The JYLP Episode 092 with Roman Merrell of 'RFTA Podcast' - A Complicated Historical Paradigm

[00:00:06] Intro: Hello and welcome to the Junkyard Love podcast at what age should we learn to have better conversations with ourselves knowledge is power reality is that just get two hours later we're like oh so man I've got it I have a I've deleted podcast episodes multiple episodes I've deleted entirely uh I've forgot to hit record like until I was 20 minutes or so in more than once uh I've I've fudged it some of my best ones or I guess uh some of the better ones yeah they have had like either like major technical issues like someone drops out halfway through and you don't know until editing or they just vanish like you ever had to file just vanish you're like where did it go yeah I have a ton um frustrated like I feel like my computer sometimes deletes things without my permission it happens with tracks all the time too um yeah or I will that sucks I like to record my audio separate in um in my Daw I like I use Ableton so I record it in there just so I can edit it later and make it sound fancy and I had a ton of them that just like all of the files that I recorded got deleted I mean I had

[00:01:57] Jacob: The zoom back up so I was able to use it but I still really don't know what I did to delete a ton of my own recordings from podcasts oh man dude I have Ableton Live and I have never opened it's daunting

[00:02:15] Roman: Dude it is so intimidating it's a staircase just looking at it I'm like I don't even want to open I'm just gonna leave you you look pretty on the desktop that's about it yeah and you could tell people you have it like yeah I got Ableton Live no big deal so it's actually my main weapon I still I mean there's so I still suck at it I think um I've been using it's been my main thing for a long time but luckily I had the ignorance as Bliss I didn't realize that it was like super difficult to start on it was just one that I had heard of when I first started thinking music is cool to try to make um and I was like all right well that's the one I had a friend help me out and like you know crack it um and just started cracking on it and just because I've been forced to use it and using it so much I kind of know my way around it but yeah it's a I mean I don't know that I could teach anybody how to use it yeah you have well that's really cool that's gonna uh and I mean the tracks you sent me like that have

[00:03:12] Roman: That specific style that's like almost like this beat poetry um like train tracky beat poetry Vibe with like the like just generally has like this calm meditative uh Trail to it I feel like that's the best way man because like I myself have I taught myself guitar um and like I specifically was a very much a hard ass about never learning any covers or any other songs or whatever like and so but what that does is when you when you get into it and you just dig deep in the in the mystery of music you develop your own style and you know it though it takes a very long time longer than you know being classically trained and learning theory and scales and everything you still get to envelop your own truth through the music um and through that time and that you put in that hard work and so it's it is quite a journey and uh that's impressive man to teach yourself Ableton like that is no small feat you know you put that on your gravestone yeah bro you YouTube is my BFF too for sure like I spent a lot of time on YouTube and just trying **** and again like I still I

[00:04:27] Roman: Feel like I if I had somebody who was really good at Ableton over my shoulder I'd be like yeah I kind of know Ableton like I feel like I wouldn't be very sturdy like I wouldn't say it with my chest like yeah I know able to you know just because there's so many layers like did the people who are good at that program are good at that program really all of these programs are like there's levels too I can work my way around and I can make some **** sound like cool and and I can figure out how to get your mic or get your vocals over some tracks and stuff but there's levels to it bro uh hey also I was thinking about when you were just saying like going through the route of learning music you know in the non-traditional way not only like not reading music but like kind of just teaching and like falling into it and just like the hours of listening to yourself sound so bad like trying to find occasionally sound good like was that was that a process for you of like like getting through the frustrating part of I know there's something good in here so just keep fiddling around and

[00:05:28] Jacob: Yeah I mean you know me I mean so for people that don't know we uh we've known each other for a very long time since the high school days

[00:05:36] Roman: Yeah and um I've always been kind of just like a a little bit of a fringe weirdo on the on the social groups and things you know I'm like I kind of fit in here kind of fit in there but it's always a always just been a little weird so I liked weird things and so to me though they might have sounded cool when I would play for other people uh it would just kind of like the timing and the Rhythm wasn't something that was like what you would consider to be catchy um it's not your fault on the floor that everybody's used to exactly and like you know for me being such a hard ass and growing up really loving punk music and wanting just to be different like I've always really you know and we all strive for that uniqueness or that difference um but you know when I when I was growing up I was just like I you know like sometimes it was in the Forefront of my mind like I need to be a crazy son of a **** I need to be crazy I need to be I need to be wild like I feel like I need to be wild

[00:06:41] Roman: And so you know but as you get older it's just like you know that little bit of that youthful Spirit you know it lingers in the back and you're like oh I don't know if I should follow it and it's like weird you do feel this uh the youth and the growing up like kind of getting farther apart um so I'm trying to hold on to that with like all of my might

[00:07:04] Jacob: Yeah isn't it such an art to hold on to it and like try to decide how much like do I keep a little Peter Pan in me do I do I yes I'll tighten my you know shirt and tie but I'm gonna throw my denim jacket over it you know what I mean like

[00:07:19] Roman: Yeah because you certainly have

[00:07:21] Jacob: Had that um like you know punk rock vibe to you like edge of everything I feel like you were certainly so I saw you as someone who was like friends with absolutely everybody like you were just everybody got along with you everybody had something nice to say about you I feel like you were such a chameleon in that way it's definitely chameleony uh and like the truth about it all at the end of the day is that like I'm a I'm a big I'm a big loner because I'm a Scorpio and like I didn't really fully embrace my

[00:07:51] Roman: Scorpio archetype Scorpios for days but we really enjoy our alone time and being underneath our Rock and our shade and low lighting we like low lighting we like ambient lighting we like Vibes we like chill um and so you know it's funny because like generally you know we don't notice these archetypes unless you're like you know completely raised by some Mystic hippie uh Voodoo parents but uh you know like you'll notice that when you look back at your youth you're like oh my God I'm fulfilling these these archetypes that like I've always had because your Celestial chart has always been a part of you and as you go through the process so like if you start to understand astrology now and then look back at what you're doing as your youth you find that you're fulfilling those archetypal roles like even as a youth so um I definitely got along with everybody I really like I like you know I've never really gotten a lot of confrontations like the most confrontations were like you know some of the **** I clung myself to like my one of my best friends were shot you know he was always getting in conversations I was like so I guess I'm getting in complications with this

[00:09:04] Roman: Guy as well yeah dude that's our path sometimes that's how it is I mean I love all of my friendships that I had in that way where it's like at that time that was exactly like what I needed and

[00:09:18] Jacob: I love that person to death but it's so interesting and fun and cool to like see yourself now and go like oh I was like working out this thing that like of course I was working out you know of course I was going through that process yeah that's wild so have you been I mean you just started to mention astrology and stuff like we haven't even got it for anybody listening we haven't really got a chance to catch up that much man I would like we haven't hung out since high school it's been we graduated in 2010 so I mean it's been a grip so bro can you like this is the most impossible thing but can you give me like a what have you been up to for the last you know decade or whatever 13 years yeah oh **** okay um yeah I mean like we have time too so like dive into like what are you into nowadays what do you love doing like all victim you know oh my goodness so um Jake and I've rekindled because we both have podcasts now and so you know that was a really great way for us to just be like hey you want to hang out like yeah on the internet that's what

[00:10:24] Jacob: Millennials do now I'm a grown man Millennials do this kind of **** oh my god um but yeah I mean it dude it's been a slow process man it's been a slow process um I I originally like out of high school like I wanted to go to The Cordon Bleu and be a chef like that's what I signed up for my senior year of high school food has always been a passion of mine I even have Chef tattooed on my hands food is an art flavor and community of like feeding people is always rung true like I love it um I love the aspect of people getting together of friend meals like I cook for everybody all the time I go home it's not Grandma cooking holiday meals it's your boy you know but the thing is actually I met a medical I met a girl uh so I'll give people a little bit more insight so came to Kelso High School right like switched senior year from this other school in our town to go to this other bigger school because me and my friend were fed up with like the Bold the bull hungry over at this other schools we're like let's go transfer to Kelso where the

[00:11:40] Jacob: People are cooler and like you know see what's up and I found myself uh actually dating this incredibly beautiful woman I was incredibly out of my league and you know she was really popular in all these things and uh this was Raquel uh Raquel flowers who is just I love her to death but man you know she is just she is wild bro and then I fell in love with somebody who you would almost consider it the complete polar opposite end with this her name is Rebecca and she was the like the most one of the most emo girls in the entire school right like she got caught like you know slitting her wrist in the bathroom like hanging out with the prominently really hardcore gay dude like she was you know so going from this uh you know from this realm to this realm where we were just completely enveloped in Emotion that's where I found myself being able to feel more truly who I was because I'm in you know like Scorpios we're deep emotion like we want to get to the real grit I'm not talking like happy sad I'm talking like dark blood like you know in a cavern on the ground in the forest like just the

[00:12:58] Jacob: True heartbeat of Life The Shadow side of life and um so we fell in deep love and we dated for about three and a half years and she

[00:13:10] Roman: Uh was going up to uh Western Washington University and I was like well I already have applied and signed up and got all my grants worked out for Chef's school but I guess I'm just gonna throw all that in the wind and go with you up to here and then I started to dive incredibly deep into psychedelics and started having um that's where I had my first Out of Body Experience and this out of body experience was I was walking on the street in Bellingham Washington it was winter time you know half an hour away from the Canadian border incredibly cold and I had my spirit I like I had to lay down like on the ground I just remember like looking up and I had my spirit leave and go out to what I what you would consider to be the atmosphere it was the outside of the atmosphere and I was just like a blue energy I was like a blue light and I was just nestled up what else was this was you know what this was like actually a culmination of a couple things um it is Bellingham I get you yeah

[00:14:19] Jacob: Yeah it is a wild town and I have stories about that town all day uh and it was like it was actually an amalgamation of uh you know acid LSD but really it's like do we even know if it's that you know yeah and you know it is it's not it's like the substance doesn't contain the experience you know it's you know I mean I like how you just animated that as well that was beautiful yeah clip that Jamie um I'm sorry carry on uh yes okay so you're above your body this is fascinating I love this I love like any

[00:15:00] Roman: Sort of out of body near-death experience oh man and it really it took me a while to digest this too because I don't even think when I came back into it I don't even think I remembered it for like months um but so basically what it was it was like me going and being there and I wasn't in my body I was the light in the blue I was the blue body just like everyone else around me was and when I went up there I just remember like touching proverbial blue energetic elbows with each other and I was just like oh like where are we here down there and I was like whoa and it lasted two seconds and then I went I went straight back in and then here was and so it was just like you know after leaving home and then just being bombarded with these mind-opening mind-altering experiences while also being in an incredibly codependent relationship um was like learning so much about about relationships in general like and I think that's been a huge part for me like you know because I've always been in like these like really deep relationships but I'm an introspective kind of guy we're all like you know I'm not afraid to

[00:16:16] Roman: To ask you know the hard questions and to be like is this Eve right like should I be in this like am I going to force myself to be in this relationship even though I know deep down that I don't want to be or like it's halting me in some way like it's halting my progression and so I had to leave and shortly after leaving there after dropping out of school which I only like mildly regret at this point how old are you about at this age but by now um I had left I'm just about I'm uh in between 19 and 20. uh I think 20 and then I go move down to Portland where I started this wanted to be like stand-up comedy so I did some stand-up I started writing jokes um I started getting into some short films I had about three short films that I'd done and I was about to get my Screen Actors Guild and um I got this roll I got this role it was a paid gig it was a good gig and I was so excited that I went on to Facebook and I nailed the audition I got the call back I got the gig right I get

[00:17:28] Roman: On Facebook I'm just like oh what up everybody I'm so excited I got this you know I got my first paid roll whatever and the director was actually on Facebook and she sees it and she's just like what the **** is wrong with you're pre-production you're not supposed to say anything because it was about a short story and I like shared the short story that the film was going to be about and she blew up on me and she was just like she's like you'll never work in this town again and I was like what I was excited look I'm just excited I'm a young kid dude like I don't know I didn't know you can't say anything about movies or whatever it wasn't even a movie it was a very you know it was a two thousand dollar pediate whatever and so after that like I just um you know I was living in my friend's uh living room right it was literally living I was like doing like I was even I'm already here so I'm just gonna say I was doing like webcam stuff like hit naked in front of the webcam in my friend's living room when he would go to work oh this was like pre-only fans too

[00:18:35] Roman: This was like okay you're like the original only fans hipster like you were doing it before everyone was getting made paid like big bucks on it was some creepy sights

[00:18:45] Jacob: Man it would be like you just be there naked doing this and then people just like they'd go to your thing they tip you or they just keep going and so I even tried to Branch out on that I made a couple Craigslist posts back when Craigslist used to have like the the sexy section and I was like looking for a woman to make love on the webcam so we can make money hey

[00:19:09] Roman: Man got to pay the rent somehow those were treacherous experiences going to meet um the people that responded to me on Craigslist and so what happened was is I needed a serious shift because I was doing incredibly dark comedy where I was like using really vile language to try to break open this void of like people need to not be so clung to language to words to being so hurt or triggered by words that was like the point of my comedy was trying to trigger people to hopefully access something in them that would allow them to be less triggered because words so like you know later in the deep later as of now you know I'm I understand that the English Modern English language that we have now is actually a magical Labyrinth that has been created and curated through thousands of years of magical workings um so but I didn't know that when I was young I just knew that there's a bunch of **** going on I was trying to break the void yeah so I was at my truck at your core you had to throw some rocks at that you know I got you man this **** window and so I was I was I was

[00:20:30] Roman: At a proverbial bottom to me and uh you know like I didn't like trying to sell my body and do all these things so I had called my mom and I was just talking to her and she's just like well why don't you just go move to Hawaii like you know like don't you know that we have a friend out there who has a farm you can go work and live on his farm it's like no mother I did not know that we have somebody that I know I could go work on them you never mentioned this 20 years later and so it was I think a week and a half after that phone call where I was just I just decided to move out to the island and that's really when I think everything really shifted for me because you know um I went there and I didn't leave for three years after that point like I was there and I was I was stuck like a magnet on a fridge because the magnet the magnetized energy that is there the magmatic the volcanic energy let's just put it this way oh we were talking about it on the Vaughn gold episode right with dolphins and whales and they have magnified clusters in

[00:21:40] Roman: Their head as do humans we are attracted to the magnetic parts of the Earth and Texas by the way is incredibly magnetic um Hollow Caverns salt mines crystal mines Limestone I found out that Austin Texas was a huge Limestone Quarry and limestone is what they would use to build the **** pyramids out of one of the main materials so like the heavy magnetic draw that it has like it's a very conductive material used as a jolly geopolymer so um we're drawn and attracted to these places yeah uh Tyler Daniels I don't know if you've ever met Tyler Daniels he graduated with us as well um he's down here with it with me as well he's got his own place and everything but uh he's become very into pyramids and like researching that he's like Red Olive Graham Hancock's books and stuff um dude have you watched the new Netflix uh I have not watched it yet man yeah I haven't watched yet it's on my list to watch but I do love Graham Hancock and I follow some of the stuff I have not read his books but I always really enjoy when he's on podcasts and stuff dude I've yet to watch the documentary either and I really want

[00:22:55] Roman: To yeah uh need to because I heard I heard it's great and when it gets that much controversial uh feedback

[00:23:03] Jacob: Yeah that's good yeah it's funny what's going on it's hard because I'm not sure what I think that my view of it through social media is being painted a certain way so I'm not really sure what the truth is so it's hard for me to truly discern what's going on but it seems like they're doing this whole um saying that what Graham has to say is false or it's like pseudoscience because they don't want to change like the mainstream quote-unquote narrative um and so they're trying to like get it re-categorized um but again I don't know like Liberty saying mainstream narrative already paints me into this world of like I don't really know entirely what I'm talking about I **** love that dude you're incredibly truthful and I love that about you brother I haven't I haven't always been man that's something and I very much pride myself on trying my best to be truthful it's like the only way to live for me it's I will be I have to be 100 truthful now it's I don't have another option you're gonna break the patterns that's growing up that is maturing you know and one of the hardest things to do is to one notice the pattern and the two to

[00:24:10] Jacob: Break the pattern yeah notice it and not turn away I think is a huge thing I think um you can make a habit of uh noticing it and reacting in a different way or you know creating I mean that's a lot of how the ego builds its armor

[00:24:25] Roman: Right you know it puts up another wall noticing it and like okay what do I do when I notice that thing instead of being truthful with it I put up this guard you know so um okay I'm sorry I derailed you with uh with this Graham Hancock uh pyramid Limestone okay so you're in Hawaii Roman you're in Hawaii now you're magnified to this place and um all my dreams came true I mean Hawaii to me is it was more than um dreamy beaches um or you know a vacation it all it like even going into it I didn't think I was gonna go have a vacation like I knew I was gonna go work I really wanted to work I love work working makes me happy um and farming makes me happy you know when I did when I when I switched my um focus in school from culinary well I was like okay well I'm going to regular College what I'm gonna do I wanted to get into sustainability and um Agriculture and you know sustainable agriculture and all these things so me going to go work on a farm was a dream in general and you know so on and so forth the place was like I was like

[00:25:40] Roman: Great like Hawaii that's awesome but the Deep penetrating uh energy that's there is undeniable like just having had lived there off and on for about a decade now um really has shown me there's something deeper going on there spiritually that a lot of people like because one it's like there's so many beautiful magnificent islands for people to go vacation and visit to but Hawaii is one of the number one world touristy places like for cross like for Germans for French for Japanese for Chinese for Americans everybody in the world goes to Hawaii that's because it's one of the seven chakra points of the planet so people are happily attracted to it there and I it's almost like you have to go to it and through it at some point in your life that energy Vortex that lives there to have to have the fully optimized experience so I think people will go there for a vacation and not knowing that they're actually having a deeper spiritual lesson at that same time and people will try to move there for reasons that they don't know why they just felt a calling to go move there and they get there they have crazy experiences and what we what we call getting chewed up and spit out then

[00:27:10] Roman: There's people who go there and they never leave because they've just been they've been ingested by Pele and so you know there's these major workings these spiritual workings that are happening and for me I didn't really notice it until I had left the island for the first time in the three-year period and came back to the States moved back to Portland with a with a woman started doing that whole thing again that's when I was able to look back and be like oh my God like I've completely shifted everything in my being and I don't even think I did it to me I think I think it would happen to me I didn't do any of this like I've changed I'm different and I don't know what I did to do that I think I was just inhabited by the by the geographic location you know it's just crazy it is it's mind-blowing then okay so far I feel like the couple uh instances that you've mentioned does there feel like like they're like versions of you like there's a Roman before this time like this time in Bellingham when you have this like out of body experience you have this like deep profound love for this person it's like a cycle of like

[00:28:22] Jacob: Wow holy crap I didn't know I could ever look at this whole experience like the way I did I'm now a new person I'm now I'm just cocooned into a new butterfly and then like you know a couple years later you end up in Hawaii you have this new experience you come back to Portland and you look back and you're like oh my God I had another like cocooning of a butterfly is that what's going on is that is that kind of what you're saying is that I think there's so many layers to us that we will never unveil all the layers like I think after you get to this leather layer there's another layer there that you need to start working on um I don't know if there's ever a point in this journey in this life and I think this is what like major magical beings like in history like King Solomon or these different Alchemists who are chasing the alchemical Philosopher's Stone that eternal life here I don't think there's ever a point a full Transcendence on this physical plane I think any time you're going to be here you're working on a layer and you're shedding it and I think you can get through all the layers until you hit

[00:29:34] Jacob: That really thin point but I think even when you bust through that final layer you dissipate as a physical being and then you enter the spiritual realm you enter the energetic realm you enter and across the dimension and you know I think that's what a lot of like um these like metaphorical allegorical philosophical stories are talking about when they talk about Transcendence uh you know I it's just

[00:30:10] Roman: Yeah I think there's many layers to us but I don't think we're ever gonna be not peeling back the layers right if you're being truthful with yourself maybe yeah you might accidentally be adding more layers which they'll come off eventually you know it's all your choice but it's your game but uh

[00:30:30] Jacob: Yeah I don't know I guess I mean I don't mean to impose that like on your whole on your whole story so far but so far that seems like what it is to me is like it seems like you've been on this path of kind of like does it feel like you've been on a path of self-discovery because I feel like that seems maybe normal for people like you and I to say but a lot of people wouldn't look back at like their 20s and say oh yeah I was on a path of self-discovery or like you know Finding uh finding out about myself or figuring out about you know my place in the universe I'm not sure that everybody goes through the same uh Journey more and more are now that nowadays though

[00:31:06] Roman: Yeah I don't know man it's I kind of weave in and out a lot of this concept of like simulation Theory and you know because a lot of it makes sense but some of it makes a little too much sense to where it's like

[00:31:22] Jacob: Hmm you know it seems a little a little like a cop out to kind of say everything's a simulation um and then that would really mean that peop some people are NPCs and to me that just doesn't feel okay you know like just because somebody isn't going through as much of an Awakening Awakening process of you doesn't mean you get to consider them a non-participating character you know I think that there's just maybe these people that you know are considered NPCs they just they haven't you know they're stuck in maybe a level of like you know where they just who **** knows man that is it's very very difficult uh Waters to tread and yeah so we can't really talk about other people we can talk about ourselves you know we don't feel comfortable to call anybody in NPC I think that's rude and I don't think it's right well look brother I think you said it just right you said uh you know we're all on these different levels and I think that's the way to see it I actually have thought a lot about this NPC talk lately uh because I think like the younger Generations um it's like the most normal like it's really part of their vocabulary nowadays

[00:32:35] Jacob: Like this you know I love this at this like first person character energy like have you heard all this sort of stuff I think I think there is um some powerful stuff in that but I think we should tread carefully um the reason I say that you just said levels there's like levels to it um I feel like when I listen to a lot of like you know people who would like meditation teachers or like yoga teachers or people who have had near-death experiences or people who are on some sort of spiritual path or um you know maybe other people consider their teachings to be a level of enlightened you know if you look at Enlightenment the human path of Enlightenment as you know a hundred story building and and there's just levels and I think that every person is on a certain level and like you know some people might think that they're like up in the 60s but they're really like we're all just probably under 13 or so you know um but I think the thing to remember is I think thinking about Karma and like past lives and this sort of thing helps me remember that maybe this person I'm talking to maybe Uber driver is

[00:33:36] Jacob: Someone I can consider you know an NPC maybe they're like really low level interaction with the things that I like I believe that I'm really interacting deeply with these same exact subjects and I know the real truth of them and like as they're talking you have all these things of like oh If Only They knew what I knew and they're just repeating these things that they have no idea bro maybe they're just on like the third level of that story of all of our journey to Enlightenment to get to the level 100 it's just part of being a human whether you choose to admit it or or participate in it or not in this lifetime you're always on that path of the elevator going up you know on these floors and some people are just on lower levels in you and you know maybe in 25 million years when they're on like the same level you're on now so far as you think and you know they're on level 11. they can look down and be like oh okay these people that are NPCs I'm not better than them I'm not different than them I haven't like gained anything more they're just at an earlier stage of development of me in the karmic cycle of

[00:34:35] Jacob: Being Consciousness yeah existing and I

[00:34:41] Roman: Love it when you know you have an experience with somebody who you would never think that it would have like you like in the lift car in the Uber car and like you start to talk to them just to like kind of like shoot the **** just to kind of like poke and prod to see where see where they're at and you know depending on your energy for the day how playful you're gonna be but then you end up just having this mind-blowing like beautiful conscious conversation with this complete stranger almost like it was like meant to be and you know just breaks the mold of like you know everybody playing their part in the system because here's a good way you know one of the one of the great ways somebody explained it on a on um his name is Michael Juan Susquehanna Alchemy Susquehanna River um he's on YouTube he does he does a lot of great stuff and he's very energetic too so I love listening to him but he describes something that really stuck out to me and it was um you know kind of breaking the mold of simulation so we live in a simulation in a societal simulation now there's a societal simulation which is society

[00:35:57] Roman: Which has been created you have the Cornerstone of society you have rules you have Foundation you have money you have all these rules and parameters that make the simulated version of reality which is society but then you have the cosmic simulation a cosmic code algorithms that fit in on a mineral level on a gas level on a bigger atmospheric Universal level and so it's almost like we individually are on these different levels of the building levels of where we're at but at the same time Society also since we've created it to be its own living being is goes through its levels and then the planet itself is also working through these different levels and so it's fractal it's fractal every it's just we're all like you know tenderizing out dude it's nuts it's insane in all the little fractals are like I'm the one I'm it all the little hair follicles are say I am everything it's all it's me it's me and it's just completely exploding and moving in infinite directions an infinite speed forever and we're like no it's me hey do you do you have um uh I mean I mean I mean so you're talking in this way in um did you have what you would consider

[00:37:27] Roman: I mean through these experiences it sounds like an A accumulation of these sorts of things but did you would you ever have any sort of like this was my Spiritual Awakening like there's for sure Roman this day in Roman like that afterwards like where you kind of discovered because even like going back just a few minutes you're talking about like the societal structures of who we are and like the ego self and like um you know I'm this person with this job like even that level of like that initial speed bump of like waking up to the societal structures of like who you think yourself to be um that is like I mean that's a Year's worth of like work talking through your ship for a lot of people I mean I feel like it was for me I feel like that alone was a profound Awakening moment did you have any sort of like discovering that I've been lucky dude I've been lucky because I was blessed with seeing the

[00:38:24] Jacob: Hmm trying to find the right vocab for this when I was a kid I knew the system was broken I knew the system was broken when I was a child and I knew it and it kind of hit me in a weird way I remember going to Robert Gray Elementary School in Longview Washington and I was uh it was just sitting there and like I just I have this kind of memory still it's kind of funny um it was right before the cookie Brigade and the cookie Brigade was that was **** Tyrant when I was a kid and I was lashing out for a lot of reasons and I didn't quite know why um but I think a lot of it is because I knew that there was just something unjust about the system and I knew it was broken so there could be the cookie Brigade in sixth grade was they stop serving cookies to us in lunchtime not okay so we banded together a band of sixth graders and we said what are we gonna do about this boys what are we gonna do about this lack of cookies Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip sunken in the middle perfectly cooked there's no way they're taking that away down with the man

[00:39:38] Roman: Yeah and we literally got 106th graders to say we want cookies we walk and we stroll through the through the school and there was this lady that we uh she wore like the yellow vest you know I can't remember her name unfortunately bless her soul we trampled over her stop right there we're just like No And we just keep walking and she like literally got like fell on the ground in the middle of 106th graders and uh you know of course me and two others after a world did I'm sorry Jesus that was a dark one and you're just a comedian so I figured you'd appreciate it no the dark the dark is the real the dark is the light man um it's so anyways but yeah dude I don't know if I can I don't know if there was the point when I ever told myself I was having a spiritual awakening um I because life itself is the spiritual awakening and at some point you just **** realize it I do remember there was a time when I was having very profound spiritual experiences um that I had like a spiritual ego at one point um with this woman this woman that I was dating because she kind of rubbed her

[00:41:06] Roman: Energy off on me you know when you're in a relationship with somebody you kind of just your tendrils lock up together and you start to become intertwined and it is the beauty and it's also it's not all the beauty but you need to be weary of how much of other people's energies are on you and in you and there's practices and work that you can do to make sure that it's not happening um like I'm getting I have a clairvoyant that I work with um if you guys listen to rising from the ashes and the intro I always will shout out hurts so buy it so Garden she helps me go through a lot a lot of things like she is trained to kind of tap into your energy and be like oh this is not yours let's get rid of that let's pull that out of there and it took me a while to really settle in and be like this is actually happening and whether or not it's really truly happening energetically or it's just it's just it's she's taking care of that in my mental process it still feels really good to have that work done and so it kind of like kind of got lost on the

[00:42:13] Roman: Question there but dude I don't know if I would ever consider myself having said like oh I'm going through it right now but there's just I kind of woke up a couple years after the fact I think I was like kind of autopiloting going through that transition and I really do think that Hawaii itself the energy the you know we use these words like energy Vortex you know things like that when when there's something it's an umbrella term or something so much larger that really is hard to explain with a word because it's a sound it's a vibration it's an it's a shift it's something bigger and deeper man so it's hard to explain really the

[00:42:58] Jacob: Yeah the Dow that cannot be named is not the Eternal doubt um yeah I do find I found that a lot in this world as I've like Doven into you know the more spiritual side of things like all of these words are just completely like caught way back um like so many people can if you talk to me five years ago and you're trying to use well maybe not five years maybe like when I was just like a teenager or early 20s um you use word like energy and spiritual like I mean energy I guess like being a being in the music world like I would understand what you're talking about but um I would really put boundaries up if you start saying words like spiritual and stuff but there's a there's definitely like so much that we're trying to clearly explain that's

[00:43:44] Roman: Right on the edge of our words that we're like you know like the feeling and the energy and the and you know and the like we're just so but the great thing is communication is beyond words like as you're explaining it to me even through Zoom even through this camera and **** I'm thing I understand

[00:44:03] Jacob: Yes Roman I get it you know so it's we're able to say it still right but there is it is frustrating like you almost wish that we could come up with like a like a update or a software update to our language of like everything about our language is great but like can we just like let's you know like when we get emojis we get new emojis like sometimes we get a hundred of them like let's just get a bunch more words like once every year let's just update our language so we can at least a little bit know what we're talking about and communicate a little more clearly but yeah that sounds matrixy too like you just go into your pod this is like next day you wake up just 100 more vocab words you're like oh oh well I mean and neuralink I'm not sure if you follow any of that with uh Elon Musk but neural link is going into human brains in six months oh like on the market or they don't think in the market I think testing I think legal human trials is six months I mean I imagine bro they've probably already done plenty of testing on humans and monkeys and stuff um somebody told me they've already

[00:45:09] Jacob: Killed a bunch of monkeys but I haven't looked into it I don't know if that's true or not yeah I've been looking into neural link for quite some time um I've had qualms with Elon Musk for a bit um not in the sense that like what he's doing but I actually because I'm a history nerd I **** love history and so I looked in the Elon musk's family I said well let's see what's going on deeper here and I'll give you a little a little background on the musk family um and uh it's really interesting and what what a lot of people need to understand is that it's not that he doesn't work hard and do all these things but he's he comes from money and he has had money a lot of money big family money that most of us would never understand this type of money um so his grandfather was a um very well-known chiropractor in Canada and the late 19th century and chiropractors were actually like at high regard as healers in the community and it was a really good job to have if you went to school for Chiropractic uh chiropractor you were only working on like people who could afford such practices and you know

[00:46:38] Jacob: You're doing a good job you're you're an MD you know um but his grandfather actually started to get involved in the technocratic movement and the technocracy um regime was a part of this um like half of a secret society um half of like a business clan that was starting to get fueled up in the late 19th century in America well he was a big proponent and the Canadian technocrats well what happened is they actually riled up against the local government the technocrats did and he actually got kicked out he got imprisoned and kicked out of Canada and he had a bunch of money and so he told his wife he said hey babe

[00:47:25] Roman: I'm a vigilante baby I'm kicked out of Canada you want to take this personal plane and fly around the world and see the Seven Wonders she's like of course I do I love you let's do it so they got in their little plane and they started to fly around the world um through there they met all these all these the right people that they needed to meet some of them being the John D Rockefeller when they were starting the uh Standard Oil company and the um in the in the earliest of the 20th century Johnny Rockefeller and Henry Flagler um who you know you just say that name a lot of times people are like ears up Radars up but I can give you the history on John the Rockefeller as well and the Standard Oil company but we won't get into that right now but they were friends with them and which meant that uh the business that they started when they landed their final trip they landed their home in South Africa where they got into the mining industry mining minerals in South Africa in the early 20th century so when you're friends with John the Rockefeller and these different other miners who run the oil business and

[00:48:44] Roman: You're mining rare and special minerals you're a good person to have uh having a back pocket there so may musk Elon musk's mother is born uh in South Africa and she's beautiful she's been a model she was a you know she was hanging out with Charles Manson and uh she was in the original Charles Mansion Helter Skelter book before they took her image out um she was hanging out in Laurel Canyon with Bob Dylan and the doors Jim Morrison like Laurel Canyon was popping off right at right at May musk um and her popularity and fame started to grow and she became a model and so on and so forth uh she then married another uh guy from South Africa whose family comes from mining so both of Elon musk's parents come from South African mining families deep deep money all puns intended that money runs deep brother so you look at um at uh you know companies like Tesla and you know how we're getting lithium and things to make these very specific High technologically advanced systems um well it all it all pays homage back to the ancient mining Roots uh that comes from that you know so the access to these minerals and lifelong access to

[00:50:13] Roman: Um big Deep Pockets of money and so I think a lot of what we experience in the societal simulation is uh a lot of it's like kind of like planned out in the sense that like you know like hey you know because things take a long time to put into place when we're talking about big huge scale and I think the plan to make oil obsolete has been has been a plan for over 50 years at the minimum but you need a way for the families that have had this money the families have access to all of these um these fortunes and you know these operations it takes time for them to be like no we're going to go oil obsolete but we need to make sure all of our finances are set straight ahead of time you know and to convince the public we need to you know basically create the create the story of how it happens you know yeah

[00:51:10] Jacob: Yeah I agree with you I think that I'm with you I uh it's very easy to see with a little bit of History to see behind the curtains you know to like see like oh okay so he's actually just a pawn and like he's made to be loved by these people and blah it's frustrating man because I feel like it's impossible to look I mean you don't have to look that deeply nowadays into much to find like oh I tripped over a giant cable that just put on they put a rug over it and you like think I feel like you know if I was a young person if I was discovering all this stuff when I was like 15 or 16 I've I feel like I would just be you know on the streets like um you know like if I can catching things on fire I don't I don't know it's it's I don't know dude like the older I get the more you discover all these structures that are clearly like all just I don't know that our input really even matters I don't know that like we think that I mean I don't mean to sound that so nihilistic I understand that sounds so nihilistic but I'm

[00:52:10] Jacob: Just saying like sometimes we think we discover these things and it's like a Smoking Gun and I feel that way often but it's almost like I don't know how else it's gonna be like I don't know like it's we're so our story is so entrenched in itself like the truth is so far from how we see reality that I don't even know if like trying to backtrack and get back to capital T truth and what's right is like even gonna put us where we think it will I mean I don't know man you have to work on your capital T baby that's true that's all we can do right that's all we can really do and that's all again we're supposed to do that's literally actually a very important part of this whole thing even functioning properly is we all have to make our own bed as old JP says is that JP Morgan JP yes JP Morgan no I'm just kidding uh Jordan Peterson oh

[00:53:04] Roman: Okay I'll vote JP Morgan had one of these quotes and I was like I was like oh wow another day from work he had one quote that was said millionaires don't have astrologers billionaires do oh **** I've heard this actually I

[00:53:20] Jacob: Didn't realize I heard this until you just reset it okay can we open this door into astrology I mean so okay you've also hasn't mentioned that it sounds like you know a lot about astrology and like this whole world like can you I mean I like knowing Scorpio and like that sort of stuff like a lot of people you gotta understand your basic listener is gonna know like oh yeah like horoscopes and I know that I'm like

[00:53:43] Roman: Yeah I guess I'm like a Sagittarius and like I see it three times a year I look at my horoscope and it's like oh it kind of lines up that's cool but otherwise people don't know about it like yeah I don't know has this changed your view of yourself and your life and how you see the world a lot you know like the more you learn about it um looking at my bookshelf I'm like what can I grab really quickly to kind of read but um you know it's so there are seven sacred Sciences of antiquity that the people that have you know have had money in power for a long time follow these things so all of our entire system that we run everything on comes from uh comes from an old system and nothing that we have now like I mean besides like the specific technology that we have now is new the systems that we're running upon and the psychology and philosophies that are running on are actually incredibly ancient that's why when you look at the dollar bill and you look at the back of it and you see all these like interesting symbols and things you're like what is this pyramid with a

[00:54:49] Roman: Floating Capstone and an eye in it like what is this it's an ancient philosophy and so one of the seven sacred ancient philosophies is in fact astrology and astronomy so this is incredibly important so when somebody like JP Morgan one of the richest influential Bankers of all of American history supposedly sunk the Titanic by the way a fun story won't get into that now but um when he says something like millionaires which a lot is money that a lot of us can't fathom don't have astrologers but billionaires which is even more money that we can barely fathom do they have astrologers what means is John D is one of the most famous magicians and occultists of history in English History he's the original 007 he's the original um he created the British intelligence system he wrote he was making huge birth charts for the Queen of England Queen Elizabeth the First when the Renaissance period started and they would hire him to say when is she gonna become Queen when is the coronation ceremony and he gets on his chart looks at the stars you know observation decks have been funded by huge political money Tycho brahe to create this um observatory in Sweden on an island to

[00:56:19] Roman: Look at the stars to map the Stars everything that we actually function on is a based from astronomy and astrology and Celestial observations so it's intertwined within everything that we are and everything that we do whether people want to **** believe it or not it doesn't matter it is we live in the celestial map we are here we are a part of the zodiac we are a part of astrology we live on a planet you know whether or not it's geocentric heliocentric it doesn't matter it is imbued upon our life and so it has blown my **** mind getting into all these things and it it's taken a long time to Really um I don't know the archetypes of every single sign I don't I'm not an astrologer um but what I do is I surround myself with people who are that's the best way I know how to do it you know because we all have our skills so I have another show called Moon Mysteries that I work specifically with a Canadian astrologer named Kaylee burkana and we just go into the mysteries of the Moon and she is amazing and she is so smart dude she knows that every single archetype of every zodiac sign and you

[00:57:36] Roman: Know through more than that more than just like a two-dimensional circle on a piece of paper that has an animal shape and that has a similar no it's more than that we're talking about these move and as they move the archetype changes in every single dimensional shift that happens it morphs that's why the second of your birth time is so important to actually know what archetype archetypal role that you might have uh imbued upon your life it is really important because the second I was born I've never looked into that I mean you can go minute like you don't actually don't have to go second but do you know the your birth time I don't think I ever looked into it call your mom get you get her to send a picture of your birthday it's on your birth certificate get that um and get a reading from my friend and she'll blow your mind because this is what like JP Morgan was saying he has an astrologer he looks he pays somebody to tell him what the space weather is going to be so he knows when he should make an investment he knows what's going to be a dark time for him he knows what's going to be a light time

[00:58:51] Roman: For him you know like these like I think and not as a simulation in the sense what we were talking about earlier there's societal simulation and then there's a Celestial code and I think that you know at the time that are inoculated onto this planet that were imbued with an algorithm or code in ourselves that almost has a fulfilled role now and I think that's part of the layers that we're shedding off I think has to do with that true um like resonance and I want to say it again algorithm that is this that's who we are like why are our personalities so **** strong why do they make a why are our personalities so unique and different it's a lot of times it's genetic for sure but and you know but it's Unique and different and it a lot of the answers are in the ancient mysteries of astrology yeah I mean I mean it's really back to that like dorky you know hair follicle a little analogy that I use like we just try to take we try to say what's my report card now like who am I and how did I get there and a lot of times we don't we forget that we should keep

[01:00:04] Roman: Going back because we play who we are is like I mean you know people talk about starseeds like cool go all the way back then like where you know your little piece of just space dust bro at some point and so it all plays a role into who you are like it's what's it's easy to like make sense of finding out who you are of like okay within this you know 31 years that I've been alive like what happened to me when I was a kid and what happened to my parents and what were their genetics you have this way of understanding yourself but there's also like okay now keep backing it up and it gets more complicated it gets a little bit more ethereal it gets more into that area of like we're saying you can't exactly always use language you kind of have to dance around the Dance Floor to paint the picture of it um but really I mean yeah like understanding ourselves um

[01:00:48] Jacob: Yeah it's interesting you know I think what we do man is this you mentioned spiritual ego we have science ego too oh modern our modern culture has science ego and um in the second I say that some people might say like oh well that's because you're like a spiritual hippie like you must love religion or I mean it's like it's like no I like the second you say even science ego or like you say anything about science we defend it we're like don't you dare and that's great because science is **** amazing in every way and it's literally so I mean like it's beyond words how amazing it is but it's not only science it's science and there's a lot to be learned in siphoned through like all these other histories like we're really gonna be so bold and so arrogant and so pompous that we're gonna say the only the only things that are true is what we've learned in the last 200 years like in what we have learned in the last 200 years completely you know it's so much more true and authentic than anything that all those old books it's like hold on like you don't think the other people in all these other cultures and histories of human civilizations

[01:01:59] Jacob: Have had this Wonder that's at the core of all of our beings of like what am I what is this you know they've studied it too in a lot of their contemplative answers have led to these stories and these books in these ways of seeing the world in late ways of saying I'm here and that stars up there huh and you study that for hundreds of thousands of years and you actually get like understandings of you know just like when you like oh it feels good for you know me to put my wee-wee inside that girl's thingy and then you start to notice after hundreds of thousands of years wow nine months later that's when that like creature comes out like think about how long we had to as humans like start banging before we realized that thing we did that long ago is what made this baby happen nine months later like our correlations between time frames we don't fully understand it takes us a long time to go oh **** okay and then we can start learning about it but um yeah anyway sorry understanding the pattern man like we were saying bro and then when to break it yeah exactly

[01:02:57] Roman: Yeah it's helpful to look at your short-term history for sure but like there's it's also very helpful to look at not only helpful but fascinating and wonderful and fun to like learn about astrology and Alchemy and like what have other people who have lived in different time frames than me what did they learn about what's that one what's that book you're holding up so Alchemist handbook freighter albertus I haven't read that dude because you were bringing you were talking about um the past 200 years and like the separation of Science and God and then you brought up Alchemy just now and it's like for people that don't know out and Alchemy is getting thrown around a lot

[01:03:42] Jacob: Right now and so wait let's go like this

[01:03:47] Roman: Okay it's a chemist handbook yeah oh it's The Alchemist handbook and what is what is Al A-L is Allah l-a-l-e-l is an um old Hebrew word for God's chemical help

[01:04:08] Jacob: Yes it's the alcohol Alchemist handbook and basically we had science and God intertwined together in philosophy itself all intertwined together until there was a huge separation and about 200 years ago like you were saying I have a theory that isn't even that far of a stretch when you start to study history and these things but the theory is that Alchemy got to a point where they couldn't not create the Philosopher's Stone they were transmuting the goal like a lot of people talk about transmuting lead into gold yes that's a thing like that can happen it's happened people we can do that now gold is created so gold was always created in ancient Egypt and ancient Mayan culture and ancient Aztec culture gold was manufactured it was Amalgamated it was mined for sure but you're not pulling out 99.9 pure gold out of the land and you're not pulling out tons of it what you're doing is you're figuring out how to extract it and then how to blend it with other metals to make what we consider to be really good Amalgamated gold and so that was a large part of this like alchemical process but there was many parts of this chemical process many of these legs and what I think

[01:05:37] Jacob: Happened is you know Alchemy was the science of ancient Egypt um that's where it began and the pyramids themselves were in a lot of ways used for alchemical processes and um so but Alchemy was more than just the science base of like getting into the still like doing all of these like different types of practices right it was more than that it was a philosophy and it was a it was a part of going through a mental pruning and turning yourself into the Philosopher's Stone now some of the most famous Alchemists in the world like Saint Germain um and even later Alchemists like fulcanelli they have said that they have never died and they basically have found the Fountain of Youth the Ponce de Leon and they have lived forever so I think my theory is that we worked up for thousands of years the alchemical process and then once we started to get to a point where Society started to teeter totter where we were like okay now everybody's really interested in it it's not just the higher echelons of people in power that are starting to do these things there's way too many magical people right now we need to shift this back into it so uh that's

[01:06:58] Jacob: Where that's why I think that also the founding of America was about 200 years ago too right a little over 200 dread

[01:07:04] Roman: Right you know 1777 so on and so forth you know really in the 1650s when the Renaissance period started to happen and the Protestant Reformation and the burning of witches thinking about the witch hunts how many there was there's claims to be millions of witches burned right that's so much family lineage that will never be told in the truth if it was like it'll be skewed like you'd be like

[01:07:33] Jacob: Okay my grandma was a part of the you know the processing Reformation The Witch Trials back in the 1600s but because sometimes it happens so brutally so fast a lot of these stories weren't able to live on like they took really knowledgeable people who were doing magical workings and they killed them and so I think history was written by its Victors as they say his story

[01:07:59] Roman: Right yeah so there's a lot like I mean really

[01:08:03] Jacob: Right there what you just said like really just contemplating think about all those instances in our history that like the second that person's Last Breath leaves their lungs like everything they know is like if they haven't passed it along it's gone like I mean sure there's some sort of collective unconscious you know there's something there but we don't know that information if they weren't able to pass it on and then so you know the person standing there holding the knife now tells their version of that person on the ground story and we act from that as our truth and that's a dangerous spot uh um I mean not dangerous spot but it's a potentially dangerous spot if um I'm going to kind of just D Spot it's what it's what it is yeah I don't know maybe not good nor bad it's just really the truth of the thing I mean it's sad is what it is it is **** sad and there is a spiritual war happening in that sense that like not all these you know not all these witches were you know in here concocting poisons to kill Society you know they were they were working for their family and they they saw that there's there was people

[01:09:11] Jacob: That magic is real that's what I've come to man after working like all this **** like looking up history getting into this I'm like Magic's real our ancestors knew it everything but why is it so taboo now just because we're caught up in our language man relax with the words relax with the names and you know exactly what's going on that's all there is to it we actually act I've been thinking a lot about our language lately and how we've been reacting and acting like I'm watching a lot of this Kanye stuff I'm a huge fan of Kanye um I think our reaction is to like actually yeah I think he's so misunderstood I mean that's it's a whole can of whoop ass to even talk about this but um it's we get so caught up on these words he said Jew j-e-w he said it like it's Lord Voldemort bro like get out of here grow up you know exactly like what's he talking about and I'm not saying he's got a I'm not saying we could say whatever we want words are powerful words are so powerful but we a lot of times I'm sitting back you know in the same way that you're telling your story about um when you're when you

[01:10:12] Jacob: Were a kid and you guys are like we want our cookies and you just get all the 100 kids together to like run over this poor old lady um did she survive by the way we should she did she did I mean she's like she's in a wheelchair right now listening to this podcast just like damn you know but you know a lot of the a lot of the um where oh yeah in that same sense you know I've also kind of been I've also kind of always been someone you know maybe seen our Scorpio-ish nature to when I'm involved in things I can see them from the outside I'm able to I always have an eye a meta eye on the situation it's just like and you realize not everybody works that way heightened intuition

[01:11:00] Roman: Yeah like so I've actually used this to um I described to a therapist one time when I was talking about like my childhood like it's like okay we're a family watching TV you know we're all together and we're watching TV and I'm I'm aware the whole time that we're a family watching it I'm watching us watch TV you know instead of like my sisters and my mom my mother and father are like we're in they're in this story and they're like laughing about whatever like they're not thinking about thinking you know I'm I've always been aware and so like when adults would like do like the white lie thing that you tell you know you don't tell kids the whole truth you know you give them you know you in some senses you've had the world in some senses I don't like that sense but um I was always so aware like okay so I'm watching you lie to me but I guess that's what we do okay and I'm like ****

[01:11:48] Jacob: Okay and I'm always and I've always I feel like that's how I go why I'm good

[01:11:52] Roman: At um like I'm a natural introvert in every way but I'm very good at being an extrovert because I've always been like

[01:11:57] Jacob: Okay so we do that all right like okay like I'm very well I didn't stop being aware but I'm like okay I'll do the games I'm just not really **** fully sure why we're doing it this way like if you're gonna lie to me you're gonna lie to me I guess but um **** I forgot exactly what we're what we're getting on along about um well when I question I want a question for you real quick because I feel like I wonder if this is just like a growing up as a Scorpio type of thing when I was a kid I had this like this like movie theater in my head do you remember Mystery Science Theater 3000 yeah the little Shadows of the guys down there they're watching it like talking **** about the movie as they're watching it right yeah I had that in my head for small I think a two year period um and one instance specific I remember the Blockbuster that was right over by the Triangle Mall right where you know back in Kelso uh and I was in like the Blockbuster the movie rental place whatever and I just remember that there was these nuns and they would walk in through my

[01:13:02] Jacob: Ear and they would go and sit down in the seats in my head watching what I'm watching commenting on what I'm seeing and I couldn't have been more than like nine or ten years old but that's that observation of thinking about thinking seeing what you're seeing from an outside perspective so is that kind of what you had too like did you ever like have a voice inside your head that was kind of commenting on the things that were happening yeah almost in a sense yeah I mean I mean I don't think mine was as um like playfully visual I think that mine always had this um uh I don't know like Madness to it or something I don't know there wasn't a lot of like playfulness in mind but yeah it is it's a layer removed like it's almost um I mean it's really like just being overly aware or like consistently aware um but it is

[01:13:58] Roman: Yeah I don't know it's almost like a consistently checking in on your story rather than living your story or something um I wonder if it's like a so I don't know if it's like a sometimes I think it's a trauma thing I thought that it was a something that I learned from like having a traumatic childhood I thought that it was like a disassociated thing and I learned how to be disassociative and then use it as a skill um oh I don't know yeah I don't know if did you have any like young childhood before did you have childhood trauma would you consider yourself someone who um had oh God significant like it that would cause you to as a child put on Armor or um you know disassociate or de-personalize any sort of that yeah absolutely so I um again I'm sorry also if like you don't have to indulge your whole personal life I know I get like very deep so like just feel free to tell me I'm going too far I'm gonna uh no we'll get into it because it kind of paints a good picture I guess too of like why I was able to see some of the **** that was going on as a kid but

[01:15:00] Roman: Um actually I've had like kind of like a uh it's **** up and not a lot of people know it unless you like get to know the story but um so my dad was 25 and my mom was 15. uh and he was like a tall good looking Surfer guy that kind of was breezing through town and my father actually has impregnated like um 11 women and had 11 different children up and down the West Coast um he's you know he grew up like partying with the chili peppers in Sublime in Southern California so he was like surfing skating partying all these things making his way up and down the West Coast but he wasn't necessarily a predator in the sense that like you know he raped my mother because my mother was very consensually into the situation and they met when she was 15 but they she didn't get pregnant until she was 17 right so it kind of like came through town my mom dropped out of school as a freshman in high school um at 14 15 and uh all of my all her sisters she has three sisters and they're all like addicted to different hard drugs my mother is the only non-drug addict out of all of them uh

[01:16:19] Roman: Terry Teresa and Tracy are like either addicted to like crack meth or you know one of these other drugs and so they're still um for the most part like homeless and still on hard drugs uh and my mom's just always been like a rock to them you know so she saw that at a young age my grandma was kind of crazy my grandma did this thing she like stabbed a man uh one of her boyfriends in Kelso on Cherry Street she stabbed a man and then she took the knife to my mom and her sisters and said if you tell anybody about this you're dead and then she proceeded to like beat herself up until the cops came so she could blame the stabbing of self-defense so I my childhood is not nearly as traumatic as my mom's childhood but what happened is my mom is such a is such an angel a legitimate angel in the sense that like she's had so she's been such a light in so many women's lives she's a very prominent woman in a lot of women's lives like she's selflessly gone to n a for years she was never a drug addict but she just wanted to be around people who have had those

[01:17:40] Roman: Experiences because she was felt more connected to people who were dealing with drugs and not because that's how she grew up and so I saw that growing up too I saw I saw drug harsh drug abuse as a child to my blood family members and I kind of like opened me up because when you start to like see gnarly drug abuse um you know especially as an introspective Scorpio right like you start to say like wow this is totally not right like there's something completely wrong you're hurt you were so hurt and I'm so sorry like what can we do to make you better um and so all that was happening so on and so forth but so my mom got pregnant with the with this guy he didn't stick around like he did zero parenting uh Brad was an absolutely he actually was Brad by the way no I'm just I just feel like you're you're like 25 year old Surfer guy who has 11 kids seems like his name would be proud oh my God no that's hilarious yeah no he's a total **** brat and uh he had a kid I have a brother who's six months younger than me with a different uh mom

[01:18:58] Roman: Same dad so you do the math there six months he impregnated another chick in the same town and uh you know but he left and what happened was you know three years later he called my mom and said he said I want to see Roman like you know blah and she's just like well uh you know where have you been like **** you know and he's just like oh I'm living in Hawaii I'm living in living in Maui you should

[01:19:25] Jacob: Totally have him come out here so he my mom he convinces my mom to fly me out there oh wow I go out there one week passes two week past three weeks pass she tries to call him phone's disconnected one month passes two months pass nothing now she's freaking out okay she is saying you haven't talked to your mom this whole time this whole time he's not talking to her I mean you got I'm four years old dude you know so like I and so the only thing I remember it wasn't until I was 15 that I that I remembered this that um I remember sitting in a high chair and there being like a plate of eggs in front of me in the high chair my face just getting smushed into the plate of eggs and I was just like and I look up and I see this helicopter and my mom like ascending down a rope on the helicopter and like I was sitting in her car you know at 15 and I was like Mom I keep having these dreams like I've had this dream repetitively like it's just crazy I have to tell you about it she's like oh that's not a dream

[01:20:33] Jacob: Your dad kidnapped you like oh my God I was like wait what like that's real the helicopter like how the **** that she's like they were in Mountain my dad was dating this local Hawaiian woman that had like property deep out in Hana like like you had to **** basically take a chopper to it because you're four-wheel driving the whole time and I was like what so um the trauma like I don't necessarily think I've like had the trauma in the sense that like I don't feel like I've had trauma but traumatic things have happened I'm sure that those experiences were a cataclysmic experience for who you are today had you not been through the kidnapping experiences I don't think that you would be who you are today I mean obviously you wouldn't yes you know what I mean like I think I think I think it's probably a pretty profound experience like it's probably pretty like developmental experience these things like what we do in reaction to the trauma to these big things yeah I'm sorry to derail you again no you're good I love your insights I'm literally every time you speak it's beautiful so I love it brother um uh and so one of the other crazy things about this specifically was

[01:21:53] Jacob: So like 16 no 16 or 17 uh I'm so like I didn't know that he my father was living in Kelso I didn't know that he was living in the same town because I just there was no hearing from him but he was actually had contacted my mom trying to get a hold of me for years but she didn't want him to be until he got sober because he was just he was a drunk and he never got sober so when he passed away when I was uh oh that's right I was eighth grade wow okay yeah it was eighth grade uh I got kicked out of school in eighth grade and I got moved to you know out in Lexington there's like that Seven Day Adventist Church in Lexington so they have a school a very small school with uh eight eighth graders and I went I got kicked out of my school huge school I was you know friends with everybody all the things too I got moved to this private school because I just kept getting in trouble and uh I was there and one day you know someone comes to me and like your father's in the hospital like with sepsis disease and I was like what and like I fake

[01:23:16] Jacob: Cried I had to fake cry because I didn't know what to feel because I didn't know him well that's interesting I so I like made myself cry on the couch so I could get out of going to school um because I didn't **** care I didn't care and you're like but I know that the thing you're supposed to do is care like I know that like oh yeah that this is what you do when things like this happen this is what it this is what society says to do yeah totally do I

[01:23:45] Roman: Totally relate with that because I had a lot of moments like yeah I guess I'm gonna I'm gonna cry that's what we do um connecting to it you know

[01:23:54] Jacob: I love it I love that's a Scorpio way man like hold on wait let me see what are we supposed to do look at everybody again and sink into it am I crying have you seen um was it a North Korea like where they have to uh there's videos of them crying when their leader has died and it has to be like a performative because like you can you know get murdered and thrown inside a camp if you aren't bawling your eyes out to know that yeah because like you you know you have to be loyal to your leader like he is God you know he's everything to you and so if you aren't devastated the fact that he died then like clearly the year you know antihim so yeah there's these videos of like it's just the whole crowd is just panning on the crowd of people going and it's and it's dude it goes on apparently these things go on for like crazy amounts of time because everyone is just one-upping each other and it just becomes this like hours of just performative like you know um yeah can you imagine I mean it's funny we do like little versions of that just to just to fit in Carl Young actually talks about

[01:25:02] Jacob: Um you know he in hit one of his older books memories dreams and Reflections where he's like an older man before he died he talks about when he was younger he kind of has these instances that you're recalling where like um you know like someone said you know you'll say hey your father died and you you know you're supposed to cry so you cry but you kind of know you're faking it he has Recollections of even like making himself he you'd physically pass out he'd faint in like on the playground and stuff like that and he has these instances of remembering now that he's older that he actually kind of did that to himself like he can recall kind of the process of it like him doing these things so I don't know I guess that's not super correlated but it's very interesting to look at as we get older and we retrospect we look back at the things we did when we were younger with a little bit of like knowledge and wisdom we can go huh like that almost wasn't real what I did like I was actually crying performatively and like how many people are doing that and they're kind of aware they're doing that in the moment but they're not able

[01:26:01] Jacob: To see that they're doing at the same time you know that's tricky I just turned my heater on uh by my feet so we've got to keep them toasty can you hear me can you hear the heater no it sounds so fun okay oh yeah no yeah I mean I don't even hear it um yeah uh are you is it cold where you're at are you're Northern California Northern California in the mountains uh so high elevation it's chilly it's not cold like I walk outside naked in the morning in the fog you know uh dude do you have to yeah I live in an apartment I miss you know having my dick out the back door you know what I'm saying dude I do know what you're saying because I **** love it I'm leaving this mountain soon though and I'm driving to Florida in the next I think on the 23rd I'm gonna be driving to Florida to go work damn are you going through Texas

[01:26:58] Roman: Dude if you if you are anywhere near Austin like within a couple like I mean I could even I'm three hours from Dallas oh dude I no I will I'll come to Austin like I've been great dude have you spent any time in Austin I so I went on tour with um I just I'm looking up my uh I'm looking up my map route real quick I went on tour with a band a few years ago um this band called The Weather Machine they were a really great folk Indie band out of Portland and I became really good friends with one of the guys in uh we went uh we went on a cross-country tour and through that uh I went to a **** ton of places one of my favorite was Montreal uh I'm dude like the poutine was insane but we uh the things I remember most about like traveling is always like the food you know and Austin we had breakfast tacos uh because our van actually broke down we were getting van work in Austin uh I can't even tell you where like I have no idea any I don't even know where I was like I if I were to go back I might not even recognize it because it

[01:28:12] Roman: Was just like two or three days of just intense energy um of traveling and it says okay go ahead go ahead sir go ahead

[01:28:22] Jacob: Yeah well I mean dude if you do make it this way we'll find some sort of I mean I have a couple places that I've found um I'm pretty loner here so like I really haven't explored as much as uh you would imagine like someone like moving to a place like Austin I really have not um uh like Doven into the like food and um you know culture as much as I should have but there's some places we can check out and then we could also like there's so many places for breakfast tacos and amazing food and

[01:28:49] Roman: Cool environments in Austin it's so filled up to the brim with amazing opportunities like that the day of we can look up on our phones or drive around and just see what feels good and we'll find somewhere like it's one of those things you throw a dart and you land on something just great it's

[01:29:05] Jacob: Awesome here I feel like I mean I know everybody says it but it's I feel like it's just such a cool spot and everything's pretty damn good here it seems like dude I mean I have no qualms with Austin like I really want to spend more time there it looks like on the map it's uh would either put me up towards Dallas or see San Antonio but it looks like San Antonio is like an hour hour and a half from here yeah I'm definitely gonna go through that way and then I'll make sure I stop in Austin because I want to stay there yeah I was gonna say if it works out for you and if you need a place to crash this lovely blue couch behind me has your name written all over it my friend oh I see that it's in graffiti too right there on the side there it is the next one yeah you know what I said last night yeah if you look closely it says the most handsome it's it's written in graffiti on there I said that last night at a gig I got there and like there's a ton of people so you check in so they make sure that they're like okay you're here to work

[01:29:59] Jacob: Um and I tried that I tried yeah it's under most handsome I was the only one laughing in that situation as it turns out what what yeah it was too much it was too much chaos there was too many other people there was a huge line behind me it wasn't the time for the jokes you know I didn't I didn't read the room I was just trying to fit in my joke so that's why yeah that's a Scorpio thing

[01:30:21] Roman: Man it's uh we're you know we have these really great jokes but like you know we just say them whenever the **** we want as opposed to the right time yeah dude I tried all bro if I could chew it in I'm gonna shoot it and if I if I'm around if I'm around a group that I've realized hasn't heard this specific joke it's gonna get recycled I'm gonna say it again I'm gonna say it again just waiting for that one person just to like leave the circle for a second who has heard the joke before just so you can

[01:30:51] Jacob: Okay here we go here we go yeah or sometimes I'll say the joke and then I'll immediately like just connect with that person like I know you've heard me say this joke but like just let it just like you break the wall of the joke by mentioning the joke which automatically negates it so it's this whole **** thing um uh hey uh okay so I had a question about comedy because um I am a huge fan of Comedy um and I think it's an interesting conversation but I also think that a nice question that was formulating um for you would be like so say you're able to like connect with your like karmic family of you know thousands of years and you could write a postcard and it's like it's like hey it's Roman like hey look I'm one on this lifetime I've been able to wake up I remembered my you know my true self I remember that I'm here on this karmic cycle to like experience life and love and this whole you know thing and I'm just checking in from Earth like here's how I'm doing here's what I've learned so far like as Roman like I don't know does anything come to mind like I guess your

[01:31:55] Jacob: Postcard of life right now what have you learned what's going on that is such a deep question um I love the visuals too like if I you're writing a cosmic card to your ancestors who are just on the other side of the veil waiting for you yeah uh I I'd be like just give me one second here no rush painted brother I'm trying not to do the thing where like I think for a long time about something that's supposed to be deep and then I make a joke out of it and then like do something sarcastic um but I think I would say something along the lines of that first of all my journey here is not near completion thank you guys for waiting for me I love you very much I love I love my dog what are dogs please write back and tell me why dogs are so connected to us in society and I think I'm getting closer to discovering how to optimize my true energy and Magic it might be another decade but I think we're on to something here I think I think I'm getting close right how do you think they would they opened the mail and they read it what do you think they're saying they probably just

[01:33:36] Jacob: Be like what a **** turd look at this

[01:33:38] Roman: Dude she's getting close he has billions more years no it's so true man like hey that is

[01:33:49] Jacob: Beautiful though you love and you love your dog and it's like just the things that is what it's all about man it's like what are the things that remind you to be right here I love that even before this we were messaging before this podcast and you're like all

[01:34:00] Roman: Right bro I'll see you in a little bit I'm gonna go hang out or I'm gonna go play with my dog and it's like that's that's exactly what it's about yeah find some time to play with your dog you know what else is there to do some people say that you know your pet or you're familiar uh is your eighth chakra what does that mean to you're familiar with your HR to me like so like a familiar and magical terms like a witch has a familiar um or magician or sorcerer they have this animal entity like uh Salvador Dali had ant eaters he would go on stage dude you have to look up videos of how he would have anteaters on leashes Salvador Dali kind of hard it's kind of hard dude it's so hard dude like with this mustache too you know what a gangster uh but what it means is like dude you you choose like you choose to have that eighth chakra that connection point to this being you know when you truly when you're not just white picketing white picket fencing your life and you're just like well we've had three kids it's time to get a dog now

[01:35:08] Jacob: Right hon like when you choose I didn't choose to get a doggie either I did not choose to get zuji boy um one of my friends wives brother had a dog that he couldn't take care of and they asked me they're like hey you like animals right and I was like I mean yeah

[01:35:27] Roman: Yeah like what kind of question is that of course um not a complete POS and so I went over and you know and then it happened and then now here we are over a year later that like there's such a bond that like I look at him and you know as a Scorpio I'm like at home I'm like when are you gonna die like don't leave me you son of a **** like he's like fully living and like just but uh he's like Dad stop talking about my mortality I'm like I can't help it I love you when you're gonna die work dude we're connected to these animals and we choose that connection because we are so in love with love like humans are love like everything that we have down to our core is a passion it's a heartbeat it's a feeling and it's the vibration of unconditional love no matter what when you separate all the layers that's what it is and you get in tune with that by surrounding yourself with the things that make you feel that make it easy for you to feel that love you know when you're with a partner and it's not easy for you to break down and feel that you

[01:36:35] Roman: Know there's some there's some deeper things that you need to work on there uh but if you have a partner where it's just you're so it's so easy for you just to respect them for you to respect yourself for you to take time we're not feeling anxious and you have the animal you know like a lot of times it's like we were talking earlier about uh you know like having experiences with people in the different levels and layers that we're on I think you know you'll be up here on level 60 sometimes but one day you might just have taken the elevator down to level 24 because your energy is here you're not you're not feeling like you want to be nice to anybody you're feeling like you just kind of want to like you just **** it all I'm gonna start drinking beer it's you know noon today or whatever and it's just so it's not it's not easy to always be at that high level and it's

[01:37:30] Jacob: Okay to take the elevator down from times but having these things surrounded like create a community it doesn't need to be a million **** friends but create a community of a turtle and a dog and your guitar and your bananas that you love or whatever and just try to emanate that man and you know kind of grasp onto it and just try to be as much lovey love and breathing helps breathing practices help a lot Hallelujah Amen to that

[01:37:57] Roman: Yeah I think that's what it is dude I mean it's really you know you and I as like artists or you know um sometimes I hesitate to call myself a musician but musicians I know dude I feel that I know and then when I explain it when I now I have this caveat of saying I don't call myself a musician so that sounds even more it's just a **** more layers you know um it's all it's all you know just ego stroking isn't it um yes but it's really just you know all these things that we're doing playing with a dog um you know getting into flow States the Flow State you know the athletes talk about the you know it's beyond runner's high it's you're not thinking about yourself you're not thinking about your passion you're not thinking about your future you're not thinking about what you need to do what you have done what you haven't done um you're just existing in the now it's really the art of owning a dog is like if you ask a dog owner um you know okay so say I'm a little kid and I'm asking you as a dog owner like hey what's so what's the point of owning

[01:38:52] Roman: A dog you'd be like what do you mean like you don't it's like the point isn't to see how old you can get the dog before he dies like oh I did a good job of raising a dog it's like no this is this is an act of Joy this is love and that's what it is that's what it's about it's like um you know in you partake on that adventure of trying you know when you're petting a dog's belly and you're laughing and you're talking in doggy voice you're not thinking about yourself you're not thinking about your insecurities that we all have you're not thinking about how cool you think you are you're not thinking about how awesome you look right now petting this dog's belly you know you're just existing with a dog and the um the consistent chattering of the Mind Falls away so you're just you know in a state of flow like I was saying you know just as a musician and a runner and athlete and all these people are trying to find their version of flow owning a dog and being with a dog and loving a dog and having a dog love you is also a state of flow this whole thing is all

[01:39:49] Roman: About play if you can find a way to get into a state of play whether that's with another human or a dog or an art form I think man month older I get the more I realize that like oh that's what it's about because you can't take any of it with you don't get to take the dog with you but you can have an experience with the dog right now

[01:40:07] Jacob: Yes and do that like just

[01:40:11] Roman: Yeah I think so there's something to the uh the dog god connection oh right you know I've been trying to find it I'm looking for it still and it's you know at least a poem in there there's a there's definitely a poem in there uh and maybe that'll be like the workings that happened oh did you get a chance to check out the moon last night after your gig no I didn't I didn't get out till um probably like 2 30 and then uh I was just tired yeah what do you be doing uh last night I was taking down um a uh like a wrestling show um so like a aew ACW or whatever it's not like WWF but it's a basically 14 semi trucks we set it all up they have like the ring they have like the Antics the acting the stage the lights whatever we set up on that I was mainly a lighting Tech um yesterday so oh nice how long have you been doing that uh man I've been um that's what I do so my job nowadays is um I mean I'm technically an audio engineer I have a degree in that all my years of DJing that adds a lot of like

[01:41:20] Roman: Work in that and then I'm an audio video production technician um in a stage hand so pretty much like anything to do with Live Events I'm involved in I get paid to do things at Live Events and nowadays I'm getting like I just Epic I'm getting a lot of good knowledge so I'm you know my abilities to do certain roles um at these shows is expanding so it's very exciting but yeah last night with just stagehand stuff um sometimes I'm making good money and I'm like the cool audio guy and I'm the

[01:41:45] Jacob: Cool guy who knows all the info and then sometimes I'm just making 18.50 and I'm carrying heavy ass **** and it's humbling and I love it and I get to like you know meet really cool people and um you know it's been a fun Journey that's what I do dude that's awesome what a I mean that's kind of a dream job for me like I uh I love you know what like I said I went on tour with I've been on tour with two bands now just being helpful I wasn't part of the band I was part of the music but I was you know we load and load out I make sure boys get their drinks we make sure we get paid I set up the merge booth and I have jobs for that bro whole jobs

[01:42:23] Roman: Dude okay do you know jobs try to come move to Austin and try to get these gigs you can do it I mean dude I'm sure you'd be totally fine I mean you know you got a smart head on your shoulders you're Pleasant to be around your uh if you're hard working and you're not just like you know just I work with a lot of people who aren't they just watched other people struggling and like don't get in there and help them you know what I mean just that basic that basic show up and give a **** that you apply to any job and you're gonna be okay that is missing from a lot of the industry so man yeah you come on over and if you happen to know like what an XLR cable is called that's helpful too you know yeah I'm familiar with the cable did cables out of my **** ears dude like I'm working on trying to set up my because my dream is um and we're gonna manifest it I'm taking this year of 2023 to focus on content and like music research but here's the deal man I got this epic I love this board here this is the uh

[01:43:26] Roman: Roc you fight yeah dude the ROC 505 MK2 brand new model that just came out last January uh it was a thousand dollars very well spent and uh I wanna I wanna just I want to busk all over the country and so I'm working on how I'm going to set my live set up so

[01:43:47] Jacob: Dude I probably will definitely be spending some time in Austin for something along those lines dude yeah I mean yeah like however I can help however I can show you in like if you like I said you know I got the couch you can crash here for a little bit like

[01:43:59] Roman: Dude that would be awesome and also um you say you like you want to create and make content and stuff this year like if there's any collaboration sort of stuff we can do this is super awesome man I'm enjoying reconnecting with you and I think some stuff and now that I know that you like you sent me some of your music that I checked out like we should **** do some music together too yeah typical Millennial grown men things like bro we should we're on a podcast talking about the music we're gonna make together I feel like there's women all around the world making fun of us in their flannels and their tights and they're you know

[01:44:33] Jacob: Yeah we should dude I've been doing a lot of uh I feel like my the DJing side of things and like live performance um I'm sharpened on that and I have like a lot of cool potential ideas on that and that's you know something we can talk about too but riding wise man like if you have any instrumentals or you need something that needs like spoken word poetry uh rap like I'm getting pretty good at spitting these days so um just out of fun man that would be super fun to collect dude I'm supremely down I unfortunately I think because the model of logic that I have is a cracked version that I got when I bought this MacBook I bought this MacBook Pro from somebody just like fully work that they're like it has Ableton it has logic it has 3 000 gigabytes you know whatever and I was like dude **** yeah like give me that and uh but the thing is like the logic pro like I've noticed when I share I'm trying to send like the stems it's like kind of hard for me so I'm interested we should at least try it um I'm not sure if you want to do like Google drive or Dropbox or something but

[01:45:41] Jacob: Uh I don't know and uh how's the cross-compatibility between stems on logic to Ableton um I think it's figure outable I don't I think that you do have to export it differently I mean it's not as easy as logic it's logic yeah it's not as there is a process though like we are not the first um gents to be in this in this situation so I think we could do a little redditing and figure it out to be honest I would love to try me too I would love to because that yet again is just like hey I've done that before like you got that like I got this like let's so

[01:46:12] Roman: Dude all right cool we'll uh uh I mean I feel like we got into a lot of my history maybe next time we'll get into some of your Journeys in history uh

[01:46:23] Jacob: Yeah because I want to know yeah man I know I wish honestly if I didn't have to go to this gig I would say this is going to be a four-hour podcast let's keep going like I would love to do that but uh I do have to um yeah I'm doing like some sort of so this one is a lighting gig I'm working for a lighting company it's something for tick tock no idea what it is I just show up and I'll probably set up like some light so people can take selfies and like it looks cool on camera I don't know dude there's so many gigs like I did um for a while what brand ambassador gigs oh yeah uh which is like a really great way to make money when you're just kind of like when you're just doing **** on your own you know um and in Portland living in Portland where it was just like there were so many gigs I just imagine Austin being the like the new tech Hub and just a beautiful growing city how many gigs there are dude like to just there's so much work out there it's got to be yeah it seems it's weird because it's like hard to

[01:47:26] Jacob: I feel like I haven't been shaking hands in like something across as many opportunities as I thought I was like I thought I would as soon as I got here I was going to hit the ground running um but I also like wasn't super applying myself I was kind of just like sending some Instagram messages and some emails and stuff like that but um it is a thing like once you it's like you're on these job sites and like I said you prove that you're hard working and you're not like a total knucklehead and you're not like trying to escape to smoke a cigarette every 38 minutes um you know like people at the end of the gig are like hey uh so you work in Austin often like you know there's a handshake exchange that you seem to bump into and I'm doing it's been happening more and more for me lately as I've been you know doing the gig so I think there is a few hours a few months of groundwork but uh yeah I think that all you got to do is just show up and work hard meet people shake hands and you'll have the opportunities I think that's really just the nature of the Beast

[01:48:20] Jacob: It's work it's work and it's like do you want to work on work or do you want to work on yourself do you want how many how many jobs do you want to apply yourself to or do you want to just shut it all off and go to bed

[01:48:31] Roman: Yeah I mean it's yeah it's uh I saw a YouTube video the other day that the title was I didn't even watch the video it was I could go to sleep or I could create my magnum opus oh my God that is so **** I can't

[01:48:46] Jacob: Dude I struggle with that every night I'm like every night like do I even deserve to go to sleep have I accomplished anything today like it's just I can sometimes you just put yourself on this pedestal of like what you should have done that day to accomplish like your wildest dreams you know it's I mean it's it is true though and it is good to have that contemplation because it's like as much as the self-care and the sleeping is good it's like a lot of times the only time you're gonna create that Banger to one of the coolest songs I ever made was when there was some really annoying **** in the living room partying all **** night I couldn't sleep because they were just partying and all and so I was just like whatever grabbed it I was up till 3am making these like sounds I'd never made before and I was just like maybe there is something to this really late night thing because I just love sleep so much you know but it's it is it takes that mental effort that mental work to get up and get over get over ourselves you know how dare you think you get to choose all the time

[01:49:57] Roman: Yeah no I'm totally with you but sometimes I would that's that is something that every artist can relate to though is sometimes when you catch one in the net you seriously go like oh like this one's dope like you kind of understand

[01:50:11] Jacob: Right like sometimes you'll get like your first few lines in or you kind of like get your first verse in or whatever it is that you're writing you get your you know your drum pattern down and you're like okay this is sick this is really sick like I gotta like put my phone on do not disturb and like make sure I catch this make sure that I'm listening or I'm not gonna hear this all the way you know because it'll float away you can't just like you don't it's not like okay well my office hours are I remember it's like if you catch an idea you don't get to just cool I caught that and I wrote the first line down I'll open that up tomorrow morning like you you know no you know you're not going to no man you gotta you gotta follow the coattails of it that's how it goes yeah um yeah uh bro so yeah I would love to do this again um yeah and then I can I can do less yammering and you could ask me about my background and stuff too but uh I do appreciate you allowing me to peel back some of your layers I think you're

[01:51:07] Jacob: Such like just a like not only just a fascinating person but just like a um a sweet and wonderful person to be around it's like something I always remember um about our interactions before um and I think that anybody who knows you is probably in agreeance with that you're just a wonderful person to be around so it's cool to kind of get to see behind the curtain of Roman and explain a little bit about you man dude

[01:51:26] Roman: Yeah I mean you uh and my eyes growing up you were uh you know you were

[01:51:33] Jacob: Cool as **** man you had the you had the sick van uh you know one of the first tattoos uh of the crew you know uh if I'm not mistaken right and then you know the sick job at the mall and the skate shop

[01:51:48] Roman: Yeah it's like it was I was just like

[01:51:50] Jacob: Dude Jake's got it all man I **** love that guy yeah that's 16 you know I got I got my van it's got a sound system in it I've got more than one job I felt cool I felt pretty cool

[01:52:02] Roman: Yeah I wasn't that cool but I felt pretty cool no you were man you were

[01:52:07] Jacob: Dude like our friend group was very unique uh interesting I was so glad to to like kind of become a part of that friend group when we went to Kelso oh

[01:52:17] Roman: Man dude the cool people that we've met that like you wouldn't I think about that actually with um now that I've been away from our hometown for a while you get some cool retrospective you know perceptions of like how you saw it when you were growing up and the things that you got to see being someone who's from that Hometown like Austin for example every you know you talk about Austin and talk about these places he when I'm talking to someone who was born and raised here who grew up here and they you know to get to middle school they cut through this path through the woods you know to go by this building and like they have all these intricate visions and views of not only people but like the town that you just can't get as a not only a tourist but even if you move there as an older person you know and so um I don't know I think that me trying to like understand Austin as an outsider and like try to get as much as I can about the essence of about the qualia of of the place by stories and by people telling me about their experiences with them um you just can't get the whole

[01:53:18] Roman: Thing from having that you know it's different than having that lived experience so like when you really look back at like wow our lived experience like what do we like it really is a cool place that we grew up in like as easy as it is to maybe like have a view of people who haven't like been out of Cowlitz County and maybe the like maybe it's a little more narrow than some places in some ways um but there's also like the way that some of these people see the world is just so cool the way that some of these people have made me laugh from the core of my belly is just like unlike any other place you know the situations that I've been able to be a part of in these friend groups and stuff um God I mean yeah just like just flashing your memory back to all the

[01:54:00] Jacob: Cool people we've met at parties or skate parks or after school or at the mall or all these places there's I don't know man there's some cool ass people and it's a pleasure to know who asked people that's for sure it is and that's why it's just like we need to keep traveling we need to keep going we need to keep cruising and it just never stop man you know like we're out here doing it and we're never gonna stop doing it we just gotta like keep meeting cool people keep the love flowing and growing yeah stop taking your report cards stop saying this is who I am now and this is exactly who I am and I learned this little bit of history and I'll be this person forever it's like nope every single day meet new people explore new places of yourself and other people in other parts places of the world and you never know who you're going to be on the other side of that day you know yes yeah like a lot of things is like just allowing yourself to be open it's like that thing we're talking about with like the late night like it's just be open to like whatever Baseline you're gonna put down whatever

[01:55:03] Jacob: Key you decide to go and be open to the fact that you might go out and have a terrible experience at the store but right after that you might meet this like really cool person in the parking lot or nothing happens and it's all **** good you know but you're just knowing that you're open to it and maybe telling yourself you're gonna meet somebody and then forgetting that you said that in the beginning of the day and then at the end of the day you're like holy **** I did meet somebody super **** cool today like you're just open

[01:55:30] Roman: Man it's so tough beautiful it's ****

[01:55:33] Jacob: Beautiful man this has been great you're **** great you're great too man okay well uh let's wrap it up will you make sure that everybody listening still knows where to find you where to find your podcast where to communicate with you where to listen to your next podcast when does it drop like everything that they can do to follow you from here on out oh thank you thank you thank you thank you like a like a Shameless plug um there are three there are three podcasts one is the baby that's the stronghold that's Rising From The Ashes it's a History Podcast you guys have uh a bunch to look at for our past episodes but to look forward we are getting into serpent symbolism in the month of January with different um authors and then February and a few months after that will be ancient Ireland and we're talking to authors and researchers about the ancient mysteries of Ireland and the truth about leprechauns and the truth about the FAE and the connections to Ireland and ancient Egypt and ancient India and there's a huge mysterious Rabbit Hole there so we're really looking forward to that um you guys should check out Moon Mysteries is a podcast that I do with an

[01:56:51] Jacob: Astrologer where we have two only two episodes a month one of the episodes we focus on like the moon cycles of that month so what the new Moon's gonna be you know in Sagittarius what it's going to be in the next sign and then we each read articles that are either folklore about um ancient deities of the moon or whatever just like really fun articles questioning the mysteries of the Moon um and then the other episode of the month is an interview based with like the authors there's actually like so many different books that are literally called Mysteries of the moon or Moon Mysteries so that's fun and then the other final show um which we are most recent episode was on Austin Texas it's called esoteric America where we dive into some of the deeper history of random towns and cities and we invite people onto the show to tell us about their town they don't have to be authors they don't have to be researchers we would actually prefer it if it's just normal people yeah and they dig into the histories of their town and tell us about it yeah it's so fun I love this idea it's such a cool idea dude I

[01:58:08] Jacob: Mean if you if you want to do it I'd love to have you on if you want to talk because we're talking awesome all this month so if you feel inclined to look up some weird things it's a here's the

[01:58:18] Roman: Cool thing there's no land like whatever it is dude like whatever you find you know how rabbit holes work on the internet you just start going down it you're like oh ****

[01:58:28] Jacob: Yeah 100 cool yeah no maybe I'll check into stuff I will say uh on your on your

[01:58:33] Roman: Rising From The Ashes podcast um the hair on the back of my neck tingles when you say you're focusing on

[01:58:38] Jacob: Like serpent related things um I have I have a lot of um I study a lot about like Kundalini Awakenings in in these sorts of things I'm actually fairly certain that I have had a Kundalini Awakening a few years back so I would love to uh I would love to talk about that I have I have some books that I can send you actually um yeah I would love we could talk about that later but yeah so uh maybe throw me in into that uh January mix of serpent talk I'm super down let's plan on that actually let's plan on talking Kundalini Spirit uh spirit symbolism serpent symbolism dude like last night we were looking up something and we ended up going down the rabbit hole of house snake's mate all snakes have sex and they do they do it by connecting their tails is a small opening like the genitals of both the male and the female are like inside an opening so when you see like the caduceus staff of Hermes of how like two snakes twisted around a staff like that's what happens like and then they coil around each other and they tense up and it's just like maybe start making me think about a lot of

[01:59:47] Jacob: Things like this strange like tendency we have to like choke each other during sex is similar to like how snakes coil up and wrap around each other and they make compression on each other when they're making love with each other yeah constriction of the breath and everything yeah isn't that isn't that crazy I was like I think we're if we're playing on touching on something that's uh outside of our of our human cells when we when we do that because it's a very big tendency that people love like a lot of people yeah Heat at the moment yeah like even if you act like you don't love that stuff Heat of the Moment if it starts happening it's like yeah what's up yeah exactly so it's just like it's that's Kundalini

[02:00:28] Roman: Man if we're just yeah so I'd love to talk about it dude we can keep going forever man I know yeah putting a bow on it right here wonderful all right Roman well man thank you so much um yeah everybody please check out Roman's podcast um are you are you active on social media are you pretty active on Facebook do you like people to follow you on there or anything or oh so yeah hit me up on Facebook that's just Roman Merrell um but if you guys do the one social media I do a lot of doo uh dookie in telegram uh telegram is a group messaging platform that's like it has the compa the user friendly compatibility that Facebook and Instagram has um but it's like so I'm gonna I sent you this on Facebook Messenger while we're chatting I'm in like a group of podcasters like the one-on-one podcast the interverse podcast us like there's uh Chaney and project Cheney like there's a bunch of really cool podcasts and we'll do group shows commonly but we all have our own telegram channels and telegram is awesome um I hope I if you don't have telegram Jake please get on it dude like I'll join you to our uh rfta group we have

[02:01:43] Roman: Like 200 people on there that's in a group chat and like everybody's just sharing books music articles all this stuff so it's really amazing and overwhelming at the same time

[02:01:55] Outro: I would love to uh yeah please send them away I do actually have I think one friend just maybe I do have the app telegram I have a friend who has like a small like 15 person uh men's chat that um he had invited me to be a part of and I think that is on telegram actually so but yeah um yeah do definitely send me that uh or I will check into that link that you had already sent me so noise nice all right well hey everybody listening love yourselves if you haven't drank uh you know a pretty good amount of water today it's like what are you doing get it together get your life together get between the lines like you know it's sober up man drink some water stretch love yourself um yeah what else like it dance and play with your dog you know yes you're never gonna drive anywhere so play with your dog put your phone away and love yourself all right Roman

[02:02:45] Roman: Man I'll talk to you soon buddy it's so much love I hope you have a good rest of your day buddy you brother thanks thank you for the chat brother bye

[02:03:19] Outro: Knowledge is power reality is