# The JYLP Episode 093 - I Know Great Men Stuck In Costumes Of Sadness - Episode: 0093 - Date: 2022-12-12 - Duration: 2:07:26 - Guest: *(solo / host-only — no guest)* - Host: Jacob Rhines (JacobFromTheInternet) - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-JtA2fS4Y0 - RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/1d74954c - Spotify (show): https://open.spotify.com/show/45J7CBdM8j29doqyBp2bFs - Apple (show): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-junkyard-love-podcast/id1489118788 ## About A solocast, for those guys who feel overwhelmingly anxious and depressed. Just set your armor down for a second and let me talk to you. I can only offer you my perspective, which is fueled by years of personal experience and learning about myself through books, lectures, videos, podcasts, conversations, determination, and action. I'm still on this 'mental health' path myself, but I know damn sure I'm not alone. Neither are you brother. You just have to start listening. ## Chapters (none published in episode notes) ## Quotes (none published in episode notes) ## Guest links (none published — solo) ## Archive picks Not from Jacob’s published episode notes — extracted from this episode’s transcript. Published About / Chapters / Quotes blocks above stay unchanged. ### Memorable quotes - [00:06:19] Jacob: “We label ourselves as things so we can we have this part of our mind you know the ego part of our mind really it likes knowing it likes feeling safe where it's at it likes knowing that it knows who itself” - [00:16:42] Jacob: “That you need to keep this front keep this armor on keep this it's like we're constantly it's like we're almost taking care of the version of ourselves that other people see and know versus how we truly feel right now and” - [00:17:43] Jacob: “When I finally started kind of getting better and started kind of starting going for me it was just this you know I was suicidal there were so many years of just feeling like a complete bag of dicks and just accepting” - [00:26:11] Jacob: “Do you want your children to have the same thing do you want them to grow up with that well let me tell you the world might have might have convinced you that these things are like genetic that where I'm just” - [00:47:10] Jacob: “Thing Alan Watts calls the backwards law Alan Watts is a philosopher that I really like um he has a thing called backwards law which is basically when you are in a place of lack when you're saying I need to do” - [01:09:03] Jacob: “Admit that it's not working out the things you're doing are not working for you so it's time to do something different you listen do you hear that you have to do something different brother you have to learn new information and” - [01:32:15] Jacob: “You need to update your firmware our Hardware is malfunctioning if you have depression and anxiety and look at man the numbers like again the numbers are crazy right now it's like half of our half of America is depressed like people” - [02:06:00] Jacob: “There's a malfunction brother it's not who you are it's just there's something not working properly it's not you it's not you bud you're fine maybe you haven't been like taking the right actions or maybe you like you know maybe made” ### Chapter-style timestamps - [00:00:15](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-00-15) — Solocast open — re-recording after 30 minutes of rambling - [00:05:18](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-05-18) — Suffering, labels, depression & anxiety in the Western mind - [00:16:42](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-16-42) — Armor — the front we keep vs how we truly feel - [00:17:43](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-17-43) — Suicidal years / starting to get better - [00:26:11](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-26-11) — Genetics vs epigenetics — kids, Gabor Maté - [00:47:10](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-47-10) — Alan Watts backwards law & meditation-as-fix - [00:54:18](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-54-18) — Fight-or-flight armor / Dr Joe Dispenza - [00:56:48](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-00-56-48) — Dad, addiction, eviction, rehab story - [01:09:03](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-01-09-03) — Admit it’s not working — do something different, brother - [01:32:15](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-01-32-15) — Update your firmware — depression numbers & antidepressants - [01:53:27](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-01-53-27) — Growth mindset — who you are now held with love later - [02:06:00](/episodes/0093-i-know-great-men-stuck-in-costumes-of-sadness/#t-02-06-00) — Malfunction ≠ identity — change who you are ### Keywords Junkyard Love Podcast, JYLP 0093, Jacob Rhines, Jacob from the Internet, solocast, men's mental health, depression, anxiety, costumes of sadness, armor, ego labels, Western mind, epigenetics, Gabor Maté, Alan Watts backwards law, Dr Joe Dispenza, firmware, identity, growth mindset, suicidal ideation, brother talk, long form podcast ### Hashtags #JYLP0093 #JunkyardLove #Solocast #MensMentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Armor #AlanWatts #GaborMate #JoeDispenza #GrowthMindset #JYLP #JacobFromTheInternet ### Episode framing (solo) Solo solocast (no guest). Jacob addresses men who feel overwhelmingly anxious and depressed: set the armor down, stop over-identifying with depression/anxiety labels, question genetics-only stories, and take new information and action. Spoken framing matches the published notes — a one-sided brother-to-brother talk from his own mental-health path; title line “I Know Great Men Stuck In Costumes Of Sadness” is the episode title (phrase not clearly captured in auto-captions). ## Full transcript [00:00:15] Jacob: Well I have sat down I mean I just recorded 30 minutes of rambling and realized I've said nothing so I've re-recorded this is uh I've done this I've done this take a few times not even just today I've actually sat down to record this a lot of times and I try to do this without notes because I think that notes [00:00:51] Jacob: I really want to say what needs to be said you know and sometimes my thoughts can be organized by writing and sometimes they can be um overly analytically um hard to follow like a wordy you know and I want to be I want to talk to you I want to I want you to listen to me you know I don't want you to feel like I'm reading a some sort of psychology book to you I don't want you to feel like I'm you know reading off my bullet points or um I'm going to get that it's a one-sided conversation but I hope that you're listening [00:01:42] Jacob: You know I don't want you to tune out I don't want you to this is the one of the biggest things that I seem to come across when it comes to men's mental health is and people don't listen I mean really any mental health it's one of those things everybody thinks that anxiety and depression and mental health is a break glass in case of emergency situation and it's seriously not that we feel good we feel all right we're not thinking about that thing we're busy so we don't think about it we don't bring it up we're feeling all right cool and then it comes up later and it catches us off guard and that's when we [00:02:25] Jacob: Desperately we reach out to friends like me and say dude I'm **** I'm like help my brain's not working right now and I'll tell you everything I can and I send you a bunch of links and I send you a bunch of videos and I send you a bunch of Articles and I tell you to read this book and I tell you I send you this video and I send you a podcast I did and I all these things um you know and you don't **** listen you don't listen because you're waiting till it's time for an emergency to solve these very real problems that you're walking around with every single day all day they don't go away you're just not thinking about they're not the Forefront of your mind because there's other things that need to be taken care of but below the surface these things that [00:03:07] Jacob: Are causing you turmoil are Brewing they're chilling dude they're they're there so you know I don't want to say this as you know if any of my like friends like close friends or people who have reached out to me you know through the spot because I've had a lot of people reach out to me personally um you know and ask for advice and ask for help and stuff and it's the same instance of they ask for help when their house is on fire and it's like what do you want me to do man like you want me to throw water balloons at your burning house you have to **** deal with this stuff when you're not suffering and I know that sucks to hear and that really sucks to hear [00:03:52] Jacob: Because like who's got the time you know this seems like some sort of hobby right this seems like some sort of like oh well that's the thing that guy's interested in that guy likes mental health stuff that's a fun hobby of his like nah dog I was gonna murder myself when I was 26 I was gonna I had a gun against my temple I just knew that I was part of the 27 Club the 27 Club is uh artists and creatives and musicians they when they're 27 years old they overdose or they kill themselves or they're just some sort of thing and I had that I didn't tell anybody but it was just weird background task there's just this thing that I knew and [00:04:34] Jacob: Accepted and like it in my head me to me yeah I'm gonna die when I'm 27 I'm an artist I'm a real artist like what listen to that Madness what the hell that was just a background task that I didn't deal with that I didn't sit with you know so you know I guess I say that hopefully from a place of vulnerability and not a place of um you know if like if you have never put a gun against your temple like don't think that uh well I'm doing all right then I haven't got that far yet like no man if you're here if you're listening to this if you're suffering you don't need other people's story to validate it man [00:05:18] Jacob: You're suffering your suffering stuff sucks you're feeling depression you're feeling anxiety you're feeling the feelings of depression you're feeling the human feelings of anxiousness and our modern world what it does we label everything we identify everything it's like the way that our we think like in the Western World our structures of thought actually label everything we identify with everything and so when you have you know a few weeks a few months a few years maybe a decade whatever you got going on if you have this consistent time of like every day every other day a few times a week whatever it is of feeling depression after a while it's like of course you're going to start to [00:06:00] Jacob: Say yeah I'm depressed I mean I feel depressed like you identify with you label with it and you know and I don't say that as it's like a bad thing you know you know listen carefully here you know I'm not [00:06:19] Jacob: We label ourselves as things so we can we have this part of our mind you know the ego part of our mind really it likes knowing it likes feeling safe where it's at it likes knowing that it knows who itself is so when it could say like I'm a depressed person suddenly it knows like cool here's where I sit here's what like cool I'll feel safe it's like we almost we trick ourselves into labeling ourselves as I'm a depressed person I have depression like it's like some sort of you know like growth on our neck like yeah I've got it you know and there is some senses of thinking about that because I think depression and [00:07:02] Jacob: Anxiety is you know if you've never heard of this example before you know if you have uh if you break your leg and your legs in a cast you know it's very visible you can see like wow this dude's got a broken leg and it's it's in pain does not work properly it has to it has to heal it has to sit there it has to just wait and not be put on under a bunch of strain and there's not a bunch of like when you have a broken leg you don't all right what you need is Sprints man you need Sprints every day for a month straight and that thing will get so strong and sturdy you won't even have to face the truth that it's broken bone nah you gotta relax you gotta just chill out you gotta let the body do what it does and your mind is kind of the same way you have to [00:07:45] Jacob: You know we see the broken leg but we don't see the depression we don't we maybe we'll see the anxiety maybe we'll see the sadness maybe we'll see kind of the hunched over shoulders you know we see it in ourselves we'll see in other people like you know what it looks like when someone's depressed you know you picture you know someone with a hood up you know and if they're happy if they're not depressed if they're confident if they're um you know fulfilled within their own life their chest is out their shoulders are back you know they're they're um their posture is taller their spine is erect you know there's a difference you know we don't necessarily see depression like we would see you know very visibly broken leg for example but you know there is um telltale signs you know we could see within ourselves [00:08:28] Jacob: Um but the reason why I say that is the structures in which we think in our Western World and when I say Western you know the US you know [00:08:45] Jacob: The Western World we think differently than the rest of the world if you didn't know if you haven't watched the damn video If you haven't you know listen to other people outside of your hometown we think differently our structure of what we learn the knowledge that we gain the books we read the way we're taught the um delicacy in which we're taught the aggressiveness of which we're taught the everything that we are this whole structure has built upon it you know we think we are these people this person who is like if I was just born into you know a village of 150 people and I never had a phone I never had [00:09:28] Jacob: Technology I never had um you know all these experiences we think would probably pretty much be the same person just you know with less stuff but we would be so unrecognizable to ourselves you know the structure you're not just born this thing and you're exactly who you are because you were born that way that's a lot of this problem here a lot of us think we're like oh I'm born with depression no there's genetic markers there's um you know epigenetic expression experiences and traumas and these things that can you know depression and these sorts of things and mental health issues do run in my family but that doesn't mean that my experience is out here correlate and [00:10:16] Jacob: Let me back up see this is more of what I keep doing with these every time I sit down to record this I kind of feel like I get into these Corners where I recognize that I'm not speaking as clearly as I should like I like I recognize the people who are listening right now may be like okay what are you what are you saying what are you talking about and that's that's kind of how this stuff goes man this is this is philosophical you're contemplating your mind there's nothing to do right now but listen and allow the words to like move through your body and Usher in Epiphany I always like to say that ushering in of epiphany we think we're the ones who solve everything we think we're the ones like all right cool if I read these books then I me [00:11:00] Jacob: Personally will know exactly what to do and it's like sometimes when you're reading the books the information is being Unwound underneath you inside of you the um false beliefs of who you think yourself to be or what you thought before you read that book if you're willing and you're open to it and that piece of information that you're consuming it can change who you are at the level and you don't the thing is you don't go I am going to consciously choose to change who I am now that I have read this important piece of information you know it doesn't work like that we know it doesn't work like that you have to allow these things kind of work underneath the surface and what happens back to what I was saying with us not listening we get in the **** [00:11:42] Jacob: Way because we think we know we seriously think we know the answers like guys I'm talking right see I'm looking you right in the damn eye you don't **** know if you knew you wouldn't be in this position you need more information you need more knowledge you need to learn you need to step outside of your ego you need to step outside of the way that you've been doing things and you need to try something different if the way that you've been doing things is not working out for you try something different you know I think a lot of this depression stuff when we identify with it allows us to not take responsibility for it and this sucks and this feels very uncomfortable to hear and if you're hearing it like please just keep listening take responsibility for the way you're [00:12:25] Jacob: Feeling do not blame it on genetics on the story The societies like we're depressed and we're a depressed society and suddenly like oh I guess I'm depressed too and you know like that's don't let them do that to you bro that takes away your power I did that for so many years I like I was someone who is depressed I'm a depressed person I went to the doctors and you have a three minute four minute conversation with these people and they're right on your chart cool yep you have bipolar depression they run on a truck cool you have major depression disorder I've never spent more than five minutes in these in these doctor's office visits they don't ask about my [00:13:07] Jacob: Nutrition um they don't ask about they hardly ask about like my physical exercise I bring up all these things my supplement intake my nutrition all these things and it's like they're just waiting for me to quit rambling so they can just tell me that I'm depressed you know they're not **** listening and it's the same thing that we're doing to ourselves we're not listening we're not listening to external input we're not listening to like things that you know weird uh you know mental health dudes with podcasts tell you about like me you don't listen to me but you also don't listen to yourself you have to quiet down you have to you have to get to a point where you can hear what's going on but when you constantly go up move oh I can't do [00:13:50] Jacob: That I dude I can't sit in a room by myself like what are you talking about I cannot sit in silence bro I cannot sit in the car with nothing playing like all these things you tell yourself that you can't do that you don't do because that ain't you well what about the things you're doing don't seem to be working for you know what about that you know what if your relationships are suffering what if you're not able to show up for your family members the way that you want to do maybe you're not able to show up for your kids for your wife in the way that you want to do and what happens here is we make ourselves feel guilty we make ourselves feel inadequate in the story that we're kind of told the story that's like through the Zeitgeist of our modern culture is kind of this like you're not good enough you know [00:14:33] Jacob: You're not good enough because of these things and we **** feel that man and we feel I think as men we feel so inadequate like we're so aware man of like as much as you know in the public eye I think we put up our ego of like I'm **** fine like I'm handling my **** you know like we're good but I think deep down I think we're very aware of our inadequacies I think we're very aware of like God damn my mind is kicking my ass like I **** me and my baby was just crying and like I hate that **** baby I hate it and then we make ourselves feel so bad about feeling these feelings of hate for a baby because we weren't able to like stay patient in that moment [00:15:16] Jacob: We make ourselves feel bad and we label ourselves I'm an impatient person I'm not a good dad instead of you know we label ourselves like we just like you know some sort of outside lens on the outside of the earth just like oh that's who that person is I just watched him do it that's who he is that represents who he is like what are you talking about man okay so you got a little impatient with your child so you're you're a little sleepy so maybe you worked extra so you can pay for the food to feed for that child maybe um you know maybe you got in an argument with your significant other and so your patience is thin and you know the baby just won't stop crying and you know all these things we label ourselves [00:15:59] Jacob: Like I'm a bad dad well no what happens what we're supposed to do is we notice the obvious things we don't have to this isn't even like you need to read a book and find out what's good and bad you know what's good and bad dude you know it you know that when you raise your voice at your wife when you raise your voice at your kid you feel you don't feel good afterwards even externally if you like double down on that thing inside if you're not bullshitting yourself which I mean you've just heard me talk about it out loud so you can no longer **** yourself sorry surprise just listen man you your inner experience your inner truth is trying to kind of guide you but you feel [00:16:42] Jacob: That you need to keep this front keep this armor on keep this it's like we're constantly it's like we're almost taking care of the version of ourselves that other people see and know versus how we truly feel right now and like accepting how we truly feel you know [00:17:18] Jacob: Men's mental health it's this crazy I try to think about why it's so crappy you know why is it so difficult for all of these like why is there not only so many men in suffering but like once they're suffering why do they have such trouble listening like what was it about you know I tried to think about [00:17:43] Jacob: When I finally started kind of getting better and started kind of starting going for me it was just this you know I was suicidal there were so many years of just feeling like a complete bag of dicks and just accepting that and just like really trying to do my external face the best I could but my inside was just suffering and like you get to a point where the anxiety man the anxiety is tough because you can try to hide your sadness and you could put on a fake smile and you could puff your chest out and you know even though you don't have the correct muscles to support it you can make it look like your chest is out and you're tough and all these things you know but the anxiety will give you away when you're not able to be calm in like everyday instances you know you like [00:18:25] Jacob: Just something regular at work and you start like getting anxious um a lot of us so I mean there's different types of people I think introverted people kind of um we turn that anger at ourselves like me I'm very mean to myself in these moments I'm very disrespectful I'm very um self-deprecating I'm very like I'm apologetic externally like I'm so sorry to inconvenience you guys with my you know piece of **** mind uh but I'm just mean to myself inside and there's other people who um It Hurts So immediately to feel those things inside and they have so many guards up against maybe you're one of these people maybe have so many guards up against feeling hurt and feeling embarrassed about having anxiety or feeling the anxiety even in the first place that you boom you project you [00:19:10] Jacob: Trampoline that bad feeling out to someone else and you yell at someone you externalize these things or you judge someone you start talking **** about somebody gossip and this is like women do this a lot when they're feeling something uncomfortable in themselves this is when they're always gossiping and we're like what the **** you talking why do you care a lot of times the thing that men do you know maybe it's not just Universe I think a lot of men just would bring it inside man we shove it in there we're like instead of looking for inadequacies in other people and pointing them out you know women do this a lot and I'm not trying to talk **** about what I'm just trying to give an example of how we think differently um and they gossip they're like oh Cynthia did this and like I would never do that it helps them understand who [00:19:48] Jacob: They are and like gives them a position in the hierarchy of you know beings and people in our um in our civilization but we bring it inside a lot of the times we you know either we act out and we yell or we freak out we have our anxiety attack and we like tell it like it's you know we know how we act when we're when we're anxious it's not our proudest moment we're like you know we're barking orders that people were like telling people no I can't I need to I need to no I need this and um we're just trying to in that moment when we're having anxiety attack or a panic attack we're just trying to **** breathe you know and we're in fight or flight and our heart is elevated in like all the cortisone levels are [00:20:31] Jacob: Through the roof and there's all these things that are going on and we're just trying to like find some grounding in those moments you know and you know like I said either you're doing externally some people do it externally some people do it internally you know and sometimes the internal can start to spill over and you just kind of become like an anxious like mess out here you know I've been there plenty of times bro um but you know the thing is I keep saying you don't listen you're not **** listening you know there'll be a reoccurring thing I'm going to say here and the thing is you're not listening if you get to that spot all the time and that's when you hit me up and that's when you that's when you know think you could pull up the breath work that's when you know listen to the YouTube that's when you [00:21:14] Jacob: Um you know these last straw moments you wake up the next morning and you do your best to not think about them have you noticed that I get texts from people late at night they've been drinking they've been smoking they've been um you know people are doing coke um hit me up later tonight and they're just they're looping their bad thoughts and they're stuck and they're they can't sleep because they're anxious because they're just repeating that say they're just trying to solve it all in their head you know and what's beautiful these people hit me up and a lot of times I'm able to offer you know I could send a big old text I can send YouTube videos I can send links I can send meditations I can send podcasts I can uh hey here's this book that changed my life hey have you heard about this [00:21:57] Jacob: Guy I think he's kind of like up your alley and he thinks like you I mean I'm literally I have so much I love all this stuff I'm so fascinated with it I have been for so many years I have all these different you know mental health hard hitters that have different personality types and they're you know more masculine or more feminine or more introverted or more extroverted or they've had this life experience or they do this or they're an extreme athlete or they're a musician or whatever and it's like so great because I can send like oh dude you would you would resonate like oh you have a military background and so you understand kind of like the Mind Over Matter part um you understand the grit you know I'll send you a Dave and Goggins book you know or maybe that's not working for you maybe you're being too hard on yourself and need something a little soft you [00:22:37] Jacob: Know I can send you um you know like a nice female yoga teacher or a meditation teacher you know so we learn about all these things we learn about all these like the breath work the meditation the um you know childhood trauma all this stuff we learn about it we hear about it but we don't really take action on it we don't really indulge into it unless we're in those moments of struggle have you noticed that people don't listen until they're they're desperate and what I'm telling you is you will not solve this if you only address it when you're desperate if you only address your anxiety when you're anxious you will not solve it if you only address your depression When [00:23:19] Jacob: You're Feeling Extreme depressed you will not solve it I'm telling you look I'm someone who got obsessed with this stuff I got obsessed I was at maybe it's just how I work I'm I'm just I'm just extreme I have to it just works for me and it's it's completely changed my life and now I'm on this like weird path of I didn't plan on this I'm on this path of like I really want to help people in every way that I can and I really think that I you know and I have and it's it's it feels like very in right relationship with me like all the things because I've just changed so much you know my life my life before a lot of these experiences my life before learning about my depression and my anxiety and [00:24:02] Jacob: My myself like what is a self and what's what's soul mean what's it mean to have a soul what's it mean to be a human what are my thoughts where do those come from what is this what's going on who's Jake what does that even mean you know like all these deep contemplative thoughts I just got so obsessed with them um and if it fulfills me now to like I've learned real information man real **** I've been to counselors I've been a therapists I've been to doctors I've been prescribed medication I think I mean it a lot of it sucks let's be honest like that's something that nobody wants to say something that nobody wants to say is that antidepressants are not the only **** answer it's frankly I think antidepressants are [00:24:45] Jacob: Terrible I think they suck I think look I know a lot of people that have been helped by them I would hate for my opinion to stop someone from going to the doctor to get antidepressants like if you think like that's where I'm at you're just about to go in next week and you just heard me rambling on about thinking depression or antidepressant sucks you're like I'm not going to do it like I don't want to I would there's a lot of being careful in this world with mental health and I recognize that and I think it is important but I think that we also dance around **** and I think that men need more direct to the point honestly I think we dance around too much **** I think I think a lot of grown male people need like [00:25:28] Jacob: They need another homie telling them like bro you don't **** need antidepressants you need to change your situation you need to change what you're doing the things you're doing are not working out for you because you're not proud of yourself you're ashamed of what you're doing you're not meeting up to the standards that you think you're able to meet up to you're not showing up for your life how you know you're able to show up you know you're staying exactly the same and wondering like why everything sucks it's like you haven't done anything differently you don't turn 18 and get a job or you know go to college and get your perfect job and like you get a wife and you have a kid and like everything's all good and all your problems are solved no that's not how it works if you're suffering from [00:26:11] Jacob: Anxiety and depression right now do you want your children to have the same thing do you want them to grow up with that well let me tell you the world might have might have convinced you that these things are like genetic that where I'm just born this way and for many years I was so afraid of being a father for that like I was like I'm not going to be a father and I would lie to myself and really deep down I was like I just don't want him to have like a **** up mind like I have I've just suffered so much and my mind is just honestly crazy and it's been so hard for me to work with it that I don't want to bring a child into this world and have them deal with that because that just seems cruel that seems so cruel to give them a brain anything like mine I used to think that all the time [00:26:49] Jacob: But you can listen to this guy Gabor Maté uh g-a-b-o-r um I think it's just m-a-t-e amongst just so many other there's just so many good podcasts on mental health and stuff these days but really I've learned that a lot of this stuff is not genetics we actually misunderstand genetics a lot you know epigenetic expression is something that's huge your experiences are what um turn on certain genes you know your life as a young person being traumatized going through like very traumatic experiences um those are more of what shape you than being born a certain way you know that's something that we really need to shake is like right now if you're listening to my [00:27:32] Jacob: Voice and you have it in your like let me talk to these pieces of you please that think that you're like this forever that think that you were born this way like you're just so **** like you got a bad one you're you got a bad body like you were you're you're the whole rest of your life is gonna have to be to suffer because well you just got a shitty one that's not true that is not true and the way genetics work that you know you can look into epigenetics and it gets really pseudosciency very quick and it gets very woo-woo but uh there's a lot of fantastic information that really helps us understand ourselves and it makes us feel a little more in control of our actions that you know we can see lead to [00:28:16] Jacob: These feelings of depression and anxiety and stuff so firstly let me just say I'll bring it around again you know if you're at a point where you need antidepressants and you're like this is this is I'm suffering so bad that like I've tried all these other things and I don't I like please do it you know it's not forever but I would also invite you to really learn about these things outside of what the doctor is telling you the doctor has incentives and in it's just a whole mess you know I think the thing that happens with our with our Modern Health Care is the second that like if you have depression your next step watch what we do if you can't you admit that you have [00:28:59] Jacob: Depression I'm depressed I'm anxious you tell somebody all right well let's get you into the doctor man it's okay like they're you know they kind of come from a place of love and support if you tell a family member whatever they're like cool all right well let's make you a doctor appointment um and I'm not saying that's bad like I hope that you're reading between the lines as much as you can here I think a therapist appointment is please like yes oh man yes right away as soon as you can whether it's you know they have better help and all this stuff but like as far as I'm concerned if you can get yourself physically in front of a person um you know you can really connect and really understand each other and I [00:29:42] Jacob: Really think I mean dude even just the conversation of talking to another person it could be a male or a female or young or older whatever just get to a therapist they're not going to solve all your problems from for you they're not going to give you all the answers you're not going to go to therapy a couple times and be like uh I'm totally better now I'm completely happy and I'm going to be happy until I die no life is a process life is this whole thing is consistent work and the more you learn now the more you could suffer less those same you can stop tripping on the same curbs that you've been tripping on for years like that you've convinced yourself that this is who I am and this is how my brain works and this is the structure of My reality that's not **** true you can learn new information you could change your future [00:30:24] Jacob: By this you can change the way that your mind is going to work in the future and no I'm not saying that like everybody with mental health issues just needs to do mind over matter and read a couple you know listen to a couple podcasts and you'll be cured I'm not saying that but I think that we really put an anchor around our ankles we really just man we lock ourselves up with this **** we feel the second that we're if we admit that we have depression we're like we need to go to the doctor okay doesn't it I mean you know you know when you go to the hospital you know when you go to the doctor's office it's when you have an injury a physical injury that like and I know I talked about like you know depression you know you see a broken leg but you don't see depression but it's [00:31:07] Jacob: Still kind of in the same ballpark that's true but what are your actions that led up to that's a huge thing and careful because you're going to make yourself feel guilty right away like don't do that don't make yourself feel shameful that's not what this is about this is looking at what's going on and causation correlation you know this is okay it's it's 5 P.M I feel **** sad I feel so much shitty I'm just thinking about my whole life I'm like I haven't **** accomplished anything I'm inadequate I Stumble over my words I've been on the same job for two years I don't really see like you know all these things say it's 5 p.m it's later in the day and that's when [00:31:50] Jacob: You're feeling the depression things are slowing down whatever you had to do that day you know it's slowing down you got to look at what did you do that day though what were the actions that you took as a biomechanical you know structure here did you wake up in the morning and get vitamin D on your skin you know before 11 A.M there's science on that you know uh getting it resets your circadian rhythm um it's going to release all these chemicals what was your breakfast like are you eating a bunch of carbs are going to make you feel like you're digesting a lot everybody has very different reactions with food but nowadays honestly I think that our modern culture has really destroyed our stomachs and our insides that I mean like we can't process these seed [00:32:33] Jacob: Oils that are in everything so it's like what did you eat that day how much did you eat did you over indulge did you make decisions with that food that makes you feel proud of yourself what did you consume did you wake up and did you go on social media did you spend an hour on Tick Tock living other people's lives or concentrating on what other people want you to talk about um you know did you did you wake up and you do something that you're passionate about did you put your phone away and you set aside 15 minutes to play with your dog did you it's 5 p.m are you on your phone at dinner right now is your daughter over there on an iPad and you're not having a conversation with her you know [00:33:16] Jacob: A lot of the way we feel if you're feeling sad at 5 PM right you have to look at what you did that day you have to look what you did that week that month are you going towards your goals do you have any goals there's this thing man we don't talk about it much because it seems like this like the Philosopher's Stone of only people who are on the search for enlightenment you care about meaning in being someone every single human has a desire for meaning we need meaning we need purpose if we're not living up to ourselves if we're just playing video games all day if we're not showing up to um you know if we're not taking our wife on dates if we're not buying her flowers if we're not [00:33:58] Jacob: Um being silly if we're not being fun if we're not being a joy for other people to be around in turn making us a joy for ourselves to be around if we're not working on our passions if we're not um proud of ourselves if we're not pushing ourselves you know say you're not a creative person say that you don't really have things that you sit around at home and you know you don't like painting you don't like making music you're like um writing poetry you know these things you don't have to do those things like what about working on your car what about working on a project car what about um uh you know maybe you've been an athlete your whole life maybe you like love working out are you a part of any sort of gym Community do you have Bros that you at least like give a fist bump that you walk into the gym because you've [00:34:40] Jacob: Been going there for a few months you kind of recognize the same sort of people um do you have a routine that works out for you do you have a way that is setting up your like biochemical suit here to succeed well so you know the food you eat the um the items you drink the supplements you take or you don't take the um the content that you consume the amount of caffeine that you're consuming you know all of these things that we do everything that we do throughout the day is our experience of who we are you know we're always fueling who this person is like dude maybe you feel sad at 5 p.m because you haven't done anything today towards your purpose towards being happy towards [00:35:22] Jacob: Serving your wife towards serving your daughter towards serving your son towards taking care of your dog towards you know you didn't play with your cat you didn't you have to life has meaning because we siphon for it we dig for meaning you know it's right here but we also gotta dig for it we gotta try for it I think that we live in this Wally World of consuming man we're not doing like really think about if you're sitting on your phone for hours a day and you're just you just like this is all you're doing and you're consuming this stuff and maybe it's good stuff maybe there's some good stuff and then maybe some cool facts like tell me how many you remember [00:36:04] Jacob: That's a thing but you're not doing anything you're it's like you're a battery or something you know have you become a battery to other people's agendas have you been are you a part of a someone else's system and you go to work every day and you feed their dreams and you put money in their pocket and you get just enough money to get by but you're drained and you're tired and your body **** hurts at the end of the day and you don't have enough energy to like do anything or fulfill yourself or like you know write a few lines of poetry or work on your project car outside or reorganize the [00:36:47] Jacob: Garage or paint the kitchen or like these things that are like fulfilling and nice and it feels good to like get these things done and we feel like we're moving forward with them you know if you don't have any energy for that because you just gave all of your energy during the day to someone else like of course you're going to feel sad dude and the answer is it the answer isn't found in just like a new job um in a new work environment it's found in what you put action into you know you have to give yourself something that makes you enthralled to wake up in the morning and that's a tough one because that really seems like it shouldn't be something we do right it seems like we should wake up and like ah I love my life and that's [00:37:32] Jacob: Why I'm happy but no I think the truth of it is more so you wake up and whatever your mind is saying whatever's left over from the dream world whatever you know arguments we're still having from the day before when you wake up in the morning man you gotta insert who you want to be and actually I think we should stick on this for a second because I think my life so another way that I was always a victim is I always would say like man I don't get how people wake up in a good mood you [00:38:15] Jacob: Know every morning I wake up and it's turmoil like I wake up and it's just there's the nihilistic thoughts there's the feelings of inadequacy there's the oh it just checked in on my body my body still hurts figures you know it's like we have these it's like say you have like 10 thoughts as soon as you wake up oh we have so many much more in that like our brains are just throwing millions of thoughts a day but say you have 10 thoughts when you wake up and they're all negative and they're all like here's who I am and I suck and I'm going to this job that I hate and it's like you're just reassuring who you think yourself to be [00:38:57] Jacob: But you could change that story for me I would wake up and honest this man is seriously it's like eyes open in you know eyes open here piece of **** ah living sucks living is hard everything you do is difficult everything is heavy it's like I like I don't choose to think these thoughts you know but it's like it seems like every time I you know I wake up open my eyes and I come out of the dream world and I'm just like oh my God was I just being tortured in my dreams what the **** was going on and it feels like it feels like you just played like you played football all night in your brain and your body is so tired [00:39:40] Jacob: Sometimes like sometimes you'll have like some energy you know but the like the churning of the meanness is still going in your head so let me just say like as someone who has been there **** man I'm sorry that sucks I'm really sorry that happens I'm really sorry man that when you wake up your brain is mean to you I'm sorry dude that sucks and I know that it probably seems like you're probably one in a billion for being like that you probably think you're like some sort of weird freak or [00:40:23] Jacob: Something you know because your brain is just you know negative and complaining right when you open your eyes like dude of course your day is going to be hard you're fighting with this dude all day it's exhausting It's Just Gonna Keep compounding by the end of the day now you have the day before his tiredness and it just keeps stacking and of course you've got anxiety about that things start to get heavy and your arms start to feel a little more weak than they should yeah dude so firstly like I'm sorry I'm sorry that you feel that way because it's it's real and man I could resonate with that so much it always felt like it took me hours to even like be functioning in the morning or you know I had to like put on this like crazy put on the mask right away and [00:41:06] Jacob: It's like trying to shove that **** back down there it tried to come up when you were sleeping that pain that trauma that feeling of an adequacy that um the thing I did years ago that I'm still so guilty about even though I know damn well that I'm not that same person anymore and I was just working off you know I don't think that way anymore but I'm still going to try to make myself feel guilty about it every single day it's like bro you learned a lesson let it go it's done let it be whatever you got to do to let that thing go like if in this specific example if you have something that you're guilty or shameful about that you did years ago or you did when you were younger or that you didn't do when you years ago you didn't do when you were younger or where you're at guilt shame it's man that's a sticky one [00:41:48] Jacob: Right let me tell you it's okay for one because you not that right you're not that you're not just that one thing are you kidding me man if you're gonna say this one mistake I made is who I am like what about everything that you've done outside of that what about all the dope **** you've done you've done like what about every time you know someone ran out of gas and you ran him a gas can or you helped someone fix their car or um you held the door open or you had a conversation with your little brother or you helped your aunts out or you did the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner or you I mean there's all these and I'm not even just saying like Good Deed stuff there's a million things all day that we do that you know there's no reason to [00:42:32] Jacob: Feel ashamed about and you know maybe we can feel a little proud of ourselves for you know if we're a lesser man the day before and now we're we're doing these things that we didn't get done the day before we'd feel proud of ourselves so you need to be able to look at where you're at and look how far you've come and go you know what I'm doing okay because likely dude you're probably doing okay if you're listening to this **** right now you're doing okay you are in the process of helping yourself you're not admitting any longer that you don't have to pressure anxiety you faced it you're like **** what's what do they say in the um uh the 12-step program is you know the first step is admitting you have a problem and a lot of this depression anxiety stuff as much as I like I love to really [00:43:08] Jacob: Pinpoint on like don't call yourself a depressed person don't call yourself an anxious person like you're just a person experiencing the human emotion of anxiousness everybody's got that feeling don't identify with it don't buckle down on it but if you can if you can if you can just [00:43:29] Jacob: If you can not identify with it and just experience it as a human experiencing these things and go okay you know create a little distance you got to create a little distance is the thing you got to create a little because you're the Observer of thoughts right you're not your thoughts we all have intrusive thoughts you know I had a actually had a nice conversation with them with Ricky Hall on my podcast you know year it's actually been years now um but she was talking about intrusive thoughts and I feel like I at the time I remember kind of just discovering about wow I'm not such a piece of **** like everybody kind of has intrusive thoughts and like you just don't act on them and it's okay like it doesn't mean you're [00:44:12] Jacob: Bad person doesn't mean you're you know intrinsically evil deep down you know uh you know it's it's like intrusive thoughts are part of being a human in the things that you're doing the things you're consuming might be adding to those you know um I think if you are a nihilistic kind of like I'm gonna guess I can picture kind of like a mean bully you know negative kind of uh anti-social sort of person if that person is listening to just like a ton of dark comedy and is feeling their hate then their internal voice might be like a comedic version of mean you know and I think that's something worth being careful about um at the beginning when I started doing all this mental health stuff because I really like dark comedy [00:44:56] Jacob: Um uh I really love like the nihilism I've really loved like the um I guess I'll go kill myself now like it was that sort of like weird I realized at some point that was actually like very not helping me like it was really contributing to my internal talk my self-talk was just very negative and very mean to myself and it was a lot of that sort of I was using jokes as a way to write it off and it was actually kind of a very serious thing I mean you're joking about murdering yourself that's **** serious just because you're laughing doesn't mean that it's it's not serious so um at the beginning for me I actually I think I stopped consuming like everything that wasn't crazy positive like I oh yeah I did I uh I actually literally even cut off friends [00:45:39] Jacob: Um if I was in group messages I was in um you know friendships that like if we just set funny memes back and forth I'm done if we just um if you're gossiping to me I'm done if you're going to be negative I'm done um yeah I was just I was like I can't there's so much darkness in my mind I need to start shoving some light in that's kind of like where I was so [00:46:08] Jacob: Apologies for the sound of me sipping my coffee weirdly hopefully wearing headphones so it sounds like I'm sipping it like right in your oh I hope you're actually at the gym right now we're at a stoplight and you have to just listen to me I'm gonna do it again [00:46:28] Jacob: Anyway this podcast sucks um man uh yeah at the beginning I was basically rejecting everything like I was uh I was like if it's not going to Aid my mental health if it's not going to fix me I'm not doing it you know um and so there is lines in that there is you know like what I just said if they can't fix me I would like to point out that this self-help stuff can get dangerous isn't the right word but it can get um consuming I don't think it's really something for everybody to worry about I think it's something for people to worry about who are in the mental health Sphere for like years and years but um I think there's a [00:47:10] Jacob: Thing Alan Watts calls the backwards law Alan Watts is a philosopher that I really like um he has a thing called backwards law which is basically when you are in a place of lack when you're saying I need to do these things to get better I'm sick so in order to get better I need to meditate I'm sick I'm disgusting I'm broken so in order to be not broken I need to do this thing the backwards law Alan Watts expresses that by putting yourself in a position [00:47:52] Jacob: Of someone being you know a victim or someone being in a place of lack of not having something you're actually exacerbating so it's like think about it if you if you were fulfilled and happy within your being you would not be looking for fulfillment and happiness out there why would you already have those things you know I think this really I hope that this can thread into what I was saying at the beginning about not identifying as being a depressed person or not identifying as I have anxiety I'm an anxious person [00:48:37] Jacob: I think that gets us stuck I think that um I think that keeps us in a cycle you know it look if that's where you're at and this is all like way too much and it's way too just dense and it's like you're just like man what okay so suddenly I thought I had depression and now you're telling me that I don't have depression I'm not someone who has depression maybe it gets a little too deep for you quickly you'll understand this soon but if you if you're putting yourself in a position of lack of not having something you're kind of like asking the universe in a way to like reaffirm that in a strange sense um you know they talk about in um in like the Law of Attraction and stuff if you've heard of [00:49:19] Jacob: Any of that kind of like you gotta like you know they say you gotta Envision it and you um you in your mental mind you kind of like see your dream life and you see you living it and you and you visualize and all these things um and if you've ever actually done these things if you've ever done any sort of like law of attraction or like manifestation meditation if you give into it I mean especially if you do it like for a few weeks where you really like let your ego guards down man you get these like biochemical like you're you'll sit there in these meditations and you'll be just squirming and you've got chills through your whole body and like in your mind's eye like in your head like you're visualizing you know in your imagination you are seeing yourself you know doing these things and like oh cool I've got this cool red sports car [00:50:02] Jacob: And I got this nice big house or whatever it is that you're trying to you know manifest but um the thing about it though that I've learned over like you know a few years of this sort of stuff like my perception of the Law of Attraction has changed because you know at first I thought it was like total weird and then there was a few months of me like this is the absolute truth and this is how reality works and then I was like okay let's get a little distance from it started kind of like understanding a little bit more um the trick to the law of attraction is living the moment as if it were here and now so like if you were in a place if you were on a beach and you're relaxed and like think about all the background tasks that you can have shut so say you're on a beach you [00:50:44] Jacob: Relaxed you're married you're happy with your wife your child is healthy um you have all the money in the bank that you need you fine on finances your work is okay your family's healthy everything there's no like fires to put out right now you've you've you've been organized leading up to this you know like you guys know how good vacation Works to get up to the vacation you gotta dot your tees you gotta cross your eyes you know um uh you gotta you gotta make sure that things at home are good to enjoy this vacation you've got to make sure that did I leave the **** did I leave the water on to leave the oven on you know like you can't have those background tasks or else you're unable to be present to where you are [00:51:27] Jacob: So what you do with this Law of Attraction when you like visualize yourself in these positions um and it's kind of difficult your first few times it really does kind of take some work this is the thing that you can practice and actually gain skill on but you visualize these things you visualize yourself at the beach and like maybe you're going to think about all the background tasks it's like cool I didn't leave the oven on my family's healthy my baby's healthy you know or you're gonna like look and see oh I have a healthy baby I have a beautiful wife I have my dog is playing fetch this sunset is beautiful what starts to happen In This Moment you're sitting there in your in your living room or whatever in your bedroom and you're visualizing yourself be at the beach you start to your body actually starts to take over these your body has these chemical responses of like relaxing you seriously [00:52:07] Jacob: Feel like you're there and this might seem kind of like a cool little trick but it's actually very profound like really think about the details of this is the like the if you can In This Moment visualize yourself elsewhere and feel it like it's here and now like the way that it's not like you're going to get a knock on your front door and someone hands you the keys of the Ferrari that you just visualize in your head you know what I mean but when you can get yourself in the mindset of feeling that's real in a real sense of like you know what I can kind of see what happens when we [00:52:49] Jacob: Visualize things when we use like Law of Attraction manifestation stuff when we visualize a future for ourselves you know a lot of it's maybe grandiose maybe it's like you know more money than we think we could really make or more you know bigger house and all these things but you really actually when you do it for a few weeks you do for even a couple days sometimes like you can start to actually see the steps in your life now from right where you're at in physical reality right here without the manifestation without the thinking mind you start to a little bit of like a staircase or like a bridge starts to kind of build between where you're at and that thing in some senses you know and when you can kind of like consistently remind yourself about it like really like what [00:53:33] Jacob: Would it feel like to allow myself to have those things like what kind of person would I be like if those things would be happening you know what who would I be for that to be real and when you put yourself in that position when you put yourself in that mindset it's kind of like it becomes more real for one and so your everyday life is kind of like this little instances you know of like you might meet people or shake hands with people or like see things on signs or like be in certain places in certain times that you probably wouldn't have noticed might be in the direction of your future self of your future goal because you [00:54:18] Jacob: Were so actually caught up in just like thinking who you are now or who you've been in the past and like oh I'm just sad person it's like when you can't see a way out you're gonna just keep looping you know and I'm not saying that like the only way you know I'm certainly not saying the way out of depression is to is to sit down and manifest your beautiful life but I think that there is a there is something to be said about getting ourselves out of fight or flight um I think a lot of us are walking around seriously at all times even when we're dreaming in a state of tense you know in that tension turns into armor and it turns into our personality there's this guy Dr Joe Dispenza um which I mean if you love this like we like woo-woo manifestation Law of [00:55:02] Jacob: Attraction stuff if that Sparks you and like you're really ready to you know what I got a couple months I'm going to go ham on this I'm feeling motivated I would recommend Joe dispenza honestly like his sub he has meditation Retreats he has books um he is someone who if you get obsessed with him I think that you really could truly change your reality um you know I'll let you dive into that but Dr Joe Dispenza he says some things that are very profound there's another one that's you know there's some pseudoscience mixed in there's some stuff that's a little weird but there's a lot of stuff that man we just listen it's it's pretty profound so he says this thing um ah a thought becomes an action or no oh no a thought becomes a mood a mood becomes [00:55:45] Jacob: A personality something like that man I butchered it but basically you know a thought when we hold on to this thing like this person wronged me this person did this thing God damn it they suck and then we hold on to that for more than like a day like it doesn't just it doesn't just use its time like all right I had my four minutes of being pissed off about it and now it's my job as a grown ass man to take care of business okay cool that person rear-ended me like Damn it that sucks oh not yeah my whole day is inconvenienced yeah I'm gonna have to you know my insurance and my car in a couple yeah there's all those things cool well let's deal with it you know when you when you can take yourself out of when you [00:56:31] Jacob: Man I'm getting I'm getting into more Corner painting like I'm I suddenly realize that like maybe I'm not being as useful as I could be when I'm explaining these things I want to speak to everybody I want to really speak to the I don't want to [00:56:48] Jacob: I remember my dad my dad was a drug addict and I remember when I was like eight or nine we had like lost the house we had been evicted um you know just sleeping at like neighbors houses and stuff and my dad was just like just on meth and he like finally agreed my mom got him to agree to like go to rehab right and I remember dude he went for a couple days if that I remember he called and it was like this devastating thing for my mom because I feel like she was probably like wow he's going to rehab like we might be able to fix this whole thing [00:57:31] Jacob: He calls and he's just this **** ain't for me they're talking to people who are alcoholics I'm not an alcoholic never had a problem with drinking my life you know this **** is wasting my time you know any um I remember he had I it's funny I remember this very visually I think because it was probably a devastating thing to my mother and I was probably trying to like read her energy and try to understand the situation it was a very confusing situation for me as a young child anyway because there was a I was aware of the truth but I was also aware of um nobody saying the truth and I'm like what the **** are adults are crazy I was I was every adult I interacted with was seriously nutty I did not understand how anybody saw the world but um my I remember he came back and he had [00:58:10] Jacob: Like this like uh I think he spent some time in the military when he was over he had like this like military green sack and it had all his stuff in him I don't know if he like got dropped off by the bus or what he's just like all angry and he was just he was just storming off you know and um I don't know the thing is he left rehab because they're talking about alcohol and he doesn't have a problem with alcohol and he wasn't patient he wasn't listening he was listening to his story of himself more than he was just shutting up and listening to the people and that you know the rehab Circle or whatever it was because [00:58:52] Jacob: You know when you're suffering when you're suffering yourself especially when you're making things worse than they need to be unknowingly and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty don't you dare feel guilty about it's part of The Human Experience something that now that I mentioned you've heard someone talk about it you can notice and go oh man I was making my feels myself feel shameful for it was adding all this extra weight on this problem that I already had I don't need to do that man that's part of being a man to be honest sorry um but you know if my dad would have just **** listened if he would have just listened if he would have just sat down and listened like give it a couple days I mean he probably couldn't hear because he's got Methodist system you know he's he's probably like imagine this man tried to sit down in a circle [00:59:34] Jacob: Like listen to people go I'm I'm James I'm an alcoholic and you know and like I can't help it but I just love four Locos and you know whatever so his thing is you know my dad's just like fancy just hunt you know I don't know I don't think that I could sit in a rehab meeting if I was um had methamphetamine in my system either but I don't know man I think I'm using this as an example of you gotta you gotta **** listen because if he would have just listened if he would have just sat still and you know maybe in this analogy it's bad because he had a drug in a system that is not going to allow you to sit down and like at some point you gotta like let the drug work its way out and then you can start hearing but um maybe you got a drug in your system [01:00:16] Jacob: Maybe you've got maybe your drug is you know maybe it's booze maybe it's weed maybe it's coke maybe it's too much caffeine maybe it's energy drinks maybe it's Adderall maybe it's not even a substance maybe it's not even anything you're consuming maybe your drug is like your continuous **** Loops of inadequacy maybe your drug is self-pity maybe your drug is feeling sorry for yourself maybe your drug is massive victimization maybe your drug is over catastrophic maybe your drug is not knowing how to use words properly maybe your drug is a over catastrophizing things you know that's something that I'd always do is I always look at the whole staircase rather than just this what's this one stay right here that I can take I'm [01:00:59] Jacob: Trying to solve the problem of getting you know there's a staircase going into the clouds and I'm like I can't handle that well of course you can't handle that you knucklehead you have wings but you can't handle one step at a time so whatever your drug is and we've all got them and don't feel guilty about it and you know as far as let me just say external drugs what a time to be alive there's a lot of amazing drugs like have you ever tried ecstasy and Molly holy crap like no wonder that people are addicted to drugs they feel great and there's such a difference from how we feel continuously you know this life is just go more next more next go you're gonna arrive and the suddenly we get older and we're like oh my God I didn't stop and slow down and I had all these things that were just attacking me from the [01:01:41] Jacob: Inside that I could have dissipated long ago damn it you know um you know we live in a world of beautiful colors and dopamine triggers and everything's built like a slot machine and I mean look at like Dr Pepper 23 flavors because they have science they hired scientists this is not that profound but the hired scientists to all right what are the feelings on your tongue that like give you flavor sensation they release chemicals that go ah good I like this yeah you know that comes from finding fruit which was very few and far between over evolutionary process and now that's gamed against us the 23 flavors on our tongue are you know we have these it's difficult man it's difficult out [01:02:23] Jacob: Here there's a lot of good **** beer is delicious I mean you know come on it's nothing to feel guilty about but if you notice that the things you're addicted to whether it's external things external validation whether it's internal things internal suffering internal thought patterns internal feelings of inadequacy these stories that we're telling ourselves this person we think ourselves to be at this continuous loop of **** in our heads if we're addicted to it and it's not serving us if it's if it's not the thing is if you're doing things that are no longer serving you what are you doing that's what's going on man maybe you're [01:03:08] Jacob: Doing things that aren't serving you maybe you're not living in the way that you think that you should be living in the way that you want to be living and the way that you know you're worthy of living you know it's it's like there's a this movie the Freedom Writers and they have this quote and I remember man I used to think about this quote so much and I thought I understood it and I actually I had a new perception of it later in life but uh I think it's Freedom Writers I mean it's Dead Poets Society it's our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure and man that's a that's a I think for men I think for the masculine [01:03:52] Jacob: Like not just our role in society but like how our minds work dude like how our ship functions I think like at the core of life itself I think that this is something that is like part of us that we can't deny I think we have to have we have to have meaning we have to have each of us has something to offer the world and it doesn't have to be like a public like on a stage or I'm an actor or I made this movie or I made a ton of money or like dude there's just like a level of showing up for your life and only the way that you can that if you're not doing it every day you start to suffer there's a thing this [01:04:35] Jacob: Is like a this is a this is like if you're aliens studying the humans this is something that happens I'm telling you a lot of our suffering and a lot of our pain you know we talk about childhood trauma and we talk about um uh you know people even talk about like generational trauma or like karmic experiences that they're unwinding you know all these things like yeah it's all that it's all that there's these things that like you can put a marker on and like okay I can solve that I can reach that like okay that thing that happened with my dad when I was younger man I think that is affecting me so like okay I could dive into that and I can start writing about that and I can free write and you know nobody's gonna read it but you know you get it out of your head you start writing it you start talking to yourself you record yourself [01:05:18] Jacob: And you listen back to it or you don't even listen back to it you just get it out nobody has to hear it nobody has to see it nobody has to read it starts to kind of like solve itself but the thing is what we do and don't feel guilty or shameful about this what we do is we don't look at those things because they're going to go against who we think ourselves to be if you are feeling experience if you're feeling weak on the inside but your external view of how the world sees you and the person you put out the person your wife knows you as is the tough guy the strong guy the guy that can handle everything like you're going to have things that you deny like you're going to have these things in your head of um I mean I imagine like a military guy a military guy [01:06:00] Jacob: I mean man they're really made to shove it down they're really made to like mind over matter in this strange way I think there's like a softer mind over matter that could be um studied and not so much like the David Goggins of like get your **** together you know there's a there's a mindfulness uh mind over matter of like quieting down and refusing to interact with any thoughts that come up and it brings this quiet that like Intuition or like some people would call like God starts to kind of um it's not like you hear voices you know it's like you hear like an external voice other than your own it's kind of just like before the intellect intellectualization before the thought patterns before the personhood is injected into it there's [01:06:43] Jacob: This listening that you can do that um makes you feel like in right relationship with your life I just I just think that this is like at the core of being a human and it's something we're not really taught to be honest with you a lot of um like spiritual stuff a lot of religious texts a lot of this sort of like that whole world there's we threw out a lot of baby with the bath water like to be a functioning human a lot of our internal psychological experience like these other civilizations before us before like now where we're at before just like the science way of thinking they explore these same things like we're not the first generation to suffer man like they there's all this crazy good knowledge and you gotta get you [01:07:26] Jacob: Know a lot of it's it's in different it's in different um you know not languages but like it's a different time frame like look at look at 10 years ago how much our slang has changed look at look at 15 years ago like the way we talk the way look at I'm a I'm a um uh oh my God I just forgot I'm a millennial um in gen Z and lower like the words that they use like they're just flame lit fire dead ass um like you know like just the lingo that just you know within 10 years it's just so difficult to understand imagine hundreds of years thousands of years and different interpretations and different ways of using language and uh you know like if there was all these fires or something or there's all this [01:08:09] Jacob: Knowledge that was lost from these ancient books of religion and spirituality and you know knowledge of the self and philosophy and these sorts of things and it gets retold and what I'm saying I think is um is there's crazy good knowledge and a lot of this stuff but you have to you know don't be a dick don't be like I don't get this **** it ain't me like don't be just chill out you know just stop being such a hard ass and just listen to the stuff and maybe it's not the way that you talk maybe it's not the way that you think but if you just sit and listen to it and get yourself out of the way you know like stop being if you're sitting there listening to an audiobook or listening to a YouTube lecture and you're sitting there going this ain't this is **** I don't think this like I mean you're disagreeing with that information but [01:09:03] Jacob: I don't understand if you if what you're doing is not working out clearly it's not working out admit that it's not working out the things you're doing are not working for you so it's time to do something different you listen do you hear that you have to do something different brother you have to learn new information and you don't have to you know like maybe you're going to start reading the Bible in private you don't have to go get a throat tattoo of a cross man you don't have to you don't have to go to church you have to tell people you don't have to you know I'm not even just saying religion I'm saying like this whole mental health sphere like if you search [01:09:46] Jacob: Man Ted Talks 15 to 20 minute 10 you know 11 to 20 minute whatever they are TED Talks profoundly can change your life profoundly will make you see yourself in ways you never saw yourself before but you're sitting there you're sitting there too busy to listen to a TED Talk you're sitting there like this dude **** talks weird like oh he's a Canadian oh this guy is a oh he's wearing a Patriots jersey I don't **** with the Patriots this guy has nothing to say like stop being a tribalistic idiot how about that stop being such a dumb ape how about that and listen to these people listen to this information listen to me damn it listen to me I had a gun against my temple years ago man and I'm literally [01:10:28] Jacob: I'm publicly on a podcast I almost have a hundred episodes of a of a you know kind of mental health based podcast because I was suffering so bad and I discovered I was able to have some switch flip in me of learning all these things like dude who I am now is so vastly different from the person I was years ago I mean I listened to so much information about this I've read so much information about mental health and psychology and like my entire experience of the world is completely different and I will say I would like to point out I'm not cured I'm not happy all the time I'm more comfortable in my body I'm more confident in who I am you know I [01:11:12] Jacob: Still have a ton of neuroticism in um you know like I said I was I wake up in the mornings and like I said sometimes it's negative a lot of times probably most of the time it's negative but what I do is I insert these good things in the mornings I don't listen to I don't I don't social media **** I don't listen to uh whatever is on the radio I don't listen to whatever is on TV I don't want to like find the sixth rerun of the office and watch it in the morning because it makes me feel comfortable I want to if I wake up in the morning and my brain is saying mean things I'm gonna say nah not today no and I'm not going to shove them down [01:11:56] Jacob: But I'm going to say nah not today what do you really mean is that true like a friend like a Stern friend you know I wake up in the morning and if my mind is saying you're inadequate you're tired uh those dreams that you have those things that you want to accomplish next year like you're an idiot for even like where what are you even talking about like the like were you living in a fairy tale land he has all these things that like I could do all this work on Tuesday and I could go to bed just feeling like man I really accomplished a lot I feel like I fed my brain so well I think I'm on track you know I have these goals I want to accomplish at work I have these goals I want to accomplish in my personal life and man I really feel like I'm on track [01:12:39] Jacob: And you close your eyes and you wake up in the morning and your mind is like you're a big fat piece of **** and it's like what and the thing is what you got to do and what I do now is I laugh at that oh you think so bruh and like it sometimes laugh isn't even real you know like sometimes like this positive person that I insert in the morning does not feel real that's a huge part of this when you're depressed you're gonna do a lot of **** to get out of it that feels fake it feels contrived it feels made up it feels like you feel silly as a **** if someone's watching you do these things if you're uh like married or you have a girlfriend or um if you don't live alone in your apartment like I do if you have if you have anybody watching you [01:13:22] Jacob: Um you're going to feel so silly but trust me when you start to it's not so much that you put on the boxing gloves and you get into the ring with those thoughts in the morning recognizing them is the hugest thing and when you can reckon and when you could when you talk back to them when you like have a conversation with yourself internally or even like say it out loud please say it out loud try that Lily start talking to yourself out loud in these moments that's beautiful please do that but it almost like doesn't deny them because a lot of what we're doing right now like I mean I don't know man I don't know where you're at but if you're listening to this you might be in a crazy state of denial [01:14:05] Jacob: You might be denying that you are feeling such depression you might be like I said you know we push these things away because they're painful and then we break class and it we break glass in case of emergency because it comes back up you start having a panic attack you're like what the **** all this stuff it's like it's like you forgot to batten down the hatch you know properly and so like the oil of you know your inadequacy and like who you think yourself uh you know not to be and what you know it starts to well up it starts to kind of like leak out and you're like oh **** oh no you start to panic and you start you know not being yourself or you act out or you protect your ego or you know your ego protects [01:14:48] Jacob: What it thinks it is um you know you have to I used to say this thing in the morning let's get this bread and it's so silly but I actually did this for many years um I actually still say it sometimes um I have I'm a strange person in the morning now that I'm realizing um I would wake up and like open your eyes your alarm goes off or it doesn't whatever you're tempted to like check through all of your emails you're tempted to check through all of your social media you're tempted to scroll through social media for a few minutes you're tempted to hit snooze I'm telling you these things are harming your life your actions the first 15 minutes when you wake up seriously huge um wake up [01:15:32] Jacob: Turn off your alarm and there's this Mel Robbins has this thing 54321 blast off it's silly but it's like she's like been on podcast talking about it and I started trying it and it's very helpful you give yourself five seconds Nico you want to snooze all right you got five seconds this news don't like you're not hitting the button like could you lay there five four three two one in on one no matter what you make the deal with yourself damn it that you get two feet on the floor you get two feet on the floor and you force yourself a smile and you know whatever you got look you guys know how it is within a minute of waking up you already feel like so much better [01:16:16] Jacob: If you're a depressed person you're anxious person like within a minute of waking up you all you want to do is go back to bed you know you want to just it feels so heavy you start just thinking like God how am I gonna handle this **** today and this **** and like you feel like a one pound man who has to every single day as a job lift up a hundred pounds that's what depression starts to feel like in the morning man it really does and the anxiousness and the anxiousness starts like I feel like depression can really start to start to add up all these depressed thoughts and that gets our heart level up and then we have you know things that happen that are really kind of minor inconveniences but they set it off you know like we saw Will Smith in this lap he walked up and he slapped that [01:16:56] Jacob: Slap Chris Rock it wasn't just in the moment it wasn't really even about like the Jada thing it's like this dude had some **** boiling up within his relationship and we saw the release like who are the people in your life that are seeing the release and to be honest man you need to take responsibility for the actions that led up to that release because if you woke up and you started scrolling on social media boom you just lost a point that's on you have to take action man you have to get up out of bed both feet on the floor and if your brain says like oh I feel shitty I feel bad man it does all this **** that our brain does and it's **** mean and it's like it's whiny and it's complaining you got to talk back to it nap I'm gonna make today the best day that I [01:17:38] Jacob: Can cool start thinking about things you're grateful for literally like shut up those thoughts by shoving in good thoughts and again I mean maybe this wording isn't the greatest because I really don't want to do this spiritual bypassing I really don't want to do the shoving down of these things because you got to bring them back up but I'm telling you if you're unable to like interact with your life if you're unable to interact with these things that are causing you suffering you've got to get out of the fight or flight you've got to get yourself to a place of listening to yourself you've got to get yourself to a place of like easing the pain easing the um easing the like just the storm man just the hail beating on your window you know and listen [01:18:21] Jacob: Brother I've been there and I know it so well like and like dude you can be there for years it feels like and just it's real but you have to do something about it I know that sounds overly like dude I know that sounds like insensitive that sounds like dude what are you talking about you really think I'm not doing anything about it you really don't think I'm not trying things there's so much more that you could do and there's so much more that you need to be doing um on a physical level of like actionable things that are going to add up you know in a lot of those actionable things are feeding your internal brain your internal self with knowledge and actionable I mean [01:19:04] Jacob: When someone sends you a YouTube video or your wife says hey we should check out this documentary it's about mental health and like I'm just trying to like help you out with your mental health and you make some excuse that like to not watch it you're being a **** that's what you're being you're being a **** right now you need to take responsibility for your own Mental Health and man I hope you feel the love when I when I say it like I'm I'm hugging you man I hope that doesn't sound insensitive I hope I hope that doesn't make you feel alone because that's not my intention man I'm just saying like I know it seems impossible I know it seems like dude you think if I [01:19:47] Jacob: Like you think I'm not trying you know you really think I'm not trying I know you're trying and I'm just saying the things you're trying if they're not working out for you need to try something else there's so much wisdom out here there's so much knowledge that you need to start consuming think about what you watch all day think about what you listen to all day if you get in the car and you drive to work and you just listen to the radio or you just put on you know uh Spotify hits or the same playlist you've been listening to that's like kind of sad **** or it's like hardcore um I mean maybe it puts you in like a place where you kind of feel good in that moment but if it's not putting you in place for your whole day to succeed then you need [01:20:30] Jacob: To change your habits you need to start inserting like we've seen the movies you know they make fun of them right in the movies they have like this like chubby bald dude who's like 40 something and he's going through a midlife crisis and he has a piece of **** car and he's driving down the road and he's listening to like the um listen to your thoughts you are not your thoughts you are worthy like you know like we see we've seen that in movies and it almost seems like something you need to make fun of but I'm telling you if you're suffering that's what you need to do you need to find some mantras you need to find some meditation you need to find some positive thoughts because if you don't have the ability to put in some positive thoughts you need to consume some things that will you need to step out of yourself you need you step outside of [01:21:11] Jacob: Yourself and you stop the **** you need to stop thinking that you have all the answers because clearly you don't have all the answers and it's a very cold coffee at this point and I don't have all the answers either you know I don't have the answers at all I mean like the answers to life what's the meaning of life how can I solve all your problems with a podcast you know it's not possible but my thing that I can do for me personally is like this podcast and like stuff that I create like if you know me at all you know that I'm like a creative person I love writing I love um look like I've been around the last couple years I'm writing like a ton of rap a lot of [01:21:53] Jacob: Hip-hop and I never I don't want to be a rapper I'm not trying to be like a Hip-Hop star I'm not trying to like get famous or anything like that I'm like it brings me joy it brings me joy to work on these things and like I like hanging out with myself when I'm writing raps and I'm I'm pacing around the room and I'm listening to beats and I'm like looping the same thing and I'm just like oh man that'd be so cool oh man oh that rhymes and like it's just so it's this fun exciting thing you know you've got to you've got to find a way for you to enjoy learning and enjoy that thing that you do like my thing when I'm doing all these things when I'm recording this podcast that's my work that's my like you have to find your [01:22:35] Jacob: Work the thing that only you can do specifically you can do that you can bring to this world and it's and it's not a book it doesn't have to be a book doesn't have to be a podcast it doesn't have a YouTube channel doesn't have to be a rap doesn't have to be a song it doesn't have to be um you know paper mache and you make your wife of you know the flower picture you know find what you do well and work on it because when you're not channeling your energy into a version of yourself that's greater than you are today in this moment it seems like that space gets filled with I mean I don't know if it's like junk so [01:23:18] Jacob: To say and that causes us to feel inadequate or if there's just like this thing that Wells up in the human psyche of um like feeling bad about ourselves and feeling unable to handle things you know and you have to yeah man you almost have to in order to get out of your own way you have to consume other ways of seeing the world and you know I think therapy does this very well for people their counselors because you know when we're in our own head we think we're like solving all these things and we have all these different points and well I guess this way it's like no you it's like it's all just in here circling and sometimes unless you [01:24:01] Jacob: Get some external input or someone else's view from it you're just going to keep repeating the same things and like think you have think you're solving answers you think that you're coming up with conclusions that make sense but they don't make sense they just reaffirm your ego right now like it reaffirms the safeness of your ego the ego is the thing that is in the cave and it's safe and it's like it's this societal structure thing of don't take action out there because you're safe in here and like man the ego just want like if you get the healthy stream of you know Dr Pepper and Hot Pockets in your body every day and you feel satiated so you don't have the feelings of hunger you [01:24:44] Jacob: Know like uh you know you don't feel the suffering of hunger you know rather than listening to hunger like what is hunger is that actually a craving oh it's a craving okay you can like listen to it and introspect and understand it um when you are listening to just the ego he wants you to stay in the cave man he doesn't want you to find out about life he doesn't want you to you know you're Adam in the cave he doesn't want you to go look for Eve you know he doesn't want you to experience life he doesn't want you to wonder what happens when you when you strike that thing against that thing or wonder what happens when you rub these two sticks together and you make fire like what is that you know it wants you to stay safe in your cave and what's [01:25:27] Jacob: Happening is you're staying in your cave and you know maybe you are in a spot where maybe you're in a spot where you're kind of like coming out of the cave or you're admitting I think again like I've said if you're listening to this video or someone sends it to you or you're in a spot where like you're able to even listen to a dude talk about depression and anxiety and if you're still here like 90 minutes in or whatever it is that's crazy like awesome please give yourself a pat on the bat because on the back because you are making huge progress because I the biggest step for people with depression anxiety is this denial stage of I don't have it I'm not willing to face it um I should feel shameful I'm just a bad person I was born this way I'm stuck like this I'm not going I'm not I'm not [01:26:12] Jacob: Going through this thing I'm stuck in it's who I am this is who I am for the rest of my life I don't really see a future out of it you know you're going to be in these different stages if you're in a stage where you're listening to my me right now I just really seriously sincerely stop and just say man I'm on the right path because you're on the right path and I'm not saying on the right path because you're like listening to me and I have all the all the answers or anything I'm just saying if you are listening to anybody at all give you advice about your internal like mental experience and you have been suffering previous prior to this then you are on the right path you're helping it you know you're it's like I said the first step of um of you know the 12-step program is admitting you have a problem like thing [01:26:53] Jacob: Is you have a problem you don't sit and you wallow about it because what happens with depression is we admit we have a problem sometimes and then we go and I'm just inadequate and nobody loves me and they shouldn't love me because I'm a total piece of **** and I should feel an adequate and I am adequate and I can never amount to anything and I'll never be anything and I can't get out of this and this is who I am and I might as well have another hot pocket and I might as well start another video game and I might as well you know whatever the thing is you're not that you're not that you have a problem you got to solve it that's what being a human is you're a problem solver it's seriously what this experience is on Earth is like in a video game I saw this thing uh in a video game you [01:27:31] Jacob: Know you know you're on the right path in a video game because when you come across the boss but like that's how you know you're on the right path like clearly you're not going the wrong way like you know you gotta level up right what happens in a video game you get strong you start a level one and you increase your mana and you increase your health status and you get items and they help you out and you get spells um and you get cool clothes too that's always cool um you know and you learn and but listen if you tried to go against the level 70 Boss when you're at level one you're not it's not even gonna make any **** sense you're not even gonna get like one hit on him he's gonna hit you once and you're gonna die life is like this bro your job is to recognize that you're on [01:28:14] Jacob: Level negative one right now and that boss that boss bro you might think it's like this big old hard thing because you see these people like David Goggins and they're running 58 miles and they're they've got all these things like maybe your boss is so level one that it's like you gotta eat a banana today bro yesterday you had Doritos for breakfast today you have to throw the Doritos into the trash and you got to eat a banana today that's your boss right and you know it like I said you know it you can't deny these things in your own mind you can't yeah you can't **** yourself you have this internal thing you have this little intuition we call it you know you have this like voice that knows exactly what you're going to do that voice that remembers okay I ate Doritos yesterday and I did [01:28:57] Jacob: Enjoy them they tasted really good Doritos are really good but I felt really crappy afterwards and you know what I felt so crappy that an hour later I kind of started to feel a little sad and then an hour after that I canceled my plans to go to coffee with my friend because I was really feeling sad and my stomach kind of hurt and whatever but if you can make the correlation of like man I wonder if like if I didn't eat Doritos for breakfast if I would feel a little bit better and then you do it and you eat a banana for breakfast or you fast for breakfast you have coffee without the creamer you know you do these little things and you start to you're like teaching your background tasks you're teaching your mind you know you're leveling up you're increasing your Mana you're gaining a [01:29:40] Jacob: Couple items and then in a couple you know a couple weeks a couple months you might notice that like you don't buy Doritos anymore when you go to the store you know what I mean because you're being honest with yourself you're um this is kind of an act of self-love is not betraying yourself when you know that you feel bad doing these things like drinking is a big one man that's that's a tough one I love you know I think some of the connections that I have in my life some of the friendships that I have some of the men and women that I've been able to have like such deep profound beautiful connections and conversations with I've had through alcohol to be honest I'm this social lubricant like I've really always been a fan of a couple you know a beer or two um it just gets you like loose and it [01:30:22] Jacob: Makes me in that environment it's like a lot going on and it really kind of helps me like just be right here and not think about all these tasks you know but if the juice isn't worth the squeeze like yeah you have good conversations but that hangover is taking like two days away from you or The Hangover is um maybe you don't feel a hangover of the sense of like extreme sadness or extreme um like physical pain like throwing up like your typical hangover you know we hear everybody's had a hangover right but I think the day after drinking the day after like indulging over indulging in certain things our mindset that day like we don't even have the ability to show up for ourselves or be strong for ourselves or be patient with ourselves or have a good conversation with ourselves or be nice [01:31:05] Jacob: To ourselves or think about our future goals or um uh you know like you got to look at where that puts your mind these things that you're doing that when you're doing them there's like this hint of uh I don't know if this is the best thing for me and I'm not saying Society since I'm not saying like um God says that we shouldn't you know God punishes the gays so you can't be gay you know it's not like that I'm not I'm just saying like there's not these external rules out here brother there's not these things that stop you out here haven't you noticed it's all inside like the suffering like these things that people talk about in the in Bible and religious texts and like spiritual stuff it's literally talking about the internal systems of our mind because our Eternal our internal systems create our [01:31:48] Jacob: Reality like it creates this like this cup this cup we call it a cut because it has a purpose it fills my liquid in like if I had never seen this before if I had no use for this I wouldn't know I wouldn't call this a cup I wouldn't know what it is we see things as their usefulness our structure of our reality is created by in here it's it's [01:32:15] Jacob: You need to update your firmware our Hardware is malfunctioning if you have depression and anxiety and look at man the numbers like again the numbers are crazy right now it's like half of our half of America is depressed like people are so depressed and we don't know how to talk about it we it's like this impossible task and our answer is go to the doctor and they'll give you antidepressants and that's our **** answer to this it's crazy we hmm let me to digress a bit I want to end this soon I want to like try to draw a conclusion [01:33:09] Jacob: So I think our daily habits are huge that's definitely something I want to emphasize on here daily habits the food you eat when you eat food this might be a huge game changer for people stop eating after like six or seven p.m like literally anything like if you know have like a CBD treat or like a weed treat before bed no that's calories if you wake up in the morning and you have creamer in your coffee no like do black coffee no calories before you go to bed make sure your stomach's not adjusting when you wake up give yourself a few hours before you before you digest maybe try a smooth doesn't work for you fasting really like started to help me and help my mental cognition and I switched to just black coffee too and my coffee is just so great [01:33:52] Jacob: Um you have to you have to look at your daily habits um I know this shit's obvious and I know it's it's like well dude I do my daily habits so I can like feel okay because I just feel shitty all day so of course I want like a video game to at least feel a little bit of happiness it's like the one time I hang out with my friends is on a video game or it's like the one time that I get to have a good day is when I'm drinking a beer at the end of the day or like um you know I work hard all day so I can have a giant you know I don't get off work till 10 pm and so I have to have like a giant meal at 11 p.m and it's just like it's not I can't help it well look man these things are affecting you [01:34:31] Jacob: So it's up to you and nobody else to figure out what's next like if something you are doing or something in your life is affecting you cannot sit on the ground and go I don't know what to do about it I can't do anything I guess I'll just suffer it's up to you there is nobody coming to save you there's nobody coming to pick you up off the ground in these situations if you are suffering and there's answers dangling right in front of you and you're ignoring them this is The Telltale thing of you can't help someone who does not help themselves as someone who is man I'm really trying to help people maybe I'm doing it in my own terms maybe I'm maybe I'm like way too sloppy about this maybe I should keep my mouth shut [01:35:14] Jacob: But like what when are you gonna **** listen who are you gonna listen to I would hate to see my friends and loved ones and people that I that I respect and love and people who are just like me people that I don't know young people do not I mean I'm 30 I think about like all these kids who are teenagers and 20 who are killing themselves who are who are like they clearly don't have the right answers clearly we're not speaking to them properly clearly nobody is saying the right things like what the **** is going on here clearly the answer of go to the doctor and get antidepressants [01:35:57] Jacob: Isn't working you know like at what point like when a medicine isn't working at what point do you stop taking it at what point do you get to the root of the problem and [01:36:16] Jacob: You know I hope that people can find like something to take in this and I'm not trying to be like grandiose I'm like I'm I'm doing what I'm doing God's work here I'm really helped I'm saving I'm saving men's mental health in the modern era I'm not trying to come from that space I'm trying to like I hope I can say things I hope I'm saying things in ways you haven't heard before I think our I think our world is so **** soft right now in a way that is harming our men it's really harming our men like we think we're supposed to be soft back but like really we need to like stand up and be sturdy and it's not stand up and shove down those things it's seriously like I am the problem something I'm doing [01:36:58] Jacob: Is not working out and listen don't feel guilty don't feel shameful about this me saying I'm the problem for me personally correlates to I'm the problem because I haven't taken the time to really sit down and assess what happened to me as a child I'm the problem because my cousin and very close friend died and it really traumatized me and I really never healed from it in I only sleep very well unless I have a couple drinks before I'm the problem because I didn't take the time in the morning to [01:37:43] Jacob: Get my mind right and so I screamed at my daughter at 11 30 A.M and I wish I didn't I'm the problem because I didn't take action because I'm feeling the exact same feelings that I've been feeling because I've been suffering and I'm suffering the exact same way I'm suffering today that I was yesterday and I've done nothing differently and I'm pretending that well I don't know God I don't know I can't do it why am I feeling like this my stomach hurts why did I eat Doritos it's not related there is [01:38:26] Jacob: I would hate because I know that the depressed mind you know I'm kind of like being facetious and jokey right I want to recognize that I know the depressant anxious mind is so **** mean to us that like what you might be hearing right now is I'm the problem you're like you're telling yourself that [01:38:52] Jacob: And that's not true there is a problem though that's huge because I think a lot of what we do is we deny this **** we deny it because it's like seriously freaky to look at like you almost convinced like you're like dude I'm going crazy I'm nuts they're gonna lock me up or something if people knew what my inter if people only knew what I was thinking about they would think I'm a **** freak does that sound familiar I'm telling you bro millions of people men and women feel the same way but we can't have a conversation about it we [01:39:35] Jacob: Have these weird dancing around conversations and we can't be adult we can't be grown-ups about this **** and just talk about it and just like man the big thing it's like it's not you aren't the problem it's like but there is a problem there's a problem and when you when you can say that there is a problem you can then begin to unwind it kind of loses its umph you know there's this maybe I'll end with this if you guys have ever heard the snake the rope and the snake analogy you know say you're on a on a walk and kind of corner of your eye you see a snake you know oh **** when you jump in your body [01:40:19] Jacob: And like think about it like there's this biochemical process chemicals are released in your body it's happened through Evolution like think about it you literally die if you get bit by a snake over the course of all these years so of course it makes sense to well don't want to give up on that snake it frees us out it's not about our personality going I just don't personally like snakes it's really like an evolutionary thing so my car our primitive structure is activated by seeing a snake okay so you're walking you saw a snake ah freaked out you're tense your shoulders are tense your muscles are tense your anxiety is up cortisol is up walk a little bit farther a couple more feet a little more light shines on that snake oh [01:41:02] Jacob: It was actually just a rope in the shape of a snake in my mind saw a snake oh so what do you do now do you walk around in tent state or do you drop your shoulders and go uh it was never a snake my friend it was never a snake you need to see the what's going on with you is a rope [01:41:34] Jacob: And just to extend this analogy farther this might be so corny but like climb up that rope you know like maybe that's a rope down into the well that you're in maybe that's a rope down into the cave that you're in and it's not a snake you don't have to hide from it you know it's not a snake dangling there it's it's like the thing is if you look at it you realize it's not a snake damn it you gotta look at it look at it sit with it and we hear that a lot sit with it what does that mean it's like some like hippie meditation thing sit with it that means we start thinking about these things and you don't have a pro a solution you don't have a way to solve it you [01:42:21] Jacob: You get new information you absorb more information you write out the things that are in your head because what happens is we have these things that start coming and they and they Loop and we're like I don't know the answers to this is tough this hurts it feels anxious like in your body we're so out of touch with our body our bodies start to feel anxious and intense up you know just as if we saw a snake and in order for our bodies to like relax instead of truly relaxing in a sense of like ah it was never a snake we go we'll grab our phone so we grab a Snickers bar we grab a beer we grab whatever our thing is and we've all got them and I've got plenty man don't let [01:43:04] Jacob: Me make you feel guilty about it I've got my **** too I love my phone I'm always on this damn thing but instead of looking for a few minutes just staring at the shape of that snake and allowing our minds to kind of go okay now that I look at it kind of looks like it's like Tan in like a rope is that a rope what we do is we turn our backs to this thing that hurts right we turn our backs we look away and we look over here at our phone we look over at our Snickers we turn our TV on or we get our distractions or we look up porn or we um we try to find love from another person we look at like girls photos and we like them we think maybe they're going to feel it make us feel fulfilled and we're doing a bunch of stuff that [01:43:47] Jacob: We're not really conscious that we're doing it's like our ego is trying to help us out but it's actually sabotaging us more and we think that's okay we're looking for like short-term pleasure to cover over um real and long-term pain and anguish you know we have these things that really happen to us maybe that really was a snake you know what I mean but is it here anymore [01:44:14] Jacob: You don't need to carry that snake in your back pocket and always run from your back pocket you know what I mean there's ways to bring up these things and step into who you really are there's ways to not turn away from the Snake Man and again and again I have to emphasize like do not allow yourself to feel guilty or shameful about these things you're not going to solve it that way man maybe you have something you should be ashamed about maybe you have something you should actually feel guilty for all right you felt it I'm sure you felt it for more than a day huh I'm sure you felt that **** for weeks months years [01:44:58] Jacob: I've done things that I've been shameful about that I lit like I mean man I have if you've ever been unfaithful in a relationship that will stick with you all day they'll stay with you all day every day at all times you're waiting for a text to come in that's bad text you're waiting for a you're waiting for your whole illusion to just break down you know and it's all this anxiety and it's all this distraction from what's really here you're like living layers back because you're protecting this thing that's painful and what you really got to do is go hang on a minute and you look over your shoulder [01:45:41] Jacob: And you stare at it and you wonder about it go huh okay yeah that hurts man it hurts right now to look at it hurts to look at right this second I don't think I could solve it all right now okay what can I solve can I look at this can I at least ask myself maybe I'm not going to get to the bottom of it but all right I was unfaithful why was I unfaithful it just doesn't seem like something I would want to do I hurt myself I hurt the other person why would I want to do that cool maybe that's step one maybe you looked at like why you did this thing maybe you looked at something you're guilty about maybe looked at something you're feeling shameful about maybe you looked at your inadequacies maybe you looked at um you know maybe you're reliving the with the winning play [01:46:24] Jacob: That you missed in your senior year of high school and you were the quarterback and you **** you shanked it man he shanked it your whole life could have been different you could have could have been D1 bruh could've been playing in the NFL if that would have went there's all this story that's going to add up over time too and you're just going to make yourself feel guilty about that one instance of you know kind of throwing the football off you got to look at that **** and realize that it's fueling you it's it's these background tasks are responsible for your everyday reactions if you are reacting from a place of anxiousness if you're reacting from a place of high anxiety you might have background tasks that [01:47:08] Jacob: You're still fighting you might still be in fist fights from years ago in the body keeps the score there's even a book called the body keeps the score you hold on to these things you saw that snake oh you tensed up and then you just walked around like that for the rest of your life bro with your shoulders all scrunched up and at some point someone's like hey bro the snake was never a snake it's just a rope and you can't hear **** because you ain't listening because you think you know the answers because you aren't **** listening listen and not just to me listen to yourself please listen to yourself don't believe everything you think but listen I think you're gonna know when you just [01:47:50] Jacob: Listen that some things aren't true you know you're gonna your mind is Gonna Fill In things and tell you things that aren't true and if it's not like from a place of love if it's not a positive thought a place of how can I best show up for these people that I love and love me and what a gift it is to be in this position because you know as it turns out love isn't free you can't just walk up to anybody and say hey you want to be best friends hey you want to be my wife and be my close you know my close partner hey you want to raise a child together you are in a specific peculiar beautiful special spot where you're at look around man have a little gratitude do you have your parents in your life do you have friends do you have a wife do [01:48:34] Jacob: You have a loved one do you have neighbors do you have a community do you have people at work that you enjoy like whatever you do have you have to be able to pinpoint it and look at it and go okay yeah all right I got it I got and I also got responsibilities to show up for those people and it really is this beautiful thing this active service you're gonna read that and if you dive into any sort of like religious community-based uh I mean religious this in the word um there's these communities in service it's another thing about the human psyche is when you are in service to others you're able to step out of your own **** and you're not thinking about all these things you know like when you're serving someone else you're not serving them so you can get [01:49:16] Jacob: Something but hell if that's where you're starting cool if you're like damn it I feel terrible I'm gonna go to the soup kitchen so maybe I'll at least feel better about serving you know a bum some slop or whatever you know maybe that's an insensitive way of putting that but um I like in that moment bro when you're looking at some dude who's got a sleeping bag in a pair of pants with only one leg still left on it because he needed some shorts just on that side the day before and he's sleeping on the sidewalk in downtown Austin you think you're **** thinking about what you got going on no and what happens in that moment when we're able to serve someone else and step outside of our crap is in the background these background tests that I [01:49:58] Jacob: Was saying you got to look at and it starts to like work itself out in a weird way it's like this mystical marvelous thing the universe does is when you get out of your own way your body kind of becomes quiet when you serve other people when you help other people your body becomes quiet and it's like you don't have to intellectualize all these things you don't have to like I know I've been saying you know get this knowledge and shove it down your throat and read these books and listen to these podcasts and um you know watch his YouTube videos and all this stuff there's that but there's there's this silence that happens when you're in service to others when you're in a quiet place if you're able to meditate this is what happens as well is you're not you know [01:50:41] Jacob: When you're meditating you're not you're not solving all your problems you dork you're solving any of your problems you're stepping out of your way so when you're breathing and you're concentrating on your breath and meditation you've all heard this like all you got to do is follow your breath what happens is the you the you yourself that follows the breath you stop thinking about yourself therefore you stop existing in that moment and so all of your old stories can kind of meh they start to fall away and you kind of get more in peace with what's actually here and you stop interacting with all these stories you stop overlaying your traumas onto every interaction that you have you stop putting the face of the people who hurt you on the face of everyone you [01:51:24] Jacob: Interact with and suddenly you see who they really are and they see who you really are and your interactions suddenly give you a permission to just be to just be this person who's not trying to not be depressed who's not trying to not be anxious who's not trying to uh you know push away the bad thoughts that are happening as he's in the middle of this conversation right now this takes work there's nothing that I've said in this in this podcast episode there's nothing that I'll send anybody there's nothing that I will suggest to anybody that's going to solve all your problems there's nothing that you can do that is going to in one instant I mean you don't this is work you gotta **** listen you gotta work sorry this is going to take I mean I don't know I'm On A peculiar [01:52:08] Jacob: Path because I'm doing this super out loud and I'm so obsessed with this stuff and but it's it's been years you know and I'm I'm I want to tell you I'm not I'm not in like a place where I never feel sadness I feel sad I still get depressed days um I still um and by depressed days even that like I don't like saying that I still have days where it seems that where I have the human feeling of depression it's not all day because look even if I want to say it's all day I could listen to a funny podcast and crack a joke suddenly I'm laughing but then you remember like oh yeah but I'm a depressed person oh yeah all those sad things you know it's just like an argument if you're having an [01:52:51] Jacob: Argument with someone in your head what you're doing is you're continuously bringing up that argument and you're not allowing the anger the thing to dissipate your job is to shut up to shut up and listen you know you gotta just allow the better version of you to come forth and you have to take action as well as shut up and listen and you'll know when it's time to do either of those things or any of those things I mean you [01:53:27] Jacob: Who you are now will be unrecognizable no sorry who you are now will be held with understanding and love in the future you need to be able to go to a growth mindset you need to be able to say look I don't say this a ton of times already but look what I've been doing is not working out for me what's been happening is not working out for me it's not my brain is attacking me and I'm suffering no that's not it that puts you in a place of no action it [01:54:09] Jacob: Puts you in a place of not being able to do anything man it's life in your reaction to it and I get that it's gonna feel super fake and trust me it will feel super fake very often but the repetition of when your mind feels shitty and it's feeding you these bad thoughts and you wake up in the morning and it's like **** you dude you suck you're a big dummy your job even if it doesn't feel genuine your job your work as a man as a provider to people around you your job work you have to do this or you will die damn it [01:54:53] Jacob: You have to say no brain nah man separate yourself into a depressed version of yourself and into a loving version of yourself the real you and the depressed you and when you depressed version of you is saying man I'm doing this and I hated I did this and I'm regretful of this and I'm not worthy of this and I'm so sad you say nah all right what can I do you know what makes me happy at least 1.2 percent happier than I'm feeling right now is a walk outside with some vitamin D on my skin with some sun shining directly on my skin go for a walk do something tell your [01:55:35] Jacob: Mind no and it's not shoving it down it's getting to a point where you can then sit with it later on you don't just wait till it's an emergency to handle this stuff breath work and all these sorts of things these aren't for just when you're having anxiety or a panic attack breath work is you're breathing at all times right now you're **** breathing are you breathing from your diaphragm or up in your chest are you breathing really shallow are you breathing through your mouth what you need to be doing is breathing through your nose pretty much at all times breathing Slow and Low deep breaths and you can train yourself to breathe more smoothly and slowly and it actually raises your overall levels of anxiousness on a constant basis down [01:56:17] Jacob: Trust me trust me trust me think about it biologically when we see a snake we see a lion there's a lion over there heart rate cool get prepared send blood to all of the limbs we got a Sprint bro we got a gtf out of here we gotta go you're you stop digesting properly your fingernails aren't it's not time to grow oh are you kidding me if you gotta run from a **** lion you think it's time for your body to go like hey let's make sure that we have the right amount of blood flow and proper things going to The Nail so we can make sure they grow strong and sturdy it's like no what's not used right now to make this body survive this potential lion or snake attack shut it down [01:57:01] Jacob: And you're in a state of that you have things that are happening in your body that are shut down because you're in a state of fight or flight and you're not thinking logically because of it you're sick because of it I'm telling you like I'm looking you in the eye man through the camera if you're watching this on YouTube I'm I'm telling you're not thinking clearly you have to get to a place where you're calm and that doesn't mean you could solve all your problems and you know forgive everybody whoever hurts you in your childhood and all these things it's no right here right now where you're at share all those things cool yep but right here can you be where you're at for a few minutes 10 minutes five minutes two minutes and you and you [01:57:43] Jacob: Focus on your breath you focus on your breath you know you're training this thing you're training your breath right when you have an anxiety attack if you felt those panic attack your heart rate's up you feel like it's gonna **** explode you pretty sure you're gonna have a heart attack it's like a thing like multiple people tons of people by the way if you've ever gone to the hospital for a panic attack or you wanted to or anxiety attack tons of dudes go to the hospital for panic attack tons of people and they when they tell me about this and I hear about it through other podcasts and YouTube videos and stuff too but when people tell me about this they're still in denial that like they're still in a place of I'm pretty sure it's not just anxiety man like there's no way anxiety is like that I literally thought I was [01:58:25] Jacob: Gonna die yeah anxiety can get that bad your internal thoughts can make your body think that there's a line about to murder you and you get stuck in that for hours on end and think about all the processes in your body that are no longer working properly your digesting your fingernails your um your mental cognacies your memory um your ability to be patient and present with children or your loved ones or your dog or you know any of these things the you have to get quiet Okay so let's wrap this up when you get in the morning wake up in the morning and you're feeling bad you say no it's not an option all right it doesn't have to be unless that's really what you need if [01:59:08] Jacob: You if what you need sometimes what I needed was I needed to run 14 miles and be so exhausted that my brain couldn't fight me anymore so then I could finally sit in meditation if that's what it's going to take you then you need to **** do it's your job to do it damn it do it you can do it you can handle it you're worthy of it who you are right now the person you're telling yourself that you're that you've been or that you've been um I'm showing up as this person who is like inadequate this person who you're like he's he's depressed and um he's just an anxious person like this view of yourself that you've painted **** that guy that ain't you man you're strong you're brave each one of us as men as women as all of us we have the ability to be brave and [01:59:51] Jacob: Courageous and strong and willing and wise and knowledgeable but we have to take action we have to take action and we have to listen so [02:00:07] Jacob: Please I mean all this stuff all this stuff I know it's such a doorway but just open it that's all you got to do I think is if you've listened to this I hope that I've already supplied you with at least a few things that make sense but man from here go to YouTube and search Ted Talk depression Ted Talk anxiety TED Talk men's mental health like start there and okay so that speaker oh they have a podcast well listen to that what do they have to say oh that speaker who wrote that man he said some really good points about anxiety I never even thought about anxiety like that oh he's been a podcast guest on oh he's been on Joe Rogan well I know Joe a lot of people like Joe Rogan I'll I'll watch that one cool I just listened to three hour podcast and [02:00:49] Jacob: In that podcast he mentioned this book that his therapist suggested to him cool I'll give that I'll give that book a try your path your way out this rope that's being thrown down to you is this way this is how you do it this is look man I think I mean a lot of my a lot of my age group on here is Millennials and stuff I don't have a ton of young people on here um but I think that what I try to do a lot of the times is I try to strengthen it and empower the people my age as much as I can or maybe a little bit younger because I truly think that these younger Generations are going to need um Divine teachings like they're going to need us they're going to need us to [02:01:32] Jacob: Act and speak logically and truthfully and um from a place of authenticity in our being you know because they're going to be suffering like man the technology and the social media and just the changing and the food and all of this man uh think about it where you're at right now you think you're going to be there forever that's **** it's not true it's no longer true be willing I'm telling you right now tell yourself nah it ain't gonna happen if for whatever crazy reason you're still two hours in listening to this right now you're done you're on the you're on the uphill brother it's time you're working on it and that doesn't mean it's going to go away and that doesn't mean that you don't feel depression or anxiety anymore you might [02:02:15] Jacob: Feel it tomorrow you might feel later tonight but you're not going to sit and take it you're not going to lay down in the storm you're not going to just oh get your ass kicked every day you're going to start fighting back and when you fight back you're able to be quiet with yourself you're able to listen be able to hear what's actually being said and you're able to get yourself out of the way so you can try it out so you can try to believe it what would it be like to believe that what would it be like to I wonder what when that lady talks about her anxiety that doesn't sound at all like my anxiety but I wonder what it would feel like to be in her shoes huh and you shut yourself up you stop trying [02:03:01] Jacob: To put yourself into that situation you just listen to what this lady is saying about anxiety or whatever and her conclusions her way out start to give you a little bit of a portal you know like you start to go ah okay I have a similar thing that like I can yeah I guess I could probably try that or like oh you don't like running but you know you can do a yoga video on YouTube from your TV all right that's something start your day with that listen man you got to work with from where you're at um I feel like I can keep rambling about this forever so listen please anybody message me on Instagram Jacob from the Internet if you're um if there's anything that I can provide you if there's any books that I can suggest if there's any YouTube videos or podcasts um uh anything I could do to [02:03:51] Jacob: I hope that it's sincerely I'm trying to help because I see suffering and I'm in brother you don't have to suffer so much you know you need more information and you need action so please reach out Jacob from the Internet on Instagram I have been on Facebook more lately but you know I don't know how long that's gonna last that place is a cesspool of butts um I hope this helps if you guys have any interaction or um if you disagree with everything I said please I would love to speak more eloquently not carefully I do not like I don't think we should police ourselves [02:04:33] Jacob: With this mental health stuff I think we treat everybody like they're fragile sissies and I think that's that backwards law is they feel like they're fragile sissies because we're treating them like okay honey and there's there's softness that needs to happen and that is very important and I think you know therapists and counselors are for that but **** man my role I'm I'm I used to manage skate shops I've been a DJ for 10 years I have a podcast I have two full sleeves like I'm not I'm not I'm just trying to be who I am and try to show up for you as what I can really offer and um you know I hope that I haven't said anything that harms anyone I know that this is very [02:05:16] Jacob: Um this is a weird it's a it's a touchy subject because I mean I think with depression there's there's this risk of suicide and I think everyone is so careful to say the right or wrong things around someone who's suicidal and it makes them feel more ostracized bro and like I just want to be the person to say I've been suicidal as **** man I've held a I've held a loaded gun up to my temple um and I just I'm so different now man I really I have learned so much like the work reality is so different now and I just want [02:06:00] Jacob: I want people who are in that spot for whatever reason if you're in that spot you just there's a malfunction brother it's not who you are it's just there's something not working properly it's not you it's not you bud you're fine maybe you haven't been like taking the right actions or maybe you like you know maybe made some mistakes maybe you **** up maybe you said the wrong things maybe there's a lot of work on your personality that needs done maybe you're not even like that likable of maybe you're kind of a **** to be around whatever cool it's where you're at brother it's not it's not worth making yourself feel guilty but if you want a different life outside of this if you want to stop suffering you're going to have to be a different person you're gonna have to change your identity [02:06:43] Jacob: Change who you are and that starts with admitting cool this ain't working out for me and that's where you're at right now if you're listening to this episode I hope that's exactly where you're at if you have already admitted that and somehow this has helped you if you have anybody you can send this to that you think might help them uh if you have a clip out of this you can take like if there's maybe even just one sense or a minute long like whatever you can do I hope this helps anyway you know the deal love yourself drink plenty of water um it was never a snake brother I love you I'll see you guys next episode thanks for listening