The JYLP Episode 069 with Crystal Nyman - Trimming Off What No Longer Serves You

[00:00:06] Intro: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast At what age do we learn how to have Better conversations At what age do we learn to have better conversations with ourselves Hey hello welcome people of earth i'm Happy you are here it's me your host a green bean Today we have Crystal Nyman on the podcast we talk all things growth all things changing all things artistry Uh social media influencers learning from Your mistakes uh honoring yourself accepting growth It's great we talk so much great stuff on here i hope you enjoyed the episode if you do make sure you share it make sure you like make sure you follow make sure you leave a review if you have some time i appreciate all of that if you want to stay posted on what's going on in the world of Junkyard Love in the uh creations of what i'm creating as my alias jacobfromtheinternet Follow me on instagram jacobfromtheinternet i usually keep the podcast Updates there um i post clips there i post trailers for the podcast there so check that out jacobfromtheinternet on instagram and also check out Crystal Nyman as well on instagram cheers guys

[00:01:32] Jacob: Hope you enjoy the episode Smoking like had to get rid of it Nicotine's a hell of a drug though yeah she's so addictive like you quite cool i feel like the first time i quit smoking cigarettes it was i went like six months without smoking and then it was on my birthday and i was like i'm gonna have a cigarette when i'm out and then quitting after that it's i Mean you're like you have a pack so you're like goes from smoking when you're drinking to like yeah i'll have one yeah you're like i'm not gonna throw away the pack yeah Yeah no it's good the vape i don't know how to feel about it but it's better than a cigarette so that's kind of how i feel when i buy um like all my cookies or something and i'm like i'll spread this out for a few days and then like yeah anyway i'm like i'm killing this box for sure i know that's we had um some friends over for Super bowl and we have so many like chips and snacks and things and it's like

[00:02:27] Jacob: You have them you're like oh i'll just like dabble and then you're like no that bag is gone i'm going ham yeah yesterday was like Where's that nacho cheese i was like i put some in a bowl and then i was like get rid of it get rid of it he's like boy you threw it out it was perfectly like you waste so much food i'm like **** no i know well dude i do the same Thing though because i'll enjoy it at first or i'll you know over-indulge from shopping or whatever and then like i said i think i'm spreading it out and then i'm sitting there eating the whole **** bag and i just can't stop so a lot of times i'll literally just throw away the last halfway it seems wasteful but i don't know what are you gonna do with the bag yeah um hey when was the first time That you do you remember the first time you smoked a cigarette

[00:03:08] Crystal: Yeah I was actually in high school yeah it was about at a party or yeah i had um people up at my house Actually and It was a camel turkish gold You remember the type yeah and then you Know what was actually i remember going up and visiting uh my friend mary in seattle and she had The it was like a camel pack but it was black pink and teal so appealing where you're like oh i want to smoke that it was like a light menthol i thought it was so cool too is that funny how the companies play to like You know young people like pretty colors that was a cigarette for like young girls for sure the young girl Cigarette now everybody smokes the jewels i feel like the i hope that we don't learn that you know they're worse for us in the long run but it seems i don't know it seems better It's like there's not like that heat going directly to you well i think too like of course we're always going to find new things um and you're always justifying your vices right i think

[00:04:11] Crystal: So i smoked the jewel for a long time and that was good because like i stopped smoking the cigarettes it's crazy because i actually um my boyfriend will his younger brother He's in high school and like that's the one who i saw it from like every he's like half the people in high school smoke it and so he's the one that got me started on that So i smoked the jewel and then there was all that stuff like do you remember when it was like vape you know people are in the hospital for vapes and all this stuff yeah Looking back i'm like was that the beginning of COVID um oh **** i didn't even think about that right so there's that scared that and so I was like all right i have to stop the jewel and so i would stop the jewel but then the next thing you know i'm like i have my american spirits back and like doing hair you can't smoke and do hair it's just like you can't be smelling like a cigarette and like up close with someone so it's like that balance of all right do i

[00:05:02] Crystal: Really want to smoke but you mean you get off work and you're like that's what you look forward to it's a cigarette um but i feel like i've like dabbled Back and forth but they made those like puff bars now and so i like looking I'm like the puff bars are terrible because that's like it's in a plastic first of all like the waist like you're wasting so much just plastic because you use it once and then you throw it out but the jewels like at least you're gonna lose are using the smaller things but again so i was trying to quit The jewel so then you're like okay well i'll just buy a puff bar kind of like the indulging with the chips where it's like this is gonna limit me you know this will be it um but those i would feel like when i'm working out like you would feel them in your chest so i think with stuff like That where it's not regulated i would like compare it back like okay well at least joule is like a regulated thing um

[00:05:53] Crystal: And then i more recently have switched to the sworn which you buy like the salt nicotine and You can get like a lower dose so i think as far as like trying to quit something that's probably the best way because you can actually monitor the amount of nicotine that you're getting and you know what's going on yeah and it Lasts so much longer there's not as much waste like your device lasts longer and then it has like a coil that You switch out so i had a i had a pax pen Which was it was thc in mine uh this is a while back ago but it was i remember the coolest part about it was um it was connected to an iphone app it's connected to bluetooth and so you can set like your temperature settings you know based off of like what your it was a session i think they would call it yeah and basically it was good because i would notice you know just like just like we would all do you know when it comes to cigarettes or vapes or you know you know the thc

[00:06:50] Crystal: Pens whatever it's almost kind of like if you're getting stressed out or you're nervous you're like say you're at a social setting you step outside you're going to be like you know your breath of fresh air so to say and uh i really like the pack spin because the app I would notice that i would like stress smoke it like i would be getting anxiety i'm like oh i'm just gonna try to get really high to what i don't know whatever was in my head and so on the app you could set it to be like 60 seconds and then the thing locks

[00:07:19] Crystal: Oh wow you can't just sit there if you're stressed out just outside for five minutes like if you set your little session time so that was kind of cool you know i we gotta we have all these really cool you know updated technology and these cool new ways to get you know a little bit altered states of consciousness or reduce stress or reduce like all these things you know the craziness of the world it's kind of cool that technology changes along with it we could slowly like wean off or kind of control our vices to some extent i guess again that might be justification but no i get That um i mean that's like the double edged sword see where you're like so much technology is so nice but then Like i was watching um Judas and the black messiah the other night um which very good movie highly recommend um but we were just talking about like

[00:08:07] Crystal: Times were just so different and with that actually netflix has a movie chicago seven so we watched the two of those and we're like back then it's just so crazy because you don't have like the instant technology and the social media and stuff where messages are you know shared so quickly Um but talking about that too i feel like we're just so much more fast paced now because we do have technology and all this stuff like it's like you constantly want like it's feeding the you know and i

[00:08:33] Jacob: Feel with that like you have anxiety and stuff like that um yeah so it's interesting i'm like sometimes i wish i grew up in the 70s and then you see what was really going on and then you're like okay like at least we're like you know able to become more aware and talk about these things that have kind of been just pushed along you know and we're talking like they uh cover the vietnam war and how like we Weren't supposed to be there you know and it's just interesting You know how things have changed but Technology i feel like is giving a Forefront to people to be able to kind of spread their messages and stuff like that so right yeah it definitely has i mean i I think i think our generation like Really thinking about how much i always try to rephrase this

[00:09:24] Crystal: And i always try to find like the correct phrasing because i don't want to sound like oh we know more than our parents by far because it's not necessarily that i mean i get but like if you do want to quantify sheer information like how much information is shoved into our brains like me already this morning i was up at i don't know 7 45 and right away i'm like listening to like youtube lectures and i like listen to multiple things i listen to that the ass end of a podcast as i was just showering like we're always inserting new information new perspectives and those new perspectives who are people talking now like um like they're also Kind of younger people who grew up in this era they're also doing the same thing so the flow of information the flow of like new Thoughts new ways of being knowing information Like it's almost um it's beautiful But it can be crippling in a sense too i think like knowing everything i mean There's almost something i think about

[00:10:22] Crystal: The like when you're walking down the street and you know there's a homeless person and you kind of like because you can't just like you know withdraw all the money from your bank account every time you see a homeless person and give them their money to get you know back up on their luck but there's almost Other layers of stuff like that where we walk past a homeless person we kind of have to deny our inner humanity we also almost have to deny like Like when i'm eating a tomato i have to Kind of not think about the fact that it could have been like child slavery way across the world You know there's just so much information that comes with everything that we're doing that we almost have to like choose to block some of it out in a way

[00:11:04] Crystal: Yeah it's interesting that you brought up the homeless thing too because um obviously i work in center city so in Philadelphia you see a lot of that um but i have thought the other day honestly like two days ago i was leaving and there was a guy outside he's like hey can you help me out and like you know he really looked like he needed some help and i when i first moved to college i got played by so many people like i saw a woman she gave me this story and i'm like didn't have hardly any money gave her like five dollars i see her the next day and she has a different story i mean it was like cancer the first time and then it was her boyfriend's beating her and i'm like oh but i had the other day i had just the Thought because he had asked me and i really don't have any like cash on me and you know we always

[00:11:43] Crystal: Talk about cash is king and i think with technology and things moving i'm like so at what point are we going to be like everything's digital and like when you want to give someone like some money you just like to bump your phones together and like transfer your money you know like things like that where i'm like i feel like as much as it's like you don't think that it could go there and that's a possibility of like you know everything becomes so digital yes yeah i mean where we Are our generation broad blanket Stroke there our generation is like

[00:12:16] Crystal: Like we're really having to figure out very quickly how to deal with all this technological change and like it's changing us like literally who humans are you the who the human species is and what we're capable of and what we're capable of knowing and how i mean the fact that i've said this before the fact that right now on this podcast i could if i knew someone you know in china i could just chime them in and they can turn their phone around and i see exactly what's going on in china right now like that's pretty crazy compared to like we're do we're just the thing that came after apes like what the hell we're able to see a portal across the world now i know i think with that too there is like a bit of anxiety like for instance with me with um My career path like a huge thing of it

[00:12:59] Jacob: Is having to have some sort of social media presence because you know you got to get yourself out there and like i have so much anxiety about you know originally deciding to do the podcast because i just feel like i'm i mean not super uncomfortable Because i'm talking to you but like if i were to just have to like talk to my camera like and give tutorials and things like that i'm super uncomfortable talking to no one you know so it's been a huge thing i was listening to a podcast the other day um it helps like stylists with the whole Business side of things and they were covering social media and like where you need to be putting the most of your time and things like that and you know i have this extra layer of anxiety that is kind of you know debilitating in the

[00:13:42] Crystal: Sense of like okay you got to tear down that wall and stop being fearful of this because that is you know a next step for you to be able to you know share what you know and you know there's so much knowledge about little things i was blowing out my hair today i'm like you know people don't know you can do this trick or that trick and you know there is knowledge to be shared is just kind of getting rid of that fear of you know putting yourself out there also

[00:14:07] Jacob: Like being the center of attention i have a hard time with that like i do so many um weddings and things like that and the more i do i'm like i don't want that day where it's like all about you tension's on you know like that's i mean like you know we can have like a party and stuff but i don't want it to be like centered around i don't have a hard time with that side of things no i totally get that in what you said about like kind of running your business your brand your like artistry on social media That's super rough i struggled with that a lot too did like um yesterday for example i was listening to garyvee i always try to like sprinkle in some garyvee just because i get a little too ethereal

[00:14:45] Jacob: And sometimes i'm like oh yeah like i've got a you know i have to make money and i have you know business and like things like that so i have to try to sharpen that so i'll listen to gary vee but yesterday he was talking about um linkedin essentially like and i was just sitting There thinking like that like low level of anxiety just immediately like crap i'm not doing enough on linkedin crap i'm like gonna miss this whole wave great i'm missing out all these people Are surpassing me in this area of business and whatever it's really hard though because I feel like you might be able to relate with this i feel like pretty fully because When you consider yourself just like an artist of sorts like i'm a creator or like yeah i do djing but i'm also doing podcasts and i'm also like trying to put my thoughts out or i'm trying to whatever and like you're also designing people's looks you're like you're drawing who they could potentially be you know it's like it's so it's so much artistry in itself so

[00:15:46] Jacob: Sometimes i feel like the artistry or like the authenticity of what you're truly doing starts to get like just a little muddied and murky'd when you're trying to throw in business and trying to make sure like you know like artistry doesn't always have that much to do with gdp you know i think it's hard to like Being an artist is just a tough thing And it's like it's interesting because I don't know i feel like it's the same with like so many different aspects of art too but it's like as soon as you

[00:16:16] Crystal: Like you're an artist but then like at what point do you become a sellout where people want to label you like oh you know and that's a tough thing it's like okay well if i'm now like making money or you know doing these things it's like ugh their sell out it's like well that's actually a step and becoming successful and you know and it's tough and i see a lot of um conversation on social media and now too um there's this uh stylist who's like Calling out like she's like i'm get invited to these like Um educational forums and she's like i get

[00:16:48] Crystal: So discouraged because as soon as someone says something that like other people don't agree with or they're doing something and they're like oh you ripped that off of them or like she's like you know you can't ever get ahead because there's always people tearing you down she's like so that's like a huge part honestly just stop inviting me because you know this is supposed to be an educational platform and all you guys are doing is just ripping each other apart so it's tough like i don't know i think It and it's the same thing with like tattooing and i think the other hard part about social media too is like at what point are you like gonna put More into your social media than you are into your craft because like you can get really good at social media and like get the right angles or take the right lighting or you know do all these things but in person you're like oh my god i saw their work and that was like not what i expected so it's tough with That side too of like trying to be authentic and show

[00:17:46] Crystal: A real you know image of what you Are actually capable of so it's tough With that yeah it seriously is i think a lot of artists i feel like a lot of artists can resonate with that i mean because so i look back on my instagram i Look back like when i was pretty much primarily just djing but the way that i would It's interesting how much time i would put into my social media like compared to like what the benefits Of me getting like all these cool like streetwear photos and like it is cool and it's fun in itself and it is like yeah you're supporting your brand and you're like you know you're kind of like taking over the role of like i guess i am some form of influencer or whatever We call those content creators now on social media and I it's like me going home and setting up You know taking an hour to like get the right angles and like get the right lighting and like oh what do i want to wear like if i want to change my shoes or something you know it's fun but like what if i spend that hour like practicing my craft of djing

[00:18:50] Jacob: Yeah you know what i mean like so it's kind of hard selling yourself yeah i think too like a big thing is there's times where i like look back on things i've done or like you know when you have the opportunity and you're like okay i want to do this for social media so often in those moments it's like i'm actually like the least satisfied or happy in that moment versus I'm like damn like i wish someone was just here like taking this video right now because like i just i love that application i love the way that i painted this or i love the way that this turned out and like so often those like great moments that i have i'm like i don't have anything to show for it and the moments where You know i do get some image i'm like all right that was like good but it wasn't my best you know so it's tough with that too like trying to balance showing your art as well as Doing your art so yeah it's

[00:19:44] Jacob: Very interesting i mean uh capitalism mixed in with like the essence the soul of a person trying to create like from like i'm a human trying to Make something that hasn't been done before or i'm trying to push the edge of what i have done before even like it's hard to match up like oh wait what does it have to do with late stage capitalism it's

[00:20:06] Crystal: I think like a big thing that i have a struggle with is like i want to like I got into hair it kind Of whirlwind of a bunch of different experiences and then like getting into this i'm like oh like i knew i was supposed to do this um But i also feel like it's tough because I don't know like you're in the moment like part of me doing this is like i want to make people feel good you know i'm always there to make someone like the best thing for Me like gratification is not like oh yeah Like that looked great to me it's like how that person feels and that person's like oh my god like this is amazing i feel so good like i wish i could go out right now like that's what i do it for So it's kind of hard too where you're like i have to appeal on a you know behind a screen to show

[00:20:59] Crystal: You know that this is what you can have but it's hard to like show that you know so you have to appeal in a way where you want people to come to you but i feel like i don't know it's kind of hard when you're like chasing likes and things like that it's like that's not what it's for it's like i want to make people feel good so it's hard when it's coming from you that you want other people to feel that you know satisfaction or that You know getting those likes and things yeah it's like when you when you chase the wrong thing like i mean you kind of have to chase that thing which you're posting on social media but you almost kind of attract the wrong parts of what

[00:21:36] Jacob: You were trying to get because i mean there's no like as i'm Just mindlessly say i wake up in the morning i'm mindlessly scrolling in my bed through instagram and i see your posts it's gonna it's not going to make me when i see that i'm not going to say oh wow that person experienced incredible happiness joy like the confidence they had that day wow you obviously you don't feel that like it's not we haven't made that possible through our screens yet anyway so what you see is almost what you're trying to sell and it's interesting because it's Suddenly in this marketplace i mean i get social media is kind of inherently a marketplace anyway especially nowadays but it's you're suddenly competing

[00:22:19] Crystal: Against people that you weren't trying to compete against right now you're all of a sudden like oh well where do you rank against all the other hair people in the world you know and you're like i'm not trying to i'm just trying to create what i specifically create from this little corner of my life and my world and i want to make people happy but when people see it's kind of oh we're comparing you know i actually see this um rappers is something i see this a lot with which you know rappers get a lot of flack but like these **** work hard on the gram like they go in and in a lot of times i feel like I'll respect the heck out of them um like be and there will be people who are really good like i'm scrolling and get like a two minute freestyle that's just fire but yeah they're comparing it they're like well he ain't eminem right he wasn't trying to compare to eminem like what about how good he is at what he does and like what he brings to people with what he has we

[00:23:12] Crystal: Social media accidentally makes us compare everything to everything else yeah and i think too that's a huge thing i talk about it all the time i'm like It's crazy to me that but there's so Many creative people out there you know like and you can take it to any industry i'd love to take it to music because um you know before kobe my one of my Favorite things about Philly is like whatever kind of music you're into you can find that music here like live music you can go to like a small little bar and get someone though who's local who's just playing you're like oh my god like her voice is absolutely incredible and it's just like it's hard because you're like how do it's hard to make that step to where you're famous it's like how can we as a collective world population like we

[00:23:57] Crystal: Know certain names like and that makes sense you know they get out but how is there not so many more names that you know you get to hear all music like how is it every day i'm not hearing a new song like hearing something and it's just it's hard to get to that next level where it's like okay like you made it you're on that next platform like so i think that's one thing that will be

[00:24:17] Crystal: Moving forward is and we see it now like with social media um like influencers but there's like i think at some point and i think j cole's actually said this that you know that at some point there's not going to be famous people because you know there's so many people can branch out and you can get this widespread you know where people know you or follow you and see your stuff so at what point do we stop like idolizing certain people and there's a wider platform you know there's enough to go around for everyone so hopefully at some point we can get to a place where you can't share but i guess it starts with us like i'm saying like i don't like on social media really push those limits and do those things because i feel like to do the things to get attraction was against what i actually believe in myself is like what you should do you know to have a happy and positive life like you don't need this fame or you know i'm

[00:25:10] Crystal: Never chasing i don't need to be liked by everyone i just want to make good solid collect connections with the people that i do meet you know a hundred percent Said beautifully i like that a lot yeah i think uh i kind of wonder if Okay i saw this reddit comment a while it was been a while back now but um Somebody was basically asking i think it was before COVID so they were basically asking what's different from when i was in high school that i or what's something they were basically asking younger kids who are in high school right now what's something that you experience now that i probably wouldn't believe or that was different from my day back in my day or whatever and the top comment was we don't really have clicks anymore everybody just hangs out with who they want to hang out with and like within their social community Or mobile community like so everyone's kind of connected through social media in like our avatars on there and they said there's not really much of clicks as much anymore

[00:26:06] Jacob: Yeah and so i kind of wonder if maybe Where fame is going it's not like there's not Going to be so many household names where everybody in your house knows these certain people you know like there's you know we're going to know ellen degeneres we're going to know the weekend like there is going to be you know people who there is generalized everybody knows about but under one roof it might be like well what mom is into is this stuff and we don't know any of the people but in her world in her social you know mobile community like That's a famous person to her and then me because i study you know motocross i know the popular motocross guys so maybe we'll just kind of fall more into our niches of who's popular for what we Truly enjoy rather than just here's this

[00:26:51] Jacob: Person here's cardi b and everybody needs to love her you know right i think to live with that generation of i mean i think we have like myspace that was like the big thing that came out like when i was in high school and then towards the very end facebook came up and i remember my cousin was like he's in college and he's like wait you have a facebook he's like you don't have a college email how do you have that um But like myspace was our social You know outlet at that point and i think now like i do young girls you know who are in high school and they come in and like

[00:27:25] Jacob: You know their friends are like oh no like she goes to a different high school it's not about who you go to school with or things like that it's like you have these different connections and you know they're always connected and they have all these different you know different groups and things that they do so that is actually i talk about that all the time though with that i feel like being connected to your phone all the time um and having like social media be there when you're young and you're learning who you are like feeling the pressure to post and you know be yourself but then you know getting Like bullying and things like that like it's one thing to go to school and deal with that when you're trying to figure out like who am i what do i like um but then to take that home with you and then have the you know constant like It's like a popularity contest all the time that you're constantly

[00:28:17] Crystal: In i feel like it's just gotta be so tough yeah because we get kind of sucked into the avatars that we're trying to portray on here on social media and you know uh Like we were just talking about myspace i mean i would i loved myspace like When it first came around i wonder i just wonder i wonder how much it truly changed me as in like if i had never gotten my space at those you know crucial ages of 14 15 16 whatever i wonder Like who i would be now i wonder if i would care that much about social media now if i care about branding i wonder if i would care about um i don't know a lot of the things that i'm that i'm into now it's almost kind of like our first little toe dip in the water i would actually i would and again this isn't a bad thing

[00:29:02] Jacob: I enjoyed it this was seriously like fun my friend me and my friends would go like take photos like oh let's go down to the railroad tracks and take you know with our skeleton fingerless gloves and our eyeliner and take photos and then like but we would go start to do things outside that we could then take from Outside and put online and now it's like making our social avatar and I think the answer that though like i think the answer is yes like you would You would be the same it wouldn't you know change anything because i think that's why social media is so big because we realize like we as people we do like you know that gratification from Other people we do like that you know feeding our ego If you will um but it is interesting to

[00:29:48] Crystal: Talk about like going out and taking your pictures i remember you know you go from msn days when you're waiting for the computer to dial up and you get to sit and chat um you're tying up the phone line your mom's like get off you know i can't get any phone calls but that and i remember when my space first came out digital cameras so my mom got Me this digital camera but you couldn't see there's no like display you know so you're just taking random pictures and we would go outside and we would take it would hold 16 pictures so we take 16 pictures plug it into the usb load down up to or Upload them to the computer and then you're like oh i don't like to see you go back out and take more and then i just had my friend in from college but uh softball with me did her

[00:30:29] Crystal: Hair yesterday and we're like oh my god we used to go out and that's when actual digital cameras were the thing and we would just go to a party for a night and we would take a whole album full of pictures and upload them To our social media and her facebook at that time and i look back at the pictures now i'm like it's just crazy how much it has evolved In such a short time honestly you know 10 years ago and yeah like you probably wouldn't Post a majority of those photos now but back then it was like you make an album for the night and that was how we did social media i had to like hide all of them i'm like oh my god there's so many pictures just like you know out college partying and yeah it's like when you get to your older age you're like okay like i'm a professional now i can't be having these college voters be dug up and you know that's the thing too it's like so much with sharing there's

[00:31:20] Jacob: So often especially with like everything that we've gone through um we've seen so many like huge events take place you know uh with racial injustice stuff and then like capital rights and all this stuff and you look at like cameras are everywhere like videos are always being taken you know there's so much that like if you are doing things that show your true character and you have you know these bad things that You know live within you but they will be exposed and that's something to you know it's good and it's It's just like it's a wake up for a lot of people where you don't get to you know carry on and do these things Without any repercussions because someone's always watching right yeah That i mean that's the absolute truth it's kind of weird we almost I always i don't like i don't think that we should self-edit ourselves so much um there's a balance there i

[00:32:16] Jacob: Mean there's i think the camera or like noticing or realizing that a camera could be watching you or could be like filming you is enough to wake up a lot of people and be like oh **** like i never really thought about what i said i just said it i never really thought about my actions like of course those people said that it hurt their feelings when i said this but they're just sissies and now you got to be able to like i wonder how that feels to a lot of these people when you know they act crazy or they you know maybe not crazy they act out of anger or they don't have a lot of emotional control um they're yelling at people i wonder how it feels to them to watch that video back of themselves Veins splitting out red face they're screaming at another human being um i wonder i don't know it's Again we're at this influx this like mixing pot of technology just like

[00:33:08] Jacob: Clashing all these things and basically saying hey humans like here's all the things that you weren't noticing you were doing wake the hell up and we're in a Mixing pot of it right i think it's really good like as much as there's you know pressure and ways when we're using it for you know trying to it's good you can Share knowledge but i think it's also like i think this year has been super tough but i'm Thankful that this year took place because you know certain little things like you reflect and get to see okay like what are people really experiencing what are people going through like where have i maybe turned my back Or you know brushed it off like is not that important or not even realizing you know what someone's actually going through or experiencing so it's helped me to just have a better understanding i think with that you know i always find myself to be very empathetic for people and it's kind of pushing those barriers to go a little bit further and um you know i think the only way to make a better tomorrow is to you know talk about the things that are Issues you know there has been a really good

[00:34:18] Crystal: I guess push in like what i see people sharing like for instance um i love the jewelry that i make this is one of my clients um she's awesome and she has a really big social media platform and i've noticed since all the racial Injustice stuff and you know human rights equal rights all this she's really used her platform to um You know share these things that a lot of people don't take the time to think about and like it's just really enlightening like i find myself doing little side research or you know just reaching out to understand different communities that i've never taken the time to look at what they're going through or how they have been oppressed and um you know trying to do things like even as simple as like having a little conversation around it with someone who may have a different view it's like you wake that next person up so it does help To kind of unfold and maybe hopefully You know push towards a better tomorrow

[00:35:12] Crystal: Yeah i think so too i think it's uh you know as much as the platform could be used for negative things and there is negative aspects but there is a Lot of positivity there too again it's you we now get to point out to people you have you have popular like hey we listen to your opinion we like what you have to say you know especially when it comes to i imagine as young people they're probably looking up at influencers like just waiting like you tell me how to be i'm gonna be it and i'm gonna try that on i'm gonna i'm gonna see if that works for me and see if that's a part of me you know so if we can if you know influential

[00:35:47] Crystal: People and people with big followings can really you know say hey this is important and this is something if you haven't ever thought about it's worth a few minutes you know there's so much it's again like we're talking about the beginning there's so much information it's hard to know like where i got this tomato from and i don't want to feel guilty about the child slavery that when they picked it but there is like a small a good healthy amount of trickle of self-assessment of who you are and The things that you say i mean i like we grew up in the same town and i'm still here you know i notice a lot of the things just by

[00:36:19] Crystal: Living in a small town a lot of the things that i that i didn't stretch my mind on until i went somewhere else or i visited somewhere else or i said the wrong thing in the wrong situation i was like oh **** i never like really thought about why i said that i never really thought about like why i would why i would uh interpret things that way so it's important um it's uh it's also Very triggering to a lot of people though like it's like people complain about Other you know influencers or Whatever trying to change like dude just **** post hair man like what you know it's like what are you talking about like don't we have to treat the social media

[00:36:57] Crystal: Thing in the human interaction the human connection as it actually is not how we wish that it was you know and that there's so many industries i actually just that made me think of one of the trainers that i've worked with he's super open about you know political beliefs and things like that he's not saying like hey this is how it has to be but he's like you know if he's experiencing something he sheds light and people will always be like man just stick to kettlebells like you know shut up like stop and he's like you know what honestly like you don't have to be here i'm choosing to share this like i'm not making you say like you know get Lost so that's the thing you're always gonna have like fall back with you know haters right always you know Always having something to say it's always the most negative people who want to say the most yeah i mean that's what i think social media i almost think social media will be better if we just delete comments and likes how about that

[00:37:51] Crystal: Rid of it get rid of follow count comments and likes and then give it a couple of years i'm sure a lot of interest would be lost like people would be like there's no way to get popular i don't really want to do it but it would be interesting to see what kind of rises to the surface you know what just based off of you know views or just interest in it and not you know Maybe people like it but that's for the algorithm to know i don't get to see the likes i like the Idea of that would like i know it's like take some pressure off you know and i've never been the type like people like oh like i'm gonna delete this and repost it because it didn't get that many likes i'm like what does it matter you know like it's For me i like social media because that's my Portfolio like if you want to see my work you can go to my page and you can view my work you know so that to me i'm like that's it's not

[00:38:41] Crystal: Something that you have to print out have this catalog of here's what i'm capable of like you can see what i'm capable of so that's what's kind of pushed me to be more active with that is all right show people you know what you can do so that way if they're you know considering getting their hair done they have a something to you know consider your work as an option For them and be like if you ever move or go anywhere else like you have this piece of your work you know so yeah Exactly yeah it's a portable portfolio Uh mike posner recently i mean he's not the only one to do it but he came out with like this like uh like

[00:39:21] Jacob: Mixed ap or ep before a single or something um i might have sent it to you guys it was like it was pretty cool but anyway essentially what he did was it was kind of this artist's move that at the beginning i was like i don't know how i feel about that and then afterwards i'm like this is savage as **** he deleted everything from his social medias and unfollowed everybody and it was i was really contemplating It because i've commented on this before i never liked when people did that i was like why would you do that's a weird thing to do but i think it was because i would be i was like insecure about ever doing that on my own into my own profile but now that i don't Know i've changed my perspective on it now i think that's the most like g artist thing you could do is just delete everything delete it all yeah i actually with his album i liked at the beginning the first time i went to listen to it um he had that little like segment he's

[00:40:11] Jacob: Like all right if you don't have time to dedicate this where you can give your undivided attention like don't listen and so i was like you know what like i actually really appreciate that i love music i always have if that's been a huge part of our existence um but I was like okay like i will actually set aside the time and uh new year's eve actually we're going up to um the poconos which is like the mountain towns of the east coast here um and lana was here visiting so we were in the car i'm like do you guys care if i put this on like i've been wanting to listen to it so we listened to it on the way up to that and you know like Overall you know the album it was different than i expected but i just i really liked the The raw like exposure of it You know it was it's such art like it Was really just a story like i was I was involved the whole time i was

[00:41:06] Crystal: Like oh like what's going to happen next but then you're also you know and then it comes to a song so you're going to enjoy the song and there's a beat and whatnot and but he's really trying to communicate a story that in the end communicates like a very real raw human emotion and that dude that's such **** art like that's just savage that's what you know in this world of there's probably younger people likely probably listen to more singles than they do albums just based off of our attention span and stuff but there really is something and even me i listen to a lot of a lot of singles too you know but there is something beautiful about an album and especially you know a little you Know spoken word sort of artistic poet poetic album like

[00:41:48] Crystal: That it's really cool i'm just going to listen to a new album i will always like make sure that my shuffle is off and i'll start it the first song and then go through because i feel like a lot of times like you'll miss little things that are hidden with inside you know that's like either a story or You know a certain transition from one song to another where it's like a second of those like that flowed because of this like so I think it's important to like the first time i listen to an album to do it in order yes 100 I totally agree i mean you're not going to take a book and like shuffle the pages and see what story comes out you got to you got to listen to an album as if you'd read it just the same way you'd read a book i like that Hey um when did you how long has it been now since you had moved to Philly so like how many years is it now so

[00:42:35] Crystal: If you count the years that i was at temple i'm like just over a decade um so i was here 2009 and did two years at temple And then moved home for Because i was there for almost two years but i came back in 2013 so i've been here since march of 2013 so Come up on eight years consecutively living out here how do you

[00:43:02] Jacob: Think here's a big question how different do you think you would be now if you had never moved so much Different it's actually i've like you know just turned 30 and you get to this point where you're like reevaluating life and you're like okay what's next where do i go um you know what's in my future and i Just more recently i've had a lot of like really deep i feel like that's Copa's been good because it's brought a lot of things to the surface i don't think if we were just on this like rat race of constantly moving that i would ever you know take the time to dissect and like reflect and look at my feelings you know for a while there i was like you know what like i'm out here and i'm gonna eventually move out west and i think what that was like some pressure of okay i'm away from my family Um you know and i came out here to kind of get away from things at that time but then i

[00:43:56] Crystal: Realized like you know my support system's out here i have such a good group of people like in my toughest times i came out here for their support so you know with me um in the hair Industry like i have taken the time i changed salons and Have been able to reflect career-wise i'm like okay i do want a salon of my own at some point and you know why would i put pressure on myself to move home and open something up closer to family when i'd be starting over when i have so much support out here um like my friends you know i spent so many holidays out here with their family like i have such a strong group of people

[00:44:32] Jacob: And that was one thing that like when lana came out here and our good friend michael came with they were like you know it's so beautiful to like come and be a part of like your friend group like you guys really have such an amazing thing and michael may actually said something too because he had met um will's friends as well he's like you know he's like we're always with people and like meeting friends back home um and in seattle like he's Got his group he's like but i kept waiting to like meet the **** he's like all right yep this one's gonna be the **** this one's gonna be the **** and he's like i never met the **** if you guys don't have that he's like you really have such a beautiful like support system that you have out here and everyone's unique and everyone does their own thing and everyone's supportive of one another and so i just more recently like Accepted like okay me moving away from Home isn't me like running out on my life before

[00:45:29] Jacob: You know it's not like that's never me that never was me it's accepting like okay that was me and now i'm growing and changing and i'm moving in a different direction and it's okay to grow it's okay to change it's okay to you know be away from your family and not take the guilt of oh you ran away from them like no like they're still my family that's still my past that's still part of me but the best thing to do for Myself is to do a lot of candles actually we um Did acid on new year's eve up in the mountains it's all snowing and um i probably do it like once twice a year and i think that ass is such a beautiful thing because i always learn it's like you unlock like uh you break a coat or you get that extra little piece of the puzzle you're like oh like you've learned things about life and the One thing that kept coming to me that night was to honor yourself and i think that was

[00:46:24] Crystal: Like you know so often we're like worried about other people and like i don't know you get like stressed out like and especially when you're like on drugs it's like oh is she feeling okay do they feel okay are they and it's like the most important thing for you to do is actually take care of you because if you're taking care of you well then you take out because i'm like if i'm thinking this way about them they're thinking the same way about me so we'll never maybe meet that connection or that idea that understanding of like yeah i'm good if you're good are you good it's like if i just do my part that's all i really can do that's all that's in my control that really is benefiting everyone around me so that Was like a big takeaway from my acid new year's trip and that really has helped me to make the decision like okay i am okay being out here it is it's what's best for me and it's Like i said it's not taking away from anything that i was or You know any i guess

[00:47:21] Crystal: There's no regret to feel and also like Yeah it has changed me a lot but it's changed me for better right yeah that's so cool i like i like That perspective because you know what like if you're so concerned i'm like what is this person thinking about me or like what should i be doing differently when you really focus internally on like

[00:47:40] Jacob: Okay how like we're almost like Inadvertently taught to reject that in a weird way right like we It's almost like you like i don't know self-care even like analyzing like oh like how do i

[00:47:57] Crystal: Honor myself what is that like who ever asks themself that How do i honor myself like how like and how much better is your day if you wake up and you put both feet on the floor and you're like how could i honor myself today like how could i best honor like my internal being in the Best of like what i want and then and then also I mean i think like allowing yourself To i guess i'm just thinking about Change and like how those moments can be truly powerful Like a lot of you know lsd or mushrooms like a lot of times you could have those realizations that last like they'll you take them into your sober waking life and it changes kind of who you are and it's like a it's like a little gift

[00:48:41] Crystal: And i think it's beautiful that you said um uh like your perspective changing and growing about moving away from your hometown whereas you're like oh was i running from something or i felt that i was running from kind of my old life or trying to deny it or whatever but i think that is the beauty of life and especially our modern day lives is you notice that it's kind of in stages you know i look back at my old self and i'm like oh like i'm not like that at all anymore But instead of feeling shame for it i'm like oh i had to be that way so now i could be like this you know i had to learn those lessons so you kind of uh stop trying to like control so much And just kind of let okay what that's what i needed back then at that age but now that i'm this age now that i'm 29 now that i'm 30 whatever what do i need now what's right for me going forward um you know it's like we do get too

[00:49:36] Crystal: Caught up with trying to trying to fulfill something that's already left in a sense right yeah absolutely and that's that feeling of guilt i realized like okay so if i'm constantly in the state Of feeling like well you know i'm happy Here and i'm progressing here and i'm doing better here but you know i should move home because that's you know that's my family like you know i'm i should be close to them it's like well if i'm feeling guilt in the present moment about that then i'm not really moving forward in the place that i'm actually i'm staying here because i'm like i have this guilt because i'm staying here because i'm doing well so it's like just accept what it is and As soon as you let go of that then you're able to actually reduce the

[00:50:26] Crystal: Guilt because you'll be moving forward and doing things that are better in your life that you don't have to feel bad because you're like look like again it's if i'm taking care of me that's the you know most important thing for my parents to feel like okay like we don't have to worry about crystal she's happy she has a support system you know she's moving forward in her career like we don't have to worry about her so that kind of helps to take care of that guilt that was hanging over my head the whole time you know so you actually as soon as you do that you can really do the things that you need to do in order to make yourself

[00:51:00] Jacob: Feel good because that's ultimately what we want for you know when you think about like caring for someone else too it's like you want them to be happy But and i feel like in relationships too That honoring yourself is so important because so often like when you look at arguments when i reflect back to things i do and how i acted i'm like okay was that actually you know the way That did that happen because it happened and You know things were off or did that happen because you weren't taking care of you and so you let things kind of spiral and get to a point where it's like it's not your fault that i'm feeling like this it's actually it's my fault so that has actually alleviated a lot of issues to you know you know any sort of Compromises or things that happen um

[00:51:49] Crystal: Because you get to like reflect like okay like i actually wasn't taking care of myself like i wasn't working out and i was eating terrible and you know then i like felt bad about myself my confidence was down and so then these little things reflect like and it's simple little things too you know like i guess like little tips will happen and it's like are you mad at me and it's like well if i'm asking if you're mad at me then is it something that i did or is it You're mad at me you know so i think it's really important to like honor yourself and that has been something that has like stuck with me like wait stop reflect is this because of Them or is it because you're not doing something for you yeah that self-sovereignty is very important yeah i really like that perspective yeah because you know we get older and we see

[00:52:36] Crystal: Young people we'll see a little kid you know imagine a six-year-old girl throwing a fit and her mom's like ah she's super hungry she needs a nap she doesn't know because she's still young and her brain is still forming and so she leans on her mother her mom to like oh i'm grumpy and i need to eat Okay thanks mom like you're gonna make me sandwich or whatever but we get older and we kind of forget that we still kind of have these little these little boy little girl things going on like we'll be you know we're yelling at our significant other we're kind of like being a **** to them and then in the end you know and then you have a bowl of mac and cheese or something and you're just looking at him i love this guy yeah he's so great you know and you just Realized the whole time you're just kind of hungry kind of hangry you know and it's

[00:53:21] Jacob: It really is you know you don't got to get mean to yourself about it but really a lot of things a lot of our emotions a lot of our moods get carried away based off of you know like you said oh i haven't been working out i haven't been i haven't been eating correctly you know Dude if you drank alcohol last saturday and now it's wednesday you Still might be feeling some of the effects from that alcohol like i mean technically scientifically you're still you still are but it's kind of hard a subtle body to notice but um yeah we kind of have to We have to police ourselves in a maybe Not police ourselves but we just got to be aware that we're humans with emotions and in a mill should happen you know well and i actually had a really good conversation the other night too we were just kind of talking about like um I don't know how to put into words we were talking about like how so often like our natural tendencies are

[00:54:15] Jacob: To like do things so that we're comfortable right like always making sure that we're comfortable but you know when you really look at things like your growth and things that happen that are beneficial to you Happen often when you're uncomfortable like when you're struggling like in times of like things that don't feel Good a lot of good can come from so it's the importance of like accepting that struggle or accepting Being uncomfortable and knowing that okay like it's not gonna feel good but knowing that it's got a good Outcome or there's something good to come of it so it's important to not always try to make ourselves like yep i want to feel happy all the time i want to feel good i want to feel like secure

[00:55:01] Jacob: It's those moments where you aren't secure where you are struggling where you are that helps you to like okay how do i get comfortable from here what do i need to do to make myself get too comfortable and as soon as you get comfortable that's when you stop growing so you always want to have that little push to like okay i'm comfortable now how do i get uncomfortable again so i can work towards that next stage of all right now i'm comfortable here and you'll brush up against stuff that's just saying hey it's time to grow you got to grow from this you know it's uh my friend brandon and i um brandon cruz who uh he runs wild productions he we made uh that video together a couple weeks ago he's super dope um he's really good at what he does but so we went snowboarding a few weeks ago and uh our vibe together like when him and i are hanging out dude we're just we're seriously a couple of hippies like

[00:55:49] Crystal: Him and i just we riff so well together that our heads are just way up in the clouds anytime we're hanging um he just brings me up super high but uh we get up there and we kind of got a little bit of a late start no complaints there we were like yeah no big deal whatever big no it's fine we'll just eat breakfast and get on the road already started off to a good start we get there and the parking lot's full and so we had to park pretty far away so we're like ah well looks like we're gonna have to walk a little bit or we're gonna have to park somewhere unideally and uh catch a Shuttle we get our gear on and we're like talking to people and we realize that there's no shuttle and it's about like a mile and a half two miles um up to the to the lifts and it wasn't

[00:56:29] Crystal: Even like we didn't even skip a beat it was just we started we just started walking and uh we were talking about it you know we could have complained we could have like walked up there like this sucks dude like let's put our thumb out try to get a ride or whatever and we did get a little bit of rat at the very end but um but what i'm getting at is we started saying uh this thing that i kind of say to myself putting it into words out loud was this is not my preference and you know You it's crazy how powerful that is Because we could be catastrophic about like oh my gosh this thing is happening like this is the worst but the truth is if

[00:57:04] Crystal: If you can really just say this isn't my preference but i still am the one to deal with it i'm still i'm still the only person to have to go through this um you know you can't just you can't put that over everything like someone who's experienced great levels of pain you can't be like well you didn't get your preference bro but you know there is there's a lot of Just realizing you know when you're Being overly dramatic when you're being overly catastrophic or overly um you know moody or whatever it

[00:57:31] Crystal: Is you just got to realize oh i'm just not getting my preference and it's up to me how i respond to this thing it has nothing to do there's no innate it's uh life is life is not happening to you life is happening for you know it's your just it's your response to the things that are going on in the exterior world yeah that's one thing that we talk about often like living in a city like there's times where you deal with traffic and like you can sit in that trap and be like what the **** like why isn't it moving like and get angry but like ultimately it's not going to change the outcome so why spend that time just working Yourself up when it's like okay i've learned this like i should leave an extra 30 minutes earlier looking this time like you know let's maybe not plan to leave at this time and you know you re-evaluate things but there's no sense in getting super worked up over something that's you know taking

[00:58:22] Crystal: It's up to you of how you respond to that um emotions are tough with that is always challenging yourself to all right check my emotions i'm feeling this and like it could go to the extreme here how can i bring it back in yes Absolutely you've got to learn to self-regulate especially in this modern fast-paced technological world there's a lot going on there's a lot of information coming in a lot of information going out we've got a we've got to self-regulate we've got to honor ourselves we've got to be polite to ourselves you know and just oh i was caught up in that oh thing i was just kind of angry hey sorry buddy like sorry to do that i'm working on this whatever you know most of the time if this has to do with some sort of interaction or argument with another person or you're moody to another person majority of the time you just tell them you know half hour later hey sorry about that man just kind of got hungry a little cranky didn't mean to yell at you or whatever it is and most times they're like oh wow thanks so much no big deal that's cool i get angry too so like a revolver it's a snowball

[00:59:20] Crystal: Effect right like you can either have it snowball and have it be you know this huge terrible thing or you can have it snowball and like use that to help you build something yes absolutely um So i so i wanted to switch over to you know i always think of hair stylists are the ultimate counselors do you do you ever like feel Like that and not in like a oh man everybody just comes in here and gets everything but right now i feel like you're you it seems to me

[00:59:50] Jacob: Like you would likely probably have to be focusing a lot on your on your like emotional physical health right now so you can show up as strong because people are going through it right now man everybody's going through it and When they sit in your chair like you might be one of the first people that like has really listened to them in a while and i'm sure naturally you know the beauty of the you know client customer relationship that you guys can have you know i'm sure you guys probably do get like pretty open with each Other or you know the client gets open with you so what have you noticed you know

[01:00:20] Crystal: In the i guess over like over the course of all your years of doing this and doing hair and working with clients but especially with COVID like what's been coming up a lot and what have you found yourself you know giving advice for or saying a lot this year's been very interesting because at the beginning like march 15th was a day that we close and we go from like i said super fast pace everyone's going to do it um and then it was like you didn't go back to work until june 23rd so during those six months and A lot of people are working from home during that time you know so they're you know things have changed and their Day-to-day is much different but they're still preoccupying their brain so beginning of COVID for me was like okay like how do i find something to make myself feel you know like i'm being productive so Um working out was a huge thing for me i Would like meet up with my friends my great guys meet me on zoom and i would take them through a workout and that was like what kept my sanity and then Fast forward to june and people are you

[01:01:24] Crystal: Know they're anxious to get their hair done you have a whole mix of people some people are here and some people are down here some people haven't left their house or talked to anyone or gone anywhere and some people are like i can't **** wait for the **** to end so it's been interesting that each person is very different but what i've found with being back and Kind of the ups and downs because then summer kind of hit and like when i first went back people were kind of relaxed because weather's nice they're outside they're able to kind of like let go the COVID stuff a little bit at least where it's not like thinking or like your every thought and Then move forward into like the past few months and it almost feels like we've Regressed in that sense where people are kind of you know they get scared again we have a second wave of like people getting very sick and um you know People are now been working from home but the interesting thing is like a lot of people haven't had any like human like touch like actual connection so

[01:02:19] Jacob: That's been something that i feel very privileged in a sense to be able to

[01:02:23] Crystal: Constantly have that human connection and you know sometimes people are very weary and you can feel that you know like hesitancy and it's been you know talking to them about you know what's changed in their life like how is it adapting to working at home and you know some people are like this is actually really nice like i get so much more work done i get to have my morning breakfast and work out like i'm on my own schedule and some people are like i am so sick like if i have to sit in my house you know having breakfast lunch and dinner and then i get off work and i'm still in that same environment it's hard to separate the work and life balance so all over the

[01:02:59] Crystal: Place with that but um you know i was anxious to come on here and talk and i'm like why would i mean just to talk like this is what i do for a living i literally like that's what i do and it's so nice i feel like i learned so much from my clients and i in turn you know hope that they feel the same um but it's really it's rewarding You know you get to when people have a bad day you get to come and you're like all right we're not going to talk today you're just going to sit you're going to enjoy this i'm going to give you a nice head massage and then you know you're Going to feel elevated by the end they're talking they're happy they're smiling um so that's really nice um and two it's like i get to like hear about all these good books to read and good movies to watch and like that's and the whole topic of uh what are you watching i'm like why haven't you watched like so that's the

[01:03:49] Crystal: Definite thing but it's nice too and i always try to make a conscious effort to check and like how Are you doing like how is you know how's the pandemic affecting you like mentally and physically and so it's been really Really nice to be able to be going into Work and talking to people and you know being That outlet for them to let loose whatever they're feeling yeah i'm sure crystal you provide a lot of people with immense value by just you know of course Elevating them like making them look good which gives us more confidence you know obviously just human touch getting that oxytocin the chemical release when we touch each other like um that trust of you know because Standing in line six feet apart someone gets three feet and you're like what are you doing dude we're doing the six feet thing don't you know and so really breaking those barriers i'm sure you probably noticed you know just the tension in people's neck and shoulders and back of their head even just like from when they first sit down versus when they get up and that's super wonderful you

[01:04:56] Crystal: Know i think um comedians for example they Bring you know they're telling a story but it's not so much about like the actual words they're using it's kind of about the feeling like they want to make people laugh they want to make people feel joy and however they can do that it's you know it's like everybody has their own specific you know authentic ways of doing that um but yeah in hairstylist you Know you get to make people feel joy in confidence and i think it's really important um especially right now because like i

[01:05:26] Crystal: Said we're separated we're not touching each other we're not i uh yesterday i went to piano lessons yesterday and uh i had met her uh boyfriend or husband for the first time and without thinking about it just because i was like in there in their home she just does piano lessons out of her house i was like oh you know hey man nice to meet you i shook his hand and then right afterwards i was like crap like i feel bad because i hope i wasn't just too intense for him and so he's like oh crap i'm gonna you know because you there's this weird unspoken i want to respect your boundaries because i understand if you're totally terrified still because you know i've been there with the COVID stuff so it's still this Interesting thing so it's very cool that you can really break down a lot of those barriers by just doing what you do and showing up and doing it well and just being there for them Holding that space it is really nice um and it is like it's

[01:06:16] Crystal: Always it's tough because there's this like level of like all right i and my clients are coming in like can i hug you and like i'm like at this point where you know we're wearing masks we're you know protective over there i'm like yes like if you want to hug i will give you a hug um but with that too like there's There's so much more people like you can tell like they'll first come in and they may feel some way and then by the end they feel another for instance the other day i had a client and i like kovit Um not that like copper but i'm thankful For COVID slowing us down in the sense of like i

[01:06:51] Crystal: Really do like i take more time and just like thinking about like what people are going through and i like reach out to people so it's not so much about like oh did i make them feel pretty it's like you want to connect with people you want to check in and see how they're doing and uh this woman hadn't seen her for a while and she crossed my mind so i was like i'm just gonna shoot her attacks and she's like crystal you must have esp or something because she's like i was just thinking about usually i'm actually gonna call this afternoon to make an appointment so i've been having like a really tough couple of months and i'm just really thankful you reached Out so i felt super good about that she came in The other day and um i never with covered

[01:07:31] Crystal: Um restrictions i tried to have too many people in at once but it was just me and one other stylist so just finishing up with my client and her color was processing and so i'm finished having to come over and she's like hey she's like i'm sorry she's like i have to be out by this time and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry like i felt bad that like i felt i didn't like ask her when you Know when she had to be out and it's never usually a thing um and you know we talked and like had a

[01:07:58] Crystal: Good start to our thing but at the end like i was like all right well let me just trim you like i'll get you blow dried so you can leave out and like she left and i was just like i felt so unsatisfied because she had earlier reached out you know saying she's going through a lot and i felt like i couldn't give that last final like you know i was rushing through that end i didn't get to take my time and i wanted to make her feel good right so a couple days go by and Just last night i was like all right i'm gonna send her text because we talked about a book that i had read and i was like she's like some like historical fiction and i read this awesome book about world war ii and it's like a romance novel so just sent her a picture but i was like hey i just want you know i'm thinking about you like um i'm so bummed that i didn't Get to take the time to you know give you a

[01:08:43] Crystal: Good full service and she's like i was actually just gonna text you she's like i'm so sorry she's like i shouldn't have left like that she's like and you know she's like i'm just going through so much and like my emotions are all over so it was just nice to like have this full circle thing of you know checking in and wanting to make her feel good and then i feel like i let myself down because i was like i'm gonna make her i'm gonna change her day around and then i didn't do that and then i'm like **** so oh it's been all good though like so if people are feeling a lot right now um but it's nice to be able to take that step and kind of push the boundaries on things too yeah we really put we put a lot

[01:09:20] Crystal: Of pressure on ourselves right now don't we you know it's like i mean and such a it's such a beautiful thing though that you really approach your job you know in as many aspects as you can as you know i get to improve this person or prove this person's day i get to like talk to them i know they're going through some stuff we can chat about it and it's going to help them out or whatever and you want to show up as that as that person and it's also cool just like we were saying you know sometimes we get a little moody or sometimes we get a little caught up or sometimes we get you know there's a lot going on right now it's immense it's crazy and so the fact that you guys are able to after a couple days text each other or contact and say like hey it's all good you know it's all um You know like i was thinking about you know i think that's pretty powerful it's something to remember you know with all the news media and social media

[01:10:09] Crystal: There's very much this narrative that we all know of you know us versus them or the other guys or the bad guys or they or them or whatever and i think we've got to remember that We're all part of this we're all like we All have almost a responsibility just as like citizens to each other of remembering like hey we're all going through this right now we're all going through some level of this like you know like

[01:10:34] Jacob: You said some people are doing really well from this some people needed this time in interiorly and to

[01:10:40] Crystal: Take the time with themselves and self-assess and readjust and maybe wonder why they're doing their business or reassess their business whatever it is but a lot of people you know especially extroverted people i feel like who are used to being around all day or being around other people where we're all just going through it so as long as we can we can always cut through the **** of what everybody says we should be caring about and just you know you know put your hand on their forearm and say hey are you good because i got you if not like if you need to talk let's go talk you know and that's and with that when you're reaching out making sure that you're coming from a place that you can that you can I guess make sure that you take the time For yourself and that you can see like when you're feeling off that you don't extend you Know can't pour from an empty glass i always say like if you're struggling don't be afraid to

[01:11:30] Crystal: You know take the steps to take care of that because it's important because otherwise you try to fix the way you're feeling by all right let me let me do this for them let me do this for let me make her feel better if you're not doing that for yourself then you really can't give to others

[01:11:46] Jacob: Because you'll just deplete yourself and that's when you know get to the tough point of like okay like how do i move forward from here yes yeah i mean that's very true taking care of yourself is the best way to take care of other people you know you've got it you got to take care of this vessel before you can you can help other people take care of theirs that's for sure um Hey uh do you remember when we went Uh it was it's been i don't remember how many years it's been quite a few years now but i went over after one of one of my shows i think i was working in atlanta Oh yeah i was working atlantic city and came back over and then dude we just had such a good time i mean i totally agree with what uh mike and lana were saying about your friends like literally just such wonderful people like all will's friends just so welcoming i felt like i had like a

[01:12:35] Jacob: Like such a vibe with everybody everyone was so accepting all your friends it was so great everybody was so wonderful but uh we went to so one cool place we went to was uh like Uh a thrift store where we found a Sweatshirt kelso high which is wild And then also uh remember the warehouse like okay you know it's so crazy the warehouse that you walked in and there's like a secret room there's that swing and the bar and it's dark there's literally a dude who's like right this way and he's like moving plywood over it's like it was so crazy i have like i'm like Trying to figure out i have to like send attacks and go yo really where was that because that was the most like i felt around like a little magical we Went in another dimension yeah okay describe this uh we'll Mention the kelsey sweatshirt thing but describe this okay so we're out we're having drinks you know we went to a couple different places we had a really super fun night honestly it was a great night so bars open it are closed at two so i

[01:13:36] Jacob: Remember it was like getting close to two o'clock and um i have a lot of friends in nightlife and they're like oh we can go to this spot and so i feel like it was on um

[01:13:47] Crystal: Columbus boulevard which is down like south Philly there's a bunch of like larger big buildings um it's like a warehouse And there's a front entrance i think it might have been um it's like a strip club now in the front park but there's this back door entrance and so we went up that you like walk up the stairway and then it was like an empty hallway and there was like you know some windows At the end but the one door you open and then you're in like uh it was probably like 800 square feet um Dark there was a bar it was like i feel Like it was like very like black and red and yeah very dimly lit and then That little stage was like a big wooden swing yes and um yeah i mean very cool people Very chill but we went there for a couple hours and continued our night on i have to double check and See where that is though because that's like one of the mysteries of my dude that place was so inspiring to

[01:14:48] Crystal: Me i remember i feel like my last house in the basement like my um like little studio i had there i was very inspired by that night that we had like because i remember they had this section of the wall where people had written kind of like profound you know like hippie philosophical thoughts or like kind of shower thoughts yeah and then there and there's actual like beautiful art too and it was just this there's like always something to look at and you're like reading profound things as you're and it had this very it also had this very like vip experience to it in a weird like life yeah it was uh

[01:15:24] Jacob: Yeah and so uh that experience was

[01:15:28] Crystal: Just was just wild like how our night just trickled there it was this little hole in the wall for like a certain amount of people at a certain time in the night and man that was cool **** that was like the best way to i don't know if that was my first time in Philly but it was second time maybe yeah i think it was your second actually um because i was at my new apartment With melissa but that's the thing that i love about Philly is like i say i came out here and you know i had Softball so it was nice i had my group of people but i always say like if you're coming here like no matter what you're into or um What your beliefs are or what kind of Music you like but whoever you want to be there is something here for you and like food there's so much good food there's so it's just so diverse and there's so much opportunity for you

[01:16:19] Crystal: To truly be yourself that's why i will forever appreciate Philly for allowing me to become me here there was no like cookie cutter way you have to do it like this it's like come as you are yes i agree With the good food shout out stuffed buns for sure we went to a couple other good a couple really good places too but uh we talked about this actually like i Called you not long after my not really that recent anymore but after my last my breakup i called you and that was a lot of what our conversation was is kind of i was like i you know i kind of want to like get out of here i kind of want to like just go experience the world i want to want to check it out i want to see what's up and that was a lot of a lot of our conversation is kind of like um how freeing it can be to you know

[01:17:04] Crystal: Not just leave your hometown but to go to a place that is so accepting of like you just being the fullest extent of your being and that's i totally get that vibe from Philly i felt very comfortable there everybody was very welcoming i didn't feel um there's no like tension i had i just felt like i could just try to you know be myself whatever that means yeah i Think the challenging thing in any situation and you know as you We're supposed to change we're supposed to grow and i think the hardest thing is you know we do that at different rates so it's tough when you're around people who are

[01:17:43] Crystal: Always there and they're like wait you're you don't think like that or you don't you don't do that like i know you it's hard to break yeah it's hard to break down yourself when you're constantly being challenged by the people around you so that's the one thing the people that i have here i'm so thankful for them like a lot of my connections started because of the girls i played softball with and like i said i just saw the one um did her hair yesterday and she went from you know being She was in communications just doing whatever and now she's going to school for nursing i had a friend rachel um she went to school and now has a food

[01:18:18] Crystal: Truck like we all have like gone to school done our thing and then we're like oh pivot we're gonna do this i became a hair stylist like so we're always and we're always there to support each other like and that's i think the important thing is being around people who when you do change it's not like why are you changing it's like all right what can we do to help like you know we're behind you like you know there's always going to be times again like getting uncomfortable time to struggle times of you know doubt and in those times it's about being like open to accepting that like okay this is

[01:18:51] Jacob: Part of it this should be happening like that it's okay that you feel that way it's okay that you're questioning this like i understand why you're thinking that way however you know you can do this or that and so it's important to be able to accept Someone else changing you know and understanding what you know Going through that can be like and just to just support so yeah what people wh what came up for me Is the uh i forget who exactly has said it this way but um courage is action in the face of fear not the absence of fear and i think that sometimes certain people like just off of their reactions to like what you tell them or what you're doing with your life like um how incredibly encouraging it can be To still take action in the face of fear when just one person is like all

[01:19:38] Jacob: Right bro it's like yeah maybe you should give that a shot yeah oh yeah you were yeah i think you'd be good at that cool you know and that could be like that could seriously spark an entirely different life path for someone by just having someone that's encouraging or not um you know i find I find you know let's say family for example family can sometimes be the first people to say you know Like oh are you sure you want to do that hon you know are you sure you want to be because they care about you they don't want you to they don't want to see you fail they don't want to see you know run out of money they don't want to see whatever um because you know they love You how you are and they're like will you stay the same and that'll be fine and you're great how you are why would you want to change but if there's something internally where you're wanting to grow to change to explore new sides of yourself to step into a new stage of your life um that one person who's just saying

[01:20:32] Jacob: Hey like i would accept you if you did that yeah i think it'd be cool if you tried to do that can be very encouraging

[01:20:40] Crystal: Absolutely and i think too it's like you know with the comfort thing it's like okay i feel like i can level myself up if i do this however it's going to set me back financially or it's going to take a few years for me to get there it's like some people are scared to get out of their Comfort zone and take that risk of you know seeing what they're capable of and so i think it's important to keep people around you that keep you grounded you know they're not like all right quit your job and go you're going to write a book you know but also if you eventually want to write a book it's you know okay what can we do to help you push a boundaries and allow yourself to be able to you know take those chances right

[01:21:19] Jacob: Yeah instead of you know where whereas Some relationships you'll be around that are just like you're going to write a book what do you have to write about you know or the Just kind of like back to where you were saying you know people accidentally like they think they know everything about you know it's just like when you go to your family Thanksgiving sometimes your uncle sees you as the 16 year old version of yourself and not like the grown ass 30 year old adult you know So oh yeah being around like-minded people and you know i think more and more people are doing that i think uh you know as maybe it's just something that happens with age two as you kind of grow out of your own like young **** Even or your own your young um non-believing in yourself You start a car you kind of start to notice that you enjoy being around people who are encouraging for your future self not just the person who they wish you would stay yeah absolutely i think that's one Thing like i say too with like family you know

[01:22:23] Jacob: It's tough because your family is your family and Like that's you know we grow up and of course like we're influenced by them and i think the important thing is like you know i have a lot of friends who have you know found out that You know things that they've been doing or the direction that they're going isn't for them or you know their sexual orientation is different than what they've exposed and so i think it's hard um to Press the boundaries and to sometimes your family who you are the closest with are the hardest ones to be able to open up to Who you really are so it's important to Be able to look at things and you know find a balance and like just because you may do something that

[01:23:10] Crystal: They may not see in that moment as what's right if you know it's right for you it's important to be able to take those steps and to you know keep pushing one foot in front of the other and maybe right away they won't see that it's right but if you're doing what's right for you then you will never be let down you know so and i think a lot of people have gone to that point where you know it's either scary or they're unsure and you know maybe there are some wavering things um that are tough like for me personally like moving out here it was like okay and then when are you coming home when are you coming home what are you coming home and then to finally be like okay you

[01:23:44] Jacob: Know like i'm really happy here i have a good support system like and then with that they're like we're so proud of you like we don't worry about you it's nice that you have these people i'm never like concerned about if you're okay we know you're okay so You know those things that were really tough and that i was super you know scared to like finally be Like i don't i don't know when i'm coming home that was like when They were like you know you're all right you know so just pushing past those boundaries and then if people don't support you then you know it's their loss and at Some point they'll either see that oh you know they made the mistake um or they'll see things your way and That's you know that can come but It's just important to live authentically to yourself because that's at the end of the day at our last i guess decision making and Things like that if you do things that feel good for you

[01:24:44] Crystal: Right yeah you've got to trust that inner guidance that inner intuition that you know your soul your essence your whatever you want to call it whatever feels right to you i mean we all have some sort of connection to Regardless of how you get there whatever wordings like some an internal being Of like ah this doesn't feel right you know this is where your gut feeling is it's where you're like you're your ultimate decision making when it's not based off of just trying to impress other people or do what other people want for you there is we all have this thing where this just feels right for me so i need to do it and yeah i think it's very we should definitely encourage people to lean into that and then also encourage um try to notice when we're Maybe accidentally being a little like holding on a little too tight maybe as family members or something or even friends and just allowing people to follow their intuition i think is Very important um hey i was thinking so you've you

[01:25:40] Crystal: I think you're probably pretty young when you started softball you've been into sports for a long time so what was your transition Like after sports like what was that about because you and you can give like a little bit of about for people who don't know like any of your um accolades when it comes to sports and then kind of what was your transition out of that yeah so um it's interesting i traveled All my weekends in high school i was playing travel softball and knew i wanted to get a scholarship and no idea what i wanted to go to school for but i knew i wanted to play softball um So i end up getting a couple different Offers a lot of east coast schools i got recruited late in my senior year and when i was really i was Two or three my dad worked for boeing so we were actually we lived in Philadelphia for like a year two years maybe um

[01:26:32] Crystal: That's why i viewed some schools in like south carolina north carolina uh new york and Philly and just really messed with the people when i came on my official visit and also i was like all right like i lived here when i was younger like it felt like it was a part of me somehow so um Came here freshman year i had a great year um sports wise academically wise i really struggled i thought i wanted to do physical therapy and then i found out with traveling and playing sports very difficult um just high demand Of a lot of like studying a lot of labs and stuff so that my sophomore year um it's really Interesting my coach was like all right look i want you To get tested and um he's like i think you

[01:27:18] Crystal: Have a d like i want you to get on medication so that was a whole whirlwind of thing that year i look back at the amount of adderall that they put me on and i'm like it's literally insane i was on like 80 milligrams a day i would take we'd wake up at 5 00 a. m for weights and then you would go to classes And then um we had to take a bus out to ambler which was like a 35 minute ride So after class is 2 30 you catch the bus you go practice you get home around like eight o'clock at night and then you study and then you go to bed you wake up and do it again traveling on weekends for games and stuff like that um but when i started the medication They would have me take 220 milligrams in the morning and then two in the afternoon and i was just like a **** machine yeah and You know school i would switch to communications because they're like it's the easiest thing to um do if you're unsure about what you

[01:28:15] Crystal: Want to do with that i was school-wise and so I'm best like i was in the best shape of my life but also just selling healthy um you know naturally we had the partying and stuff like that but um just like i was running on Amphetamines and i'd go to the gym in The morning and work out uh for like our actual weeks and then by The time i was getting done i saw so much energy i would go and run you know three miles on the treadmill before i went in and then studying and you're waking up and doing it all over and then i got injured Um my freshman year i had re-tore my Knee that was a quick fix but that was at the end of the season sophomore year pretty early on i um Had hurt my shoulder when i went in for my mri they were like yeah like you tore your um partially toward your rotator cuff but you're young like you should be able to rehab and um be able to play so spent all this

[01:29:13] Crystal: Time like rehabbing and i remember i was getting ready for uh to get clearance to play Felt good and i threw one last ball at the end and um i like just a shooting pain and i Like played it up i'm like i'm fine i'm good i'm good like yep ready to go and i get to the bus i remember calling my dad just sobbing i'm like i'm not okay like i'm so hurt like and he's like you know like tell Them that you're not feeling right and it's been like at this point probably three months of me rehabbing and i'm like in my head they're telling me that i should be fine so i'm like am i hypochondriac like is there something wrong with me and um so i finally totally went into The office i'm like i can't fake this like i really i'm in a lot of pain so i went in and i did a contrast like a Die contrast mri and we're so sorry you actually have A fully torn label and a partially torn rotator cuff and we

[01:30:12] Crystal: Have to do surgery and so when i was going in for a consultation about that they're like you have like a 70 recovery rate and i'm going from being you know a full ride starting player to we don't know it Depends on your recovery what will come after this you know and At that time too i had um my mom was home and i had an older Brother who's um had years of issues with addiction And uh i just felt like my mom really needed me then so i was there like i said i went there to play softball and school was kind of like all right like i'm doing this because that's the route that you're supposed to take without any like i guess real idea of Knowing what i wanted for myself so when I had that opportunity to reflect and look at things i was like all right i'm gonna go be i'm gonna go help my mom like i'm gonna go be there for her be close for my family so moved home right away um dealt with my injury and That was a big part of it too is going

[01:31:16] Crystal: From like taking all that adderall and then coming home to a normal day where i'm not waking up at five a. m and i'm not doing stuff and i'm like yeah i'm still taking this i felt like a crazy person So it was a long time of adjusting to just normal life um and i had moved in at home first and Then like my mom and i didn't it didn't work with us um being home so i moved out moved up to bellingham that's why i was in bellingham for about six months and then i was getting to the point where i'm like okay like what's next for me i thought i was gonna go to school right away again still hadn't figured out what i wanted to do and um with the shoulder being Such a like i couldn't reach my back seat for the longest time and so i didn't think hair never even crossed my mind so it wasn't until i'd been home um and again my sister and

[01:32:06] Jacob: I were gonna move in with my mom for a little bit and she's like ah like this situation came up and we ended up getting a lease for um in kelso for a year And after that was like okay well look let's figure out like what comes next for you know long is kind of in the same situation where she had gotten her associates and she was going to go to a four year and we were both like what do we want to Do and i still had a bunch of connections from the girls that i played with they're like come out here move back like we want you back out here and so i was just looking for myself at that point so i loaded up the car load up the dogs lana came with me and it was like a good let's see that Was 2013. so like good three years kind of just stumbling around i worked i got a good job with um some friends

[01:32:52] Crystal: Working as a staff and coordinator just because of connections and it wasn't until i was doing that for a year i had to take out my piercings and hide my tattoos and remember i shaved the side of my head they're like um can you part your hair the other way and i finally one day i was like **** it like i don't want to be someone i'm not every day so i looked into um hair school i thought i Wanted to go for makeup at first and then um got there and totally fell In love with the hair thing and looking back i'm like for all the dances for all like i used to be getting ready in college and my friend speak can you do my makeup and do my hair and i felt like guys like i'm not getting anyone ready because i'm always getting you ready and then you're like come on crystal we gotta leave so it's always been a passion but it was really nice it took a good three years to find like right something

[01:33:39] Crystal: That i was good at a passion something that made me feel as good as you know playing softball did so definitely a whirlwind of trial and Error and it just kind of stumbled into it And then once i found out that was Something that i could do and feel good and got excited about then it was just hit the ground running so yeah i think stumble through is the perfect word for it because you know you think you're going to have this certain trajectory or you don't even think about it and you're just doing you're just like waking up as the machine every day just working because you're accomplishing this goal that you set out to do like way back when you were younger when you started in sports or whatever um and then you and then you get like You said you couldn't even reach back into your back seat let alone Think about like styling someone's hair and here you are now so it's crazy how life works like that isn't it you know we don't really know how

[01:34:42] Crystal: How we're gonna get there you just kind of have to i guess trust or have a little faith that it's going to be okay or that you know if you just kind of keep going you keep chugging along you keep like trying to listen to the to the friends to the voices to the intuitions whatever um and you'll kind of find yourself in a seat at some point absolutely do you It's a lot of like not beating yourself Up like you know there's times where like i said like you have a full right scholarship you're supposed to go to school that's what you're supposed to do so i spent a lot of time like did i **** up like did i ruin everything because i didn't push through because i let my injury just kind of control because i let you know my worry of my home life you know control things and it's that exact thing that i'm like i would not be where i am today Had i not made those decisions had i not chosen to do things the way that i did so it's you know finding taking your mistakes

[01:35:38] Jacob: Or taking your decisions and reflecting and finding out you know well what was that for what was the purpose of that and then you know using those two there are Certain things that really are eating you alive and decisions that you don't like that you can't live with like okay well how do i make sure that doesn't happen again so i think that's the important part but Ultimately again the struggle and the uncomfortability Is all worth something it all gets You somewhere so it's not to put down feeling doubt Or uncertainty and things like that but To find okay well how do i make myself feel more certain to feel less doubtful

[01:36:18] Crystal: Yeah you know and i think just by you sharing your story of like you know kind of like i ended up in a place that feels pretty right i think that's you know that in itself is helpful to people because you know a lot of people are going through it right now and a lot of people are you know maybe they're in that few year period of like man what do i want to freaking do like what's going on what should i do with my life or what would fulfill me and i think just Knowing that you don't always get the answers super quick you don't always even get the answer so i guess like you just kind of keep stumbling through and eventually you can get in a place where you sit back and realize okay i mean this is of course i'm here because of course everything has led me to this spot and this is right where i'm supposed to be so hey i didn't i did have a question on Um adderall so because

[01:37:10] Crystal: This is always a touchy subject because i'm i always you know try to give my recommendations or my advice of what i've experienced but i'm also like i'm not a **** doctor like be careful you know whatever but um i've talked about me before i was there was a while where i was on 20 milligrams i would take two tens a day and then i lowered it back down and that was that was just too much um and i lowered it down to i was down to i think i went to 15 for a while then to 10 and it was mainly 10 and then i decided i wanted to get off of it i wanted to like try to you know work on things like meditation and in other ways of controlling my attention span my focus um my uh even kind of Sometimes like combating a weird your tension span doesn't keep up and so you get suddenly immensely tired like brick wall and adderall helped with that which is you know the amphetamines in it but so i trickled down and then i've

[01:38:05] Crystal: Been off for years now but i'm always kind of Like trying to flirt with how can i recommend you know if anybody else wants to get off of it without saying like hey quit your medication or whatever so do you have any things like when you were lessening your dosage and stuff did you have anything that seemed to help ah it's so tough i mean when i first was Doing it was just the dis or the like okay like i'm Not crazy this is making me feel this way um So i remember just cutting everything in Half like i simply i was like okay i'll take one in the morning and take one in the afternoon and i found that i'm like i still feel the effects of it cutting it in half you know um and i feel like for a while like you Just it's really hard when you're coming off because you feel like tired you feel unmotivated you feel Like unproductive compared to when you

[01:39:02] Jacob: Are on it um i think it's like the same thing with trying to quit any drug like just know that it's so rewarding to cut yourself off and that you're capable of living life without it and like now like There are times where i'm like oh i want to clean the house like i'm going to get an adderall for my friend i'm going to take a half and i'm going to you know do everything i think about like when i was on it like that half an Hour was just for me to or that adderall then was just for me to get through my day so it's interesting to see how much that it Really does affect you and how much it really doesn't affect you it's like with anything you build up an immunity to it and like you know it's like with any drugs that

[01:39:44] Crystal: One dose will the first time you take it you're like whoa i feel like i can fly and then that one dose becomes okay i need a little bit more actually and they need a little bit more so it's going to be this constant like revolving door of need a little bit more need a little bit more so i just really think it is like it's tough and it's hard for like the first couple months honestly adjusting to not having it because it's hard to like get out of bed and get moving and then

[01:40:11] Jacob: You second guess like oh i would have taken it i would have done so much more but like honestly would you have probably not like there's so much when i compared to like what i actually got done with it versus what i could accomplish without it's kind of the same yeah like maybe you didn't feel As up and intense yeah maybe i wasn't like up but yeah we're always trying to get to The most optimal comfort or you know this is that same place in us that wants that high in a sense too um but i Think you know we have our society It seems like so many people you know

[01:40:49] Crystal: Because the internet is so available to us because you know like anybody who's going through some sort of symptoms can follow you know a few weeks of youtube rabbit holes and then they're like whoa okay i didn't realize it before but I have ADHD or whoa i didn't realize it but i'm ocd or whatever and there's There's some extent which is very good because people are like oh wow jesus that now i can find ways of helping me i can find communities that are of people like me and listen to how they have um you know help their similar issues but i think a lot Of us we really latch our identity on to Like i am someone with ADHD if i didn't have this you wouldn't want to be around me if i didn't have this i would get nothing done if i didn't have this i would never get out of bed and you know maybe this is really generally genuinely the case for some people and if that is so i provide you with With uh sympathy for sure but yeah i Think that being able to talk about um you know

[01:41:47] Crystal: Being able to get off of these things like you don't you don't necessarily have to live on high doses of things that

[01:41:55] Jacob: If you've learned like oh it's just not really working for the stage of my life anymore like you had changed stages in your life and it just wasn't really working to try to take the nos before work every day you Know yeah well i mean i think too it's like It's the same way though i mean like coffee but i'm like i have coffee every single day you know If i don't have it to me it's not like oh i didn't get anything done i will be like oh i have a headache because i didn't have coffee and like i make up these things in my head but really it's like i probably am just dehydrated like so there's always something and don't get me wrong i'm the first person to have a caffeine headache and then i look like no i'm dehydrated but in that moment you're like no i have a Headache because i didn't have caffeine so we're always constantly you know making things that we're always Looking for validation or for answers if you will As to why we do or why we feel or why

[01:42:53] Jacob: But then when you reflect i think that's the important part is to then reflect on what you say in that Moment is that actually the reality of what was what i was experiencing and what was going on well and i think practice is something that's you know for all these things like have you have You practice the attention because attention is a skill you know and for me like after i had like weaned off adderall and even while i was still on it i was starting to try to Sharpen my focus try to sharpen my attention you know i would i'm trying to watch this you know video this audio engineering video or whatever and i have the urge to like oh i want to

[01:43:33] Crystal: Go grab my phone or like oh i want to like let's scroll through social media but that's a moment where you've got to be like oh this is where i'm training my attention so i'm going to say no to that feeling and i'm going to say nope jake you're going to focus your attention on this video right now oh you're floating away again cool i'm going to find a way to keep focusing i'm now going to get a piece of paper and write notes about this thing so i can focus and train my attention so you know a lot of these a lot of our you know um psychological Just they're not they're not bad things They're not burdens they're not it's just how we are you know just some people are certain ways and cool this you know you're handed in life when you come into life you're handled with like here's what you're dealing with and you find a way to deal with it and that's your burden to shoulder that's your um You know thing to carry and i think that a lot of times we learn About them or like oh

[01:44:23] Crystal: I have ADHD and then we're like well now i'm not going to do anything i'm just going to go to the doctor and he's going to tell me what to do and realistically there's a whole other side of this of you know get your medication you know if it helps you that's great but also be wondering okay how can i Insert ways to focus ways to how can i try to Improve my memory you know and there's literally apps for improving your memory now and all this stuff so there is ways to kind of you know launch yourself yeah Totally grow you're cooler on the other side of it because you've grown now too yeah exactly yeah well um My friend we are getting up here in time um i know uh the el nine is on her way to the east Coast so uh i will let you go here shortly

[01:45:10] Jacob: Um i just want to say i really appreciate you coming on crystal um i really appreciate you doing this i know that you communicated you were you were nervous about it which i totally get that so thank you for having courage in the face of that of that nervousness made me comfortable so yeah good i'm Glad you were comfortable i think you got it you got some good advice for people and um it was nice to have you on here and let's end with i've been trying to mix up my last questions i always like those um What here's what okay what has um This last year and meaning let's say since coven and the changes that it that it through all the worlds What has it taught you about yourself Um i feel like one of the biggest things And it's like me now transitioning to like i'm comfortable with work and i'm happy i'm doing it

[01:46:05] Crystal: No one's going to do anything for you like if you want something if you want to get it no one's going to do it for you so and it's hard because sometimes you feel like well i don't know how the resources are like i don't have the knowledge of that or like i'll never be able to read enough to know the business side of things or whatever it is like You have everything within you to get what you want so don't limit yourself because of what you think that you aren't capable of um I think it's allowed me to like i said like If you want something go get it And i'm currently in that phase of realizing like okay don't think that you're not able to do something because it never seemed feasible before You're the only one standing in your way

[01:46:47] Jacob: Massive i love that was like such a perfect answer Okay crystal thank you so much Listeners take care of yourselves um Check out crystal's instagram if you Want to see her hair and remember that when you're looking at those pictures there's so much more than just the picture um and message her if you're in Philly And you need your weave done hit her up um

[01:46:57] Crystal: Love you fake thank you so much yes Love you sis thank you have a good rest of your day

[01:47:10] Jacob: Give my best to will and lana

[01:47:10] Crystal: I will i'll talk to you

[01:47:10] Outro: Knowledge is power