Episode 052 with Rikki Hall - Chest Pressure, Intrusive Thoughts, and Space Aliens

[00:00:06] Intro: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love podcast at what age do we learn how to have better conversations at what age do we learn to have better conversations with ourselves what's up my doodles this is jake and welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast the podcast where every time before the episode and the conversation gets going i drop a little nugget of information or new knowledge or thought-provoking little thing or article or book or audio clip today that audio clip is in the form of something i made myself with the help of my friend Vance Aussie he made this beat just on his ipad for fun he sent it over to me i slowed it down and sped it up i cut it up i added some Alan Watts vocal samples and samples from his lectures and kind of made a little storyline of it and added uh some Willy Wonka bits it's pretty fun so i hope you enjoy it i hope it makes you think a little bit um maybe eventually i'll throw it up on my Bandcamp but anyway here's this episode drink some dang water sit down get comfy do your thing get present wherever you're at everybody take a big old deep belly breath

[00:01:43] Jacob: Enjoy the creation i made with my friend vance and then enjoy the episode with my friend Rikki we're cheers not a speck of lighter showings so the danger must've been grown she was a bad egg where'd she go where all the other bad eggs go down the garbage chute [Applause] so then when you die you're not going to have to put up with everlasting non-existence because that's not an experience a lot of people are afraid that when they die they're going to be locked up in a dark room forever and sort of undergo that but one of the most interesting things in the world this is a yoga this is a way of realization try and imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up think about that it's one of the great wonders of life what will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up and if you think long enough about that something will happen to you you will find out among other things it will pose the next question to you what was it like to wake up after having never gone to sleep that was when you were born you can't have an experience of nothing nature reports a vacuum

[00:04:07] Jacob: So after you're dead the only thing that can happen is the same experience or the same sort of as when you were born in other words we all know very well that after people die other people are born and they're all you only you can only experience it one at a time everybody is i you all know you're you and wheresoever beings exist throughout all galaxies it doesn't make any difference you are all of them and when they come into being that's you coming into being you know that very well

[00:04:46] Rikki: Only you don't have to remember the past in the same way you don't have to think about how you work your thyroid gland or whatever else it is in your organ you don't have to know how to shine the sun you just do it like you breathe isn't it doesn't it really astonish you that you are this fantastically complex thing and that you're doing all of this and you never had any education in how to do it you never learned but you're this miracle well the point is that from a strictly

[00:05:22] Jacob: Physical scientific standpoint

[00:05:25] Rikki: This organism is a continuous energy

[00:05:29] Jacob: With everything else that's going on and if i am my foot i am the sun how long does it take you to edit an episode once i actually sit down to edit it's probably like it takes sometimes it literally takes like six hours but it's because i'll like let it play and i'll kind of like walk around the room and i'll take some notes i do it like in a very adhd manner yeah so um it takes me a while but a lot of times it's like i don't edit it the day of so sometimes i'll right now i have three podcasts that i need to edit so i sometimes i get like a little behind i'm like okay i need to crank through this one but because i'm also when i edit them i'm training my like i'm trying to like learn as an audio engineer and stuff too yeah and so i'm like trying out different filters and trying out like different um eqs and stuff on people's voices like trying to make people's voices i mean you're talking gibberish to me right now but amazing yeah i do that too yeah but i think it's so cool like this stuff is so hard yeah it's i wanted to

[00:06:43] Jacob: Like video is something that i want to do um i don't have it set up now but it's like i was gonna wait till i had a video to even start it but this podcast yeah okay yeah my cousin does that he like videotapes himself while he does his podcast episodes i like they talk about sports i'm like wow yeah i mean it's it adds this whole other dynamic like i don't **** know video like i don't yeah i know audio like i could figure out videos you know anybody who does video yeah i know a few friends who do video

[00:07:11] Rikki: Um i was gonna say yeah i mean i'm sure i can get somebody to help me out with it i'm just kind of at that point where i don't want to make it too much on myself because then i'll get behind like if that i'm like oh gosh i have six podcasts that i need to edit and they're all video and i know that video would take me longer than audio so it's something i'm working towards i'm just not there yet oh my god i'm the biggest procrastinator

[00:07:31] Jacob: So i get it yeah i just work on a bunch of **** at once like i'm like oh i'm not working on that now but i'm gonna get back around to it i just have my random wall over there just things i'm half working on at least you write it down yeah writing it down is good you're very organized you're like inspiring me to be organized are you not organized no i'm like living i'm homeless oh my god this is yeah i'm homeless yeah i'm living out of a suitcase you're such a bum i am a bum yeah i feel like i was telling you um before so we're recording now by the way if you didn't see um i will actually pause that though so you don't have to look at the what you're so funny i don't care if i'm looking at anything i know that i am easily

[00:08:19] Rikki: Distracted dude i have there's a window behind your head and i'm not kidding there will be birds and squirrels that will distract me in the middle of my conversation oh yeah i'm so easily distracted yeah actually but give you less things to look at back here there's so many things to look at in here it's amazing yeah it's organized chaos

[00:08:37] Jacob: It is but yeah

[00:08:40] Rikki: Hello Rikki hall hello cheers from across the table cheers i think people can clink yeah clink we're wearing masks too what's your uh what's your view on the masks i love the mask you love the masks i love the mask i hate how it separates up so much to me i mean i know it gets so much more complicated but to me it's like that's fine just to wear it do you hate the mask a little bit i don't enjoy the mask but i am someone who like if it's going to help us it's going to help us feel more comfortable around each other it's going to help like because i'm not working i could stay in my basement right now and be fine but like there's people who are serving and people who are like working in supermarkets and like i don't want them to be stressed out so i'm going to wear a mask that's my opinion on it yeah

[00:09:27] Jacob: I mean i'm working at the coffee shop

[00:09:29] Rikki: Right now and i have to wear one it's hard it's hard to wear it's hard to wear it while you're working but at the same time it does help me like not touch my face yeah that's true little stuff it does make me feel more safe yeah it does it's like telling having blankets on i know it doesn't it doesn't help um you from getting it but it helps stop the spread but i'm like i feel i feel so much safer yeah i mean it's a something like it's such a pandemic is this i mean it's a tiny virus that you can't see like a virus is inherently scary

[00:09:57] Jacob: So it's just like if we can feel like we're doing something to help ourselves out a little bit and to go out to restaurants and to have you know those things open yeah well what was the what was the pandemic like for you like when it

[00:10:08] Rikki: So i mean how long has it been now it's been like four months five months or something since it was march i think when everything shut down yeah what was it like for you like what were you doing in march it was so bizarre i remember visiting home in portland and i remember seeing on the news and i was like talking to my cousin cause i was staying at my cousin's house and i was like is this something that we need to worry about i was like oh **** like okay and he um is in afghanistan right now he's in the military and so i like trust he's amazing so smart and like such a badass and um he's like yeah like i think we should worry about this

[00:10:41] Jacob: I was like well we'll think we'll see yeah we'll see what everybody around me yeah we'll see i'm like whatever like you know there's something every year and then i was trying

[00:10:51] Rikki: Really hard to see my boyfriend in Canada while he was working over there and i had flown over there and that's when everything shut down like sports everything and i was like holy **** that was when it was like weird yeah i was in a different country and i was like am i stuck here like holy **** but i don't know i'm like scared of everything anxiety central so it scared me i'm still scared yeah i am i mean it mine fluctuates up and down like at the beginning i was super terrified and i was like oh my god i was i was avoiding news like i was like oh like don't watch news it's scaring me but i was

[00:11:27] Rikki: I was doing my own stupid research though i was like i was like as good as it is to avoid news i would be like okay i do want to make sure i know like some of the truth yeah you want to educate yourself sometimes i would just like dive deep and hour on reddit and i'm like ah what am i doing or like watching some like because a lot of like more serious people if you listen to their podcasts like at the beginning they're like get the **** doors don't talk to anybody don't open your amazon packages and it's like yeah write down your food from your grocery store and i'm like

[00:11:53] Jacob: Okay like cleansing everything like so nervous but like oh there's so many things that go into this and like i'm not trying to bring up politics but like some conservatives you know still think it's fake and i'm like there's people that are dying and it's just it's a rabbit hole yeah like on media wise it's a rabbit hole dude i mean it's such a i mean our town is such a an interesting like corner because we do have a lot of like small town we have a lot of like left and right and just very eccentric different types of yeah we're all over the place and like seeing like you

[00:12:27] Rikki: Um i mean we're not from the same town are you from Kalama or Woodland i'm from Woodland yeah so like small towns kind of the same like area we're a little far apart but i'd imagine that on your facebook you have a pretty bad person you went to kelso yeah high school

[00:12:40] Jacob: Okay um but it's just like just seeing so many different types of different opinions and seeing everybody argue it's just it breaks my heart onto like it i get angry sometimes and i'm like oh you guys are being so stupid and then i'm like but i don't even know positive i'm the person that argues with people and it's so unfortunate because i'm like i get mad at myself i'm like it's not worth it and then i'm like on my facebook like arguing because i feel so passionately about right like equality right now like the civil war like there's gonna be like a civil war everyone saying like the civil rights movement it's so important and like mass yeah covet like trump i'm like this town this is not the place for me right now it's not i think that i mean it sucks

[00:13:24] Jacob: To argue with people on facebook like it's like that sentence just sucks inherently but i do think it's good it's a good time to stand up for something like if you really think that you can like help someone's perspective or like get them to see something new like i mean there's a lot of people that like i worked at warehouses for five years there's a lot of people in our town that haven't left callitz county ever and that's not a bad thing that does not make you dumb that doesn't make you like want a worse here yeah but you have also not really been forced to question your perspective very much and now with the internet different perspectives are like thrown at you in order to get outrage and clicks yep so we're just at like a growing point with society and i just to me it saddens me to see like small towns not connecting like we're getting just a wedge thrown in us because of the news media and it's really oh my god i was just

[00:14:14] Rikki: I was just looking up like 9 11 yesterday it was like this video and i was i was watching it and everyone's like it was just so crazy how we came together as a country at a really like a crazy time and like this one's dividing us so hard like severely and it's

[00:14:30] Jacob: It's shocking like to me that this isn't bringing us together other countries like look at like Canada new zealand australia like they're like let's **** let's beat this **** virus like let's work together let's shut everything down like honestly our government trump specifically isn't helping yeah and people don't realize and they'll like support him like to their death and he's said so many things and i'm like i don't if obama said anything near the things that he says i'm like so that's what i'm saying like it's so simple like there's so many people who are like how do you not see how ridiculous it is but it's it is so weird to me like what is **** i'm not saying it's just trump either i don't know but i know what you mean so because when i say when i say trump too a lot of times i'm generalizing which sometimes you have to do just to have conversation

[00:15:19] Jacob: Right when i say trump i'm like oh like trump supporters i'm not trying to like target specifically like people i'm not saying all trump supporters are this way or whatever yeah but it's kind of just like a way of like carrying the conversation to where you can talk about kind of the people you know that you're talking about like the there is you know with the people who are who we're arguing back against who are saying kind of rude things yeah um it's just i mean we're both on both sides i guess yeah i know and there is two sides to everything even the protests in portland there's two sides yeah rioting and vandalizing federal buildings is horrible there's always going to be that bad egg and like a group of course but if you actually look at the protests they're peaceful and then like these federal police officers are coming in tear gassing people yeah that's sketchy that's weird shooting you with rubber bullets like this is like illegal yeah it's illegal and people like are trying to support it but like once trump violates the constitution

[00:16:16] Jacob: It's okay it's justified but say obama did it would be a whole other conversation with conservatives yeah it would be i got in a fight with somebody last night about it and i'm like

[00:16:27] Rikki: I think i don't know it's sad that we have to fight for equality too it's 20. yeah it's weird it's weird to me i'm like wait what the hell is going on why is our simulation breaking down here simulation oh my god a glitch in the simulation i believe that i mean everybody is turning against each other in such insane ways and a lot of people are like they care about the same things they're just talking over each other's heads they're like arguing the wrong subjects but we're just having an inability commit to communicate and i think it's a lot of like technology has just changed **** so much that it's like really sparking us in some ways do you remember the first cell phone that you got yeah it was like a nokia flip phone i think was it a flip phone oh no it was a samsung flip phone or something like that no nokia weren't flip phones was there but was there button because i'm trying because there was even before like the slider yeah there was a flip before this yeah i just told you the time on the front it flipped and then i remember i got a razor those were so sick they were so thin too

[00:17:24] Rikki: So they were they were the thinnest thing i was like oh my god everybody had a hot pink razor i had i had male friends who had hot pink razors like it was just more popular you got them like you like bought it off somebody or something like my cheap ass spotted off somebody i was like you paid some chick to steal it from the locker room yeah i'm like can i have this put my sim card in it i still have the same phone number from like sixth grade i love that oh epic i feel like i had the i feel like a lot of people actually keep the same number now it's more common but there was a while where it's like oh you have 18 t and you're switching to rise and you've got to lose your number no that was a thing i have to get a new number when i go to Canada i'm like i've had this one forever oh i guess that makes sense though i could probably be more expensive yeah i absolutely have to get a canadian plan

[00:18:05] Jacob: Yeah i mean i okay so i asked about i always just like try to think of how long it's been because it's 2007 was when the iphone came out like not that long ago and like think about how different our lives are now and like completely like controlled and ran and like optimized in so many cool ways but like also weird ways by our phones and social media like it's our phones run everything we've gone through a lot yeah and like when okay how old were you when you got your razor or your first phone to motorbike

[00:18:34] Rikki: I was in sixth grade how old are you in sixth grade that's pretty old or that was pretty young yeah i remember when i got i got it for christmas and my mom was like this is for you because i live with my grandpa and they're like this is for you and your grandpa to share my grandpa's like you can **** have it like this i'm like yeah but i couldn't text

[00:18:50] Jacob: On it like back then do you think that you even wanted to text like was texting even really a thing i remember like we wanted to just because like it would be funny to say send a hay but it cost never cost money yeah like each individual one and then i remember i tried to buy like a ringtone and my mom let me do it like on my birthday and i bought like shakira hipster lie oh my god this is so cool and then you're like trying to get your friends to call you so you can just like oh what's that song playing it's from my pocket oh my god that's so cool why aren't ringtones like ring back tones i always thought those were super cool too yeah i never did that i

[00:19:25] Rikki: I don't think i ever did it but i always thought it was a cool idea and i kind of wish that our ringtones like okay i feel like ringtones aren't really that much of a thing now and like there's those people who have like nickelback or creed still somehow as they're as the ringtone like there's still those people but otherwise which i think is really cool because create a school i'm not i'm all bored creepy okay

[00:19:47] Jacob: Okay oh yeah it's just so weird how it changes like do you have a ringtone now or is it just the iphone it's just the iphone one but god you're making me want one i know like what do we need what do we need what song do we put on okay if you had to choose a song right now would it be a throwback or i mean but also then you kind of get into like shaylee has a couple ringtones and she has like a couple like i have a different one than megan and her mom has a different one than yeah um like me whatever but she only has like four but she's kind of like the only she's a square i think you know she's like the only one i know with the ringtone still that's really cool i need to do that

[00:20:22] Rikki: She's yeah she's starting and she's bringing it back all right if you have to choose a ringtone right now top of your head god i'm just i think i'm in a really depressed mood lately so i think i'm like something billy joel like okay yeah that's fine vienna like that oh my gosh dude okay so that song from thirteen going on thirty seven oh my god i love that movie shaylee was watching it like a few months back or i mean it's probably been like a year now but i was like kind of like texting on my phone but kind of also watching it because it's not that bad of a movie and then that song came on and i went through like a stage of being super obsessed i was doing like multiple times a day oh my god i heard it before but so mckenna my best friend she got me on that song like i'm not even thinking about that movie but she's like she plays that song when she's all depressed and like sad and so we would listen to it in Hawaii all the time and we lived together and she got me on it yeah and like it's so

[00:21:11] Rikki: Good i really like it i mean i've never like explored him a ton but i think that he's like he's one of like the master keyboard players isn't it or like a piano player pretty sure yeah i think yeah i should probably know that oh my god we're so young no but yeah that's a great song

[00:21:28] Jacob: Yeah so we need definitely a that or a throwback for sure yeah it'd be i don't know what mine would be right now i love queen too queen's the best queen's like queen and fleetwood mac are like my favorite bands ever of all time yeah very nice what do you remember like first getting into from them like do you remember like the first queen song or fluted mac song you heard my dad was really into queen and like we lived up in ariel so he we always had a long drive and he'd always play queen like over and over again like from age of five to like age 15. like just queen or aerosmith but my mom always listened to fleetwood mac so i just like i think it's just like nostalgic to like my childhood oh yeah so fleetwood mac yeah stevie nicks my **** that's my **** yeah i

[00:22:11] Rikki: It's interesting i always liked queen but i was never like anytime someone would be like obsessed with bohemian rhapsody i'd be like it seems like a long song so i didn't get into it actually until the last couple years i'm not kidding but like i feel like once i honestly this is gonna sound corny as like someone who should be on top of like queen like i should be like i'm a musician i should like have been obsessed with them forever the movie is what got me kind of like more obsessed with them like with freddie i can say that like yeah like the elton john movie i had never listened to that rocket man yeah and then i started i was like oh my god he's amazing and i had never listened to his music before that and then that one got me hooked so i get it sparked me more i watched it on a plane ride just like oh i guess i'll watch this like i didn't really think much of it and i was just like see what this is just so pumped

[00:22:58] Rikki: I was wishing that someone was next to me so i can make this did you see this part it's cool like that part where he plays in that club and they have like that cool part where his feet are up off the ground that's such a clever wonderful scene i took my boyfriend to both of those movies by the way and i'm like crying at the queen at the queen movie bohemian rhapsody i'm crying because i'm like oh my god this is amazing jack's like where the **** like you're so annoying drunk in the theater i'm like this is amazing you're just yelling yeah so excited it's funny getting drunk in a movie theater like there's still something like when i was younger it's something that i would do but there's still an appeal of like being able to have a drink or a beer or something oh my god it's my favorite thing to do like going to a movie theater is what i miss the most right now i'm dying to go to a movie theater too getting like a little tipsy and going to a movie is the best thing on this planet yeah i like getting a little stoned

[00:23:48] Rikki: Yes except for like it's a it's a hard situation because i'll just like smash down a joint in the parking lot like right when you right when you pull in and then you got to go inside and pay for your ticket and talk to the person yeah you're like so you're like i'm sorry that i'm incredibly stoned oh they all know yeah i mean you just smell like a damn nug too yeah

[00:24:06] Jacob: Um so you've recently been well not

[00:24:09] Rikki: Super recently but you've undertake taken hockey you've uh oh you've been thrown into the world of hockey yes what are you're saying you weren't like super you didn't know a ton about it before but you have played sports and stuff like what are some things that you that you have noticed that you like about hockey um i mean like going to the games is so exciting i only go like if jack's

[00:24:29] Jacob: Playing obviously

[00:24:30] Rikki: Um it's especially when you when someone is playing that you love it's so exciting that's gonna be intense oh my god i'm like a hot mess and i don't know yeah i

[00:24:42] Jacob: I couldn't tell you the rules i don't think i know the rules yeah but i yeah he i don't know it's so exciting um just the atmosphere

[00:24:52] Rikki: Just like going to like a blazer game yeah or like a seattle seahawks game i haven't been to like a lot of sports events but they're exciting i love them yeah it's like it's that it's that energy like it's just everybody's so excited to be there like you don't have to be friends for the same team like yeah it's so funny and they're talking **** to each other which is like

[00:25:09] Jacob: Yeah it's funny because i'm like i'm just like a feminine dude i'm just like those sports yeah i'm like i'm in there i'm enjoying it but i'm not someone who's gonna like participate in the **** talking oh my god yeah exactly yeah but it's fun to like laugh at like everybody else doing not at them but like with them you know like it's just this different energy it's really cool to be a part of it if you just you would be surprised like the fans like are so serious it's shocking it's amazing though it's beautiful and i haven't gone to a toronto game yet because he just he just got traded to toronto and like la to toronto is going to be very different la was different like they were really big about the lakers but like ellie king's games were like pretty intense but i just know Canada's extremely different yeah definitely so i don't even know what that's like yet

[00:26:00] Rikki: So well that'll be an exciting new venture hopefully you don't have to like watch him get in fights and stuff i feel like that'd be kind of goalies don't get in fights so he's good he has his teeth he's good to go yeah he's good the team has his back so you're like a golden retriever he's the nicest person on the ice oh nice the perfect be a goalie for him that for him being a goalie yeah he's very nice to even the other players that are mean to him i'm like dude that's i played mini or mini

[00:26:25] Rikki: League uh minor league baseball for like one year when i was way younger and i remember it being weird to people on my team that i like i would like high five the other players and **** like i didn't know i was like we're all having fun i thought i didn't know that was supposed to be like that's the end of me i didn't know i was just so yeah that's literally him and i'm like do people chirp you on the ice like people like skate up to you and he's like oh my god they talk so much to you but then they like it's like a joke at the end they want to like get you mad right like ruin your game yeah but man what it's a psychological

[00:26:53] Jacob: So it's kind of like

[00:26:54] Rikki: Um it's not i'm not comparing it openly as a sport but like so wwe kind of has this like those guys they're huge athletes like they're actually that's actually like hard like suplexing someone off a ring you know it's an it's in even if it's acting it's hard so but it's but they're kind of in that acting world like they know like when they go backstage i'm sure they kind of shut off yeah they're like hey oh you did good that was a good um whatever like they know that they're acting but when they're out there it's like we're on man and i feel like hockey players kind of have that too like it's not that they hate each other it's like this is what you do in the sport and many of these players have like even on separate teams they played together like growing up or like in college or even like when jack went to high school they like practice play together whatever but like yeah when it's the game the game's on they're so intense like they're just giving each other **** like cussing like it's a crazy sport yeah i think it's

[00:27:46] Jacob: Impressive though like any athlete of any sport who can kind of like turn on that thing you know it's oh my god it's like it's the action thing starts i have so much anxiety i'm like how do you like people like are so mean like screaming at you in the stands i'll be like in the family section and people can sit in the family section and they're like it's like saying **** you to like certain players and i'm like oh my god this is these i'm gonna say something they're like on my like on the same team and i'm like i know them personally like holy **** i've never heard anyone say anything bad about jack like in the stance before thank god but i would never say anything i'd be like oh my god so embarrassing you're just in the stands fighting on his honor i know right gosh it's just like uh sports oh so wild go sports go sports indeed it's a fun time to participate in it i think it's i'm someone who like i just

[00:28:37] Jacob: Can't help it i'm more paying attention to like the like oh what's that camera guy doing on the corner there like on the you know when you're watching football or when you're watching sports i'm always like interested in the whole thing oh my gosh we are the same person dude for real yeah you're just interested in like the whole thing i always ask like stupid questions i'm like god are the refs okay like do they get beat up and he's like yeah you hit all the time like oh my god that's so sad and like do they get paid well you're just how's your color doing in the middle he's like can you keep your head in the game i'm like how's your coach doing is he okay is he good he seems pretty stressed out he's yelling a lot does he uh does he do yoga smiling yeah

[00:29:14] Rikki: Oh my gosh

[00:29:15] Jacob: Um so you guys are we were talking about before the podcast you were having trouble getting into Canada because coronavirus is a weird thing and we're our simulations yeah so tell me about this okay so we'll back up a little bit um where

[00:29:31] Rikki: Where all have you've lived in a few different places yeah um so you guys met um in Hawaii um but you've lived in l. a for a little bit like tell me a little bit a little bit about that like what the places that you have lived and then what's going on with you getting into Canada well we only knew each other for four months when i moved to la which was insane but going back and forth which is super expensive from maui to la so i made like the ultimate decision to move to la um we were there for about a year and a half and he resigned with the LA Kings and he was like there's no way we always talk to i'm like it's so expensive here like california's crazy it's beautiful but it was just like so expensive i'm like it would be so funny like or fun if you got traded and like he's like there's no way like we i just resigned like we're not gonna get traded we're gonna be here for like years i was like okay like this is my life now this is where i live california is it right and i was visiting home i was in

[00:30:29] Rikki: Portland and he calls me and he's like oh my god i think i'm getting traded and i was like to where and he was like i think to toronto i was like holy **** okay and i was like no we didn't hear anything three days go by he gets traded like it's in a second so he has to leave like the next day what yeah and like i'm in california well i was in portland but i live in california we had like animals so i'm like holy **** like what are we gonna do i was in school at the time and i'm like um so i'm not gonna see him for a while whatever we figured it out he it was our situation so unique because corona happened at the same time

[00:31:02] Jacob: Yeah and so he was in Canada on a work

[00:31:05] Rikki: Visa i had i was visiting him at the time corona was happening we had to go back to la to pack up our stuff and ship it to toronto they're like

[00:31:16] Jacob: Jack can only come because he's they want he's the only one on like has a work visa like he can only come here and they're like unless you guys want to sign a marriage certificate you must think well like getting forced into it from yeah we want to do it the right way of course um uh yeah so we're like there has to be like a loophole whatever we have a lawyer you know he thinks he knows a way so wow dude what a complicated thing like what who would have thought that like all my stuff is there we have a house like i live there my aunt my animal was there like we live there it's i'm like the only i'm just stuck and like as soon as i get there if i say i get in there like i'm never gonna want to leave until this is completely over yeah i mean what's that even mean like what's completely over even mean at this point like when are we going back to normal i know it's so this is the new normal the new normal mask everyone's just like americans are just crazy and don't let them in your country oh god we're struggling

[00:32:13] Jacob: We're losing our minds a little bit just have a little patience we're still the leaders of the free world yeah don't do what we're doing though yeah don't do it yeah um okay so before that you lived in

[00:32:25] Rikki: Okay you lived in Hawaii for a while though right mm-hmm tell me about Hawaii i want them oh my god everything i ever dreamed about because i've never been so sell me on it like what's the you need to go it's i need to sell you okay well it's i mean like i could never live in a city okay i'm like such a small town girl like always forever but i

[00:32:46] Jacob: Like the island vibe is everything

[00:32:50] Rikki: I've ever wanted it's just like a small town everyone's family and i fit in so well in maui like even getting a job that i my favorite job i've ever had like a job i actually enjoyed and like everyone there i feel we always joke it's like the black sheep of your family that moves to maui like everyone's a black sheep and we all like the black sheep my family yeah same i'm the black sheep and like everyone just like fits and it's so beautiful i caught i love it i mean everyone dates the same person but it's like the dating pool was really shitty but i like i loved it's something i wanna like i wanna die there you're gonna go there just to die this would be like i mean i wanna grow old and die in there of course but i want to go we've been to um we've been to the caribbean twice we've been in jamaica and um cayman island we came in grand cayman that was such a wonderful place and that was the first time i had gone to like any sort of like exotic like beach beachy place like

[00:33:52] Rikki: That so that was pretty crazy but i could you do you like think you could live there if you had to i think now when i had gone there i just loved it and i don't think i could live there but now i'm like such a **** hippie that i think that i would really it would be easy yeah i would i would i would enjoy it that's how i'm like i was kind of nervous everyone's like you get island fever i'm like okay because my family lives in maui like my family part of my family lives um two hours away from where i was living but she hadn't she was getting island fever at my when she was my age and i was like well if i if i get it i can always move away whatever and like i wasn't there long

[00:34:26] Jacob: So i'm i just don't really see myself getting that you don't think you'll get eye on the favorite so like so an island fever is where you're just like i gotta get off this dress yeah you're stuck and like you do go to the same places you go to the same bars like maui is so small there's like one nightclub it's like to go there as a young person it's hilarious because your friend visit you and you're like what are we going to do tonight and you're like well we're going to go to the dirty monkey is it called the dirty monkey of course it's called the dirty moment or down the hatch that's like that's like the west side best bar yeah but that's what you do it's like the same things i mean that's kind of what you do in your hometown too i know right but like

[00:35:05] Jacob: I love visiting and going to like the cool bars here like where all your friends will be yeah it's nice running into your old friend it's funny because you go through a stage of like i mean it's i guess different for me because i'm always in bars working in them but like you go through a stage of like i don't want to see people that i like if i haven't seen them since high school there's a reason why like you have those stories like catch phrases that you'll say and then you kind of get older you're like you know **** it is kind of good to run into that guy or that yeah it's good yeah definitely some people yeah i mean yeah there's some that's not so great to run into i this is so funny that you bring this up because i like i have so many friends on my facebook like from high school the people that i never hung out with in high school like post things that i relate to and i was like oh my god like i'm not

[00:35:50] Rikki: Saying i was hanging out with the wrong group but like i just there's a lot of people that like i wish i would have hung out with and then i see around town and i'm like really excited to see them that's good yeah that is that is something cool that social media offers us like yeah like you get to see the best i mean not always but different sides of people rather like you get of kind of i mean that's what it is it creates a community like it's we've never had it so i read this reddit comment um uh not so long ago and somebody essentially had asked the post was high schoolers now of um who are in high school now in 2020

[00:36:24] Rikki: I think this was before the pandemic um but they said like what's something that older people probably wouldn't really be able to understand or believe about high school and they said um there's not really clicks like there's not really like everybody's kind of like cool with everybody but like who you like is on your phone like you talk to the people who you like on your phone you connect with people like your community through your social medias and stuff and then like in physical person you're like you're quite cool with people everybody yeah but i feel like people's main interactions is probably more on their phone than oh yeah so that's like an interesting thing

[00:36:58] Jacob: So weird but i mean it would be cool to you know because i had so many friends growing up like yeah i feel like i got along with a lot of people but i never like there it took me a while to find people you know where i'm like oh you're so much like me we have the same interest you know yeah and i feel like maybe kids are able to cut that and they're like able to get people who are just like them right away or i know yeah

[00:37:22] Rikki: I mean like i definitely feel like when we were in high school when did you graduate 2010 wasn't ten yeah i feel like it was clicky yeah like the time it was yeah like i probably like didn't have a lot in common with the people i hung out with but or like i wanted to be cool i partied like stupid stuff that i probably wouldn't have done like really

[00:37:43] Jacob: Right i don't know just like i love a party but just so like the atmosphere i put myself into i'm just totally different from today so right i mean that's the thing too is as you grow older you know especially if you start traveling different places you see you meet different types of people and stuff you realize like how much you do change like i feel like the i know i always say

[00:38:04] Rikki: People never change what you really do yeah you do people change i've always said that though like people don't change but they do so that's the sour way to look at it i mean it's easy i was sour when i was younger Right yeah i feel it i mean i changed exactly so that's exactly what happened Um so i wanted to talk to you about your breast implant situation

[00:38:20] Rikki: Um i like i just want to leave the door open to you for you to talk about it how you would like to talk about it i know that it was a whole debacle for you the whole thing we talked briefly about it so um i mean like i don't want to come at it at like as a negative thing because i think plastic surgery can be beautiful like i get botox i get fillers things like that um but like going under the knife and making the decision to put something foreign in my body was really Devastating right on both my mental health and just my body yeah that was the that was a strange thing to me just because i mean i guess i don't know anything about it but that it affected your mental health so much like that's so that's so intense so okay give me um well give listeners rather a low down of like what like what went on they don't know if they've never heard of any of the situation well when was it 2015 i decided to give breast implants i had no idea i wanted them it was like a split second of me deciding i wanted to get implants i was like oh

[00:39:26] Rikki: Well i remember i was like kind of thicker in high school not thick like i wasn't fat by any means but i was um athletic i was playing a lot of sports and then i remember graduating high school and i was running a lot um and like i lost weight really easily and i thinned out like really fast lost all the muscle and like the first thing that went with my breasts and i was like oh my god like why do i have such small boobs and um i was talking to somebody like my co-worker at the coffee shop i worked at and she had breast implants and she's like i love them my sister had them i'm like okay yeah that's an option for me i wanted to see like how much money it was wasn't too expensive i was like i can do this like i and i went in for my consultation and you know he gives you like things to try on like what options you have and he was like we have this new implant it's called the gummy bear implant it's textured on the outside so it's like fits to your skin so it looks more natural i was like wow like this is exciting like it's new

[00:40:26] Rikki: Yeah and like i felt it's like it felt like a gummy bear i was like it's so textured and cool like let's do it he's like i can get you in two months and i was like oh my god really like he's like yeah i had a cancellation so i really had no time to think about it and then i remember i went on like a vacation with my boyfriend at the time and like a couple and my friend she was like you really shouldn't do this like you haven't had much time to think about it and i was like oh my god somebody that's actually like don't do it because everyone shout out to your friend for like saying oh my god hello she yeah she was like you ha you don't have a lot of time to think about it and i like looking back now i was like i didn't and i was like it's gonna be great like it's gonna feel good whatever my body is so sensitive to everything i didn't i didn't even like look that up like

[00:41:18] Jacob: This has been happening since the 90s women have been complaining about like feeling sick from foreign objects in their body what's that thing they get like when you have like heart palpitations they get like um do you know what i'm talking about dysrhythmia yes and they get like a device put in their heart oh um

[00:41:34] Rikki: I forget what they're called but people complain about having like they get sick from having that in their body because it builds scar tissue around oh wow yeah but i'm like i read about that and i was like can't be similar my sister has them like i'll be fine yeah and your sister was fine she didn't have any of these yeah she got them she's 10 years older than me so she got them so long ago when she was 20 and she feels completely fine but like i'm sensitive to like certain like lotion i'm like i'm allergic to latex and like certain just like fragrances like i'm didn't even think about that i get the surgery i love them they're beautiful whatever um i didn't even start noticing

[00:42:13] Jacob: My dad had died obviously into

[00:42:16] Rikki: 2013 and i think that like really upset my i or you're like um

[00:42:22] Jacob: Started my anxiety right um

[00:42:27] Rikki: But i don't know like you didn't really have much anxiety before like of course you went through so this is confusing so like i had my dad died in 2013. i got my breath in place in 2015. i thought the anxiety started when my dad died and like i was like maybe i had anxiety from that but i didn't start noticing like physical symptoms until my breast implants so i would get like there's like there's so many symptoms i would get i'd be like tingling in my arms and fingers the tea i had definitely like definitely had fatigue um like severe eczema psoriasis

[00:43:02] Jacob: Losing my hair things like that what

[00:43:06] Rikki: Um oh my god i have a note let me look at my symptoms like all the symptoms you took them down yeah so were you like going through it for a while like was it just they started adding years after i got them in like the implants in yeah and like because it's hard to correlate that like you probably wouldn't ever like think like yeah and i was like maybe i'm just like getting older i was like is this like something of me getting older heart palpitations i had chest tightness shallow breathing like i felt tight like heavy on my chest um i would get like blurry vision i was like i'm losing my sight cause i'm getting old i really need to get glasses like i would just like justify everything sensitive sensitivity to touch dry scalp like um i was gaining weight and i had the same like i've always had the same diet exercise routine so that was kind of confusing um so they finally ended up putting me on um like an antidepressant i was like

[00:43:57] Rikki: Well i'm not depressed i'm like well it helps with anxiety i was like okay like we'll see how this goes i'm still on it today which i do think it helps but i started googling like what could be wrong with me because i went to a doctor and she took like my blood test she did a chest x-ray like um an ekg because i was having the heart palpitations and she it was it was his doctor in california and she was a friend from the team jack played for and she's amazing i love her but she was like you're so healthy like your blood test came back and you're so healthy and i was like okay like i remember

[00:44:36] Rikki: Getting the call and i was like kind of crying because i was like i don't feel good no you don't have answers explain it yeah like i'm so sorry about like i don't feel good and she was like well like you should go see like a doctor about your breast implants and like everyone in california was so like expensive like that like i was like i kind of want them out just like to get them out i wasn't even thinking like anything about the implant that was in i was like i just want them out and they were like they quoted me like 25 000 or some **** to take them out yeah i was like i **** i can't afford that so um they're like you're gonna hate what you look like they're gonna be really saggy and gross like you're not gonna like them like i'm a guy and i know what breasts are supposed to look like and like this is like that's a weird sentence oh my god so many doctors in california are so bizarre and they were like this is what you want i was like well it's not what i want like i don't feel good it's attacking me i know and then i was like you like

[00:45:29] Rikki: You ask yourself you're like is this like in my head am i just is this just severe anxiety right do i have that could be so confusing so eventually i put on an anti-anxiety which is like a sedative And like god it you take it and like you can't drive on it you can't like do anything like you feel high and you feel like oh my god like this isn't how i want to like live my life it just got so bad i couldn't get out of bed some days because i was so ill oh man like i would get up and i would like pass out or like hyperventilate to the point where like i had to call 9-1-1 there's been like four instances like when i had to like go see a dog i think this was a combo of obviously how you were feeling but also anxiety yeah a combo of like was this when you were taking the anxiety medication too yeah okay yeah i think everything of like a mix like they're trying to like help me my breast implants like just the thought

[00:46:21] Rikki: Of having like this toxic bag in my chest and like and then i started googling and stuff and everyone's like okay there's this rare type of lymphoma like this rare cancer of the immune system that's like killing women and i was like what's it linked to the breast implants that i have and i was like holy **** **** i was like oh my god it's like they um recalled them in europe which they came from europe and then um they haven't they hadn't been recalled in the u. s yet so i called my doctor and i was like kind of scared i was like oh my god holy **** like what do i do and he was like if you feel like you're sick like i want to see you type thing yeah because i had seen the doctors in california and they didn't want to do the explant or they were really expensive

[00:47:05] Rikki: So i went home to portland and he was like if you want him out like i'll take him out he's like this oh my god he's the best doctor i've ever had in my life and he's the one who charged me nothing yeah put him in oh wow so he took him out for free well he took him out for free but i had to pay like the um surgical room fee and like yeah

[00:47:24] Jacob: Um it cost me like nothing and he even asked me if i wanted to put different implants in because he would do it for free he was like

[00:47:31] Rikki: I want you to feel comfortable whatever but i had gotten they finally got recalled let me backtrack a little bit they got recalled in the summer of 2000 last summer 2019. i had i gotten a letter from my doctor like these are recalled they don't suggest you get them taken out unless you have these symptoms it was like swelling pain and redness of the breast and i had like the swelling and the pain severe pain in my left breast like i couldn't sleep at night like i would cry like if like jack had touched my boob like it like hurt couldn't breathe i was like oh my god i'm gonna get them taken out whatever and i **** you not as soon as i woke up from my surgery i like could breathe i'm like holy **** **** i felt like so i don't know like if i don't know if it's a placebo like it's in my head yeah hey it could have been i mean even if it is i'm like well i mean what our brain believes i

[00:48:27] Jacob: Feel like you know your intuition was probably like hey this is a problem like whether or not the information you looked up like fed to that but it seems like even before that you were like i want to get these out they're not something is wrong you have that like intuitive feeling so i know and then i know a woman who um had them got them removed and got new

[00:48:45] Rikki: Implants and she does feel better she says but like even my sister she feels good with her implants like she feels fine like some people probably can't have them and feel completely fine but i just feel like some bodies can't have that foreign object in your body we create a scar capsule around the implant to protect ourselves from this foreign object and when they took it out i wanted the scar capsule out because that's where the cancer is found is in the scar capsule yeah and so i was like i want it all scraped out and like i was like i wanted proof like take a photo please just for my like state of mind right um yeah and he like took the photo i saw the implants the scar tissue everything and then i think this is what people need to be aware of i was starting to feel like scar tissue like hardness i was like it's car tissue because my mom has had surgery i know what scar tissue is like it just hardens like what's it like calcifies or something i have no idea i'm not smart enough to know that but um there was like a lump in my left breast the problem breasts that i had and

[00:49:49] Rikki: Um i didn't i was in california i was like obviously corona was happening i wasn't thinking about it i was like it'll go away or like it's probably what i have to live with whatever like i do feel better i felt amazing smarts like 20 of my symptoms have disappeared i still have like the anxiety but it's 90 better

[00:50:06] Jacob: That's great that's great um and then i

[00:50:10] Rikki: I was like well i'm here i want to like have him look at my scar tissue or this lump that i have in my breast i went in like two weeks ago and he was like how long have you had this and i was like probably since the surgery which was in the end of january like beginning of february and he was like you have like fluid buildup in here which could cause an infection like serious infection it's like holy **** okay and he like laid me down like um got like he like put a needle in me got all the fluid out and he was like you just like have to be i have to keep seeing you until like we make sure like you're not getting any more fluid build up like how severe it could have been yeah i was like holy **** yeah so what what is the cause of the fluid buildup is it well when you when you get the cert when you get an excellent surgery you have to have like drains i don't know like that i don't know the medical term but like it just builds

[00:51:00] Rikki: It's just like gunk pretty much yeah it just builds up in there builds up and like it's draining like all this like blood like nasty stuff um

[00:51:08] Jacob: I get i probably should have the drains in longer than i did but i hadn't been for like two weeks which is like normal but yeah my left breast just like didn't get all the stuff out i guess i don't know but it was just scary so you're still healing from it you know you're still your body still yeah you said it would be a year

[00:51:25] Rikki: Like probably to fully heal oh my god when i like first saw them like after surgery i was like they're so ugly i was like crying like now they're like my 20 year old self like oh you're fine with it like it doesn't affect you no like i was young enough to like get them taken out so like if everyone like if anyone's ever worried like you're young enough like your skin he's like your skin didn't thin out like your skin's healthy and yeah i had big implants in i went really large what size did you have i had 400 cc's which was like a triple d at the beginning and i was like a double d yeah by the end when they settled

[00:52:02] Jacob: Okay yeah that's super crazy

[00:52:05] Rikki: So did you because i know you were doing a lot of pilates stuff did you get into pilates kind of like after that like um i asked because

[00:52:12] Jacob: I had um i'm just curious so uh so for me with yoga like i've been

[00:52:20] Rikki: Working out my whole life i don't know if this is super related but i've been working out my whole life i've been a skateboarder like i've always been active but like i didn't until i was like 25 26 started doing yoga 27 whatever it was um i like this like connection to my body um started like forming that i like so hard to explain and it just sounds like totally woo-woo in every way but i get it yeah so do you have anything similar to this at all like after or like a you know i started pilates this is really weird i had nothing going on in l. a because like when i moved there i um like i didn't i didn't really want to like get a job right away just because i didn't know anybody um and jack did pilates and i met this woman who was his pilates instructor and she just got me hooked to it but when i was doing it i felt like

[00:53:07] Jacob: Pain obviously and that's another reason why i drove me to get them out um but no i get what you're saying yeah it's euphoric like it's you have to feel connected to your body yeah it's like what you should be doing so what do you feel about your like what it what has been something ringing in your mind about your connection to your body now like is it do you do you think that you do you feel different with your body like is your connection your body different than it was before you started so much different like i didn't like it's so funny because you think like if you like you fix yourself you get bigger boobs you're like oh my god i'm gonna love myself more like i didn't i love myself less i didn't feel good i'm like i hate my body it's so just like i hate you for feeling so ill like it was fighting to like stay alive yeah it was helping you out it was like hey oh my god you're so sick and like

[00:53:56] Rikki: Now like now when i work out i haven't been able to run and like i was used to be like a runner i haven't been able to run for like years because i never i never ran in Hawaii it's too hot but like now like being able to run like it feels good and like even doing pilates and like things like that like it's like it feels healthy like i'm helping my body and i love my body now i feel more youthful i feel like that's good yeah i'm gonna cry this is so emotional it is it's so sad because like god girls

[00:54:27] Jacob: Like feel like they need to have stuff

[00:54:29] Rikki: Like that yeah like i love plastic surgery i'm not gonna like dog on it but some things we can't have yeah and i

[00:54:38] Jacob: Feel like a lot of you don't need it like unless it's you know it's of course it's your own choice it's always your own choice but you know it's a lot of times we do things because yeah i mean look at you're like you're like i'm gonna do this thing and i'll like my body more but it's almost kind of like this weird like confused image a little bit where you know for me like i used to work out and i would just be like big i just want to be big and like for me it was kind of my protective like i was like trying to build that scar to protect my armor you know like yeah to protect that little boy that was still hidden in there you know but i don't know man the connection to my body is so much more important than like what i think other people think when they see my body you know it's this new we should work out to like feel better about ourselves like i work out to like eat what i want

[00:55:29] Rikki: And like feel confident whatever but we shouldn't have this like really unhealthy relationship with working out like changing our bodies getting plastic surgery like we it's a weird world we live in right now yeah it is Instagram is like honestly really i understand like going on my popular page i'm like holy **** i wish i looked like that like wow of course and like i look back and i'm like that girl has fake boobs like because they look so nice like oh i wish i still had mine and then i'm like stopping myself i'm like no you don't like yeah you don't yeah why would you want that like you didn't feel good it's so it's so easy to like that like because i get it too like i mean even there's sometimes where i'll notice like because i was i mean i was i was like chunky towards the end i was like a big boy i was strong but i was like 204. but like i'm like 160 now or

[00:56:18] Rikki: Something and like sometimes i'll literally look like on Instagram you'll see like a streetwear page or something and somebody's yoked and i'm like oh man his shirt just looks way dope in 60 pounds yeah and like and i'll catch myself doing that my question you look so healthy you look great by the way thank you thank you i appreciate that you do too you look fantastic yeah

[00:56:35] Rikki: Thank you it's good to be healthy it's good to have that connection with our body i'm always trying to tell people i'm always like you know yelling on my on my social medias and on here like the connection that we have to working out has always been this i need to lose weight oh i got a vacation coming up or oh i've got i hate my body now and i want to not hate it and it's like you don't approach it from that like what it should be is like wherever you're at doesn't matter however you feel about like oh i'm overweight or i'm underweight or i want more muscle or i have too much muscle whatever it is yeah it should be like going to the gym or stretching or doing pilates or doing yoga any of these things should be to like explore your body like you have to learn about it make you happier yeah i know i feel like when i was younger like with my implants i felt like i kept like

[00:57:20] Rikki: I was working out to like look a certain way and i was never satisfied like i just come to realize that like am i ever going to be satisfied like no just like love your body for what it is like you know yeah of course like everyone's like yeah i love like what god gave you whatever but like you really have to find

[00:57:40] Jacob: Like that healthy relationship with how you look and what you eat and how you want to treat yourself and your body and your mind and everything it's and it's an ever-growing like there's a learning just by getting older but we're also like with technology and like advancements and like all everybody learns something new like every day there's something new about our health or about food that we love every year and so we're always like you kind of just gotta yeah you gotta like try to watch out for the fads and try to just like eat something and then how does that feel to your body like oh it doesn't feel good well you know maybe eat that once a week or don't eat that or you know you gotta like we're always stumbling into what feels really healthy but also have like a **** cheeseburger and some french fries i don't know and live life yeah have a beer yeah i try to do um i try to when i'm

[00:58:26] Jacob: At home i try to eat healthy like so my first two meals when i break my fast are healthy and then like if i'm out um like at a brewery or something it's like oh get a beer of course and then i'll get all since i ate the other two meals healthy i'll be like oh it's fine too yeah oh yeah if i eat healthy all day i'm like i can have like a really fun dinner for sure you got to like kind of work with your mind on that stuff like we get so hard on ourselves and we kind of all this **** is sold to us in so many ways like we got to find our own

[00:58:57] Rikki: Individual connection with health in our own bodies it's just so important i was talking with so i actually had you're the second Rikki that i've had on the podcast this week yeah i had a uh my mind uh it's he

[00:59:10] Jacob: It's a male and this is r-i-c-k-y

[00:59:14] Rikki: Um Rikki nevereddy is his name he's over a couple days ago and he's a power lifter um and we were talking about because i said when i was younger i used to lift with them um and that was like so cool like these like power lifters big ass dudes like and of course when you're lifting with power lifters you're gonna try to be a power lifter so that's all lift in and we started getting in um he was using the word ego lifting and i was like i really liked it i was like oh that's what i was doing like this ego lifting i loved going to the gym to um and i wasn't fully conscious of this

[00:59:44] Jacob: Like this was like kind of a protection i was like really depressed trying to like figure my own brain out but like i would go into the gym and work out super hard and look big like get a pump like a drink pre-workout before like get that pump like look big feel big oh my shirt's tight again against my arm i'm good to go and like that would be my workouts a lot of the times like just trying to feel good in the mirror before i leave the gym and then it's like you're staring at yourself in the mirror and like people get off on that like at the when you go to a gym like even like women like we're like you know lifting weights we like love looking at us looking at ourselves lifting weights and working out it helps the workout and i get exactly

[01:00:23] Jacob: Yeah i understand exactly what you're saying and that's like that's i feel like that's a little bit unhealthy yeah no it totally is as someone who's done it himself it's unhealthy it's there's a lot like you gotta look you know you're looking in the mirror you're getting your posture down but if it does help you finish a workout i'm like okay oh yeah you need to work out like a workout is great for you but no i know exactly what you're saying i think being more aware of my thoughts though it's less of like but if it was helping at the time then like if it mentally yeah i mean you have to do what makes you feel good yeah you're only honest meditating working out yeah if it's getting you those endorphins like i don't know i **** hate running like hate running with all of my heart but like i know afterwards i feel so mentally stable i'm like oh my god i feel so much better like i can go out and hang out my friends without stress

[01:01:13] Rikki: Yeah if i go on a run dude run running is everything i have to like i feel like it's getting the energy out i know like yeah it is how do you feel okay like halfway through on your run do you still hate it oh my **** hate you hate every second i mean like you get that runner's high eventually like some run runs are different than others like i used to like run like what was it like nine miles a day i was like that was when i before my surgery when i was losing a bunch of weight and my sister got i hate running and you ran nine miles a day because like i wanted to be thin and like that was like the easiest way to lose weight and like because i thought i was like fat in high school i was **** i was **** up and i wasn't fat i was just athletic and i lost so much weight by running and like i got that runner's high doing those like eight seven mile and nine mile runs but

[01:01:57] Jacob: Um yeah like in between like you get that runner's high and you know we're not really thinking about it but afterwards like mentally i was probably like probably like the happiest i've ever been right like before my implants like i was happy yeah stable like mentally i feel pretty savage after a long run oh my god you're like i'm cool yeah i ran a long time i'm cool

[01:02:18] Rikki: I always like for me it's always uh not always but a lot of my runs are sometimes i will run because i have To fight mr hyde that sounds kind of crazy but like a lot of times i'll be like in a bad place or like a depression day or something and i'll go for a run you know like you Just kind of have those bad thoughts like just intrusive thoughts coming up sad thoughts would it like oh my god intrusive thoughts I google this all the time they're real oh they're very i talk to them with my counselor all the time it's a form of OCD and i have that yeah you do dude okay so what have you learned about intrusive thoughts like and like okay this is gonna sound crazy But like when the bad thoughts come in We have good thoughts right when the bad thoughts come in we like overanalyze them because we're like why are these bad thoughts here but one of the good thoughts right we don't even think about it so intrusive thoughts

[01:02:59] Rikki: Like if you're driving down the road and you're like what if i just yeah what if i just murder that yeah like what if i'm holding a baby what if i just like **** drop it yep why do we have those thoughts it's **** real it's a form of OCD and i have that and i got yeah i've read a lot of anxiety books about it because it scared me at first i'm like **** like of course i don't want to run my car off the **** road right but we're scared that we're going to do it yeah like we're not in control of our mind and people don't realize that and like people are too scared to talk about it yeah i mean me and jason i talk about this all the time dude it's like it's so real people don't want to talk about intrusive thoughts and like it's a disease and like it takes

[01:03:52] Rikki: Over your mind and like people need to talk about it because like a lot of people have it i think a ton of people have it i had it super bad and i didn't understand i didn't have the intellect i didn't have the knowledge because you're too aware you're too aware and people with anxiety are too aware of life i swear i know i wish i could just check out sometimes we're way too well like it's cool to have anxiety now you're like you're more weak if you have anxiety yeah but yeah like no we're just too aware of being alive and it's like we the good thoughts we don't even realize when we're having the good thoughts of bad thoughts we get we over analyze and it's really scary so

[01:04:26] Rikki: What did you do you remember like you remember the first time you started like feeling bad about having an intrusive thought like if you're like driving out you're driving over a bridge and you like think about like i could turn my wheel left and just murder that family in that van like you have that thought and then you're like oh what the **** is wrong with me oh my god i didn't start thinking about like dark stuff like that until like after my dad died i had nothing traumatic has ever happened to me until my dad died and like his death was so

[01:04:53] Jacob: Like quick and such an accident that

[01:04:57] Rikki: I was like oh my god bad things can happen i think yeah that's like when my anxiety kicked in and like i didn't the intrusive thoughts didn't come in until i moved to Hawaii actually yeah i

[01:05:08] Jacob: Was like why am i thinking this way

[01:05:10] Rikki: I was like that's really weird like oh my god this is you might have to edit this out we'll edit it out if we have to this is so weird um but like if you ever like sometimes i'm like holding a knife and i'm like what if i just what if i just did that is not that weird i'm not going to say am i weird so i don't talk about all the time i've literally had i've had this exact conversation with my counselor actually i so i was like i literally

[01:05:35] Rikki: Like every time i would cut a knife or use a knife i would literally be it started to become afraid of it so like when i got farther and farther towards like your mind you're afraid of it because your mind's afraid of it creates this conundrum too when you start like thinking that thought's you like you're like i don't trust myself to like fold anybody's knife and it's like i'm definitely not holding anybody's baby if they hand it to me tomorrow like well and then you think about like what if i dropped them on accident or if i even just threw it right even a bunch of Things like you do think of the worst things possible like what if i hurt their kid or what if i like ran somebody over on accident or what if i like i don't know you think about even things that you're not in control of like it's yeah you're not your thoughts though okay so what do you okay so say there's a young listener who is experiencing intrusive thoughts

[01:06:02] Rikki: And they're like cool **** i didn't know that other people have these i don't know we're allowed to talk about them and they're listening to us oh my god it's a form of OCD and everybody has it yeah and you're fine and you're not your thoughts but some people don't have it like some people have like they don't have like they don't have it no but it's okay like you're not gonna hurt somebody you're not gonna make those things because you're aware of it you're

[01:06:40] Rikki: Not gonna do it yeah because you don't want to like you're so afraid that you're gonna do it you know you're not gonna do it at the same time think about the reason why you feel bad about it's because you know that it's not right you're not gonna do it **** also i watch like so much True Crime **** i think i'm afraid of like the consequences of like doing something horrible and like i can't even fathom how people do that to other people that like i'm so afraid that like i would be in that circumstance right or like somebody's gonna hurt me i have that fear too that like we don't know people the people that we fall in love with people that we're friends with like we don't know our neighbors and like i have that fear also i'm afraid of everything dude like okay so i have a similar fear um and this is one that i still that i still struggle with but i never give in to it anymore like i i have like i don't let my mind take me there so um and in it i think it's similar so

[01:07:32] Jacob: My upbringing when i was younger i had to like stay at my friend's houses like their parents would keep me for four days or whatever and like i was staying with my friend

[01:07:41] Rikki: Right you're just hanging out your friend's house but like i knew it's because like things weren't going good at home i didn't have like a place to stay like i had like stay with them and so i started like seeing my friendships as like oh you're just friends with me because your parents made you be friends with me and i started like questioning every relationship and friendship that i had and it like polluted my mind and it was like those were literally my friends they liked hanging out with me i had we had great times together like i happened to have a situation at home where i stayed with them for longer than a lot of other people yeah but it's it like i would grow up and you start like it'll be a sudden thing like you're really good friends with someone you connect with them you're like it's a flow state when you're talking to them you love them

[01:08:19] Rikki: You're just talking from your stomach and then suddenly you have that thought of like dude you made this whole situation up this guy who doesn't really like you that much i know i've never had that oh you've never had that no oh well hopefully it doesn't populate in your head now oh my god i'm just kidding no but like nobody's no i understand what you're saying though because like you're like sabotaging their relationship yeah

[01:08:39] Jacob: So if even like when you're talking to like your partner you're like you're like so okay so say

[01:08:46] Rikki: Like you have this like intuition that you don't trust your partner right you're sabotaging the relationship by making things up in your head i've had dreams where like i'm like okay my boyfriend's cheating on me like in my dream and i wake up and i'm mad at him

[01:08:57] Jacob: Right yeah i think a lot of girls do that oh my god everybody every woman does this you're sabotaging and like you wake up mad and it's like it's the same thing because or if you think like they would do such a thing like it's gonna strain the relationship it's gonna create this like they're gonna be like why are you so why are you being so **** weird like i love you what do you say to those thoughts now like do you because there's some parts where it's like don't interact with them like just kind of you can you when you see those thoughts come up you like dude come on get real and you can ignore it and you can return to the present yeah you need to just like have a conversation with yourself be like okay i'm aware of these thoughts and i need to realize like what's real what's not and if i really want this person in my life like because if honestly but like

[01:09:42] Rikki: If i don't know you have to trust in your intuition like if you want this person in your life obviously if they love you like yeah work hard to keep them in your life but except for the relationship isn't like ideal and perfect but that's you're gonna make me think About that later oh no i just planted an intrusive thought well no i mean you have the you have the tool belt for it now though you know you can see that it's like uh it's a they're just thoughts that pop up and like sometimes so me like i happen to be able to like i was trying to figure out why i had intrusive thoughts and so i'm like following him back like why would i think that my friends aren't actually my friends youtubed intrusive thoughts Yeah um i'm i've definitely watched intrusive thoughts videos

[01:10:25] Jacob: Um i can't recall any of them actually well like the first i remember like the first video i watched oh my god it relaxed me so much this like this woman she was like i have

[01:10:37] Rikki: Intrusive thoughts it's like a form of OCD blah she's like i want to kill my mom and i was like what do you mean she starts the video like that literally and she's like i have like i like detailed like images of how i'm gonna kill her and i'm like what the **** like what the **** is going on and she's like of course i don't want to kill her but she's like i just have these thoughts but i know i'm not gonna like act on them right and i'm like there are severe ones like so bad yeah and i'm like oh my god i like it's i get it makes total sense to me yeah she's like i love my mom i adore her she's like she's my like my life see it's hard though like we've got it we have to listen to that voice that

[01:11:16] Jacob: Knows that it's ridiculous like

[01:11:17] Rikki: Okay you have the thought like don't now don't define yourself with that thought and don't beat yourself up for having the thought it's for me it works best when i just kind of like brush it like i'm just like oh there's that **** again like i ain't that though i know it yeah you know but that's like even like when i start to have like because i have panic disorder and i'm like okay like if i start to have the physical symptoms to where i'm gonna like hyperventilate and have a panic attack i'm like i've been through this before nice yeah even though like i know i might have it anyways it's like the conversation you have in your head you're like i've had this before i can get through it hopefully i'm not gonna die but like i might i'm just kidding you might you might always die like what like yeah that's an exciting thing uh i mean where it's not like the chain you don't have to lie to yourself basically like you don't have to be like i'm perfectly safe and there's nothing that could happen like uh just be real with yourself like if you're anxious i just have to find like this like

[01:12:10] Rikki: I have this it's so hard like when i do have my panic attacks I was very lucky to have a roommate who understood my anxiety and like i always wanted to call 9-1-1 because like i thought i was dying so i was like i need to go to the hospital i've like been there you know i've called 911 multiple times but like she was like no you don't like you don't need to do that and like now i don't have her and like it's so hard when someone doesn't understand your anxiety yeah and like if you want to talk about intrusive thoughts and they're like you're **** crazy dude like you're wild but when somebody does it like makes you feel so much better you're like holy **** that's why i love having like i people are so open on this podcast to talk about those sorts of things with me it's so great i've had it who's joining us To break down the intrusive thoughts

[01:12:57] Rikki: But i mean because once you realize that like you're not your thoughts like and you don't have to feel bad for the thought because like right now as i'm talking i have no idea what i'm going to say next i have no idea oh yeah nobody does i want to talk to you about something though talk to me about it like do you believe in ghosts do i believe in ghosts

[01:13:18] Jacob: Um i think that our perception of them is a little confused but yes what do you think okay well i just like obviously i've told you i've been like listening to like weird ass podcasts oh man like sleeping by myself like and like i

[01:13:30] Rikki: Hate demonic **** like i will make me believe in this ghost i will not watch like anything about like religion

[01:13:37] Jacob: Demons like i'm so afraid of that stuff right but like when we and oh my god last night sorry i'm like distracted you're good okay last night i was listening to a um a past life regression session so like

[01:13:54] Rikki: You like it's like a meditation session and like you see you lay and you like try to remember your past lives and i was i couldn't sleep last night i was up to like three o'clock in the morning and i was like i'm gonna come back like tonight i'm gonna do it and i'm just like try to remember a past life and he like tries to bring back childhood memories in detail and he was like i was like he was a thing of any childhood memory and like i brought up like a random childhood memory with like my dad we were like on a four-wheeler like pheasant hunting or something but he was like you're gonna remember details you never remembered before and it was like it brought up so much stuff and then he asked like do you remember anything from your past life blah and like all i just like i couldn't get into it i wasn't like focusing but like also we have past lives but it's like when we die

[01:14:39] Rikki: I mean i think we have past lives but when we die like are there some that like are stuck in limbo like are we haunted like are people mad are people upset are people happy like i don't i totally believe in ghost stories and like i listen to this podcast that tell me about like these ghosts that have they've encountered and i believe it 110 okay what's that what's the podcast about like what does it say like or do they like hunt them every story every story is that when i told you every story is different it's like a true story radio rental um

[01:15:10] Jacob: It's like one story was about the glitch

[01:15:13] Rikki: In the matrix like overlapping um his girlfriend was in different moods at the same time but he ran into them at the same time it was just like really i don't know that just didn't make sense what i just said but there was a ghost story of this baby it's this guy who keeps having these vivid dreams in his twenties he keeps having the same dream over and over again he was like i never had babysitters as a kid and he like he didn't want to talk to his parents about it he's like it's just a **** dream but he keeps having the same dream over and over again and the dream is that he's like has this like middle-aged babysitter and she's like we're gonna play a game and he's like okay he's like i remember being really hungry in my dream and he's like i just want to eat and he's like she's like we're not gonna do anything until we play this game and she like turns off all the lights

[01:16:01] Rikki: And like he had like a bigger house so like all like she would close all the doors and she's like we're gonna play hide and seek so she'd go hide oh this sounds freaky already dude it's **** scary and like it's the same dream so like he's like i don't even know what to think he like he like looks all over this house can't find her he's like i'm **** hungry like my mom's not here whatever he's like i'm just going to go find her i know she's going to scare me he like goes into this room and she's like in this like what's that called like in a contorted like shape under the bed and she's like grinning at him like with like oh the way he explains is obviously really terrifying of course i feel like i got chills even just thinking yeah and the way he actually the way he says it and he's like i see her and i'm like okay like i found you and she's still grinning at me like won't say anything and he's like i'm like terrified i'm scared like i'm i see you like whatever and she like **** like crawls herself out of this bed like so fast yeah like demonic **** and

[01:16:59] Rikki: He like sprints away from her whatever is running away from her and she's like the way that she like got like joy out of this was really creepy he's like i keep having this dream but i didn't want to tell my family about it wait so it wasn't actually his mom it was like this memory sort of it's like a memory keeps happening and so he's like finally i'm like i'm gonna ask my mom about it just to see if like we had any babysitters he's like that i'm like hi like i'm um putting away like

[01:17:23] Jacob: Hiding from my memory whatever um

[01:17:26] Rikki: And he has a brother and like they're all sitting together and his mom's like no family like there's always family members that babies at you like no random person ever babies at you whatever and he was like getting in the car with his brother and he's like obviously we talk different when my mom's not around and the brother was like i specifically remember a woman like that being in our house no like it was like a **** ghost no dude yeah and i'm like oh and like the way he like tells the story he doesn't give his name or anything he's not getting anything he was a babysitter too like he may have actually perceived it as being a baby like his mom and his dad was not around and like it was it had to have been and he's like it's so real and like the brother was like so like stone cold like he was like i remember her specifically that's so creepy dude i'm like they're real yeah i mean

[01:18:17] Jacob: Okay so like what so what do we think like

[01:18:21] Rikki: We just assume that they're not because they're not like it's not a consistent physical reality like it's not like jake and Rikki like if there was a ghost right here like it's not like a experience hey you see it right like we all experience it differently and we all like it's crazy because i feel like a lot of these the stories are almost remembered and it's like a retrospect it's like it's like at the time you remembered it as a dream yeah that's super cool you know what freaks me out the most is that like i'm not religious by any means i believe in a higher power but i don't know like what i believe in like if we believe in like demonic things like that like that stuff we have to believe in like higher power like heaven right like or like a form of heaven like a like a angelic state i don't know

[01:19:07] Jacob: Like angels i mean there's something guiding us that's bigger than us but right and like what but then again what i don't realize about or like understand about religion is like if we're here christianity like if we're here like if god doesn't want us to he died for our sins right but if he doesn't want us to sin if we sin we would a hell right like if we sin wouldn't like the devil be happy that we sent like wouldn't he be like yeah bro like yeah like feeding you on yeah like like wouldn't punish you wouldn't be punished for sinning that's why it doesn't i don't understand about religion but i don't know you don't have to be like religious when it comes to ghosts either because you could be people like it could be people like limbo yeah dude there's so many i mean even like the casper story that's what it was is like they're stuck in limbo

[01:19:53] Jacob: Right we they can't move on because they have unfinished business wasn't that like yeah they said that's yeah i mean i'm sure that's not based in like a random like what the movie director decided that's what he wanted like i'm sure that's something yeah there's just so many stories that are like unexplained and there's there's stuff out of this world that we can't well have you have you seen that like so like it's official like the cia has released paperwork saying like ufos are real oh okay oh my god that's another conversation yeah i mean they're so **** real they are 100 i mean the so it's like i don't know if i think they released it like during the middle of the pandemic which is of course like everything is a conspiracy theory it's impossible to talk about anything without yeah but it's like what do we do with that information like what okay like you guys like we've all seen it but none of us in like the social

[01:20:42] Rikki: Normalcy of conversation and what we do next like we can't like we still don't believe it like we're saying like this is real but then when it comes like when we're talking about it's like it's still not real though it's like a weird but isn't it i don't know i think it's got to be if they said that it's official i mean so many people like do they have like alien bodies i don't know i want to know that but like we're one galaxy right and there's

[01:21:08] Jacob: Like millions and millions of other galaxies infinity yeah right i don't know if billions i have no idea

[01:21:16] Rikki: I think i think it's infinite i mean i **** i don't know it's all so big yeah and like also when does like where does space stop it doesn't right because time keeps going well and so what's interesting about that too i talked with my friend brandon um we get like when we go on hikes we talk about these sort of things yeah and it's just like this pots and pans i always say pots and pans because i can't think about it popping pans i love it i'm always like a tinfoil hat that's what i say um yeah i mean so think about like a

[01:21:40] Jacob: Microscope uh you know you're zooming in like the farther like what we know about like quantum physics you zoom in and more **** just keeps the better the lens gets the more stuff you can see you just keep going deeper and the same thing is like with telescopes you zoom out same thing just keeps getting more it keeps appearing it's kind of like grand theft auto when you like when you uncover more map

[01:22:01] Rikki: It just have you played grand theft auto i have also like i watched jack play it but so you've seen like when you're at the beginning when you haven't unlocked the whole map yeah you only have like this part of the city and then you hit the start menu and then you can see the map it's larger yeah zelda have you ever watched um the first men in black yes i have okay so when my cousin makes fun of me because i always like reference this but when like it's like it's the end of the movie and it's like the earth right and they're like zooming out and we end up being like a little marble like our galaxies the marble and the aliens are **** playing with the marbles like the marvel game dude i'm like that's us like that was

[01:22:37] Jacob: Your awakening i was like six years old when i watched that my dad made me watch it and i was like oh my **** god like aliens like aliens are **** on this earth i know it like **** secret society yeah i think that

[01:22:50] Rikki: I think that the way that okay so like we perceive reality with our five senses like that's like those five senses combined yeah but like i think that aliens are just kind of like imagine if we were able to evolutionarily gain more

[01:23:05] Jacob: Senses then we may have the ability to see aliens so like uh like sonar like bats

[01:23:11] Rikki: They use their two ears and they bounce sound off of the walls essentially to use sonar hearing like it's like a new skill you get with your senses i feel like once we're able to like understand aliens like maybe we'll adapt to that yeah maybe we're growing into being able

[01:23:27] Jacob: To even know what aliens are yeah i mean evolution we're always growing i want to know about it now but like god's so real did you ever watch do you watch netflix yeah like um unsolved mysteries do you watch those no

[01:23:42] Rikki: I haven't watched like it's like new there's like seven episodes or something it's like about True Crime and then there's one episode it's like the sixth episode or something like that and it's about like a ufo story it's like this i think i don't know it's like on the east coast somewhere and it's like multiple people had the same experience in the same year and it's like in the 60s and like it was unexplainable and they were like we got abducted by **** aliens and like it there's so the people that people from different groups of society right so you're like there's no way that they're live they're not plotting together like they don't even know each other whatever it's like the berkshire ufo story i think that's what it's called if you like google it but i'm like if people i mean like i really haven't really run into somebody who doesn't believe in aliens i don't think i know we all do but we all know that it's so like taboo and strange information yeah i don't think that yeah

[01:24:35] Rikki: Because you can't like there's nothing you could say like well i read this article and it's for sure true like there's nothing that you could really be super solid about but it's all i mean every person has some sort of like not personally maybe but like some sort of experience with some sort of alien articles or movie or something and they're like oh that's got to be real or i know there's so much to it my god it's amazing yeah have you read the uh or heard about the bob lazar so he was on he was on joe rogan i don't listen to joe rogan but i actually like him a lot oh yeah i need to listen to his podcast i don't i love him though i can send you a couple that um that you may like i mean he's all over aliens yeah a ton of them he talks about aliens like there's a there's a couple that i can send you um where so he actually has this guy on bob lazar who has a netflix documentary um about working at area 51 way back in the day um and uh essentially like this guy

[01:25:29] Rikki: It's so interesting because the more you learn about it the more this guy is like i don't want this to be my life like i don't i wish i never saw it like he's like because his life has been like ruined from it because everybody nobody believes him he worked at area 51 and like did these things so he literally so he'll he's straight up he'll talk about um like hey i saw this at a glance like this wasn't something that i like took a big picture of and studied it he would like walk by and see like i think he said he saw like seven different sized spaceships when he was working there like or like people are working on these big metal objects that he hasn't hadn't seen before he hadn't seen before they were like rare like looking yeah they were using they were they hired him to work on some technol like gravity technology that um is said to still not exist but he had worked on it himself but like they had a bunch of stuff where

[01:26:20] Rikki: It's kind of sad really thinking about like he was younger and he like did interviews and basically said like he had his face like blacked out and stuff and he's like here's what i worked with here's what i saw um he was just kind of like a nerdy guy who like did he sound genuine when he was talking it's so believable it's so blue like you like i've listened to so many hours and hours of the guy talking and it's like every time he's talking he's like i don't want it's like this he doesn't even want to be he wishes this wasn't his life but it is because he knows like how stressful it's made his whole life like yeah i guess he has to think about it yeah dude the government like um and i again like this is a story like i don't know it's not like i was there but like the government was literally like **** with him like they would like uh like do things

[01:27:03] Rikki: To his house like uh he'd go inside and then like look outside and all his windows of his car rolled down like i don't know if that's exactly what the story was but like weird **** they'd like move things in his house like just to scare him and freak him out and it was like the government doing it so he seemed like a crazy guy yeah he sounds crazy yeah and so but so okay so his name is bob lazar you should totally check out there's a documentary on netflix and then he's been on joe rogan and um they kind of get into it and it's like

[01:27:31] Jacob: I don't know man like there's so much it's we live in a world where it's so easy for like the you know like the wrong powers that may be to make those people just sound like crazy people and like you know make them making them not like make the world not want to believe them you know but we don't really live in a world where it's like someone's going to be like all right here's my hard evidence for a ufo like now what let's explore the galaxy i know well what who like released the footage wasn't it like the navy seals or something yeah the navy i don't know yeah so somebody released like radar footage yeah i saw i saw there was another episode of joe actually of joe rogan where um one of the pilots themselves actually like came and he talked about it he's like it was been like 25 years yeah but he talked about the um it was like a tick tock or tic tac shaped object that was like on the sonar like they showed the radar it was just weird stuff i mean like um

[01:28:30] Rikki: My like a couple friends my sister and like her friends can like account to this but we were camping like when i was like in fifth grade something like that we were watching a meteor shower up and mira lake up like ariel like washington and we were like all

[01:28:44] Jacob: Camped out my dad was sleeping like in the tent and like all of the girls and like my really good guy friend at the time was there and we were watching like this meteor shower and this like little like satellite looking thing like pops up and it's like a tick tock it's not actually like a tic tac shape and it's like this like little pill looking like thing and it was like go it would like go really fast and stop and like go the other direction and stop like it was like oh it must be a satellite i'm like what the **** are we crazy and then all of a sudden it stops and like a bunch of them like did like come out of it what yes and like uh **** like

[01:29:21] Jacob: Multiple like multiple people were there all my friends can say that's the craziest thing yeah and i'm like is it aliens like i don't know like are we **** crazy was it satellites was it our government like i don't know but the way like the way it was shaped and like the direction it was going and how fast it was going how close it was it didn't look like a ufo i guess what i mean to say but i'm like well but think about the technology like did it do things that like a plane we wouldn't have been able to do in 2005 no yeah that's like yeah like what if even if it was excuse me even if it was like another what it's the russian government testing their ufo or their new like uh technology or something like even that is like just shows that the government's hiding technology from us which is just a whole other debacle of like should the government or like people who are at the edge of like technology discovering all these new crazy **** should they be telling the public like you know like but

[01:30:20] Rikki: Okay so if you worked for the government and you just like we had alien contact like look at how we're **** reacting to like a reality tv show being our president like we're not doing a reality tv show is our president or our team yeah and it's like it's like have other countries have contact and you know have had contact with aliens like they wouldn't share that no yeah like don't tell america they're crazy yeah they'd **** freak out look at their people they're freaking out have you seen the movie a rival yes dude it's so good but yeah it's so good it's i feel like that's how it would be is we'd be like how the **** do we communicate we hope it's that way yeah have you ever seen like **** what it's a bad alien movie have you ever seen like the tom cruise alien movie when they come down like **** kill a song is it like bishop the mission impossible isn't it like what is it oh war of the worlds war of the world

[01:31:08] Rikki: Yeah so i like that movie because i feel like uh i like the scary the teenage boy character how he was just kind of like a **** you dad sort of thing yeah he's like you're **** dumb but it was good that could be how it is though like but i really do think like if you watch the unsolved mystery episode i really do think they're like studying us they don't mean to hurt us like they were they cl these people claimed to be abducted and studied they were mostly kids mostly and then they'd be like dropped down into if they weren't hurt like nothing like they remember like split seconds of being up there but like nothing else but their memory was erased but i do think they're like studying us yeah maybe we just don't really fully understand like they could just be humans haven't been here for that long have you ever watched

[01:31:53] Jacob: Um it's with charlie sarin

[01:31:56] Rikki: And um **** it's about like they're gonna go find their creators it has to do with like the alien movies no way i haven't seen it i have to google it because it talks about

[01:32:11] Jacob: How aliens are like our creators

[01:32:23] Rikki: Prometheus oh prometheus have you ever seen that i have seen that in 2012. yes that goes with the alien movies right yeah i mean i didn't know that until the recent alien movie came out but yeah prometheus they go to another world and they figure out like who me created us like what if like somebody else dropped us here

[01:32:42] Jacob: I mean we don't really know that i mean like i don't know like the big bang theory like we like we all we all you know um

[01:32:51] Rikki: We all came from monkeys like yeah **** what's his name uh terence mckinnon are you talking about the stone deep theory no i'm talking about the i don't know what i'm talking about i'm drawing a blank well we don't we like some people teach us in school some people don't because it's like controversial with real religion

[01:33:14] Jacob: Um adapting evolution right what's his name uh i let this out because i'm so **** dumb yeah no i mean i don't know that's the **** name who came up oh darwin theory of evolution yeah okay right yeah that took me too long too uh dude i know why but like if we believed in the theory of like evolution like and that yeah well dude so i heard

[01:33:37] Rikki: This thing the other day that actually made me think i listened to this guy called rupert sheldrake he's a philosopher um and he studies like he's got some very interesting like he thinks like he definitely thinks plants are conscious and these sort of things um thinks the son is conscious but so he was basically like he said this sentence that i was like oh wait what i never even thought about that before he's like we just assume that at the beginning of the big bang theory all of our like uh laws existed like

[01:34:04] Jacob: Like physics in time and like theory of gravity all existed like we don't know that existed that long ago like we're just assuming that those things were all at play and we pretty much start our base of what we know about the universe and what we know about our entire existence off well we assume there was an explosion and then we just go from there yeah and because we can't comprehend it we can't and like that's why we think that way also like **** what the hell what the hell happened to dinosaurs like what really happened to dynamite like did a meteor really come down and kill them all no like i don't know it's there's so much stuff when it comes to um have you heard of graham hancock no jeez oh my god you need to educate me he's another person who's on joe rogan actually and he is he gets to where like if you watch too many of his videos you're like oh he's totally crazy like but so much **** that he says is

[01:34:54] Jacob: Just seems so true basically he has like kind of proven in multiple ways that the timeline that we read in our history books and that like our government tells us is not totally true like there was like he went to egypt and like uh like took pictures and measured and like studied like the sphinx and like the architecture that's in egypt and proved that like you know certain amount of years ago there was water running constantly underneath the sphinx like he's like you can see the wear from it this is what water does like he proved it he's it's like official whatever but um he proved like basically what we know about all of our like old timelines are different like uh i think he has something that shows like the crater holes or the

[01:35:38] Rikki: It's i mean it all sounds like nonsense for sure but essentially he had kind of proven like the suddenness of the ice age like it was very like weird and crazy how sudden like the ice age was and i think that he had proven i could be wrong in this that there was like humans around during that no way i think i could be totally wrong but graham hancock you gotta check him out he was on joe but he's got he's got his own like YouTube channel and stuff too oh my god i know and there's like

[01:36:05] Jacob: People claim like there's evidence of ufos being like underground in antarctica like you know like underground that's like the war of the worlds whatever like they had their ships underground or sort the energy sources they were there all along yeah they were they're all along the pilots came out and it's like you do wonder that there's like so many things like even in like even like talking about the ocean like we only know so much about the ocean we don't know about yeah like what is it like 70 percent we don't know about yeah which is such a crazy thing too we know more about space than we do our oceans that is **** terrifying that's craziness that is if people don't think about the **** i'm like in the theory that we all agree on is that technically we kind of came from the ocean like or you know like if we believe in evolution yeah those things because like science right like

[01:36:55] Rikki: We have facts that's like how factual i don't know i mean there's so much stuff that's that makes sense and there's so much stuff that it's so hard to stick to it to stick to one thing like i definitely believe in evolution i don't think that we understand a lot of like there's some sort of aspect of evolution that has to have room for like spirit or like yeah hair power yeah like i don't want to like just like boulder it and say like no because i totally believe in evolution yeah we all came from **** monkeys like we did yeah have you so have you heard the stone nape theory no stone tape theory is i'm probably gonna butcher this too again it's on joe rogan um but essentially like that when we were monkeys we started like climbing down out of trees for whatever reason and we started like looking for food sources and we started like of course inevitably flipping over cow pies and you find shrooms and then essentially like the human consciousness was formed by excessive use of like psychedelics no way yeah and so um and there's way

[01:37:59] Rikki: More elaborate about that too i think there's some people who think that shrooms came from comets like the first room came off like a comet or like a an asteroid rather forget at what point it's a comet or an asteroid but um and then like we stumbled upon those and we're like we ate like an alien species of a shroom and that's what made us like so that's yeah you can have this conversation with jay because she'll tell you about like psychedelics and like how it makes us more aware i just had i had a reiki session with her two weeks ago no way so did i it was an office two weeks ago but it was like around the time yeah i mean what did you get out of it

[01:38:33] Jacob: Um it was pretty cool um so we did it here so relaxing oh she got your house yeah so she came over and we did it um she just did a 30 minute session and then like right away within five minutes we sat down and had a podcast combo like because we just thought that would be cool like i could try it i was definitely stumbling over words i was like just i felt like i was so tired oh god like i had um it was good though i had um like within the first five minutes i had tears for sure um and i had a couple moments of like

[01:39:06] Rikki: Like chills and like um like my physical body would kind of like vibrate and stuff and of course they're all like correlated with like you kind of have thoughts come up and like kind of pass out almost like in a way like um you don't you

[01:39:20] Jacob: Don't pass out i mean like the thoughts come and it's not like you're like oh this is for sure this thing happening you just kind of have like interesting like um like you know it's a healing thing like so she we had spoken afterwards and she talked to me she's like you know things with your father came up and i during kind of had like a little bit of like kind of the thought about those sort of things um it's so interesting like because your brain just really wants to understand it but mostly i was just like i remain in disbelief and i and i you're she you're shielding yourself from like because you want to be skeptical a little bit you're like because she is my really good friend so i want to be a little bit skeptical but like she knows she knows she knows things about my life she knows things about you like she knows you and but like when she does touch you like you do feel like sensations and like thoughts different it's like you unexplainable yeah like i know what you're saying no

[01:40:19] Jacob: Yeah it truly is and it's a you know it's very interesting to like she'd be at my feet and i would feel like my right arm would get chills you know like warmth in a certain space i feel like the warmth i think or like where the crystals were

[01:40:35] Rikki: Or like where i was hurting what have your experience has been i've only done reiki once with her um like we did like an hour session and like i was just feeling like a vibration like warmth in certain areas she got like a bunch of personal things out but it was mainly like i think it had to do with like my breast implants like how i like i was like healing still like and just like things i've been struggling with like my dad also

[01:41:02] Jacob: Right yeah i mean it's so interesting i think that our brains are always looking for something to like help us out right like a release yeah and i think i mean it's still it's

[01:41:17] Rikki: Nudging up against my beliefs like it's still so new to me and i talked with her about that too and she's so cool and she's such a great teacher when it comes to that stuff but like the way i see it is you know it's like acupuncture if you're going to go like why not try it and experience it and see if like if you feel better after i want to try it actually yeah have you done it more than once yeah what's it like in Hawaii because i used to have really bad restless leg syndrome i don't know why i only had it in Hawaii i had it severely yeah and i was like i'm gonna go get something done like not like i was like i'm gonna do acupuncture because i had it covered with insurance and like it really did help with my restless leg syndrome so cool yeah and just relaxing yeah of

[01:41:58] Rikki: Course yeah i mean and just i think just being vulnerable like in that state like whether it's a massage or whether it's whatever like that's a there's no other time in our life where you would like do that really yeah unless it's like a person have you ever been like a medium no i haven't you haven't yeah you need to do that that's like the big that's like the craziest experience i've ever had i'm going to one next week oh no **** i'm going to the same one i've already seen her once is this something that you share or is it something that you keep to yourself like is it oh i share it

[01:42:27] Jacob: Okay what was your first experience um yeah i've only seen one person i've only seen her once i'm seeing her next week but um i was dating a guy at the time and i brought him to the to the reading and she just

[01:42:41] Rikki: She like wants to know your name but she doesn't find out the other person's name and i was like kind of skeptical i'm like okay like maybe she googled me like whatever my dad's like death was all over the internet so i was like maybe like she knew about him prior because she's from Woodland she lives up like a river somewhere and

[01:42:58] Jacob: She just knew so many details about him

[01:43:01] Rikki: And like how he died and like how he felt when he died and like who was struggling in the family because i have three sisters and she was like you have three siblings or two siblings but you're there's three of you and i was like yeah she was like the middle one struggling the most and i was like oh okay i was like my middle sister my older sister and i was like okay yeah i could see that and she like had these details like where i played outside like my childhood like she's like your dad she your dad um planted a cherry tree in your backyard and i was like okay yeah he did that was **** weird because she was talking about like because he died in a plane crash and she was like he died instantly and i was like yeah he i think so and like i was like maybe she had googled that and i was like i'm like skeptical so i'm like try not to give her like you wouldn't know about a cherry tree though yeah and she was like because we had like two acres growing up and he was like he planted a cherry tree and he did

[01:43:53] Rikki: And like with cherry trees i think you have to you have to plant two because they can't survive without one or like each other and so it died yeah i didn't know that either i asked my mom later on but she was like yeah and like he struggled with it and i was like oh yeah i don't know i was like i don't know what it looked like but it was like this random ass plant in the middle of our yard and i remember i was like i remember that and she's like we used to play around it a lot and i was like yeah i did that's so weird and she moved on to like there's like little things that she said that he's with me like all this stuff i was like skeptical she moved on to like the guy i was dating at the time and he raced motocross and his friend had passed away like when he was like 15. and he had like this necklace on under his like she didn't know his name prior to this like anything she had he had his neck his friend's necklace on he like wears his like clothes and stuff and she's like you're

[01:44:44] Rikki: Struggling with a friend of yours that passed away and he like wasn't giving her anything i didn't really know like i knew of his friend but i didn't really know like if it was like connecting to him and she's like you're wearing his necklace right now and like he **** turned white bro that is that's crazy i'm like okay and he was like yeah and like he's skeptical too but like he like he's really open to that stuff but he was like what like what is happening he had the necklace on and i was like what is going on and she was just like giving him like advice and it was like so genuine and so sweet it was like ugh it was beautiful i cried

[01:45:23] Jacob: Wow that's like such an incredible like we i mean like all cultures have always had some sort of like shaman or you know uh like healer or wise knower sage you know i mean

[01:45:36] Rikki: Our society outside of religion we don't really have like a place for that person and i think that person is still like maybe we can't fully comprehend what they know yeah but they know things that we don't some religions like are against like mediums and like oh yeah things like that yeah like readers just because like they think like it's devil work and it's sad because like she gave me like peace a little bit yeah honestly i'm like if i go next week i'm like hopefully she gives me some **** advice like what should i do with my life like i don't know she's just a good like

[01:46:10] Jacob: Like person to be around atmosphere and like even if she gave me like advice i'd be up for it but i don't know how

[01:46:18] Rikki: Much she's going to tell me but i don't know oh that's so interesting i feel like i would go i would definitely go i'm going to give you her number she's so amazing and she has like horses and she's just really relaxing she's a horse girl yes oh okay she's like older it's different it's different yeah it is it's funny the horoscope joke um yeah that's interesting i've never been to a medium i mean i

[01:46:41] Jacob: I've like i've been to others and i've been really weird about like i don't know how much i believe you know yeah i mean again though we're always searching for like a truth like is that for sure true or not and it's kind of like there's not really like one underlying truth about everything i don't think i think it's like does it resonate with you yeah how open are you yeah like don't you know like if it can project you into if it could give you answers that like seem to kind of fit the puzzle pieces in your head that you've been kind of going through and you're like oh wow okay this person sees a different perspective on my situation than i do um and you could follow it and it makes your life a little bit better like man why not yeah why not i listened to

[01:47:21] Rikki: Um abraham hicks she's a channeler

[01:47:24] Jacob: Um or so her name is esther hicks but the entity that enters is abraham hicks and it's pretty intense you know that's more of like the immediate like channels and stuff yeah but um it's profound information like a lot of times like i'll be listening to it's like 15 20 minutes long and there'll be like one sentence out of the whole thing that just like jumps at me i'm like okay i need to hear that you know that's always empowering anybody like whatever kind of like feels like it's interesting to you whatever is kind of your intuitively like i want to try that out like who cares what everybody else thinks like who cares what's like you know right like the one truth yeah do you believe in like past lives i don't know i haven't explored it too much i mean yeah it's you know where the way that i have an understanding of like what human consciousness is like of course we're reoccurring like of course i believe in like some sort of some level of consciousness reincarnation yeah but i don't know like how we would hold on to the memory of our past lives

[01:48:28] Jacob: Well i mean we i don't think most of us do you think that it's something everybody has access to though like through the akashic records and stuff i mean yeah we if we're like we're aware of it and we open ourselves up to it yeah but like ah **** i don't know wait have you wait you did you were talking about you did the past life aggression did you this is like new to me like i just like okay like how do you experience like when you experience data like how do you feel like deja vu when i experience deja vu um do you yeah explain to me for me it's this sudden questioning like have i been here before and then and then it's like uh have i already relived this sort of thing um but i feel like also for some reason i've always had your hands yeah it's in your head yeah like and then i also wonder like if have i like dreamt it before like is like my mind like preparing myself for this kind of situation like i like i try to find like a reasonable like explanation for it but i also

[01:49:30] Rikki: Wonder if like we've known that person in the past have you really connected so hard to somebody you're like i know them i've known them like the minute you meet them you're like i know this person like why do i like note this person so well yeah i mean i have that but for me it's like it's being comfortable yeah well yeah i think it's selfishly is it's like i can fully be myself with this person it's like a it's a country do i connect with them so well and like their old friend or something yeah like the minute i meet them i'm like what the **** i'm like have i met you before but i don't know yeah i like i tried the

[01:50:10] Rikki: Whole like trying to remember my past life but i'm like so skeptical like i am like i don't know about that stuff yet so of course i mean it's hard to just shielded because i've done i've done um like hypnotism like i've done like hypnotherapy and stuff and i've done like i want to do that like those situations i could send you a couple um marissa peer um she seemed to be a pretty good one for me it's just like very nice the way she talks it was very trusting but um and she and with hypnotherapy you kind of like you kind of do go back into those like memories that

[01:50:42] Jacob: You didn't even realize were there like yeah like i'm like oh like i guess i knew that was kind of a memory but i never knew it meant anything to me and it's in and she'll be like you know exactly the memory it is you know exactly what time of day like you know the temperature outside like those sort of things and you just kind of like populate back and you really do find yourself thinking of that exactly like that's what i did last night it's like he like goes through like this he's like you're gonna remember like a childhood memory and like i was remembering like remembering little details of this

[01:51:10] Rikki: Like random childhood memory i remember like we were on like a four-wheeler and like there was like a like a slit and like the four-wheeler like four-wheeler seat i was like why do i remember that what the **** and then like i remember like my dad used to like turn off the four-wheeler to like cruise down to be quiet and like i just never thought about that it's like he like he makes you open your eyes like little details yeah and like i was like i'm wondering if i like still if i listen to this for longer like how much i could open right i was

[01:51:41] Jacob: Like six or seven at the time so i'm like how did you did you feel like scared at all like when you're oh my god i feel scared i couldn't sleep last night so i was listening to this and i was like well **** no wonder you couldn't sleep last night you're talking about past life no i was like listening to that **** stupid scary podcast and i was like oh my god i'm listening like past life stuff i was like oh my god i'm so woke

[01:52:00] Rikki: I was like 2 a. m i couldn't sleep and i was like i'm just gonna like listen to my past life and like i kept like seeing like images in my head like **** up images i'm like what the **** i don't even know what this is about like i don't i like i'm **** weird dude like i'm with you i do all the same **** now you're having intrusive alien thoughts yes i'm like **** abduct me like study me check me out yeah i want to know like drop me off later but like tell me what's wrong with me also like what's up like i want to see you i want to see what you look like yeah like if there's going to be a huge abduction like say they take they won't be huge they'll take a few have you ever watched the fourth kind no i don't think so it's like a scary movie you need to watch that later the fourth kind yeah is it is it scary or suspenseful i mean both it's not scary to some people but it's like suspenseful enough to spook you but it's about like alien abductions they think it's alien

[01:52:48] Rikki: Abductions but in juneau alaska like you have to like fly there or fly to get to this town i guess i don't i'm not sure how it goes but um like random people have gone missing and like they all went to the same counselor because it was a small town and they were all having the same nightmares oh **** that's weird dude yeah and like imagine being a counselor you'd be like oh and her and eventually the counselors like little girl got kidnapped and she's never been found and they think that she's crazy like whatever dude she like i don't know how real this **** movie is but like i believe in the stuff i'm like dude **** alien abductions they're like reading like going into their mind and like making you crazy i mean what if okay so elon musk says

[01:53:31] Jacob: That we like we are organic bootloaders for ai he says sentences like that which is like oh **** like so what if we are like we kind of are

[01:53:43] Rikki: The alien thing like it's just like humans what humans grow into like in the future yeah but like when we grow into that it's a this is such a thought experiment this might sound so crazy but i love it what if like what we grow into is actually kind of like aliens like we grow into like our understanding of what that is it's not that we become something different than we are it's just that evolution keeps doing what evolution does yeah and we grow into like an understanding of like different dimensions and different versions of consciousness and different like the forms are what we see in our because we see physical form in our five senses but maybe watching like the matrix or like you watch rick and morty i love Rikki oh **** i love rick and morty like to get high and watch rick and morty but what's another like glitch in the matrix type thing like

[01:54:36] Jacob: Interstellar yeah interstellar it's this incredible movie there was a radio rental the podcast okay let me

[01:54:43] Rikki: Tell you this **** story i mean okay i don't know how good i'm gonna tell it you can you can edit this out but this girl like this guy and this girl they just moved to new york it's like 2011 2010 whatever they're like they're like **** hyped up they moved to a new city they're like they have jobs going to college whatever they go to like an engagement party they get drunk like not that drunk they like go home like sleep he like wakes up at noon his girlfriend's out there it's not that weird because like she has a crazy job she goes into meetings and stuff whatever he's like i'm gonna go out he's gonna make some breakfast make coffee go out for a smoke he's like in new york city like um manhattan or something like that he's like downtown he's like smoking a cigarette he hears like heels coming towards them

[01:55:26] Jacob: It's his girlfriend she like shoves him she's yelling at him she's like **** you can't believe you would do that to me and he's like the first thing i noticed she was wearing like some **** crazy ass outfit like she had like clubbing clothes on and he's like it's noon he's like what are you wearing he said what are you doing and he's like what did i do like i'm so like what do you mean like he's like so confused she's like going up she's like walking past him going to the door typing in the code the like the code to the building goes in she has a purse he's like following her he's like what did i do and she's like you know you **** did she's like mad at him whatever she takes out a set of keys like younique's had a keys opens up the door and he's like what the **** is going on

[01:56:05] Jacob: And she's packing up her **** she's like i'm **** leaving you we're breaking up like everything was great like the night before like they were so happy he's like it was like the highlight of our life like they were so happy to be in a new city and he's like what the **** did you like did you go through my phone like did you like misunderstand something and she

[01:56:22] Jacob: Packs like a bag of like a bunch of clothes and she like picks up a plant like throws out the tv breaks the tv breaks the plant whatever leaves he follows her she gets in the cab drives away he's on the street and he's like my girlfriend's broke with me what the **** four seconds later his girlfriend's like wrapped around his like waist he feels like a woman wrapped around his waist four seconds later after she gets in the cap and he's like what the **** and he's like he's like who is this and it's his girlfriend different clothes like hunky-dory like in a great in a great **** mood and she's like true story and she's like what's going on like what's wrong she's like i just got off work like blah and he like doesn't say anything and he's like and she's like what's going on with you how can you make sense of like

[01:57:09] Rikki: He's like thinking to himself and he's like am i like how do i have to like sign my like put myself insane asylum like do i am schizophrenic like that's what i'm thinking in my head like as i'm listening to this he has nothing to gain by like telling the story he's not telling his name he's not like telling like much detail and he's like the first thing i'm gonna do i'm gonna go see if the apartment's **** up so he runs up to the apartment the door is like slightly cracked and everything is like broken and he's like okay i'm not crazy it happened he's like but what if i did that he's like he's like what if i did that and or that's what i thought i was like what if he like **** did that he opened the door with the keys because he remembers specifically her opening at the door with the keys right cause he said he locked the door like to go get a smoke and she's like the girlfriend comes in she's like bawling she's like do we get robbed like what's going on like what the **** they look at the security tapes and there was a girl that looked identical

[01:58:04] Jacob: Dude yes that's terrifying **** up okay a glitch in the matrix how long ago was this what was this 2012 2011 2010. and like it was like cct cc tv or whatever so like you couldn't really like it was exactly what he described he was like this girl came in she had a **** set of keys like she opened the door i didn't open the door for her well she knew the code too you said yeah so they saw that so like she like because they called the cops her dad was like a cop or something like that and they um because she was like were you cheating on me or was this a girl that had a key like yeah and she or what happened like they caught the cops did fingerprints because like they were so it was her dad that did it and the only fingerprint prints that were on the door was the girlfriend and the boyfriend that's

[01:58:53] Rikki: **** crazy like what do you what if that was the only interaction you ever had like that in like the rest of your life you're just like hopefully that doesn't happen again i know and it's like i was like maybe the girlfriend's crazy but like how because he's like she was in a cab when that my other when the other happy girlfriend walked up she was like i could see the cap he's like i don't know there's no way she could have snuck out of the cab and he went to like uh like a psychology team i don't even know what he like a professor and he was like it was like a glitch in the matrix like it could be like overlapping realities and i was like there's no way how it's like why is the first story i've heard i don't know i'm just like i believe him because he's so genuine when he tells the story he's not gaining anything by telling the story

[01:59:36] Rikki: Right well it's like i was saying with that bob lazar guy like it's like it doesn't make his life better to say hey i saw aliens because like imagine like having to live the rest of your life like the majority of people think you're crazy yeah he's like i told like five people a story and they're like bro you're **** weird that's a cool story but you're weird yeah and he's like he legit he was so sad he legitimately thought he was crazy i mean you would never be able to forget about that also like i would question my like sanity i'd be like am i crazy like or is

[02:00:02] Rikki: My girlfriend crazy yeah or somebody playing tricks on me does she have an evil twin sister this is what i think about like okay think about dudes like kanye west the poor guy like oh my god i feel so bad for him i want to give him a hug so bad i know i wish i could hug him too like right now of course it's this is just going through it for sure but like i remember i was listening to an interview and he was like he was sensible in the interview he's like i honestly thought that like people were putting brain microchips in my head like he was like thinking those level of things but imagine if you see one crazy alien weird situation like that the rest of your life you're gonna be like cool that's probably **** real like oh my god how do you determine between your intrusive thoughts And your like regular thoughts also yeah like if you see something crazy like that you're gonna be like everything's **** **** up crazy yeah like are you are you the alien version of my girlfriend or ah well maybe though maybe god i don't know maybe we just don't understand our reality as much as we think we do

[02:00:58] Jacob: I mean i don't know like

[02:01:01] Rikki: But maybe i don't know i went on reddit because i was like i need to like that's where you get the answers i'm sorry i get the answer like yeah True Crime like if you ever want to like learn about True Crime stories i go and read it but i they're like maybe she had a twin a girl that looked like her that took advantage of the situation because it's 2011. i have no idea oh right yeah but like the professor he went to if you listen to the podcast it makes more sense than i explain it but he's like i understand it's like overlapping realities but i was like i don't know how much of that i believe i like made my sister listen to it last night and she was like i don't know like he does sound genuine but okay which one's that one more time i think i want to listen to that one radio rental radio rental episode two

[02:01:44] Rikki: Like if there's a couple there's a couple stories in each yeah episode so the site i like those too because i feel like they've been doing a good job i don't know if they did it did it on this one but they um like on the Spotify like those like short stories they tell yeah they do like a lot of cool like sound effects oh my god it makes you so scared yeah yeah it's so cool i've listened to like i listened on the way and i was like so terrified i was like oh my god it was about mental illness but like that's very explainable

[02:02:10] Jacob: Right but i'm just oh it's so scary so sad yeah some are some stories are scary and like you can't explain but some are just like sad tragic right i mean i enjoy just

[02:02:22] Rikki: Learning about them because i love that edge of like our knowledge where we're like flipping the switch off and on of like dude do i believe this or not i know i love that like i think it's so cool it helps with my anxiety i'm like relaxed

[02:02:36] Jacob: Right yeah you're exploring what because you kind of what you end on is kind of this like comfort and not knowing you're like yeah i really don't know and it's kind of reminder of like i don't really know a lot of this stuff like that you know life is so crazy in so many different layers like you can't know all the truths and all the reality you know so true or is it

[02:02:59] Rikki: I don't know where is it um we're getting up here pretty well in time my friend okay um i got to take a leak so oh my god so do i well it's about that time so let's send them off i appreciate you talking about aliens and ufos and alternate realities And uh Breast implants and politics sadly i mean i started us out with the mask so it was a great combo though i appreciate you coming on and talking about it um can we just send off um one little just piece of advice like that maybe through like the breast implant situation That the um that you've learned like because i always say so shaylee always says think about what would what would a young jake like 16 year old jake what would he need to hear like what would be some **** that would that would help him at 16. so what do you have for like younger people who are like i want to get breast implants or i want to change my body yeah if i was if i could

[02:03:58] Outro: Tell my younger self i would just be like you know health as well no um health is most important and um just like i don't know it's cliche but love your body how it is sad but it's yours it's yours yeah and it's um you know if you cut yourself open you can't take it back and it's really sad yeah to know that well i really appreciate you coming here and sharing like such a personal story like you know of course like especially when you when you had to go through you know mental things like it's all horrific it's all terrible to have to go through like these pains and stuff but you know it's hard to speak about when you went through like mental health stuff so i really appreciate you coming to talk about thanks for having me yes of course listener take care of yourself stretch

[02:04:45] Outro: Drink some water do some pilates do some yoga do something take care of yourselves have a good day ahoy guys i hope you enjoyed the episode whatever app you're on if you don't mind just hitting follow or share or review or star or heart or whatever it is on the app just interact with it just share it with somebody just give me a review give me a something i appreciate it i'm glad that You guys take the time to listen to anything that me or anybody that i know has to say it's fantastic also whatever you're doing right now just get present don't let yourself just keep listening to a bunch of other podcasts don't let yourself just do a bunch of more YouTube videos get outside and stretch go start working on that thing that you want to be working on start chipping away at your dreams just do 10 minutes of it just get present follow your heart see you later see you next episode next week peace