# The JYLP Ep 090 with B.S. in Psychology Will Andes - Being Boys, Becoming Men, And Bringing Peace - Episode: 0090 - Date: 2022-09-27 - Duration: 2:58:29 - Guest: [Will Andes](/guests/will-andes/) - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVN_OHEIfsM - RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/5928b4fa - Spotify (show): https://open.spotify.com/show/45J7CBdM8j29doqyBp2bFs - Apple (show): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-junkyard-love-podcast/id1489118788 ## About (first couple mins is self-promo, guest intro starts at 2:15) Will Andes is wise, well-spoken, and full of welcoming perspective. A salesman with a constantly evolving good nature, this good-natured troublemaker joins the podcast from Philadelphia where he lives with his family and close friends. Amidst our time together here we weave through topics such as; physical and mental health, yoga, good teachings, pop culture, east coast vs. west coast minds, thinking towards growth, fatherhood, expanding capacities for love, the death of the Great Mac Miller, creating art, rules of artistry, privacy, free-speech, social-media, how to change perspective, contributions to the collective conscious, marriage, weddings, parental technology, we talk about A.I. Rappers, alleviating stress, being a control person, planning a future, various ways we’ve changed as we grew, advice to the younger self, healing trauma, spiritual awakenings, enlightening paths, being a leader, hierarchies, psychedelics, and mucho more-o. If you enjoyed the episode, hit subscribe and give it a like. Follow the Instagram @jacobfromtheinternet for updates on new episodes, clips, and more. Books mentioned: Eckhart Tolle - The Power Of Now ## Chapters (none published in episode notes) ## Quotes (none published in episode notes) ## Guest links (from published notes) (none published in episode notes) ## Tags / keywords Will Andes, Being Boys Becoming Men And Bringing Peace, Junkyard Love Podcast episode 0090, JYLP 0090, B.S. in Psychology ## Archive picks Extracted from the YouTube auto-caption transcript and published notes already on this episode. Labeled separately from Jacob’s published About / Chapters / Quotes / Hashtags. ## Memorable quotes - [00:11:05] Will: “live more in the moment on a daily basis which I think has been huge for my Evolution and growth you know over the last few years” - [00:32:57] Will: “my life's no longer mine like I live my life I still have me and I still want to do things but like There's a greater good that like Crystal and I” - [01:12:21] Will: “she doesn't sugarcoat **** like she gives it to me um but actually my boss at work right now is like one of those people where like I am in awe of” - [01:43:53] Will: “I'm a Salesman you know like a killer yeah but” - [02:48:19] Will: “Bennett Renee Andes so her initials are bra which like is nothing but like naming a human is so like oh you probably think about that right yes but” - [00:13:15] Will: “east coast of like you know it's never good enough more and more and more whereas the West goes by you know spending time in California whether it's” - [00:54:06] Will: “divine feminine came out and I fell in love with that album and I had always been a fan of Mac a little bit but it was like me being an idiot from” - [01:56:59] Will: “Allotment in Las Vegas right so what we're gonna so what we're gonna do is like we're gonna fly out on like a Wednesday Thursday um we're gonna do” ## Chapter-style timestamps - [00:00:00](#t-00-00-00) — Bumper / self-promo — Austin show, DJ, open mic - [00:02:43](#t-00-02-43) — Guest intro — Will Andes; knowledge is power - [00:03:17](#t-00-03-17) — Hot yoga — Aunt Kim’s South Jersey studio - [00:10:35](#t-00-10-35) — East Coast vs West Coast minds / presence - [00:25:59](#t-00-25-59) — Fatherhood — Crystal, baby, expanding love - [00:40:55](#t-00-40-55) — Phones, parental tech, internet undefeated - [00:54:06](#t-00-54-06) — Mac Miller — Divine Feminine, Circles, John Brion - [01:43:53](#t-01-43-53) — Best man speech / salesman nerves / weddings - [01:56:59](#t-01-56-59) — Vegas wedding plans / engagement story - [02:12:37](#t-02-12-37) — Five-year plan — Philly row home, Jersey schools - [02:18:47](#t-02-18-47) — Eckhart Tolle, awakening paths, psychedelics - [02:55:16](#t-02-55-16) — Close — love your family, be present ## Keywords Will Andes, Being Boys Becoming Men And Bringing Peace, Philadelphia, South Jersey, East Coast vs West Coast, yoga, Black Swan Yoga, fatherhood, Crystal, Bennett Renee Andes, Mac Miller, Divine Feminine, Circles, John Brion, Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, salesman, best man speech, weddings, Vegas wedding, psychedelics, set and setting, growth mindset, leadership, trauma healing, Junkyard Love Podcast, JYLP 0090, Jacob Rhines ## Hashtags #WillAndes #JYLP0090 #JunkyardLove #Fatherhood #Yoga #EastCoast #WestCoast #MacMiller #EckhartTolle #PowerOfNow #Psychedelics #GrowthMindset #Marriage #Philadelphia #BeingBoysBecomingMen ## Short guest bio (from episode speech + published notes) Will Andes is a Philadelphia-based salesman with a B.S. in Psychology—wise, well-spoken, and described in the episode notes as a good-natured troublemaker living with his family and close friends. On this conversation he talks East Coast hustle versus presence, hot yoga (including his Aunt Kim’s South Jersey studio), fatherhood with fiancé Crystal and daughter Bennett Renee Andes, Mac Miller’s music, artistry and feedback, weddings and best-man nerves, planning a Vegas ceremony, and healing paths from Eckhart Tolle to psychedelics and set-and-setting. No guest contact links were published in the episode notes. ## Transcript [00:00:00] Jacob: Hello beautiful people welcome to the Junkyard Love Podcast it is I Andrew Tate's great grandmother I'm happy you're here today's episode is wonderful well he's wonderful you'll hear very soon uh real quick just a couple quick things um I am playing October 30th Halloween show in Austin I think it's Thirsty's is the venue but as it gets closer to that uh to that day October 30th check my Instagram Jacob from the internet I'll be posting info on that uh also San Marcos every second and fourth Tuesday open mic poetry night box combo lemonade with the homies uh it's awesome we just started this Open Mic poetry night so San Marcos Lazydays is the venue uh like 7 P. M I think is what we're doing yeah this is pretty cool otherwise check out my uh my link tree and my Instagram account if you want DJ mixes there's 50 plus of my old DJ mixes like live sets um old stuff new stuff just various genres uh you might enjoy it's all free it's on Mixcloud Jacob from the internet if you have an event coming up that needs a DJ hit me up I have 10 plus years of experience I played bars clubs casinos weddings special events holiday [00:01:14] Jacob: Parties I've played with hip-hop artists I played with rappers I've played with other DJs I've played tons of raves I've thrown my own Raves uh I've played country weddings I've really done tons of tons of things over my years in the DJ world if you need someone who knows music even if you just need a Spotify playlist built I do that on the side that's a fun couple extra bucks to make Spotify playlist custom mixes that's a little bit more hit me up if you need a DJ I'm your guy I'm always looking for freelance audio video DJ sound Creative Design uh freelance work so hit me up stay tuned Roadie stuff audio video technician I have a pretty good background at this point so hit me up if you need me call me I will travel if you pay the cost and some per diem don't worry baby in your if you're in the Austin area you can just like DM me on Instagram and I'll get back to you or hit me up on LinkedIn or email me junkyardlovejake gmail. com this episode is with Will Andes if you are enjoying hit subscribe hit like follow share whatever any interaction really helps we'll see you next episode knowledge is power reality is [00:02:43] Jacob: I'm doing as much as I should have been lately but there's this place in Austin here called Black Swan Yoga and they offer hot yoga man it's so good it's like hourglasses I signed up for a membership here and there's five within 20 you know 10 to 20 minutes of my place so just throughout the day I can be chilling like damn I need to get out of the house and I can just go to a yoga class so it's been uh that's awesome yeah it's been pretty dope have you been to any like actual classes oh yeah yeah I um so my aunt um my [00:03:17] Will: Dad's sister my Aunt Kim she was always like the coolant like uh like yeah got a degree in dance like worked in Vegas like dance like on stage is like a showgirl type thing um danced in the south of France in Monaco just like my cool aunt um she was like you know acting in New York for a long time and she's always into yoga and then recently within the last couple years she uh she opened her own Yoga Studio in South Jersey like probably like uh maybe like 30 40 minutes outside of Philadelphia and um I you know with the baby you know the last six months I haven't did you know many classes but um I that's she's the one that's kind of got me into yoga um I remember years ago uh she told she was like you got to come right on the beach on the shore she's like you gotta come to this yoga studio with me it's insane it's like everyone loves it and it was in an Old Barn like kind of in the middle of nowhere like in South Jersey like you know maybe like 20 minutes off the water just kind of in like you know basically like you know [00:04:16] Will: The blueberry Fields right like kind of middle of nowhere and we go into this this barn and it's the first time I've ever done Hot Yoga I've done some stretching exercises regular yogas and like you know whatever but never hot yoga and this Barn was dude I want to say like 111 like it was hot like for me as a first timer and we were doing a 90-minute course and you know the big thing is like you can't leave you can't break and like mentally I just like wasn't tough enough and I got to the hour and I was like I don't know how I'm gonna do the next like 30 minutes and I like proceeded to like bounce at like an hour and ten and I just I had to like break the seal and I went outside and like caught my breath and then just like took five went back in and then I just like laid on my back on my mat I don't know if it was in shavasana or like what I was but I was just you know you know a novice just like laying there like all right I still want to participate I'm very sorry but you know here I am in all my glory and like [00:05:11] Will: Mental anguish that's still shavasana that's still like you know the process of absorbing what you just took in and just kind of uh you know laying in it at least you went back in yeah of course of course um I'm a you know former track guy you know cross-country guy so truly a glutton for punishment when it comes to like the physical activity of it but like dude I love yoga like any like my dad hasn't gone to his sister's yoga class that drives me insane and I try to tell them all the time that like it's such a grueling workout and you're just standing in changing positions and like from an athlete's perspective and I'm like you know I played college sports but like not an athlete and I like you try to muscle it out like I remember my first maybe four or five sessions I'm just like trying to like be an athlete in there and it just you know that's not how it's done you kind of need to like succumb to it and like own your limitations and abilities and then like you slowly start getting better at least for me anyway we like yeah I got better when I like didn't try to muscle [00:06:12] Will: It out and like you know beat it in like uh you know athletic standpoint from an athletic standpoint yeah it is kind of this uh this big analogy G for you know clenching and letting go you know that because like yoga is very much a you know Let it Go just watch the struggle in your mind and allow it to pass and just stay there and don't move and lock into that position or whatever it is and then there's these there's this way of working out like more of a mechanical movement where you want to be precise and you want to get exactly [00:06:42] Jacob: Right there and you want to like hold on to it and put a bunch of pressure there and so it is um yeah it's funny because yoga is it gets pushed into kind of the same thing as uh you know we're working out like it is the same thing but it's very different obviously the Eastern roots of it you know the mental side of it you know the but we're not reading the Bhagavad Gita as we're going to oh that's a little different we get a little right our teacher will sprinkle some knowledge in there for us but you know we're in our own minds um for me so it was I kind of started doing yoga at home I started just following people on YouTube and doing yoga uh it just came across I was trying to just improve my mental health and I got really interested in meditation and stuff and man it was just something else I got obsessed with yoga at first just doing it at home for hours and hours and just stretching and being weird and just being I mean stoned out of my gourd and just stretching it was just life-changing it's pretty cool stuff um yeah in that sense it like it does [00:07:47] Jacob: Remind me of running like just easier on the body like less impact where it is like you know you go for a five or ten mile run like it's there's some mental stuff you're working out um and like yoga I think has that same thing but it's just it's you can kind of do it forever right like it's just so much easier on the body I think it's I think it's one of those things that like I'm always gonna like try to incorporate you know like through throughout the years because I think especially my aunt like she just has a really good way of like bringing those like you know those ideals in the you know Yogi World in like a digestible like healthy way like I always feel not only like a good workout but I feel like the weights kind of lifted off to off of me after I've taken her classes and do when you find like a good teacher in person I'm like such a people person like yoga at home like no I never really tried it because I know like I guess it would never really work for me like I need to like be that feel that energy of like the other people the teachers the [00:08:41] Jacob: Class like whatever that like living organism is like I love it same thing with the gym like I just people go in there even though everyone's doing their own thing like there's like this Collective community of like we're in here you know sweating trying to get better like I love it yeah you just said living organism like what a beautiful use of words I like that because it's cool to kind of um uh get in tune with the vibe of the whole atmosphere you know and a lot of times a good teacher can be the door opener the window opener for you know they can um relate all the knowledge of like I said the Bhagavad Gita and all this Eastern traditional stuff into the Western mind and what people in that very room might be going through I did um I did this yoga class A couple months ago I had some friends come with me on a Saturday and it was such a refreshing oh it was right after the uh some more income months ago right off the Will Smith slap thing at the Oscars he brought it up like at the beginning and I was like what a weird like I don't want to learn talk about pop culture [00:09:40] Jacob: Stuff right now it's just like let's do yoga but uh he related it to um this beautiful thing that kind of made me think throughout the whole class of like how do I do the same thing he's basically saying you know we saw the slap that's the release of the energy that's the anger like boom but what happened the months before that the weeks before that the days before that the hours before that like that's all building up within you and then at some moment someone else can have control of your energy and you walk up on stage and just release that energy and now your life is affected so he kind of like explained it in this way that the whole class I'm like man what what a nice little you know snowflake of information took place in my brain so I can think about my own life and how I do maybe those same things yeah what a great way to like tether because everyone watch that right like everyone saw it everyone talked about it you know we're all on the internet to some degree um so like what a cool way to like tether everyone together and like get a message out um using that like weird event that we [00:10:35] Jacob: All saw that's really cool actually yeah we're laying it back into something that everyone in the class can you know represent some part in their life or you know we all saw it so we can all understand the knowledge that's that could be in it if we look at it a little bit differently yeah I uh that's a I think yoga does that for me and like working out in general as I've gotten older too like living in the moment you know I spent a lot of time like spending time in the past or time in the future and like being like this I don't know like not [00:11:05] Will: ADHD but just like very East Coast you go type attitude and I think like a lot of those like yoga ideals um and just being in it has like and not just from yoga but from meditation and like other things has like kind of allowed me to like put that stuff away and like live more in the moment on a daily basis which I think has been huge for my Evolution and growth you know over the last few years more on like what you mean by more East Coast mindset and then kind of the different things that you have used to kind of get more in touch and present yeah so um I guess like I've really noticed this um my fiance uh from from the West Coast um and I've just noticed a lot like everyone's different right but I've noticed a lot of like just day-to-day simple things where I'm very hustle bustle um and she's very laid back and I think that's why hey why we're a good team um but I think like for me uh if it's channeled in the right way like my mentality of like you know for a long time as a key like I guess [00:12:12] Will: You know bear with me as I try to kind of figure out my thoughts here but [00:12:15] Jacob: Yeah so like I guess I like I spent time not enjoying the wins right like not you know again not living in the moment right like and I you know my parents kind of did this thing where it was like honestly it's so weird but my mom always talks about Will Smith and his mom on some late night show and this is back in the day like mid 90s late 90s and they like will got a 96 on a test uh Will Smith that is and like his mom would be like what happened to the four points and my parents kind of like adopted that same mentality of like oh great you got a 95 on a test but like you got five points off where are the five and I'm not saying that completely shaped me but it is definitely in my personality of like all right like let's learn from you know let's learn let's learn like how can we do better how can we achieve more how can we get closer to our goals yada yada um and I think what it did is it hindered me from like enjoying the wins living in the moment like so I think [00:13:15] Will: Part of the east coast of like you know it's never good enough more and more and more whereas the West goes by you know spending time in California whether it's work or talking to random people at a bar like there's you know every Town's different there's hustle and bustle fast-paced people you know in you know in Washington state right but as a whole if I'm making like a gross generality like there is a like let life come to you mentality on the west coast we're like oh man I'm 40 like I don't know what I want to do yet you're 25 years old bro you're talking to me at a bar like you know chill out you know and I was never able to like chill out and I think that's part of like why I've been successful why I've like achieved the things that I've wanted to achieve and I think part of that is like the geography I grew up in I kind of touched on like my parents a little bit as well um but I think there's an East Coast mentality of like you know even just driving on 95 like living an hour and a half from New York City like you like [00:14:15] Will: You gotta you gotta pull up or shut up [00:14:17] Jacob: Right like you gotta get out of the way get moving or get you know onto something else so I guess that's kind of [00:14:23] Will: Like my East Coast mentality or like what I think it is or um yeah I don't know yeah I think I could totally um I could totally see that makes a lot of sense uh just working I mean I'm from the West Coast I'm in Texas now but it's been less than two years but I also have done a good amount of traveling like my teenage years and through my 20s so I experienced different kinds of people and I feel like there is a difference in east and west coast people I mean there's a lot of uh what's the word generalities or um you know yeah I use that word too I wasn't sure if it was correct um it works yeah we got it we got it yeah but there is a it is cool it's very cool to see you know because I know Crystal very well I know your fiance very well so it's very cool to see someone she is very West Coast and you're very East Coast but you guys do get along I mean you just you just work so well together like yeah dude I mean like anyone we have we have our moments but we there is she's like she like [00:15:20] Will: Knowing her are living with her you know being in her you know orbit um definitely has like allowed me to enjoy the wins you know like she has like there's like a beauty in I don't want to say her like Simplicity but there's like there's she looks the world in like a very beautiful way and it's very nonchalant and low-key and just like [00:15:42] Jacob: Dude enjoy it like enjoy it you know um whereas and you know I enjoy my life more knowing her you know she's allowed me to be more full and whole um so yeah it's been a beautiful relationship wow that's beautiful well and you guys have also just recently had a child which I do want to talk about fatherhood but real quick yeah um I would like to just pin in so you're talking about your mindset being an East coaster like this achieve this um you know I'm gonna arrive somewhere someday or like I gotta I don't want to let the people in my family down or you know whatever it is all the things you've mentioned plus more if there's someone listening that like maybe they're stuck in that mindset and maybe they don't see how it's causing them harm or was there any moments where you maybe realize like man I gotta let more of this like relaxing thing in like I'm doing well I have achieved that's cool pat on the back but now it's okay to kind of enjoy what I've been achieving was there any sort of like that or so I don't think I did it in the moment um but like I don't know like I like [00:16:47] Jacob: You know like I guess like you know the first thing I think of is like I wanna I wanna stay championship in high school in the half mile and 800 meters and I remember winning and like my coaches or someone was going nuts on the sidelines and I kind of just like threw up this like nonchalant truck and it wasn't to like you know try to be cool which I you know like any teenage boy like tried to like be like I'm the man I don't care about it wasn't that it was like I couldn't I couldn't get the happiness you know I was worried about like the party I was going to later that weekend or like the argument I'd gone in with my parents the Night Before the Race and like I just like wasn't you know there's like it's so funny like the things that you you know for me at least like it's like it's movies and TV and podcasts and talking to people and events in your life but like I think of like the Kung Fu Panda and I think of like the Sensei he says like something to the effect of like if you know have a foot in the future and a foot in the past you're [00:17:44] Jacob: Like pissing on the present right and I that for whatever like I've heard it before you've heard it different things but for whatever reason like the Kung Fu Panda one like landed for me and I love cartoons um so yeah I think like that when I think about like my life like that's one where I look back and go wow that's like weird and then even like graduating college which doesn't seem like this amazing thing but I'm the first person for my family you know with my last name to you know graduate college like a four-year University like it's something to be proud of and it never like felt like that like it was just like all right cool like get a job you know and then it was a cool you got a job like you know okay you're off you're off Mom and Dad's like cell phone plan you know and it was just like these like I don't know and then it was like okay like you know you get you know move out with [00:18:29] Will: Your friends like get a place in Philly and you know party and enjoy yourself you know go out with girls you know go to Eagles games and then you know it's just kind of like no I don't want to say going through the motions but like just not being able to like live in the moment um so like to back to your original question of like to you know to someone that's doing that or living like that like you're you know the again like I don't want to talk in complete cliches but like we're kind of in that Avenue um like the destination is the journey right like all the stuff you're gonna like look back on and enjoy like sometimes it's like the mean potatoes of it right it's like how the sausage gets made it's like that's stuff along the way that minuscule insignificant stuff like that's the good stuff you know um so I think if you can kind of take that approach that like you know um I'm gonna like be present and like be here um and I think again you got to figure out for like yourself what it takes to be present right and sometimes it's as simple as like oh what [00:19:32] Will: You know what's causing me anxiety like oh it's the big test I have like well then study like don't procrastinate because you're not gonna be able to be here because you're you know your brain is what you haven't done yet or you know you lied to someone right like well that you know and again I think these are all like mistakes that I've made in my life like procrastinating on something or lying to someone and like you know lying yeah like helps me manipulate a situation or achieve some sort of you know some something I'm trying to do but like in this I it would ruin me for you know weeks depending on the severity of the situation so I think like living kind of like honest and true to yourself you know knowing who you are and like you know what those will like to do and like owning that you know I think that's probably the one of the most difficult things but if I'm like giving someone advice it's like you know thyself [00:20:19] Jacob: Right like learn what you like learn what makes you tick what you like to do and then you know own that and enjoy it um and I think that will allow someone to be a little less hustle bustle and success because ultimately you're driving towards something that you know might not bring you know everything you think it will you know and if you can stop and smell the roses a little bit and you know enjoy the hard work and the journey I think that's like where where true happiness and wholeness kind of Lies yeah man I think you hit it beautifully I think it did actually yeah it really is like this uh you said it well when you when you describe it being a journey you know it's not a destination it's not somewhere that you arrive it's there is you know actually as I was framing the question that I that I had you answer um I would I would like to point out it's not like I'm trying to say be less [00:21:10] Will: East Coast minded be more West Coast you know no because no I think part of my six yeah I think part of My Success is in that like it's never good enough like right you know what I mean like part like there's that internal drive to like and that's still there right but if I can like balance that with like oh man I kicked ass today or wow that was a great workout or you know what I mean and not necessarily in the past tense but like you know like just enjoying that hard work or that tough thing um it kind of allows you to enjoy the whole thing better and then that internal drive it's not like it's a negative thing it's you know part of my greatness in the sense yeah no I mean hard work is a great thing there's a lot of things that I have accomplished personally and a lot of things that I have um been able to experience in my life because I worked hard for it you know it's the ability to be present and enjoy what you have often does come on the back of hard work you know the you know it kind of reminds me a little bit the you [00:22:14] Will: Know the East Coast mentality we're kind of talking about here reminds me a little bit about stoicism of you know kind of uh you know pick up pick up your heavy Rock and get walking you know what I mean like um there is there's a lot of Acceptance in the east coast mindset that I think is important um not so a lot of and again I'm generalizing but a lot of the West Coast is kind of um how can I make this better this is the this is all I have now so I can make this better more comfortable more safe more blah and then East Coast is kind of um deal with how it is you know it's cold outside get to work in a lot of ways yeah and there's a there's love in both of those and I think as I've gotten older as I've um you know just met more people I kind of I kind of get the balance of both of both of those things you know we're calling it East Coast West Coast but you can call it all these to you know masculine energy feminine energy this or that you know it is kind of a balance of [00:23:10] Will: Um I don't think any one of us or any uh Coast has it all figured out I think it's just certainly not you know finding that balance of achievement but enjoying what you've worked for you know being being here but also having a little foresight of what you could be like be a better version of yourself but love yourself yeah and I think you made a really I think important distinction or point that I was you know grasping for which is like that west coast of like you know you're almost able to like see things for what they are versus like this is how they are and I think sometimes that West Coast like you know kind of bigger picture laid backness it allows people or you know situations to like they can you can kind of see how to fix them or see how to like make them better versus like the East Coast like just deal with it you know what I mean it's freezing outside like you know trudge along to work um and I think that's that's an important thing that like Crystal just for example like I guess we're just using East Coast West Coast because it's like my It's My Life um and we're talking [00:24:12] Will: Um but yeah like she's kind of able to like see things from you know that view that like I can't because I'm like in it you know and she can kind of like from afar look at things and be like oh let me let me make this suggestion or let me like you know talk this talk this out in this way they're like I can't see because it's like go so well I mean it's a it's big of you to you know as you get older to kind of uh see where she can help you know there's a lot of like strong masculine traits that sometimes you gotta bend the need to I'm like okay I think I think maybe she does know best there's something for me to learn here and there's plenty for her to learn from you I'm sure you know that's yeah I mean we're a good team um you know when we're like in any relationship but when we're really communicating and there's no there's nothing holding us back and we're like just freely boom like we're good you know what I mean whether we're playing a board game or whether we're like you know trying to figure out how to like you know [00:25:10] Will: Um organize this thing or schedule this thing like when we're you know I make suggestions she gives me feedback like when we're not communicating well um is when we like you know we get into a little bit of trouble but we're good and you know talking out our thoughts and feelings we can kind of do whatever we want to do in a sense [00:25:28] Jacob: Yeah the two people together when they when they combine they create a third superhuman of sorts um yeah now you've actually created a superhuman child so uh dude how's being a dad how do you like it's good it's good I have found um I found patience that I didn't know I had you know um and I think it's uh I think it's you know every parent's like it's the greatest thing I've ever done like that whole that whole thing and there's a lot of Truth in that um the funny thing for me I guess is [00:25:59] Will: Like Crystal carries the baby right the woman carries the baby um and then they the baby's there and they kind of already have this connection um you know and I don't have that advantage of like you know growing the baby I'm just like they're supporting um and there's so many challenges and things that come your way that like everyone in the world can try to talk to you but like you kind of just have to do it like I feel if we ever had another kid like I feel so much more prepared I know so much and like I kind of can't like I'm gonna guess the first of like my really close friends to have a kid and you know people they always say like you know people want other people to have kids because it's like oh you know join the club have a kid like their kids like I don't I just want to like be there for my friends because like I feel like I know a lot and I have a lot to offer so like I want like one of my friends to have a kid just so I can be like dude I got what call me at 3am I got you like [00:26:56] Will: I'll come over I'll show you whatever you need um but back to like for me and it you know my daughter um Bennett like and maybe it's the same with the sun too I don't know but like our relationship grows like every day [00:27:12] Jacob: Right um it kind of feels like a like a romantic relationship in that sense where it's like we're like building this thing um because we didn't we didn't know each other before you know and [00:27:25] Will: Neither did Crystal she's inside her belly but there's something there's something there and for me like I like any you know any father first time father like freaking out like you know in all the ways um but I feel like we're like you know we have a bad day or a bad few hours and you know I you know she's crying or upset and she's not laughing at me like we're no and then the next day isn't a great day right or we have two bad days in a row and then she doesn't sleep the entire night like it's cultivating this like you know we're building this relationship together it reminds me a lot of like a romantic relationship um it's very interesting now yeah love is definitely you know we think [00:28:06] Will: Yeah love is again another thing you don't arrive at it's something that's cultivated you know it's something just learned about every day and it's something that's um um it's fragile too you know because some days like when it's frustrating I'm sure if you have a couple bad days in a row and like other things maybe work isn't going right maybe there's an argument like it's like man I can't even access that love that I was just drowning in yesterday you know yeah we're in like patience right it's like sometimes like a couple different times you know I'm the oldest of four kids and my sister's seven years younger my brother's eight years younger than my youngest brother is 13 years younger so I have experience with like changing diapers and babysitting but like not like a true infant um or a true baby that's you know there's this is your baby this is your reality this is your life you know um so you yeah like you know you're working your butt off you get home from work and you know there's no there's no relief um of like oh I have some me time like it's your family time which you eventually kind of morph that into your own me time right [00:29:09] Will: Um but there's been moments where you're like okay like I need to put the baby down and I need to like run to the bathroom and like take 30 seconds to 60 seconds and like collect my patience because I feel them you know Getting Thinner and thinner um or like the babies around and like [00:29:25] Will: Having a discussion with Crystal and it's like she's not you know being receptive or she's not you know I'm being a jerk whatever the situation is and then like you know voices are elevated and it's like yo like that's not that's not the environment we're trying to you know what I mean and it's just like you kind of have to like it's a humbling you know check yourself experience uh where you're like who you know who is the man that I am and growing into and you know who do I who do I want my daughter you know to see and feel because like you realize very quickly that they will they will take as like you know as much as you know you kind of vibe off of them they are Reviving off of you from from pretty early on you know um I felt like this sense of like maybe not intuition but just like this little like sponge like a couple weeks in where it was like oh like you know and then like you're you know like simply as like rocking them to sleep like I felt like so my thing with with Benny is like I would like have her in my arms and then I would close my [00:30:26] Will: Eyes and I kind of knew what she wanted but then I would like whatever felt like very like you know um like lethargic and sleepy to me like that would like and then I started thinking about like my fingertips and my hands as like these like you know a way to like give my love to her which like again it's like crazy um but just like these different like mental tricks you kind of do and then when I'm doing that or I'm like all [00:30:52] Jacob: Right like I really need to go to sleep but like I'm stressed like I'm like when you're in that zone like that it just for me it like never led to like her actually going to bed in a timely manner like what worked was like all right like my fingers and hands are like vessels of like love and support and sleep and dreams and like yeah I don't know like that's like that was like helped me like forget the frustration or forget the tough hour we just had and it was just like I'm here for you need to go to bed I love you you need some sleep you're well fed your diapers changed we left we loved we cried like we did it all we'll do it all tomorrow you know what yeah what a beautiful way to create like a present story for your child you know like if there is some sort of magical way in which um they're sharing in your you know thoughts or like whatever you're kind of seeing as you close your eyes and you're saying your own fingertips become this like warm embracing like flowing wave of sorts you know uh yeah it is well so that is uh that is one [00:31:56] Jacob: Of the beautiful things about love in general you know certainly when it comes to a child but even you know at times when um you know just a romantic relationship when you love someone or even just a relationship I suppose is your peripheral edges expand you know who we are in the edges of our body you know we think we're you know some something inside this meat sack inside this body and our edges are you know our the edge of our legs and our arms and our feet and our hands and our head and whatever um but just as if as when we are driving in a vehicle we kind of expand that now we know where the front bumper is we know where the back bumper is we know the headlights are we know if we get close to anything with those you know now multiple feet of distance around us um it's going to cause damage so you protect those things you don't want to hit anything with those and you do kind of the same thing um when you let when you let someone you love into your peripheral of who you think yourself to be you kind of combine with them you kind of um you're now uh [00:32:57] Will: Uh you know intertwined with that being in the edges of who you think yourself to be are now expanded into that other person so um yeah I'm rambling about uh just kind of the way no absorb as well one yeah and it's you are like I like the car example a lot because like you ride around in the car as a family right so like your car Your Vessel is not exactly yours anymore right like I kept saying like yeah like my life not in a negative way but like my life's no longer mine like I live my life I still have me and I still want to do things but like There's a greater good that like Crystal and I are both working on and like you know it's for Benny now right so like the car example I kind of love because like when we're a family unit in the car like there feels like a like a specialness on a vehicle to love yeah [00:33:47] Jacob: Yeah it's not just getting to the store you know to the party or like to my parents house or whatever it's like it's we're out in the world um it is weird how like having a kid kind of like expands your like your love you know in general you know like and I think for me personally it's you know and again maybe [00:34:09] Will: It's back to that East Coast thing but like I found patients I didn't have like I'm loving you know the neighbor's dog a little bit more like I'm able to like look at a stranger in like a different way like this stranger was like a helpless little baby at one point you know what I mean um so like to kind of thinking about things like that um and you know it's raising kids you know it's not it's not the hardest thing in the world but it's like you know it can be tough and yeah you know people screw up um so like kind of like having like a just bigger softer side for like humanity and community and like I'm so much more mentally thinking about like my community because now I have a daughter and I don't know exactly what that is it's probably pretty simple but um yeah I'm like thinking about like you know the other people more and you know what are we doing you know that kind of collective um which is kind of we touched on that with like yoga and the gym and like that Collective Consciousness um which I knew existed but I you know was kind of doing me and now doing me [00:35:20] Will: Involves like protecting and loving and like serving this beautiful little baby um so like thinking more about like what what I can do for you know my fellow man um you know to help my daughter in the future or whatever that is I don't know I haven't totally figured that out no yeah no that is that is a good perspective because we are kind of contributing you know the collective unconscious is made up of us you know we are a piece of it we're a certain little percentage of that pie and it also is a little bit of that planting planting seeds of trees not for you to sit in the shade but for your grandchildren to sit in the shade of you know that I don't know if you've heard that um yeah for sure before but it is sort of you're I'm sure there's a natural you know you can pretend that you don't notice it but if you if you have just the ability to kind of think ahead a little bit you can visualize oh if there's no nice friendly world uh that's being created in the future then what is my daughter gonna live in you know so you kind of want to see the [00:36:24] Will: Community and the you know even just the civilization that you're raising your daughter to be a part of you want to do good for that too so I could see how that's a kind of a reoccurring good cycle of caring about one another [00:36:37] Jacob: Yeah and it feels like I and I don't think this is the case as a whole but like I feel more of a sense of community with her birth but it and I think people think the way that I do in that like sense of you know goodness um it just in the world with today like I think there's there's far less people like controlling this Narrative of like we're all split and everything's screwed up and like I think there's more of so many more people that are you know thinking the way that we think or that like you know I think there's a lot more goodness than like social media and television media and like I think there's so much more goodness and sweetness in the world than like hate um so like even though it feels like the narrative is like you know more split and hateful I don't know if it's me just having a baby and like being you know more full of love but I do believe that there's so much more goodness than hate um today yeah I think so too man I mean uh me you [00:37:47] Will: And Crystal when you guys were in Austin a while back we had a wonderful discussion on this like kind of this the the state of the world and kind of How It's painted and we talked about the media and stuff and yeah you're [00:37:57] Jacob: Right I think uh a lot of the podcasts and YouTube stuff that I listen to let's you know some of the books I read kind of kind of helped me understand a lot of this you know a lot of our more nihilistic negative thinking or like kind of thinking wow the world looks like it's on fire or something lately it's kind of the people who control the lens we're looking through the people who can are in control of um not only lens but the picture frame or the frame of the lens that's that's being held in the lens they're they're pointing at these things that want to keep us online they want us to watch them they want us to talk about them they want they rise quickly to the top of our discussions and they rise quickly to the top of the things that we debate about and we argue about in this like war-like way of speaking um because it's seemingly the most important it's the same thing when you're driving and you see a wreck it's like what you can't look away you just you want to see what's going on it's it's a threat that may be happening it's tapping into our evolutionary biology and kind of gaming us but the [00:38:55] Jacob: Truth is there's a lot of beauty as well um you know even though these are the things that social media and the news and our you know media in general is kind of putting a ends on for us to see it's not the only truth there's a lot of beauty and there's I think living in our Modern Age is kind of an act of um of remembering that and not being too caught up with this damn thing you know not looking for this window but looking through this window here like of life you know what's right in front of you heard about this game the other day where um you go to dinner with your friends or whomever your family and the first one to touch their phone has to pay the tax um yeah and I haven't played it yet but it's something that I'd like to propose at some point you know so long as people aren't working and it's not like going to affect everyone I'd like to I'd like to kind of you know throw that on people as we sit down and order the appetizers like see if people are down for it um because I think like you just said there's so much value and like you know [00:39:54] Jacob: Tuning out right yeah no that's exactly focusing on what's right here and it's distracting I mean your whole conversation with your friends at dinner could be about one Facebook post that like while we're waiting for them to bring water we're all kind of looking at our phones and it's like man Hillary Clinton just did this that's some **** and he talked about for 45 minutes right as opposed to like just let it organically kind of develop and I guess you know that is part of our Organics now like we're tied to these things um but I don't know I wanna I wanna play that game and see what happens you know see how uncomfortable people are like and I'd like to like do more of that I'm on my phone a good amount for work um but I and you know at night time here and there but you know raising a daughter like it's also had me like you know kind of change like who I want to be you know what I mean like I don't want you know it's impossible she's gonna like realize what a phone is and she's already like if we're on them or doing something like she reaches for it and grabs it but [00:40:55] Will: Um having a child's been like really good for me because it's like forced me to like look at myself um in like a whole new light um but especially the phone thing because it's you know and as like you know raising a young girl like it's it's scary out there I mean I love the internet like I always make the joke but like the internet is undefeated you know like I see something on the Internet and I have crystals saying it now like she's like the internet's on the feed man she'll show me some hysterical video um but there's a good time and place for it like which we've lost like that Cadence for the cell phone because it's in your pocket it's next to your bed it's you know it is all day every day um and I think that there's got to be or I'd like to kind of um dive in personally into like what what my Cadence will be with my phone um and same thing with my with my daughter you know I want her in the outside world like you know mixing it up with the people and not stuck to this digital version of uh you know what life is you know through that lens you know [00:41:59] Jacob: Yeah I mean yeah it's man I wonder about that a lot like um just one day if I have children um I mean right now it seems so it seems so easy like no phones I'm not giving them phones till they're 16 or something you know but what an impossible task and now you know I'm sure plenty of people said that same thing and I mean it's gamed it's completely made for our psychology to love man it's bright yeah colors it's it's amazing in every way um so yeah it's definitely probably something I can imagine it would probably take up a good amount of your thought I mean I think I wouldn't mind just thinking how am I gonna you know make sure my child is aware of this they know how to use it very well because they're going to be living in a world where it's important to know your way around technology for sure um but also you know it's a tool that you use and how do you make sure it doesn't use you that's something that I think some you know people our age and and a little bit younger are definitely dealing with you know we had social media in our phones and stuff [00:43:02] Jacob: When we were in teens or late teens so we're kind of able to look at life without it and life with it and see how much it affects us and who we are with it and without it and hopefully teach other people and like you know like I remember being an adult you know before Instagram right so like all those like rewards and I'm not I'm just using Instagram to like give us a time frame here but like they've only recently in the last I don't know however many years fine-tuned that addictiveness and that reward system right so like when we first had smartphones like they didn't know how to completely Captivate Us maybe from like an ergonomic standpoint and a user and like you know obviously they were taking data to figure out how to make them better and smarter and faster and you know more more user-friendly uh but like we're in this age of like how do we keep the masses eyeballs glued to this thing at all times you know um which like that sort of like money um and effort into that like that's where it's really kind of started to like scare me and I like my plan like as [00:44:13] Jacob: A as a gross plan for the future like I you know I want my daughter to be 13 years old realistically before she has a cell phone now maybe I cave at 11 or 12 because she's playing sports she's in middle school you know she needs to be able to reach out to us but you know obviously you know there's restrictions or you know uh I need to know who you're texting you can't just text and call anybody like these numbers need to be on approved list like oh I made a new friend okay great what's their phone number who are their parents like I don't want to be a helicopter painter like yeah you have to let your kid like you know scrape their knees and stuff but I will be diligent when it comes to technology um just because I think it's the future it's unavoidable um like you said you know anyone growing up today needs to know how to how to operate in this world um but it's definitely a scary one I mean we're you know we're seeing you know massive depression and you know there's just a lot of negative side effects because like you know we're not it doesn't seem like we're supposed to live [00:45:15] Jacob: In these you know giant PODS of cities where like be as connected as we are to people across the world it's it's a wild time man yeah no it's something very new in the human civilization of the human species it's something completely obtuse compared to what we've ever experienced before I mean think about the 2007 was when the iPhone came out and the world is completely changed in every direction and way and uh we're we as consumers are like hardly able to understand it and the people who are at the you know Helms of the ship you know a lot of times we think like oh everyone who's at the core of these is they're evil and they're all like I don't think they understand it they're just following their quota they're just letting capitalism just completely take them away with next upgrade more get more eyes on it more product activity from us means more eyes on our devices yes that's good we don't we don't stop and think about the whole thing right like how many of those high-ranking officials or Executives like actually understand the algorithm right like you know what I mean it's maybe a handful of people like most of them are like Plug and Play like this is [00:46:21] Jacob: This is what the Netflix algorithm says so you know your show's on the home page your show's not you know what I mean it's like we're kind of becoming slaves to like this AI algorithm cool and it's a new area of um you know human I don't know but propaganda I guess is is a way because it's that they're now in control of things that they almost didn't want to be in control of they are affecting humans in the way that we the way that our culture runs in ways that they didn't plan on it's like well that's just kind of like a whoops didn't mean to see that like right you know they discover I'm sure you've heard arguments about um you know this AI doesn't favor uh people of African-American descent because blah blah it's like because this complicated thing just doesn't see the darkness in their skin pigment versus it's this complicated Pandora's Box is a great word for it is we're experiencing we did all these things and we're like next next but there's a lot of little doors that are being opened that we have to deal with that are affecting our Consciousness our Collective Consciousness and us as individuals and how we um you know form in groups and [00:47:31] Jacob: How we react together in tribalistic ways again it's gaming our biology there's just a lot of things that are that we're dealing with as a species that nobody really made a plan for and so it is up to us with Elegance to try to you know enjoy it but not be too caught up in it you know not really indulge yeah and I think that's like the happy medium right like there's that there's that sweet spot of like all right I'm gonna use this as a tool I'm gonna laugh at it but I'm going to be able to like put it away um and be a normal human because like I don't biologically we're not like we're not built for this you know yeah we're not we haven't evolved to be here like things are moving really quickly um did that kind of remind me of did you hear about that AI rapper That's crazy dude okay so I also uh oh yeah we'll go ahead and explain this AI rabbit for some reason okay so correct me I don't know too much but my understanding is an AI rapper was created got signed to a record label in some you know some like some like I use [00:48:37] Jacob: Record label I don't know if that's you know musically like still what's happening but got signed got a deal and then I guess the creation of the Avatar of this rapper is black you know again I don't know too much but like I guess started using like you know the n-word you know racial stuff and then proceeded to get canceled yeah and to me it's like I you know I don't mean to laugh anyone's upset or offended but it's just hilarious like AI rapper Avatar creation record deal cancel like yeah like how we like this is a rabbit hole that like yeah I guess object is funny you know it held up this big mirror that we didn't want to look at it got weird really fast so basically what you do when uh when will said they created an AI uh rapper basically what they do is they have an AI they have an algorithm that you train you show it you know a hundred or a thousand or a hundred thousand different songs and you say make me a song or whatever it is so they have this database of different things that it's pulling from I haven't looked into it enough to know like how they pull information for its quote-unquote [00:49:49] Will: Personality like how it gets to the point where it has an avatar it creates that doesn't identify with those things and that's why it's saying the n-word um but I will say something very interesting I'm very front row seat for this whole AI rapper thing yeah I figured because rap is man rap and hip-hop as a culture is interesting to put to try to calculate with computers and numbers because you know think about like kind of the dis and the respect and the um there's different sides of hip-hop that are very deeply intertwined with culture that I don't know that you can in ones and zeros explain very well because there is like right now I could in a very respectful two hip-hop way write a diss song against Kendrick Lamar like I'm a nobody so it's going to go unnoticed but if I was you know say Mac Miller or we've heard these dis songs before between these rappers it's very personal but also very on the surface and it uses this language of hip-hop that goes through the culture that everybody listens to and respects it I don't know it gets very complicated um Danny Brown the rapper if you've heard of him he actually has he I haven't listened to it [00:51:00] Jacob: Yet but he just came out to this song against this AI and so that's genius like what like is the AI going to come back at him is he going to clap back is it going to get is it gonna get weird like yeah I hope so just to see the theater of it um I love Danny Brown by the way the um have you heard his new podcast so yeah I'm not like not like every episode but I've heard bits and pieces um I love Tom Segura too so like you know I listen to like a lot of his stuff but that's kind of how I heard about the Danny Brown podcast but um dude I've been on Danny Brown for years like that weird show he had on viceland like he's a the way his brain works is super duperative interesting I love it yeah and his like his experience is a wild one like some of the stories he has like he's a he's a wild man yeah I really like that he has not only his own show but I mean I liked him he was on Joey Diaz's podcast and he's been on um your mom's house with Tom Sakura and Christina P he's been on [00:52:03] Jacob: There a couple times too and he's just someone man whatever he's saying you're listening to because his way of sharing his stories is just so honest he's yeah like he's he as he's explaining this **** he's realizing that he was he was completely a terrible person in this story yes but yes he's like I don't know man **** it like he just he just comes to terms with it and moves on you know his perspective is awesome he also I think has one of my favorite laughs like of all time dude like he's he's good he's good yeah man I was so like that's like I'm a huge podcast dude you know I mean I'm in my car for work I'm driving around I'm visiting people so uh and I'll do the radio thing I'll do Sports I'll do music or like serious or whatever but like I'm a junkie for the comedians um podcast just because like I don't know um there's you know the free form conversation for hours where you can really get to know someone like that you can kind of become a fan of them and you know um like really like learning how people think and feel I think uh I think [00:53:05] Will: Podcasts have at least for me in the last like 10 years like become a big part of like my um consumption of uh entertainment um for sure yeah man I've I'm in the same boat I've become such a huge podcaster just in the sense of I listen to podcasts all day like I listen to yeah I'm always just listening to podcasts it's I don't know what what other people listen to they just listen to the radio and stuff what yeah I mean I guess like music like Spotify you know which I do I'm like what do you think music 2006 of you um dude I'm just trying to drive home from work yeah it's the anniversary of Mac Miller's death I'm trying to honor him too by listening to some albums right like what the **** I think that was yesterday dude so I um I think it was yes I'm not 100 on that um I just saw a post um and that was like enough for me so dude I didn't realize I kind of had an I love Mac Miller [00:54:06] Will: Um so I moved I moved to Florida in I moved to Fort Lauderdale uh from Philadelphia in like 2015 I think and took a job it was great for my career kind of like I needed to do it I also like personally just called through bad breakup and it was just like I needed to to get a hold of myself so I moved on to Fort Lauderdale and dude the divine feminine came out and I fell in love with that album and I had always been a fan of Mac a little bit but it was like me being an idiot from South Jersey Philadelphia I was like oh Pittsburgh you know like **** the Penguins right like just like stupid sports stuff but I like I knew kids was good and I knew that he was pretty good and then my little brother was like yo this dude is the real deal um so I bought my brother like tickets to see him um in Atlantic City uh at like the House of Blues like for his birthday or Christmas or something uh and I didn't even remember this my brother reminded me of it but anyway so I fell in love with the Divine Feminine and then it was like dude Massachusetts [00:55:12] Will: No he took he took a friend but I've seen Mac I've seen Mac a handful of times and um but yeah uh dude you know what's funny like I got so drunk at one show it was at Festival beer in Philadelphia like I saw him but I didn't see him like I don't have any memories of it because I was a young 20 year old kid blasted yeah and it's just like I know I saw him I swear to God I saw him but like you know it's like you know what song is it physically there that's all I remember yeah I was just like we connected however I don't even share a single thread of the memory um but anyway I fell in love with that album and I was like wow this guy's doing like a lot musically um that I like am in awe of um and then you know swimming comes out and I'm like absolutely floored but so he passes you know all the celebrity deaths that like have happened and dude I've been saying for years that like so many people are famous now because like 50 years ago there was three movie stars and now there's so many famous people that like we're gonna have dead famous [00:56:16] Will: People every day in 20 30 years it's gonna get crazy in that in that way but him and Robin Williams are the ones that like really messed me up because I was just such a true fan of those two um and in very different ways but like I love everything a lot of the things that Robin Williams did as well but so that floored me when he passed and then circles came out and I had like this like he didn't do it you know like this isn't right you know there's something wrong about this and then I caught uh you know maybe like almost maybe a year went by um and I didn't like I had heard bits and pieces but I didn't like listen to it straight through like I would other Mac Miller albums and then I heard a piece that I really liked was like whoa this is sick and then I kind of looked into it and I read like in a vulture article about I forget his name but the guy that finished it for him and kind of like his you know how look how he put the pieces together Max family [00:57:13] Jacob: Yeah I forgot the guy's name um but this guy's like one of those like musical Geniuses um man I wish I could remember his name I can look it up if you want me to or whatever yeah but it was a it was like a uh well we should get this guy's name just so we can just so we can put it out there um throw it in later yeah but um so anyway he like Matt comes up to him at a party and he goes he says and I guess like it's all in this vulture article which is an amazing read um the something to the effect of like Max said like oh man I didn't even know if you would like if you would consider what I do music and then have you'll like this so then the guy this guy is a genius like we have to figure out his name but I and I will in a second but he says to Mac like do you know what the Webster definition of music is and Mac was like nah and this guy's and again I'm butchering this and I apologize but he says it's like it's like it's like four words if the Webster the definition of music is like a [00:58:17] Jacob: Collection of sounds I'm pretty sure it's something to that effect right like a collection of sounds is what the definition of music is he's like dude so like when you think about the Simplicity of that there's like endless possibilities and Beauty in that definition so like what you do bro is it's more than music so that's how that was their first meeting um I'll pull this guy's name up but um anyway so I like just had this aversion to circles and I read this article and I was like all right and then I just I just listened to that album start to finish and was floored um and he talks about them yeah it's dude it's really good um and he talks about like these are the songs because he talks about how they work together and Matt just did I guess he didn't have the he didn't have the um like the know-how of like hey I want this to be more Bassy I want this to be more echoey like whatever you know and I'm I don't have a musical bone I just know what I like but he like he didn't know how to like do it you know um and this guy did so Mac would like [00:59:19] Will: Say I want this to sound more like this and the guy would like oh so like do this and this and he kind of taught Mac how to produce and edit and whatever that world is um so he explains he goes through the album and says like I didn't touch these six songs these four I just did what I thought Mac would want you know he's like so I **** around with these four not like a lot but he said he tried to do as little as possible so when I read this article about like this guy's love for Mac Miller his dedication to him um and how his family kind of reached out and asked him to finish um and I guess my understanding is it was like swimming in circles and then there was supposed to be one more album after um yeah which is really heartbreaking but it's just funny how you know you I'm not married to any idea that I have like I've kind of you know old enough and smart enough to know that I'm not you know I'm not married to any like ideas like I'm willing to change and think and evolve um but I like had this like this love for this guy and [01:00:22] Jacob: Then this like as just a pure fan and then this like aversion to like someone finishing his work because it's not his and I thought I was taking this like altruistic stand for like my fandom for mac and like him and then like I read this article and I'm like Lord and then anyway so last night I like played I saw a post that it was like the anniversary and I was like uh circles boom start to finish I was like cooking dinner and baby was asleep and just like rocked Out the album and it was awesome oh it brings you somewhere too so yeah I didn't realize it was uh that close to the date of death uh anniversary I'm gonna have to listen to some mac later today too uh yeah I'm no I know it was September um I'm not sure exactly shocked me it's probably been many years by now it's because I still remember that was definitely it's so interesting that you say mac and Robin Williams Because those are definitely two of my top that when they died it affected my day my week my um well because we have this thing you know back to what you said about how many you know famous people there are [01:01:22] Will: You know basically how many people outside of your immediately family family friends co-workers acquaintances that you know and you know kind of love in a weird way there's a little bit of a warship but an appreciation you know when it comes to famous people that you're a fan of yeah um and now we have the internet where we're connected to these people in more ways than we ever have it's not that we just see Taylor Swift's album once every two years we get to see her make it we get to see her break down about it we get to see her talk about it for hours on a documentary afterwards we get to see her tweet every day about how she's frustrated with it or she had a bad hair day and now we relate to her more like we're more connected with these you know famous people or artists than we ever were and so when it's a loss it really is a loss I mean that's like yeah it's something different than it was and it's like there's it's kind of funny the way that there's like there's no like mysteriousness to like Stars anymore um all right so real quick the guy his name's John Brion b-r-i-o-n [01:02:29] Will: Um yeah if you just like vulture Mac Miller circles John Brion it's a it's a decent article yeah it's just kind of like like the confidence that it was done in the right way to like listen to it but um there's no like there's no mysteriousness when it comes to like your celebrities or your Stars anymore just because we're like we're living with these people 24 7. you follow them on Instagram you see what they have for breakfast like I like I don't want to be like the old guy that's like oh I missed the days when like it's really cool to be able to like the access to these people and to know what's going on like it's really cool but there is something lost in the mysteriousness I think um who's the uh like the amazing actor that played Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York um Daniel Day-Lewis okay Dan de Louis like that dude I'm guessing doesn't have an Instagram right and he's probably like you know that dude he like he's like a shoe cobbler in like Italy in the off season and I don't know exactly but seriously there's no there's not many guys like that anymore because they're like you're never gonna get your [01:03:43] Jacob: Music out there if you don't have an Instagram right you're never going to be able to like you know you're just never gonna make it like you have to like give so much of yourself um and I you know I not that I feel bad because I think it's like you're doing it for money and all the things that you want and you know success and you know you want to get your music out there or your movies out there you're acting uh but it's I'm not sure it's worth it you know in a lot of like anonymity is for me like Priceless um you know like uh yeah like rich and Anonymous versus rich and you know famous like all day every day for real you dude I think about that a lot um and I've had people on that have changed my perspective of even how I do it because I'm a very um I post a lot on social media all the time um I've always been someone who like keeps up to date I share my opinion I like living out loud as um you know I'm an artist a Creator a poet so like here's my opinion maybe it's different than yours [01:04:47] Jacob: Um and you know I think about I've had a guest who talks about how he would hate to be that exposed all the time like like trying not only to explain yourself but then also trying to control what people think about you so they don't get the wrong idea and okay I did share that moment when I was feeling that way but that doesn't represent who I am and you're kind of like shaping your avatar to other people and making sure your your masks are um you know uh in a way that is presentable that doesn't get you know kicked out of the hierarchy hierarchical group hard words to say out of the hierarchy you know because uh yeah for sure exposing yourselves gives you more opportunities to um be ostracized for being different um for people to misunderstand or misinterpret who the thing you're putting out or who you think who they think you think you are um and it gets very yeah exposed is a word that I had a podcast guest use and sometimes I think about that a lot I'm like man do I really want to be um uh out here being so vulnerable like why don't I just shut up and kind of share only the certain little aspects [01:06:00] Jacob: That are gonna reach fulfillment in this way or I'll you know I'll arrive somehow some way you know whatever yeah I mean I again I know you a little bit um so but like I would think that if someone watches you for uh a small amount of time I think they would think that you're coming from a pretty good place of like love and acceptance you know like that's when I think of you I think of you know honesty love acceptance you know whether it's your rapping or your you know some posts that you've you know taken the time to write like I don't know I don't think and you know I don't know you behind closed doors in that sense but like I don't think that you need to be worried about being exposed because I think you're you know you're pretty true you know yeah well thank you I appreciate you for saying that too um and I think it does rain true I think a lot of my uh a lot of the magic these days the last few years especially is my like I'm genuinely trying to live honestly like I'm trying to live openly in with truth and um kind of just stumble through life out loud in a lot [01:07:07] Jacob: Of ways with this kind of stuff like the podcast is you know it's everything I want it to be and it's about the guess but it's also very um and so it's a lens to me too you know you're getting whatever I'm going through and it's kind of my blog in a lot of ways so um yeah but is it something I struggle with I think I go through phases of wanting to close down and um you know because sometimes other people's outside energy can throw off what you're doing I think there is some sort of you know if there's if there is somebody that's out there watching me not wishing the best for me like I think maybe their intentions might have some sort of effect in some ways if I'm not if I'm not careful or maybe I can be um influenced in certain ways that um I didn't really want to be or something I don't know yeah no I think I think that could be exhausting you know um but I you know I don't think that maybe it's an impossible ask but like maybe like not letting not letting that you know those voodoo doll thoughts you know for somebody you know somebody that doesn't have good feelings towards you [01:08:12] Jacob: Or thoughts or wishes like that you know that can't don't you know it's easier said done but I think that you can you know not rise above but you can you know like take you know that's fine that's fine let it let it happen because you know like that's yeah exactly um you know yeah you can't get 95 good comments you get one that says like you suck and you're like man I suck it's just yeah right well and that's the thing is like yeah reading 95 good comments is amazing but like it just takes one shitty comment to like to like you know mess you up so then like you know I think the solution there is just like no comments like again like you know you're growing you're trying to interact with fans you're like wanting to see like you're wanting to see constructive criticism um but you have to like I guess you I guess you have to like look at it through a lens of like you know not taking it personally and just like looking at it from but again you don't know these people or you don't know where they're coming from um I guess you probably if I'm you like maybe you're like getting asking more [01:09:22] Jacob: People that you whose opinion you respect and love to watch and comment you know like you send me you send something to me and your will you'll watch this when you can you know um and tell me what you think you know and at least you know like my you know I'm in sort of impartial and you know my my critiques or my suggestions you know come with wrapped in love you know wrapped in like you know wanting you know the best for you right um and you know we know each other enough we didn't grow up together so like you can kind you know you can kind of be in my head as I write this critique or these suggestions or tell you what I like or don't like and at least maybe that way it's not like this nameless faceless comment it's like a comment wrapped in you know friendship yeah I feel like that's a good um note to any sort of artist or anybody creating anything or sharing anything is um not all not all opinions are not that not all opinions aren't valid like you know anybody's opinion has validity but there's only certain people he should allow the validity in to your [01:10:25] Jacob: Actual art like it's if it's someone you love and care about or somebody you ask personally or someone um that you generally respect their opinion but if it's someone you don't even know it's some random like Reddit Troll and they have like a Ferrari as their DP like you know yeah Ford guy 58 69 you know like you don't have to take in his what he says the same way that like your loving best friend just told you know so there's a difference and it is it is an act of kind of glancing that stuff off I think that um the more time passes the more I am admittedly pretty unfazed by a lot of good comments and bad you know I try to yeah I struggle with sometimes I'm like okay listen to what they're saying like let the love in you like they're giving you appreciative um you know uh Praise of some sorts cool appreciate that cool feel that and then you know let that go and in the same sense I do that with any sort of you know negativity or anything that somebody's um if they're disliking what I'm doing I okay let's take it in for a [01:11:25] Jacob: Second and then I'm gonna let it go because you don't want to like you don't want to punish the ego but you also don't want to stroke the ego too much you know yeah I always appreciate the people that like give me that like that you know that thing I don't want to hear you know you have a couple people hopefully in your corner that like tell you know tell you the things that you don't want to hear you but you need to hear right um and then you like you kind of at least I start to like bucket people whether it's like colleagues at work like I like one bucket I have which I think a lot of people like positive people are like they'll never give you any criticism it's just like great job great job I bucket them in like the mom column where like no matter what you do your mom's like great job funny you nailed it um and I think people just default to like and I appreciate that positivity but like I'm not I'm not getting better if you tell me I do great every time right so it's how can I you know so then when I do find someone that like you [01:12:19] Jacob: Know kind of gets up my ass or tells me [01:12:21] Will: What's going on like Crystal for instance like part of the reason that we fell in love and we get along so I was like she doesn't she doesn't sugarcoat **** like she gives it to me um but actually my boss at work right now is like one of those people where like I am in awe of her ability to like get **** done and the family that she's raising and she's just a badass lady um but on top of that like she kind of like she doesn't hold back and I think she knows I can take it and she has high expectations for me so um you know uh and I you know yeah I have a couple people but I think those are those are important people to identify and then and bucket them and then like hold them close because they'll make you better yeah [01:13:02] Jacob: Right being able to allow that in you know I think there's a lot of uh fragility that I had to grow out of out of like not even allowing anybody to criticize me or critique what I'm doing like no I know best or there's even a side of me um that on my artistic side where I'm like you just don't understand what I'm trying to portray here I'm too much yeah you're too much of a genius for yours some **** yeah but um you know allowing those opinions in and looking at like dude someone else with a different perspective offering you um you know their lens or their view on something that you're doing that you could possibly be then better at afterwards than allow that in that's a gift man that's a good thing criticism for sure and um critique and you know just someone who is close enough to you to offer that's something that not a lot of people have or they have boundaries up against so no nobody's ever people are too afraid to say things to them in a lot of ways and that's not the spot you want to be in yeah I get um sometimes I like will cross a line too [01:14:03] Jacob: Quickly too soon with someone but like and it's not like this um it's not something I've kind of thought about it's just kind of the way I operate where if I like if I say something inappropriate or I get a little silly or I bring up a you know taboo subject like I'm kind of like skipping the small the small talk to get like to get to like some good juicy stuff right and it's like putting effort something yeah you've kind of experienced that where like I'll you know I'll hop skip you know and jump like too many spaces and I'll have to backtrack and be like Oh my hey I hope you hope I didn't make you feel any anyway but like I think people that know me are getting to know me they realize that it's like you know I just don't want to do like the small talk I want to get to know you I want to know how you feel about you know important stuff um and also it gets like a good conversation that can like keep my interest going um right but you know I don't know I think too I think often these days where we are living a little bit with our foot [01:15:00] Jacob: In our mouth you know and I think and I don't like that and I think I think we should we should say what we want to say and be unafraid and not yeah I think I think it's a bit dangerous in a place of um such beautiful freedom and Free Speech you know and then um I know you say the word Free Speech now it suddenly becomes this like conservative thing Suddenly It's like in this weird area of conversation I don't mean it to be that but um the uh I think there's something about speaking freely being yourself asking what really comes up like if something kind of maybe personal comes up about this person you're talking about and you just say it just say it and if they're if it upset them then you say oh well look I'm sorry I totally didn't mean that you deal with that repercussions but I think I mean in my experience when you're just open with people and you say what's really on your mind you talk about these things that are said to be taboo you suddenly are able to connect and you're more open with this person on a level that the Small Talk would have never reached to [01:15:54] Jacob: In a two weeks of working side by side that person you know it breaks through the **** and you actually get to be yourself and they get to show who they really are as well and I think that's good man yeah um and I'd like you know like you said I definitely put my foot in my mouth I've made the mistake too of like if we're discussing something or I'm like trying to get a conversation going like I've in the past come across as like too opinionated but I said to you earlier that like I'm not married to any of my ideas but for like a long time like I came across as like married to my idea but what I was really trying to do is like this is what I think and feel like what do you thinking like without being like what do you think and feel but like doing that like this is it this is the truth as I see it like I want someone like I want 20 minutes later to be like I'm wrong you're right you know like wow like I didn't think of it like that but I'm like just trying to get the conversation going or just trying to [01:16:51] Jacob: Like get a rise out of you to like see where you're at and how you stand and I've like definitely gotten better of like not coming across like as you know [01:17:00] Will: Maybe East Coast opinionated or like whatever it is but like not so dead set and being more like just finding a better way to like organize the words so I'm not so set or coming across so set in my ways coming across as like [01:17:16] Jacob: Well what do you think about this rather than like this is how it is um so I'm even like fine-tuning that like you know how I how I talk to people and you know interact with them um and I think that's kind of a um a byproduct of like where we are with like people putting their foot in their mouth where I've had I've like you know I don't want to upset people or rock the boat or have people like leave the house party and be like well Will Andes is a real piece of work you know what I mean I want them to be like that dude is wild like people I you know I never thought we'd be talking about that thing or you know I didn't know that you know I wanted to be like more happy and less like offensive I mean again I think that's like part of like being with a woman from the West Coast like her kind of framing things for me that like yo like you're coming across super duper opinionated and like I don't think that's your intention but I only it's because I know you like sometimes people don't know you and then you need to like you need to be like [01:18:12] Jacob: That but you need to do it in a more digestible way right yeah I know that makes a lot of sense do you I feel like you're generally a growth mindset person like you're someone who you're reciprocating [01:18:23] Will: To you know so of course Crystal you're gonna like listen to what she has to say but is someone just saying hey you kind of came across this way and you not being like well now **** them they don't understand me you saying I did okay that's interesting like I didn't mean to and kind of relearning where do you get your growth mindset from have you always been like that um I don't know I think like I spent a lot of time when I was younger being trying to be like on the toughest coolest you know I just spend too much time not being authentic and not being like true to myself and like Goofy and loose and more like you know I'm cool and I really not that I regret anything from my younger days it's all growth but like I think when I look back in my life I like I'm just sad for that little kid that he couldn't like be more of himself because he was so insecure that he wanted to like front all the time he thought being the toughest you know smart mouth kid was better than being sweet and nice and like I just you know I feel I feel for [01:19:24] Will: That kid you know what I mean and nothing like happened to me and you know what I mean like I but it was just it was I didn't learn that lesson at like 15 16 17 like unfortunately like I learned that lesson in like probably my early 20s um and I think for me that's kind of where it comes from that I was like late to the party in my maturity um with that sort of stuff uh so yeah I guess that maybe that's why I'm so growth oriented still is because it took me a long time to get to where I was then and even where I am now you know it's like get busy living or get busy dying you know what I mean so I'm gonna I'm Gonna Keep on growing yeah no that's a [01:20:03] Jacob: Beautiful thing to where you can see the contrast of how you thought before and how you thought now you know I think I find myself kind of in the same category of you know there was plenty I learned you know I was consistently learning and I was very growth mindset in a lot of ways but there was a lot of um a lot of aspects of me and my personality that like I thought were super **** awesome and didn't need to change even one bit and then as you get older you're like oh it hurts because I was doing that you know oh that's why it hurts you know you start to realize that your actions affect like your uh your cognitive behavior you know your actions affect what you think about years later or you know whatever it may be you know so you kind of because I've always had that growth mindset but um yeah there's I think there's part of it that's Amplified you know in kind of becoming quote unquote a man I guess there's there is this jump from Peter Pan Boyhood to like damn man I gotta like I need to be **** responsible once in a while I gotta you know I'm a [01:21:04] Jacob: Person in this Society I contribute to this Collective unconscious I'm responsible for my own future my loved ones you know I have a certain percentage of responsibility for my loved ones and all these things and it's uh it's kind of this thing once you once you take a look at and once you once you face it and accept it you can't look away so you're kind of right you kind of forced onto that path of now it's time to like grow up and be a big boy but it's um there you can have it any other way you know you can't live as a boy until you're 75 years old you're going to have a life of victim mentality yeah I am I had a I had like a therapist I got I got kicked off the track team my freshman year in college for fighting another Runner um anyway and they made me go see like a therapist at school and the I was like nothing's wrong with me you know what I mean just that total like invincibility um and he was like do you know what the word humility means and I honestly think I was like yeah of course and like I'm [01:22:05] Jacob: Like I kind of know what it means but I don't know what it means and I should have just been honest but like you know again it was I was fronting um so you know and then I look up the word humility and then you know I don't think that landed then but like that's one of those things that has like it's traveled with me um just because you know this guy was taught me a good lesson um that I didn't learn until years later but you know maybe like because I was 18 at that time so it probably took me a couple years but that you know his asking me what the word humility meant like and you know that landed some years later so I appreciate that therapist for uh for kind of giving me that lesson dude it's very interesting moments that happen especially in you know teenage years or early 20s or whatever that you now realize our significant um you know Divergence of your path there's significant pieces of who you are today but like at the moment or even a couple months after like you didn't you kind of brushed it off but it was actually kind of in your it was working like without you knowing it was [01:23:09] Jacob: In your in the back you're working on itself and working on you and changing you and then later on you're like damn that was actually kind of a profound thing he made me look at humility and I didn't know **** about it until I looked it up for whatever you know yeah and it's like I love that it's just like sitting there like you know like waiting right just waiting and waiting or like churning and working and growing like and more things are like you know letting this thing grow in your your brain until that bubble bursts you get all of it yeah water is getting in once in a while a little bit of more water and then a little bit of sunlight leaks in and it kind of grows and you're not aware of it yet but it's still it's festering and it's growing it's dude I remember uh when I was in high school I had a I had a couple moments like this but um I had just it was before I think some sort of dance after a football game or something um I didn't play sports or anything I was just a skateboarder mainly would be a good way to describe my role in um [01:24:05] Jacob: High school but uh we had just you know smoked a fat blonde out by the by the field uh came into the dance and we completely reaped and I was completely stoned out of my mind and um I remember the assistant principle pulled me to the side and he's just giving me this whole thing about how I'm a leader and whether I realize it or not people look up to me and blah like there's no way he didn't know that like I smelled like I put a nug up his nose there's no way he wasn't unless he had never smoked weed there's no way um but it stuck with me in that same way afterwards I was like I just got away I'm just I'm so high bro and he didn't even know that's what it was right afterwards and dap up your hobbies and go have fun and probably got drunk later whatever but uh it worked on me and it I feel like over time it kind of I was like man I can't ignore that I can't ignore the fact that there's situations where I become the alpha male and people are mimicking me and they're looking up to me for answers and suddenly if I if I notice it uh suddenly [01:25:06] Jacob: Oh yeah I realize that I am the one kind of leading the group and they aren't doing what I am suggesting you know um and that's a weird place to like talk about you know to talk oh I am the alpha and people listen to me but there is moments if you become aware even in high school that you are a leader of some certain sort of people and whether you go in and out of it or not people follow you and they follow your lead and who you are and who you act there's people who are watching and I think it's something that probably you know as a father as parents as you guys get older it's something you're going to be ultimately it's like the way that you are putting dishes away in the cupboard like you're going to be aware okay there's a there's now a three four-year-old watching the way I do this and the way I talk to this person on speakerphone there's someone listening to me and they're learning how to talk to someone on the speakerphone and you know there's all these things that dude they're then they're little sponges like they will imitate you they it's so yeah dude like the way you put [01:26:03] Jacob: Away dishes like something as simple as that like all of a sudden changes just because you don't want to make a noise or you don't you know what I mean you don't want to scare them or any little thing that you do you know what I mean like I'm gonna teach her how to use a fork and a knife so like I need to like not have my four you know what I mean like I want to do it the right way like you know have matters it's a it's a wild experience you made me just think of something though like I've kind of always felt like a leader in certain areas but like as I've gotten older I've noticed that like I'm not needed as a leader in this group of friends or in this situation like I'm a I'm a good as an assistant here I'm good as a supporter like I like this um which is like uh I for me like again like in my mid-20s maybe a tough pill for me to swallow like whereas like I'm trying to like you know run the situation and it was like this moment calls for you to like sit back and like be commentary or like [01:27:04] Jacob: You know chill out or like you're running security right now keep an eye on everyone you know what I mean like I think like you know maybe not identifying as like leader or follower like there's so many other jobs within a group I think that's a good way like healthy way to like think of it but I also think it's like healthy to like identify like what that moment or that group of friends or that time calls for um because it might be your moment to be a leader you know if you're excellent in you know whatever um and you're in a situation and you know your expertise comes in and we need you like that is your time to step up and do it but like just in general like life like sometimes you're just like an assistant sometimes you're just a body and it's like that's that's kind of an interesting interesting way to think about things but I think it's I don't ever want to like totally like generalize or categorize something but like I do like putting things like in buckets for me you know what I mean just like a healthy way for me to think about things um and I don't like go and hang out with [01:28:08] Jacob: This group of friends and like all right I'm the I'm running like security like I'm like you know Mac from always sunny and I'm like I'm you know like that you know what I mean um but I do I do think it's like it's interesting to like not need to be that leader and not need to be that Alpha all the time yeah it puts um yeah it's there's situations that don't always need someone to stand out and be the leader like it's going to flow just beautifully without anybody really trying to rise above any ranks even unconsciously um and it also it also takes a little bit of stress off your shoulders like a lot of the times I would part of my something I used to say all the time which is so silly to me now but um I used to say I'm a control person I like to be in control I like to know I like to and um when you're overly a control person you know sometimes your friend groups it's like you're overly planning things like I'm always the one starting the group message and I'm always the one that's planning this and I'm searching the airbnbs that we're going to go to [01:29:08] Jacob: And there is times for that and that's all great but there is a lot of times where we put a lot of do pressure on ourselves where our friends are like dude you don't have to do anything like we're fine we're going to show up just tell us the time or like cool how would I pick the restaurant this time like you don't have to pick it every time whatever it is you know there's this um this ability to not have to control everything and just it's gonna be fine let's just do what we're gonna do fall into what we're going to fall into and it's just gonna be all right man it puts a lot it takes a lot of the stress off your shoulders 100 I have like family members that like they love hosting but they're a terrible host because they are stressed out and it's like you can feel it like this untangible like Aura and like whatever like you walk in the house like damn they've been arguing because 2 000 square feet you guys have been arguing all day why are you feeling this like why'd you host like anyone else could have posted um but it is funny and it's like I don't [01:30:09] Jacob: Know again it's like you know like a wise person kind of learns from other people's mistakes um because I love hosting and I've even found myself like not putting it on my guess but like internalizing like I gotta get beer I gotta get ice you know what I mean like we gotta get or do we have enough food like should we cook more you know what I mean like that whole thing of like yada Rat Race um and then like just you know realizing like all right like whatever we don't have we can get everyone's coming it's more about like everyone's coming over like let's watch the game let's chill [01:30:40] Will: Out like they're gonna meet Benny like you know like whatever that dude like that objective is like that's the thing [01:30:46] Jacob: Man like the rest of the stuff like you know chill out man I can feel your West Coast just coming through yeah dude yes it is that you know if we're so obsessed with how is it going to go we got to make sure it does this and at this time we're gonna do this and the game's on it this time and there's not enough Bulls in that in that they're not enough to take in that bowl and you just get stressed out you miss like what are you doing dude you're hanging out with your friends right missing the whole thing you know oh my God yeah stop trying good yeah I was gonna say like I saw something about on you know saw something and it was like how old are your parents it was some conversational podcast it was like I forget who it was but I was like how old are your parents how many times a year do you see them all right we'll be you know they're if they're gonna live till they're 80. and you see them twice a year and they're 50. that's 30 more right like whatever the math is yeah and like doing that like that um uh you know I don't wanna I'm trying [01:31:40] Jacob: To like search for a good word um like not the evil math but that like that like that gut-wrenching math I think I think is helpful um because you know I've even noticed that like you know having a daughter and like you know like I remember like [01:31:55] Will: Saying to Crystal like you know maybe three or four months before she's born like I'm you know I'm like kind of being like you know like insecure I wasn't being serious I was like joking but I was like are my are my friends still going to want to be friends with me you know like as we like lay in bed like I'm joking she's like yeah shut up dude but like what it was is like I [01:32:12] Jacob: Yeah but like I know I know that like there's certain realities that are like existing right like my friends don't have kids yet and like we live in the city right now and it's amazing and I know my one of my best friends is 10 blocks away my other friend is like 15 blocks away like so we're close like we see each other but like I don't have the same Freedom that I had before like I got I'm more on a schedule and I got I got you know bigger fish to fry so I'm not going to see them as much but you start doing that like hardcore math you know and then like all right like I want to get I want to get her to like a nice School District in the suburbs when she's ready for kindergarten so like if you start thinking things like that like as long as you don't let it like ruin you like it can it can you know help you calculate the importance you know again like living in the moment right like it can it can allow me to be like I get I'm gonna see my friends 150 more times the four of us hanging like you know my crew whatever 100 times [01:33:08] Jacob: Before I move out of the city well like you know that's then those hundred times like get a little bit more special um and I don't need to do anything differently than what I've been doing for my 20 you know 30-year friendships with some of these dudes um but like yeah you just it's uh there's like Beauty in that like gut-wrenching hardcore math no there definitely is they're definitely it's a it reminds you to be a little more present because you're like well I'm here and now I'm accepting that it's not forever like I don't get to do this forever I can't just call up for the rest of my life this is not even available to me these friendships that I have or the ability to even live this close to them and so it's not so much about like how do I squeeze more juice from the fruit it's you know enjoy each bite like when you are with your friends put your phone away you know when you are with your friends try to be at peace with your mind so you can really just listen to those you know laugh with them and be with them and hug them and just be you know be present [01:34:04] Jacob: That's exactly what it is but I have this line I wrote a couple days ago hug your friends they ain't free when you're with your mom be present because she's doing her best and her best might be you and it's essentially just like it's something that I've learned from my own experience you know I went through many years of like my mom was the evil doer and she's the reason why I like my childhood and teenage years were so tough and she's she just held all of it for me and once I was finally able to forgive her now our relationship is this friendship that I'm so present when I'm with her like I'm so like we just joke and we play and I allow her to be completely her and she allows me to be completely me and there's no like you're the mom that you never showed up and I'm this hurt child and you need to play that game of even though I'm 30 and you're this old like you have to you know it's all this healing of now all there's left is to just be present when I am with my mom like I don't know how many more times it's gonna be with her maybe that's a numbered thing [01:35:04] Jacob: That I can calculate but when I am yeah and I don't think you necessarily need to calculate a calculator but it's good to yeah right yeah did you guys ever talk about stuff oh yeah um okay yeah we had some pretty heavy conversations um yeah good there was a lot of uh I'm a pretty open book about that stuff too um there's you know Shaylee my ex that I was with for 10 years she helped me with a lot of that there was a lot of that like with as much as I tried to like hide that and keep Shaylee from that because it's like I'm not trying to have this girl see that my whole family is a disaster and like right you know I'm not trying to have her see me scream at my mom or anything on the phone so she helped a lot with that there was a lot of healing there um and then yeah my mom you know a few years back I kind of went through I realized in every way possible like the things that happened in my past are making me do things in causing me to think in certain ways that is causing me more harm so I need to get to The Rook I [01:36:10] Jacob: Was very like root cause of my ales like things that are hurting me and things about my personality that are shitty like they're from these things at the root so let's get the root cause and I went through you know multiple years of just digging up as deep as I could any childhood trauma that I had just **** pulling it out by its roots and so I went through like I was it was a crazy nut case for sure um for at least a few months you know it was just a lot to dishevel but my mom through circumstance my mom actually ended up moving in with me and me and Shaylee and through that time we were able to like have plenty you know I'm down in the basement going through these like weird hypnosis and like childhood you know past regression and all these weird **** and um I go upstairs and talk to my mom about what I just went through or I would have some sort of thought that came through my childhood and I'd ask my mom like hey uh did this actually happen and she was like well from what I remember here's what happened or she actually had a bunch of letters that my [01:37:07] Jacob: Father had written to her while he was like um just super drugged out but I was with him I if I remember correctly I had basically read these letters because he would write these like I love you so much and I'm so sorry I'm doing like these just super vulnerable letters and I was just a young buck he would I think hand me these letters to hand to my mom so I would of course read them and so I was very much like help Dad Mom you're evil like you don't help like look at he's hurting so anyway I was able to like read these letters again talk to my mom about them you know this was just a few years ago I was like 27 26 or something so um but yeah it's a I was able to like revisit all of this stuff from a place of in my home I'm in a safe place um everything else is okay I can re-dig it back up and like really look at it all right now like what's true what actually happened and what can I do now versus this story that is harming me and harming people I come across you know because when you have unhealed [01:38:05] Jacob: Stuff it um it leaks out in ways that you're sometimes unconscious of um or you turn you find ways to turn your eye away from so yeah man I uh I definitely dug up a lot of the childhood trauma now me and my mother are at a place of a good spot and I'm good with my dad too like we're friends too yeah it's good to like a lot of people don't get that opportunity right like it's good to like have those heavy conversations or like to like do that self-work because like you do you like you feel like lighter you know what I mean and again like I remember I went to your we stopped by your house um and you're fine um but like then like seeing you in Austin like you would you just seemed like just lighter dude like area you know like you weren't being weighed down so whatever you're doing is working man cool yeah lots of yoga no yeah right yeah lots of yoga no I think um I think you guys probably saw me have the tail end but that's what I was doing a lot at that Castle Rock House man that was uh yeah not just that there was [01:39:09] Jacob: A lot of creation there's a lot of artistry happening there I was creating a lot and writing a lot um but I was I was just I was getting everything that was harming me psychologically just pulling out its root and like it took me I feel like it took me you know Eckhart Tolle he had um he had like a spiritual awakening you know like his perception of who he is and is his uh you know connection to Consciousness as a whole it's just completely the way he perceives the world is different and he had multiple years where he pretty much just I guess just sat on a park bench and just **** sat there and just like tried to ground himself in reality and I feel like I had kind of my own version of that in many ways because I dug so hard and I um I like face all this **** and I had like these crazy experiences like through hypnosis and yoga meditation and breath work and a lot of cannabis and I just yeah I was like on this Retreat you know and it did it admittedly took me I feel like I hung out a lot of people during and I talked to a lot of friends during and [01:40:10] Jacob: Then sometimes I want to kind of go back and like dude I wish that I could explain to you that I know that I'm always been a little bit weird but when you hung out with me I'm not always like that I was like yeah I had just experienced this or whatever you know so I'm still pretty weird but I'm a little bit more normal these days I think well dude and I think you know people realize that it's like you know people you know your Ebbs and flows like you're gonna be some version of yourself you know you're not always going to be perfect you know um some people are more consistent than others right but some people like you know I know that I had a period of time with like my friends where I was like just heavy like things in the past and mistakes that I made were weighing so heavy on me and I couldn't like live in the president and enjoy myself because I was pissed off myself for this mistake I made like I couldn't you know couldn't work it all out and it was like affecting like how I interacted with the world you know um but that's like you know that's when you [01:41:08] Jacob: Know you have good friends that like you know rock out with you no matter what and like you know sometimes maybe you have to have a conversation and um and then sometimes like I think as I've gotten older I realize like am I having that conversation for myself like does my friend need that conversation and like I've kind of realized like sometimes like I would feel like okay the right thing to do is like clear the air and in most cases it probably is like communication's healthy but like as you get to like know people and stuff like sometimes like you're apologizing for yourself like you're not apologizing like for the right reasons or you're not you're not having this conversation to clear the air for the other person or for the right reasons like you're doing it to almost like absolve yourself of like this guilt or this mistake or like oh man I was so weird that time like whatever um and then like I don't know you just kind of like you know sometimes like you have friends that like you know it's water under the bridge and it doesn't even need to be said you know and that's like there's that's cool you [01:42:03] Jacob: Know when you have a when you have a friendship like that I mean either way even if you bring it up and it's like you know you look just not you know sometimes not not letting it affect you so greatly that it's like should I should I like just do what feels right here you know your friend you know has your back he befriends them for five years 10 years 20 years whatever like you know yeah there's uh you can come up with this huge apology and I pretty honestly sorry about and then they're responsibility like bro I literally I haven't thought about it a single time so yeah dude I don't know I love you anyway when yeah what are you talking about you're like you know that time we got in the fist fight you know I was a totally like dude I don't that explains like most uh you know male on male corals when it comes to friends it's a lot of like I've had literally straight up fist fights where we fought two times when I was friends with friends and the next day we're like bro I'm sorry that was some **** you know we hugged each other we're best friends again you know dude and that **** makes [01:43:09] Jacob: You stronger right like it's like any great relationship like you've gotta you Wade the Waters of like some top times and some like hairy situations and you're like you're better because of it um I do my best friend and I have gone in multiple fist fights and I'll never forget I'm pretty sure the last one we got in maybe second class only ever got it I was sitting on the stoop at the house and he was getting back to the house after like uh you know four or five mile run and I didn't expect him to be back we got in like a pretty like a decent fist fight scuffle the night before another roommate broke it off and he comes around the corner and we look each other and we just both have this **** eating grins on our faces and like you know like literally like Words didn't even need to be spoken um I actually just gave the uh I gave [01:43:53] Will: The best man speech at his wedding um in May of this year and it was uh it was awesome that was a nerve-wracking experience because I'm pretty good on my feet I'm pretty I'm a Salesman you know like a killer yeah but [01:44:06] Will: Dude it was really it was really tough um was that your first time getting a best man Suite ever yeah first time ever um and I don't and that's the other thing too is like my brothers I have two brothers um Michael's 13 years younger than me Zach's like eight years younger than me and they're definitely like super duper close you know they're only like four or five years apart um and I'm so much older so like I have I'm tired with them now but like me and my brother Mike like we didn't start getting tighter until he was like 17 18 and I'm like 30 at that point so we've kind of lived these different lives and now I think we're really close but like I don't know if I'll ever speak at my brother's thing because it's like you know they're kind of each other's best man I feel like yeah so my boy Vinnie is like my rock he's my dude so and it was funny because like the weeks leading up for months leading up I knew kind of the framework I was there I want to talk about this I want to talk about this I want talk about this um I want to like work through it like [01:45:00] Jacob: This so it's kind of like formulating in my head and that's kind of like my process it's like up here until it's like on paper and I knew because it was like friends from high school friends from college like like I've been friends with any since we're like 10 11 years old so like our lives are wrapped up in one another's and I kept telling myself like dude you know everyone like it's no big deal you know everyone and then like a week or two out it was like yo you know everybody like it went from like the fact that I knew everyone went from like this calming factor to the fact that I knew everyone was like nerve-wracking as **** you know like it was just right it totally flipped um uh but no I mean I think I gave a solid like B plus a minus speech um you know Vinnie told me it was like the best speech of the summer of all the weddings he went to and stuff like that so that felt good um I had one moment where I like I just like forgot my transition and it was like kind of like an emotional part and I'm a pretty emotional dude and I froze [01:46:02] Jacob: For a long time when you're like probably like five to ten seconds I was like I had a **** you know what I mean just like you know scared yeah like searching and everyone thought I was getting choked up but what it did is it I would have cried like a baby at this part like during this transition and the it saved me from choking from getting choked up and then the only other like and again this is just me being like super critical of myself um I just like I just kind of like rushed the end a little bit because I kind of like after that I was like yeah I missed like one sentence I wanted to say something about his fiance to kind of like wrap up like that part in like a nice little bow but like and honestly it went great I just I'm super critical of myself but uh yeah it was I was definitely it was the bed I think it was the best speech of that night and uh yeah it was good it was it was good but a nerve-wracking experience because you only get one shot you know what I mean like if this is there's no there's [01:46:58] Jacob: No redos right yeah and as much as it's it's natural and it's chill and it's like it's your best friend and you know everybody it's also like you know everybody and it's your best friend and you want to make sure you do it right and you only give one opportunity and you know there's vomit on your sweater already mom's spaghetti for sure for sure go ahead go ahead no I was gonna say like my friends like me I think we hold each other to pretty high standards so like had I gone out there with a piece of paper like I would have never been able to live it down you know like that's just like the weddings we've been to like our other friends that were there like it just would have been like you can't you can't have a piece of paper like the notes out there are you yeah exactly like I just that's just the way my friends are so it was like all right that's not and I wouldn't want to do that anyway I can memorize a you know it was a it was a 90 seconds to two minutes so you like my boy wanted it like short and sweet to the point [01:47:52] Jacob: Um but yeah it was a it was an amazing experience but I I quite literally I was struggling to live in the moment that morning you know like we're getting pictures done and I'm like enjoying myself but I'm like doing that thing you know um and I as soon as it was over I was like I was I was thought I was gonna be able to be like cool but even like all of a sudden like a thing of Doubt would creep in like an hour later like it kind of like it kind of **** me up a little bit uh which I'm glad I did it and I like wanted to do it meant so much that he asked me like you know it was a great honor um but it's just funny the months passed that it's like I'm I'm okay with it um but it was like I put this insane amount of pressure on myself um that like kind of like you know didn't allow me to like you know enjoy My Best Friend's Wedding to like the highest degree because I had to speak a little bit so that's a part of it though that's yeah no it is it is and I'll like [01:48:52] Will: I'll I had a great time like all my friends you know um but it's like I will always remember like this Indescribable feeling of like you know like because I've never felt that word like I'm on stage you know like I don't know what I'm supposed to say yeah it's almost a reminder from you to you of like this person these people are fair they're seriously important to me like I do actually care what not just what they think you know not just that they think highly of me because I said the right words at a wedding but like I really do want to communicate to them like this is so special for me to be here you know like yes if only words really even could like you know not just could I access them or could I put them in the right Cadence and Rhythm properly with the right you know tonality it's like if there was even the words to express it like I just you know you want to make sure these people know that you love them and this is important to you yeah later on you're like editing yourself you're like man I should have said this or whatever it is yeah no [01:49:49] Jacob: Like I'm at peace with it um but it's funny like his fiance or his wife now was just like wow like Will's really nervous and it's funny because like he told me that like you know weeks or months later like Nikki was like yeah wow I was nervous um and I was like dude I didn't realize how nervous I was gonna be like you know what I mean like it was it was funny um it was a great experience since um I mean I've DJ'd I mean probably 40 to 50 weddings um and I've been to you know at least 10 to 15 just attending um and something I always say or I always um if I don't have the opportunity to say it if I'm not in a position if I'm just an attendee I'm not going to go give advice to the best man but if I'm uh you know the DJ handing the mic to the to the best man hey you're going to start it off or the the Bridesmaids are made of on or whatever like my little piece of advice is always dude just speak from the heart like don't worry about trying to say the right things just you know this person probably as well as [01:50:46] Jacob: Anybody in this room just show that like you know this person speak from the heart and usually that's one place of uh wedding I never loved DJing weddings there's a few things about them that are strange to me um but that's one thing that I really love about DJing weddings is getting front row seats for the speech like the yeah whether it's the best man or the maid of honor or even just like you know someone's 12 year old nephew said yeah that mic and he says something that he's kind of crying through it but it's the most adorable thing he doesn't really say much but you know what he's trying to say and it's beautiful you know it's a good speech that's just someone speaking from their perspective or that or their heart is that's great yeah it's the best it's a it is a tough thing to do though like I think I hear more like I because I feel like this summer is like the covid makeup of weddings you know what I mean I think we've had five or six weddings this spring and summer um and I you know I feel like you hear more like Rocky Top speeches than you do really good ones you know [01:51:54] Jacob: Um which again my speech was at the start of the season so uh now here we are in you know September and I like I feel good about it like I've heard some I've heard some tough best dance features this summer in the maid of honest yeah oh yeah I'm feeling pretty good I'm feeling pretty good dude um but no I can imagine like being a DJ I like would be a weird predicament you know because like everyone knows each other right like outside of like the servers and this but like you're kind of this intimate host where you're like more involved but you don't really know anymore it's kind of like a interesting predicament to be in yeah because it is this innately um yeah it is innately sentimental um because everybody knows each other and it's combining together of families like everybody in some way knows either the brighter the group ideally that's how that's how a wedding is going to be unless there's a couple you know Crashers or whatever um and so for me to anything for me to interrupt their time and for them for me to say whatever you guys are talking about pause for a second and look at me is already this like almost the audacity [01:52:59] Jacob: Of this **** like this is a you know almost a religious spiritual experience of us intertwining these two families together or whatever and this person's interesting so I you know I'm always like uh cognizant of being you know light with my word and trying to be very um particular you know there's the side of me that I can be goofy and funny but um I don't tap into that too much unless I know the bride and groom or I know like if I've had a chance to like meet some of the parents or something you know I'll crack a couple jokes but there's a there's a fine line like I have some friends who are DJs who uh who like go pretty heavy with like the jokes on the mic and I'm like man I don't know so uncle's gonna point you in the face it's like my sister's planning a wedding right now she's getting married in November maybe she's like the sixth one we're going to um but it's like stressful like be like people are out there like I don't want to say their best and their worst but it's like you know emotions are high like it's emotions are high people are getting wasted like people are spending ungodly [01:54:04] Jacob: Amounts of money like it's a it's a little like Powder Keg sometimes like a whole wedding um so when you have like I know when I go to a wedding and I love like obviously knowing everyone I also love like being the plus one and not knowing anyone when you go to a wedding and it's like both sides Good Vibes and it's like you run into this guy in the bathroom like oh man excuse me yeah and it's like old somebody's like oh yeah but like when it's like good it's really good dude it's I love a good wedding yeah it's a it's a thing of beauty it's um you know it's one of the Traditions that uh our civilization has kept around our culture has kept around that is like there's some weirdness about it because you know we're kind of a post-religious um community and it is a religious you know ceremony so I think we're still our generation is kind of finding our way around like how to how to find meaning and make meaning of like the vows we're saying in that sort of thing but um yeah I think uh something I have learned myself with weddings probably not going to do too much more [01:55:05] Jacob: Of them because like I said I just I don't love them you know it's it probably won't do too many more but I do feel that I have gotten actually decently good these days at them just by my demeanor like by being chill like by being relaxed like any questions I have any like make sure all of my ducks are crazy in order before I even get to that venue for the rehearsal in like my chill calm demeanor of like yeah we got that no problem cool I'll do that at this time yeah I got you that seriously rubs off like if like I said like you know if you have if you're a host of a party and you're all stressed out and everybody comes over like there's something about that energy that proliferates and now it's kind of just anxiety all over and if you're in a place of you know I'm a host a lot of the times as a DJ at a wedding especially and my calm demeanor is I mean you could sense it through the damn mic through the airwaves like everything I say the way in which I say it um how sweaty I am how much I'm running around if I'm just walking I'll get [01:56:03] Jacob: Linked to my next place it's it really says a lot about like how things are going behind the scene beans and so the bride and groom don't have to be like oh **** are things going bad like they can just be present and I could say hey it's 3 15. we're gonna head over here come on you know so yeah that's the art of it is being calm in your profession in a lot of ways for sure and yo so you just saying that I made a connection so remember I was talking about like holding Betty and like giving off these feelings through my fingertips and my hands like this love and caring like I can't communicate with her verbally yet right so I'm like you know I we make a joke or I make a noise so like what I just did is like what you're doing at a wedding and trying to give off these calm Vibes like it's like almost like that's what I'm trying to do through my hands or through my demeanor or through my smile um but it is whether it's a baby or a bride and groom and a you know bridezilla and a stressful wedding situation like you can you can truly [01:56:59] Will: Like you know make waves in a healthy positive manner with just the way you the way you conduct business the way you you handle things cool thank you for making that explanation because I just know what I'm doing with my babies it's good it's good it's healthy yeah um yeah um so yeah we're trying to like plan a wedding and it's like it's bananas like the whole like you know it's crazy um but what we've settled on um and this is like again like new age you know not super religious so we're basically inviting people to our Allotment in Las Vegas right so what we're gonna so what we're gonna do is like we're gonna fly out on like a Wednesday Thursday um we're gonna do like cool pictures in the desert her in a dress me in a badass suit um my sister's uh Beyonce future husband he's a wedding photographer um he's [01:57:58] Jacob: Awesome so they're gonna fly out early [01:58:00] Will: Lana let Crystal's sister is Gonna Fly a little early like we're trying to figure out Benny like you know whether she flies with the parents or whatever but fly out there get some badass pictures get like an Elvis like drive through little wedding chapel like ceremony thing um really simple kind of silly like you know play into the vagueness of it and then Friday do like a family happy hour kind of like catering you know simple party like you know that's where we'll kind of say our vows thank you for making the Trek out here like kind of pose it as like you need a getaway come to Vegas celebrate with us on Friday night and then Saturday we're gonna get like Cabanas and bottles and spend too much money at like a pool party and invite all of our friends and that'll be like you know I guess we're asking a lot because it's like a multiple day like you know almost like a like an Indian style wedding but um dude it's going to be a fraction of the price that's perfect it's going to be so laid back and like fun um and it was actually Crystal's idea because we've been like looking at these venues and we're looking at like [01:59:02] Will: 45 000 for like a cheap wedding or like 60 000. yeah dude and that's like that's like cheap so she's like she's been trying to get her to like you know oh what friends do I choose to try to fly over for you know from the west coast and just dude it just becomes it like do you probably got to a place where like do we have two weddings one for the West Coast one for the East [01:59:22] Jacob: Totally and then it was like let's not let's not even like do it like let's just go to the courthouse get married like let's not even spend the money and you know whatever let's not um can you still see me sorry my phone um but uh yeah we were like we went through that all those emotions of like let's not do this but like I wanted I wanted to do something you know I think there's something there's something there's something in that tradition something that I wanted to do like I wanna I wanna say some vows in front of our friends and family of like my love for this woman I think that um I think she deserves that and I think that um I think it's something that I you know we want to do I think she'll actually struggle to find her words more than me but I'm so interested to see what she would possibly say um but that's like that's not only that's our like that's our you know 2022 kind of had the baby you know didn't do things in a traditional sense but it's like you know what like come elope with us get a weekend getaway you know um you know Friday night we're gonna [02:00:24] Jacob: Have a little happy hour thing and then Saturday you know get wasted pool party yeah that sounds amazing that sounds way fun I think that's I think yeah yeah and also like Vegas kind of Vegas makes it easy for her like West Coast [02:00:37] Will: Family and like from Philly to Vegas like you know you can still get a cheap flight like so there's always flights going to Vegas so um yeah I we're gonna have to figure out like the baby and families like we might just stick like a like her mom maybe my parents like you know like in a sick Airbnb and kind of make that like home base for like everything um so yeah we're gonna we're gonna figure out all those like little details but I kind of like I like I like the planning and the and the struggle of the whole organization so man yeah I really like that I think that's not only a good [02:01:11] Jacob: Idea but um you know what you said about valves like kind of wanting to you know set some vows and say them you know I think there is I thought about valves a lot actually um I had before Shailene and I split like a few months before I had proposed and so I was thinking a lot about um like like wedding because weddings I'm very aware like you know there's no magic that happens without the participants you know it's not that just because you say these words there's like magical laws of the universe right up there with gravity that make these things perfect that go through sickness and health that's just gonna happen I'll have to try it's very much um I think I kind of like as I got older and as I was going to propose or as I proposed and as I was like trying to think of what I would say in my own vows I started really thinking of the power of you know the spoken word you know what we say is spells and as much as I'm a rambler and stumble over my words I think that there's power in uh like writing something that's very true that you can read back and be like you [02:02:08] Jacob: Know what I can do that and that would be really hard to do that would be probably the hardest thing I would ever do is devote to these things on this piece of paper till the day I die but I'm willing to do that and I would love to do that you know I think there's you can create your own magic in writing your own vows or even not even just writing them but like reading other vows and seeing like you know what through sickness and health and all these other things I'm going to do that like in the other person making that agreement too I mean there really is some super powerful magic of sorts that can arise out of that and you guys could really get through so much more if you really remember in each moment that when it gets hard of your vows like what did I agree to because when you could reach back into your vows later on in life in your marriage when things are hard then you could say it gives you an answer for that problem like yes it's tough but I have to keep going because I agreed to this or whatever it is you know it's I think I think there's a lot [02:03:01] Jacob: Of power in vows man I think it's really yeah and I think that's why personally I like want to write mine myself um just because I think they'll like they'll hold more water for me you know it'll like if I do spend the time designing you know that collection of words to you know to say in sickness and health right to like capture that in my own brain and mind and heart and body and soul like I think it's for me just means something you know means a little bit more um rather than kind of just repeating that thing like if I can if I can somehow not completely fall apart emotionally and like communicate this to like her and any of our loved ones that wanted to be there and could be there and also like the loved ones from Generations before that are no longer with us right like if you can tie in the magic of life and death and you know till death do you part like I think you know you're kind of you're I'm not only honoring that person but you're honoring like your family and you know the union of these two families like it's oh that's like the thread of embodiment you know that's like really [02:04:09] Jacob: Trying to find that way it's not just the words themselves it's not just you say these and they magically open up a you know Abracadabra the doors open and you are granted access it's like how can I really embody what's being said here like the words themselves aren't powerful but me saying them in truth is so very powerful you know and also I'll say if you do uh completely emotionally break down and start crying during your vows you're loved too that's okay too yeah for sure I'm sure it's okay to do that definitely definitely um nah yeah I can't I it's funny like we [02:04:43] Will: I was planning on asking Crystal to marry me um and then you know I was like I'm not dragging my feet with the ring but like you know it's a it's a whole thing um so I was just kind of like you know taking my time um and I knew that's what I wanted but I was like I don't think she's in a rush I'm not in a crazy rush and then we found out that we were pregnant um and that was like that was a wild experience because um she was like it was like a Friday and she was like Hey I feel like different and uh I was like really she's like yeah I think so we bought a pregnancy test it was like a Friday night and I was like can I just get one more weekend like just so immature right like can I should I just be can I just not deal with the reality for one more weekend and again like I think that's like me knowing myself right just like let me let me just be let me be a kid again right like let me just be a kid for one more weekend and then it was like that Monday or Tuesday of that following week [02:05:42] Will: Um I think I was dropping her off at work so we were both home in the morning like doing breakfast and she was like oh my God we got the practice test like yeah let's do it she peed on the stick and then dude like an hour and a half went by like we both completely forgot about it and then she was like oh my god let's go check it out they ran into the back bathroom I was pregnant and we both started like laughing and giggling with like no plan or no like you know what I mean like we knew we could do it like but it was like this we were not expecting this thing here we are um and here we are so then I was like okay in my head I was like all right the engagement's on hold right like let me like let's attack this Challenge and do the baby thing um and then at some point like over the summer into like early fall I was like you know what like I don't know why these two things are not independent of one another you know um and I know Crystal didn't like need me to like hey will you be my wife one [02:06:37] Will: Day like but I just felt like it spoke it kind of said some things that I couldn't not that I couldn't say it I'm pretty good with like discussing my feelings and stuff but I felt like you know it wasn't it wasn't other people's impression of her of her being a pregnant woman not wearing a ring like you know what I mean but like all those things like those I you know I don't we don't care what other people think yeah a little bit more the [02:07:01] Jacob: Right and it's like it's just like you know what like I was feeling this way beforehand and now I'm not all of a sudden not feeling this way I'm feeling this way even more like I'm feeling this is going to be the greatest challenge ever but it's a challenge that I want to do with you and like I want you to be my wife but like I this isn't on hold anymore sort of you know what I mean and I would like she didn't need it but I like got back to like you know getting the ring and designing it and doing that whole thing um and then it was really cool because we have these pictures you know again my my sister's fiancee I had them kind of like they met me one morning and I was like hey I'm gonna top question here tomorrow morning like what do you think you think you guys can be like hiding and like get you know get the moment like when it happens and they did and it was amazing but like she's got this like little baby bump you know and we're like we're in like in sweatpants getting like you know coffee in the morning [02:07:56] Jacob: Um and it was just like a really beautiful moment but um yeah it was just funny kind of the way the timelines went down and how I was like all right that's on hold like let me attack that and it kind of helped me understand myself that I like I do like to like all right like let me focus on this like let me let me and you know life's not like that um so it's interesting so we've engaged for uh you know a while now since like last November it'll be engagement for a year in November and I think like you know hopefully sometime early summer of next year uh we'll be we'll be looking to lock in our wedding date and everything yeah amazing it's so cool how it all falls into place you know and it sounds like that moment you just mentioned like that you know she had a little baby bump and it sounds like that might have been a day or a moment where you're like damn this is all right you know yeah what uh other people that had gotten engaged like dude you like you black out and like you know and I don't know if that was your experience [02:08:50] Jacob: Or whatever but like I truly like I grabbed her hand and I started going down I was like hey you know I love you right and she was like what did I do like she thought she like you know so it didn't get off to like the hottest start but then I just like got down to one day and I opened up this ring and I don't know you know what I mean like I don't I told her I loved her and like told her that I wanted to you know be with her exactly what you said though I had no idea dude no um and then uh you know we just were just both crying and then like my sister and her fiance got right up next to us and I could hear the shutter of the camera and I knew they were there right and um you know Bella's with us like our little dog she's like jumping and like they're like right next to him like look like look who it is and like she looks and she's like surprised that they're there and she's just like weeping and it was like a beautiful moment um and then she was like are we getting coffees and I'm like no like all of [02:09:42] Jacob: Your friends are at our house I mean like my family and her friends were like all right already at our house with like brunch so they had like set everything up and like mimosas she said no yeah she's like well I just need some time alone to think about it uh well all of our family and friends are at the house so yeah well you uh will you tell my parents they're at your house yeah it's a beautiful thing Man it really is cool to see you know um like I said we're at this time where Traditions are they're just looked at differently you know and even things like marriage I think we just think about things differently than our parents age um so it's very cool to hear you know uh you know good friends of mine and people my age and like-minded individuals be able to still find like Beauty in this thing that sometimes feels a little bit different than us it feels like yeah it's kind of like out of our it's not like weddings don't feel like us in a lot of ways but in a lot of ways they can you know in a lot of ways like it's still cool to you [02:10:49] Jacob: Know clearly there's a lot of beauty and a lot of like specialness that you guys are very much tapping into it's all still there you know maybe it's a little bit yeah for sure well it's funny it's funny it's like one of my dad's buddies uh was just like you know you made an honest woman out of her good job you know what I mean it was like and I didn't say like well that's not why I did it you know what I mean but like he was like proud of me that I popped the question because I got her pregnant you know what I mean it was like such like an ass backwards way of thinking about it like that's not how I was thinking about it but like you know it was like that old way of thinking with the Traditions that are supposed to be done you know properly and like you know I was just I was just listening to my body you know what I mean I was listening to the situation I was like [02:11:37] Will: Vibing with Crystal and like you know this life we're building together it was like you know what like why why am I treating these like the engagement and the baby is like this one needs to be done now that this has happened I gotta hold off and it's like No dude like that's you were doing that you wanted to do that like do that you know like it's good like it'll be good you know just like listening to like that intuition um oh yeah I think I think I had asked you guys uh when you were in Austin but what's your do you have like a 5 10 20-year kind of idea plan are you guys like um yeah so uh it's not obviously like nothing set in stone um but we I wrote down I wrote down like the years you know what I mean I went across and did like 22 23 I did five years and just like wrote them across I think I did 15 or 20 years and then I just wrote in each year like you know what I want to achieve for the family you know I mean so it's like okay we got we have a small row home in [02:12:37] Will: Philly that I'd like to hold on my plan is like hold on to the row home in Philly rent it out eventually um and then get a house in The Burbs where we can like raise Bennett good school district growing up I never thought I'd go back to Jersey um taxes are crazy but there's really good Public Schools I always thought I'd go on the other side of Philadelphia like Montgomery County Chester County like the counties outside of Philly on the West Side um but like now like I think we'll end up in Jersey like I just my family's close Crystal's mom's actually moving to Jersey um now that Crystal's sister is living in Philly like her mom's out there with Lily and like they're making the moves to come over um which is amazing yeah it's actually it's amazing it's bananas and it's I'm so proud of her mom for doing it for a million reasons yeah I'm with you there [02:13:28] Jacob: Yeah um so anyway it's like I just think we're gonna end up in Jersey close to my parents close to her mom um so like that's like on the that's like in the five year plan like that's probably like the biggest thing is like you know earn enough save enough so we can purchase a you know a reasonable you know house in a good school district and still keep the current house so hopefully I don't have to sell this to buy the new one that's like The Five-Year Plan and then it's like honestly like it's like you know get the wedding done go on a honeymoon um you know places we want to see or visit um and then like you know I don't know what else is on there it's kind of just like travel like achievement work you know I'd like to [02:14:11] Will: I'd like to I applied for this promotion at the job um and I haven't been here that long I was kind of like it was really good of the company to give me the freedom and the confidence to like apply for this job but I was like **** it I'm gonna apply for it and I interviewed and I interviewed well uh but they gave it to someone else that had more tenure um that like it made total sense to me and I kind of agreed with the situation uh but I know that they're going to be it's a young company that we're growing so um I'd like to you know get one of those jobs it's going to be the next five years yeah for sure and I would be I would I would be great for the role as well so um that's like another something else that's in my five year plan yeah um and then you know I can't go ahead sorry no you gotta keep going I was gonna say I can't wait to like talk to my daughter and find out what she wants to do you know what I mean like maybe it's like go to this go to the zoo in [02:15:01] Will: 2024 you know and I don't really like supporting zoos because they're **** up they're like you know jails for animals but you know she wants to go check it out like I wanna I wanna go there with her so right yeah this whole plan is based off of like you know it's gonna obviously change up actually develops a personality and like yeah you're complaining on what you and Crystal want but then it's gonna be like like what it's been at what you know so uh yeah that's the beauty of it but I do think that it's very wise and very smart of you to have some sort of outline of your next five years or ten years whatever it is because um it's something that I I kind of have ups and downs with because uh I kind of go through these phases of I'm at this just lift your legs up and let the River float you down I have a lot of those things where I'm just like I don't really know what my plan is I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve here but I'm just my ears and eyes and you know my ears and eyes are open to Opportunities so I don't [02:15:57] Will: Really know exactly where I'm gonna go but I'm floating around and entrusting the world trusting the universe as it as it is but there's also something I discover I think there's Seasons I think there is times to float around and then I think there's times to where like I'm pretty sturdy with where I'm at so like let's send some direction towards it what's the saying the um the ship with no direction or the the sailboat with no Direction favors no wind or something like that uh basically like like whatever win you're trying to catch doesn't matter if you don't even know whether you're trying to go north south east or west so there is some beauty and at least kind of having an outline of I want to achieve these things let's see where the wind can take us [02:16:37] Jacob: Yeah what is like what is it's like success is where like opportunity and preparation meet right or like something like that right yeah like you have to you have to like you have to mix it up you know you have to like again that's why I think like my advice early on is like know what who you are right like know who you are and what you like and as soon as you do that which is not an easy task but as soon as you better understand yourself you can start to figure out like what your plan is because you know what you want or what you like you know and life will throw you a million curve balls but if you at least like have some stuff that you are interested in or like to do or you know what makes you happy and know who you are then you can like then you can at least put together a rough out a rough outline you know yeah I think that's a powerful tool is know who you are know thyself that's uh yeah I think that's my like biggest advice I'm sorry I'm just trying to get through a power source here so I apologize probably dying out yeah but we're [02:17:36] Jacob: Good to go um I mean we're getting fairly up there um I did I was actually going to ask you uh you know basically advice to your younger self like if you had if you had opportunity to open a window of you at this age you experiencing what you're going through now to kind of just like have a conversation with your younger self maybe 16 maybe he's 18 like and he actually listens and might reciprocate that advice like what do you think he would say I would yeah something like you're like you're not as hot **** as you think you are you know what I mean like dude dude you're an insecure like little you know **** right like you think you got it all figured out you don't um and you know no one that's uh that's a great like you think you got it all figured out you don't but like really nobody has it all figured out right nobody does right yeah right it so that's cool but stop acting like you do you know um because when you can chill out and like you know accept it accept who you are you know you're like you're a much better human you know if you know everything you've got nothing [02:18:47] Jacob: Left to learn right to put yourself in dude can you imagine can you imagine like just yeah right like whatever okay any books I read they cannot change me I know it yeah dude it was yeah it was it was nice to hear you talk about that guy that sat on the bench for two years what who was that what was that gentleman's name oh Eckhart Tolle um yes yeah I don't know I don't know who that is have you ever heard of him um so yeah he's a spiritual teacher he teaches very um he's a non-dualism teacher um so kind of I think I think immune kind of say buddhism-ish um a little bit of Hinduism his is kind of like the nature of the self um it's kind of a lot of core teachings have you read much Alan Watts um no it's another philosopher but uh he's not so much spiritual but uh I'm kind of the Core teaching of Eckhart Tolle is um like seeing through the illusion of the self like you're not a separate self like you like we have an ego but we're kind of a we're a little bit of a soul having a human experience and vice versa [02:19:52] Jacob: In many ways but he so his the way he came to it though um if I recall correctly he was committing suicide so he had a accidental he was like trying to kill himself but he didn't fully die and it basically like killed his ego so he had a near-death experience an nde if you ever heard of people talk about those and it woke him up to the trueness of himself like the things that um you know the people we have read you know Jesus Christ and the Buddha and uh you know uh all these other you know enlightened beings that we hear through all these stories they are basically humans that I've had um an experience that allows them to see through on like a con consistent all the time level um the illusion of the self and so they're basically residing um in this area of knowing of they're sitting in this area of Consciousness um it's kind of the same place we're all trying to get through if you hear people talk about Enlightenment I want to become enlightened they are kind of the thing that people who are wanting to be enlightened get or want to get to there really is no arrival and it's based off [02:21:00] Jacob: Of your own karmic predicament you will you will not be you know reach these levels of samadhi or not but um yeah so Eckhart Tolle he's now a spiritual teacher he sits on stages he's very if you've never listened to him he's very frustrating to listen to because he talks the self is laughs I'm gonna lose like he speaks very like that it's frustrating but it's also he says things that like they're um he speaks in Koons which have you heard of Koons koas like I said he speaks a lot in those things and they're kind of if you listen without over intellectualize what intellectualizing what he's speaking about um they bring you to these places that cohans are trying to allow you to see so he has he has a book called um uh be here now I think it's B here now but I would recommend that book that's great for anybody to be here now I will I will check it out do some research but yeah I just like I'll look it up I'll find it um I just like the idea yeah I like the idea of you talking about like you're like sitting on the bench right like what that meant him sitting on the bench for [02:22:13] Jacob: Two years right and like your time at the house in Castle Rock like you know sitting on the bench right metaphorically and I started to think about like my time in like Florida like sitting on the bench like getting my **** together like understanding myself in the world and like you know what was going on um I'd like another time in my life and maybe it's retirement maybe it's old age but I would like to like sit on the bench metaphorically for a little while and like as like a more complete person right like not striving so hard for like change and growth and to fix you know um I'd like to like just sit I think that would be nice to like see what sort of epiphany and like life's lessons come with like you know just sitting and listening and watching yeah no absolutely I mean they write about the um the so like in the in the illuscinian Mysteries uh they basically write about this write-up passage that a lot of young people would go through um back in like the Roman days and um essentially they would say if you die before you die when you die you will not die and it's kind of this experience you [02:23:24] Jacob: Can have um you know and you're sitting on the bench is kind of like coming to some sort of bridge Bridging the Gap between um like seeing through the illusion of who you thought yourself to be but uh if you die before you die that's the ego that dies but the awareness The Observer that we all are this constant uh observes the dissolution of this of this separate ego and so there's things that you can you can sit in that for a lot of times like you said like when you're older it'd be nice to just kind of like really read a lot of these books and just or you know just sit there and experience that like a really experience Stillness because it kind of is the core of what we are as human beings but it's so elusive it's the perfect word for it you know just like the illusory self this silence that persists is also very Elusive and hard for us to there's too much going on all the time and our stories our exacerbating or every movement and why we do things and we're always thinking and we're identifying with thoughts and all these things that the silence the Observer the constant awareness that is [02:24:27] Jacob: There throughout all of those things the thing that sees all of that observes everything that happens you can get in tune with that you can sit with that where it's just that and that's yeah well you're still sitting on the bench rather even if you're laying in the grass under a tree and just met dating like you know you could like yeah the the grass is there the trees there like that stuff can fade away and you can um go to that place but like I'd like to spend some more time there I think um you know I think so like that's like that's why I'm a fan of like psychedelics you know like that that death of the death because then you say well you said again the Roman uh yeah if you die before you die when you die you will not die right right like that's a that's an acid trip to me you know like have you done and I'm not we can edit this if you're not if you wouldn't like to talk about it have you done um psychedelics at all yeah for sure um like obviously not much you know recently but like definitely in my in my early days um I experimented a little bit in [02:25:34] Jacob: College and nothing crazy like I think it's I think it's super duper healthy to have that ego death um and to kind of like I know like I feel like completely connected you know for me they're like nature daytime obviously everyone has like their own experiences but um yeah they're the best you know they're the best of the best they're the best yeah it's for me I know like I've heard some people kind of like discuss them and like you know kind of um successfully capture some of those things I've never really been able to do that uh but yeah there's a there's a uh there's like a childlike wonderment that uh rushes over me in you know in a in a trip that uh it's the best I guess yeah I would very much like to I mean how you talked about when you're older it'd be nice to just you know sit on the bench so to say it would be nice to just you know you're 60 years old and you just take five years and just do mushrooms every day yeah it would become a shrub for a bit dude uh dude I'd love to be a turnip and a shrug for a little while and be sick [02:26:48] Jacob: Just sit there no yeah um like yeah like mushrooms and hiking and you know trying to see it all from it through a different lens definitely yeah I mean it's crazy I think California or San Francisco yesterday just decriminalized um mushrooms really yeah I'm pretty sure I saw San Francisco yesterday earlier this week see that's a step in the right direction I mean it's it's happening yeah it's happening it's uh yeah I am a little bit afraid of the um capitalistic arm that's like you know reaching its way right in through the middle of all of these things but it's just an inevitable capitalism meets everything um but I do yeah but if you look if you look what's happened with like marijuana right like when we were kids you had to buy a bag and you had to sneak around and now like you know like you go you know you go to the store and you can like you know you can literally tell them like even if you're a novice smoker you can be like hey I have anxiety but I don't want to be too it to be too psychoactive or like you can tell them what you're looking for and then they can help that's so like yeah and [02:27:56] Jacob: That's like the cat that is the capitalist arm right that's like one of the byproducts of like real money getting into marijuana um which I'm sure there was Growers back [02:28:05] Will: In the day that you could have done that but like me on the East Coast like we never had the availability so just now like in the last few years where like there's you can legally you know go buy weed um it's crazy so I'm hoping like despite you know the pitfalls of capitalism um I'm hoping like the mushrooms can start like dude there's my buddy got these mushrooms and like during a [02:28:30] Will: Beautiful packaging and it like has the suggested dosage for a micro dose and then if you want to like kind of wow out a little bit it tells you and then if you want to like see God it gives you like another dosage so like that sort of stuff like when we were kids like you eat mushrooms out of a bag right you're like oh let me do like a couple stems a couple calves and like hope everything goes well you can't dude that was the exciting God you could see some visuals like your night's going to be very different based off of your experience though dude I one time my buddy had a trash bag like just a giant bag of them um and I pulled out the biggest cap ever in front of like again like young will like trying to like be somebody like I pulled out this gigantic cap and stem and like nine of my friends are like smoking blunts like looking at me and I'm like I ate the whole thing and then like you know I was like sweating and losing my **** for you know the next like you know I don't remember exactly the time frame but like for an hour I [02:29:29] Jacob: Was like really like lost in the sauce and had like yeah I didn't need that you know what I mean like maybe I did like maybe some good you know good came out of it um man but yeah like the hilarious thing you're taking a huge mushroom caps because you want to be somebody like it's so funny because it's like this ego this experience in many ways yeah right I think you're right I think the um the the beauty that comes with a lot of this like you know the new psychedelic Renaissance that we're experiencing is we now are knowledgeable about it like you would now know and you would recommend to other people like hey if you have an opportunity to have a sack full of mushrooms and you're not in a place where but like if you're just at a party where everybody's drinking and hanging out maybe it's not the best place to take mushrooms you know set and setting is so big with a lot of these things even weed even cannabis even Edibles um people you know we have enough information and knowledge about it that we can not only put that on the packaging that we're selling these things but it could just be another [02:30:27] Jacob: Known thing in the Zeitgeist of doing psychedelics it's like you're not going to let your friend take five grams of mushroom before it goes to the you know the Top Gun movie premiere because you know he's gonna **** freak out right five grams we're gonna do it at my place and we're gonna get pillows and we're gonna wash each other's hands and we're gonna listen to this album and like whatever hippie **** you plan that out because you know exactly the experience that's going to happen when you write this amount right no it's and dude you said it set and setting like it is that is the that's the key to like any psychedelic experience um yeah I mean even yeah that's what I say I repeat that I'm someone I'm a I'm a pretty heavy cannabis user to this day still but I you know when I was going through all that stuff in Castle Rock and Washington where I was going through you know like I said digging up all this childhood trauma and stuff I was I was smoking a lot and I think that um it did allow doors to be open that couldn't have been open with without it but like but again it's a tool it's you know is [02:31:26] Jacob: People call it plant medicine which is kind of you know people roll their eyes at calling psychedelics or LSD or any of that stuff plant Medicine sure there is some eye rolling but it really is I think it's worth treating like a medicine like you could really unlock some places in your psyche or beyond your psyche even rather uh with these tools but it's a it's a medicine you got to be careful you know this yeah definitely I um I uh every time I have like a like really tripping experience um I like I'll have a like a 10 minute period where I want to like call my parents and tell them I love them and then like it breaks my heart because they're kind of from the generation of like you know like don't do drugs like if you eat mushrooms like you jump out a window um and I gave my dad that book The Michael polian um how to change your mind I mean have you read that I haven't read it but I know it exists yeah there's like a Netflix like yeah there's like a Netflix show I think that's like kind of grasp like the book in a Netflix [02:32:26] Jacob: Show um yeah I think well yeah I gave it to him and I don't I don't think he ever finished it but I think it started to kind of change his mind a little bit um right like uh just like getting him to kind of wrap his head around like it's a tool right it's not this like naughty like don't do this thing or you're gonna be forever changed like and that can happen um but that's always like Don known's always been like the fun part like that's always gotten me going you know the these you know who knows what's gonna happen um like you know I we don't have schizophrenia in our family so like I kind of felt confident the first couple times like all right I'm not I'm not gonna break like I'm not gonna like I might feel like I'm never going back um but that's like a normal feeling you know like you're gonna go back to normal um yeah well uh Joe Rogan has said with with uh Edibles he's talked about like you feel like you're gonna die but you're not gonna die you feel like you're gonna die but you know he always says he loves he loves them on planes [02:33:27] Jacob: And I like to that sounds like yeah right so I like if I have a long flight like I'll like I'll smoke a little bit before you know like can just you know pass out and you know have my have my you know West East the West Coast Flight and wake up and be like oh it was great um just like kind of mellow me out but I've done I've tried Edibles on planes and that's like I don't sleep I don't enjoy myself like I am to me like eating's like it's a different it's a different job yeah well so it's actually five times more psychoactive it's a it actually kind of creates a different not only experience but kind of creates a different drugs I think because when it passes through your liver it releases or was it released five dimexal I don't **** know I heard someone else talk about it but it is different drugs and it's five times more psychoactive I actually am not affected by Edibles I don't have the gut you're one of those you're one of those guys take a ton although I never have taken like all right bro I'm taking 100 milligrams let's go to the moon like I've never [02:34:26] Jacob: Done that so like dude we were down we were down the yeah we were down the beach like I guess Last Summer the [02:34:32] Will: Summer before one of the holiday weekends we were at one of Crystal's friends family's house and we're going out on the boats all day and somebody was like yo do you want an edible and uh I was like yeah and they handed me one gummy work and I was like what is it at most 25 milligrams I'll pop it in I'm showing it and then like someone comes out and I'm like yo how much how much were these they were like ah like 125. wow I was like all right oh my God okay this my day is going to be a little bit different I've got about 20 minutes till uh I was like I'm not driving the boat like no one needs me to drive the boat all right at all I'll figure it out and I was like supremely stoned all day um no I mean not all day I was kind of back to normal by like dinner time but it was like it was a definitely like a five six hour like I'm very we also got we for Crystal's 30th we flew out to Seattle during covid rented a house and we're just gonna like there's no bars or anything were open like her [02:35:31] Will: Sister was still living out there we're just gonna party and do our thing and just hang out in the sick house and Magnolia I think in the Magnolia section of Seattle and we all got covered so and everyone felt like **** so we were just like actually living out there yeah we were supposed to meet up I actually remember this yes and we were like it was crazy because we were like stuck like we didn't know like none of us felt comfortable like we couldn't get back on a flight like knowingly having covid everyone had symptoms everyone felt like **** for a couple days so we were like all self-medicating with like 100 I guess who would wake up and everyone need 100 milligrams and we would just watch movies and like melt into like the couch and floor and it was like it was actually very therapeutic and nice but those two times like the highest I've ever been on edible as you planned but [02:36:17] Jacob: Yeah not at all dude I mean I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't listen to this um so forgive me for talking about this but my mom actually like within the last year had a crazy edible experience this poor woman she told me she laughs about it now but it was like crazy for her so she takes these um she's had back surgeries and stuff so she has like a little bit of like uh pain that kind of happens most days and uh she you know after a while she got away from the pain pills like the orange pill bottles and she's been taking like half a half a little um not a gummy but like a hard candy or something like that or maybe it's five milligrams 10 milligrams Max well she's been taking that for quite a while she has this brand that she likes she does pretty much every day she takes like a half of these things she goes about her day she feels pretty good maybe she'll take another one before bed or whatever uh but she was out of the hard candies and so in the same brand they had a chocolate of the same thing and she took that um and then she went to this poor thing [02:37:14] Jacob: She basically went to the country club and so she's in this place where it's like you know a country club is just what you expect yeah yes you know stuffy and golf carts and you know we're uppity and you know we have a couple martinis but they probably don't get hammered or anything I don't know how it goes really this is country club but she's also in this place and I say and I describe Country Club it's not just like some restaurant because my mom like she grew up in like a very small town she was like pretty country like a country club is just not where she would find herself even as a kid like let alone as an adult but she happens to be she's dating this new woman who goes to the country club a lot so she's in this new experience she's never dated a woman before either so she's recently in this like just this new world you know she's loving life she's in this new world takes us edible that she's normally used to taking she's sitting there at the table and she starts to like she's currently getting a little high so she like leans over she's like texting her girlfriend fiance [02:38:06] Jacob: Now and she's like hey uh I'm feeling that edible I normally don't feel but I'm feeling edible and her fiance is like okay cool like keep stalking and she's like talking all these ladies meeting all these nice ladies for the first time she starts like tripping and she starts she gets the point where she's like Julian's over and I guess she says I actually think I might pass out I think I might faint I'm like tripping out she faints at the **** table from an edible um turns into this whole episode long story short it turns into like my mom gets paranoid and she's like she said that she was like going through like some like weird like old memory **** was coming up and she like didn't really trust any of these ladies suddenly she's in the kitchen tripping out they called an ambulance like all of this **** over there I know but uh it's she laughs about it now and like I've had a long discussion with her about it you know and but that is the thing we are dealing with this um I feel bad I just like exposed my mom she doesn't listen to the podcast or anything but um it's a good lesson it's a good lesson [02:39:04] Jacob: For people to like hear I was I was talking to her um what I know about the process of even making Edibles like it's probably I mean you think you know imagine a kitchen in a pan in like you know the liquid that has the THC and the stuff that makes you psychoactively you know react as a human and maybe it floats off the corner of the pan you know and maybe like that corner of the brownie is a **** lot stronger than this other Corner because gravity here you know the weight when they mix it in with the chocolate it's such a thick substance that it doesn't mix quite well and so you just you're just kind of gambling sometimes with Edibles and I think maybe chocolate might be a bigger gamble at this point anywhere so yeah I always try to tell like newer people to like stay away from the bars right like if it's a bar and you're breaking off like a square for just the reason you said what I think works better is like the individual gummies right so if it's like one gummy Works in my head as a like from a factory perspective I see it as like you [02:40:02] Jacob: Know I mean it kind of like shoots in like four spots and then it's like so I mean even that concoction isn't totally perfect um but dude like I like you remember eating brownies like when you're a kid and like you could eat a brownie and be totally fine then you can be a brownie and be on Mars um again like capitalism having like more of a hand in it like has definitely like kind of um standardized the doses um but yeah do we used to get these chocolate bars back in the day that were like so insanely inconsistent and we were like you know early 20s so it was like fun you would like break up a bar and it would be like who is going to be drooling on themselves you know like which one of us and they were like hash oil so they were like intense and we were drinking you know 20 beers a night back in those days like it was just the true like college partying days but it was like it was like a spin of roulette of like who out of the four pieces of the bar was gonna be like really messed up it's crazy how uh you know careless [02:41:00] Jacob: You are with drugs and stuff when you're a teen like think about like the first time my first experience with Molly was one of my good friends took Molly before school one day and I didn't even know what it was and I was like **** with him like I was like I realized that he was reacting to what I was doing and I was like making fun of him and like just making him have a terrible trip like a complete **** but I didn't know any better yeah you didn't know any better yeah and that's how it was like you know after school you get a bunch of as many four Locos as your money can buy you get whatever weed you can get your hands on and you explore you know and so yeah we didn't do a ton of a ton of like mushrooms or acid or anything when I was a teen uh when I was in a later teen we were doing a lot of like ecstasy and stuff so that's another gamble but uh yeah I mean it's all fun but you got to be careful yeah I was a little later to the game like I smoked pot and stuff in like high [02:41:51] Jacob: School but I like didn't really try anything else until like you know the for me like the experimental years of like college and then like you know first real job and post College um that was kind of like my experimenting and kind of figuring it all out um yeah it's well Duty like it's crazy as a child how insanely Reckless you are with your body drug like you just you don't the VA your value of like what this whole thing is just not exactly formulated yet you know yeah yeah you just you just want to feel good right now like you're not thinking about yourself as a whole or like how this experience might affect you later you're just like cool I'll do that's gonna make me feel cool right now all right let's feel cool right now yeah like dude like driving around smoking blunts like in the woods like driving way too fast with a million trees we're like you know what I mean like you're just down this little like country road flying like smoking like it's like we're Invincible it's just bananas um and now like with having a child and I know that's that sort of behavior is you know maybe a little far away on [02:42:59] Jacob: The horizon it's like all right how do I you know how do I make this kid a little bit more mature than I was where they're decision making is a little bit and I still enjoy themselves and you know they still make the mistakes and learn from them but like how do I how do I make her a little bit more respectful of like the value of life you know maybe that's an impossibility but it's like I'm trying to think that way you know yeah I mean I think the art with being a parent is you know whatever [02:43:28] Will: Whatever it looks like Benny when she's 14 she's gonna be stoned mobbing over in a golf cart or something you know maybe 17. you should have some version of exploring her Consciousness or having fun a little bit too much fun with her friends when she's a teen or something and so it's the art of uh you know you and Crystal as parents looking back to how do I teach her teacher lessons that are actually helpful how do I hear her and see her for like hey I did pretty much similar stuff so like I'm not [02:43:55] Jacob: Making you feel bad but like let's look at the future like how do you take the things that you didn't learn in that moment or that you ignored that your parents tried to teach you and try to teach them a little bit better like reach through with your own personal experience yeah well I think like keep telling them about your own personal experiences like for me that's like a difference I would think my parents were like I'm not gonna like I never did any like no dude I did it all like and I will I will tell her I'll give her like bits and pieces based on her age and maturity but like I'm gonna like I'm gonna tell her what I did you know like I'm gonna if she asked me a question like obviously within reason of like her age I'm gonna be honest with her because I think that's how you like cultivate in honest open relationship you know it demystifies it too I think it takes it yeah it's like ooh alcohol to like yeah what do you want to know about it I'd love to tell you anything you would like to know about it from Mike yeah definitely yeah open book perfect [02:44:53] Jacob: Um yeah dude I think that's like my step and the other thing that I will do differently about many things but like I don't my parents always said like you represent me right like you represent me like you represent you know our last name um and you're an Andes and I'm like I'm kind of gonna be like you I you don't owe me **** **** like I just think like I you don't owe me anything like I owe you know and I think that sort of disposition that like you're representing yourself like you're living for you um like I think that for me is like a distinction that I that I will make with her what do you think that is that like a legacy like you're so if you if you want a child to like focus on like their name like their like your name holds Merit holds power is that like focus on your legacy or like what is that what because I didn't know yeah I think so I think it's Legacy I also think like I'm the oldest first born son you know it's some like Game of Throne **** where it's like you know [02:45:54] Will: You're and my father and I we share first and last name we have different middle names so I think that kind of like there's old school whereas like I told my dad because we didn't find out Bennett's sex um before she was born we like were surprised which was fun and I encourage anyone that's having a child to like be surprised yeah because there's not many surprises you can get herself and that was like a true surprise um but I told my dad like if it's a boy like I'm not naming him William Andes and he was like what why like not didn't get it I was like dude because like not that I spent my entire life like living up to you or like looking up to you like or trying to be you but like I want my son to like do his own thing you know like I'm there for him yeah um and I was never like trying to fill anyone's shoes but it was like that whole thing of like you represent me you represent this family like anything you do in the outside world and I was like a well-behaved like kid um until I wasn't you know what I mean [02:46:53] Will: Until I got to puberty and you know my mom like trying to like constrain me and you know and I just like you know I was all right I'm doing whatever I want I'm gonna be a little crazy psycho um but [02:47:04] Jacob: Yeah um I don't know how we got that in this rabbit hole but yeah no what I think just um you know we're talking kind of about like Legacy and about how you know you know your last name does hold some sort of Merit and I look at that from I don't know I don't think I had anything like that I mean my childhood was just different I think there was um I don't know I'm just curious how I operated differently than other people not really because I was always very individual but I was never I'm a rhines like I was never you know um like mine's very much me and I wonder like if I was my dad's name's Jim if I was just Jim Jr if I would have been a little bit more like well what do we represent as orions like what does orions do maybe I would do the do things that my dad did just because he did them and maybe they would that wouldn't be the best thing for me or something I don't know right or maybe like you know now like after all the work you've done you'd still hold some like some negative feelings towards your dad because you did have the same last [02:48:08] Will: Name and you know he made some mistakes when he was younger or whatever like it's I it could be that much or it could be nothing you know I we so we named her we took both of our middle names so my [02:48:19] Will: Middle name is Bennett uh Crystal's middle name is Renee so we did Bennett Renee Andes so her initials are bra which like is nothing but like naming a human is so like oh you probably think about that right yes but so I like once we kind of like we're like oh let's take both of our middle names it's kind of cool Bennett or call her Benny it's little tomboyish like that's just where we landed um I was like nice like her initials are bra like and I like I'm gonna give her that nickname like when she's like eight or nine on the soccer field I'm just gonna start calling her bra and she's gonna hate it and it's gonna be hysterical and I'm gonna tell her like she's gonna be like mad at me that I like made her initials brought like dude this whole thing this whole thing is like super intense and super whatever but like it's just it's funny dude like let it keep it light keep it light you'll enjoy it if you keep it light like you did a dichotomy of life like it's very long and it's life is super short but it's also very long and it's super intense and it's also super [02:49:15] Will: Like funny so yeah so the little like where the word play and the little Giggles you gotta take them man like yeah like that's gonna be your nickname on the soccer field of this bra you know right it's so cool though I feel like that's gonna be part of her personality you know like what's up bro yeah what's up bro yeah exactly [02:49:35] Jacob: Dude yeah that's the beauty of it um man we're getting fairly up here in time yeah dude I think you tried to call it like 20 minutes ago and I just kept ranting so no I again I'm in no rush um I feel like to be honest you and I could probably talk forever so maybe we can do yeah dude I would I would love to do this again now that we've like you know now that we've done it once I would um I like talking to you dude it's easy it's very easy and you're uh you're a good person to bounce ideas off of um I really came with like No Agenda um which I think was like wonderful so like I don't know maybe next time not that I'll come with any agenda but I'll come at least with like I want to bounce these ideas off of you or something you know no that's super fun I do that with uh my friend Spencer who is uh he's just like my ultimate philosopher friend like he goes to college for like philosophy and stuff but I just I'm just a an armchair philosopher who's obsessed with the act of philosophy and studying [02:50:31] Jacob: On my own um so him and I a lot of times we'll do you know three and a half hour long podcasts just based off of like one subject or like one book or one article or one like hey we have this philosophical thought about huntology let's talk about that and like well I mean it's just great so yeah we can we can approach it with a subject so keep that in mind just as you're living about your life if there's something where you're like man I think it'd be a dope conversation to have with Jake just you know make it 100 before I will yeah I'm uh this podcast is very I'm letting it be organic I'm not trying to strangle it too much um I do have I have a lot of I think I told you guys before I have a lot of like guests just sitting in my inbox that I just need to schedule like a lot of really cool people that I pump to have an opportunity to talk to you I just um the scheduling aspect of things is it's not only the act of like emailing back and forth and scheduling and talking to people's assistant and emailing back six different times and [02:51:27] Jacob: Changing the schedule that alone but then also uh just like my job like I work I'm a free I work in the live event industry so I'm just a gig worker like I ran away like sometimes they'll be like hey tomorrow can you work this thing all day and I'm like I guess but **** my plans for tomorrow so it's just hard to reschedule all these podcasts and then I end up turning down paid money for a podcast guests which I love doing but doesn't make the money so it's is there a day of the week that you like don't typically get those phone calls like it's Monday like do you not have to do events on Monday or is it Tuesday you know I've thought about that it's uh weekends certainly aren't aren't the business like I'm very busy on weekends and just I see a lot too so that's a lot on the weekends but um no I was thinking maybe Tuesdays and basically what I was thinking um just to help myself with this whole thing so I had two thoughts so much the name of this for one I was thinking of just doing Tuesdays I'd never take work on Tuesdays pretty much never and I just [02:52:27] Jacob: Do um podcasts and poetry because I'm just starting this starting next Tuesday um in San Marcos me along with someone else is we're hosting an open mic poetry night in San Marcos at this place uh let's concern do that every Tuesday and so I was thinking take every Tuesday off anyway do the podcasts every Tuesday at least get one episode out whether it's I've already pre-recorded it or pre-record post post an episode every day and record an episode every or every Tuesday I just said that confusing basically all my podcasts work on Tuesdays that's what I'm yeah and that's what I was just getting at like if you can if you could pick a day um that could be your day um that's how I would do it too hey do you so as a podcast listener there's something to be said about how long I often wait because a lot of times I take a long time to post and it loses a little bit of the energy by then like if it's a couple weeks after I post it it'll lose a little bit of the energy do you think if there was a live every Tuesday at you know 11 A. M there's either a live podcast or you know every [02:53:30] Jacob: Tuesday at 11 A. M there's going to be a new Junkyard Love Podcast would you be more prone to listen to it and watch that as a podcast consumer if it's yeah I think when they're like you know when like Bert Kreischer and Tom Score like Bank a podcast and it's like and they start talking about something current and it's from a month ago I get uninterested um and I understand the business right like they're super duper busy so I think if you can like if you can record on a Tuesday and have it out within you know two Tuesdays of that I think that's definitely healthier um uh I think it would be tough for me to like listen to a live like if you know I would definitely tune in from time to time but like from a scheduling perspective like you know what I mean like I don't know if I'd be able to like pop in for like every Tuesday at 11 seven there's a live podcast being filmed I think that's cool um but for me I do think it's kind of important to like I don't know get it out because not that we touched on too many like yeah like [02:54:24] Jacob: Now that we touched on too many things but like we kind of talked about you know I was like I said you know that San Francisco made mushrooms legal you know this week so like right you know at the time this is about a month from now then like you know people can kind of time stamp it which yeah you know um that is part there is an aliveness to posting it sooner than later for sure definitely yeah I'm comfortable like I don't you can you can you know whatever I don't know what you have to do to like to make it work but like you don't need to cut anything that we talked about from my side of things nice yeah that's good I mean a lot of times I don't have to but so one I record the audio separately my audio and so I layer that over because I think it does it sounds better than what Zoom records um I also like adding an intro and an outro so that's part of it and sometimes I color correct a little bit too so it's all things that I can live without like I think I'd be fine I don't think anybody's gonna stop listening to my [02:55:16] Jacob: Podcast because those things change a little bit because you color corrected you know the blemishes on my face yeah they're like yeah so it looks you're looking a little pale Jake so yeah but uh yeah I mean that's the art of it I think eventually I mean a lot of what a lot of people do is uh they'll have some sort of assistant who handles all these things and I just show up as the talent like all I gotta do is interviews ideally that would be a cool place to eventually land but you know thus far I'm not in a position to be uh throwing money into the podcast in such a way but uh I do think I think it would be cool so uh this podcast to listen to Buddha at the gas pump back Gap they do okay every episode or every guest they do is live but they also have uh like an open like Facebook group and a couple other things open at the same time and so people can submit questions in real time and he talks to them in real time so it's like oh hey a question just came in from you know Ann from Kentucky and she asked you know this and [02:56:17] Jacob: They and it helps the conversation prayerfully so that is cool but then they also it posts afterwards so it's the live but then it's available I think right afterwards like so whatever was recorded is now available yeah that's actually really cool I don't think it's a bad idea to link that up with like you and your buddy um who have like an agenda thing you want to talk about like you could do it like um like me just spitballing here but like you do like a book club like Hey we're gonna read this book and then we're gonna do a live show and then that way you know the people that want like oh I read that book or yeah let me read that book in the next month and then they're in there on the live chat yeah I like that makes me cool yeah any sort of interactive stuff um that can you still hear me I can still hear you yeah are your airpods done you can hear me yeah they just died and I'm honestly about to pee my pants but okay all right well I'll let you go brother uh man I really appreciate you're a wonderful person I like that too it's great to even [02:57:11] Jacob: Know you let alone have you on my podcast man um I really appreciate you uh let's let's stay in touch and uh you know hit me up once in a while and thanks again [02:57:20] Will: Man thank you I would uh I'd love to come back yeah sounds good all right [02:57:25] Jacob: Everybody love yourself drink some water stretch um and yeah just uh you know love your family be a little more present when you can find the time to just be right where you're at and just enjoy that it's a gift at what age should we learn to have better conversations with ourselves knowledge is power reality is