# The JYLP - 086 with Mika Woodruff - The Individuals Innate Desire For Belonging And Understanding - Episode: 0086 - Date: 2022-04-29 - Duration: 1:53:05 - Guest: [Mika Woodruff](/guests/mika-woodruff/) - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDKxoHORI7k - RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/24a48ccd - Spotify (show): https://open.spotify.com/show/45J7CBdM8j29doqyBp2bFs - Apple (show): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-junkyard-love-podcast/id1489118788 ## About Welcome back to the podcast - Mika Woodruff! I respect her perspective and value her conversations greatly. Her input, skill, and experience around the psychology and mental health space offer up fantastic insight and value to many of the areas of talk we find ourselves in. For more info on Mika check out our previous episode, number 036! In this podcast - we discussed various things like: having different personalities, interacting with others, having interesting conversations, spiritual growth, self-development, expansive conversations on the state of the world, we shared stories of transformation, I share a Jesus related experience I had with a Christian co-worker of mine, we speak of masculine and feminine expression, suppression of emotions, crying, the essence of ideas, playing the video game of life, aliens, conspiracy theories, hypothetical thought, the truth at the center of our experience, the changing world of the internet and a universe of aliens, religion and church, tales from our spiritual journies, understanding great stories, our interactions with other human beings, stating our intentions, picking romantic partners, attraction, my confusion with dating apps, and mucho more. If you dug it, consider leaving a like or hitting follow so you can see when new episodes are posted. Thanks for listening! (recorded 8/26/21) ## Chapters (none published in episode notes) ## Quotes (none published in episode notes) ## Guest links (from published notes) (none published in episode notes) ## Tags / keywords Mika Woodruff, Junkyard Love Podcast episode 0086, JYLP 0086, belonging, understanding, psychology, mental health ## Archive picks Extracted from the YouTube auto-caption transcript and published About already on this episode. Labeled separately from Jacob’s published About / Chapters / Quotes / Hashtags. ## Memorable quotes - [00:13:36] Mika: “like this is not a Therapeutic space like brights are the opposite of Therapeutic every Therapeutic space i've ever been to is like it's natural light or it's” - [01:03:13] Mika: “fact that you know Masculine is supposed to include Patient supportive uh compassionate like Masculine traits are not always strong Brave sturdy stern Um they are meant to” - [00:27:18] Mika: “Life is a video game right it's just the easiest explanation i mean As soon as we had all these crazy off-the-wall events happen in the last two” - [00:18:17] Mika: “Personality types within us that we want to interact with we want others to interact with just depending on the setting i think we're kind of sometimes we're” - [00:15:31] Mika: “I've definitely been missing walks with you it's not easy to find a walking partner i guess i think what people underestimated is like you really are alone” - [00:10:14] Mika: “to decide what like Mental health material is going to be” - [01:06:26] Mika: “person who doesn't Feel comfortable crying in therapy which is totally okay like i advocate for people to do that when they're in therapy with me so it” - [01:27:58] Mika: “common it wasn't a romantic attraction i at least gave a chance on meeting a new friend um and she said there's a tv show i Leo also” ## Chapter-style timestamps - [00:00:01](#t-00-00-01) — Solo open — auntie America / delayed episodes - [00:07:23](#t-00-07-23) — Bumper — knowledge is power / Mika intro - [00:08:23](#t-00-08-23) — Conversation start — Zoom glitches & Pod Match - [00:10:14](#t-00-10-14) — New school-year job / high school mental health space - [00:18:17](#t-00-18-17) — Different personalities & relating - [00:24:50](#t-00-24-50) — Spiritual growth / self-development - [00:27:18](#t-00-27-18) — Video game of life / essence of ideas - [00:29:39](#t-00-29-39) — Jesus story / popularity & aliens - [00:37:43](#t-00-37-43) — Christian co-worker / religion & openness - [00:48:52](#t-00-48-52) — Church, spiritual journeys & changing faith - [01:03:13](#t-01-03-13) — Masculine & feminine expression - [01:06:26](#t-01-06-26) — Crying, suppression & emotional honesty ## Keywords Mika Woodruff, Junkyard Love Podcast episode 0086, JYLP 0086, belonging, understanding, psychology, mental health, personalities, spiritual growth, self-development, masculine and feminine, crying, suppression of emotions, video game of life, aliens, conspiracy theories, religion, church, dating apps, attraction, romantic partners, intentions, Jacob Rhines ## Hashtags #MikaWoodruff #JYLP0086 #JunkyardLove #Belonging #Understanding #Psychology #MentalHealth #SpiritualGrowth #MasculineFeminine #DatingApps #EmotionalHonesty #JYLP ## Short guest bio (from episode speech + published links) Mika Woodruff returns for a second Junkyard Love conversation (after episode 036). On this episode she talks about preparing a high-school mental-health space for a new academic-year job, therapeutic lighting and posters that actually land with teens, masculine and feminine expression, crying and emotional suppression, and the messiness of attraction, intentions, and dating apps — alongside long-form talk with Jacob on personalities, spiritual growth, religion, and the “video game of life.” ## Transcript [00:00:01] Jacob: What's up everybody it's me the host of the Junkyard Love Podcast captain america's great auntie america man i haven't done one of these in a while welcome it's great to uh great to be coming through the airwaves to y'alls Um i just wanted to do like a little couple little announcements a little what's been going on in my life um and a little intro to this episode so if you want to just get right into the episode um tell me to screw off and just skip a few bars ahead yo you will know the difference when you hear the intro so just for a couple minutes though um these episodes that i'm posting are a few months back that they were recorded Um i have not been recording as many episodes lately i record a lot of like solo cast stuff just me kind of processing talking to the camera or whatever but i certainly don't post off that some of it is a bit mad um so Other than that i haven't been doing too many guests lately so these episodes that are coming out are from um a few [00:01:06] Jacob: Months back so just a heads up on that if there's any anything in the context that seems like well that was a while ago to have that perspective it's because it was a little bit ago um but they don't it doesn't really change it actually i was thinking that would be kind of like sloppy and that would suck and that would make the episodes uninteresting but when i listen back i'm reminded that podcasts a lot of these conversations are so timeless you know it's not like a news network where um you know watching yesterday's news is Like uninteresting watching last week's watching last month it's like this is a waste of my time podcast conversations are way different like there's i'm 22 minutes in with this episode that you're about to listen to with Mika and um there's already so many little gems so many little wonderful golden nuggets of information and like conversational bits that uh you know it's that same stuff that makes me fall in love with podcasting and uh what got me into like listening to long-form conversations is those little nuggets of gold that someone like accidentally says or they repeat or you know whatever the conversation the conversation leads to kind of an epiphany-ish point and for [00:02:13] Jacob: The listener it's something that can like really set a little light bulb off really give you that aha moment and those aha moments are Cream of the crop i love him i love him aha moments so yeah we've already got those going don't even worry about the gap um to the future of the podcast um i'm going to i'm going to keep going i was actually thinking of pausing the podcast like making an announcement or trying to Like i keep i keep forgetting it's not really a business for me you know it's like i don't have to do certain things i'm really just this is kind of like my life blog you know it's growing as i'm growing it's going as i'm going when i first started this podcast it was you know i had basically my own at-home studio like this dope recording studio setup that um i could have people [00:03:02] Jacob: In person and i could like make a day of it they could come over we could hang out we could do a workout we could go to the tap house down the road we could go to the bar we could make some music we could you know smoke drink like basically have like a day with these people and then have a conversation um or have a conversation then a day and i just this is this so this isn't the same thing for me you know now i'm like talking to people who are experts and um Very smart people and you know it's different because i gotta kind of learn how to connect with people through zoom you know and um it's been cool because i didn't have a lot of faith in it at the beginning but some of these episodes are like man this is actually such good **** i'm able to connect with these people just the same in a sense so [00:03:44] Jacob: I'm just adjusting to it being different you know and um tomorrow actually marks a year since i've been living here in austin texas um and this whole last year i haven't i haven't been like too full steam ahead with the podcast you know because i'm just trying to get my grounding in life again you know uh being in a relationship for 10 years you know being living in the same place my whole life you know having these same routines having these same friends Everything changed for me you know like i moved away from the hometown kobe changed a lot of a lot of things for me Everything changed you know for a lot of people not just me so that's what this kind of whole last year has been is just kind of finding my footing figuring out what i want i'm certainly not there i'm still kind of exploring i'm still like learning about myself i'm still learning about this place i'm living in now um so yeah i'm gonna the way i'm gonna do the podcast is just authentically you know i'm just i'm not gonna try to plan it i've never really done the whole [00:04:43] Jacob: Post wednesday at this time because that's the most time for the algorithm like hashtag this like i any clicky thumbnail that i've that i've made i've like done it almost as a parody you know i don't play the games of trying to win the podcast thing or trying to be a podcaster you know what i Mean like i just i just want to do this thing i just want to share this corner of this thing that i do and just like give it to people here it is you know if something comes of it i'm not one to you know run away from opportunity but i try not to turn this into something that it's not you know so this is kind of just my life blog you know i'm just trying to be real and try to share my perspective as my perspective grows and changes and life grows and changes with it and you know i'm grateful for any listener and if anything i have to offer is of value Um or even uh you know [00:05:35] Jacob: Worthwhile to spend your time listening to that's pretty that's pretty amazing to me that's pretty cool i'm grateful for that so anyway this episode we're about to get into it's with Mika it's super great i'm still writing up the description so make sure you uh you know glance through that and see what you can find out of it Mika is quite wonderful i always love our conversations um it's a good one man it's a good one the podcasts are going to keep coming the episodes are going to keep coming if you are sitting in the uh in my email inbox or you're sitting in My um uh podcast Pod Match inbox i'm sorry i'll [00:06:14] Jacob: Get to you i've got things going on things i'm sorting out things are not sorting out i will get to you so thanks for your patience there i have so many cool guests i have this opportunity to like basically people send their bios to me now and they say here's what i do here's what i know here's what i talk about here's who i am like would you like to have me as a guest on your podcast and they're all so good they're all like i'm like oh yeah i'd be honored um and then i deal with this imposter syndrome where i'm like well this person talking to me so you know it's cool i'm gonna do it um i'm gonna get more of these people on here so hang tight if you are in that bunch um otherwise i'm pretty active these days a little bit more on tick-tock lately although i might go through like a rage quit and quit off tick tock we'll see a little bit on tick tock but mostly on instagram is usually where you can find me um usually where you can get a hold of me the quickest too i'm kind of like terrible responding in other areas all things i'm plowing through and working through right we've all got our baggage eh so on instagram check me out on instagram jacobfromtheinternet um if you need any audio i'm still an audio guy too i do djing audio creative stuff [00:07:23] Jacob: If you like any of the poetry or rap or any of the you know kind of garbage stuff that i make that's just fun for me to make um Check out my instagram jacobfromtheinternet and reach out to me on there so thanks for listening hope everybody has a good day if you're listening to this right now uh Breathe through your nose man breathe out let go of the tension that's in your shoulders let go the tension that's in your face become aware of your five senses think about the feeling in your hands feel the clothes against your skin let go of the pressure in your chest in your back breathe out let's go Enjoy the episode with Mika Knowledge is power Is [00:08:23] Mika: Hi how are you i'm good how are you i'm not bad at all i'm doing pretty good i tried on my laptop and it wasn't working so i'm on my phone so oh dang i it looks actually pretty clear it looks fine yeah cool yeah it's always an issue dealing with the technical difficulties of zoom i had a podcast yesterday morning that was like in the end i'm not even sure if i'm able to use it because the audio was just like so wavering in and out she was coming to me from like across the world i forget where but somewhere else and so it was just like such a delay that i might not be able to use the audio That is a bummer but it's exciting that you're getting to a podcast with people from like a wider Area yeah it feels weird like the uh the guy that i interviewed earlier today like i was giddy the whole time it was he was literally just basically somebody that i'd read his books or i'd watch his stuff on youtube and just be like super obsessed with it so for me to actually be able to sit down and like pick his brain was super cool it's uh yeah [00:09:28] Jacob: It's a cause i told you about that um the Pod Match it's basically this company that i'm working with that like hooks me up with potential podcast guests did i tell you about that no i didn't know about that oh yeah so it's um they reached out like they probably have you know based off of people who have a good amount of episodes or listeners or whatever it is they reach out send me an email said check out the thing and it's basically a um it's like Tinder for podcast guests And podcast hosts so they use like ai Algorithms that match up like potential interests and like i just filled out like an extensive bio and it pairs me With people they send me a message say hey here's what i do here's what i study here's what i'm all about you want to have me on the podcast and i could say yes or no so it's pretty freaking cool [00:10:14] Mika: Wow that certainly makes your job a little bit easier it's outsourcing for you so you can find guests that are aligned with some of the topics you're either missing or you like to continually discuss yeah for real yeah it's been pretty cool so far i like it um okay well hey how are you my friend what's been up what have you been up to um i've actually been like super bored lately but Excited to start my new job when the academic school year starts so more or less i'm just kind of like in a mental space thinking about that kind of imagining how i would like my space to look um brainstorming about what i want to put on the walls trying to decide what like Mental health material is going to be [00:11:01] Mika: Engaging and not tacky to high school students i'm realizing how difficult that's going to be and i'm like trying to preemptively get a thick skin about you know the amount of times i might hear like that's stupid or i don't understand that you know and have to think okay like how do i how do i re-address this given the age group and the what they want aesthetically what they feel is funny i don't know right yeah like you don't want your high school students to roast you well i just remember all the tacky posters in school like when we were in school like i will never get the mental image out of like two specific ones out of my head is the cat hanging from a tree branch that says hanging And um like the it's like two i think it probably female hands but holding hands and one was a white person one was a [00:11:57] Mika: Black person and they were like the hand of friendship has no color or something like that and i just i'm like they could really do better with these posters like they're trying to say a lot in a few words and it's just not hidden everyone's just looking at it and like being like yeah sure okay you know it's not we're deeper than that so it's gonna be interesting but yeah i love that you think about stuff like that though too because i totally would as well and i was also the type of student to very i'd be very cognizant of [00:12:28] Mika: All that **** that's on the wall i'd be like reading it instead of listening to the teacher so it is cool like to think that you can even think about like the like the first junk hair love studio that i had in the basement in castle rock like i wanted it to be this vibe that you walk into like you walk in and you're like you're high in openness like it's very visual you know there's a lot of like creativity just right when you walk in sort of thing because you know you want to spark that in other people too and it's just how i like to exist so yeah being able to create your own teacher cave that's going to spark something within you know the students and have them inspired when they walk in some sort of way that's awesome oh absolutely i mean marie fondo and everyone else in the design world would agree with me like setting up a space to look like what it's intended to feel like is so important and i feel like one of the biggest things i'm coming up against already is like a technical issue the lights in my what's going to be my room specifically have not turned off since april like we literally cannot turn them off [00:13:36] Mika: The control pad doesn't do anything they Are just there's like nine of them and they're the bright led long bulbs and they just have they've just been on for you know however many months that is now and we feel about that And i'm like this is not a Therapeutic space like brights are the opposite of Therapeutic every Therapeutic space i've ever been to is like it's natural light or it's lamp light or it's dim lighting It's a space to come in relax breathe kind of feel like you're in a movie theater when you take that breath before the movie starts and you're like oh yes i'm about to dive into a whole different world so the whole nine bright leds that Won't turn off thing i'm currently trying to figure out a solution for that i have more control over because i'm like this will not do like my eyes cannot do this either yeah it almost is like it's like a factory setting versus a like a welcoming setting i think accent lighting is like so huge for [00:14:38] Mika: I'm gonna use the word vibes i'm sorry but it really is big for vibes you try not to use that word but it's the only thing that suffices for a lot of things i know i'm I'm such a hippie i find a way to use the word vibes wherever i can So see it works because we get what we're saying right um so we had a list of uh potential topics to Talk about i like that you jotted those down um because when i when i read over [00:15:13] Jacob: It i was like oh yeah that's dope uh so we for any listeners this is the second episode that i've had with Mika our first episode if i recall correctly um It was i'm pretty sure yeah you came over and i was having a bad depression day um and i pretty much just [00:15:31] Mika: Like told you that and then we kind of started from there and talked about it and it was a beautiful conversation so if you want more of her bio or to hear any other conversations with us listener check that episode out i don't remember the episode number you can scroll um but yeah mikey we've been uh going on walks before i had moved we were going on walks of the lake and we enjoyed the conversation we'd always just kind of like pick each other's brains what's going on in our life right now and just i don't know we always had good ass conversations so i'm happy you're here I'm happy to be here it was episode 36 I remember because i have a memory for numbers also it was super fun for me so It's one of the things i like to think about um I've definitely been missing walks with you it's not easy to find a walking partner i guess i think what people underestimated is like you really are alone with that person for however long the walk is and if you don't like talking to them you're like i don't want to do it again like by myself if i'm looking for you know [00:16:35] Mika: Silence but yeah i miss that i do have kind of a walking partner right now she's someone i used to work with at toodle school um has really refreshing Ideas and we have great conversations but it was nice to have a male perspective On a lot of stuff i do i'm grounded by a lot of female friends and so it's not easy to replace an open-minded male mindset in calyx county Yeah i mean i get it's funny i end up resonating a lot with females more i mean it's probably just because i grew up my you know major years of life zero through seven or zero through eight or whatever i was surrounded by three older sisters and a mom and a bunch of other females so it's just like very natural for me to be in touch with my more feminine side and so i feel like i resonate with females well enough um and then it's it is it's interesting it's interesting and cool uh to look at kind of the different sides of ourselves that we get when we show up with different people like if i'm with a bunch of dudes like you know drinking bud lights i'm gonna be like a different [00:17:43] Mika: Kind of virgin corner of myself than i am when you and i are talking about like you know introspective masculine versus feminine things while we're walking the lake absolutely yep we all have different I feel like you know when talking about people who are uh multi-personalitied in some way whether that's by diagnosis or just something People pick up on about them i feel like we're not really being fair i think everyone is kind of a chameleon and it doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing we just have different Modes different [00:18:17] Mika: Personality types within us that we want to interact with we want others to interact with just depending on the setting i think we're kind of sometimes we're harsh about people who have a lot of like big personalities or different like attributes because we're like well which one are you really and like all of them yeah exactly anyone with bodies any personality type is all the personality types they embody yeah well we want to like pinpoint who we are like we're this person like it's our report card here's our attributes and here's who we are and here's uh what we do and what we don't do and it's like we're so much more fluid than that in every situation we're different um after we eat certain foods we're different after we drink certain beverages we're different in the morning we're different than at the night like we're a fluid experience not this definitive i think that we want to i think that when we're othering people it makes us feel good to know what they are like it's like if it maybe it's a survival thing you know a survival thing of the ego because you know we need to know oh that's a lie that brown thing over there is a lion and lions could eat me so i know that's bad um or oh that's a deer and i could eat [00:19:28] Mika: That deer that's good you know so we label things and then we want to kind of put them into the boxes or put them into what it means to us and it makes us feel like we have it done okay that's good or bad now i can move on with my life so we as much as we want to label each other and like say that we are this single-pointed thing it's just not the truth we're fluid we're all chameleons some of us more chameleons than not some of us are vastly unaware of how chameleon we are but uh yeah i like i feel like as i Get older and as i see the different sides of myself as i compare like my personhood of who i am when i'm in like a customer service setting versus who i am when i'm like a weirdo artist saying poetry in the woods i'm like what the **** like i'm just i'm two very different people but i'm actually just both of them i'm all of them you know right i think it's i mean everyone likes [00:20:21] Mika: I don't know if everyone maybe that's a bold statement but i think most people enjoy kind of like dressing up in like physical form and i feel like trying on different personalities even if we don't know if it's one of ours yet it's just our way of like seeing like how we'd like to grow and where like [00:20:39] Mika: Trying out new words or language um depending on what's trending or just funny **** that we think in our head and seeing how we feel like when we actually say it to other people and what the reaction is and we're like do i like that does that sound like me like we all kind of have our own idea of like what's on or off brand for us i think in the general sense um but the other thing i was thinking about as you were talking is that i feel like the universe has a way of every time you think you kind of know who you are and who you like to interact with it will send someone else into your life that totally corroborates that line of thinking you're like oh so you don't like this type of person well have you met so and so who embodies all these things that you think you don't get along with but you guys share one common hobby that makes you interact in a way that is exciting and new and then all of a sudden you're like wait okay so i guess i like people um that are representative of this political party or this religious denomination or have this job i think along with the labeling is that we want to sometimes check people out because that would just be easier instead of admitting that we are more alike than we are different and if there's even just like when you watch movies and people get stranded and these people typically they set up to where the two people that are stranded don't like each other and then they eventually like each other or they form a romantic protection and if you didn't watch the whole movie and if you just saw the first 10 minutes in the last 10 minutes you'd be like no way that's not real that doesn't happen but [00:22:12] Mika: It happens more in regular Life than we want to admit that we really judge someone from the moment we see them and we're like oh yeah we probably won't be friends and then give yourself you know a couple weeks couple months couple years and all of a sudden there's someone that you really come to respect whether or not you believe what they believe Because that means no one's off the table really you can be friends with anyone you can find common ground with anyone and i think that's way more exciting than the idea of well if we don't share the same views on this aspect of life then It will never be like i know i've told people as like a general line before i don't know if everyone gets it but i'm like i don't want a romeo and juliet like never in my life do i want a romeo brilliant situation where two families two groups of friends Two sets of co-workers whatever it may be just literally can't get along And it's like why not like why don't you want to get along what is so much more interesting about the drama or the gossip that's happening [00:23:23] Mika: That you like and you find more inviting than the idea of we disagree on things That's fine we're allowed to have our own opinion and then we let it rest i don't know i just think that story is so chaotic and dumb like i just i really don't get it no it's like great english literature or something but i'm just like i just chaotic like so many things could have been different and i think they would have been just fine if they would have just let go of the weight of other people's perspectives on everything yeah 100 i mean they didn't even get to hang out that long like they ended up like yeah roman and julia loved each other but they ended up dying within like was a couple months or something like wasn't it not very long like i mean Like what like why not choose something different you don't really have to die for the person you could learn how to live with them how about that it is it is interesting uh i really [00:24:20] Mika: Like you know it does make us feel better when we when we have someone else's identity like when we know we think we know what they are but it's also i think i think about how ramdas says we're all just walking each other home we're all just walking and one another home Because it's so true yeah i mean someone sometimes the strangest people show up but if we just are accepting of the moment we're like that was actually helpful i needed that [00:24:50] Mika: Yeah like how is this person here to make i mean think about like the word triggering you know so something gets triggered within you could you could choose to be like oh i don't like that person that made me feel this way they made me feel bad i don't like them you know or is it ah they're pointing out something in me that i could grow on they're pointing out something in me that seems to be solid and i'm actually a fluid being who could learn about that huh should i lean into this more you know it's uh i think when you look at it as you know this is part of the life curriculum is spiritual growth you know when someone comes into your life and you can look at it as like you know maybe they're taking you off maybe they're triggering you maybe they're uh you know bringing out sides in you that you don't want to admit like if you're like oh i'm not an angry person but you find yourself getting angry because of this person maybe it's kind of like ah i was bullshitting [00:25:42] Mika: Myself okay well that's humbling now let's learn what the world is trying to teach me through this person oh for real absolutely i think we too like The things that we really feel like guilt and shame around also kind of come with anger a lot of the time those are the things that we're like i'm not i'm not defensive or angry about this because if i am that means i have to admit that i actually embody this like the only way we get defensive is we also see a problem where they problem otherwise it would not bother us if someone off said something off the wall about us that we don't believe about ourselves in some capacity like okay that's frustrating feel that way and you're directing that hostility towards me but and the general you know term events like it doesn't affect me because i see myself well enough show it's not true but if it's even there's even a little smidgen of feeling like that actually embodies truth you're gonna hear that and go wow [00:26:44] Mika: You're like i don't need to listen to you anymore because you hurt my feelings i'm gonna go but we should be you're right we should be thinking about those things and deeper like we don't do it in front of them or say anything to them but we take it inside ourselves be like okay why did i feel that way like my body intuitively resonated with an angry emotion to that Something's not aligned some part of me is like this is actually there's truth in that and can i fix it is it something i haven't healed yet [00:27:18] Mika: Yeah i mean sorry you go no you're fine feel free to interrupt me if i interrupt you um no it really is this uh i don't know it's like growth mindset versus fixed mindset it's like i am this person and you are that person or it's you're pointing out something that this interaction between this other being and me as a being is part of my growth like it really is i mean we've talked about it on the podcast sometimes before um i've just talked about it just growth mindset versus fixed mindset and it really is like it could flip your whole perspective on life when you see life as some sort of video game where you're just trying to collect coins and you're just trying to like whatever happens to you is just part of the level right now it's just where you got like you don't take it personally you don't you don't pout about it you don't be like i'm not playing this game anymore it's like the thing that life has handed you is what you're here to deal with you know and sometimes it's super unfair and sometimes it's painful and sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's um you know triggering again but i think i think leaning into it you know it's like as many times as i've been stuck and i've been stag and i've been uh the arbiter of my own pain you know like as i get older i just learn oh yeah okay i guess it did have to be that way for it to be this way and look at all that i've learned um here's mistakes i'm not gonna make again because i did learn from those things instead of like striking away from them so yeah it's uh life is life is truly a journey [00:27:18] Mika: Life is a video game right it's just the easiest explanation i mean As soon as we had all these crazy off-the-wall events happen in the last two or three years and all these things that some people believe were real and like something i just i have so many thoughts of reality in my brain right now but something i like to think about is that i don't particularly subscribe to any sort of like denomination or anything but i'm so down with hypotheticals for any circumstance and any religion any story i think every story that ever existed whether it's fiction or non-fiction is a parable it's it's Intended to define some sort of moral aspect ethical aspect of the human condition and if you [00:29:39] Mika: Do or don't respond to it um the implications that can be positive and negative in both respects and so when you think about things like that i think it takes the heat and the triggering off a lot of the religious documents if you're not religious if you just look at it like it's a parable or a storyline without trying to think oh people actually believe this you know and if you don't it actually becomes kind of interesting um and something that i think people don't ruminate on a law about jesus is That he was not popular like he had a following but it would be similar to that of like Someone who believed in aliens prior to this year you know they have a following Or like sasquatchers they have a following they have a group of friends but they're not exactly popular you know you don't have the greater percent of like 30 or more of the world or the Country backing them and being like no this is fact and i would i would put my life on the line for this and so I just after the last couple of years we've had i think a lot of those groups that have been you know kind of like [00:30:50] Mika: Made fun of maybe not to their face They're turning corners now we're like okay so we don't know what's under the ocean so government's releasing documents the aliens have existed and we've covered it up okay i just feel like if everyone's brains aren't kind of like having many explosions on a weekly basis i'm just not sure how because i feel like all that's happened in the last years it's time to like show us Anything is possible maybe it's not possible right now maybe it was possible a hundred thousand years ago maybe it's possible in the future but i don't really think anything's off the table anymore something i've thought for a long time is that if an idea can exist in my head As i try to come up with like my multi-million dollar idea to like patent and just like become insta-rich like the guy who made pool noodle you know it's like it's just simple **** you just gotta figure it out and be the first one there and do it well and patent it um but if i think of an idea in my head it's because it already exists not like i can't do it differently or someone else can't do it differently i just think that the ideas [00:32:01] Mika: That we have the stories the creatures that we have in our heads the demons all of it's like if it can exist in our mind it already exists in some capacity it already exists i don't think we can think of things that aren't already relevant i don't know i just i kind of got in this only trip about like new ideas don't exist like they don't come from Color you don't think of a new island that no one noticed on a map before um It's just now about realizing that We are in kind of a video game setting that if you want to redesign some aspect of the video game or you want to find some hidden gem or an easter egg like you absolutely can but i don't think Anything new is to be like coming out of the woodwork it's just about recognizing the little things that are behind the 5d 4d 3d mindset and every Time you upgrade you understand and see more stuff i don't know if that made sense but No i followed go on Just ah just the brain explosions over The last years and i wish there were more places to talk about it openly i wish the conversation Was more centered around what everything [00:33:28] Mika: Everything that is possible positive now um and less centered around the fear-mongering of the virus and It's terrible what's happened no doubt sickness is real illness is real Um but i don't i don't understand why people want to focus so much on the fear aspect of it instead of taking things a new direction Well i mean we love to know we love to have stable ground for sure we love to we love our illusions you know especially in the western world we like we like thinking that somebody is steering the ship we like thinking that like somebody there's somebody who knows everything and yeah this is a hundred percent true and they this exactly what we read in the books is exactly how it goes but uh you know you know Sorry news flash that's not how things go um eric weinstein talks about um [00:34:23] Mika: He presents he talks very elegantly on um basically kind of like conspiracy theorists um and kind of i think he calls them cranks and kooks or something like that like he uh he has some there's some sort of abbreviation that he has that somebody can look up i don't remember um but he does he points out kind of you know especially in today's age and especially with the internet um we can't just continue to completely disregard stuff that's on the fringe we can't just say like oh that guy's a crank or that guy that guy's a kook like he's a crazy person like we can't disregard people like that anymore because if we look at history how many crazy people how many crazy people like at the beginning everyone's like what are you dude you're nuts and it ends up answering our reality later and also at the same time not just people if we take it over to ideas like you were talking about Mika think about like how closely knit our past sci-fi Movies and the sci-fi books in the pop culture are now our actual reality Like ideas and reaches like where it's hey this [00:35:33] Mika: Thing might be possible here's this crazy idea i don't have all the in between i can't show my work yet because it hasn't presented itself yet you know i can't show the in-between but here's the answer here's this idea it can't be disregarded because i feel like history has shown continuously that The crazy ideas the conspiracy theorists the whatever and right now we're literally at a point we have no idea what to do with this alien thing like this should break everything if we really actually sat down and said all right we are as a culture accepting it like new york times cnn fox and like any of the corporate press the people who control what we all think about in the mass propaganda but just everybody has pretty much accepted now there's these things i don't know if we're fully saying yes it's aliens or are we just at a point of saying here's the thing that happened and we don't have the technology for it so Like but what so how do we like accept this how do we bring it into our actual Conversations i don't i don't know if i have like a great answer for that i feel like [00:36:43] Mika: I feel like i may be one of the few people who loves hypotheticals because that way of thinking that line of thinking allows me to accept a lot of stuff i don't understand and some of it may be stuff that i don't necessarily want to dive in and do the research on i'm comfortable letting other people do that or hearing like hearsay on it and other stuff will be like no i'm going to get to the bottom of this but either way i think just approaching anything that's happening with like a curious mind Is a lot easier than hearing things and immediately disregarding it like regardless of who's Recording it if it's on social media news science no articles um Just looking at it going what if that were the case like what would that mean in other respects or how could i find out how you know realistic that is or [00:37:43] Mika: I don't know i don't know if there's a good answer for that but it's a good question yeah i mean i think oh it'd be just remaining in the open mind or the you know beginner's mind of uh well i don't for sure know you know i that's kind of how i think all the time i don't like all the crazy **** that i talk about it's all like at the end of it i'm i have a question mark at the end of everything i say i feel like you know yeah i don't know that's fascinating though like isn't this interesting to you that's all i'm saying you know We really love arguing about the truth and like when you're talking about religion i love that because i think that's where a lot of our conversation inevitably goes we shut down as soon as we hear like oh you're a christian or yo europe whatever like instead of oh okay so the stories that [00:38:32] Mika: You read and you understand um what happened in this way that makes you feel the feeling of joy in community and love And that's how you access faith that's how you access hope that's how you know there's all these different emotions and experiences that we can all experience we all have different stories across the whole world of course we all grew up you know in were created into what we are From vastly different environments and different places all across the big world so we're all pointing to the same thing we're just we just have different stories of the finger you know the hand that's pointing you know maybe it's a different color but we're pointing at the same thing right you know exactly how i mean how would we all come to the same conclusion the intent was that we were all designed with different minds different personality traits different ways of thinking um A different tolerances for different things it's like how i mean realistically i mean we can't we can't get the world to agree on like what the most like health beneficial [00:39:38] Jacob: Fruit or vegetable is and that should come down to science realistically we could test for those things and people still wouldn't agree on it and so how could we agree on something as big as how we got here why what do we do here what's most important to do while we're here is anything important to do while we're here and so There's no way there's no way we would ever get to the same answer but i definitely think that we are like you said we're all on the same track we're all in the same kind of idea mindset of there's something i mean how can we prove it i don't know because that's science can't all science does i feel like all science does is disproves things science doesn't prove Things i guess i shouldn't even take back my last statement science disproves things and then that whatever seems like the most likely outcome is the new idea of what happens And tell someone just that Yeah because it's it because i mean i think that's i don't i feel like it's less a mechanism of science itself and more of a mechanism of what science feels For us as a society you know like it's our way of making sense [00:40:53] Jacob: I do think that having it be the only way [00:40:58] Mika: That we make sense like we kind of disregard anything else that's not like if you don't have scientific studies if you don't have uh peer-reviewed science backing it's we're not accepting it as truth we're not even going to like mess with it i guess there does have to be some you know logical way of existing and making decisions on a large scale so we do have to have science is super important right but i think there is more there's more to this whole thing that's going on than in science um [00:41:25] Jacob: Yeah i [00:41:29] Mika: Yeah it's interesting because i um like the last guy that i talked to uh we it was really cool to talk to him because he is a scientist um and he does or he i don't know he has like a phd and uh like i'm totally spacing it uh i'll have to give his bio when i type it out but um he was able to still question like he wasn't like very only black and white thinker he was very um philosophical as well you know but he's also a science and he studies important stuff so i don't know man we are at this edge um I think that social media and um the Internet like you know youtube especially think about how much youtube has progressed my like levels of consciousness and what i understand and how i perceive the world i think that also changes what we're at the edge of you know like i would say on the podcast the iphone came out in 2007. [00:42:24] Mika: That's not that freaking long ago so over this course of the last you know whatever many years less than 20 years we have like so much new knowledge like so many different evolutions of ourselves that are being so many skins shed you know it's like every month we believe something profoundly and the next month we're like i got a little more information i sat on that a little bit longer i don't know that i believe that fully right now and it's this fun thing but it is like it's jarring you know our society is going through like there's so much new **** there's so much potential there's so much mixture of our sci-fi with our reality that like we are now accepting aliens and we're like oh that's a cool like let's scroll the next tick tock yeah no you really did i've just that number knowing that it's 14 years is that right i can't until seven No 1349. But how many social media outlets have come and gone and some that have kind of like come back and forth um [00:43:29] Mika: That i don't know like we haven't even been attached to any one of them for more than a couple years and even then there's always competing ones like coming out every couple of months um I don't know that fact just got me that was weird like i know i've had facebook since 2009 that's probably the longest standing one i've had um and they own instagram they own all of it oh it's yeah **** kellogg's owns all of these too and then shell owns kellogg's i think it's all just so intertwined at this point oh my gosh they know what they're doing um one of the things i thought about through the course of what you were saying is that the reason why i made the statement that the universe sends people in who's going to kind of contradict like what you thought you didn't like or people you thought you didn't like um the friend that i go walking with now i thought i had an idea of who she was And i had no idea she was christian um [00:44:30] Mika: I've known her for a year and a half two years she's never brought this up and so i just assumed she wasn't given some other aspects of her personality and just how uh how she just operates and speaks and i'm like oh she's not religious like i feel like i can definitely observe that about her and then on her most recent walk she comes out to me about her faith and her come to jesus moment and i'm like i was kind of like a deer in headlights i was like what the heck and i'm trying to think about all the things i've talked about with her that i felt comfortable saying because i didn't expect to run into like a religious wall at all with her and then i had to just refocus and be like but think about it like she never has become defensive about anything you've ever said or done in the past and that really speaks to her having her own ideas and not needing to interject and how cool that actually is and now she's opening it more about her faith and feels comfortable to do so and i need to respond in a respectful way as well and what we kind of came to realize is that both of us have some really radical views not exactly the same but still radical on how we came to be and like what the storyline is and how like she agreed with me on like every book being like a parable she's like i completely agree and we talked about how could the bible be an exact realistic factual version of what happened when everything is coming from someone's perspective like what we know about perspective today is the same as it was way back then if one person is getting to dictate and write the story how is it accurate because they are part of the human condition they were human when they wrote it they can't they can't speak the absolute [00:46:16] Mika: God-given truth they're a human dictating a human experience and so we talked about how she said she wants to see like what's in the bag again and all the stuff that's coming out because she's like i want to know more about these people who were determined evil or bad in religious text Like they obviously have their own story as to why they did what they did and if it even happened the way it happened um and so i don't know i felt like that like i wish i could have that conversation to share with you and full because refreshing for me to be like the universe is showing me that i need to be having more of these conversations with people who are considering themselves about christians about catholics like they're they are capable of having mature conversations now the people i'm running into when i didn't feel that was a possibility for me back in school [00:47:14] Mika: And so i was look i enjoyed it but i was shook because i'm like wait a minute yeah what i'm used to but it's great because it's going to give me more of a interest in talking to my own family who's religious about what exactly they believe and why they believe it right yeah i mean it's again we're walking each other home and sometimes we're going to trigger each other but it's not such a bad thing you know it's a you know i think that and maybe this is a perception that when we were growing up that we just never really challenged but i was kind of thinking about how when i was younger There was this natural inclination I wasn't like against religion i wasn't like um like get away from me christians or you know whatever but there was a background task of like [00:48:06] Mika: Like you do feel closed off instantly like the second someone says they're christian you don't feel like they're going to be able to like listen to what your ideas are you do feel very other than them um but as i get older and actually have conversations with people about their about their beliefs it's more of uh i find it to be more like that like you said where you guys are open to talk about whatever and then she shares her experience with you like here's what here's how i got to this here was my actual lived experience and you weren't like sure that's not true like you were [00:48:36] Jacob: You were probably listening you know you were listening and saying you know oh wow okay so that was your experience well here's my experience to reach those same sort of things you know so i guess what i'm trying to say is maybe um maybe people are growing more open to [00:48:52] Mika: Discuss these sorts of things because we're realizing that it doesn't have to be an argument it doesn't we don't have to wall off from each other it doesn't mean that like the person who we're talking to if we're not sharing their belief that they're thinking the whole time like you're going to burn in hell you're going to burn in hell like because you're you don't believe what i do um i think that i don't know i feel a little i feel a little scarred by um by If anybody who's listening who's christian i hope you understand that i this is all love i'm just talking about specific um uh things in My life but i don't i don't dislike christians or anything like that um i was kind of scared when i was younger i was with um one of the girls that dated in high school and she i went with her family and her grandparents to um to church i think i went a couple times and one of the times like i was so **** uncomfortable man because the pastor was started going um [00:49:48] Mika: I mean basically i was convinced that i was gonna burn in hell because i didn't believe what he would he believe i mean that's like what a lot of it was they were talking about what happens to the people who don't believe what we believe in this room you know him assuming that everybody in that room has the same belief um and so it kind of like shirked me away from it but that doesn't mean that's how all religions are that's how that all religious people are like that all spiritual people are like that again we all have our way of getting to some sort of conclusion we all have our way of experiencing these inner experiences like getting in touch with our soul and our own mortality and our own existence like these sorts of things are compartmentalized into religious text and religious talk a lot of the times and instead of trying to decipher who's right and who's wrong and who's got the truth it's just like what do you feel through the conversation like what do you learn through a conversation just be open and discuss because i think you'll learn that you're kind of talking about kind of talking about the same thing you know we're all we're all pointing to kind of the same thing we all just kind of have different ways of getting there i don't think we really need to argue over what's 100 capital t truth or not unless we're the ones writing books and that's our job to do so and we're getting paid to do it so absolutely i just had a thought on it [00:51:07] Mika: Oh my gosh am i seriously just gonna like lose my mind right now um oh i was just thinking that you know i Think that the way churches are changing a lot of the time is for the better i mean i do i have had similar experiences um going to church and the one sermon i go to was like the whole parliamental Concept and i'm like oh my god i'm terrified like even if i was already like i was christian growing up and so i already like asked to absolve my sins and had already been dedicated as a baby and still i mean sitting in those sermons was terrifying i'm like okay i have to do it again like you know it's scary but i think the way they're changing and shaping now is awesome like pastors and people who are leading the service breaking the mold by coming out as openly gay openly transgender openly These things that society hasn't even fully accept yet that we're trying to [00:52:05] Mika: And i feel like the whole point of everything is like maybe if we just keep having people pop up and break the mold like maybe they have to do things or hide who they are for a little bit until they get to a certain place but when they come out as who they really are they get to really show people like okay so you liked me when you thought that i was straight i'm still the same person except for now i'm coming out as openly who i am inside um and what my preference is for romantic partners and you need to get over it because i'm still the same person you knew five minutes ago i've just decided now is the time to be more upfront about this one aspect of who i am and i think it's awesome i think if we keep having people in every industry in every field and every religious denomination breaking the mold showing up and you know people starting to like them and then they break the mold in some way we just keep breaking the mold over and over again there will be no more molds there will be no more boxes there will be no more of ways to label anyone that could be [00:53:12] Mika: Exclusive or offensive I feel like there's it doesn't serve a purpose really to have do we really need to walk into a certain arena a certain place a certain group club meeting community and do we really have to show up with an idea of like what we expect to see I know our brain likes to do that our brains are wired to seek out patterns and we think it's helpful for survival but i think we've kind of passed that point you know we really can't look at someone and dictate whether or not they are a threat to us in our lives And i think that maybe a conversation people aren't ready to talk about we want to blame certain groups of people because some percentage of them has Acted aggressively or angrily to things in Just a very uh uncomfortable way um but we can't still say that you know That all people who've agreed with this one idea or mindset Can't also have incredibly kind and humanitarian morals in a whole [00:54:25] Mika: Other way yeah do you think that we're like do you think that we're like almost traumatized by religion like we're in this place of almost like a post-religion spot in our world right like it's not that long ago that we kind of have been living with this you know you know god is dead um situation um and not that Everybody lives with it but it is interesting we are traumatized by it like it's like uh you know like if we were bit by a snake when we were younger you know we're going to be looking out for snakes when we're older or if i've said this one before if a guy with a snake on his shirt yells at you really loudly when you're four years old you might be like traumatized of snakes and so there might be like some reciprocating uh or some Uh leftover strange scarring or trauma when it comes to religious talk or spiritual talk because there's so many people that i know in me even just a couple just a few years ago um where i'm just like i [00:55:23] Mika: You start talking about spiritual stuff or religious stuff i'm like i'm not listening bro it's so funny i think i think i had to oh it triggered me but it's the truth i had this moment this train of thought probably a year and a half and then my spiritual journey but i'm like i've denounced christianity for my life so hard just to find myself claiming i'm spiritual uh That maybe is trending at first but now i actually believe some of the things that align with that and i am in her own little religion again whether or not i go to a place and i talk about it with anyone but i'm like so funny He named god what god is i decided god Is out the universe sources in literally just dude it's so funny Mika we all we all something to believe in and so whether that is a human person or an enigma or a concept or an idea or this Otherworldly being it's like no i don't think i don't think any one of us is walking around thinking [00:56:36] Mika: You know we don't subscribe to something higher or we don't have respect for something that we don't fully understand and can't fully validate so i don't know i just like i had to really sit with myself about that i was like how i was like i literally just i went and found a new type of faith like i was kind of ambiguously faith driven for a few years Like high school you know i wasn't really thinking about it and then halfway through college i was like i didn't feel like i had a lot of faith and i didn't feel like i had a lot of interest in certain things and then incomes you know trending millennial spiritual stuff and i like tarot cards And i start buying crystals by the dozens and i start looking into starseed **** and i'm like sold all right this way aligns with my psychology stuff way more than anything else i can be a behaviorist mindset and be a spiritual guru in my own respect and it's just [00:57:33] Jacob: It's just funny but i see i think your whole idea on trauma is really it's spot on and it's interesting because if something that traumatized us shows up in a outfit and a new vessel we are not as traumatized until we realize they embody the thing that traumatized us before so i'm thinking of like people who find Themselves habitually in abusive relationships until that new person exhibits the behaviors that old abusive person exhibits you think you've got a good one They have like that you and you keep going down that road and until those behaviors pop up you don't realize that you're going to re-traumatize yourself by letting in the same thing because it's put in a different package every single time If we can't physically recognize the trauma right out of the gate we have an opportunity to be traumatized if it looks different lessons will be repeated until learned Absolutely yeah damn yeah that's a i [00:58:43] Mika: Really like that eyes i'm glad we stumbled into this area of conversation okay so i have a i have a short little story i'll share with you that i think you'll enjoy um it's just thinking of like things that i was not open to receiving five years ago in what i am now you know um like my view on like spirituality and spirit and soul and um you know christianity buddhism like all of these i just have this like dude i get what you're pointing at i 100 and i love that too and that's something that i point out in myself and some days i feel like i use this language and some days i use this way of saying it you know and i think it's all beautiful i love it all and bring on all religions bring on all you know explanations of spirit spiritual being like they're all so fascinating i don't care which ones the capital t truth which one points to something within me that lights me up you know um so i had uh is when i was when i was back in town uh probably like uh this was probably like winter maybe it was like seven or eight months ago or maybe it was a little longer that essentially it was uh within a few months of uh of the breakup of my long-term relationship and it was also um a weekend after or a few days after my [00:59:54] Mika: Cousin casey had passed away um and i was at work and uh you know as i was listening to you know a lot of like rom das and alan watts and stuff just trying to like you know do my grieving process um but i was also just i was very sad um very heartbroken obviously from the passing of my cousin but long-term like you know this whole last year has been me kind of like sitting with the pain in my broken heart and trying to try to accept that and move forward you know um but so i was i was essentially at a really kind of low spot and i wasn't my norm normally when i show up as a supervisor at work i try uh don't always get there but i try to show up as like hey guys what's up like it's gonna be a great day like i try to you know have that energy so it's effect you know i know that it's um infectious and um i hadn't done that for a day or two and i had one of my employees who was like uh [01:00:47] Mika: Oh man he had been like 19 or something uh he's his family very sweet family his mom actually worked there as well they're very christian very religious um so serving so uh present like i really I really liked that their family i got along with him well um but he came in there i'm his supervisor and he's a you know a teenager he comes in and he kind of like shuts the door a little bit behind him and he's like hey uh you know i just uh i just i just wanted to ask if everything was okay and i was like i mean that almost like made me cry right there right and uh because i was like oh dang was i'm not hiding it well enough or whatever and i was like oh man you know that's so sweet of you to ask i really appreciate it you know i'm okay you know i'm kind of going through some personal stuff and um and i think i just told him you know like you know i'm dealing with a recent breakup and i did recently lose someone in my family so i'm just kind of you know going through the motions and processing it basically and uh and he gave his [01:01:44] Mika: Condolences and you know said some sort of um you know let me know if you need anything so something endearing he was very sweet of him he walked out Um and then you know the end of the shift comes and i was i was really in that stag spot like that night was i kept like kind of getting farther and farther into my own head i was very sad but it was there was this wall up i started feeling very numb i was not feeling emotion i was very like um disassociative uh incredibly disassociative um and **** man he i was at home and i was riding uh and feeling emotionless i was at home later that night writing and he texted me and he literally just says and i see his name pop up and i thought it was strange that he texted me at like midnight or something anyway i was like oh maybe he's not gonna show up for work tomorrow and he's letting me know and he just goes hey jake i just wanted to let you know that i'm praying for you [01:02:37] Mika: And he said like um you know you know i'm thinking about you i hope everything's okay basically but like that first line i just wanted to let you know that i'm praying for you and when i read that instantly i **** practically fell to my knees and started bawling like i it was this is the second i read that i was Just boom and if i would have if i would have been that same situation a few years before where i'm like i don't believe in that jesus stuff like i wouldn't have been able to felt that beauty in that like that divine moment of you know i was i had some [01:03:13] Mika: Plugs that i needed to take out and i had some feelings that i needed to feel because i was suppressing some **** um i had some processing that needed to be done and i and i cried for a long time that night for real like um and i felt i felt emptied out and energized the next day um but anyway i guess i wanted to share that um it was just this like beautiful moment that i'm so glad that i um in a selfish way i'm glad that i'm open to it now you know because a few years ago i would have i would have read that and been casual like thanks bro see you at work you know so yeah i appreciate you sharing that story the big reason why i always appreciate when you show uh your emotional intensity about things so openly is that we need more strong Men defining what masculinity can also look Like i think a lot of people are misguided on the fact that you know Masculine is supposed to include Patient supportive uh compassionate like Masculine traits are not always strong Brave sturdy stern Um they are meant to include [01:04:26] Mika: Not the masculine side the masculine version of being in your feels that is all-encompassing femininity has its own way of encompassing their feelings and Sharing them but masculine does too so i Always appreciate when you share the fact that yes men cry it is a thing um and it's just so interesting and something's been on my mind a lot lately is how much women have decided Either they've been coerced to or they feel like they genuinely have to or it's an unconscious thing that they are adapting to but women are trying to be more in their own masculine at this point and they're also under the belief that masculine is not showing emotions and being very uh disassociative and unconcerned with Other things and not being in their Feminine which is to openly show in voice emotions as they exist Um i follow a girl i think my name is madeline moon on instagram and she does a really good job of sharing reels about this kind of stuff but i realized that i need to pay more attention to this because it's actually not a compliment in my life to have people tell me you're a mystery i can't read you um you are so good at [01:05:50] Mika: You know your poker face or whatever like i'm not necessarily like i'm just trying to describe that better but it's been on my mind a lot lately because i realize i used to openly cry about things when they hurt me when i was younger and maybe that's just because i didn't have the emotional threshold to hold it back yet um but for a time period maybe over the last decade i feel like i really tried to work on that and now i'm someone who can actively hold back my emotions and My facial reactions and part of that was Part of holding back my physical reaction was part of the job i had at one point i was required to [01:06:26] Mika: Give nothing away as part of testing behavioral health for children on the autism spectrum if they were throwing fits or hurting me or biting me or things like that i had to show no visible reaction that they could feed off of so i know part of that is conditioning that i did as part of the job but regardless i've had a lot of stuff that has upset me happened in the last several months maybe even over the last couple of years but specifically over the last couple of months that i've been founding it increasingly difficult to actually access people in a way that i need them like i am now a person who doesn't Feel comfortable crying in therapy which is totally okay like i advocate for people to do that when they're in therapy with me so it kind of feels like a double standard i've now created that i'm actively trying to work out of i'm trying to if i feel like i might cry in a moment Even if i'm in like a public place almost especially if i'm in a public place maybe i'm intended to do that maybe that [01:07:30] Mika: Person is going to randomly show me kindness and i need to allow myself to tear up a little bit and human to humans show them maybe they're not upsetting me but my day has been really upsetting and this is kind of the last straw and Why do we have to try so hard to maintain that we're not human and i've had a hard time not crying when other people are doing therapy as a therapist you're not supposed to and i'm not a licensed therapist i need to disclose that but i do on my bachelor's level and i've done psychology i'm told not to and i just i feel like we need to show for more human if someone is saying something to you that is truly heartbreaking if you're standing there going or sitting there and you're like yeah you know that must be so hard or whatever i mean that's not the way i talk it's kind of a very but it's fake and it's unhelpful and it doesn't really make them feel like you're connecting with them and so i try to remind myself but it's hard to come back from it that it's almost flattering when someone [01:08:29] Mika: Does cry in front of you like in a weird way it's almost flattering to see that this person is just kind of like fine I'm gonna let you see the full extension of my emotions in this moment And i'm almost trying to trust you that you are going to respond either neutral or accommodating because in this moment i am not you know [01:08:54] Mika: At my fulfilled mental sanity but you might be you know it's sharing the weight even in just a conversation with a client a stranger a friend a family member i feel like that's the conversation that we should really be having more of and even just like last night i got really upset about something and i was at my grandma's and i didn't want to **** cry in front of her but i knew i was going to if i kept talking and i was just like it was this active decision in my head i'm like do i need this conversation more or do i need to not cry in front of someone more and i ended up not even really getting a choice i said like three more words and i started crying and i was like well now it's all off yeah we've already started crying it doesn't matter how much right now because we already started but that's not the attitude i want to have and that's not the attitude i think the general public should have man or woman or child or anything we should all just be able to Be in our feelings a little bit and show [01:09:57] Mika: Emotion even at work i think we should be taking down that barrier and allowing everyone to see like we are all human don't expect teachers to be inhuman Don't expect you know people's life experiences to not show up In their life i mean we expect this of celebrities we expect this of presidents we expect this of all people and i honestly think it's separating I think it's what makes us put people on a pedestal and then want us we want to be more like them because they don't show fear they don't show upset and it's corrupting our ability to connect with others Yeah i think it is because we're supposed to cry we're supposed to experience emotion emotions you know we really are taught to uh i mean suppress for sure but we almost see it as like an overly emotional reaction oh hello uh ryan oh yeah that's awesome i uh i'm Missing my i'm missing my dog every day of course um but uh yeah it really is like Like i think that a lot of conversations if we allow the crying to happen but not allow it to um [01:11:16] Mika: Sometimes you could have a couple minutes of like an overly emotional when it comes to two people conversating about something if you're triggering each other if you are to the point where you're crying if you've got something going on that's just coming up in a conversation um and you You poke that hole and the crying starts coming you know it's just like oh great here it comes whatever it's a It's not a I think that is healthy because it does it not only points to us that like hey this thing that's going on that i'm talking about is important you know it's clearly important if i'm from if i'm if i'm crying over i'm feeling something very strongly about this oh dang maybe it's more important than i thought maybe i do feel more strongly about this um sometimes you could randomly poke around i've had conversations with my friends um where we're just like we're bsing we're having maybe this kind of talk and then it gets personal and then like suddenly i like my issues with [01:12:08] Mika: Self-worth are poked and i'm balling my eyes out and i'm like what the f how did this even happen but i felt comfortable i felt open in a loving place with me and my friend and you know within three minutes i'm not crying anymore and we're laughing and we're you know on to the next thing but it's uh it's nothing to be ashamed about to cry it's nothing to be um ashamed about to feel human emotion dude like it's what we're doing here it's this whole thing Absolutely yeah i it's hard i just i it's hard to come to like the root of like where that was decided I mean not it's not hard to really decide where it came to with men i mean men have been old man up since they were like little And that's unfair but Where we decided like women as well need to keep their cards close to their chest all the time It's a balance of the masculine and the feminine it's not like just because you're a girl you need to have 100 feminine energy just [01:13:15] Mika: Because you're a guy you need to have 100 masculine energy it's like no if you're a girl or a guy or if whatever you whatever you identify as you need to have masculine balance with feminine balance and that's what makes like the human best version of yourself you know like yeah like where you're not ignoring the entire aspects of Yourself where you're not um over correcting over uh Yeah i think that's the biggest thing it's you know we hear we hear the word balance all the time but when it comes to the masculine and feminine sides of each of us because we all have each it is about balance you know and there's times to be more in your feminine maybe for longer there's times to be more in your masculine maybe for longer um but i think as an overall homeostasis way of being something to strive for it's a balance between the knowledge that is brought forth from both of these yeah that you have a solid point and i Feel like what people fail to realize is that we choose the people we choose to be our friends and our partners because We like their balance of masculine and feminine and specifically you know that's how we end up like [01:14:26] Mika: In some ways you know an athletic couple Two people who are highly athletic adventurous thrill seekers i would argue that in some ways both of them may be more in their masculine than their feminine because that drive that ambition Courage is typically more defined and That way is more defined as a masculine trait and if it's something they're both avidly passionate about and that's where all their hobbies are they love hiking they love the versions they're both a little bit more and they're masculine and that's totally cool and so i think we need to figure out that you know We don't just like people because of their gender that they look like we're still looking for people that align with what we want and how much do we want how much we enjoy someone being in their masculine and where they're feminine and when um i don't know i think that's just why like couples that we are like how does that work we don't realize like what's really going on underneath the surface and to let her out of the room right yeah i'm not a [01:15:34] Mika: Yeah we've got to recognize what we are or are not looking for like i'm not i'm not looking for a woman i want a woman with a good you know masculine side but i'm not looking for a woman who's going to go fistfight everybody at the bar every time we go out you know so it's about balance right yeah and i feel like i gave like an anecdote or two the last one we did and so i was like thinking about the one i wanted to get today because i eventually want to be like some type of philosopher i need to like start like Dipping a little bit here a little bit there yeah hit me But something about is a concept of you Know when people say and i've seen it in memes so it's like i feel like it's commonplace knowledge but the concept of like what we bring a metaphorical table in a friendship in a partnership at work What have you what we bring to the metaphorical table and i started really thinking about this table like if it were a real table people were physically bringing gifts outwardly like carrying **** in their arms and setting on the table to bring to the group [01:16:44] Mika: How you know how we think we would like to hang out with people who are like us and Why i think we don't actually want that we just don't realize it is that it's boring and i also feel like when if we had a whole group of people sitting at a table and they all brought the same things to the table and nothing new to share like they were identical matches it's almost like monopolizing and hoarding resources in one space and not sharing Them with other people in a way that would actually light up everyone the people receiving these new ideas and gifts and getting to like discuss them would be thrilled for the opportunity And the people sharing them who had stepped away from the table where everything was the same would also feel fulfilled thinking this is so cool people are actually really enjoying what i have to share an offer where they would not have that same feeling at a table where they're like yeah no we all brought this okay and you brought oh we all brought that too cool um isn't it half what we have you know it's kind of just like it would be such a boring table to sit at and i don't know i just [01:17:56] Mika: Um i had more on that like a whole little short story it's a lot to talk about but i like thinking about it that way like what would we really like to bring to our friendships into our partnerships and we want to bring ourselves certainly but we also want to bring I don't know bring an open mind Yeah we're also just as interested at what other people are bringing to the table not just what we provide we need to be as interested about What other people can provide to us in return otherwise it gets offset the balance [01:18:39] Jacob: Yeah it's not about finding this and only this it's about finding this and that too you know it's it really is kind of like a community uh what way of thinking i get what you're saying you know i was thinking about echo chambers as you were talking um something like we want to surround ourselves with people just like us who are going to reaffirm our ideas and our beliefs and what we do and what we think is going on or whatever um And then we think the contrast of that needs to be like a debate club like you find your arch-nemesis of who believes the opposite of what you do and that's how you interact um or you or you make them the enemy but i think it's uh it's not so black and white i think it's like all the colors you know it's way more colors than that it's like it's basically Like it's such a beautiful and Like yes to you being your authentic self and bringing exactly that to the table like that's what the table needs because we're a collective uh but also but also [01:19:40] Jacob: Having so you bring what you have to the table and you don't look for an echo chamber you don't look for more people who have the exact same things that you're bringing to the table or we all just brought you know plain ruffles and that's what we're eating for dinner you know we keep in mind the community we keep in mind everybody what everybody else might be bringing and then we really focus in on what we could bring and we and we own that and we just be our authentic self whatever the hell that means i'm still trying to figure it out um i think i think by Trying to be authentic i'm instantly inauthentic so **** but um yeah i like That i like that point Mika I do um i Feel like i do see what you're pointing at with that yeah i mean our genetics our dna at like a deep level are already doing this like our i don't know i think [01:20:32] Jacob: It's going more popularity like people know about this but our sense of smell actually helps us dictate who our most suitable partner is and it's on an unconscious level it's the pheromones that people produce in their sweat and they're just existing in their body um it is it's determined to try and help us Not procreate with our family whether or Not we know them our sense of smell is supposedly supposed to pick up on that and steer us away from it like we're gonna think their sweat stinks we're gonna think their breath stinks because we don't we don't want to be attracted to them our genetics are like no this is not the right one but someone who has different genetics and this kind of has components that we're missing as far as like health attributes we should from a sensory standpoint And probably go undetected [01:21:29] Mika: We should be drawn to people who have our opposites because that's going to give us from appropriation angle it's going to give us the best outcome that's going to give us the best offspring and so i always think about just like in the middle east like ages how they would like marry into other families for power and keep it in the family line but before that kind of started or if that wasn't a thing people really did have healthy strong vibrant offspring because they were allowed to just go off like people smelled bad back then like they didn't they kind of tried to cover it up but you really got to smell what a person smelled like when you're only bathing once a week so with how much we bathe now all our perfumes deodorants um i know people who don't use anything as like a scent on them but even our homes have a scent and i feel like we're almost at a disadvantage now like unless we really get up and close and personal with someone's like sweat after they've worked out and we're giving them a hug we don't really have a general sense of what the people you're around smell like [01:22:36] Mika: And our genetics can't play as much of a role in being like we do this person on a genetic level like they would be a good person too Swap dna with share dna like i don't know i think about that sometimes and how i mean our generation i feel like we're plagued by the idea of When am i gonna find mr or mr or mrs right And i think that i think the pheromone and the sensory aspect kind of plays a lot into that more than we realize that at a very basic level we are at a disadvantage because of all the sensory things that corroborate what we would naturally pick up on right yeah it makes me think about dating apps like dating apps like that's what they feel so unnatural i mean they're great in a lot of ways like some people have had like so many people have had success and met awesome people through dating apps um and i think there's something awesome about it but they do feel very unnatural like uh like to not have The things that build up our intuition which is you know like our interaction with pheromones and interaction with sense in our other four senses um [01:23:47] Mika: Those are forgotten about in place of data in place of algorithms you know it's like i don't know it is very interesting and the pheromone thing is incredibly interesting as you were talking about that i was this feels so corny and if this if this girl hears this for whatever reason this is going to be like embarrassing but um again back in high school it's not that bad um but uh i still remember to this day basically back in high school um i'd like i was Hanging out with this girl for a little while um and then i ended up like completely ghosting her and going back to my ex because i'm a total **** but um But essentially to this day i remember like there was something about like her smell like that's that sounds weird um and it wasn't like her perfume there was something that i was it was like the first time i was very cognizant and i noticed like uh like the person smell a certain [01:24:41] Jacob: Way you know and it's something that you know they say is one of the best um closely tied to it to our memory it's something that i literally think about like as you were talking about that i literally it was just picturing this girl like yeah she's smelling good so it's just this super silly thing but i Think that when it comes to sense when it comes to you know pheromones we have a knack for labeling things good or bad you know i Uh on the weekends here um i've been working at the um at lake travis and we have two bathrooms that have air Conditioning uh but there's a lot code on them and there's a bunch of people that go throughout the day we're not supposed to give the number out like people are supposed to use the porta potties that are across the way and there's this like i can watch people [01:25:28] Jacob: Go to the porta potties and they walk out or they're about to walk in and they're so disgusted they're like you and they have like this big reaction about you know how it smells and how it's so gross and all this stuff and i like to go like i'll go into those porta-potties and just be like yeah this is what it **** smells like i'm ex like this makes me appreciate not having to smell this all the time you know and so like just My mindset being different than those people i think that we see when it comes to sense we see when it we smell when it comes to sense or damn it When we smell we label it as good or bad [01:26:03] Mika: So quickly and i think we should like take longer consideration of that i think you'll just accept that something smells a certain way and then accept that you now have a reaction to it doesn't have to be oh that's stinky we need to freak out yes i agree with you i was just thinking i was like if i even could just if we were only allowed three categories percents and two of them were good and bad i would like the third one to be intriguing like what is intriguing is it i mean people i think it leans more towards good but also it's like even with bad smells or things that i'm not particularly like and like i wouldn't want to smell like that or have my house smell like that i'm like what is that like cooking certain spices i'm like [01:26:46] Mika: But wait what it changed i don't know like smells so important in how we like dictate things um the other thing i was thinking about when we were talking about online dating and i wanted to let you finish your whole train of thought was that i again had thought i'd come up with an idea that no one else had thought of and was wrong but i my best friend like do you think someone would use a dating where you are you're blind dating yourself like you're not blind dating yourself but you have entered into blind dating no one's entered you into it or no one's set you up you're setting yourself up on a blind date so there are no pictures you get to know the person's name you get to know their age you get to know like where they live locationally because that is important and then they just have to you have to spend time writing an intricate bio that kind of showcases your personality your humor some of your interests maybe your astrology sign but there are no photos so you go through people's profiles and you're just like you're reading like a story you're actually just reading the story you don't get to see a picture so you don't have to decide i don't know i just i feel like i've not had success on dating apps because i date i on dating apps i'm shallow [01:27:58] Mika: If i it's an energy exchange like it does not Matter how attractive i find you if i can't have a 30-minute conversation with you in a bar and feel like i'm generally interested or wherever i am this won't be happening like i won't be doing this again as intimately i've already learned that we don't really vibe on a conversational level um so i was like it was almost like a way to like protect me from myself if i really had to just look at a way a person spoke and you know even just look at their grammar and look at the jokes they try to make and what their interests are i think i would be much more likely to set myself up with someone who would be good for me or who would become a friend they would have enough in common it wasn't a romantic attraction i at least gave a chance on meeting a new friend um and she said there's a tv show i Leo also i'd have to like look it up again but i like need to watch it because she's like this already exists but yes i do think people would use it [01:28:57] Mika: Um because i really just thought about it you know i've had i've had four significant relationships in my life uh romantic relationships and With the exception of one of them which was my first one which is just like that head over heels naive you know you just you see someone and you're like oh my god i'm in love you know whatever so we're gonna exclude that one but the other three i did not i did not think they were the most handsome men i'd ever seen i wouldn't even think they were in like the top five and so now if they hear this i'm gonna be like you know what i probably do i don't care they'll never know which one who's what but i just i really and even as i started to enter into a relationship with them i realized i did not find them [01:29:42] Mika: Physically attracted like i as i had you know my one night stands or anyone else i found their personality attractive i found their humor i found their smile i found their laugh i found their energy attractive and i really was in these relationships because i genuinely found the person at a deeper soul level attractive and i thought that was cool like when i really sit with that i it gives me a chance to realize i'm not inherently a shallow person i'm not dating someone for stature power Looks aesthetics any of that i'm picking people that i really date and connect to for a deeper reason But it also makes me realize why am i not doing that in my dating life like if i don't if i'm not meeting people organically and i'm just trying to meet new people why am i not more open about yeah this person doesn't strike me as like the most attractive that i've come across in my last seven swipes but [01:30:38] Mika: Their bio is funny why would i not swipe right just because they have a clear sense of humor through the computer or the phone mm-hmm i thinks about that and processes on that too that how unfair we're actually being to ourselves and giving our chance giving ourselves a chance at having efficient and successful relationships because of how we're meeting people now is more superficial it's more shallow We're looking at pictures we're not getting to look at a person and there's no way we're getting to feel a person through the phone it's just not a thing um i just feel like in a lot of respect we're not giving ourselves a getting ourselves a connect with people and the more try to connect with that we probably knew from the start that we didn't have a lot in common with or they weren't particularly on the same or level with us we become discouraged we're like oh i've gone on you know five tinder dates and They're all just boring or they're all just aggressive or because we're not looking for the right things when we're on the app we're doing it to ourselves like our intuition could pick up on something but our eyes are you know leading the service [01:31:50] Mika: Yeah i 100 agree i yeah my it is very interesting to treat an entire like when i scroll through tinder you're literally just saying yes or no it's like you're treating a person as a one or a zero and it is just you're Playing the game with the game pieces right like there is like there's a part of me that wants to feel like shame about that you know i'm like i'm **** shallow and that's **** up and whatever but i think that it is it is part of the game like let's don't **** yourself that um that isn't there is more that can come out of tinder and that's not the only side of it but that is kind of the basics of it is if you know when you're scrolling there you're getting your yeses in your nose like i find this girl this girl or guy attractive or i do not find this girl or guy attractive um and it is frustrating to me too Mika that i [01:32:44] Mika: I will pick like their interest in their bio i'm like yeah i would like that person but i'm not physically attracted to them and it'll be a no for me and then and i'm sitting there like what am i what am i looking for you know it so maybe Maybe i'm sure not everybody has this exact same experience uh with dating apps um but i think As i've as i've been on it for a few months and i'm on it less and less i like it less and less um i think that going into tinder knowing What you want is huge meaning if i was going into tenor knowing that i'm looking up like i'm looking for hookups like i'm knowing that i'm just i'm just looking for you know a little bit of fun on a friday saturday night like let's both have a great time mutual we don't have to talk after what i don't know how this really goes i haven't had any um actual experience in it but uh like [01:33:39] Mika: There is a difference between going in like that um knowing that it's just a hookup going in for looking for a relationship like hey i'm this many years old and i'm looking to settle down i'm looking to find someone who has the same interest in me and i really want to hit it off because i'm looking to get married like that's a huge difference between looking to hook up and then where i'm at where i just don't know like i just i like i'm open to what whatever is going to happen i don't know that i have i'm like have a ton of time to be emotionally available you know um but i don't want to shield myself off i do enjoy talking to an attractive you know i like flirting back and forth between someone that i find attractive and finds me attractive of course like don't **** deny that um but yeah so i think overall what i'm saying is not knowing what you're trying to get out of tinder out of dating apps or what not knowing what you really want out of dating is it puts handcuffs on you in a strange [01:34:38] Mika: Way um but yeah i don't know what you jotted something down what do you got Mika i'm just rambling about my weird Think about what you were saying um so i was thinking about kind of changing my idea or maybe like adding more stuff to it but what if we Instead of yes or no which is so simple The checkmark or you know doing a scale like what if we were able to join apps and then there were two scales like we have on instagram one below the other and we could slide it um and one could be the platonic scale see if you're only there for friends maybe you only acknowledge that one and you just completely ignore the other scale being romantic or attractive too Like the physical attraction and you can just move one like if you want to make friends you could just move the platonic one too like hey it seems like we have lots in common let's hang out or Um i'd just like to talk to you online Um and like maybe we could like slide to [01:35:41] Jacob: A scale and then when we give that input when someone slides on we get to decide whether or not we slide back and meet them at the same point like i completely agree or if we want to like change it a little bit if we did find them attractive like also in turn with like you wanting to Friends i do find you attractive like could there be more is there open Like there's it so many things are a continuum and i wonder if a team profile should just adopt that idea like why are you why are you on the app and how are you viewing this person not just [01:36:19] Mika: Check mark vibrate like that's so ambiguous what does it really mean why right on this person what was it that did it for me it is it is weird to think about the contrast between someone who is just a friend and someone who is a friend that you would like to have romantic relationship with though because i think that like the second you make that an okay door to explore it changes your interaction with that person like because you know when we're thinking out of you know like our horny ape minds Where [01:36:56] Mika: We think differently like there's this saying you've probably heard it before uh like a guy will decide if he would sleep with a woman within the first 10 seconds of meeting her or something like that have you heard that before the box theory yeah the box oh there's a whole theory on yeah so i've casually heard it you may be able to explain it better than i can but it really uh i mean there is there is something to it like as is as gross as that feels to admit you know it is something that's like a real thing you know like i don't know that there is a different um there's a different side of ourselves again as much as i wouldn't want to admit it if i'm meeting a girl for the first time and i think there's you know like we're meeting on a level of hey you're single and i'm single and like let's kind of flirt i'm going to have a different you know day of conversation with her than if she if she is married right like if she that same situation like even if i thought she was attractive but if she was married if that's and that's a line that i would obviously draw for myself like i'm going to show up as a different a different person so there's almost like these blockages psychologically that we put up on ourselves um [01:38:03] Mika: That stopped the naturalness of it but yeah i don't know dating apps i think it would have to be a whole new thing like if we took on your idea i think it would have to be it wouldn't just be like and tinder's doing this now because people would people want their yeses or no's they want their like can i get laid or not get laid or can i can i can this person become my wife or is there no potential of that you know gosh and i don't feel like it would be particularly popular if we set it up at the very beginning where they had to decide and select an option like just here to hook up could Be its own like pool of people like at the very opening when you like create your profile here's my name here's my phone number whatever that the very next step is why do you want like how do you want to use this app one pool for Just here for hookups one pool of people for looking for friends not emotionally available And then another for i would like something deeper i'm here to date i'm here to go on dates i'm here to find relationships intimate [01:39:11] Mika: Romantic relationship but i think a lot of people when they start on a dating app they i'm guilty of it too more or less i just want to go on there and see what's out there i don't really know i don't want to like agree to just one thing like i kind of just want to see what's available before i make my decision as to what category i would put someone in but that's the problem that is the problem we need to go in there with an idea of what we want like you're saying other we have all these weird rules and Yeah i think of dude i do weird **** dating apps are so weird uh it's like the weirdest side of myself to learn about um i'll do this thing like i'll match with girls and like my and i'll never message them you know like i'll never say anything like i have there's just tons of girls that are just and then it gets a couple days later and i'm like well now it's **** too late like i miss that so then i'm wondering like what am i doing like when i'm scrolling like i'm scrolling through here or um like i got the uh i [01:40:11] Mika: Paid for the version again shame um Like so i get notified when someone likes me and i could say yes or no and all like all like oh yeah that girl's cute like oh she likes yoga she likes philosophy she likes trail right like cool let's talk and i'll say yeah cool she's cute and then like it'll just sit there like i don't talk to her i don't and i there's a lot of me that kind of i think that i'm too cool or i go to meta on like the like i don't want to do the opening line corny you know dad joke thing and then there's other sides of me where i'm like i get that's how you play the game though like literally that's how humans work if you can make someone laugh you kind of have an opening and then you know they're comfortable with you or whatever it becomes for you know we're laughing together rather than complete strangers that's a huge line broken down so i don't know i don't know Mika I don't know what i'm talking about or saying but tinder and dating apps are **** weird [01:41:03] Mika: Yeah you're on to something though it is it's do you want to play the game or not play the game and if you don't want to play the game dating apps will not work for you dating apps don't work for me because i don't want to play i just want i don't know my big request on dating apps is i'm like hit me with an open-ended interesting question I've got completely ignored people who start with hey what's up how are you i am i'm like i undo it See but that's **** because [01:41:39] Mika: It's hard to know on the guy's end because like some girls they want that and you can't really always tell just from like there like sometimes you're like okay maybe this girl is more into like this like this girl looks like she wants dad jokes or because of her bio saying this it's this like we're constantly trying to analyze like uh i have had i've had girls message me first and they'll like they're like hey you with a smiley face and i'm like hey what's up smiley face and it's not ghosted like it's nothing like i didn't say the correct thing back like oh **** was i supposed to that's when i was supposed to said that dad joke that i googled yesterday you know or whatever it was like it's just so **** calculated i don't know how to be natural about it i agree with you but i do i try to be fair i put it on my bio i use hinge and i put it on my bio like the way to get to know me is asking open ended [01:42:31] Mika: Interesting questions like i put it right there but i guess it doesn't say you know explicitly if you enter in the conversation boring ass small talk people won't even do your thought you know but i guess like a little speak we don't like we don't really care if we make connection or not on social media all it would take is me one remotely interesting decent person in person i probably wouldn't hit our app for like a week we would just talk to that person through text instead and hang out with them and give them a chance i don't think anyone actually expects a lot out of dating apps i know I know i don't [01:43:12] Mika: Yeah i met a guy um the last show that i worked in florida uh we were talking about like because i hadn't seen everybody in a while and they're like what's been up like how are you how's austin like have you gotten the dating apps yet you know like my homies are like how you doing in the dating room um in one of the one of the camera operators chimed in and he's like i actually met my wife on tinder um and they're very happy and he said what he did like he was at a point where he was he was ready to get married he wanted a wife like um which i [01:43:37] Mika: Feel like is like a actually like that's a pretty cool place to be like you know what yeah i'm ready for this is what i want like i know what i'm looking for um and he said i think he said he just started like he started just swiping yes on everybody like if they he thought they were interesting at all or they had anything in common whatever he would just open up a conversation and he would just spend some time talking to everybody and like the ones that he spent more time with you know and he ends up like he met his wife on there it's just because they had great conversation back and forth because he was very open to like just say yes to everybody and let's have conversations and see where it goes you know that seems like a lot of effort that seems like so much time spent like i this sounds so selfish but i think i value my time too much to have that many conversations going on it's he sounds like a wonderful person just from like the amount of effort he was willing to put forward and for his own intrinsic motivation like no one expected him to he's just like you know what let me give everyone a shot yeah you know like that's smart he knew what his was and he knew that it meant you know getting rid of some of his stigmas and biases yeah i mean i don't know uh i don't [01:44:46] Mika: Know him very well we just like he just was chiming in on our conversation uh but i will say he's a fantastic jib camera operator as well so he's got that going for him for him just the same Yeah so uh michael we're getting kind of up here in time and i do need to get ready for work shortly so um let's kind of round the corner i was thinking about like you know a lot of times i'll ask at the end of the podcast i'll ask like what does the world need more of right now um or i'll ask something like specific that i that i thought of through the conversation that like might just interact with that person uh what i'd like to ask of you Mika i feel like [01:45:23] Jacob: You probably know you know you know a good amount of people who might listen to the podcast or what the type is like we grew up in the same town um you've been on the podcast you kind of know like my style and what i like to talk about and stuff um like as an ending wrap-up section or question like what if you were talking to the listeners or someone who needed to hear something right now like what do you what's like a message or a piece of advice or something that maybe like a blanket statement that you might be able to offer listeners like um that might help them out might give them different perspective might uh it might just be something you're personally experiencing now that's just helpful to offer others i don't know do you have anything when i when i when i ask that Mika My cat keeps butting the door open and closed can't decide he's distracting she's too much um Make a statement i am i'm struggling with the super uh Wide range of the ways i could answer questions um I also have to admit i haven't really been feeling like much of myself lately so i'm struggling to just like throw something together with a lot of [01:46:42] Jacob: asking Mika authenticity But i guess something i've been thinking a lot lately about is I struggle with it's feeling like i am I'm considering what other people's motivations are without actually asking them like i'm assuming i know why people are doing The things that they're doing without actually opening up the dialogue to them and It's hard to have conversations like this even for someone like me that advocates for people having them um i'm feeling this way in response to you know our last conversation or our interactions lately or the lack of communication between us and I'm just curious as to if you have stuff in your life going on that is affecting our relationship Um but if i could just if you could i don't know just basically explain what's going on so i don't feel like it's a direct attack on our friendship or you're not wanting to spend time with me um So i don't know that's i mean that's been on my mind a lot it's not a blanket statement really it's just if before we go ahead and get upset about something that's not happening or something that is happening we can't just assume that we know that everyone involved in that thought Understands what's happening can we really be [01:48:27] Jacob: More with other people and be like i'm feeling this way and i just wondered if you were picking up on it or if there's a reason behind how i'm feeling if you can provide more perspective because if anything involves another person that way um we don't have the whole story by just trying to like demystify it and think it through in our own mind what may or may happening in that connection [01:48:54] Jacob: We then always we have answers in our own mind but if it involves another person we really don't yeah we have a lot of ways of jumping to conclusions in our own head cavity you know assuming the person is doing this or purposely doing that um you know and a lot of times i think that we'll find when you do have that straight up conversation send that long text send that whatever or just maybe one sentence text and just ask what's up um uh yeah i think we find that a lot of times it's not personal you know it's not if there is distance between us if there is distance between um you know if there's it's not ill intent a lot of the times maybe it could be so it is worth asking maybe what you have what you're thinking about it does have validity to it don't just disregard it you know think about it but yeah i think uh not assuming before talking right Yeah and being open to the idea of just believing what they say their intent is Like unless your intuition and your gut is like very in a big way saying the opposite [01:50:06] Jacob: Um just being willing to believe them if they have some sort of reason even if it's like an excuse that is why This one thing in their life is affecting their friendships and we wouldn't have known how to ask them so yeah i don't know just being A better listener than we are a speaker This is something that's in turn i feel like has made me want to listen more Because i actually don't want to speak so that's the only other option if i want to be a part of that interaction is okay i'll listen this time Yeah okay i like it well Mika thanks for um answering my like very on the spot uh think of [01:50:53] Mika: Something and make it important questions i like i feel so terrible sometimes i'll hear myself rambling around the question and before i even get to the end i'm like oh i'm screwing this person over i'm like setting them up for failure but you certainly did not fail um i think you pointed out something that a lot of us deal with so thank you for uh for being vulnerable and finding something in your personal life to share with others all right thank you for having me i wish [01:51:20] Jacob: You were not texas i wish we could be doing this in person but Um if anything doing this podcast has just made me even more certain that a visit needs to happen in the future A visit i've never been to texas so that would be fun but it's great come on down i like it so far i'm moving into my new apartment next monday actually so just a few days so i'll have my own spot so feel free to come down whenever Mika I'll also be down um i'll text you about it i'll be down sometime in november so i think we may be able to find some time to go for a walk or something so Perfect sounds great yeah Thank you Mika listeners Take care of yourself love yourself um if you Want to check out the other episode with Mika feel free um Mika has a couple things that she's written too so you can maybe check those out and search for them maybe it'll be a mystery for you to find um yeah again thank you Mika take care love yourselves Peace out At what age do we learn how to have better conversations At what age do we learn to have better conversations with ourselves Knowledge is power You