# 0100 JacobFromTheInternet - Mystical Experience And Spiritual Practice To Radically Change The Mind - Episode: 0100 - Date: 2023-08-07 - Duration: 2:04:28 - Guest: *(solo / host-only — no guest)* - Host: Jacob Rhines (JacobFromTheInternet) - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaJ_enZhLDI - RSS: https://share.transistor.fm/s/d6e8d312 - Spotify (show): https://open.spotify.com/show/45J7CBdM8j29doqyBp2bFs - Apple (show): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-junkyard-love-podcast/id1489118788 ## About "This is how a human being can change: There's a worm addicted to eating grape leaves. Suddenly. He wakes up, call it Grace, whatever, something wakes him, and he's no longer a worm. He's the entire vineyard, and orchard too, the fruit, the trunks, a growing wisdom and joy that doesn't need to devour." Rumi 0:00 - 22:00 - solocast intro The interview starts at 22:36 I was recently a guest on "The Spiritual Awakening Show" and the last 100 minutes of this episode is that conversation, where the first 22 is a solocast of me blabbering on about my spiritual puberty and hitting 100 episodes. I share my experience having what I've grown to know as "A Kundalini Awakening" and some of my journey along the way. A Spiritual Awakening is very personal and not for everyone to have to know or understand deeply, it is work done by the individual experiencing the change in consciousness. I find myself in a peculiar spot to share some of the journey through my online voice and reach, and that's what I am doing here. Thanks for listening! More on Brent's show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx__XZx3hwg “So, you have to ask yourself: do you think human creativity matters? Well, hmm. Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re not really that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems or anybody’s poems. Until; their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore, and all the sudden, you’re desperate for making sense out of this life, and ‘Has anybody ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ - Or the inverse; something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes, you love them so much you can’t even see straight, you know, you’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art’s not a luxury, it’s actually sustenance. We need it. OK. Well, what is it? Human Creativity is Nature manifest in us. I believe that we are here on this star and space to try to help one another. And first, we have to survive, and then we have to thrive. And to thrive, to express ourselves, alright, well, here’s the rub: we have to know ourselves. What do you love? And if you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you, and it expands. Whenever you talk about creativity, it can have this kind of feel that it’s just nice, or it’s warm or it’s something pleasant. It’s not. It’s vital. It’s the way we heal each other. In singing our song, in telling our story, in inviting you to say ‘Hey, listen to me, and I’ll listen to you,” - we’re starting a dialogue, and when you do that, this healing happens, and we come out of our corners, and we start to witness each other’s common humanity, we start to assert it. And when we do that, really good things happen. So, if you want to help your community, if you want to help your family, if you want to help your friends, you have to express yourself. And to express yourself, you have to know yourself. It’s actually super easy. You just have to follow your love. There is no path. There’s no path till you walk it, and you have to be willing to play the fool.” - Ethan Hawke ## Chapters - [00:00:00](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-00-00) solocast intro - [00:22:36](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-22-36) The interview starts ## Quotes "This is how a human being can change: There's a worm addicted to eating grape leaves. Suddenly. He wakes up, call it Grace, whatever, something wakes him, and he's no longer a worm. He's the entire vineyard, and orchard too, the fruit, the trunks, a growing wisdom and joy that doesn't need to devour." Rumi “So, you have to ask yourself: do you think human creativity matters? Well, hmm. Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re not really that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems or anybody’s poems. Until; their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore, and all the sudden, you’re desperate for making sense out of this life, and ‘Has anybody ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ - Or the inverse; something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes, you love them so much you can’t even see straight, you know, you’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art’s not a luxury, it’s actually sustenance. We need it. OK. Well, what is it? Human Creativity is Nature manifest in us. I believe that we are here on this star and space to try to help one another. And first, we have to survive, and then we have to thrive. And to thrive, to express ourselves, alright, well, here’s the rub: we have to know ourselves. What do you love? And if you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you, and it expands. Whenever you talk about creativity, it can have this kind of feel that it’s just nice, or it’s warm or it’s something pleasant. It’s not. It’s vital. It’s the way we heal each other. In singing our song, in telling our story, in inviting you to say ‘Hey, listen to me, and I’ll listen to you,” - we’re starting a dialogue, and when you do that, this healing happens, and we come out of our corners, and we start to witness each other’s common humanity, we start to assert it. And when we do that, really good things happen. So, if you want to help your community, if you want to help your family, if you want to help your friends, you have to express yourself. And to express yourself, you have to know yourself. It’s actually super easy. You just have to follow your love. There is no path. There’s no path till you walk it, and you have to be willing to play the fool.” - Ethan Hawke ## Links (from published notes) - More on Brent's show (The Spiritual Awakening Show): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx__XZx3hwg ## Tags / keywords Junkyard Love Podcast, JacobFromTheInternet, Jacob Rhines, episode 0100, solocast, mystical experience, spiritual practice, kundalini awakening, spiritual awakening, Brent Spirit, Spiritual Awakening Show, Rumi, Ethan Hawke, long form spiritual podcast, JYLP 0100 ## Archive picks Not from Jacob’s published episode notes — extracted from this episode’s transcript. Published About / Chapters / Quotes blocks above stay unchanged. ### Memorable quotes - [00:03:04] Jacob: “Less pushed a bit too hard and had what's called A Spiritual Awakening I will explain I will break all that down in the coming episode but I had these um you know kind of transcendent experiences these mystical spiritual experiences that I didn't really know what I was doing didn't know what I was getting into um and um you know it's massively dest” - [00:08:51] Jacob: “Continue my life I think I will see these as definitive moments in my life like these mystical experiences these things that I went through these discoveries that I kind of got a glimpse into about um like I said my reality and who I am” - [00:31:31] Jacob: “Um and so the structures that I had created to kind of like you know let's say spiritually bypass from learning from my trauma you know um they did work for me and you know I was successful in certain areas of my life but as I got older you know these things like this pain of this little kid who's still hurting inside me starts beating on the walls” - [00:41:40] Jacob: “Inevitably we stumble into meditation right you know like if you're trying to heal if you have anxiety depression like well have you tried meditation and there's these meditation apps and there's all this all this stuff this whole world of self-help” - [00:47:14] Jacob: “Mind connected to my heart and I don't know how to explain it like I visualized like this thing this something like dropping down into my heart and then they were suddenly connected and then I felt just like a crazy surge of energy” - [00:48:33] Jacob: “Stuck in my body for whatever that means and it was funny because I uh I didn't know what I had done I was like oh I messed up I did something very uh very strange here um I was Googling how to shut my third eye” - [00:50:58] Jacob: “Smoke in the color purple and it was like this crazy blissed out State and um I think it in like after that I think I had a few weeks of being just light-footed as heck like I was just blissed out for a while after that” - [00:52:10] Jacob: “Said you did great man I got it from here and it was like this you know another explosion of just healing” - [01:52:41] Jacob: “collective unconscious but um there's a very personal spiritual path for each of us and it's like it's okay is the thing your personal spiritual path is okay you know maybe suddenly you get this moment like me where you realize that you've kind of been a shitty person and you're not living to your truth” - [01:53:27] Jacob: “Drinking 17 beers a night like I'm gonna only drink 16 tomorrow you know that's an extreme example but it really is like you gotta step on the path where you're at” ### Chapter-style timestamps - [00:00:00](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-00-00) — Body-scan open / get present - [00:01:48](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-01-48) — Episode 100 welcome — solocast intro - [00:03:04](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-03-04) — Mystical / Spiritual Awakening framing (kundalini) - [00:12:05](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-12-05) — Ram Dass neurosis line / still just a dude - [00:15:46](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-15-46) — Plans — weekly shows, transcripts, ketamine therapy - [00:21:55](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-21-55) — Solocast close — Spiritual Awakening Show interview ahead - [00:22:38](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-22-38) — Interview open with Brent Spirit — Jacob Rhines / Jacob from the Internet - [00:25:52](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-25-52) — Floor to Jacob — tell the spiritual awakening journey - [00:30:26](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-30-26) — Backstory — age ~26–27 / life leading into it - [00:35:50](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-35-50) — 27 Club / artist identity darkness - [00:41:40](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-41-40) — Stumbling into meditation / extreme self-help - [00:44:45](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-44-45) — Peak nights — awareness, Greg Braden, heart work - [00:47:14](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-47-14) — Mind–heart connection / energy surge - [00:48:33](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-48-33) — Stuck in the body / fear / “shut my third eye” - [00:50:35](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-50-35) — Hypnosis / purple smoke bliss weeks - [00:51:45](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-51-45) — Inner-child healing — hug teenage self - [00:53:56](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-00-53-56) — Four experiences / energy centers / need for grounding - [01:01:39](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-01-01-39) — Integration — ordinary life, work, not preaching enlightenment - [01:11:04](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-01-11-04) — Artistry / spoken word after kundalini healing - [01:33:20](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-01-33-20) — Spirituality & artistry are personal work - [01:50:25](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-01-50-25) — “Bottom dropping out” in spiritual practice - [01:52:41](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-01-52-41) — Personal spiritual path is okay — step where you are - [02:00:01](/episodes/0100-jacobfromtheinternet-mystical-experience/#t-02-00-01) — Where to find Jacob — Instagram @jacobfromtheinternet / Junkyard Love ### Keywords Junkyard Love Podcast, JYLP 0100, Jacob Rhines, Jacob from the Internet, JacobFromTheInternet, solocast, episode 100, mystical experience, Spiritual Awakening, Kundalini Awakening, spiritual practice, Brent Spirit, The Spiritual Awakening Show, heart coherence, mind-heart connection, stuck in body, third eye, purple bliss, hypnosis, inner child, teenage self, integration, trauma, meditation, depression, anxiety, Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle, Greg Braden, bottom dropping out, personal spiritual path, Instagram, long form podcast ### Hashtags #JYLP0100 #JunkyardLove #Solocast #Episode100 #MysticalExperience #SpiritualAwakening #Kundalini #KundaliniAwakening #SpiritualPractice #HeartCoherence #Integration #Meditation #JacobFromTheInternet #BrentSpirit #SpiritualAwakeningShow #JYLP ### Episode framing (solo) Solo host episode (no JYLP guest page). Jacob Rhines (JacobFromTheInternet) marks episode 100 with a ~22-minute solocast on “spiritual puberty,” mystical / kundalini awakening, and why he is sharing it, then rebroadcasts his guest conversation on Brent Spirit’s Spiritual Awakening Show (last ~100 minutes). Published About: personal change-of-consciousness work; not everyone needs the deep details; he shares from his online voice/reach. Spoken framing matches — trauma/depression path into intense practice, peak mystical experiences (heart coherence surge, body-stuck fear, purple bliss, inner-child healing), then integration, artistry, and a personal spiritual path stepped from where you are. Find him on Instagram as Jacob from the Internet / the Junkyard Love Podcast. ## Full transcript [00:00:00] Jacob: If you'd like to join me in just a quick little 90 second body scan meditation just a quick check and don't call it a meditation just checking in on your senses here we go get present in your physical senses feel your shirt and your pants against your skin feel where your breath is coming from underneath your nose and your diaphragm down below your belly feel your physical tension in your body where are you holding are you holding in your shoulders what are your feet against the bottom of your shoes feel like what do your feet against the floor feel like what is your body against the chair or whatever you're sitting on or leaning up against [00:00:34] Jacob: What does that feel like tune into your senses what do you hear far away what do you hear right here can you listen without judgment can you see what you're seeing not just directly in front of you but the top left of your vision the top right of your vision the bottom right of your vision the bottom left of your vision whole thing do you see it all [00:00:57] Jacob: Can you quickly taste what's in your mouth can you taste what's around can you smell what do you smell in your environment how is your mind going can you observe yourself checking all of those things if you could very quickly just not out loud just in the comfort of your own mind say hello and notice who's the one who heard you saying hello and who is the one who said hello [00:01:38] Jacob: Isn't that interesting be right where you are check your five senses get present anyway here's the episode guys [00:01:48] Jacob: Hi everybody Welcome to the John care love podcast it's me your host Jacob from the Internet it's the Jill episode 100 baby we made it 100 episodes here I am here we are thank you guys so much for listening how cool is that 100 episodes um this one the majority of this specific episode is going to be [00:02:11] Jacob: Um it is a copy of an interview I was recently on another person's podcast and this is that conversation so essentially this man is Brent Spirit he has a uh his own podcast called the spiritual awakening show and we had what's called a kundalini conversation his ballpark in his world um it's essentially he has conversations with people who have spiritual Awakenings you know whether it's Ordinary People whether it's spiritual people whether it's people intentionally doing it or unintentionally doing it whether they're teachers of it whether they're someone who is just a completely regular person who pushed too hard and had this experience um I fall into the category of you know through trauma and depression anxiety all those sorts of things that [00:02:53] Jacob: Uh I identified with um you know not so long ago just a few years ago I essentially trying to fix all those things trying to fix myself I more or [00:03:04] Jacob: Less pushed a bit too hard and had what's called A Spiritual Awakening I will explain I will break all that down in the coming episode but I had these um you know kind of transcendent experiences these mystical spiritual experiences that I didn't really know what I was doing didn't know what I was getting into um and um you know it's massively destabilizing in a lot of ways that's for sure you know that's why I want to talk about these things I want to I want to have them out in the open especially now that I'm in a place of uh you know being a lot more firmly on the ground you know I at least have at least have one foot firmly on the ground you know I'm still there's a lot of these things that I'm still going through I'm still integrating I'm still trying to understand them for myself uh you know like we discussed these Awakening things there's it's layers and layers of understand Innings and realizations and you know these different states of Consciousness that you can be in that kind of take some time to integrate um if you've ever read the work of Eckhart Tolle he had a spiritual awakening essentially I mean he had to sit on a park bench just looking forward for years just trying to integrate it there's many a lot of um you know spiritual leaders and spiritual teachers you will hear they had a form of vacundulini Awakening [00:04:15] Jacob: Of a spiritual awakening it's kind of LED them onto their path now and now uh you know now whether they're teaching specific spiritual tactics or not as a teacher anybody who's had these sorts of things your life is drastically altered afterwards um there's a sense of um there is kind of a sense of I know it's such a heavy word to use in the first five minutes but it is such a sense of like a god or not God sort of [00:04:44] Jacob: Um there is a sense of something bigger than you that's experienced um um not that it's a capital T truth not that really anything that I experience or share is 100 the truth it's just what I try to communicate as my truth it seems right to me it seems to be hey this was my experience uh this seems to be uh an overarching theme to what [00:05:07] Jacob: Happened to me what do you think you know that's really where I come from it's a lot of my I'm trying to integrate my personal actual lived experience over [00:05:15] Jacob: The last you know half decade or whatever and correlate it with the content that I'm consuming with the YouTube lectures and the books and the in the audio books and the podcasts and the conversations and the just all the you know everything I see on social media all these things trying to integrate my actual experience what am I [00:05:35] Jacob: Really feeling what am I actually going through in this moment um and you know on a whole you know what's my overarching story here what's my um [00:05:47] Jacob: What is this like hero's journey that seems to be being presented to me in this strange packaging you know how do you make sense of that how do you move forward so anyway that's what a lot of this episode is man it's um it's kind of me checking in on where I'm at uh Brent is such a wonderful uh host he really kind of lets me blab on for quite a while the first um half this interview is a lot of me kind of explaining some key things that happened to me some like actual um hey here's what I did that night to have a mystical experience um I was in a blissed out state for a couple weeks afterwards um you know and there's so much that I leave out in here there's so much that I was trying and doing an experience one [00:06:27] Jacob: More thing that I mentioned uh you know well I guess I suppose two things there was you know I'm walking outside and uh as I'm going to my morning meditation I just lean over and throw up Brett mentions that in the beginning here if you're wondering what he's talking about this was something that I mentioned in our conversation together I was essentially just like in a very normalized state of what's called purging I was like getting rid of what no longer serves me I'd walk to my meditation cool but I don't need this anymore go along sit on my meditation cushion you know hit play on the guided meditation that I'm gonna listen to or whatever it is among that same [00:07:01] Jacob: Time I had a lot of like strange um you know I'm not saying that these are like explainative or these are capital T truth or these are like um these are very objective things you know but I had I would have animals walk up to me in meditation like be just within a few feet of me coyotes uh I had [00:07:19] Jacob: A deer come massively close to me I would have birds and squirrels like come right up to me as I'm in these meditative States or like right as I'm getting out of them I open my eyes and I look up and there's like legitimate Animals by me um so I just I mean I just had like and again I know that like you know so I'm saying I'm Snow White y'all you know this is not like that I know how it kind of goofy all this sort of sounds so um but I am at a point where I'm just trying to communicate these things not in like a um you know I'm really trying to express [00:07:49] Jacob: This was my experience I'm not trying to impose my reality on other people I'm not trying to um [00:07:57] Jacob: Um you know I'm not really trying to like stomp out anything you know in anything other I'm like I feel that there is room for me to share these sorts of things without me feeling like I'm bumping into a bunch of walls without me feeling like I'm pushing other things out of the way it's very much yes and it's very much um hey man like I'm grounded I'm doing well I'm just normal dude like you know I have my own struggles I have my own um you know things that I work with just on a day-to-day basis just being a human [00:08:24] Jacob: I have you know my own neuroses you know all these things very much there I'm so much human but also I had these life-altering experiences [00:08:35] Jacob: Um you know basically when I turned 26 to like you know I guess 30 um that um or you know nothing short of fascinating and um I think that I will go on uh with as I [00:08:51] Jacob: Continue my life I think I will see these as definitive moments in my life like these mystical experiences these things that I went through these discoveries that I kind of got a glimpse into about um like I said my reality and who I am in the in these sorts of things again I know as I'm saying this it sounds like it's like I know something you don't and I experience something you don't now I'm special it's not so much that there is all that but I'm I'm massively aware of it and I don't want to come from that place because I feel like it uh it kind of muddies the point it kind of muddies the coolness of this conversation so um [00:09:25] Jacob: Yeah man anyway if you see me on the street don't uh like I'm not trying to share this to be treated a certain type of way um I think that naturally I have like a you know just my place in with my [00:09:40] Jacob: Friends and with the people that I'm around I'd like to think that I have maybe a spiritual tendency to me I think I have like this loving um thing that I uh even before all these spiritual experiences that seem to be you know in right relationship with me personally um and those sorts of things are kind of Amplified in a way so I don't know man um I uh I'm just trying to [00:10:08] Jacob: Um you know in integrate and live out this stuff to the fullest extent of my truth and I'm you know I'm trying to figure out what the heck that means along the way so that's what a lot of this at this podcast has been you know this whole thing has been my mental health Journey so you guys know that I've been super open and uh explorative about my own insides you know I've been I've definitely over shared in so many ways and sometimes that makes me feel a little a little like my flanks are wide open like it makes me feel a little too vulnerable it makes me feel like I didn't set the [00:10:37] Jacob: Right boundaries with me and even my audience you know it's like is open in um uh welcoming I am to really any levels of conversation I always want to have room for whatever needs to come up in that moment there's also um some difficulty with me sharing these sorts of things because they are very personal I still put my foot in my mouth a lot of it I'm still like man I'm still writing my journals I'm still typing a lot of stuff all the time every day and it still is like I'm not fully understanding a lot of this stuff I'm still trying to find my own stable structure um Yeah man so it's uh I try to show [00:11:15] Jacob: Up where I'm at but I also feel it makes me feel that type of way when I over share too much that's a tendency that I have over explaining or over sharing you know here I am this entire intro I could have said hey this is a conversation that I had on the podcast enjoy I'll see you later but here I am 10 minutes later over explaining these sorts of things so it's clearly still something that I'm working through this is now the fourth I [00:11:38] Jacob: Mean the fourth day that I've tried recording some sort of intro I had a 50 or 40 minute long intro yesterday um I was having some technical difficulties and I listened to it back and I didn't like it and I thought that I was a little too overly exposed I thought that um uh I was trying to like shape the way that other people see me so I mean anyway this is all this is all just you know the trials and tribulations of my journey as I share it out loud [00:12:05] Jacob: Um just like you know uh ramdas would say um you know I've done he would say I've done 35 years of intense and deep [00:12:13] Jacob: Meditation practice and I've still never gotten rid of a single Neurosis you know you would say that and it's always been it's such the truth you know like I have made these legitimate progress you know I've spent some like serious time over the last few years and like very dedicated um you know you know nearing some level of monastic states of thinking and [00:12:36] Jacob: Contemplation and reading philosophical texts and like just meditating it's just all this stuff but I'm still you know I'm still very much from just me you know I just have my own my own [ __ ] um uh you know I'm just I'm just a dude [00:12:51] Jacob: So it's cool anybody is listening to me so I you know I guess without trying to explain it into Oblivion I hope that you guys continue to hear just that from me and hopefully that comes from a place of sincerity as I'm explaining it you know I'm just I'm not trying to present myself in any sort of way I'm not trying to say like I'm spiritual now I've had these experiences I'm not trying to say that I'm some sort of arbiter of anything that um is uh you know you know none of [00:13:19] Jacob: These experiences give me they don't grant me access to anything um special they don't give me [00:13:28] Jacob: Um you know they don't grant me permission to say exactly what I want they don't they don't um you know I just see that this is almost like a power Dynamic thing in some sort of ways you know a lot of times I'll listen to these on YouTube there will be people who will share their um here's what happened during my kundalini Awakening and a lot of it is [00:13:50] Jacob: So it's very disassociated you know um I hear that a lot of my own writing and a lot of my own like poetry and artistic work too so I have to kind of balance that myself but like when I hear other people talk about their kundalini Awakening they have this experience a lot of times it really to me it sounds a lot like they're coming from they're still stuck in a victim State this is something that I'm consistently working for too you know I'm trying to keep my mind out of a place where it's a fixed mindset I want to be growth mindset type of individual but I also am trying to be gentle and soft and honest with myself about where I'm where I'm really at when I'm really capable of um uh what I what I need that day how [00:14:28] Jacob: That matches with my overarching goals of you know in my plans for my life these sorts of things so um I don't know I think that I hear so many examples of other people sharing their experience having a kundalini [00:14:43] Jacob: Awakening as much as I resonate with so much of it much of it sounds so much elegant you know I think from an outside perspective if you haven't had these sorts of experiences I mean I feel like this could potentially sound just massively cringed massively um you know icky and some sort of strange way so I hope it doesn't really hit that hit that vein with anybody who's listening um I hope it um I hope now that I've over explained it to Oblivion that now is uh now it goes [00:15:13] Jacob: Down smooth so anyway I have these spiritual experiences here is an interview of me talking about them thank you guys so much for listening to um you know any time of my podcast whether it's the clips whether it's all these episodes whether this is your first episode you know welcome thanks so much I'm gonna keep going I have some plans to like make this uh actually it's gonna come into the Forefront of my priorities here it's kind of one of the plans that I'm working towards so uh we're gonna keep going man I have a lot of cool guests on the on the docket I [00:15:46] Jacob: Have some scheduling things where I want to do be posting once uh once a week at a designated time I have some upgrades coming in the world of audio and like making in the clips I want to make it to where all the episodes are um transcribed so people can listen to them without listening to them if they would like over on YouTube I also I recently just did ketamine therapy I've been going through that I've done quite a few sessions of that [00:16:14] Jacob: So I actually I had as much as I had planned to initially record myself I was gonna have a video recording audio recording of me during one of these sessions because it's a it's a solo thing that you do at home you have an eye mask on you basically trip for 90 minutes to two hours and you have these [00:16:33] Jacob: Like massively psychedelic Transcendent experiences I was going to record myself but I thought actually after a while that it may hinder my actual experience [00:16:42] Jacob: You know here's the thing is I'm as much as I want to bring everybody along the way and much as I want to share my experience because it helps everybody like I can't muddy the Waters of my actual mental health because I'm trying too quickly to share it so that's something that I definitely have to take into consideration so yes I did ketamine therapy um it's been a couple months now I've still kind of understanding it I do have plans to talk about on the podcast to share with you guys to like explore some of my experience it was actually pretty wild doing it by yourself it's a whole different experience like I'm like laying on my back dancing with my hands I'm like humming I'm like beating on my chest and these drum like crazy patterns and stuff for massive just for a long time um I would I would be like laying there repeating it's like I am God I love me [00:17:28] Jacob: Like just these kind of like dorky things um but uh but yeah it was it was uh it was it was beneficial it was helpful I have good reviews for the ketamine therapy but I do think it's something that I want to talk about more in detail um as I understand it myself and I really want to make sure that I'm in at a good place for it before I just kind of like Expose and open up you know all [00:17:50] Jacob: My listeners to my personal experience of that you know it just as much as I love being vulnerable and open and I really just want to share all this stuff to help everybody I've also got to make [00:17:59] Jacob: Sure that it's benefiting me to you know to the max of course so um I just got to get to a good place of that but yeah I uh following that I may have um uh you know uh I may actually [00:18:10] Jacob: Have the company that I that I went through to get the ketamine therapy through who like sends it to the pharmacy and everything the people that I talk to like the um you know maybe call them counselors of sorts um the people who send me all the journal prompts all this sort of stuff I want to review all of it and then actually get one of those people on the podcast and have a conversation with them introduce them as a guest and uh bring in my own personal experience we can kind of dissect it maybe talk about some of the before and afters um so yeah that's on the upcoming docket um I have plans to uh more Health stuff more psychology stuff um I'm always trying to share what I'm going through on here I mean like right now I think a lot of my brain fog these last few days trying to record these goddamn intros is um I'm going through this like parasite cleanse right now I don't know man I'm just I'm in the thick of it I'm feeling a lot better I've been dealing with a lot of um man the last couple years especially but really in the last year and a half [00:19:07] Jacob: I'm dealing with like a lot of autoimmune disorders that are really like kicking my ass um I'm not very good at um I feel the need to deal with all these things on my own and learn about them on my own so that's just another layer of things but yeah man I've been um a lot of body inflammation a lot of I deal with like rosacea [00:19:28] Jacob: Stomach issues just all these things that I'm in my health along with my mental health the mental health thing is when I'm massively depressed I can look down on my hands and realize that my hands are inflamed too I get these bodily inflammation so I'm both trying to solve these uh you know world of mental health quarrels through the uh [00:19:46] Jacob: Through the mental as much as I am trying to solve them through the physical body so uh sharing more of that as I discover things as things are beneficial as things are helpful I will be coming to the podcast and sharing those things and once I get more into the swing of things where I can have weekly episodes I think it'll be a lot cooler a lot more um a lot uh a lot more direct you know so [00:20:12] Jacob: People can like just as I'm going through things or as I'm trying new things or as I've gone to conclusions and really learned things that have really made me feel them on the other side of something like I'm on the other side of this hey this thing was really kicking my ass for a while it might be kicking your ass here's what I did now I feel like this seems to be working I seem to feel okay you go ahead and give it a go you know that perspective of things um so just sharing my journey so there's more of that along the way coming right up is more of me sharing [00:20:44] Jacob: Of that and hopefully that episode with uh with the people with the ketamines with the ketamine Peoples Let's Get K hold baby I have a lot more plans for the clips I don't know you know it's just gonna continue going forward and I can't [00:20:58] Jacob: Express enough thank you guys so much for supporting me for hanging out with me for being on my side um for um you know hey hell maybe even listen to this just for your own entertainment and you don't like me that's cool too man thanks for listening that's a play button for me man um if you can hit like subscribe follow whatever podcaster you're playing on whether it's Spotify or apple or Pandora or Amazon or any of those things just like hit the hit the review give me a [00:21:27] Jacob: Five star give me a whatever so drop me a comment whatever it is whatever you see that me doing if you can interact with it you know I don't give a [ __ ] if this is heard by [00:21:38] Jacob: Um you know the crazy amounts of people but uh if you do enjoy it and you do like it does help more people stumble along so if you think it helps as well interact with it that's greatly appreciated this is episode 100 [00:21:55] Jacob: With Brent Spirit and Jacob from the internet this is me talking about my Spiritual Awakening that's enough blabbing for me thank you guys so much we will see you next time with ourselves [00:22:27] Jacob: Knowledge is power reality is [00:22:38] Brent: So a couple questions I forgot to ask Um how would you like me to introduce you as Jacob Rhines is that your last name Rhymes is that how you say it [00:22:38] Jacob: Yeah Ryan's or Jacob from the internet I'm kind of impartial whatever feels more natural I think Jacob from the internet includes Jacob Rhines there's not my aliases have kind of intertwined and mixed at this point so either way [00:22:38] Brent: Okay got it got it and um [00:23:08] Brent: Spiritual Awakening kundalini Awakening process roughly how long um just so I can give a brief introduction it's been a certain amount of years yeah [00:23:21] Jacob: I would say I'm nearly 32 now and it began when I was 26 um so five six years but of course you know I Gotta Throw in once you realize it seems like it's been going on your whole life but yeah of course I'd say about 26 so five or six years for me okay [00:23:38] Jacob: Cool [00:23:41] Brent: All right all set [00:23:44] Jacob: All right [00:23:48] Brent: Welcome to another criminality conversation my guest today is Jacob Rhines AKA Jacob from the internet welcome Jacob [00:23:48] Jacob: Thanks so much for joining [00:23:58] Jacob: Us today yeah thank you man I'm very excited to talk to you again uh that I really enjoy our interactions so I'm pumped to be here man [00:23:58] Brent: Yeah we recently had a conversation on your podcast the junkyard love podcast and admittedly I talked way more than [00:24:14] Brent: You did and so my intention today is to give you a chance to speak because uh you know during our conversation is was about my journey but you had sprinkled a [00:24:24] Brent: Little bit of uh hints and clues about some of the things that you went through that sounded really exciting you know some kundalini Awakening experiences since I've begun um I guess in your in your mid-20s about uh six years ago [00:24:37] Brent: Now um but of course as we were just talking uh before uh we start a conversation it seems like for many of us we look back and our teens or even our childhood and we see there's spiritual phenomena spiritual experiences if not just spiritual interest was clear uh very early on before we even knew you know what to call it so maybe we'll get into that today uh you and I [00:25:02] Brent: Feel like uh we've got a lot in common um I see in the background there on your wall you've got the words turning pro of [00:25:11] Brent: Course uh that's uh two very powerful words from one of my favorite authors and I would say probably my favorite book ever he's written the war of Art and I take it's really influenced you it's really influenced me as well like I said uh my favorite book ever and it's what got me started in doing this work and so I'd love to hear about your relationship with that type of work as an artist yourself a musician um very creative person we have here everybody is Jacob uh spoken word artist DJ uh you've done some visual art [00:25:50] Jacob: As well on your channel there's some [00:25:52] Brent: Interesting videos and things on your Instagram and whatnot and so we'll get into all of that um so I'll stop talking here and like I said we're gonna give you the floor take it away Jacob tell us about your spiritual awakening journey and from there we'll tease out some of the uh the difficulties you face Solutions you found and any other interesting themes that come up so how did it all begin for you um well I'm going to kind of start with it with the war of art the Stephen pressfield work I feel like it kind of ties in so towards the beginning of when I started going through you know my Spiritual Awakening was through like many suffering right um I just kind of like got to the edge of who I thought myself to be it wasn't working out um I was dealing with massive anxiety depression um I was actually like um there's ways in which I would describe myself as obsessive compulsive um or just you know overly obsessed about things that really interest me there's a way that I got kind of obsessed with like suicide and stuff which sounds kind of icky and strange but I'll elaborate more um the uh the war of art so [00:26:58] Brent: Amongst my healing I started reading all these things and listening to podcasts and watching YouTube videos and listening to lectures and somewhere along the way I heard about the war of art by Stephen pressfield and it just kind of like seemed like a cool book and uh I think that I bought it [00:27:14] Brent: I think I bought a physical copy but I could not get myself to sit down and read it and I could not I couldn't sit still long enough to read it but I knew I really wanted to read it so I ended up getting it on Audible and I hit play in my driveway I was like very determined I was like I want to read this book I was very like kind of mean to myself at this moment in my kind of healing Journey and I was like so mad that I couldn't sit down and read it so I bought an audible and I'm a runner I really like running and so I was like cool I'm just going to hit play in my driveway and I don't stop running until I finish this book um so it was it was cool because like you don't even realize how much that intertwines with the themes of the book you know fighting resistance if anybody else has ever read this book it's uh you'll understand the correlations but um yeah so I read it in um it was dude it was also so profound to me it was really like putting words on this thing that is common amongst people who are [00:28:14] Brent: Artists as common amongst creators you know we have this resistance and you know our job is to is to accept the resistance and uh get in [00:28:24] Brent: Contact with The Muse you know um and so it just felt it felt very felt like I kind of won that battle you know Stephen pressfield talks about how he uh finally uh found himself like he [00:28:36] Brent: Wrote a little bit and then he was washing the dishes and he was like whistling as he as he cleaned the dishes and then he kind of had this moment of realization like oh I just I just like did the work you know like I'm at this place of Peace doing the dishes because I did my work that I'm supposed to be doing um and so for me as I was running and I finally finished the book and I was like oh I just did my work like I found a way to make it work for me personally like my version of uh creating and doing [00:29:02] Brent: The work has just been done cool I did my work for the day I ran and I finished this book that I was determined to do it so um yeah that's the that's the war of our uh which turning pro thing on [00:29:12] Brent: My wall is I think the second book in the series of sorts with Stephen Curry the second or third yeah and [00:29:21] Jacob: That's and that's kind of just you know like we discussed before Brent was uh it was kind of like taking your taking your work serious like dude if you're an artist if you have these thoughts and I ideas you know it's clear that not everybody else does and so your work is to take your work seriously and do what you got to do like sit down it's not like you write when you feel like writing it's you right because you made a schedule to sit down at 9am every day that sort of thing um which is always is always kind of a struggle to be natural about your work as well as uh [00:29:51] Jacob: Be rigorous you know there's kind of a fine line between not forcing it not strangling the art by like I gotta sit down and finish this thing because people need to hear it I need to change the world versus you know just doing what you must do um so I had you know you know we mentioned before we started recording that um you know a lot of the kundalini Awakening stuff the awake Spiritual Awakening Things Are as we get through them a few years into them we start to realize that it's not really a one moment you know like I would say that my queen can happen when [00:30:26] Jacob: I was 26 27 but in retrospect I see how my entire life has played into it you know I had um what I would consider um for a long time I would consider myself a complete victim of these things but I had a just a tough childhood man I just um essentially my father got addicted to like really hard drugs when I was like eight or nine and it completely crumbled our family structure I have some older sisters um in you know long story short I ended up kind of like raising myself in a lot of ways from those years and so just like the way that I that I had experienced the world was like oh dude none of these adults are taking care of me I gotta take care of myself and so the way that I learned to kind of interface with the world interface with my life was um it really worked for me and it really is what I needed to do as a young kid in a Teen um but as you get older you realize that the armor you created when you were younger doesn't serve you going forward [00:31:31] Jacob: Um and so the structures that I had created to kind of like you know let's say spiritually bypass from learning from my trauma you know um they did work for me and you know I was successful in certain areas of my life but as I got older you know these things like this pain of this little kid who's still hurting inside me starts beating on the walls from the inside you know and uh and yeah so essentially when I was when I was 26 my kundalini waking was kind of like the structure of the person that I had built just didn't like he didn't work anymore like it just was not working for me the way that I thought the things I thought about um the way that I treated myself internally was just um it wasn't a long-term game for me um and so I think that [00:32:23] Jacob: I don't know I don't want to I was actually debating on whether I would I would explain this part there was kind of a moment where [00:32:33] Jacob: In retrospect I can kind of see that it was almost like the opening moment in some senses uh but I actually so I'm a DJ I've been a DJ since I was 20 I think um and just inevitably with the world of DJing and clubs in bars and staying [00:32:54] Jacob: Up late and those sorts of things um you know like partying and drug use and all this stuff was part of my journey um and I wasn't like really super deep into it I was kind of the guy who would like play a little bit along and have a couple beers sort of sort of thing you know I've been drunk plenty of times of course but um the uh cocaine came into the world and uh that kind of like that really like exacerbated my like self-worth problems inside and it would just turn into me like trying to get high to shut up this internal voice you know to try to this extreme form of escapism um and I had a I had this night I was [00:33:31] Jacob: In a long-term relationship I had this night where we were out at the bar and I was I was cool guy Jake everybody knows me I play at this bar all the time the bartenders like ignore the person in front of them and get my drink you know this like ego yeah man I'm popular here I'm cool this is like I'm the jock in high school this is this is my vibe here um and uh you know people had bought me shots and so essentially I was like a little too Tipsy and I got behind the wheel um of my car and I had my girlfriend next to me and I reached into my wallet [00:34:03] Jacob: And I pulled out this bag of Coke and I did a key bump and uh it was interesting because it's like as soon as I did that like I don't know if I you know punched my prefrontal core cortex in the face or something with this but it was like I had this out of body experience when I did this bump of cocaine and it was suddenly like I was [00:34:23] Jacob: Aware of what I was doing and who I was and my story and like I was oh this out of body kind of like uh my higher self or something going dude what are you doing and it was this really loud like I was like sitting there I was like looking at my girlfriend going what am I'm like drinking and [00:34:45] Jacob: Then doing blow so I could feel a little bit more sober so I could drive home you know what is this what why would I do this um and so I think like that seemed to be a lot of the start of my just extreme internal self-reflection like I had my friend come over afterwards and we were like drinking and doing more blow that night but the whole time I'm just like massively aware I'm like miles away from being present and it I don't know it just like I became extremely aware of what I was doing and my influences on other people and uh you [00:35:18] Jacob: Know like even driving behind you know if you're driving a car and you've got a car full of people or a car full of people you love you're responsible for those people you know if you're if you're drinking and driving you got other people in the car like that's your responsibility if they're hurt and uh that sort of voice just came incredibly loud and so um think that I don't know it kind of turned on this [00:35:41] Jacob: Awareness that I wasn't aware of you know I was saying it saying a little bit ago that I was kind of obsessed with like suicide and like um uh if you ever [00:35:50] Jacob: Have you ever heard of the 27 club in the world of like Artistry and you know Kurt Cobain and these artists you know they um it's like man if my nobody's really gonna listen to my work unless I'm dead you know they'll appreciate me when my when I'm God you know and it's this um it's this weird like toxic selfish [00:36:10] Brent: Um uh you're just so unaware of who you are and what you bring to other people um and so I guess I kind of just became massively aware that I was obsessed with those sorts of things like [00:36:24] Brent: I was like oh I just had kind of accepted I'll be in the 27 club like oh I guess like this is the year that I'll probably take my life or next year I'll probably take my life and uh I started becoming aware of how crazy that was like what am I you know I'm I'm fantasizing about these things I'm obsessing about uh how cool it's gonna [00:36:43] Brent: Be when I'm dead you know like what that's so crazy you know um so uh yeah I think [00:36:52] Brent: It just kind of started this extreme self-help Obsession like I really just [00:36:58] Jacob: Could not shut off the fact that like the who I was not going to work out for me and that was a legitimate problem the person that I had created was not going to be able to continue to go forward um and I should I should pay attention to that you know like I shouldn't just be accepting oh this guy's gonna kill himself and that's me um and so yeah I mean I continued to [00:37:25] Jacob: I continued to DJ um I was still kind of like in that World um I just like slowly started to stop drinking um I was just less and less drinking um I stopped partying a lot like I would stop doing coke I didn't really have any urge to do it like I didn't really want to do I had done it a couple times after that but uh for the most part I didn't want to do I actually started smoking a lot of weed just because I was like uh I had a bunch of sleep issues I was on antidepressants at this time um I just uh I was I wasn't being a [00:37:56] Jacob: Good person and so I had all this internal just noise man I was just so many layers buried deep beneath this like cool guy you know um and so it's like my [00:38:09] Jacob: Like my structures were breaking but there was something that happened that seemed to notice it and take it seriously suddenly of dude nobody's [00:38:19] Jacob: Gonna save you but you sort of thing um so I did I guess over the last over the coming years after that [00:38:28] Jacob: Um I just got massively more obsessed with self-help personal growth I always really like these things like I said I would kind of been on my own since I was younger so the things that I had learned about the world were uh you know in a way by my own hand like when I was you know 16 17 I was I was the personal development section in the library was my favorite you know I loved all those things but it was almost like I was blind to um uh to a lot of other very obvious [00:38:52] Jacob: Stuff um and so I would spend a lot of time at home I would just listen to podcasts and listen to YouTube lectures and uh I stumbled into like all these people who would present the world and present subjects and present their opinions on the world in ways that I'd never heard anybody speak before or you know there's a there's this group of people uh it's [00:39:14] Jacob: Kind of like a tongue-in-cheek thing but they were deemed the intellectual dark web have you heard of this it's uh Sam Harris Joe Rogan oh okay so yeah so [00:39:23] Jacob: So it says World these of these guys and they kind of like accidentally named themselves and it's like I said a little bit tongue-in-cheek but um Sam Harris uh Joe Rogan Brett Weinstein [00:39:33] Jacob: Eric Weinstein and just kind of like everyone in their vicinity they're like uh public intellectuals let's say and uh man my YouTube my YouTube algorithm was just feeding me that stuff that I was listening to I mean I get to the point where I was um uh somehow I was lucky enough to [00:39:49] Jacob: Have like extended periods of time off of work uh where I maybe do like one gig a week or I would have like a couple months where I wasn't working I was just in a position to where um I could spend a lot of time listening to these different uh perceptions of reality and the different views on things that I either hadn't thought of before or I thought I knew a lot about but I hadn't really sat and thought about it much you know I would at that time I would consider myself uh just [00:40:15] Jacob: Use a steal a phrase from a friend of mine uh read uh he says self-diagnosed [00:40:21] Brent: Self-diagnosed agnostic he says um and I would consider myself that I'm like or an atheist or something I'm like okay you're all y'all are weird like you really think that there's a magic man in the sky with a beard and whatnot like that was my very simple understanding of it but I would listen to I mean 12 to 14 hours of YouTube a day in audio books and lectures and I started like buying my own books that was um after a while that out when I was able to actually read them sit down and read them um and it started making me think about the world a lot differently of course I was smoking a lot of weed I mean and I know that I don't know if you dealt with this um or if you think about this way it seems like when I mentioned smoking weed and like how intertwined this is it almost feels a little disregarding to the complexity of the of the story it's like oh dude like are you sure you weren't just super stoned all the time it is in some ways yes you [00:41:18] Brent: Know in some ways that was uh a way for me to actually allow these things in and kind of penetrate the you know the person I thought myself to be um but it would help me kind of like sit and expand on these ideas [00:41:32] Brent: Um so I would just I would listen to Listen to lectures um and then I think [00:41:40] Jacob: Inevitably we stumble into meditation right you know like if you're trying to heal if you have anxiety depression like well have you tried meditation and there's these meditation apps and there's all this all this stuff this whole world of self-help um and it brought me into meditation but the way that I work is uh I'm like very extreme about things you know like I said like I get I get overly obsessed with stuff and um you know like the way I've read that book for the first time was cool I'm not going to stop running until I finish this book and so that kind of turned into my mindfulness and meditation Journey I became super obsessed and extreme [00:42:14] Jacob: About to where um I'm listening to these lectures and it's like the second this lecture is over or this YouTube video or this podcast or whatever okay cool time to go meditate and I would meditate for hours and hours a day and I was learning about meditation I was learning about um the self and I was doing you know vipassana and I was doing all these [00:42:32] Jacob: Various different kinds I started doing a ton of yoga um I just started I mean it was it's like extreme mindfulness you know I was in this perception of being aware of who I was and what my actions were and how I how I reacted what I am in this world and what it means to be a part of infinity itself and just I was in that realm just hardcore just that's all I would think about so I would talk about uh my poor girlfriend at the time they would like I would it's funny because I would think that she was understanding because I'm so obsessed with what I'm thinking about at this time of course I think she's understanding what I'm talking about and then after a while she would start to say I don't know what you're saying I don't know what you're like what are you what are you talking about which um was actually kind of like painful in the moment because I suddenly realized oh dude I am you know I'm detached from reality and the reality that I'm obsessing about and thinking about is completely distant from this person [00:43:30] Jacob: Um so I guess I guess I just got I was able to so over the course of the season I think the my like kundalini Awakening was from [00:43:45] Brent: Intense pushing like this extremely you know I'm using this fifth phrase extreme mindfulness which sounds so dorky but it's kind of what it was it was just I kept pushing I was like I gotta heal I gotta get better like I gotta figure this out and then it's like why do [00:43:59] Brent: I hate myself what is the self what is self you know like these things and I would just follow these strings of thoughts and just pulverize myself with them just think about nothing but it and just write about it and record videos of myself talking about it and just uh try to like research it and um [00:44:18] Jacob: So I had mentioned in our podcast the other brand that I had this moment where um you know because with kundalini Awakening we talk about is something that you're really great on your Channel about expressing that I love is uh it's not always this explosion of energy through the top of the head you know it's not always uh again I'll bring it up like you said a snake coming out of your butt um it just made me laugh when you said that but um it's for me I think kind of [00:44:45] Jacob: Like of course like that night where I had done like a bump of cocaine kind of brought me this crazy awareness but then I had a other couple other few moments that I think that could be uh very easily intertwined with what we can call kundalini Awakening I had one where um I was listening to this guy Greg Braden um he's uh he's like friends with Joe dispenza um he's friends with this guy Bruce Lipton and I've been listening to a lot of their work and he has he's a musician and so like a lot of stuff that he talks about describes I really resonated with and he had this brain heart coherence meditation that I would do all the time and it plays this certain frequency you know it's like this 10 minute video or something I found on YouTube and I'd listen to it plenty of times before but um it was kind of like my way of getting centered and um I would listen to it and he kind of guides you through this meditation and it plays a certain frequency and uh [00:45:37] Jacob: I mean it was the end of the night my girlfriend at the time uh we had this place together we had a house together and uh she was out of town for a few days and so I was kind of already in this mindset of like oh I'm going ham like you know I don't have to I don't have to be grounded and talk to my girlfriend about her day at work that sounds so selfish and I'm saying it loud but um it's like I can just go ham on this mindfulness stuff this uh exploration of the self stuff and so I was in that mindset already like I was going ham I was doing a ton of breath work I was doing a ton of yoga that day um I had meditated for many hours in that morning or you know I know at least an hour um in listening to this brain heart coherence and I think that I was actually set I was typing out a sending a text to my girlfriend kind of about what I was what I was experiencing is probably like this complete nonsensical [00:46:28] Jacob: Um you know like something that she probably didn't understand what I was talking about but it was it felt important to me and something about me typing it as I was listening to this thing made it very real made it very um like it jumped from the world of YouTube into my lived reality and I had this uh [00:46:44] Jacob: Have you ever seen the show Jimmy Neutron it's a cartoon yeah so who has these things called brain blasts and he gets this idea and he's a Brain Blast and they show this visualization of uh like the idea going through all his like neural Pathways and it like makes these connections and these ideas light up in different parts of his brain light up and it was kind of like that like I experienced something like a Brain Blast that sounds so funny to say a lot um but what happened is like my [00:47:14] Jacob: Mind connected to my heart and I don't know how to explain it like I visualized like this thing this something like dropping down into my heart and then they were suddenly connected and then I felt just like a crazy surge of energy [00:47:32] Jacob: Um and then dude honestly like the next three days were crazy I was in this state um and I think that you've described it before where I was like stuck in my body [00:47:42] Brent: I was I was [00:47:46] Jacob: I feel so right now as we're talking you know I'm not thinking about breathing I'm not pumping my organs I'm not pumping my lungs but it felt like I was suddenly responsible for all those things it felt like I was like if I didn't think about breathing I would stop breathing or something um you know there's a way where I knew that wasn't true but it was I couldn't stop looping about this I was inside my body um within an hour I actually like literally had 9-1-1 up on my phone just trying to go do I need like am I okay you know what on Earth is going on [00:48:20] Jacob: Um well my air conditioning just turned on is that is that incredibly loud no it's all good okay um if it gets too loud or knowing I can totally turn it off but um but yeah so I became just Ultra [00:48:33] Jacob: Stuck in my body for whatever that means and it was funny because I uh I didn't know what I had done I was like oh I messed up I did something very uh very strange here um I was Googling how to shut my third eye um that tells you the information of how I knew of what I was really doing I was just pushing um excuse me but hang on let me turn off my air conditioning really quick I'm so sorry for sure no problem [00:49:03] Jacob: It's so loud and I don't want it to uh to harm the recording but um yeah so uh I was just in this [00:49:11] Jacob: State of like being stuck in my body and I was home alone and I was just in this complete state of fear um and I think that when that happened it kind of made me again like this other realization of whoa I'm going hard on this I'm going crazy intense on this sort of stuff um uh in and so you know then I'm looking for grounding and I'm looking for like what is going on I posted on Reddit um uh I don't remember what song read it was maybe like spirituality or something basically like yo I think I messed up [00:49:39] Jacob: Can anybody help I've been listening to all these sound frequencies and uh you know people were sweet enough to suggest some stuff to help me get a bit more grounded but um so I that was certainly a moment um the brain [00:49:55] Jacob: Heart coherence thing was definitely something that now I think I would correlate to something to do with kundalini like I was moving the energies throughout my body like suddenly surged um and then I had to kind of like it took me a while to kind of sit with that like I don't know that I fully snapped out of the being stuck inside my body thing like I think it kind of slowly integrated in a strange way um in yoga and breath work and that sort of thing of course helps but uh um and then I had a um I don't know the exact linear time for all this stuff it's kind of a blur actually but um I also had a moment where uh I was doing a hypnosis like a self-love guided [00:50:35] Jacob: Hypnosis I got like kind of obsessed with hypnosis for a little while um and I I was I was experiencing extreme Bliss for certain um I was already in this very blissed out state but then suddenly I became the color purple and experienced being The Color Purple um and I don't know how to explain that like I just it was I was both liquid and [00:50:58] Jacob: Smoke in the color purple and it was like this crazy blissed out State and um I think it in like after that I think I had a few weeks of being just light-footed as heck like I was just blissed out for a while after that [00:51:13] Jacob: Um I also had a moment where I did a it's not like a past regression but it's like a I was following some guided meditation uh I was doing a uh like some sort of like what is it like child healing you know like in healing your internal child um and I had this essentially I was um I think I was just to add to the visualization I think I was doing breath work and yoga naked in my basement all that day um it's hilarious to share these things because it just seems so insane now but [00:51:45] Jacob: I was doing this like childhood thing following the meditation um and I actually saw my younger self like I saw my teenage self you know I had mentioned before I had kind of built up this tough like this is who I need [00:51:58] Jacob: Um you know and then I suddenly like in my basement um it's not that I like really thought physical young person walked into my basement or anything but I saw my younger self I hugged him I cried and I [00:52:10] Jacob: Said you did great man I got it from here and it was like this you know another explosion of just healing um and then I still don't know what to make about this part um because I was listening to a lot of frequencies and stuff I saw the um in Hinduism is it Ganesh with the many arms many of them have many arms I think [00:52:31] Jacob: Um Ganesh is the uh the elephant uh elephant face yeah um it is it a female uh or is there [00:52:42] Brent: Ganache I think I think Ganesh isn't [00:52:45] Jacob: Male um female there's many actually um I'm not too familiar with all of them myself there's uh there's countless [00:52:56] Brent: Lakshmi Kali has many arms she's [00:53:00] Jacob: Kind of fierce that's a common depiction for kundalini the divine feminine but they all are actually all the feminine ones are for sure okay yeah because it could it was it was certainly had a feminine energy um and it had many arms in a you know you know I say this I know I sound like a bit Daft but uh I didn't know any of [00:53:20] Jacob: This stuff I didn't know any of these people I didn't grow up with a religious or spiritual or any of that you know I almost kind of like made fun of that sort of stuff in a way like um not like a mean bullying way but kind of just in like a all right y'all are like whatever you want to do but y'all are crazy about that weird religious spiritual stuff you know that's just kind of like my perception of what God was but um so yeah after I like hugged my younger self said thank you I've got it from here then there was this moment of experience the many armed God and it was this feminine thing and again that put me on another I would say like probably a couple weeks if not a week um of just blissed out you know [00:53:56] Jacob: It's like I had cleared this very big blockage or something I know that's kind of a bit of a strange term when it comes to like chakras and black chakras and stuff but um yeah and so uh let's say like those four experiences were kind of my now that in retrospect they had something to do with the energy centers in my body um I would say I would say those were moments where my kundalini was um uh working through me they put me in an intense blissed out stage afterwards um which was uh so wonderful in so many [00:54:27] Brent: Ways and uh but also [00:54:30] Jacob: Because I wasn't grounded at all I mean I was not trying to be crowded like you know I was doing yoga and breath work and stuff and I was walking barefoot outside and I was doing a lot of running and working on that sort of stuff um but just you know I would talk to my old friends or I would have like musicians or artists come over and just [00:54:47] Jacob: Looking back like the way that I was communicating with them was just very disconnected I was really kind of like in the state of psychosis I was just a bit nutty you know and they loved me and so they accepted like you going through what you're going through and you know if I know anything about Jake he's got this under control um so there was a lot of that but in retrospect I see how kind of um just intense I was you know with all my relationships and talking to people so man I would love to uh to pause my rambling there um uh and see if you have any questions uh for me from there Brent wow [00:55:21] Brent: Well it's so many common themes uh between my own journey and that I see across the board for many others as well um thank you for sharing I just had a conversation with James dearden bush and he described something very similar to what you experienced um you know when you were uh behind the wheel about to you know do some cocaine he described that he as a result of his Awakening had experienced um an expanded state of awareness that um was unaffected by him drinking so he got drunk at some [00:56:03] Brent: Point later and there's part of him that wasn't drunk but that was aware that he was drunk sounds like the same uh State of [00:56:11] Brent: Consciousness or same aspect of your Consciousness that you had accessed which could look from almost like an impartial place and say what the hell is going on here um even though you're under the influence and whatnot and that seems to be um I've experienced it myself as well uh [00:56:31] Jacob: It seems to be pretty uh common with those that experience a sort of uh or we could call a top-down Awakening or a crown Awakening and like you said earlier you know kundalin doesn't have to rise from the base upward in sort of explosion can happen in many different ways and for me as well my initial Awakening was of a very similar flavor to yours where I had recognized I'm not my mind I can I can observe my mind so I'm the Observer and that blasted me open [00:57:00] Jacob: Um uh and uh that was a major trigger point of my Awakening just like you fascinating stuff there um yeah the uh the healing stuff also super common [00:57:15] Jacob: Right uh super common stuff with the [00:57:18] Brent: Inner child and whatnot but even though I mean Super common amongst those going through this process I'll put it that way but uh not that common in general um yeah fascinating um why don't you keep going with your story so you're ungrounded or generally speaking or you're describing some periods where you're ungrounded myself as well I mean I can look back and kind of cringe at the way that I was uh for sure trying to describe my experiences or trying to because it was [00:57:51] Jacob: So novel and exciting I just wanted other people to experience this with me and I thought you know I have to show them what I was going through they can hear the inner child too right you know and uh of course you being young especially uh I know you [00:58:08] Jacob: Know you're young as well and I guess you know we are still relatively young some older people might think we uh we still don't have a clue what's going on but um you know it's exciting and it's good that at least you had some friends that said hey you know Jake uh Jake's got out of control whatever's going through he'll go through it'll be okay I mean not everybody has that some people you know their uh Circle will say you need to uh be put in a straight jacket and it happens to many people [00:58:37] Jacob: Um so talk to us a little bit about what happens following these periods of intense Awakening and healing and I guess we call energetic instability um where do you go from there [00:58:52] Jacob: Yeah um man it's so interesting it's a because it's like almost still going on in a way it's almost like still uh you know my um you know not like the [00:59:06] Brent: Turmoil and the confusion and the um the non-grounded nature of exploring these things but uh I mean I think since then dude I'm just so again like I said I've always been really I've really been interested in kind of the Realms of psychology since I was young um kind of the Realms of uh you know having a growth mindset not a fixed mindset you know I said I really like the self-help section when I was younger I always loved that sort of stuff but uh now it's like [00:59:34] Jacob: I'm just massively uh I don't want to use the word obsessed like as if I've you know cured myself of being obsessive about things but I'm just it's like so much of what I think about is identity and self and uh personhood and uh [00:59:49] Brent: Psychology anthropology uh philosophy I mean I um you know in a lot of my Artistry work a lot of my poetry work I kind of uh this sounds a bit self-grandials but uh I kind of like to consider myself a philosopher and not a philosopher who um you know I don't have a degree I didn't go to college for any of this sort of stuff but um you know not a philosopher [01:00:14] Brent: That studies all the great philosophers and could tell you everything that Freud tells you uh like I like the practice of philosophy itself like how do you philosophize your life how do you know what just the philosophy of self you know um this is like super uh sure [01:00:32] Brent: Obsessed with those sorts of things so I've kind of remained in that realm you know I consume a lot of podcasts I consume a lot of audiobooks I consume a lot of books uh interest I contemplate a lot I do a lot of meditation still um it's a bit more grounded um it's not like the only thing I think about I don't go into every single interaction in my regular life and try to get people to think about it um what's actually very cool I will say is um I show up and I play the game you [01:01:05] Brent: Know you know rundas has this way of saying um uh you know you're you're in school why don't you take the curriculum you know um uh he had a disembodied being tell him that and basically that's like um you know [01:01:21] Brent: Before Enlightenment shop would carry water after Enlightenment shop would carry water and it's this uh you can't go into everyday life like I still got to pay bills I still got to work um and most people don't think about this stuff at all you know I would say I don't know what 98 of people 95 of [01:01:39] Jacob: People or something aren't in this realm so if you go to work and you're just trying to like talk about spiritual enlightenment or um like hey man you know you don't really exist right you're like what you know it makes you feel more disconnected from people and so a lot of the last few years have been almost like my integration back into the into the world of uh of just being with other people and loving people for exactly who they are not who I who I wish they could be and if they could just see Infinity like I see then they would really understand and they could heal all their childhood trauma like you said and um uh so where I'm at now [01:02:20] Brent: Um I mean I mean I mean I'll say that in a lot of ways my life kind of did fall apart after all of that um and I hate to say that and like freak anybody out who's going through um in any sort of uh their Journey right now and just uh you know bear [01:02:37] Brent: With me on this story here but the I was in a relationship we were together for 10 years um thought we were gonna have kids and get married and those sorts of things we kind of just decided like it was this weird like disassociative state but we [01:02:50] Brent: Kind of just suddenly decided that um like that isn't the route that we're gonna go and we're gonna split up and so that was just like before I knew it I'm packing my stuff and I'm like what the hell what is going on and then we would [01:03:03] Brent: Have conversations and we're breaking up the dinner table it was very civil you know uh this woman is so wonderful we had you know for all of our lack of communication we had some wonderful communication as well um in retrospect these were you know really such a gift of 10 years with this person like we had just an incredible relationship such a fun time um but it was more of [01:03:26] Brent: It was almost like this thing was working through me and I'm like saying these things out loud and almost again observing myself saying them like is this really what I want like it but it was it's almost like I was noticing that [01:03:39] Brent: I was following my intuition in a very real way like what needed to happen in that moment was this breakup was this okay it's time for something new in my life like it's time for the next chapter um but I also was aware of my like I don't want to leave this person this is safe I like this person I like this here my life is cool here but there was also just this awareness that this isn't this isn't for me anymore you know I've grown out of this um in a uh you know not in a better like I'm higher than you um but just in a I'm no longer in alignment with this and so in order to follow my intuition for it in order to follow my gut and this needs to happen um and it was weird so I'm living in Austin Texas now um I was living in Washington state then this was during the pandemic and uh my work where I make my money has been as a DJ an audio [01:04:29] Jacob: Engineer I have an audio engineering degree um which is actually kind of like a funny degree nobody really respects it's like this dorky like it's almost an embarrassing thing to say yeah I've got an anthropology degree people think it's uh it's archeology and [01:04:45] Jacob: I don't even correct them anymore dude that's so funny you mentioned that I just talked to somebody yesterday who confused The Who conflated those two [01:04:54] Jacob: And I just okay that's what you're gonna find fossils um uh yeah but uh um and so I wasn't working um and so I was at this place where um I was still I was still pretty out of it in some senses like during the breakup um there was still like I would have days of uh you know bouts of depression where I was just you know feeling so sorry for myself and um it was just really hard for me to stay focused um you know I was still I still wake up every morning and you know listen to ramdas and do my meditation and yoga and breath work and all these sorts of things but I was still just like it was like I was doing those things just to survive through my day you know I was going through a lot of turmoil this breakup was really tough on me um but yeah for whatever reason as we're sitting there at the dinner table uh with my ex-girlfriend I was like [01:05:43] Jacob: Well I have to move I have to move and it was one it was like I was hearing myself say it go why what are you talking about um I was like I well I need to move you know I'd never moved out of that town my whole life but for whatever reason I just had this extreme um intuitive thing that I needed to move and then I end up going uh living [01:06:06] Jacob: With a friend for a few months and he basically pulled me aside he's just such a wonderful guy but uh he basically said look me and my wife his wife we're gonna [01:06:15] Jacob: Move within the next year why don't you come live with us we'll just charge you know we'll be chill on the rent um get you back on your feet and just wherever we move why don't you come along and I was like all right bet and uh you know so some we landed in Austin Texas which uh from a creative standpoint you know um uh you know Artistry and all these [01:06:36] Jacob: Other things I had followed a lot of people who had moved to Austin um I was I was really drawn by like the Artistry and the music scene and stuff so it was cool so that's where I've landed now is in Austin um it's been really fun um but uh I guess I'll [01:06:54] Jacob: I mean I'll backtrack a little bit I had already started my podcast um I'm at like 100 episodes now but um my podcast was kind of like trying to help people go through the same thing as me at the beginning you know uh I would say a lot of my earlier episodes are I mean they're cringe they're still they're still available but I was to learn how to talk to people else to learn how to listen I was still learning how to meet people where they're at and not like force them into the corners of you're on my show we're going to talk about this you know that like there's this there's this there's this balance of sorts you know with these conversations um and so I started interviewing and talking to a lot of my friends and um uh people in the community and people that I looked up to and I had a podcast Studio at that time in my basement at the house that we had [01:07:35] Jacob: So I could have them come over and it was just this such cool thing you know they would come over and um we'd go for a walk or we would you know uh you know smoke a bowl and hang out in the backyard for a couple hours before the podcast and it was just this very cool experience um but I had started it the concept junkyard love is the name is [01:07:57] Jacob: Um I had realized that when I was listening to these people on YouTube and online and audiobooks and these sorts of things that um they would unknowingly say something that would completely shift my reality you know two hours and 15 minutes into a podcast of two comedians just bsing they would say one thing one sentence in such a certain way that would be primed to for whatever reason that I would like pause the podcast and just go whoa you know I would almost watch my reality shift and I would allow that to enter through me and go oh I haven't thought about life like that I haven't challenged my ideas like that you know and so the concept is sort of it [01:08:36] Jacob: Might be gibberish you know your story might not seem important but when you share it might be really important to somebody else you know the a uh the example I use is you know a 90s 1996 Buick LeSabre uh passenger side [01:08:50] Jacob: Mirror is completely worthless to somebody who doesn't have a 1996 Buick LeSabre with a missing passenger side mirror you know um and so that was this kind of thing it's like your story is very important and there's something that you could say about just communicating your truth that could be profound to someone it could it could change their whole life you know and so share you know share where you're at and don't um uh you know and you've mentioned this in your videos too is don't wait till you think you're ready a lot of the times you know like make it messy if it's messy if you stumble over and you say like or you uh you know you don't know exactly how to explain your story but you kind of stumble through it cool that's what it is right there that's okay um that's why I started the podcast I started at that time I'd already been a DJ you know say this is around you know 27 [01:09:39] Jacob: 28 I'd already been DJ since I was like 19 20. um and I hadn't made a ton of my own stuff so being a DJ is um a lot of times you're playing you're not really representing you know you're playing other people's music you're mixing and mashing you're looking around the room and you're seeing what that room would want you're being a taste maker you're on top of the current music you anticipate people's needs before they anticipate it you know what's popular you know um you know the right the hottest song in the world right now if you play it at you know 10 21 it might suck but if you play it at 11 38 PM it might be you might change the entire room you know and so I was just very um I was on the pulse there's a lot of ways that I was certainly an artist as a DJ and I would create these hour-long sets and I just wanted like my [01:10:33] Jacob: DJ name at the time was Chronos DJ Kronos who's the Greek Titan of time and that was kind of bored of you know I had experiences in crowds of music festivals and stuff where time itself would skip or stop or um you know I think a good artist can make you like you know snap out of time in a [01:10:51] Jacob: Sense you know it's uh it could take you to a place um and so I was really obsessed with that sort of thing so my Artistry as a DJ um was kind of I think it's different than [01:11:04] Jacob: My Artistry now you know over the in the last um when I started my kundalini Awakening healing journey I just kind of naturally started outputting a lot of my own writing and my own um spoken word [01:11:18] Jacob: Um there's a lot of stuff that I've written and wrote that I'm like I don't know who wrote that but they used my body you know is this like the Muse worked through me I seem to have put myself in the right position and threw out a couple Nets and you know I caught some jellyfish or something you know and gave it gave them to the world so um I started kind of leaning a little bit farther away from DJing um being less in bars and clubs and these sorts of things I was super sensitive to um being in bars and clubs late at night um you know you know we use the term [01:11:51] Jacob: Spirits for alcohol uh I think that you've discussed this as well and oh I think you did it actually with your recent podcast when he was talking about alcohol um I just became Ultra sensitive to those things and so I kind of had this I need to keep my Artistry you know I have this need to express myself I have [01:12:09] Brent: This something I you know something inside me wants to communicate or communicate through me start doing more spoken word um I've always been a fan of a fan of hip-hop and those sorts of things so uh [01:12:21] Jacob: I think there's like an innately I would hate to call myself a rapper I just I think that sounds so weird but um I do like I write a lot of rap um but uh there's kind of like a spiritual uh tendency to a lot of what I write if you listen to it um I just want to invite our audience to uh to check out your Instagram the links will be in the description uh but we'll keep going sorry to cut you off no plug in there I thank you yeah and I feel like actually probably Instagram is my best you know I have some songs on Spotify I'd like to call everything a demo um because you know although like I technically have an audio engineering degree I won't just sit and spend time like trying to mix and master my stuff like for one it's a lot of it is beyond my skill level you know I don't know everything about all this stuff um but I like just like I said just [01:13:13] Jacob: Throw it out a net and like cool I caught something let's share it you know I like this Lo-Fi sort of um you know so I have some stuff on Spotify it's uh it's like sound art you know it's there's this like kind of hip-hop but um it's just kind of like a an expression of the thought that I seem to have caught um but yeah my Instagram has certainly been a it's interesting man because we have these I don't know I mean maybe you experienced this sorts of stuff too Brett uh you know with Instagram and podcasting is uh you kind of basically get put into a bubble or a category you know it's like oh are you trying to be an influencer you know are you trying to um uh like are you trying to sell something you know um but I've always tried to keep it yeah I always try to keep it to where it doesn't because that feels icky to me you know like I've never had advertisements on my podcast I've never had um those sorts of things that feels like it's instantly trying to sneak like oh hey look how spiritual I am I'll help you but also buy this thing that pays my bills you know there's an integration that I think is you [01:14:18] Jacob: Know um can be worked on but uh I just really wanted it to feel authentic and so um my Instagram is definitely that like I try to treat it as you know an expressive outlet and not as [01:14:32] Brent: I mean I want to be an influencer on Instagram or I want to um achieve this thing you know I've never tried to sell anything any of that so it's just been my creative Outlet I really think that um I think that if you can penetrate people in their day-to-day life as we're all you know me for sure I have my Tendencies to just scroll kind of mindlessly you know it's something I'm always I'm always struggling with sometimes I do it too much sometimes I'm on top of it um but there are times where I'm scrolling and somebody can say something or like I can get this spoken word or I can get this um clip from a podcast that's just boom makes you suddenly realize that like you're looking at your phone and there's a background to your phone and you're in a room and it just kind of sends you out of your body in a sense and I always really wanted my work to do that in some ways I want my [01:15:20] Jacob: My Artistry to be some sort of Co-op [01:15:24] Brent: Cohen you know a Zen Cohen of um I wanted to put you in a place that you weren't planning on going today you know um and again just describing that sounds very itself self grandiose uh but that's kind of part of it you know that's a lot of my with the intertwining of my spirituality and my Artistry is not denying my ego not denying that like [01:15:48] Jacob: You know not only you know nerves but um like if I'm speaking to speak to people on a stage or I'm speaking to people uh you know okay I've got a couple hundred people listening to this podcast like that feels cool you know noticing that like noticing that you have like an ego side that you know for me like I said I came from a background of DJing where people know my name you know like people in my hometown know me as uh what up Chronos and like I don't know who they are you know and there's a balance of uh for a while I [01:16:23] Jacob: Tried to kill the ego I tried to reject it you know I tried to uh [01:16:28] Brent: Like you know I gotta be next level humble and in all these things but there's you know it seems your role as an artist um is to behold the ego is to [01:16:44] Jacob: Um uh I have this line the ego doesn't like change nor grit but loves to feel withhold um and so a lot of my a lot of my stuff is kind of a balance of uh working [01:16:57] Jacob: With the ego you know ramdas would talk about uh how on stage he would be completely aware that um you know people love him they seem as this is oh that's [01:17:06] Jacob: You know but he's also just there to do he's there to do his work you know parts of him are going to notice those things there's parts of us that I think socially will um uh like those things but we can't Define ourselves by um this pedestal that other people put us on in a sense so um [01:17:26] Jacob: Yeah um I guess that's kind of like I try to integrate my I try to live my philosophy and my creativity and my Artistry as naturally as I can you know I try to you know if I go for a walk and I have a thought come into my head that I think is kind of cool or helpful or fun I want to share it you know but I'm not trying to share it to accomplish something I'm not trying to share it to um uh you know gain more followers or um uh you know tell everybody how cool I am you know it's this uh I try to use social media as [01:18:02] Brent: A genuine like tool for communicating the inside of my mind in a sense you know and I think that's like active philosophy you know that's like actually practicing philosophy um and um yeah I don't know I think sometimes you know as we're scrolling through when something real pops up we note it as real you know there's all these people trying to sell stuff there's all these advertisements there's all these um you know like [01:18:29] Jacob: It's just obvious to us when you've got a podcast like if I have a Monster energy drink sitting right here and the logo is perfectly faced you know that's okay like a cool okay we'll get it you're sponsored by monster but there's just like this level of truth that we want to be about that sort of thing you know and I would hate for me having this monster logo sponsorship to deter or [01:18:49] Jacob: Change anything even one percent of how I'm gonna communicate of the ideas that I catch and communicate um and so yeah it's just uh I don't know my social media presence is really like uh it's almost like this I'm [01:19:05] Jacob: Massively aware but it's almost like a second ego in a sense right it's like almost like this digital ego of representing ourselves you know and we talked about um the beginning of your you know you're into uh is it photography or videography uh photography yeah and you notice that you know you have this photography page and you start talking about spiritual stuff on there and people are like what yeah what are you talking about dude uh it's a yeah I've gone through [01:19:33] Brent: That entirely that same thing of trying to find this balance of living through my truth of um yeah I want to be an artist but like I'm not creating this artist to get famous [01:19:47] Jacob: And get money and like uh you know so I can drive a fast car it's like no I want to be honest about every day I'm trying to live as an artist I'm trying to be as a poet would be in my day-to-day life I'm trying to show up as fully as I can um and be aware that I have these different kind of aliases in a sense but not lose myself into my Alias to where I'm denying the truth of my being you know because I think that's so easy to do as an artist um I think you know you know I was talking about the 27 club we get so obsessed with our image like Oh They'll listen to me when I'm gone you know that sort of thing and it's it could just be certainly uh massively toxic you know so uh I'm [01:20:29] Jacob: Sure that you maybe deal with some of the similar things of um trying to balance you know your personas in a way I don't know do you ever um did you ever have any like debacle between who you show up as you know like who maybe your co-workers uh know you as [01:20:46] Jacob: Or who um I think you're doing some schooling like maybe who they know you as versus Brent Spirit um do you ever feel any like trip up between these kind of characters you've created at all [01:20:57] Jacob: Yeah so I think I've a long time because uh you know like you like you described uh in your own Journey it's an ongoing sort of dance and trying to figure it out and I had my own issues with working as an artist a photographer but then also having these like spiritual things that I wanted to express and of course um you know people that are interested in my photography are like you know what the hell is this guy talking about and I think that came from a more ungrounded place as well like we were describing earlier that would you know get both relate with just you know that feeling of having to like vomit out all [01:21:35] Jacob: This spiritual stuff to who any whoever would listen right so now I found peace by compartmentalizing my two um I guess you could say brands or identities but in particular I think I've described this before Brent's spirit is a character when I'm sitting here in this chair that's Brent's spirit and I want [01:22:02] Jacob: People to know that when I turn this off I'm not brand Spirit I'm Brent like I'm a normal guy like you know like uh eat [01:22:09] Brent: Junk food like you know have awkward conversations with people and think about it later go why did I say that or something you know like I'm a normal guy and I just I want to make that clear [01:22:22] Brent: Um at this point in my brand or whatever or this journey I'm [01:22:28] Jacob: Not too disclosing of my personal life um because I don't want it to be about me as much as it is about uh I love the way you describe the ideas that I'm catching and presenting [01:22:44] Jacob: Um and not so much about me but I do recognize of course the validity of the story in the background and so it's a defined balance of those two things but I can totally relate and I don't know that many others can I think along the lines of what you're saying you know you're speaking as uh as an artist that's not creating art as a means to an end to become somebody or to sell something it's for the end in itself [01:23:11] Jacob: Um and I as you're speaking I remember this is a key Concept in uh bhagavad-gita um where Krishna says you're entitled to [01:23:21] Jacob: The work that's your reward is the work itself but the fruits of your labor that all belongs to God so you don't work thinking okay you're gonna get paid or something you work so presently in the moment and that is the reward of the gift itself the creation itself and paradoxically I think those are the best artists you know they tend to do well at some point they tend to have some impact um but then I was also thinking as you were speaking that there are [01:23:49] Jacob: I mean back before social media the idea of being a poet and becoming like world famous that was completely ludicrous and [01:23:57] Brent: So poets were poets because of poetry or you know artists or artists because that's what they had that's what the Muse wanted them to do there was no Instagram to post it on you know these people maybe lived in a small little village with same 100 people that saw their painting and that was it um and so the reward I think was the art [01:24:18] Brent: Itself not uh you know the uh the accolades that may come may or may not come and I think that's a key theme and Stephen pressfield's work like you were describing um you know the Muse uh [01:24:32] Jacob: Inspires you to create and that feels so good in itself and um you know that seems to be uh what I like to try and remind myself of because I can also get caught up in ideas of like you know I look at the like oh how many views did this video get and how does it compare to the [01:24:55] Jacob: Last one and then I remember like uh it's completely out of my control it's completely something else yeah where whereas you know if you had a boss or you have a sponsorship that's like hey your viewership is Down Like You Don't Want to Lose Your sponsorship [01:25:11] Jacob: Right you know it's a it's kind of you know I think in any artist or any Creator who is who's using their creative um stuff to pay their bills I think that's an easy thing to get caught in um uh luckily I have uh my work in [01:25:26] Jacob: Live Events is separated from a lot of this work as much as I try to keep it all kind of just like um you know there's no secrets with me there's no um you know like if somebody on the job side it's like hey if I found your social media what's this all about like I would love to tell them all about it you know but like right now I'm here you know oh you hired me to uh be a lighting Tech today so that's who I am you know um uh but yeah I think uh I do find it I [01:25:51] Jacob: Do find it very interesting like the integration of uh being an artist and making sure everybody knows you're an artist or like being treated as an artist you know I think we see it with a lot of famous people sometimes you know we'll see videos or Clips where [01:26:09] Jacob: Um you know like it kind of has this don't you know who I am flavor to it which is uh uh yeah man like uh I saw this video once it was I think it was Jay-Z on a subway and he was talking to this old lady and she was like asking what he does he's like oh I'm a rapper and she's like oh you know and she's like oh I remember exactly maybe she said liking my grandkids like rapper or something and um and basically she had never heard about Jay-Z she doesn't know about Jay-Z which you know to most of us is like what you know about you know about Jay-Z uh but dude all he is to her in that [01:26:46] Jacob: Moment is just a man on the subway and like oh we're talking about working in oh you rap that's pretty cool well here's what I did in my life you know in I think we can get caught up in a version of you know like what if Jay-Z was offended like you don't know who I am you know and suddenly you can't you can't connect with this person you know so uh yeah there's this way where we want to take our Artistry with us um you know whether you have fame or not but there is kind of this um like trying to introduce it you're trying to control The Narrative of who you are you're [01:27:19] Jacob: Trying to control how people see you at all times and I think that like a lot of artists um get caught up in this you know and it's uh it's this it's the stance of the ego um but I really [01:27:31] Brent: Like just trying to trying to be very natural and open and honest about that integration you know [01:27:40] Jacob: Um uh I had this example yesterday so I think that even outside of people knowing me as an artist or if they've ever listened to any of my stuff or if they've followed me or any of that um it's been pretty cool over the last couple years just to you know I'm not trying to force any sort of spiritual talk in anybody I'm not trying to make anybody you know if they want to talk about the Family Guy episode last night and I thought [01:28:04] Jacob: Cool I'd love to talk about that sounds fun let's laugh together and they don't have to know anything about me being spiritual um but it's actually very cool when you relax that like need to like you know hate what you want to don't you want to heal your childhood trauma uh it seems inevitably people notice what subject [01:28:21] Jacob: Areas uh you seem to be you know Wise or intelligent about so yesterday I was on this gig I actually um it was I didn't even know until I got to the gig but it was a private event for the band One Republic down in San Antonio and uh I only know that because I didn't I didn't meet them or see them or anything but we're pushing in the cases and I saw their name on the thing um but this younger guy who uh through this company I'm a supervisor for a lot of their shows and uh [01:28:51] Jacob: Basically like as there's a lot of roles where I'm teaching um younger guys you know like in their early 20s about the world and about what we do and uh it's really cool because I get to be kind of this uh leadership role you know I really like being a leader when I can and so I'm not only teaching them about you know the correct wires for this and the this is how this runs and this is how we do this in this world but um also just by my me being [01:29:18] Jacob: Present and me being interested in things that I'm interested in um they notice that I'm knowledgeable or a person who can give them you know maybe good advice or something on subject so in anyway last night this younger guy that um that I've worked with who kind of like asked me some inquisitive questions [01:29:34] Jacob: I feel like he really listens when I talk um so I try to take that serious it seems like he actually does want to learn something from me um uh he was like man I'm so glad to see you I've been meaning to tell you uh add [01:29:47] Jacob: Sleep paralysis the other night and then I fell back asleep and he starts talking about all this lucid dreaming stuff and uh he is so cool to me he sees me as [01:29:55] Jacob: Someone who is uh knowledgeable and willing to speak about uh lucid dreaming and the dream world and then so we kind of get into you know the whole gig we're kind of talking about lucid dreaming and all these really [01:30:07] Jacob: Interesting stuff and um he's inquisitive to me um and I'm just talking about things that I'm generally interested in he's asking me questions and I'm just telling him truth like oh I read this book on this and it seems like this thing sort of happened so um it I think to round about what I'm trying to say is that when you just show up show up as who you are rather than trying to run around with a microphone tell or a megaphone telling everybody that you are this thing I think that opportunities to [01:30:37] Jacob: Be the expression of who you are and the things that you're interested in actually come about more often than you may think um wow well said yeah [01:30:47] Jacob: I was hoping that made sense um but yeah it's a lot of my life these days seems kind of like that like I just try to you know I'm not meditating so I can be an ultimate meditator in like [01:31:03] Jacob: Teach everybody I meet about meditation but I meditate so I could be a true Express expression of who and what I am and when other people stop by and they happen to need that and here I am you know [01:31:23] Brent: It's like this um and I yeah I think you can get what I'm quite I'm trying to point out there's this level of being an artist of being a poet a Creator a content [01:31:34] Brent: Creator an influencer where you're like I'm this don't you want to hear about it I'm this don't you want to hear about it but it's like this is actually it's all very spiritual being an artist is your work it's only your work and other people [01:31:47] Brent: Don't have to give a crap about it you know as great as it is to create something and have other people see it and have an audience and there is that whole realm and that's amazing but there's also a way in which you got to be honest with yourself man if you're obsessive about this philosophy meditation stuff then be obsessed about it like you don't have to run it run around the streets and tell everybody about it but I think that there's a reason why you there's only a reason for other people in your relationships in your life to for you to um pursue your interests in such ways but there's also a [01:32:21] Jacob: You'll begin to notice that when people are trying to come up for air there you are you know like you have the answers you weren't talking about you weren't planning on talking about those things that day or you weren't reading this book so you could go on and tell everybody about the concepts in this book um and if that's what you do if you have a YouTube channel and that's what you do like that's cool man that's you know that's whatever but I think there's this beautiful uh intertwining with Artistry [01:32:47] Jacob: Of this like artistic spirituality of sorts that is you do your work and just trust that you are affecting the people around you know your audience is right just people in the street your co-workers you know your family just the presence that you bring because you do your own work isn't about you walking into the room of your family and going you all need to meditate right now it's about as they're screaming at each other and you seem to be at peace like they can't ignore that you know like you [01:33:20] Jacob: They're going to start asking questions in a sense you know um so yeah it's just spirituality and Artistry it's very personal man it's very personal as much as it's performed on the stage as much as it's given to the world as much as it's presented in this sort of way it's a deep personal work you know and it's almost your job is a you've spoken nicely about um uh a lot of like kundalini stuff is like spiritual puberty in a sense in it's kind of kind of a lot of what it is it's like this your spirituality as an artist I think is [01:33:58] Brent: A way of working on your maturity like you're maturing into what's trying to be communicated through you and um you know getting obsessed with like how other people think about you or how you're presented or um uh you know where your [01:34:13] Brent: Work goes and all this sort of stuff kind of gets in the way of your own personal work I don't know I uh I guess I'll kind of kind of round out there but I think overall just the [01:34:23] Brent: Intense personal nature of being an artist is very important it's not about other people it's not about it's not really about the artist it's a very um it's your own maturity trying to trying to work through itself and I think that you know there's ways that we can be untruthful to the art if we're [01:34:42] Brent: Trying to strangle it if we're trying to hold it if we're trying to present it in a certain way you know it's a I don't know it's very personal right I love the way you say that it is very personal spirituality artistry what's coming to me here is you know if you're if you're in a relationship with another person your relationship between the two of you is also a personal thing that you don't necessarily present to the world whereas you know you may see some celebrities uh you know whether it's stage or not but you know they like have a TV show that [01:35:19] Brent: Trades their relationship to the world and it's now a public affair whereas our relationship with our spirituality our relationship with our Artistry our art is personal it's [01:35:29] Brent: Um and maybe some of it will leak out into the public here and there but I like the way you're describing that and going back to the way that you're playing a sort of uh mentor [01:35:41] Brent: I don't know if that word feels right for you but it sounds like that to me in terms of when you're at work and whatnot um I was thinking of asking you whether you'd consider yourself a light worker um this idea of like you know somebody with some sort of uh spiritual intention you know doing works of service out in the world um I'm interested to get your take on that but it seems that you know you're living your spiritual awakening out in a very integrated way that [01:36:13] Brent: Um is necessary at this time what I've said before is that yeah I mean I play this you know spiritual teacher and for the most part those are the people that we hear from who write books do videos whatever and others go through Spiritual Awakening and think well that must be the only job that's there for me now is to you know start being a spiritual podcaster or something because we don't hear so much from people that are like yourself working in uh you know the entertainment industry as a supervisor supporting other people uh to do their work and intertwined in [01:36:49] Brent: There you're throwing in some of the wisdom that you've gained along the way and I think that's absolutely necessary to get this Ascension going because we [01:36:57] Brent: Can't all go on Retreats and leave our jobs and start you know like you did you know consuming hours and hours of content every day and meditating all the time some people their sat song is uh you know on the job [01:37:10] Brent: Wiring up some lights and speakers and whatnot maybe that's what it is I'm curious to get your take on that how does that feel for you maybe I'm way off would you consider yourself a light worker no yeah I really like how you pointed that out I um I don't think lightworker is a term that I use but obviously it's in my uh vicinity you know I hear it all the time and I like it I like the way you describe it I think um yeah um even before my spiritual stuff I've always been a bit of a chameleon um I can kind of assimilate to whatever situation there's a lot of ways where I think that kind of like my childhood traumatic um you know I basically [01:37:48] Brent: Realized from a young age oh nobody's taking care of me I've got to figure out how people work I gotta figure out how Society works I gotta figure out how to like take care of myself and so I was very observant of everybody I watch everybody and I uh and I [01:38:01] Jacob: You know you know my way of learning is kind of like okay so people do that I understand and then and then I would go and act um you know it's almost the birth the birthplace of people pleasing in a lot of ways too that's been a lot of my journey is kind of unraveling that but um uh my chameleon nature allows me [01:38:18] Jacob: To connect with people in a way that um [01:38:24] Brent: Kind of like penetrates and reflects in and um so okay so like if I'm describing a [01:38:33] Jacob: Chameleon nature there's you know say there's two versions of us there's our social self and then there's our internal dialogue you know and a lot of times people can be projecting or being a chameleon of the social self like if someone shows up to me and they're like I'm this job and I'm a mom and I have this car and [01:38:53] Jacob: That's like who they're trying to be and who they're trying to uh interact with me as um I have this natural ability it seems um to reflect back to you who you are but not who the Persona is of who you are it's almost like sometimes um I'd really try to come across as kind and sweet and you know I very much love people um but oftentimes I notice that I'm triggering people by just um like my I'm almost like reflecting back to them something that they may be thinking inside in a sense um and there is some sort of like [01:39:37] Jacob: Attraction to that in some sort of ways from other people like it's almost like when someone is ready for the truth they stumble on my path or something like that um and again that sounds like really uh a big-headed uh but um they're just like a way that I will notice you know some friends that I've that have like told me this but also just something that I've just been observant of is um uh [01:40:04] Jacob: I will speak to people in a way in which nobody has ever spoken to them I will not just by the way that my subject like [01:40:14] Jacob: You know certain subjects just don't get talked about you know you don't you don't talk about uh politics in God at the dinner table that sort of thing um you know I'm like what are you talking about like that's the most fun you know let's talk about God that sounds so fun you know um but I don't know yeah there's a way that I think that now that I'm aware of it man I think that um there is ways where just me being my [01:40:39] Jacob: True self does kind of I don't know if I'm saying this right but like it influences like there is some Shock Depot there is there is [01:40:49] Jacob: Um spiritual things that happen within other people by having conversations with me and I'm not really sure where to put that you know you may have that might be not even just like a me thing that might be uh anybody on the spiritual path it's like I almost maybe accidentally like give [01:41:10] Jacob: People little glimpses of something that they didn't realize they were carrying around or something or like um you know I think love and intimate relationships can often show you this of like um uh you know they allow the truest [01:41:23] Jacob: Version of you to express itself and that is so um so many layers deep behind people sometimes um and so yeah I think in some senses I would consider myself a light worker again it's not super intentional um it's just my own work it's [01:41:40] Jacob: Right it's my own you know what we practice in private is what other people hear or what uh there's some artist thing like uh like you're showing everybody something you made in your dark basement you know like I just go in my dark basement and I do my work and if you're willing to meet me there if you're willing to meet me where you really are and where I really am there could really be some you know spiritual energy exchanged you know whether we're you know neither of us are trying to have that thing I think intentionally consciously anyway um but yeah I'll have conversations with people and I can tell or they will tell me afterwards that they've never had any sort of conversation like that before and I'm like oh that's kind of what I was thinking about that day you know those sorts of things I don't know if that really answers your light workout question right no it's perfect it's uh it's a perfect answer and I [01:42:32] Jacob: Think we're approaching a topic there that many out there going through something so profound as kundalini Awakening are thinking it and feeling it and experiencing it yes it does have an impact on others this energy I like to describe is contagious and that can cause us to in the way you said you know feel like you know we're getting a little arrogant big-headed and we you know we might want to even shut it down or think how can I be influencing other people or radiating something or they're [01:43:00] Jacob: Uh they're you know being attracted to me and whatnot but let's get it out there in the open yeah we're all radiating every human being is radiating this is science and the Heart emanates and electromagnetic field our nervous systems can co-regulate each other um there is uh something unspoken that's [01:43:20] Jacob: Being transmitted now somebody who's gone through something like uh you described Spiritual Awakening kundalini Awakening the Deep inner healing they're radiating some component of that [01:43:30] Jacob: Um and so yeah it happens but as long as we are like you we're saying I'm just doing my work I'm just I'm just me I'm not going around saying hey come to me I'll change your life you're not saying that hey I'll blast your mind with some cool line I have or some look in your eye or something just doing you and people come if they're in a position to receive something from you receive it and I'm sure others are you're receiving things from them I receive things from other people as well we're all exchanging information um so I just love the way you're describing this um because I know many on the path are in fact the complete opposite of what we may call a narcissist you're so afraid of going in any direction that may be uh you know in alignment [01:44:18] Jacob: With some sort of arrogance and that causes them to be like you know super insecure small hide but no we have to just come out and yeah if people are meant to pick up on something we have to offer well let them let them pick up on it and of course it doesn't happen to everybody um you know so people would say you know SRI Ramana maharshi greatest Saint ever you know some people just looked at a photo of him and it changed their life other people in person just being in his Fields experience incredible spaciousness of peace but other people are like well how's it what's the deal with this Indian guy wearing you know it's a cloth as his underwear and just sitting around like what the hell is going on here you guys are right it's not like he like said hey take a picture of me and so when people see it they get enlightened you know is it like there's just a picture of him and someone saw you know uh ramdas actually just I just heard the talk I think yesterday uh from ramdas how he was talking about um something that he would see saw in this um I don't remember exactly some like Christ movie um that he had seen I don't know if his Passion of the Chrysler or what exactly but um the way that they were depict before he'd do a miracle was like okay we need this miracle done and he would stand in front of it and go and then like the miracle would happen you know it is like he I love how he describes that because he's like oh that's not how it is you know it's not a trying it's not a um it's it really is in a lot of ways is you just being who you are getting out [01:45:45] Jacob: Of your own way in every moment and allowing you know this insane spiritual energy to kind of work through you and you know if someone is right for it cool and if they're not right for it they're gonna go like why are you looking at this picture of an old half naked dude with a blanket on like that means nothing to me but um you know again with rhombus I know I talk about him a lot but he's just I've been uh a lot of his like heart centered work has been really helpful for me um but yeah it's a [01:46:16] Brent: I don't know man it's [01:46:21] Jacob: It's a presence I don't know I think it's very fascinating like the word ripe that he uses now I wonder if you think about this like the like what is it that makes you know like if I'm sitting here with you know say my best friend from childhood and we've had a lot of similar experiences we're a lot of like we're best friends or whatever and I'm listening to you on a podcast and you say something and I'm like what hold the pause it what that is the [01:46:52] Jacob: Craziest thing I've ever like my mind is blown by it and he's like what why is that important to you know like what is it that makes me so ripe to hear that thing at that time um in like I think that's rather fascinating you know why is it that I had these experiences you know um there's studies about mystical experiences where um you know people who just live there every day-to-day lives maybe they've done psychedelics one time maybe they've had um you know in a church setting they've had like this profound what they would call uh you know a very important part in their life like a very life-changing reality altering moment in [01:47:34] Jacob: Their life some of us it could change the trajectory of our entire life it could change the course of everything about us you know and that seems to be what happens with us with kundalini is um you know we have these profound experiential experiences this initial kind of Awakening for some people they could have this you know like I said my best friend's sitting next to me or something he could read the exact same thing he could have the exact same thing happening it's not about the words it's about like the weaving of them [01:47:59] Jacob: At the exact right moment you know you have to be right for these sort of things um and I think I don't know man is it's just very fascinating what do you think what is that what is the like why are some of us more ripe for these certain moments than others in what is the [01:48:18] Jacob: Uh I mean what are the what's the Playbook here you know is like a koan could be so profound to me but someone could listen to it and not hear the same thing at all that I heard it's just it's crazy yeah I think it's got a lot to do with um the uniqueness of this path uh that we all have different things that we're working out um and one way I've described it is that [01:48:43] Jacob: Even right now there may not be mind-blowing uh conversation between you and I but there's behind the scenes like pieces are being laid and at some point they're like the uh [01:48:59] Jacob: The centerpiece will fall into place and then it'll all be a mind-blowing experience um and so I looked at it that way like everybody has a different pace that their Pieces come into place different things different themes and uh I think it makes it so [01:49:20] Jacob: Much more interesting otherwise this path would be like super linear you know be like okay everybody read this book okay everybody read this poem listen to this listen to this guys so this one talk go to this time stamp and then you know this is the book for level 13 of Enlightenment is this book you can read it in this grade yeah right and so [01:49:38] Jacob: I think it just can it shows that this path is so unique for us all and that's why I want to have guests on like yourself you know you shared such a unique journey and we all have shared unique Journeys but some people will resonate with some of the major themes in yours and say ah the other people didn't speak to me but [01:49:56] Jacob: Jacob what he said that was a centerpiece for me that was a click for me when he said that um and so I think that's how we all uh support each other I'm curious if uh if that's uh speaking to you or if [01:50:11] Jacob: You've got anything else dad no entirely yeah I mean it kind of correlates right with what I was saying you know like somehow what I'm communicating or somehow what you're communicating is that passenger side mirror of a 1996 Buick LeSabre whatever you know it's just the [01:50:25] Jacob: Right part I was thinking about the um a term I've used in my writing uh that I had just looked back on my notes uh is the bottom dropping out um in a lot of like the spiritual practice is just a continuously the bottom dropping out and uh you know not now it's a very exciting thing it's like something you almost want and it is there's almost like a desire for oh cool I could have another Revelation you know because Awakening is not a moment it's a continuous you're consistently Awakening and um sometimes it feels like you backpedal but then you realize you hadn't and you're you know this is whole it reminds me of what I was visualizing when you were talking Brent was um you know those uh had an arcade those quarter machines where you drop like a token or a quarter and they're just going back and forth and if you drop the right token or the right quarter at the right spot and you angle it just right it's going to push you know five to fifty Quarters off you know [01:51:18] Jacob: Um and sometimes they're just little quarters being laid there's just little tokens in our life that are um you know being placed in the right spot and they're stacking up but when they drop out it's going to be a big drop out you know right you're gonna win big you know so um yeah I think that's so fascinating I love the um you know it just seems like you know rhombus uses the word ripeness or you just ripe I mean I've heard other spiritual teachers use it too and uh it's really just a reminder to follow the path for you or I'm sorry it's a [01:51:49] Brent: Reminder to follow your path not necessarily the path you know it's right up there in line with your goal is not to be a good meditator you know you're not you're not supposed to be the best meditator like I'm good at meditating now I'm spiritual you know it's like maybe that's not your path you know maybe um maybe it's not about sitting down to read the war of art maybe it's about you're an extreme person who does things [01:52:15] Jacob: Um you got to go all in and so what you need is to put headphones in and buy the audiobook and run until you're finished with the book you know it's just like we all have um uh there's like there's a very personal intuition for all of us you know it's not like you're as much as you know we talk about tapping into the Muse and there's this continuous kind of collective unconscious that speaks to us in a sense um to use Carl Young's uh wordings of [01:52:41] Jacob: Collective unconscious but um there's a very personal spiritual path for each of us and it's like it's okay is the thing your personal spiritual path is okay you know maybe suddenly you get this moment like me where you realize that you've kind of been a shitty person and you're not living to your truth and the person that you know [01:53:05] Jacob: Served you well for a long time uh was really great but suddenly this person just does not serve who you who you want to be in the future you know maybe you realize that and the answer isn't to sell your clothes buy white and orange cloaks and join a Buddhist Monastery you know maybe it's ah man I've been [01:53:27] Jacob: Drinking 17 beers a night like I'm gonna only drink 16 tomorrow you know that's an extreme example but it really is like you gotta step on the path where you're at you can't as much as we could use other people's lives and their stories and their Journeys as influences and inspiration and all this stuff um you know I think that's been a huge thing for me is learning that my path is okay you know my spiritual journey [01:53:53] Jacob: Is personal and that's okay you know and I can't do it the way that other people did it I tried to read this um forget that oh uh have you heard of the term in meditation stream entry [01:54:05] Jacob: Right yeah um it's kind of like a step-by-step process this is actually fun like it's we're describe it's like a step-by-step process for like um uh reaching samadhi and stuff like there's I think it's something like it's like a ten step anyway I bought this book um in the throes of me being obsessed with all this stuff and meditation and I bought this book uh John caldasa I [01:54:32] Jacob: Think is his name one of the authors um and man I remember just like trying to push myself push myself okay I got to meditate for this long each day it says to do this I'm gonna do this meditation um when in actuality like maybe what I needed was to just walk outside in the morning and pull up YouTube and just click on whatever like oh that seems like a cool meditation I'm gonna do my meditation today you know um yeah so anyway I guess just like um just believing our own personal spiritual paths and stepping on it where we're at you know maybe we're a hundred miles from the path so we think but you know walking north towards the path if it's [01:55:10] Jacob: North is better than walking South you know uh so yeah so just walk in the [01:55:16] Brent: Direction of what your spiritual path is I think is what I'm trying to say here oh well said I think many will resonate with that and find some peace and acceptance of where they're at because of course you know uh sometimes people think they're doing something wrong or that they're messing it up and because their path doesn't look like someone else's path um I think it was I just Shanti who [01:55:40] Brent: Like you also had a very uh I guess you could say masculine approach to just going at it meditating really intensely and trying to make it trying and this was the same for me I was very masculine in my Approach uh early on and [01:55:57] Brent: I deshanty describes and I can also agree it he says it's his spiritual path was one of failure it just all of his efforts failed um he may use the term I'm not sure but I like to say I became exhausted by those ever like I was so exhausted and that's when shifts happen when I just burnt myself out um and that was my path when I look back on one level we could say well that was the incorrect approach but maybe [01:56:27] Brent: Trying really hard was the approach for us to get us to exhaust ourselves out so it's paradoxical um we can't get it wrong even if even if you are trying to like you said you know get on the path where you're at you know be true to your own Journey even if there's somebody out there who's trying to copy another Journey or following a book or tradition to the T that's still their Journey too you see it's like it's paradoxical it's interesting but ultimately I think you've shared some incredible wisdom there you know we can't get it wrong everybody has to get on the path where they're at that's going to look different and that's really my intention with having guests on this show is to show people that look I can present my story my ideas in my own way but I don't want it people to listen to me as if that's the only way and so of course uh you know we've got guests on like Jacob to share your story that looks so unique and different but of course if we extrapolate there are the overarching themes of uh introspection practicing presence [01:57:34] Brent: Getting back into the body getting back into the world um you know living a real life paying bills healing you know healing the inner child uh all of those things have come up today and it's been an excellent conversation Jacob um it's about time that we start to wrap up but uh I want to thank you for sharing so openly and such a real way that I [01:57:58] Jacob: Think is going to really speak to a lot of people and people will say hey yeah you know I'm I can accept my journey as it is because uh you know we've got some inspiration from you so thank you so on that note please let us know how we [01:58:14] Jacob: Can uh further connect with you um all the links will be in the description but please feel free to uh [01:58:21] Brent: Shamelessly tell us about what you've got going on online and how people can uh tune in and listen to more of what you have to say um yeah like I said at the beginning I get to talk about myself my favorite thing um yeah man we'll thank you Brant so much uh you know I've appreciated our interactions in our in our conversations very greatly uh I'm really just I'm a fan of your work so it's really cool for us to be able to actually interact and you know kind of you know we get to know each other a little bit so I think it's very cool I think it's very cool that you're offering this space for people um you know dude it's such a it's such a we've talked about this before it's such an alienating journey and you do feel you [01:59:00] Jacob: Feel wonky man this whole thing is just crazy whether you use the terminate terminology of kundalini or even if you use the word spirituality or whatever you know we're going to stumble into our books and our learnings of what wordings and stuff make sense to us you know maybe it's through a certain religion maybe it's through um you know healing from that religion you know maybe that religion harmed you when you were younger and you're trying to find spirituality after that as an adult there's all these different levels of it and so yeah I think it's very important and very cool that you offer space for um you know all of us on in different in different levels and different paths and there's no it's normally wrong or [01:59:35] Jacob: Right way it's just kind of about listening to your intuitive uh intuitive way of guidance and um yeah I just I'm really just a fan of your show I just love listening to spiritual conversations anyway um I love hearing when people Express themselves uh how they're going through [01:59:52] Jacob: Certain things or they've been through that and remember oh dude I had that happen too that's actually pretty crazy you know and uh it all correlates so yeah man thank you so much but um yeah [02:00:01] Jacob: So I would say probably these days Instagram is the best way to get a hold of me Jacob from the internet um and that is just I try to post my podcast Clips on there with guests I try to post um poetry spoken word um like I said I do some hip-hop stuff I'll do some DJ work I have like all these different facets of my creative Journey that you know sometimes I'm sometimes I have four months of just like hard DJing you know and that's what I'll be posting sometimes I have um moments of being very introspective sometimes I'm going through another like Awakening layer and so I'm trying to share that I try to be vulnerable on there uh you know like I said I have podcast episodes that are that are like just cringy to listen back to but it's just where I was at that time and so that's just okay um Jacob from the internet on Instagram [02:00:51] Jacob: Um the junkyard love podcast wherever you listen to podcasts um I believe my YouTube channel is uh [02:00:58] Brent: Jacob from the internet either way the [02:01:00] Jacob: Junkyard love podcast or Jacob from the internet you will find me um and I'm always just kind of sharing um you know I am known to like suddenly realize I need a break from all this stuff and so maybe I'll drop off the face of the Earth for a month or two on social media but for the most part I like to post um you know I like to share my story my thoughts I like to share on my Instagram and things that I'm thinking about or my poetry or things that I've found in the world like if I'm listening to your podcast Brent and there's just this magical 23 seconds of you saying something I'm gonna share that to my story I think that's super cool so yeah I just tried to uh I'm genuinely interested in spirituality and self-growth and all this stuff and so when I find little bits and pieces of it I like to share that on my Instagram story and my in my Instagram so yeah man [02:01:46] Jacob: Right so all of the links will be in the description to uh the junkyard love podcast or Instagram YouTube I invite everybody to check it out on your podcast you've got uh some of my I think you call them solo cast where you speak about uh you know your journey uh you had a talk about your mental health experiences um experiences with uh I guess uh cutting out addictions and or [02:02:12] Brent: Addictive uh things you know um for some time and whatnot and all very fascinating as well as you've got some great guests on as well and yeah you give them uh a platform to share and [02:02:24] Jacob: Explore and uh I think even some conversation with some friends too so invite everybody to check out the junkyard love podcast Jacob it's been an absolute pleasure today thank you so much if anybody's got a question for Jacob about his journey can leave a comment below on the YouTube or of course get in touch and I'll invite you [02:02:42] Brent: Jacob to uh jump in the comments to respond to anybody that has uh anything for you so with all that said thank you so much Jacob to our listeners our audience thank you so much for hanging out with us today we really appreciate you and until next time much love [02:02:56] Jacob: And peace cool we are recording yeah I hope I hope it was a bit clearer the rant is always interesting to talk about yourself in uh you know like I was saying I've been thinking about how do I want to present myself how do I want to present my journey I actually didn't want to talk about the cocaine thing because I feel like it just feels icky you know but it uh you know maybe it's what somebody needs to hear [02:03:19] Jacob: So it sounds like that's what needed to come out I suppose hello and welcome to the junkyard love podcast