, addiction, rehabilitation, emotional awareness, masculine pain, crying, fear, opportunity, intentionality, BIG MAD, Richard Grannon, Joseph Crum, Jacob Rhines

## Hashtags

#JACESaltzman #RapperJACE #JYLP0046 #JunkyardLove #KillingTheEgo #HipHop #Freestyle #Addiction #EmotionalAwareness #JYLP

## Short guest bio (from episode speech + published About/links)

JACE Saltzman (published as Rapper JACE Saltzman) appears on Junkyard Love episode 0046 — Killing The Ego and Stumbling Onto The Right Path. Jacob’s published notes describe a high-frequency conversation exploring new perceptions, change, growth, hip hop, fear, emotional awareness, addiction, rehabilitation, the ego, and the possibility of opportunity. JACE’s voice is new to the rap game, with a refreshing / empowering perspective and vulnerability. They talk upbringing, past lessons and pains, influences and passions behind music creation, masculine pain / emotions / crying, and unpack ego, addiction, expectations, and intentionality. Published RSS quotes include “If I got a problem, I'm about a solution”, “I love that stick your chest out typea shit”, “I'm so obsessed now with the possibility of opportunity.”, and “I'm already goin that way, wanna ride?”. Inventory has_quotes=yes / has_timestamps=no / has_hashtags=no / has_guest_links=no (Instagram/SoundCloud CTA stripped from About).


## Transcript

[00:00:06] Jacob: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love podcast at what age do we learn how to have better conversations at what age do we learn to have better conversations with ourselves hey and welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast where a majority of the episodes i'd like to give a little bit of quick recommendations to the listeners right before the episode begins so today's recommendation is in the form of someone to follow on YouTube a YouTube channel his name is Richard Grannon his YouTube channel is Richard Grannon philosophy uh it's just richard and then g-r-a-n-n-o philosophy i stumbled upon him uh i like came upon one of his videos and he's talking about uh like complex PTSD and so i just started listening to him he kind of just like sits on his couch or sits in front of like a white board or you just try to explain these concepts and what he's learned uh getting through PTSD is uh he's got advice on drugs and addiction uh he's got advice on looks like sexuality guided meditation uh forgiveness just a lot of great stuff so

[00:01:29] Jacob: That's Richard Grannon philosophy on YouTube remember this is just something i'm sharing to you it's free man you could do this you if you're ready to handle these things and you're ready to go you know take care of yourself if you're at this step where you got some stuff that you know you want to try to get a hold of you know you can do it you can start just tiptoeing into it and learning about it you don't have to go full bore you have to buy a course any of that just go on YouTube and maybe learn about it like listen for 10 minutes once a week and then maybe you know in a few weeks you can listen for 20 minutes if it really catches your ear so you're capable man let's get going to the podcast we got JACE let's roll

[00:02:06] JACE: Dude do you know you have like a podcast voice i have a podcast voice i think you do oh **** yeah i think you kind of have that

[00:02:13] Jacob: That welcome to the late show you know i actually uh i was talking with my last podcast i had with Joseph Crum um we were talking about how he uh when he was younger like how he got into singing he loved doing like he was funny guy he like doing impersonations and stuff like you know like you make your voice deeper like uh Garth Brooks or something yeah um and i actually always loved doing that like that was just super fun thing for me to do and um acting like i loved acting too

[00:02:40] JACE: And i feel like i don't like actively participate in these things now uh-huh but i feel like i do just naturally have like i've probably heard enough podcasts i actively listened to podcasts and while he's like the show host like the Ellen DeGeneres role is always fascinating and wonderful when you study that so yeah i feel like maybe i accidentally like or subconsciously rather body it

[00:03:01] Jacob: Yeah you probably do i'm just i'm taking notes with alan degeneres i love podcasts too i've always i mean i've watched do you watch the breakfast club yes yeah sure every one of them

[00:03:10] JACE: I mean love the breakfast club big fan of that but uh joe rogan also a great one too

[00:03:17] Jacob: But they're just you can actually get on there and learn yeah bro isn't that crazy i mean that's the thing about podcasting in general like even if it's just not every podcast is educational but i feel like it's such a way to learn so many people are brought to podcasting because they want to learn something about you know something they're already interested in exactly and it makes it enjoyable and you get to go through that process of the growth in the same swing you know and a lot of the times it might not even be growth but it's like okay maybe this guy got on the podcast and act how i don't want to act on the podcast because i saw the reaction you know it evoked but then i see kanye get on and i'm like **** i wish like at some point that i could be in such a solidified spot in my life to where i can come and speak my mind like that you know and not be worried about what is susan jake and chris gonna think if i pop off on this podcast like this you know like that is so it's so hard to grow out of that it's so hard to like we're

[00:04:20] JACE: Always we're always strangling like ourselves like trying like trying to filter ourselves to make sure we don't say the wrong thing um dude we're like we're under there just trying to breathe we're trying to figure out what we really want to say but we're like i don't want to offend anybody because like that's the thing man i think

[00:04:36] Jacob: We just got to trust each other that like you know none of us are purpose perfect we're not going to always say the right words we're gonna like flip over our sentences and stuff but like if it's all love it's all love like it's like i'm not coming from a bad place like if i said something wrong we could talk about it and i didn't mean it probably but exactly and it's like jake you can say anything that you want and i don't have to agree with you but i still love you no doubt you know what i mean like it doesn't have to be this boom we're gonna butt heads and you know have a brawl over and that's what i love and i am a very opinionated person i've gotten a lot better with it in the past but i love what you said before about like we're trying to breathe because that's how i feel sometimes and you know how when you're around somebody and like me you don't know my background too much but you know when you're around somebody and you do know their background so you

[00:05:21] JACE: Literally will say **** to like fit into

[00:05:25] Jacob: What you think that they think is the right thing yes bro that's so real and it's funny you do the **** out of that yeah and it's just weird because it's like at the end of the day we shouldn't have to do that but we've been kind of conditioned you know yeah we have been conditioned i mean it's like this like i mean even from a young age like in the western world is i guess the whole world probably but like you grow up it's like you start acting out you start being loud in a position where like your parents are trying to keep everything quiet and it's like a stop no shh like you should shush like it starts there like this um and that's not even just a bad thing that's just like how we have to live in the world but yeah it adds up in so many situations where or like people policing like i you know i have my cases of people pleasing hardcore i'm just trying to

[00:06:12] JACE: All back up so my when i'm like

[00:06:16] Jacob: Projecting where i'm going like okay like maybe they're into this so let's talk about that thing like you know you're saying like uh you know some of their past like so you can bring up that and have that relation with them we're always looking for like ways and same grounds to have relation on and so it could be a bad thing because we could treat somebody as we think their past is or we could make it a good thing and like maybe start there if there's nowhere else to start i guess yeah and then address it like and it that's a great point because you can find common ground so even though you have differences you're coming from a point of connection versus a point of arguing or conflict right you know and i feel like if we base things off that love then it gives us an opportunity to step into a different type of realm versus i'm gonna attack you and you're gonna attack me and we're gonna see who thinks my opinion's right and if more people think mine is right than you then i'm right

[00:07:13] Jacob: Right that's a crazy way to act and we get caught up in that **** i mean the craziness that's going on in the world there's a lot of that you see like on social media you know especially in our small town a lot of people are just they're so caught in the nets they're so caught in their own mazes and the mazes were laying out for each other on accident without knowing it yeah it's a mess and i appreciate that you see eye to eye and you reach you reach for conversations and you see new people and people with love first man i think that's a great thing that's powerful it is and i think it's important too for people to understand that like you don't always have to be feeling that way in order to like go into that you know

[00:07:49] JACE: Like you can have a negative feeling inside you and still go into something in a positive manner right yeah you can see that you got that negative feeling like okay maybe i have a bias towards this thing or this person that i'm approaching like let's not meet there then yeah like let's start somewhere else i don't know how it was for you when you were younger like were you the type to like spaz on somebody if they had a different opinion um no i was never really spa i wouldn't really spaz i would like backpedal and then i would i would backpedal and not stand up for myself but then i would kind of look at what's going on okay and then i would see how i can try to approach it again so mine was always like a like i'm right behind someone's dance and i'll see if i can okay well now that i understand you a little bit better let's see if i can outsmart you almost so mine wouldn't be like a pop off but i would try to like almost get back at them and make sure they know that so you had some tactical you had some

[00:08:40] JACE: Tactical approach that's good in every way you're an innovator so i feel like that's something that comes along with that is finding the right way to approach things yeah i mean that's my growing up was like teaching myself these sort of things is literally just watching other people like everything that i know the way that i internalize things like as an infj to uh myers-briggs like i

[00:09:03] Jacob: I'm always watching people before i approach the situation it's like a it's a i'm always trying to find where to meet people at like i'm always trying to find that common ground and it's not even like this thing where it's like i'm so a peaceful i can find you yeah i don't even it's just what my brain is naturally doing it yeah it's what my brain does and i have to navigate the world like that it's not it's not easy like everybody has their thing and the way they process the world that's just how i process mine exactly what did you so you said what was your upbringing like what was your brain type like back then so just give you a little background uh my mom was the one who raised us my dad was around but he was never like in the household i grew up with three other women so it was my little sister my big sister taylor you know and my mom so uh it was crazy man it was crazy my mom's in recovery now but addiction throughout my whole family you know my mom's been married five times so a lot of different people in the household and stuff like that but uh

[00:10:02] Jacob: I don't know i always felt like my mom

[00:10:05] JACE: Really showed me how to be self-sufficient

[00:10:08] Jacob: Okay you know so she gave me that kind of boldness i remember we were talking earlier just about like being in a household and you know sometimes they're like be quiet or you're supposed to do this or have your manners at the dinner table like i didn't grow up eating dinner at the table you know all right but i listened to my

[00:10:26] JACE: Mom be very bold and that gave me permission subconsciously to do the same thing with people around me

[00:10:35] Jacob: Right yeah so it was something that i'm really grateful for and like a lot of people can look at certain situations and you know take one thing from it but i'm super happy like we didn't you know have the biggest house and **** like that but like my mom taught me to fish and now i can eat forever you know like oh yeah so it's dope and i always try to look at the positive side of it you know i know a lot of people can get like resentments towards their parents and stuff which is a total natural feeling you know walking into school and maybe you don't have the right outfit on and somebody talks some **** to you and then you're like well **** dad if you were here and you would have gave me **** then no doubt i'd be fresh and i'd be in the circle with the cool people instead of over here looking at a certain dad you did this to me by not buying me that jacket that i said i needed yeah as a young kid we will formulate our entire like existence off these things if we're not careful we will yeah we will and it's a very scary territory

[00:11:28] JACE: It is to make that your ultimatum

[00:11:31] Jacob: Right bro but it's you know i think a lot i think we stumble into it a lot like um a lot of people our age year old say between 20 and 30 i feel like nowadays are just you know childhood trauma like that's a huge thing that we're like working through and a lot of it is like for me it points to where i was doing stuff like that like i would see like all the resentments that i would have towards my mom and it's like well you know you justify them in such strange ways as a teenager and um and like even if you get to a point where you accept them and you're like okay i do feel these things like here's what's going on then you kind of have to look at like okay i was like acting out because of that i was i was changing the

[00:12:10] Jacob: Way that i would interact with this person because i am mad that they weren't this thing for me at this age and i've kept that going for seven years you know what i mean exactly you get to a point where you're older with the parent stuff where it's like you've got to really start seeing them as just a separate that they're a human being living their life and you're a human being living their life you took the words right out of my mouth

[00:12:28] JACE: Man that is the best way to put it they're a human yeah hey it's hard as heck i mean i have i've got i talk about my counselor like i struggle with a lot of family stuff still yeah um but it's where you gotta be you gotta just try to remind yourself like i'm getting mad at them i'm expecting them i'm wishing they were doing these things for me at this moment but i'm not inside their brain i can't be yeah no and like just like we go through things that shape us to be the people we are like we weren't there when our moms and dads were growing up no

[00:12:57] Jacob: Man they could be repeating the same cycles that they went through you know and like we're lucky enough jake that we have an opportunity to where we live in a time where you can go on this phone right here and you can get so much positive information along with negative information you'll be the you be the you know dictator on which direction you're going to go but it's incredible yes it's nothing

[00:13:19] JACE: Short of incredible

[00:13:20] Jacob: Yeah it's a it's a lot for us to like deal with but it's so great that we can deal with it and we can learn from it and grow i mean dude our this generation like of people who are just absorbing all this you know the childhood trauma stuff like that whole corner of the internet it's gonna be beautiful in like four to five here it's like in crazy ways like we're gonna understand each other on such intellectual levels it's gonna be great it already has i mean just think about like the conversation of

[00:13:45] JACE: Anxiety 20 years ago right they would people would walk away they wouldn't even like let you finish talking they'd like i don't even know you're not even speaking english be like dude you're a **** get over yeah like what so you're sad **** man up bro exactly when it's like a lot when it's like that is such a real thing and i have a friend who actually is going through like severe almost to like a disassociation point of anxiety right now so it's like really been heavy on my heart and i can tell when i talk to him that like i've never felt anything like that and so that makes me really feel for him and it makes me like understand that

[00:14:24] Jacob: We can't be so judgmental right off the rip because we don't know what other people are feeling right what do you so that part you're talking about how you like because you felt your own pain like you felt the human emotions like you but you're like i haven't felt this like what you're particularly feeling like you are able to recognize like what you're going through is something that i haven't had to deal with but i can i can empathize with like i'm feeling that you can recognize that i think so many people it's not an easy thing to do at all but like being able to recognize that is a powerful position a lot of times we're always trying to understand like from experience like um as much as i'm always trying to draw in my life like how can i relate to this person with what i've been through a lot of times it's like dude i didn't even i can't even imagine what you're going through but like that typical thing of letting yourself slip into their shoes you know like put yourself in their shoes it really is so powerful so powerful and you could do that for a second like

[00:15:19] Jacob: You did like hey man i feel this and like it's something it's next level yeah but it's real

[00:15:26] JACE: And so what do you just as a homie um say we've got say we've got a listener that they've got homies who the listener doesn't deal with too much anxiety themselves but they've got homies who do okay i always want to give a little bit of like here's something maybe you could say this maybe you could give them this example maybe you could be this sort of pillar for them um same situation what do you got advice

[00:15:49] Jacob: I love that i love that and

[00:15:50] JACE: So my biggest thing in situations like

[00:15:53] Jacob: This is number one over anything i have to be there right so i have to validate these feelings because i know that if my friend is telling me something then it must be what he's actually feeling and so after i validate that for them it kind of takes some of the power away from it you know because i'm

[00:16:10] JACE: Revalidating to him that it's

[00:16:12] Jacob: Okay that you're feeling like this and not only am i saying that i'm saying i don't feel like this but i still think it's okay for you to feel like this you know and then number two it's i really gotta be there so not just over text like when this happened a week ago it was with my really close friend and me and jc hopped in the car and we went and picked him up and we went to portland and there was nobody there because like the code and stuff and it was just cool and you can see like people slowly start to transform outside of their feelings when they have other positive humans around them whether they're still feeling the emotion or not it makes them feel like okay i have support yes you know because when you're by yourself especially like you can really convince yourself in your own head cavity of like this is the absolute truth this is what i am i am this thought i am this wrangler of this thought yes you know yeah like and what you pulled him right out of it but i like how he said validate validating his feelings so i think that's a hard one um

[00:17:12] JACE: I always have to remember with myself because i'm such like an advice giver i'm like bro i got the answer like because i have certain relationships with certain friends that like it's been that for so long that it is like they're coming to me for that yep and there's that but there's also times where i'll get too carried away and i got to slow down myself and be like hey say are you okay like hey i love you listen everything's gonna be okay make sure you don't forget to say like this really i get that like explain further like let them get it out um address that like hey man this sucks i'm so sorry like not just run write it sometimes i'll run right into like here's what you've got to do bro what did you meditate yes that's me i never want to like push people **** like that no and i always too because i'm about if i have a problem i'm about a solution that's how i am

[00:18:00] Jacob: Okay and so it always puts you are just conditioned if somebody comes to you with the problem to say okay how are we going to figure this out which is such a great quality in a human being right like you're not just going to sit on the couch and go oh i'm **** you know you know what i mean like there ain't no way i'm getting out of this stuck here forever yeah because the thing is some people do that **** yeah let's keep it real some people do that **** you know and we don't know what they're going through whatever but i know it ain't gonna work yeah i know you're gonna feel the same way the next day you know and so for me i do that too but a lot of the times even with my text and **** now jake like i'll write a response and i'll be like

[00:18:38] JACE: Oh that's too preachy oh yeah i'm

[00:18:41] Jacob: Always doing that yeah you know so but i'll still say what i wanted to say but like you were talking about before with approach i'll still say what i'm gonna say but i start my conversation differently and then i bring it in as like the closer right you know because dude i mean that's we got to remember like we know our in the people who are contacting us about this stuff like we're close to them a lot of times we know them it's like hey remember like they're sensitive just like you and you know you know specifically like if it's your good homie like i know how he's sensitive so i'm going to make sure i don't poke that button i'm not going to prod that bull on my homie like because you know i just as a human myself i got places where it's like you poke me there and i'm like you know yeah everybody's got that too me too when you know that you're homie or your family member or someone you love listener is in that spot starting with that like that validation is so great yes that's great advice

[00:19:32] JACE: Um i want to so talking about upbringing i was it's been floating in my head and i got i could be freaking wrong but did you grow up in south kelso um in hud housing yes

[00:19:43] Jacob: Yeah bro i lived right by you so yeah yeah so i got a vic my family got evicted from those like the yellow duplexes on the 9th okay yeah you know i think i just remember because i think i remember like your sister was always around like i don't think we were friends but i like knew who she was or something like that of course of course yeah i can't remember like i'm too maybe we played hide and seek together probably yeah we were probably out there doing some finessing in the neighborhood yeah it's crazy uh it's so i mean obviously it seems like another lifetime ago but it seems like someone else's life when you think about like childhood like the older i get the more i'm like man that was like my life was just so different like you get back you get disconnected from it you know especially because a guy like yourself you take the bull by the horns and you make your situation look different right you know and once you make your situation look different it's very easy for you to forget where you came from right you know and

[00:20:40] Jacob: That is such a good thing to make your situation look different but i always like to like you just said you had that thought think back to that moment because that's a way i can pull gratitude into today yes you know is like i'm so grateful that um my whole family has put themselves in the position to not be there anymore you know and like you

[00:21:03] JACE: Get the opportunity to show people that even though that's where you came from that you don't have to stay there

[00:21:09] Jacob: Right you know yeah that's cool yeah thanks for pointing that out too i think it's uh a big thing with me is like making sure i'm not bringing resentment with me too like i have a lot of like you know i gotta work through it and that's a big thing that i'm trying to do is like you know i'm working through my **** out loud like i don't wanna got **** figured out man i'm trying to figure it out though because i think that their strength in just telling people like let's fail together let's do it out loud let's you know let's try there is there is and

[00:21:34] JACE: I love that point because for so long i thought i had it all figured out man

[00:21:40] Jacob: Thought i had it all figured out and it's crazy to think about the times where i thought i had it all figured out in my life when i look at him now i'm like man you were real you were tripping knucklehead bro yeah you're really tripping tell me you know and it's just like now you get to and i love what you said because when you stay green and you reaffirm that you have

[00:22:00] JACE: More to learn and more to become that's

[00:22:03] Jacob: Exactly what happens yeah you know every day is something new to learn man yeah every conversation everybody knows something you don't and that's the truest thing ever like that is the most true you can't even like argue with it for a second everybody knows something you don't everybody and even if they don't let's say it's like everybody does and it's like you can look at somebody say okay that's what i'm not gonna do right yeah you know it's something to learn from him something to learn from you know what i mean so it's like to have that perspective i think is worth more than anything no doubt uh let's talk about perspective man i feel like you got a great perspective and i'm excited that you are

[00:22:40] JACE: Newly hopping into the writing game yes and by writing i mean i mean hip hop rap

[00:22:45] Jacob: Man you've been starting making music lately i think that's so great um i you know i see things so i had a comedian on um uh Joseph Crum great guy

[00:22:58] JACE: And i like i was i kept calling him or like referring to him when i was typing it back up as a funny philosopher um and i've i'm really obsessed with philosophy the last couple years like learning it in my own way um exploring

[00:23:10] Jacob: What it means exploring like with comedy is kind of like pointing out the edges of the stuff like we got to make fun of ourselves so we know what our edges are and where we can push them and know that we're being ridiculous um philosophers you know are always like hey here's how reality is and here's how we're going to mess it up if we're not dumb and you add historians here's what happened before and whatever but i you know if you look at like what future what our future like or current time has done to me it's this like incredible just big old bowl mixed of like cultures in um like there's not just a philosopher now and not just a poet but there's like music makers who are trying to communicate those same things that philosophers and poets and writers and stuff are always trying to communicate you're pulling something from your brain that's not here in physical reality you're trying to write it down you're trying to say it over some lyrics um you're trying to create a feeling out of nothing right exactly and it's almost like channeling yes you know

[00:24:09] Jacob: And okay channeling bro uh for a listener who has no idea what you're talking about you're getting a low download okay so and i'll just i'll be real brutally honest with you guys too so a year and a half ago if you would have told me something about channeling i would have looked at you like you were crazy okay um luckily i have an amazing woman who has came into my life since that point and who has put me onto spirituality and channeling and things like that and so like on mother's day for example

[00:24:34] JACE: Okay i had nothing planned jake nothing planned at all i'm driving okay we're in a red leaf drive-through and all of a sudden i get this overwhelming feeling to write something and so i pull out my iphone i pull out my notes and i start writing this poem for my mom now when i'm doing that it doesn't feel like i'm consciously doing it feels like it's very natural and easy and to me that's what channeling is it's when you are very connected with real raw feelings and so the stuff that's go i feel like

[00:25:07] Jacob: Martin luther king was probably channeling you know like he had such a strong

[00:25:13] JACE: Feeling inside of him in such beliefs that it allowed him to go in front of people and let that overcome him and that's why people were like well and i've noticed that when i create outside of channeling it's a lot different what do you mean create outside of channeling like with other people where it's not like your creativity no i mean i feel like i create in

[00:25:37] Jacob: Different states okay and i appreciate each state that i create in but there's these moments where i'm like this is it you know yes and i can be around people for sure you know it's definitely not i have to be alone but it's like it's that feeling when you think you got one it's like when you're in the studio and you're like and everybody's like this that's it yes that's six that's the one that's the single we're putting out before that because it's gonna go bro you gotta get yourself there even if it's not you gotta say that it is like you've got yes like if nobody ever believed in themself like literally think about it if nobody ever believed in themselves what would our life be like who is the people who are supposed to believe in themselves the ones who are supposed to change things and supposed to write incredible things and just make music right like they got to believe in themselves and that's why i love russ ross bro i love i love russ and the

[00:26:30] JACE: Whole rap community takes a big **** on him it's funny i think that's a ploy bro that's a weird thing oh you know you know what it is it's insecurity because he represents everything that they don't

[00:26:40] Jacob: For sure you know and that's why they attacked that man and guess what does he say it in the most

[00:26:47] JACE: Humble way of course not it's hip-hop it's hip-hop it literally hip-hop was created on standing in front of somebody and telling them everything that you are better at and everything that's wrong with them and pulling all their demons up that's what it's built off of it's a sport we're sparring yeah and we're gonna see who's better you know and so like i love that i love that stick your chest out type of **** you know and i feel like that not only in music has made me what you know what i'm going for but like in everything in my career with sales

[00:27:20] Jacob: And everything like waking up and saying you got this you got to you know there's so much in this world that's trying to tell you the exact opposite every day bro exactly and you know what i

[00:27:31] JACE: Believed it sometimes

[00:27:33] Jacob: Yeah and you know you know what helps me really believe that i can win is staying disciplined yeah discipline equals freedom that's what jocko willing says discipline equals freedom and you know what most people think the opposite yeah you know you ain't really free just because you don't got any obligations the more obligations i have during the day the better i feel about myself the more i think i can win period yeah bro you gotta it's just like i wrote that don't strangle it on the sticky note here like that's how it is it's funny because you think of discipline and you think that's strangling it but it's like you already know what you want the discipline is how do you get what you know you want yes something like that yes exactly like that exactly and then you have a plan of action yeah you know like you turn the dream into a goal exactly and you lay out this see for me i feel

[00:28:29] JACE: Really like and for the viewers too um

[00:28:33] Jacob: Like maybe you don't like to wake up in the morning right like when you wake up maybe that's when like you're feeling the most depressed and you kind of take a while to you know come to life and start feeling positive and getting those endorphins going and stuff like that like try before you go to sleep

[00:28:49] JACE: Have your exact day mapped okay like have your exact day i know when i do that and i wake up the next day it's like i feel more excited because i know what's going on like this morning i got to wake up and get on my bike and exercise and then get some fruit in me and then i

[00:29:06] Jacob: Knew i was coming here to do this podcast and just so everybody listening like of course the first thing i think is i haven't seen jake in a long time probably going to be some anxiety before i go there right yeah you know what it's going to take us a few minutes to get the ball rolling and connect like who knows who's there who knows what kind of mood he's gonna be in you know what i mean who knows who knows if we're gonna buy and i'm a perfectionist man so it's like i want it to go perfect i want to say all the right **** well you want to show up prepared but you're also showing up for something that's like it's you know a conversation it's not like an interview it's a conversation like let's see where we go from what we relate on you know not so much something you could super prepare for exactly and that's the beautiful part about things like this yeah you know is they but the point of that is to is to commit i knew once i sent you that dm and you said yes i'm coming it's on i'm

[00:30:02] Jacob: Coming you know so like but the hard part isn't coming it's sending the dm in the first place and committing right you know dude it's huge and it seems so overly obvious but there's so many like there's so many weights lifted off our chest that it would just be just send that dm bro like if you want to work with that rapper and you think your beats are tight send them the **** man like what could happen send it like he says no like all right well where were you before yeah same place maybe he reads it and doesn't respond at least you know you tried yeah and then you know what that's going to build a muscle to where the next time you try to in one time they're going to respond right we're dude we're and i say we're with a hardcore mirror right in my face finger right at my soul like we're so afraid of failing you know i try my hardest like i try to

[00:30:51] JACE: You know i try to wear my heart on my sleeve where i can i try to try to fail out loud like i tried especially with my music and stuff like because music is i've been djing for a long time but music production and like singing and playing piano like i love it but i know that i'm not super good at it so i really try to fail out loud and like i'll even post it on social media because i think that there's nowhere in this world we're so we see everything through the eyes of our media now that we don't see failure anymore bro we just see amazing people we see six-year-olds who are just playing a harmonica and a keyboard with their toes and you're like **** what can i do man so we don't even try bro so we don't even try we don't even

[00:31:28] JACE: We not only try like don't get a try because we're like there's a part of us we're like i can do this i really want to do this i want to go all in like i want to really try to be a musician i really want to try to be a rapper i really want to try to be a whatever there's that so we get crippled to not even do that but we also get crippled to just create and creativity is something that all humans should be able to partake in you should be able to sing and **** up you should be able to play piano and hit wrong notes like you know you're not the one who's going to be on stage performing for hundreds of people anytime soon but like it's for you it's enjoyable yes and you love it you know and that's what and that's what it boils back to is that

[00:32:01] JACE: But you're so right and we get crippled by the thought of dealing or you post that picture and it don't get enough likes and then six hours later you're like oh i'm **** taking that **** down and then when you take it down you're like who's gonna see that it didn't get enough likes and i took it down bro that is some weird **** that we put ourselves through

[00:32:17] Jacob: I mean i mean it's crazy and you know i'm speaking from my own my own stuff you know but it's we get so

[00:32:24] JACE: Obsessed with somebody else reassuring us that what we're doing is what we're supposed to be doing instead of trusting our intuition right we're

[00:32:35] Jacob: Pretty we're pretty disconnected from our intuition yes do you think do you think in order to get more in tune with our intuition we need to be willing to fail i do i do i think that we need to be willing to take a hard look at what the world's trying to tell us right because i feel like everybody has a gift and i feel like some people's gift is to be a nurse and help people and some people's gift is to be an amazing teacher you know i know for me with music i always knew it was it for me always ever since i can remember just

[00:33:10] JACE: I love it when i hear music when i write when i rap in front of people it's what makes me feel alive see now i denied that for so long because of fear of failure so it caused me to cover up those bad emotions because i knew what i was supposed to be

[00:33:29] Jacob: Doing and i wasn't doing it so i was feeling such bad emotions that i'm like okay well i'm gonna drown myself in this substance so i don't have to you know what i mean so i don't have to look at the hard facts in the mirror which is you are being called to do something and you are not doing it right it's magical man i think it's beautiful i think we're

[00:33:50] JACE: We all got something that we could like

[00:33:52] Jacob: Man every single listener wherever you're at in your car headphones wherever it's at like there's something inside of you that you know exactly what it is for you bro like it's yeah even if it's garyvee said this thing one time i was like that's so real he's like if making smurf shirts is something you love doing more than anything you love printing smurfs faces on shirts and selling them and it's your passion you just love smurfs and you think they're and it's this your thing that is your you love it so much like what are you doing not doing it damn it like what are you doing and i love me some gary vee man yeah great perspective and that's so true it's so true and it's so hard

[00:34:29] JACE: Sometimes because people are like

[00:34:32] Jacob: God a smurf shirt that's a dumb idea even though i love to do it you know you know someone's writing it down you know but then once they act and once they actually swallow the pride and they you know start making them and they realize that

[00:34:46] JACE: Maybe susie likes smurf shirts too that's

[00:34:50] Jacob: The that's the revelation that's the

[00:34:53] JACE: Point where you're like okay this is it and this is where even bigger than that comes in maybe everyone hates them but you love them right so keep going exactly keep going see that's the thing is we think that we're all trying to get there's like this one they right there's this one like i got to make something and it's got to meet this standard like if you're making music you're making hip hop it's got to be able to go right head to head with little wayne and biggie and like all the it's like what like i'm not trying to insert the thing i'm making to be competition with other things i think that cripples us sometimes the um being afraid to fail a lot of times is a lot of times because we're at the starting line of the wrong race like we started with the wrong why like we think uh here's a good example um i had a guy that was an electrician that was like doing something here and uh me and me and homie were here and we were working on some stuff and he came in and he was just being polite he's a really nice maintenance guy but uh his natural thing to say

[00:35:52] JACE: I don't hear a lot when i work at warehouser is like um oh man one big hit that's all it takes is one big hit and like i would always hear that and then he said that and i it made it click like oh he thinks that like getting famous is the end goal here he thinks that like getting to that level of like what i'm doing is to get to that

[00:36:12] Jacob: And that is a symptom of what you're doing that is if you get to that fame and people worship you and people listen to your music to me that's like you know in making

[00:36:25] JACE: Deals and making money off of your **** yes that is a symptom of just putting your head down and like doing what only you can do so well

[00:36:32] Jacob: Yes right and i think a lot of times we start at that finish line and we but you know back to failure we failed the race because we're at the wrong terminal we're not even at the right place we're about to race we're about to race the 400 and we want to do a long distance man yeah so i think just start

[00:36:50] JACE: Starting with your why man like that i think i mentioned another podcast start with why by simon sinek that book you probably read that i love it and i have read it and simon sinek he's next level man yeah he is next so i love his perspective on stuff but the fact that you were in a place jake to even

[00:37:06] Jacob: Hear that and dissect that's not where you're going for because i feel like we were talking about media before it's like

[00:37:15] JACE: We are we see the billboards that's what

[00:37:18] Jacob: People glamorize right or the car or you know the perfect looking person who

[00:37:25] JACE: Behind closed doors isn't so perfect and so those are the things that we go for and we forget that most of the time the people that are on the billboards they're coming from a true genuine state of creativity and that's just a product of it yeah you know we like them because they're able to be so original like that's what we want yeah we want to be that within ourselves and i feel like the whole world it's all just feeling

[00:37:51] Jacob: Right it's feeling so like when you hear that record like when you hear that record and you're like yep you know like you feel you feel you know or like when you have a really good friendship you know like you just feel it yeah you know and so like i'm trying to feel more instead of

[00:38:07] JACE: Look for my gratification

[00:38:10] Jacob: In other things right i feel that because it's so temporary yeah in things it's so

[00:38:17] JACE: Temporary like and it gets less and less as you keep going like at least for me i always know growing up i was like okay i want this and then once you get it and you still feel the hole you're like oh **** oh

[00:38:29] Jacob: Yeah it's like right away too like oh yeah that hole's there yeah it's like right away try to keep doing that thing you just keep falling just keep chasing that carrot on a stick without ever asking yourself what character you're chasing yeah exactly and then it's like and then it's like for what and you talk about the they and that's what it's for is for they and we're supposed to do stuff for us yeah you know yeah and like truly be able to because guess what if your intention is to make somebody else feel less than by what you

[00:38:58] JACE: Have like i know personally how that feels

[00:39:03] Jacob: And like it's just the wrong move it's the wrong move like it's the wrong move not for them for you because at the end of the day i know my whole goal and everything and you know i feel that with you too is like i just want to be happy yeah you know yeah i'm just trying to live this life man yeah i just want to say that i did that i really tried to do it at least you know like i want to say that i put my head down and like explored this life and i experienced what i really wanted to experience i'm so glad you just said that too because when i put the first song on my SoundCloud you know what my thought was because i had been thinking it for years and i feel like this subconscious thought led me to so much bad in my life is what if i die and nobody knows i ever wanted to make music or this is what i am and so when that first song came out it's like nothing matters after this

[00:40:00] JACE: I don't have to make one more song i have to make one more song people know this is what i wanted and this was me and whether i have some vulgar **** in there because that's what i experienced or that's what i grew up looking up to and thought was cool that was your life it's me

[00:40:15] Jacob: Yeah it's me and you can like it or hate it i love you yeah bro you know what i mean like i love you listen i'm grateful for that and even if you don't listen you hear people saying that's what i'm doing like you know what i mean so it's like that's where the that's where the hot spot is for me you know like yeah

[00:40:37] JACE: That's important man we get caught up with i feel like i come to places with my music and my like creation my sound art and poetry and stuff that i like

[00:40:46] Jacob: Like i'm not trying to make something that people will like which is you know with music you get that's a slippery slope because you can't be dumb and ignore the audience like i get that yes but i'm also who i am what i'm trying to be is you know in my heart i feel like i'm a revolutionary like in my heart i want to push the edges of music i want to make new kinds of music i want to i want to

[00:41:08] JACE: I want i want people to make edits of my music and make it better like maybe they remix the idea that i had because maybe they're like he lacked it on this and i want to make sure it makes sense or something like i like i'm not doing it to be liked i

[00:41:24] Jacob: Want to do what means the most to me what means the most to me is like creativity and like trying to push the edges of it not trying to get it right yeah the juices i hear that with you a lot and you know it's brought me a great amount of perspective because i'm so the opposite yeah like when i hear you like when we were over here before we started the podcast and you're like you know and you can just fail and mess with it like when i go in i'm like **** i need something that's gonna **** work you know what i mean and then like it kind of takes you because here's where my mind goes is you know

[00:41:56] JACE: Drake made Toosie Slide for TikTok

[00:41:59] Jacob: Right you know what i mean so like you see things like that and it puts you in that room but it's like i also want to stay true to me and i know when i'm doing things out of that reverse engineer state although they might be what's popped it kind of takes you away from the straight line that you're supposed to go in your true purpose you know but i really love what you said also before we got on the podcast is you could never explain yourself in one three minute and 30 second song no matter how hard you try much as we think we can we're like yeah this represents me it's like dude people haven't figured out they don't have you figured out now bro right yeah and it's different because there will be times where i go into making music and it's ego for two minutes and 40 seconds on a track right and then there's other times where it's vulnerability and me talking about what i really went through in my life and shivering from withdrawals and like real **** and like feelings are fickle right you know like one day you can wake up jake and be like i'm **** jake bryan's baby

[00:43:03] Jacob: You know what i mean and then the next day you can wake up and be like damn i mean that's how i feel for real already yeah you know and so like i see different spectrums and i want to create off of all the reality and not minimize it yeah dude we got to explore we got to be willing to fail we got to be willing to like try out other people's **** like all

[00:43:23] JACE: Right let's how do i get it to be like that like oh okay so Drake made this for tick tock like let me try that out like but don't get too caught up like if you get in the booth and you're like just play that Drake instrumental and let me just freestyle over for fun that's learning that's great you don't have to walk out and be like i represented myself 100 it's like no i'm put back to my craft yeah i'm learning it like okay i tried this style of hip-hop because it's going to make my vocal structure better in this way now my lips know how to move in this specific way man give it 20 years of just like trying **** and not settling for any of it and you're gonna be and that goes back to what you're saying about not being scared to fail yeah and it's so important and like in caring what people think too much

[00:44:02] Jacob: Right you know because then it really just halts uh bro this is like at least you got a great catch on board i've been eyeing it i'm unplug this real quick but uh give me the lowdown of uh give me a little down of your start with music because i know because i want to make sure i cover um your smart business man too like you've like i want to make sure we you've got some info from the books you've got some info from real life experience from being a salesman you've met a lot of kind of people you're good at people um that's super great and i love how you're like you're taking that and putting it into a more passionate thing so let's skip before you were a salesman tell me about um like when you were younger when you first got into hip hop itself like you remember what you were listening to yeah who you were listening to yeah so like i was the i was the kid who like fell asleep to uh eminem you know you know eight mile everything like that uh when 50 cent you know first started coming out and he had you know in the club and all those types of records that just

[00:45:06] JACE: Went i knew early on that was something

[00:45:10] Jacob: That i was overwhelmingly excited about you know like because when you sit in a room you know some people like some people see a fidget spinner and they're like that's their **** and then other people like what the hell is that thing like this was you know this was my thing and so i just got so indulging in it you know i just wanted to hear everything and now that i've grown old like i love i love asap rocky no doubt because of his visuals and his flow like i love people for i love russ because i can just see the genuine human being that he is and like he gives me a different perspective when i go to his Instagram page i see him with his mom yeah you know and like i love that wholesome you know and then like i go to future and i hear him say you know you know he's basically pissing on him yeah he's you know he's at six other people's mom exactly but i love him as an artist like

[00:46:11] JACE: He brought me feelings like in a type of energy and swag that i love

[00:46:17] Jacob: You know and it doesn't mean that i condone what he does yeah that's some silly dude we get let's we gotta get caught up real right here really quick so put a pin in where we were at but i actually had um in this similar sense of like people thinking i represented when r kelly like first started getting like it was like the case came back up like a year ago where he was like he did some **** up **** and i was playing not even an r kelly song but it was one of those songs where you'd be like wait what song is it is r kelly it's like something it was like shaggy or something like that like something that you'd think with our kelly and this girl who was drunk she comes up to me with a finger in my face like do you know what r kelly has done like freaking out on me but and i'm like hold up yeah you think that i'm right like i didn't pause the mic and say yo this song i'm about to play i condone it and piss on your friends

[00:47:07] Jacob: Piss on little kids because that's what this **** does like what yeah i know like dude i'm doing my job i'm playing like i don't have time to listen to what's going on in the news right now like i mean there's certain things you like just don't play this song in that certain environment but exactly we do yeah like you can

[00:47:23] JACE: Love something about someone like future man future is such a talented rapper he's so in his own lane he pushed the boundaries in so many ways he gives you that feeling bro lyrics lyrics and especially with hip-hop lyrics and a beat are trying to communicate a feeling to us anyway bro and future gives us that feeling it's not so much about i mean i'm again i don't want to condone everything that he does myself but like yeah it's uh

[00:47:49] Jacob: You're so you always vibe off of like you're a feeler like you're always like this makes me feel i want to see what that's about like exactly and with music even on my way over here like i'm picking my songs in consciously this isn't subconsciously i'm consciously thinking what type of mood do i want to be in when i get out of my car and say hi to jake you know what i do say yeah you know so like for me that's what it does and the fact that people are able to bring you that

[00:48:17] JACE: I have to understand that those people are people and just because they're famous does not take away the fact that they are constantly making mistakes exactly like i am right you just like that's where i get a disconnect i gotta be honest with somebody because like for me it's like just because they have a hundred hits doesn't mean that they're not going through the same **** you are it doesn't mean cause he's kevin hart

[00:48:41] Jacob: That he might not end up at a pool party and sleep with another woman and get **** on for it right you know what i mean like we're as a human being we're people we're and guess what do i want to do everything possible to set myself up to where that never happens because i love my woman so much and i do not want to hurt her of course yeah but do i learn from kevin hart exactly yeah dude we get it

[00:49:07] JACE: When you could just look at things through the lens of like not trying to find what you don't like about somebody but like i think when music lovers have this thing that a lot of people that non-music lovers sometimes don't get and it's is that like i'm not

[00:49:24] Jacob: It's i'm finding what i like about you

[00:49:27] JACE: Like i'm finding what i like people who are like hip-hop fans and like oh okay like because do you like all genres of music like do you i do yeah so you do so like just finding i'm not trying to represent it i'm not trying to say that this represents what i believe in i'm just saying like this person made me feel a certain way and that's amazing like as human beings on this world like why aren't we just trying to have different experiences and different musicians could give us different experiences yeah you're open to them though exactly exactly you got to be open to it and i feel like a chance we get so caught up in our own agenda

[00:50:01] Jacob: That it's hard you know and i totally understand you know what people are doing when they're coming at you in that certain circumstance is they're trying to bring you to where they are and i did that stuff too with my friends and stuff you know because you want you feel validated if people think what you think and you get offended when you don't right you know but like that's how i know like when i talk to you like i know that you are in a process of growth no doubt yeah you know and like that's how try to be upfront about it man that's what i'm yelling it from the mountains like yeah i'm not **** perfect man by any means and that and even by saying that it allows you to have other people come into your life right you know like and what i mean by that is like some people might have been intimidated by you know always a cool kid in school always was able to get around in the social crowd you know and by you saying that i'm not this one thing and i'm going

[00:51:06] JACE: Through a process of

[00:51:09] Jacob: Enduring all qualities of life and accepting all different perspectives gives people the opportunity to say he isn't he isn't just this one thing even though that is a part of him so maybe he'll understand me and where i'm coming from and give me an opportunity wonderful that's a great perspective i'm glad he pointed that pointed that out for me too yeah dude you gotta do just giving people that open slate just allowing them to grow allowing them to you we tried to define ourselves in three minutes and 30 seconds we try to find ourselves in one podcast like i'll get new time podcasts on here and they'll text me afterwards and be like hey you can you can delete whatever like i kind of rambled whatever and i'm like hey you're good yeah you are good yeah you didn't no you didn't represent exactly who you are and if someone listened to this and they never met you in their life they know exactly who you are no because that's **** impossible yes you can i got almost 50 episodes you don't know who i am but until you say that to them see by

[00:52:09] Jacob: You being in a spot of growth jake you are enabling people to feel better about themselves because then you get the response you don't respond like this oh yeah i'm definitely gonna cut that out it was a little outlandish and rambling but you hit him with the response that you say yeah it's okay and guess what

[00:52:26] JACE: You got next time yeah that's what i love i hope i **** up come on again i hope this i hope this track doesn't go the next one's gonna yeah dude you know what i mean and then that's that chip on your shoulder and i love that **** because i've been like back against the wall my whole life so like that's the attitude i've always had you know like i woke up to a dirty **** alley growing up before i went to school you know what i mean so like that for me that stick your chest out

[00:52:50] Jacob: And i feel like that has contributed to where i'm at but now that i used that to build a solid

[00:52:59] JACE: Backing as far as being taken care of

[00:53:02] Jacob: Now guess what it's time to work on

[00:53:05] JACE: Being humble yeah letting other people

[00:53:08] Jacob: Have their opinion even though you disagree right i got a question for you what do you think for you started

[00:53:17] JACE: Your process on self-reflecting and

[00:53:21] Jacob: Really trying to open yourself up to go to a next level spiritually in other ways yeah mine was um i mean long story short like suicidal as hell like it was uh it was like a lot of things compounding and it was almost with the suicide thing it was almost like started to be my personality to me

[00:53:42] JACE: Like i didn't realize i was i've had this i had a moment

[00:53:47] Jacob: Where i literally had put a gun a physical gun to my head touched it with my temple and it was like there was no moment where i was like uh like i wasn't instantly aware like did i just put a gun to my head what am i doing what the **** like it wasn't grossed out by the gun

[00:54:05] JACE: I was i like could look at it afterwards and be like okay so that's exactly how far away it is huh and it's um and so in but i didn't have the ability so that moment wasn't super profound to me when it happened it was retrospectively later when i was like what the ****

[00:54:20] Jacob: So i was so caught up in who i had made my identity to be because i thought i needed to be these things or deserve to be these things um but so in around that same time

[00:54:33] JACE: I did have like one night where

[00:54:36] Jacob: Like that train of thought like woke up of like a what are you doing like where i needed that i needed that part of me i needed that spiritual side of me that person who wants love that jake who just wants to live life and be a human and just experience love before i die like that part wasn't didn't have the reins but it was so like shoved down in inside it was there it was there yeah it was there but like so in the gun moment i was down here before i had like redone anything it was like just kind of a basement that i would uh you know like i did my dj work down here in **** but yeah um but i essentially like i didn't realize it but i didn't have that awakening moment of like what are you doing like put this gun down get what was it like curiosity or was it like well so okay so i had i had like around that moment i don't know if this was like within weeks or whatever but i had this other moment where that part of me did come on it came online okay um and i was we were out having

[00:55:36] Jacob: Drinks uh it was like probably two years ago now but i was out with shay um in like did shea know how you're feeling so no so that's the thing is like the way that i am i didn't share like i didn't i've in my

[00:55:51] JACE: Eyes in my head i've raised myself since i was nine years old that's how my so i am very i have to do it on my own like i have to keep it in my head and i mean i'm way better at this sort of thing now but

[00:56:03] Jacob: Right um yeah dude i had this had this moment where essentially we were drinking too much and i felt a little tipsy um and i got behind the wheel and i literally grabbed a bag of blow out of my wallet and i did a bump like in front of shaylee and like she's known that i've done it before like she lets me live my life whatever yeah for sure um and i did it in like it was like right away it was like this moment of like this **** light that flew into the car that was like what are you just made this normal what are you doing bro you just you're sobering up with a quick bump because you had too many drinks so you could take your girl and it was like looking at her like what are you doing you know what i mean and you love her so that you know that disappoints you yeah and so and so i think that was like the

[00:56:44] JACE: Avalanche um and that was like that was a little bit before halloween um in i had like a really bad like emotional breakdown um after a halloween show yeah and it was but it was instead of doing it on my own which i think that night would have been like a very not safe night me versus me sort of situation um where i like texted shaylee i called her like before i left the gig and i was like you have to stay up please like stay up and that was something i didn't have i didn't have that thing that was like willing to make the call and be like a weak man and like this is how i'm feeling yeah and i was like you got to stay up because like i'm not doing good and then essentially like that night i got home and it was like

[00:57:21] JACE: I had to leave uh i had to leave for a show out of town in the morning or something but i was like five hours four hours of just like bawling in the shower of just like um just being vulnerable and like shedding like literally there's a moment where i was just like naked and she's just like stroking my hair and i'm just like bawling it was like this crazy healing moment that's that moment man that's that so shoes i mean she's yeah she brought me back to life in so many ways but um yeah so i had like that defining moment essentially my spirituality like there was nothing like that there for me like i always had this like savage like you can do it like you can learn anything you have you can but there wasn't ever this like the spirituality that awoken me was

[00:58:00] Jacob: Not something that i got back from childhood it's a new it's something new that i had never felt before on this i can definitely relate to that i can definitely relate to that and i'm so grateful for anybody that's listening that i have had the opportunity to look into that side you know because i feel like you can only get so fulfilled from the other end of the spectrum and i can tell talking to you especially about that story and thank you for sharing that's very personal stuff and it means a lot that you're able to come on here and be vulnerable and yeah i feel like i feel like i got it oh yeah and a lot of people have felt like that you know what i mean and so the fact

[00:58:37] JACE: That we're able to have a moment

[00:58:42] Jacob: That is so painful and hurts so much

[00:58:47] JACE: But i can relate because like the crying thing i used to like i'm such an emotional guy bro such an emotional guy would you hide crying though like i would in public you know what i'd even do like i would like just avoid the situation completely because i knew that crying would be a symptom of it right you know so like that would be the thing but now like not only do i cry about like happy moments but like when i'm sad and i gotta let something out like you gotta let that **** out and whether that's you walking into a field and screaming at the top of your lungs or you sitting by yourself and crying

[00:59:23] Jacob: I urge you yes to literally especially for men yeah bro because we feel like we are not allowed at all no not at all and like it

[00:59:35] JACE: Definitely i think brings

[00:59:39] Jacob: Anger holding that stuff in you know like for sure i just know that i'm in such a more peaceful spot and like less spiteful did you did you have a moment like um you want to talk about that what was your moment what was it like what led up to this too like what was your life like i've had many moments so i've always struggled with addiction my whole entire life um and i

[01:00:02] JACE: Always was missing something i didn't know what it was but uh you

[01:00:09] Jacob: Know the other things that made people happy didn't make me happy and i always wondered why like you know how sometimes when like a group of your friends would be like oh we're like going to this game and then like you're like okay and you go to the game but at the game the whole time you're just thinking about like leaving and doing something that's really you know you're watching them have fun exactly and so for me like i could be in a room full of people and still feel alone and like it didn't matter no you know significance as far as the things that i was getting or anything like that made any difference so like we were talking about before

[01:00:44] JACE: I want a solution and my solution was

[01:00:47] Jacob: Drugs you know and because when i put them in my body i didn't have to feel those raw real emotions well and how do you get good at a social situation you put a little lubricant in it you put a little alcohol booze whatever exactly and then you start to feel okay and you hang on to that feeling so you're like okay i can just feel okay any time i want it's a store away you know or the dope man's house away or whatever the case may be it's all the same thing

[01:01:14] JACE: So i had many breakdown moments i've been to residential rehab you know and then i've gotten out and

[01:01:20] Jacob: Made the same mistakes you know and so this last time around

[01:01:26] JACE: Though and just growing up and

[01:01:30] Jacob: I've had a ton of those breakdown

[01:01:32] JACE: Moments but what's helped me now

[01:01:37] Jacob: Is literally trying to have an ego

[01:01:40] JACE: Death because i feel like my using

[01:01:43] Jacob: Was always out of ego bro for you to like head on say like i need to have ego death like that's savage that's

[01:01:51] JACE: I mean it's a it's a painful confusing

[01:01:54] Jacob: Like damn especially for men yeah because

[01:01:58] JACE: You publicly too yeah exactly

[01:02:01] Jacob: I mean in like and what i mean by it was based off egos my using is

[01:02:08] JACE: You're self-absorbed literally

[01:02:12] Jacob: When i'm in addiction i'm only thinking

[01:02:14] JACE: About making myself feel better how self-absorbed can

[01:02:19] Jacob: You **** get right you know what i mean and when

[01:02:24] JACE: Nowadays when i wake up and i get a workout and i get to go to work and i get to make sure our situation's handled and when my mom is having a breakdown i get to be there for her

[01:02:37] Jacob: That's what i'm high off of epic yeah you know like that's the **** where it's a real feeling and it's not one that you can buy yeah it's not from an external source yeah it's something that like only you being meticulous and um present in your own life can bring and i really want to share this too because okay so this is how the last three years looked for me jake okay yeah lay down three years ago i got sober for real for real i got on an airplane mind you i was in my career excelling

[01:03:16] JACE: Very well in my career okay uh

[01:03:20] Jacob: But using heavily everything anything okay numbing it out yeah numbing it out i made the decision to get on a plane one morning leave my career that i had spent years building and fly to my sister's house where she was at the time in san francisco and detox on a couch okay and good for you man you know and i'd already been to residential so i'm like you know what i know what i need to do i just need it i just need to do it you know because like i've never felt like i didn't know what i needed to do i always just chose to do differently and so i go to my sister's house and you know i stay there for like 30 days and i'm talking to my boss and **** and he's like luckily and of course when you're selling a lot for a company they're going to take you back no matter what you know what i mean kind of thing but yeah but also they were there for me you know they knew what i was going through and stuff like that so i came back long story short i came

[01:04:20] Jacob: Back i had a lot of people telling me you need to not go back to this career it's very stressful

[01:04:24] JACE: I think it's a big part of the reason we're using i contacted many people that i respect to get their opinions and uh i decided to go back to the job because i also know something that i want in my life and i'm not afraid to say it is massive financial stability

[01:04:38] Jacob: Because i understand what that can do for me and my family and that's something i've always been attracted to now it's not my god before it was you know so i'm able to see differently through that but so long story short i stay sober

[01:04:54] JACE: For two years in a couple months right

[01:04:57] Jacob: And then me and jc uh we're at our house one night and i'm having like teeth problems teeth problems right my **** teeth are hurting okay and i'm not being able to like shut my mouth because i've like gotten some work done on my teeth right and i'm feeling like i can't believe i'm even telling you all **** but hey we can edit this out if you don't want to no i keep it i like it so i'm having like teeth problems and i had been sober for like two years and four months and my life looks great bro

[01:05:30] JACE: We just bought a new house we just got engaged you know everything's going well and now i'm not a salesman i'm a sales manager i got more freedom i got time on my hands but in that moment i'm like i deserve something i deserve something

[01:05:44] Jacob: So i'm like babe and jc is a **** writer you know she knows that drugs and substances aren't good for me if i want to do something she's going to let me do something even if she doesn't support it

[01:05:55] JACE: Right you know what i mean so we hop in the car and drive to the weed store okay i hadn't smoked weed in forever and i'm gonna be real honest i've never been this honest about something but we go back to the house and i'm thinking **** yeah i'm gonna get a smoke this weed and i'm gonna feel better bro i smoke the weed and start having like a **** panic attack because i haven't smoked in so long but where i'm going with this is for because now i've been clean and sober again completely with no alcohol no weed for like two months but where i'm going with this is after i smoked that weed that night something happened where little by little okay then i started then i told jc i was like all right i'm just gonna smoke like every night i don't do it at work so it's good you know so i was smoking every night and then we went to italy right we went to italy

[01:06:46] Jacob: And then of course i'm flying overseas so i don't have weed on me and i'm compulsive and an addict so i'm like all right i think i should drink jc oh **** okay you know and so i drink in italy and then i go home and then i look back and i'm like geez man it's been like four months since i decided to do this and i've drank like 120 out of 120 days like this is not not good right so that thing pulled me in again didn't it exactly and where i was going with this is your question you said did you have a breakdown and so i did and it was such a ****

[01:07:19] JACE: Blessing man because i got to

[01:07:22] Jacob: Realize that just isn't for me you know and if i am doing it it's just i take away my god shots i feel like you know it's kind of this weird thing where i put myself in a position to where i miss a lot of things that i see when i'm sober you know yeah so it was kind of like one of those things and now these past couple of months like it was just kind of crazy like covet happened and i had the opportunity to start doing music and i started looking at my job differently that allowed me to not have such bad feelings around it because like i knew what purpose it was serving right you know and so that was kind of like my in the shower moment you know and i cried and i told jc i was like you do not deserve this you know cause like it you know how it is like maintenance **** like i go hard bro like i go hard so like if

[01:08:19] JACE: I'm drinking or something like it's

[01:08:22] Jacob: Is there's gonna be some throw up some **** you know some nights where i just pass out on the couch like we'd go to see we went to see uncut gems a movie with adam sandler all right and i go in the mood theorem passed out 30 minutes later you know just from smoking a drink yeah so are you going to enjoy the movie are you going to like try to find a place to get **** up at exactly and it's like at a certain point it just for me i know it's not what i'm supposed to be doing it's not what my purpose calls for right just feels right yeah it just feels right to be sober like it feels like i'm my true being oh yeah man yeah i

[01:08:59] Jacob: Think that's beautiful i think it's uh it's so cool of you to talk about it on a podcast too because it's such a weird thing like what's so uncomfortable it's like with me when i talk about it i'm like dude like you know i'm i know that i'm supposed to be doing these things but there's also this part me that i'm like well like i also have to like work like i have to like do like people don't want to like hire a dj that they know did these things yeah i mean like yeah and it's but it's i think what's more important than me being able to put on a perfect shirt and tie and make that appearance so i can get corporate gigs i think what's more important is helping **** out in the music and creative world who are killing themselves so you know like the fact that you see that means everything yeah i gotta do it means everything man and it's so true and

[01:09:46] JACE: Guess what if you can't be truthful in your environment maybe it's the wrong environment yeah you know that's what i ask myself because i have those same thoughts especially in such a public thing like sales yeah you know and then to switch directions and like even when i made my music page

[01:10:01] Jacob: I had the owner of my dealership's

[01:10:04] JACE: Daughter follow it and you hear yeah

[01:10:08] Jacob: What's in my stuff so of course my first thought is like oh **** you know oh that's so that we do we get so boxed in with that stuff yeah this reminds me this is a good um

[01:10:19] JACE: When it comes to like making like a music page or like an artist page like i have a friend who is like she's been doing fitness forever and she like doesn't feel like she's like the most perfect trained personal trainer like she doesn't have like that look as all the other girls um so she feels like she doesn't want to post as much on this like she has a side page an Instagram page um

[01:10:40] Jacob: That she wants to be motivational like hey i ran these sets of stairs like hey i had some struggle with my you know i hadn't argued with myself about my diet this morning um i won though i ate this instead you know those sort of things yeah like just being real with people and motivating people on where she's at and stuff but um she i for exactly what it was but it was essentially some form of like real fitness people followed her or something like that and so she like all of a sudden feels like well i don't wanna like i i don't i don't know **** compared to you guys so like then we feel caged in and boxed in by like what our image needs to be like what we're posting like yes like if you had like you're gonna be a lot less afraid to be creative and just like put out whatever wherever you're actually at and whatever your actual thoughts are if you know this people aren't going to like try to rip you apart for it right afterwards or potentially it's crazy and that's such a good point because with people following you like you were talking about before they once they tune in then you might

[01:11:38] Jacob: Start doing stuff differently you know and it's hard it's a hard line to walk but i feel like you have to just embody yourself you know and you have to and it's a muscle to build

[01:11:52] JACE: Right like i don't feel like all of a sudden you should just get your phone up and be like this is how i feel about this and that and put it on your Instagram story but it but it's uh it's saying that one thing that you

[01:12:04] Jacob: Didn't want to say but you know it's true to your core right once and then it kind of builds it up for where the next time you're like i am going to post this even though it's kind of provocative right

[01:12:15] JACE: Right like i've said it like what are they going to say now like it's like yeah like whatever you have to say is just about that thing it's you obviously don't have me figured out yeah but it's again you know we do get boxed in again just with like we can't represent ourselves in any of these social media **** like we can't like even if you're like this is my music page like it still doesn't represent your music no like there's you know you're pushing your music on it you're sharing your music there but it doesn't represent you or your music or this side of you or like dude we can't we can't summarize a human being with one page you can't and so many times i'll consume content and then i'll meet somebody and i'll be like okay

[01:12:54] Jacob: You know what i mean like it's different yeah you know in the best way possible because guess what just because you created something this way doesn't mean that you're bound to it right you know like i'm i feel like i'm genuinely a nice guy you might listen to my track and be opinionated about a certain type of thing and be like the **** you know what i mean or think ego or think you know what i mean so it's like no that's how i express myself right you know i mean that's how i express myself when i'm in my zone that's how

[01:13:26] JACE: I feel i am giving you that feeling

[01:13:30] Jacob: Not to mention i understand the law of attraction i'm speaking things into existence you know what i mean so it's like the

[01:13:38] JACE: The juice is knowing that

[01:13:43] Jacob: You can be you and the right people

[01:13:48] JACE: That the universe wants around you this podcast has shown me that crazy oh i can imagine i can imagine you've had so many moments where you're just like wow yeah i'm just like bro like synchronicity i think like you just like after the podcast we take the headphones off and there's like this moment where it's always like damn bro like i don't know why of course there's the energy of just two people vibing of course there's that but there's also this feeling for me of like that's you okay yep that's you're doing that thing you do whatever that is you're doing it yep and you are on your purpose yeah it feels like that and you're bringing it out of people hopefully man that's what i want to do so grateful to be on this podcast and

[01:14:30] Jacob: Thanks bro and to share truth you know yeah and like you are providing an opportunity for people to do that and it is just amazing yeah bro a place to be human in a world where we're just trying to bite-size each other and we're trying to we're trying to like just point out each other through to me social media and just technology and the way that our world works now has got us a little **** up man it's like and it'll grab you and it'll tame your it'll tease you with your bad wolf you know but like once you start feeding your good wolf you can start saying like okay i can help people in these certain ways too exactly and it's hard right jake it's hard yeah like and we can sit here and talk about okay you know you need to meditate you need to just do it and **** like that but it's hard it's hard jim rohn a very successful entrepreneur that i've always thought he said getting rich is easy it's really easy

[01:15:26] JACE: Because the things to get rich are very easy to do but they're also very easy not to do

[01:15:34] Jacob: You know damn in when i hear rich i'm not talking about just money i'm talking about relationships i'm talking about health i'm talking about peace of mind i'm talking about being able to walk into a room and not be crippled right by the opinions of others and i see it on my life on a daily basis man like a couple nights ago i had the pizza and the soda and i woke up and i'm like ****

[01:16:01] JACE: I get more and more like that nowadays

[01:16:03] Jacob: Yeah and but this was the cool thing about it is i took a step back and i'm like okay i've been doing so good on eating that putting something bad in me affected me this bad you know so like it was cool to see that and then i was like okay time to get back on the right track cause like guess what there's days when i wake up and i don't run or i don't lift or i don't listen to my motivational tape or when i come home and i've had a rough day at work i take it out on my fiance and then i apologize after yeah you know and it's like those are character defects that are alive and well in me yeah but those things that

[01:16:41] JACE: We do talk about help me

[01:16:44] Jacob: Greatly to fight those absolutely do you do you ever i think that a huge thing that a lot of people because i used to get caught up in it too is the

[01:16:57] JACE: The give me a sec i lost a train no you're good uh oh identifying ourselves with

[01:17:09] Jacob: Oh uh i'm like losing it in and out identifying ourselves with that moment of like so say you're like i've been killing my diet for four weeks in a row this is as long as i've gone i'm killing it what's up like i've been going to the gym and then you have that day where you're like off like where you just don't feel it you don't make it to the gym you feel crappy you eat a whole bucket ice cream like whatever a lot of times i think what happens and what i would do too um in the bucket ice cream things huge overeating was such a huge thing for me too yeah just feeling so shitty after ova eating like it's almost like you want to feel just the pain of overeating not even the joy that's it yeah but it's so what happens i think is we get caught right **** here and we identify ourselves right here we try to say like okay this is who i am like i fell off that diet like wait hold up

[01:17:55] Jacob: You just did this thing for 30 days and then you had one day where you **** up or two days where you **** up and now you failed the whole thing what are you talking about what are you talking about yeah so that spot right there where we try to identify ourselves and we try to say this is who i am i guess me and our egos like yeah **** your pieces of **** eat more ice cream **** like stay in your cave you're safe in there you can just do this forever you could do this forever and then you got like no ego **** you bro exactly like we did it i'm back on track tomorrow yeah i'm back and maybe the day after that i'm gonna fall off again but then the day after because i know you gotta it's again starting with your why if your why is an alignment of like

[01:18:31] JACE: I know that i'm not doing this to see how many days in a row i can do it i'm not doing it for these reasons that other people are saying i'm doing it for like to see the edge of my health like i want to really learn about my health so that's why i'm dieting and i want to feel my best and yeah i do feel pretty good so let's explore more into that like yeah i had a day i slipped off but i get to learn more about my body tomorrow when i feed it better

[01:18:54] Jacob: Yes exactly and you get it like see that doing those right things does make you feel good yeah and doing those it does you know and you get it like enjoy it all yeah i remember like you had a post one time gosh this is from so long ago i bet you're gonna trip out that i remember this i do some people for some reason people hella remember my facebook post i'm very preachy on facebook bro i don't even remember what platform it was on but you were talking about dieting and you said uh you said sometimes you just gotta work out so you can eat the pizza that's what you said and i correlated that with a lot of different things than diet you know but stop being so hard you don't have to

[01:19:34] JACE: Abstain right if you don't want to and

[01:19:38] Jacob: It goes back to your time with your why you know but like don't beat yourself up about it right you know because like we want to get better but you got to understand that sometimes genetically you're different than other people it's going to take you longer yeah that's just a fact you know what i mean like so we put ourselves in this box and you know we tee ourselves up and we say oh this is what i'm gonna do and i'm gonna write this down and stuff like that but like don't let the detour totally **** you know and like allow yourself to be human and i feel like that's why for me like lately in my life i'm just trying to like show love man like i wanna i wanna support people you know and i want to tell people that they can do it and then really like put action behind them and like show them you know that like they can because i don't know even though like i had a rough upbringing and stuff like i always had people around me that were like you got something yeah you know you know

[01:20:42] Jacob: And it took you a little bit for you to listen to it folia exactly well and also i like kind of like that i don't know if i liked it that might be the wrong word i became accustomed to people knowing me the like person who was like selling dr you know and like in the party scene and like kind of like defiant um you know i became accustomed to that and so i'm like all right well **** people think it's what i am i'm gonna do it right you know yeah i feel like with me it was like i was accustomed to like trying to be the rebel like i am the rebel in a lot of ways like i've always been you know wearing the crazy **** since i was i just love that it's just because i like different stuff than other people around me is what it is but yeah a lot of that like i want to make sure everybody knows that like don't use the word we around me because i'm not like you guys like i want to make sure that's **** prevalent yeah and you know that's a beautiful place to

[01:21:37] Jacob: Be but it's also a silly place to be when you don't like you don't need to put yourself there like you could be like people in so many ways that's beautiful too you can be like them and be so different yeah bro you know like that's such a good perspective to have and it allows you to not miss other people's gifts and other people's perspectives you know and being able to

[01:21:58] JACE: Learn from them because i know like

[01:22:01] Jacob: When i do feel like that it just makes me really shut off the outside world you know and

[01:22:07] JACE: It's okay to be unique yeah

[01:22:10] Jacob: But not be so this is the only way you should do it yeah i mean it's it you know it's so hard to be understood in the first place like that's what we're always i want you to understand me and then there's also this like you don't understand but there's also like uh we can get you know same thing like with your homie we get so trapped in our own heads of like sometimes we think that our problems are like bro nobody thinks the crazy thoughts i do like nobody **** like no bro you don't know like that we all think that we all think like no bro like my thoughts are dark my you know my past you can't nope like we all think that we're the worst but you know there's eight billion **** people on this planet and i'll bet you like within 10 of them they probably had similar feelings of course yeah and it's in the power thing about that is like discovering that's like a truth like that's like bro don't strangle yourself don't hold yourself down like that like let yourself go like let yourself

[01:23:18] JACE: I guess let yourself be

[01:23:22] Jacob: Similar to people in a sense of like yeah i'm different and i have different emotions and i have different feelings and maybe i don't fit in maybe i'm the rebel maybe i'm like the outcast um but i'm also human and so millions and millions of humans have the same feelings as me because we can alie alienate ourselves because of our personality because of our interests because like we you know we're the punk rock we're the with the defier we're that guy

[01:23:47] JACE: But you don't have to alienate your human emotions like i'm the punk rock guy who's like out of all these eight billion eight billion people i'm the one who feels pain this much because that's a real lonely place to put yourself there's people out there who are like hey bro i feel pretty similar maybe not the exact same but it's a very it's a huge relief when you could talk to other people meet other people learn about other people um listen to other people on like YouTube videos and lectures and stuff who are just like they talk about like the pain they're going through and you're like **** man maybe it's like i'm going through like kind of similar pain and they seem to be okay it's like maybe it is going to be okay and it brings a sense of not being alone

[01:24:25] Jacob: Yeah like and i feel like at the end of

[01:24:28] JACE: The day everybody just wants to be validated

[01:24:31] Jacob: Yeah you know in a certain in a certain circumstance and that's why like it's so it's troubling you know when that's why i love the thing you did with the sweatshirts too in the suicide prevention you know it's cause like a lot of people just don't know where the resources are you know right yeah because we avoid it we don't talk about it in the real world that's the thing exactly like when you say the word anxiety like you know five years ago it's like you murmur it and then you like what you get a pamphlet from your counselor and that's how you know about it exactly now it's like kids who are like 16 years old are like here's what i know about anxiety like it's a different world we're talking about it we're like hey we got feelings as humans we don't got to deny them we got to figure them out we got to learn about them no in the way that you really expand in something is by putting attention on it you know and like i don't want to wake up and see it on a tdn i'd rather you pass out a sweatshirt that somebody calls the number two you know yeah and

[01:25:42] JACE: Those types of things no matter how

[01:25:45] Jacob: Big or how small whether it's you seeing somebody get **** on and walking up to them and being like you're good man i'm here for you yeah you know like don't listen yeah you know

[01:26:01] JACE: I mean like that little moment right there not only does it do something for them but it takes me out of myself and that's an important thing man service like i'm sure you've stumbled across this like you like tony robbins don't you love tony robbins yeah i feel like there was a moment where jay said like uh jc was like uh said compared you to tony rob's like he's my tony round or he's like gonna be the next 20 rounds something like that like yeah i was like oh yes

[01:26:27] Jacob: Yes um in dude and he talks about it seems like something that before i wouldn't give the time of day but now i understand i get it he talks about service he's like go out and like do your thing figure out your position blah and then serve like the way he says it just rings in my head serve got it and it's you know

[01:26:47] JACE: Synchronicities happen man like little

[01:26:50] Jacob: Stuff starts popping up you know like when you're helping other people out like and from a place of like not saying that you're perfect in that you're like i know exactly all your problems and i can i know how to help you completely but just like giving people that open space or serving or helping people out or giving people a hug just being human to people hitting a like hitting a little like hey i'm nervous to share this like i hope you guys enjoy it's taken me a while here it is like hit a like if you really support your friend man bro and i've been so persistent on this and it honestly is crazy you know and it's funny because some of the things that we do to help other people like make me feel so good yeah you know what i mean like in almost like a selfish way but it's so cool because you can be there providing for somebody and then it gives you that like real sense of fulfillment yeah it's crazy that is that kind of feels selfish almost like i know i know damn you society for letting the word selfish sneak into there because i get that bro like

[01:27:54] Jacob: I don't want to talk about it though like yeah but it's like

[01:27:58] JACE: I want i want to be there in a part of it like i feel like in high school i was so shut off to like

[01:28:08] Jacob: Being there for people that weren't like instantly in my clique or thing and i've always been a very loyal person you know so like i felt like oh if you're not with me and my friends then **** you yeah you know like that but small town mentality i think that's just something that comes with i think so too but then i started seeing jake like in my career like i'd be at work and i'd see somebody come in to buy something and it's like oh you **** definitely were not how you should have been to that person you know yeah and so it's like a full spectrum thing that's taught me a lot about life and it's like i don't want to be that **** guy and deep down i'm not that guy but that's

[01:28:51] JACE: An ego that's coming into place and

[01:28:54] Jacob: Making you think that you're better than somebody else or that you shouldn't involve yourself so like i take a lot of gratitude now in like going the extra length to reach out to people that i may not have been the best to you know and like support them and what they're doing and like and guess what i love it at the end of the day like we gotta do that for us like now i wanna

[01:29:21] JACE: Give with no expectation i don't want to like your post in hopes that you like mine yeah

[01:29:26] Jacob: I want to like your post to let you know that i'm here and i see you and i know that what you just put together to put out to everybody takes work and i want to validate that i'm proud of you for putting that work in hell yeah man you know yeah and so like that's where that's the space that i want to be in you know and you know what naturally the world's going to reciprocate it's a law it's just a law you know like there's no way around it there's certain things that happen no matter what and i've been on the horrible side of that too yeah you're human after all yeah you're human bro yeah for sure i'm glad that you're in such a positive space um in such like an

[01:30:08] JACE: Empowering space coming into music like it's so

[01:30:13] Jacob: You know if i think about like

[01:30:16] JACE: Who i'd listen to and like the when i was younger i got so much inspiration without even knowing it from just listening to **** like a lot of times like yeah maybe it's future maybe they're rapping about some crazy **** that like doesn't really relate to my little white kid life yeah but like it's given me like

[01:30:33] Jacob: For me when i can listen to like earth gang if you know who they are like when they're just practically falling asleep on the beat with their voice and just yeah they're just getting there you're

[01:30:44] JACE: Like what you are still like when you when you do those things in your lane it gives other people permission to do them in their lane so it's like even if you were like if you came out and you're like i'm the most motivational hip-hop artist that there is like if that was your thing like that's your thing people who don't even really care about the motivational side of things still could **** with your **** in ways that relate to them because you're doing it you're fully doing the thing that only you can do you're being a pink flower can only be a pink flower so the red flower is like i'm gonna be the reddest red flower i can be i love seeing you pink flower exactly and that's why i think it's so important too to not be the red flower if you're the pink flower yeah bro yeah get it straight i mean yeah explore like what can the red flower teach you what can that blue one like oh **** that one mixed purple and blue that's incredible i know that's not me that doesn't represent me but like i can learn from it i can learn about myself from them learning about them and appreciate the color no even though

[01:31:48] JACE: It's not you that's what it's about anyway music appreciating the color that was the most like full circle that was like so on the outside of the

[01:31:56] Jacob: Universe but also write it in something i don't know if people are going to follow that part but if they do you're here with us yeah exactly i felt it though i'm glad you're on the same page yeah so i want to make sure that so you're starting this music thing um it's something that you're just you're putting your soul into i think it's super awesome the timing for everything is great i'm glad you hit me up um i want to what's your what's your thoughts like what do you know the world is crazy as hell

[01:32:25] JACE: Right now like that's no doubt and so like i don't give me like here's what i'm gonna do next month and this month like but where's your head out with this music thing like what do you what do you want to accomplish like what's it what's in it for you right now

[01:32:36] Jacob: So my intention with music further than the fact that i love it is

[01:32:44] JACE: I know that the best way for me to channel my voice is through my music

[01:32:49] Jacob: I feel like people's gifts they come in a sense where part of it

[01:32:56] JACE: Feels natural right and so for me music

[01:33:00] Jacob: Feels natural and all these serious things that are going on right now in the world we're able to be a voice for him and do it in a way where it's creative and where people like to listen you know and like on that first

[01:33:19] JACE: Thing i did the what's poppin remix like

[01:33:23] Jacob: What you know about a household that resembles a riot that's one of the lines in there you know oh timing even that's great yeah i wrote that before this happened

[01:33:33] JACE: That's what i'm saying like yeah it just works out like that yeah what you know household that when i was 13 an older kid told me try this That's the next bar you know ma why is stepfather acting violent like these are all real parts of my life but guess what i put it on the what's poppin beat and there ain't no space in it and it sounds hard when you hear it right so it's that coming together And being able to speak a truth and have people go okay and have a good time do it make it musical yeah but there's that one kid who's in the car who's like i'm not the only person sitting in the living room why my dad **** my mom up

[01:34:15] Jacob: Yeah you know what i mean so for him he's like okay and i got chills just thinking about like no doubt dude just hip hop in in music does that for so many kids man for so many kids did it for me yeah that's why i want to do it when i listen to eminem

[01:34:34] JACE: I go into a different state mm-hmm that's what like and i'm so protective of him i'm so protective of him like it's bad bro it's real bad dude i

[01:34:45] Jacob: Mean the real ones are yeah you know what i mean like and because he brought something he brought something to me like that he was so

[01:34:56] JACE: Connected with his truth and his truth was so horrible but he was able to put that out into the world you know and like that's what i want and here's the thing like also like i don't want to just do that and that's why like i showed you the what's poppin but then after i showed you the BIG MAD because the BIG MAD it's like we out

[01:35:16] Jacob: Here making people mad because we popping you know what i mean like and i'll be on that type of **** too because sometimes like outside i feel like that yeah i wake up and i'm like we out here right you know what i mean and so like i want to give you both and what i really want to do is be able and this is something that i think about a lot is be able to put myself in a position where you ain't got to go to work mom like that's what i think about you know or like taylor you get a be sitting backstage when i get off stage with a hundred **** like i know you would love to do she'd be so supportive oh dude she is amazing like she is one of the biggest gifts in my life jake yeah you guys have a great relationship i love seeing your guys's relationship best brother and sister that is my that is my heart man like i did an Instagram live the

[01:36:09] JACE: Other night and we did like this freestyle thing and the turnout for it was amazing and it was so cool and i was so grateful for how it turned out but it's like when i and she was sitting right next to me you know we're playing beats we got a bunch of people over at my house and everybody's drinking and smoking weed that's one thing i want to get clear to like i threw a little party the other night i bought all the alcohol and the weed like

[01:36:29] Jacob: I want people to do what they want it's still pretty solid like you're not like i know where i'm at you guys be where you need to be i'm good people are like you want to hit it people you i'm like no i'm cool man like i went through my **** man like i still got yourself i still got a zip in the cabinet that you guys can mess with from the mistakes i was making a couple months ago but it's like back to what i was saying about taylor is like when i look over at her and like i just am like man this is my person and it makes me want to do better you know like when i bought my house you

[01:37:01] Jacob: Know what was one of my big thoughts no matter what happens with my sister she'll have somewhere to go and she'll be taken care of that's great you know what i mean and it's like that's the stuff that i that i get off on today was it was it like when you guys were growing up were you and taylor pretty tight like what because how big is your age difference like four years it's four years four years yeah that's solid that you guys were able to like keep a pretty close relationship yeah we like yeah man we were like on the like she was the person who was covering my ears and we were sitting on the stairs listening to chaos you know what i mean like and then she's also the person that would like get pissed and you know **** you know like start hitting me with the better you know brother and sister exactly so it's like she's just been there and it's there's something jake about pain you know that

[01:37:52] JACE: Creates magical things yeah

[01:37:55] Jacob: You know whether it's art or your music and uh we've been through a lot of pain together yeah and it's and she can

[01:38:03] JACE: You can be comfortable knowing it and knowing she's gonna support you with it but like there's also that like hype up like it's like you know i talk about when i work with musicians there's this they know what each other's going to play because they can look at each other and say with their eyes like i'm going in to this and then you're going to you're going to accept me with that and it's like yeah okay cool we're doing this you know what i imagine i don't know but with you and your big sis it's probably like a hey like i'm gonna feel this i'm gonna go in there i gotta talk about this now especially with hip-hop right like i'm gonna go in here and your sister's looking at you like alright i got you like i've been there i know what you're saying you gotta say it we gotta do it yeah imagine something like that and you know some people need you need a homie who's like **** yeah

[01:38:43] Jacob: Bro do it or you need like a sister or sibling or just somebody to just say like you got this but with you it's this super i mean that's incredible i think that's so awesome man i'm super grateful and i think you know something for the viewers too is it's like as much as you need that relationship like you need that person who says you can't too you know like when at least for me i can only speak myself but like

[01:39:11] JACE: I love it both because

[01:39:13] Jacob: I want to be driven

[01:39:16] JACE: And when people doubt me i get very driven i'm a very competitive person you know so like that's why i was great in sales is because you put me in an environment with 10 other people and now we're gonna see through action

[01:39:30] Jacob: Who's gonna come out on top right you know and so i like that end of

[01:39:35] JACE: The spectrum too especially when you're the young one too like it did you deal with that in sales like where you were on the lower end of the spectrum so you felt like you had to maybe work harder for respect when you're selling when you're selling cars and stuff exactly yeah exactly and

[01:39:50] Jacob: Coming from a sense too of like always wanting certain things you know and always wanting to provide stuff and then actually finding a legal way to get there in my head i'm like there's no way you can't go 199 on this you know right

[01:40:10] JACE: Because it gives you that

[01:40:14] Jacob: It gives you that feeling that you can make something happen you know and like i just know being involved in negative ways to make money and things like that like there's just no end result to it you know so once i found something where it's like okay i can be proud of this you know but then here also something i wanted to talk about there came a point to where i let that become my full identity you know and that what do you mean that wasn't fully who i was right like for me

[01:40:45] JACE: Don't get don't get me wrong i love people i love sales um

[01:40:50] Jacob: I have a buddy who is in insurance

[01:40:53] JACE: Who is not happy not making what he should uh took me like four months on golf courses and **** to convince him to come work for us but like now he works for us and he's got a place in kalama and like he just got a new girl and he's happy as hell and he's thriving and he just got one of the biggest paychecks he's ever gotten in like that **** to me seeing that all the way

[01:41:15] Jacob: Through

[01:41:16] JACE: I love that but i like music more

[01:41:20] Jacob: Okay and you know what my biggest thing

[01:41:22] JACE: Is ownership right like

[01:41:27] Jacob: I urge anybody who's you know currently found a way to make a good financial living to take that and

[01:41:38] JACE: Find something you really because i really love sales bro i really do but not as much as i love music right you know so like i got to take that money and put it into my music

[01:41:51] Jacob: And chasing my full dream because for a second i had the thought of **** maybe this is it maybe i just

[01:41:59] JACE: Have the house and i'm the sales manager and you know i have a family and that thought scares the hell out of me

[01:42:06] Jacob: Yeah so when you got to be true to yourself there and know like you know because a lot of people would say like you got it you're doing perfect you get you have succeeded and you're great but if it doesn't feel like that in your heart bro that's where you got to be able to say like okay like where do i need to shift some **** you know exactly it's getting caught living someone else's life you know like you couldn't have said it better yeah it's i mean it but it's so easy to do man that we're kind of built we're trying like it's uh alan watts talks about this this you know in the western world you grow up as a kid and you're like here's what you want to do you want to go the first 12 year k through 12 you want to you know you want to graduate high school and that's what you want to do come on graduate high school right afterwards you got to get prepared to go to college right after college you got to make sure you get the house payment and like what do you put in your 401k

[01:42:54] Jacob: Yeah so these it's this structure that's not it's not bad it works for billions and millions of people but like if you're living that life and you're like you know it like at what point in ninth grade as you're just going through do you be like gosh what like what am i walking towards or what am i what goals am i chasing what carrot am i trying to get that's like right in front of me like is this even my carrot you know is it for you yeah is it for me is it for you know because it's like just cause college work for somebody else you know doesn't mean it's gonna work for you but i still went you know why because i thought it was i was supposed to do right but then my feeling while i was there wasn't correlating you know and i've always been in tune with my feelings you know so like

[01:43:43] JACE: For the person who's sitting through

[01:43:46] Jacob: Class every day and then going home and

[01:43:52] JACE: Getting **** up all night just so your

[01:43:55] Jacob: Parents can see you walk four years later i'm telling you they'll be more happy they might be more they might come at you at the time when you say **** this i'm gonna go rent a little apartment with four of my homies and we're gonna do this but let me tell you something in 15 years when you're not a bitter alcoholic because of what you put yourself through and sitting in a cubicle and you're able to look your mom in the face and tell her that i love you and i'm okay inside they'll appreciate it yes you know and like

[01:44:32] JACE: I felt like i owed that to myself

[01:44:35] Jacob: You know as far as like and now i've never had a better relationship with like my family and my mother and like now i get to

[01:44:47] JACE: Do my unorthodox things whether it be music or going into a different route than college and like show

[01:44:55] Jacob: Other people that they can you know i feel like that's what it's about at the end of the day yeah i mean and everything we learn gets us to where we're at too obviously like you've gotten so much from what

[01:45:09] JACE: You've done like you've really sharpened your work ethic like all the you know all the sales books that you've read are going to cross right over to everything you know

[01:45:18] Jacob: Right now and everything that you know in the music world that you're going to come across like the things that you learned are um your tool belt's full you know so funny you say that because i was telling jc the other day i was like such a blessing though that i did go into this career because it taught me to shamelessly promote yeah that's a hard thing to do it's a hard thing to do you feel weird about it yeah you know and that is actually what i want to call my record label when that point comes as shameless promotions i like that yeah that's tight because it's just so like me you know what i mean like and i've i don't know do you feel like things have always uh happened easy for you

[01:46:00] JACE: As far as uh

[01:46:03] Jacob: As far as maybe

[01:46:07] JACE: Like career in djing and things like

[01:46:09] Jacob: That um you know kind of yeah i kind of had like it almost felt like momentum that just got going um i don't know for me i for many

[01:46:21] JACE: Years i didn't really have a solid why like i didn't really like honestly so with djing like it'd be that same as typical like people be like oh bro we got to get you in clubs we got to get you in blah like you could play festivals and there's always there's that part in me that's like oh that'd be so great but like i couldn't tell you why not and i couldn't tell you what else i wanted more but i was like that's not my thing like that's not i don't really care to like be the number one headliner like i there was this thing where i was getting a lot of momentum with it but i wasn't really and it's so hard to explain i was reaching goals without really having them to aim at yeah you were gradually just moved because people i think people move

[01:47:04] Jacob: Towards you yeah you know what i mean i think people move towards you and they see you in a certain light yeah you know and a lot of the time too people can see you in a light that uh like you just talked about maybe your intentions are different you know but they see how capable you are right and they see how inspiring you are in your look in the way that you care about certain things and they're like okay like jay could really do this like he could right yeah well so and that's you know in more recently like with my like spiritual awakening was finally like letting myself do it like i had a friend who like literally it was through a text and somehow the text of all the nice things people say to me that i just try to just i try not to dissociate and deflect um because i block love it's like a thing that i have to work on as i don't let myself feel these compliments that people give me sometimes but i had a i had a friend who uh

[01:47:57] JACE: It was right after my birthday speech a couple years ago i did this birthday speech essentially saying like i'm not gonna kill myself and i'm gonna like literally try to be whatever i'm i saw it i loved it yeah and so and i pretty much had a friend um who wasn't there but it was like essentially she just said um like i know you're gonna do something someday i always thought that and it was like this simple like i always thought that and then it was like a oh yeah bro people have been telling me that like in their own words every day and i

[01:48:27] JACE: Didn't believe it and i didn't because i was like well i don't want that instead of like looking at like what **** do i want how do i want to like live when i'm on my death bed like what do i want to say that i have done and that's like where my image that's like where my head is like i'm looking from the end of my life like what do i need to what i want to make sure i come across what do i want to make sure i accomplish what do i what ground do i want to walk across while i'm alive um and i think in thinking about you you're asking if it seems like it seems like things came easy in a sense that speech you did was after the shower moment yes a couple days after okay yeah i was i oh man i was like on cloud nine i was like in the middle of a mystical experience still i feel like you're getting some relief yeah it was so great i had something in me that i didn't have before um but i with djing and you can see that

[01:49:18] Jacob: In that video yeah bro and you can see that in that video you know that was a super uncomfortable like i was really confident to post that because i was like i don't care like at all but then like watching it i was like oh god like it was just so uncomfortable to watch for me yeah um yeah it's like that it's like you know how like when you record something and you hear your voice like sometimes as little as you hear your voice on like a snapshot something like **** that's how i say right you know it's so funny we do that **** to ourselves so like bro that's just what everybody else hears and they don't **** hate you no and the only person that's thinking that is you yeah that's how over critical we are as human beings our mind can be such a trap like that and it's insecurity yeah i love where you're going keep going with that yeah

[01:49:57] JACE: Well so just with djing

[01:50:01] Jacob: I really i wanted to almost remain

[01:50:05] JACE: In this like spot of like not being understood i think like i almost didn't like when people understood me but also i'm crying to be understood right yeah but uh so for djing it started with a like a love like i had a moment

[01:50:21] Jacob: Where i was on um i was at the gorge and i was like sitting on the hill and i was watching cascade and i was by myself like my friends were just doing their own thing it was a cool like i'll see you guys in a little bit sort of situation um and i it was this like man i could do this like i could make people feel like this it wasn't like i could be the one on stage that it wasn't like that for me but it was like looking around the people not only right in front of the stage but i'm so far away from the stage i'm looking at people right next to me like the you know the people in front of the stage who are raging and like they know every song like they're feeling it but also like this person who's never heard this song before and they're just on the grass experience in their life they're feeling something right now and

[01:50:56] Jacob: I was like man like i could i could do something to make people feel like that so i got into djing then um and i kept like following that no way that's how you that's how you started yeah that's how my love for it got in yeah cool and i um well and then after that like within a couple months like synchronicity i met kelly saint onge if you know who that is yeah um and like we kicked it off we like

[01:51:18] JACE: Vibed over like bass nectar like somebody like who i'd like nobody in town at that point i didn't have any friends who knew this kind of music so we were just we just vibed and then within a couple days he literally had me come over to his house to show me the ropes of like all right here's the play button here's the fader like the ropes of djing the very first and he gave me that opportunity kelly cena that was i'm super grateful for that but so rounding out what i was saying i was like i was aiming at it wasn't that it was like super easy um i don't know but i feel like i did always want to give the image that it was super easy like i feel to me it felt like i didn't have anything ever figured out at all but like there was this image

[01:52:00] Jacob: That i knew was important that i knew i had to make sure that everybody thought that i had it figured out and i think that is a lot of born from like you know fending for myself when i'm younger it's like you don't you know you're not going to show the weaknesses you're not going to like when i would go check on my resume at pacsun before i worked there i'd leave my backpack outside the store like they know that i that i brought my backpack and i walked from school and like i don't have a ride maybe but like i left my backpack out there because the image and i go and i check on the resume that way so yeah um i don't know it just and you start to understand that stuff through survival mechanisms right you know for sure like you definitely do so i resonate with that a ton when you say stuff like that uh or hey mom have you seen our car drop me off two blocks away and i'll walk there yeah bro my thing

[01:52:51] Jacob: Was uh what i would do like every night is i would and they would know i'm lying i'm sure i would i would be like oh yeah my sister's on her way or my mom's on her way and it's 9 30 and then once i see my manager pull out the parking lot then i start walking the three miles home yeah like that was my life that's just what it's and it wasn't like this like really sounds sad right but it wasn't it was it's just that's what i got how do i survive because if i let you know this about me then i don't feel strong i don't feel courage full of courage and i love that we're on this topic in this exact situation because what it does and this is like totally an analogy metaphor type of thing not exactly but what you do by walking home and making the lie is you take away the

[01:53:33] JACE: Opportunity to go i'm gonna walk home and then the other person working goes i'm already going that way you want to ride and like i don't want the ride though but i was like i would try to be too prideful like yeah i'm good yeah i know me too me too

[01:53:48] Jacob: Man and like you take that blessing away because you never know like then that person takes you home and they see your situation and maybe they got a different opportunity for you or just like you never know like i'm so obsessed now with the

[01:54:05] JACE: Possibility of opportunity right you

[01:54:08] Jacob: Know and just gotta be vulnerable to let that happen too you do you do and like you gotta take that ride yeah i'll take i'll take the right like i'm gonna swallow my pride and my ego you know but it's like it's hard too because i'm sure doing things like that got you to a certain place bro it's how i it's how i killed it like it's how i was like yeah i'm chronos bro like it's built me this tough armor by doing you know that's how i live my life it's just like don't let anybody in sort of thing like and it's like of course i let shailene but there's still levels that i didn't even let her in exactly so you know what's weird too jake is i think that uh

[01:54:45] JACE: I think that as humans we evolve

[01:54:48] Jacob: You know and like i don't know i think i think that built a certain part of you it did you know and like yeah although it's not what you want to be today like i'm grateful i can save for doing things a certain way you know when i was going to even though like they may not have been right like because it's taught me a lot about myself and like

[01:55:16] JACE: About what not to be involved in exactly but i mean just like you were saying with like your perspective on you and your mom it's the same thing like you learn from it by experiencing it like you don't have to stay in like a bitter like i wish i had this i wish i would have done this it's like well you did this is what happened this is how life was handed to you like now what how does your perspective work in a forward movement now exactly it's like my mom she's

[01:55:42] Jacob: Been married like six times you know and like

[01:55:47] JACE: I could always tell growing up like you

[01:55:49] Jacob: Know when people say stuff but they don't say it like you know what they're saying but they don't say anything like i always kind of felt that like around my mom and her getting married and like as i grow up it's like dude my mom wants to be loved or doesn't she right like you know what i mean like she wants to be loved like everyone else on this planet and she keeps trying so what i'm going to take out of it is that she ain't giving up you know what i mean and so like those are the perspectives that i'm able to have through disciplines that i've chosen to

[01:56:25] JACE: Take part in

[01:56:26] Jacob: Right you know and so for people that are listening because i know a lot of people probably feel certain types of ways because you don't want the neighbors thinking you know one thing or the other but it's like they're just people they're just people they didn't dude

[01:56:48] JACE: I always say like what'll stop a conversation is you just remind everybody they didn't ask to be born you didn't either bro yeah like we don't remember that **** but we were all babies just like what the **** is happening and then all of a sudden we just had the moment our life gave us momentum and we we just started running we had all right we're walking now walk with it and we never stopped and said like what's the momentum i got man and we're all like that and it's okay

[01:57:10] Jacob: Yeah and we're all but if you can get to a point where you can stop you know what i want to do right now is um we're getting up here in time yeah we'll end it here shortly but i do want to so let's just like anybody who by whatever chance they're listening and they're struggling with their own addict stuff they're you know drinking too much like you know i've been there doing blow up in there yeah all that just into it too much um and they want they want a way out

[01:57:39] JACE: Um what do they need like

[01:57:42] Jacob: What do they need to hear or maybe like what did you need to hear or what's something that could aid these people that does it doesn't make them feel alone and make them feel alienated and like you're not weird hey listener if you got some problems oh you got some addictions bro me too **** me too it happens you're human that's okay but if you want to get out of it and you want to like move on to that thing that you know is in your heart like you can **** you can i love that i love that and i love that this is gonna be the finish um this is my perspective on it okay as an addict the reason why we use is because we're uncomfortable with things in our life okay so a lot of the times what we see happen is you get clean and you realize that

[01:58:28] JACE: It wasn't the drugs or the alcohol that

[01:58:31] Jacob: It was just your being so in order to continue on a path of sobriety and to not have or at least decrease

[01:58:41] JACE: The urge you have to work

[01:58:45] Jacob: On yourself in an unwavering manner and that is going to look different for a lot of people but for me what it looked like

[01:58:58] JACE: Is taking a piece of paper

[01:59:01] Jacob: In a pen and getting my character defects laid down so i then can take accountability for those character defects and start to work towards fixing them and maybe it's not a character defects maybe you were unfortunate and your parents didn't have enough money to buy you braces and your teeth were **** up and you felt shitty about it your whole life so maybe what's gonna give you hope is

[01:59:27] JACE: If you sit down and say well if i go to work and i put this amount of money away for this amount of time i can then get braces if that's something that you want now like i said before it's going to look different for people some person might say i am going to embrace these teeth because these are my danny brown the wrapper exactly because these are my teeth and this is me people are different

[01:59:51] Jacob: Okay one person might be completely fulfilled from the new teeth one person might be completely fulfilled for the other so you have to go deep down into your core and like i talked about previously ego anybody who's using is trying to

[02:00:07] JACE: Change the way that they feel

[02:00:10] Jacob: They feel it's a very self-centered act it's a very self-centered act so i have to step out of myself and realize how i'm going to become of service to others because it takes me out of the daily thinking of i need to be okay right dude when you're able to you that moment you're talking about you step out of yourself and what happens there like i feel like the word ego has been just like people just oh i know

[02:00:41] JACE: What it means like in okay it means being cocky like for people who don't consume it the word it sucks i mean it's a complicated thing to describe

[02:00:50] Jacob: But i think that when you said step out of yourself to me try to see maybe if you're in that position try to see like when you step out of yourself make sure you're looking right back at your ego like you step out of yourself what's still there like what do you still want what's your desires like those desires those addictions those things like i need this to feel whole like no you **** don't and when you step over here and you step out of yourself they can't see my hand gestures but when you step out of yourself you can look so i think for me before i got into ego work and stuff i before i really conceptualized what it was it was in my head me versus my depression that's how i started because i was like that's how i conceptualized like how do i not

[02:01:33] JACE: Argue with myself and more of like a

[02:01:36] Jacob: Like okay i was being mopey how do i have this like spark of like a jake that's like hey **** stop that be positive no let's look at this and you almost like you exit your body for a second take a look at yourself and when you could say um i'm just emphasizing that spot if you can separate yourself this is my ego this is my depression take a step outside of yourself just like you said JACE i think that's yeah and look at it and that's to take a step out and then to be able to look at that ego yeah you know it's gonna hurt it's gonna hurt it's okay bro it's not forever it's gonna hurt right now and you know what you can do is you can make amends like that's been a very real part of my life jake yeah like a very real part of my life is because and understand that's not you that's the **** you know like and give yourself and also for people that are struggling with addiction give yourself a break man

[02:02:26] JACE: I don't care i don't care if you're freaking if you're 55 and you've never done anything give yourself a break dude this is the world yeah bro whatever tension is in your body right now if you're listening just relax give yourself a break bro this is hard and i'm saying this right now i'm the most balled up **** ever all the damn time seriously all the time because i'm so concerned about where i'm going what my life looks like it's like that but like when my fiance has me go out into a

[02:02:52] Jacob: Field and take my shoes and socks off

[02:02:55] JACE: And i feel even corny saying it bless her for this thing yeah let me tell you something and i put my feet on the ground and i put this **** cell phone so far out of sight that i just don't even want to touch it i never feel better yeah i never feel better i love that it puts me in a state where

[02:03:12] Jacob: I don't react yes i'd be able to just be

[02:03:18] JACE: That's what yeah it's crazy that's a

[02:03:21] Jacob: Beautiful spot to set it off bro i love this um can you drop your ass uh

[02:03:25] JACE: If people want to check out your music

[02:03:27] Jacob: Yes please i just started a new

[02:03:30] JACE: Instagram account it's at j Saltzman that's j-a-c-e-s-a-l-t-z-m-a-n no underscores nothing like that just at j Saltzman and then uh also SoundCloud as well it's going to be the same exact thing just put the YouTube account up as well

[02:03:50] Jacob: So all those places we're shooting a visual for the music video and we're gonna be bringing you guys more content the Instagram live was fun what we did on the Instagram live is uh for 50 minutes i put instrumentals on

[02:04:04] JACE: And the people on the Instagram live i had him comment a word and i'd rap off that word oh that's so funny and if they stumped me their name got put in a drawing to win 100 bucks that's savage that's a good ass idea

[02:04:17] Jacob: Yeah so at the end of the night we drew out a challenge for you too that's fun as heck how did you do how'd it feel like it was sick bro you know what's so tight is what when kelly and i uh we first started playing parties like after we had like it had been years since i had been djing yeah but to get better we would do almost the same thing we'd go to parties and it'd be like we're not getting paid so you can **** up like uh but we would he would tell me a song

[02:04:38] Jacob: Or he would go through my library without me looking and he'd load it into the deck and say transition into that no she would do that same sort of thing bro challenge yourself like that i love it polishes you it gives people a show and it lets people get involved you know right and like it's a big thing and dude that Instagram live did wonders for the following on there because i'm trying to build it up like of course it was crazy and it's just so cool and i can't wait to bring people more performances and stuffs like that and it's just it's a good time and at the end of it what i did is i wrote something special for george

[02:05:09] JACE: Floyd

[02:05:10] Jacob: Okay great yeah and so i ended it with

[02:05:13] JACE: Like uh a very serious tone even though everybody was turning up and we were having fun and i said some real stuff that i had written that was from the heart and it was a very cool transition from a good time to a serious one but it gave people i feel like the full experience of me and that's what i want to do is give people the full experience of me and allow them to come

[02:05:37] Jacob: And show themselves in the process and hope that something that i said because when i was freestyling i tried to be super honest to resonate you know exactly or somebody says oh **** he didn't do it his whole life and he wanted to maybe i'm going to go do that thing hell yes you know exactly you can do it yeah all right listener it's been jay Saltzman and i check him out take care of yourself drink some water do some stretches yeah look in the mirror and say it's okay man i'm gonna get it figured out you're gonna be all right peace out late hey friends hope you're

[02:06:10] Jacob: Enjoying the podcast if you are just share with a friend that's all i ask take a screen recording uh grab a quote and text it out to one of your homies you don't have to share it on your facebook or on your social media i don't care just if you enjoyed it if you got something from it just tell someone just let them know maybe it'll help somebody out um in my world the junkyardlove. space website it's still down but uh i'm working on it i have some friends who are helping me out i'm trying to not just do it all on my own because then it just doesn't get done right so i have some friends helping me out um it'll be up here in a few weeks and on there will be all of my music stuff and my dj mixes like my whole back catalog will be all linked there um to my dj mixes since like 2012 or something um and it'll have my YouTube channel and like the talks that i um give on YouTube And i'm slowly posting more and more of those and then it'll also have meditations and guided meditations and

[02:07:07] JACE: Info about meditation that i will just

[02:07:10] Jacob: Compile all the stuff that i do onto the Junkyard Love dharma space so that'll be up in a few weeks uh in the meantime you can find me dj stuff jacob from the internet on Mixcloud hope you guys are loving

[02:07:23] JACE: And living and enjoying your life take

[02:07:25] Jacob: Care of yourselves